- Tunicate
- May 15, 2012
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I hate to say it, but I work at a pet rescue and I've witnessed very similar events over the years... I wish this was stdh but people are dishonest pricks and will say anything just to get a cute kitten or puppy.
Man I wish there was someone to take this kitten that's been foisted on me off my hands.
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Jul 30, 2014 05:47
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 24, 2024 11:05
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- Fleta Mcgurn
- Oct 5, 2003
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Porpoise noise continues.
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A photo of Reagan is a nice touch. Do people really do this in America?
Only if you're Jack Donaghy.
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Jul 31, 2014 07:59
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- Buh
- May 17, 2008
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Hey, it's a whole article of STDH from what is basically stdh.com:
Thanks, Jezebel!
These probably happened but none of them are remotely interesting. Ahaha a person was not familiar with a food oh my sides. How empty does your life have to be that this amuses you enough to broadcast it to the internet.
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Jul 31, 2014 09:41
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- Rudager
- Apr 29, 2008
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Hey, it's a whole article of STDH from what is basically stdh.com:
Thanks, Jezebel!
No kidding, holy poo poo.
quote:
"I was waiting on a table of two ladies who were probably in their late 50's. They didn't come off as the brightest, but they were pretty polite. They decided to order the avocado dip as an appetizer. I brought it out, and they said they didn't need anything. After a couple minutes, I asked them how their dip was, and one of them said, "Ummm... it's cold." I explained to her that avocado dip is served cold, and she replied, "But, last time we were here, it was warm and cheesy." I explained to her that they must have had the spinach artichoke dip.
They both gave me this blank look and one said, "What's the difference?"
"Well, one is made with artichokes, and one with avocado."
"Are they different?"
"...yes."
The other lady goes, "Well, let's get the second one. I still don't get the difference.""
There's so many things wrongs with this, but mostly, why did they order something different to last time if they wanted exactly what they had last time?
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Jul 31, 2014 12:29
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- Awkward Davies
- Sep 3, 2009
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Grimey Drawer
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Maybe this thread has made me too cynical about stories on the internet, but this thing reads like a readers digest piece:
From r/offmychest: The 8 year old girl next door just broke my heart
quote:
I'm a 24 year old postgrad guy living in a small house in a low/middle income neighborhood. It's just me, I do well enough that my pop was glad to help put in to get a house rather than an apartment because in my spare time I love tooling around on old cars, something we've done together since I was a kid, he was all too happy to have me carry it on.
So I work your typical 8 to 4-5 schedule, and quite often I'm in the garage after work fixing up this old mustang I've been on for the last two years or so. (A completely unrestored '65 mustang that my dad got me for graduation, to take on now that I'm out in the world, that was a special moment).
So often, I have the garage door open, and its to the front so pretty much everyone can see what I'm doing, people stop by, chat, say hello, its great, I always love to chat it up, especially older folks that are happy to see a young guy getting his hands dirty working hard on a classic.
So about a year ago during the summer, the neighbors mom asked if I could look after their little girl Rachel, a quiet little girl that always seemed well behaved. I didn't mind, but I said I'm really committed to working on this car, if you feel good enough to let her over here while I'm working on the car, not a problem.
Turns out they're going through a divorce, the dad works the 3rd shift, the mom's got a part time gig, evening hours just aren't good for em. Ok, so this starts, and it goes fine. She's quiet, usually reading books or watching the TV I brought out so she would be around me. I always made sure to be courteous, firm, and try out dad humor every now and then. Well, she starts to come out of her shell after a while and it was a joy.
I still remember when she first asked about why I was working on the car:
"Why are you working on that car when you have one thats newer and works?"
"Well, this car is about 45 years older than the other one, its a classic. She'll be much prettier when I'm done with her. I've been sitting in the garage helping my pop since I was younger than you! I always wanted to be like him and so I'd sit and learn and eventually he let me help."
"Oh. Whenever I see dad he's always sleeping."
"Well, he's working hard to provide for you, he's working a tough job."
She just kind of was quiet after that. But after two or three months, she started being cheerful when she came over, always asking questions about what I was doing specifically. This part and that, why it needed to be done, what made it work. I was glad to impart knowledge, I think everyone likes teaching a bit, especially something you're passionate about.
I started teaching her about tools, how to recognize which ones you need, what they can do on a car or around the house. She started to light up, I got the sense that besides school.. she didn't have much of a parental figure. Or anyone to teach her anything about life, or anything.
One time my dad visited in his '66 GT convertible, and I took her for a ride in it.
I'll always remember how she smiled, saying, "Is this what yours is going to be like?"
"Should be, but mines a coupe so it won't be quite as nice."
"Nooo, yours will be much better! Cause we've been doing it!"
My chin started to wobble and I just smiled and said you're right, it will be.
She'd really started to grow on me, I mean, it would be impossible not to let her into your heart. A bright eyed smart little girl that just soaks up everything you teach her, wants to learn, and looks up to you like that.
It made me sad, because the times I saw her parents interact they were always snide or yelling at each other, when they were around that is. This spring I started noticing the mother leaving without a uniform, sometimes dressed to go out. I came to the conclusion she quit or wasn't working, but still taking advantage of me babysitting. Which I didn't mind in the slightest.
Sometimes Rachel would be quiet more when she came over, but I always waited until she would open up. She'd let out tidbits like, "Mommy woke me up late at night, she was acting funny." Or, "She came home with someone that wasn't daddy" or the like. It would pierce my heart, but I didn't know what to do except keep being a safe harbor for her of sorts. She started hugging me more often, squeezing me as hard as she could. I'd always get a lump in my throat.
She's just wormed her way into my heart, how when I take a break and sit down, she'll climb all over me until I give her the proper attention, every now and then when she does some mannerism or phrase she picked up from me.. even just when I ask her to hand me a tool and she picks the proper one no problem.
We had some of the best times I can remember, just tinkering under my car, her with a raggedy old sweater of mine on with safety glasses so old dirt wouldn't fall in her eyes, watching me work, asking away. One time she nicked herself on the edge of the radiator support and I picked her up and went to bandage it up.
I told her, "Most girls your age would cry if they got that little cut."
She said brightly, "Now my hands are gonna get all beat up like yours!"
I didn't even know what to say so I burst out laughing (plus another lump in the throat) and hugged her and said, "You're the best little girl in the world you know that?"
Then a few weeks ago, her mom came over and said they were going to get a divorce, and if I could still keep watching her during the week. I told her I was sorry and absolutely, she's a delight to have around.
Yesterday she was morose, and quiet unlike she had been in a long time. Turns out her parents will be separating and they'll have to move soon. She started crying and hugged me, asking if it meant she won't be able to come over anymore. I started tearing up a bit and choked out, I don't know Rachel, I don't know. I hope you can. I love you, you know that? You're the smartest, cutest, best little girl in the world and I love you."
She just cried all the harder and said I love you too.
She even asked if she could stay with me. Again I said I don't know, but I don't think it's in the cards.
When she left yesterday I just sat down with a bottle of jack and started crying. I just can't take it. That sweet beautiful little girl that wants to be just like me, giggles when she gets grease on her, tosses on my old dirty sweater when she comes over cause she wants to help. I just want to take her up in my arms and take away that pain. She doesn't deserve to have a lovely childhood growing up with a nonexistant father or a lovely mother. gently caress I just can't deal with it. It loving tears my heart apart.
TL;DR : Start babysitting a little neighbor girl with lovely parents, we have the best time together over the past year, parents are divorcing, will move away soon. Fuckin hell
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Jul 31, 2014 13:26
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- PUGGERNAUT
- Nov 14, 2013
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I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD
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someone who thinks they're a really good writer posted:
This happened over the weekend.
The wife and I got hitched about a month ago, but have been together for 6 years. We have been enjoying each other’s ahem company quite a bit since we got married. Something about saying ‘I Do’ really got the freak juices a flowing if you catch my drift.
So Aunt Flow was supposed to visit last week but never showed up. That’s cool, we just got married and then we immediately moved and didn't really get a chance for a honeymoon. Stress can delay mother nature for a few days. It has happened with her before… But then my wife got one morning and spewed all over the bathroom. As she kissed the porcelain god, a wave of panic encompassed my being.
I, a man child of 26 years, could possibly have spawned another human being... My entire adolescence flashed before my eyes. Visions of little league games, late nights playing Halo, Ninja Turtle themed birthday parties, and drunken college shenanigans danced around in my head. I then pictured myself sitting at the kitchen table surrounded by dirty diapers while doing taxes. I have to be a grown up now… gently caress.
So my wife is freaking out a bit, but being the amazing husband I am, I tell her to lie(lay?) down and I head up to the store and grab her a pregnancy test. I get to the local CVS and start making my way down the aisles trying to find a plastic stick for my wife to pee on. As I am looking, I pass through the toy aisle with all the goofy, crappy, cheap toys they sell at drug stores. You know, the cap guns, the bouncy balls that don’t bounce, the puzzles, that stuff. Looking over these toys I am crippled again with Nostalgasm from my youth. I remembered going up to Eckerd (before they became ‘Rite-Aid’; whatever I still call them Eckerd to this day) and begging my mom for an awesome Beast Wars Transformer to play with. I smiled as I looked at this generation’s Transformers that don’t turn into tigers and raptors, but are still pretty sweet in their own right. It was right there that I decided that I need to get in some last minute youth stuff in order to come to terms with my fate. But what on earth could make me feel like a kid again? Oh poo poo They have Candy.
Sweet, sweet Candy.
I merrily skipped to the Candy aisle and began perusing their selection. I was determined to buy it all. Butterfingers, Snickers, Mr. Goodbar, Goobers, Reese’s (pronounced Ree-sez, not Ree-Sees for those of you who are illiterate Dickspanks) were all cradled into my arms as I began to beam with joy. Candy loving rocks and I’m going to eat it all and no one will tell me otherwise because I’m an adult (but I don’t want to be so I’m buying candy to feel young again). I was about to head to the checkout when I noticed a treat that I had not even thought of since I was a young lad: Fun Dip. For those who don’t know, this is fun dip. I remember getting hopped up on that crap before my mother would dump me off at my Babysitter’s when she had to go out somewhere and couldn’t take me. Then I remembered the amazingly tasty dipping stick and how you use your own spit to scoop out the sugar from the separate pouch. I actually said “oh hell yes” out loud, grabbed 3 Fun Dip packs and made my way to the counter. After paying for the Candy and then remembering why I went there in the first place, I grabbed a pregnancy test and drove home.
My wife was in bed, looking sickly and pale and I rushed in with the test and showed her my grocery bag filled with delicious treats beaming with pride as if I were a child showing someone my candy haul from Halloween. She was not as amused as I was, but Doesn’t matter, have candy. I open up a Reese’s and dig in as my wife trudges to the toilet to pee. As I wait for her, I continue my newfound quest for diabeetus and stuff my face with sugary treats. I finish off my Reese’s and decide now is the time to Dip into some Fun. I grab a pack and begin to furiously suck off the candy stick in a manner that would make Jenna Haze jealous. When it is good and lubricated, I jam the stick it into the sugar to coat all the moist areas that it may come in contact with, Throw that bad boy back in my mouth and accept the sugary scratchy goodness on my tongue. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
Wife comes out of the bathroom, goes towards the bed and rests the pregnancy test on her nightstand without the cap (gross woman, you just peed on that) and tells me it is time to wait. Me being the observant and attentive husband that I am, Notice something off about my wife. I ask her if everything is alright and she starts to cry. I walk over to her as she sits on our bed, put my Fun dip down, and give her a hug. She is scared. Of course she is, she’s about to grow a baby, carry it around for 9 months then force it out of her body as it splits her in half. I’d be scared too. We certainly haven’t planned for this, but we decide no matter what happens, we will keep the baby and move forward. I try to cheer her up and I offer her some Fun Dip, (because I’m an amazing and considerate husband) and we make out on the reg, so why wouldn’t she want some? She declines and sniffles, so I try and make her laugh by maintaining eye contact and reaching for the pack and saying “Are you suuuuuuuuuuure? It’s delicioussssssssss”. I then jam the stick into the sugar and plunge it into my mouth. This is where I hosed up.
Her eyes grow wide, and I immediately notice that this scoop of sugar tastes... off… and colder than it normally does...
I pull the stick out of my mouth, and to my horror, am looking at a pregnancy test covered in green sugar crystals. My mouth agape, I look at the nightstand, and see the fun dip stick, sitting by its lonesome, taunting me like the little bitch that it is, glistening from the slob job I had given it earlier. My bottom lip quivers, as a faint “no” escapes from my soul and out my mouth.
Cue Hysterical laughter from my wife as I scream like a 5 year old girl that just saw a spider and run to the bathroom to vomit all the sugar and chocolate that I had consumed not even 10 minutes earlier. She couldn’t stop laughing.
Test ended up being negative (she tried another one that wasn't "compromised"). She went to the urgent care down the road when she wouldn't stop throwing up and it turned out she had food poisoning. She got her period later that day.
TL:DR: Pregnancy scare leads to quarter-life crisis, that ends with me eating pee.
*Edited to fix the 'Cue' and to clear up the ending.
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Jul 31, 2014 18:23
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- Nckdictator
- Sep 8, 2006
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Just..someone
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Have some STDH from the news.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...tory/?tid=hp_mm
quote:
Chris Kyle, musclebound, grim-faced and lethal, liked to tell stories.
Before his murder in 2013 at 38, the so-called deadliest sniper in American history nurtured a comic book narrative. He was the “true American badass,” as one journalist called him, who dipped, wore big boots and affected an aw-shucks Texas swagger. With 160 confirmed kills under his belt and a beautiful family behind him, he became the stuff of military legend. He wrote a best-selling book. Statues were erected. Millions made.
And then there were his stories — some of which smelled fishy. “There were a lot of things he told people that are really unverifiable,” journalist Michael J. Mooney, who wrote a book on Kyle, told The Washington Post.
Like the one about how he and a bud went down to New Orleans following Hurricane Katrina and picked off dozens of bad guys. Or the one in which he took on two armed Texans bent on stealing his truck and shot them both dead. Or the one he told about former Minnesota governor Jesse “The Body” Ventura.
It’s a story that Ventura said was false. A Minnesota jury, which on Tuesday awarded Ventura $1.8 million in damages from Kyle’s estate after deliberating for six days, agreed.
The details of the defamatory story: Kyle punched Ventura out at a bar in 2006 after Ventura criticized the Iraq War and said the SEALs “deserve to lose a few.”
In the book, he didn’t mention Ventura by name — he referred to a “Scruff Face.”
“Scruff bowed up again,” Kyle claimed in “American Sniper.” “This time he swung. Being level-headed and calm can last only so long. I laid him out. Tables flew. Stuff happened. Scruff Face ended up on the floor. I left. Quickly. I have no way of knowing for sure, but rumor has it he showed up at [a SEAL] graduation with a black eye.”
He identified “Mr. Scruff Face” as Ventura in a later interview with Bill O’Reilly on Fox News and in an additional radio segment. “He told us we were killing innocent people over there, men, women, children, that we were all murderers,” Kyle, wearing a Punisher baseball hat, told a Sirius XM talk show. He added: “Then he said we deserved to lose a few guys. … I punched him in the face. Jesse Ventura, he’s an older guy. … He went down … He fell out of his wheelchair.”
After the verdict, Ventura expressed a mixture of satisfaction and remorse in an interview with the Minneapolis Star Tribune. “I am overjoyed that my reputation was restored,” said the former wrestler, who served in an earlier iteration of the Navy SEALs in the 1970s. “But the emotion is [about] what’s been taken from me. I can’t go to … SEAL reunions anymore because that was the place I always felt safe and who will be next to throw me under the bus? I’d have to spend my time looking over my shoulder.”
Kyle was an exceptional soldier — a man others simply referred to as “The Legend.” But the verdict laid bare a separate side of him: his bravado.
His writing is drenched in braggadocio. “People ask me all the time, ‘How many people have you killed?’” he wrote in “American Sniper.” “My standard response is, ‘Does the answer make me less, or more, of a man? The number is not important to me. I only wish I had killed more. … The Navy credits me with more kills as a sniper than any other American service member, past or present. I guess that’s true.”
What was less sure, however, were some of the anecdotes he told after he left the SEALs in 2009 and returned to Texas. “After his incredible military career, he felt such high pressure to maintain his image,” Mooney told The Post. One way he did this was bar fights, pinning it on “pent-up aggression.” He told a story in his book of one time he and a pal pummeled a few “wannabe UFC fighters” in a bar.
“I would rather get my rear end beat than look like a p—y in front of my boys,” he wrote.
That sense of superhuman toughness perhaps led him to tell stories reporters couldn’t confirm. One involved a cold January morning at a gas station southwest of Dallas. Two armed men, he said, approached him and told him to hand over the keys to his black F350. “I told them I would get them the keys,” he told Mooney. “I told them they were in the truck and to just let me reach in.” Kyle then claimed he reached into the car, pulled out a gun and, shooting under his armpit, killed both men. “It’s true,” he said.
But was it? Reporters, including the New Yorker’s Nicholas Schmidle, called some of the nearby county sheriffs and none of them knew of it. “I went to every single gas station [nearby],” Mooney explained. “I talked to every single law enforcement out there, all the Texas rangers — and there’s no evidence whatsoever.”
The Fort Worth Star-Telegram had no better luck. “We checked with the medical examiner’s office, which reported no such deaths in Cleburne in January 2009.”
Years after those alleged killings, Kyle had another story to tell. This one referred to the vacuum of authority in New Orleans following Katrina, when the city slipped into chaos. According to the New Yorker and several military publications, Kyle and a few other SEALs drank late in San Diego late one night in early 2012. “The SEALs began telling stories, and Kyle offered a shocking one,” the New Yorker reported. “…He and another sniper traveled to New Orleans, set up on top of the Superdome, and proceed to shoot dozens of armed residents who were contributing to the chaos.” The magazine said one conversation participant said Kyle “claimed to have shot thirty men on his own,” while another said Kyle and the other killed 30 between them.
When the New Yorker’s Schmidle called the U.S. Special Operations Command for confirmation, he didn’t get any. Then one of Kyle’s officers told the reporter, “I never heard that story.”
Does that mean it didn’t happen? Who knows. It’s certainly possible that Kyle killed two Texan thieves and their bodies disappeared. And it’s also possible Kyle killed 30 armed assailants in New Orleans to protect its residents in Katrina’s aftermath. But it’s also possible Kyle couldn’t let go of his own legend, and, in a haze of post-traumatic stress, let his tales veer into untruth.
Even now, more than a year after Kyle was killed by a fellow veteran at a Texas shooting range, the most important aspect of his myth remains unclear. His book says the Navy confirmed he killed 160 in Iraq.
Kyle, for his part, claimed he killed 255.
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Jul 31, 2014 19:27
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- GAINING WEIGHT...
- Mar 26, 2007
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See? Science proves the JewsMuslims are inferior and must be purged! I'm not a racist, honest!
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"Does the answer make me more...or less...of a man?" he said gruffly, taking a drag off his Cuban cigar. He then leaned forward, perched on the edge of his mahogany rocker. "That was rhetorical. The answer is obviously more. More murder equals more manliness. Says so in Proverbs. Look it up." He then jacked off with a shotgun barrel.
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Jul 31, 2014 19:53
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- SneezeOfTheDecade
- Feb 6, 2011
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gettin' covid all
over your posts
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"Does the answer make me more...or less...of a man?" he said gruffly, taking a drag off his Cuban cigar. He then leaned forward, perched on the edge of his mahogany rocker. "That was rhetorical. The answer is obviously more. More murder equals more manliness. Says so in Proverbs. Look it up." He then jacked off with a shotgun barrel.
As we all know, shotgun barrels are the Real Man(tm)'s Fleshlight.
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Aug 1, 2014 04:37
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- canyoneer
- Sep 13, 2005
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I only have canyoneyes for you
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Wow. What a loving psycho. If all that was true thank God someone took him out before he decided to murder another 30 "rioters."
Well, the good news is that it wasn't true
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Aug 1, 2014 06:32
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- SpookyLizard
- Feb 17, 2009
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As we all know, shotgun barrels are the Real Man(tm)'s Fleshlight.
Real men use the entire shotgun.
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Aug 1, 2014 06:46
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- Admiral Bosch
- Apr 19, 2007
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Who is Admiral Aken Bosch, and what is that old scoundrel up to?
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Hey, it's a whole article of STDH from what is basically stdh.com:
Thanks, Jezebel!
...  That last one allegedly took place in my hometown. I wish I knew what restaurant they were referring to.
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Aug 1, 2014 10:57
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- Wild T
- Dec 15, 2008
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The point I'm trying to make is that the only way to come out on top is to kick the Air Force in the nuts, beart it savagely with a weight and take a dump on it's face.
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Wow. What a loving psycho. If all that was true thank God someone took him out before he decided to murder another 30 "rioters."
Just because the guy was most likely a liar and an rear end in a top hat, doesn't mean he deserved to be shot. Not trying to derail but there's no evidence that he ever killed anyone outside of his military service. If lying about how much of a bad rear end killer you are is worthy of death than we would have a culling of teenage boys on a level not seen since Exodus.
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Aug 1, 2014 11:51
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- walrusman
- Aug 4, 2006
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Ah yes, there's no difference between prepubescents on Xbox Live and a trained and experienced killer with unfettered access to weapons and a tenuous grip on reality.
Edit: not saying he deserved to die, but he was clearly more dangerous than the guys sleeping with your mom.
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Aug 1, 2014 15:11
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- Gaunab
- Feb 13, 2012
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LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
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This is on the front page of imgur. Stories came from reddit.
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Aug 1, 2014 15:55
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- moerketid
- Jul 3, 2012
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This is on the front page of imgur. Stories came from reddit.
Regarding the Dr Pepper given to infants:
Not gonna lie I had a terrible mother and she gave me soda (Irn Bru) from my baby bottle as an infant because it was an easy thing to content me with.
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Aug 1, 2014 18:43
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- PUGGERNAUT
- Nov 14, 2013
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I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD
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I can't tell which option is worse: the boyfriend posting that or the girlfriend posting that.
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Aug 1, 2014 19:42
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- GAINING WEIGHT...
- Mar 26, 2007
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See? Science proves the JewsMuslims are inferior and must be purged! I'm not a racist, honest!
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Looks like a girl's handwriting. She was just going "we're gonna watch a romcom that you'll hate! Just kidding, we can play your favorite video game and also I bought beer!" It's a funny.
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Aug 1, 2014 20:10
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- Paladinus
- Jan 11, 2014
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heyHEYYYY!!!
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That's totally fake, because girls don't play video games. HEY-OH!
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Aug 1, 2014 20:27
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- Nckdictator
- Sep 8, 2006
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Just..someone
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Oh god , no, not cuddling, the horror!
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Aug 1, 2014 22:09
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- PUGGERNAUT
- Nov 14, 2013
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I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD
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Oh god , no, not cuddling, the horror!
C'mon dude haven't you been on the internet before?
Stereotypically feminine things = bad
Stereotypically masculine things = good
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Aug 1, 2014 22:34
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- Rat Patrol
- Feb 15, 2008
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kill kill kill kill
kill me now
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C'mon dude haven't you been on the internet before?
Stereotypically feminine things = bad
Stereotypically masculine things = good
stuff made specifically for little girls = secretly masculine
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Aug 1, 2014 22:37
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- Khazar-khum
- Oct 22, 2008
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 Cat Army
2nd Battalion
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Regarding the Dr Pepper given to infants:
Not gonna lie I had a terrible mother and she gave me soda (Irn Bru) from my baby bottle as an infant because it was an easy thing to content me with.
My parents gave me beer.
Anime!
quote:Cosplay Makes My Day
FAST FOOD, RESTAURANT | SANDUSKY, OH, USA | AWESOME, FAMILY & KIDS, GEEKS RULE, STRANGERS
(I’m at an anime convention, and go to a fast food place down the road from the hotel. There’s also a big biker’s event nearby, and the building is crowded with rather intimidating men. As I have my cosplay on still, I fear harassment. While waiting for a table, one of the bikers comes up to me.)
Biker: “Hey, I love your outfit. Did you make that yourself?”
Me: “Uh… Yeah… Thanks…”
Biker: “Do you mind if I take a picture?”
Me: “Oh, not at all. Go ahead!”
(He takes a quick picture, then goes back to his table. Later, I ask my waitress for my bill, and she shakes her head.)
Waitress: “Someone else paid for your meal. And he said to give you this.”
(She hands me a note.)
Note: “Thank you for letting me take a picture of your cosplay. My son is home with cancer, and loves [Anime]. I sent him the picture, and he’s smiled for the first time since he got sick. Thank you.”
(I almost started crying. I didn’t see the man after that.)
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Aug 2, 2014 10:10
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- 54 40 or fuck
- Jan 4, 2012
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No Yanda's allowed
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Yeah, I can confirm that too. My wife works at a Humane Society and she's told me fairly similar stories, although there are more about people trying to unlawfully pawn off their own animals than there are about people trying to adopt them. The shelter she works at is often overfull, so they don't usually take in animals that already have an owner. Cue a lot of:
"Hey, I'm moving and I can't take my dog to the new place. Take it."
"We're full at the moment, so we're only accepting strays."
"Yeah, I found it on the side of the road then. Whatever."
"No, you just said..."
"FINE I GUESS I'LL JUST LEAVE IT ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD."
"That's abandonment and is illegal."
"GRAAHAHERRRRAAAARARAAAA, etc."
You can fill in the rest of that encounter for yourself. Happens all the time.
It actually just happened in my town last week- it was a laundry basket full of kittens and he tossed it in the ditch outside after they told him they were full. I believe the kittens are all okay though 
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Aug 2, 2014 13:19
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- sweeperbravo
- May 18, 2012
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AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)
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My parents gave me beer.
Anime!
He loves [Anime]
For Christ's sake
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Aug 2, 2014 15:42
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- Paladinus
- Jan 11, 2014
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heyHEYYYY!!!
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He loves [Anime]
For Christ's sake
I never understood this. Do they think someone might doxx them just by anime they were cosplaying? I mean, it didn't happen anyway, so why not just mention any popular anime?
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Aug 2, 2014 16:30
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- FrozenVent
- May 1, 2009
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The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.
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I think it's NAR's copyright and trademark infringement protection measures. Because people on the internet have no clue how these things work.
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Aug 2, 2014 16:37
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- sweeperbravo
- May 18, 2012
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AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)
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I never understood this. Do they think someone might doxx them just by anime they were cosplaying? I mean, it didn't happen anyway, so why not just mention any popular anime?
Wouldn't it ruin your immersion if you disagreed with the quality of the anime chosen????
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Aug 2, 2014 19:09
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- turnways
- Jun 22, 2004
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I think it's NAR's copyright and trademark infringement protection measures. Because people on the internet have no clue how these things work.
It's also an attempt to avoid huge derails in the comments about thing X, where X is the retail store/restaurant/movie/TV show/etc. mentioned in the story. It never works though and just makes everything sound so generic and unrelatable.
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Aug 2, 2014 19:30
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- 54 40 or fuck
- Jan 4, 2012
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No Yanda's allowed
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A doozy from tumblr. Sorry, had to copy and paste from my phone:
How Domino’s Pizza Tracker Saved A Life
I have always been on the fence when it comes to Pizza Hut Vs. Dominos. I don’t eat enough pizza from either to really have a concrete answer of which one makes a better pie. I can tell you one solid truth… As my last relationship ended and the lies, scandals and deceptions came out, after all was said and done, my psycho ex girlfriend did teach me one VERY important thing:
ALWAYS choose Domino’s over pizza hut.
I had been having trouble with my now EX-girlfriend for quite awhile, I won’t go into details, but let’s just say she went crazy. I thought, simple: I’ll just break it off.
Wrong.
One Friday night, around 8:00pm, after a long week of work and incessant phone calls/psychotic voicemails from the unbalanced EX, I decided I was going to stay in, which one any weekend night is abnormal for me. Usually on weekend nights that I am in, I usually am cool with a movie, a 6 pack and a pizza. I had been ordering from Pizza Hut the last few times, but after a constant bombardment with Domino’s “WE’VE CHANGED OUR poo poo, I SWEAR WE’RE AWESOME NOW” ad campaign, I decided to give it a shot.
Around 8pm, I went online to order my pizza. I built a modest 2 topping medium pizza, and placed my order. You have to love how far we have come in the delivery pizza world.
Immediately afterwards, I was introduced to the piece of a software that would save my neck.
The Pizza Tracker.
Pizza tracker? gently caress yeah, the pizza tracker. If you don’t know what the pizza tracker is, then get your rear end online right now and order a pizza from Domino’s. It’s the equivalent of a loading bar on a web browser, except at the end of the loading you get a delicious pizza.
This is where the night got interesting.
I am on my couch, one eye on “Parks and Rec” the other on the pizza tracker displayed on my lap top that joined me on the couch.
We had just entered stage 2: Prep.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
For a split second I thought, “woh that was fast,” I put my order in 10 minutes ago and pizza tracker says it’s still in stage 2.
By the end of my thought, the door swung open.
Guess who.
Yep, it was my psychotic EX. Knife in hand, she starts threatening to do some pretty awful things. I try to stand up, she freaks. I stay on the couch and attempt to calm her down. She goes into a hysterical rant about us getting back together, ya right, and I glance at the pizza tracker.
Stage 3. Bake (Juan is putting your order in the oven)
She goes on while all I can think is GO JUAN GO!!!! GET THAT poo poo IN THE OVEN!
I try to calm her down, I stand up and she freaks out and tells me “SIT THE gently caress DOWN!!”
She continues on her violet outburst and I tell her we can work things out hoping to get her to calm down. It’s no use.
I decide I need to try and get to my phone. I inconspicuously try to look for my cell phone. Dammit! I left it my room. I am screwed. I am dead. The pizza man will get blamed for this! Oh, the poor pizza boy will be wrongfully blamed and get life in prison for what this unstable bitch is going to do to me.
STAGE 4! BOX!
gently caress YEAH! They are boxing up my pizza. Get your rear end over here!
She continues on for another 5 minutes. Trying to make eye contact, glancing at the pizza tracker every second she looks away.
Stage 5! DELIVERY: Alejandro is delivering your pizza.
GOD SPEED ALEJENDRO!!! MY LIFE AND YOUR FREEDOM RELY ON THIS!
Knowing that the Alejandro is on the way, I try and just keep her talking, but the more she talks the more enraged she gets. I try to interupt, but that just makes things worse.
It’s been 10 minutes, Alejandro should be here any time.
She continues, she is yelling at the top of her lungs about the things we could have been. I am still banking that Alejandro will be here any second and save the day.
10 more minutes go by.
Alejandro GET YOUR rear end IN GEAR!
SHE IS OFFICIALLY FREAKING THE gently caress OUT. She puts the knife up to her wrist and then takes it away. I am panicking. Where the gently caress is Alejandro! Pizza tracker tells me we’re still in stage 5. gently caress YOU PIZZA TRACKER , YOU’VE BEEN IN STAGE 5 FOR 25 MINUTES!!!! I will never order from Domino’s again!!! After this thought I immediately think to myself, I will be dead, so I will probably never order another pizza again.
Right then, the cops come in. At gunpoint they calm her down and obtain the knife. Alejandro had shown up to the door wide open and saw psycho with the knife and went back to his ’98 Honda Accord and called the cops. Domino’s pizza literally saved my life. They should change the name from the pizza tracker to the savior tracker.
Alejandro is the true definition of a hero. In a way, Alejandro is the 5th ninja turtle. He showed up, accessed the situation, didn’t panic, and saved my rear end from the bad guys. Oh yeah, and he brought a loving excellent pizza too.
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Aug 2, 2014 23:26
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- Paladinus
- Jan 11, 2014
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heyHEYYYY!!!
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This one didn't use [pizza brand], so it reads more like shifty ad gimmick.
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Aug 2, 2014 23:42
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- Tunicate
- May 15, 2012
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It's also an attempt to avoid huge derails in the comments about thing X, where X is the retail store/restaurant/movie/TV show/etc. mentioned in the story. It never works though and just makes everything sound so generic and unrelatable.
Do they even have comments?
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Aug 3, 2014 00:30
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 24, 2024 11:05
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Jul 30, 2014 05:47
