Crusader Kings II: I desperately want to be cucked by Satan

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Crusader Kings II: I desperately want to be cucked by Satan

Toxic Fart Syndrome: Jul 2, 2006; *hits A-THREAD-5*

Only 3.6 Roentgoons per hour ... not great, not terrible.

_{...the meter only goes to 3.6...}; Pork Pro

Gumby posted:

This is all in Vanilla plus DLC:

I've got an adventurer due in about a year. What's odd is that his claim is on a county in France (two countries west of me, with no dynastic ties that I can see), he's accepted an invitation to my court, and has a great military stat. Should I assume that he's not really after my poo poo, that it's all a weird bug, and make him my marshal?

Or should I just assassinate him now that he's in my court?

Edit: Or I could just save and find out, I guess.

If your crown authority is high enough, he shouldn't be able to declare war if he's a member of your court/vassal, I believe. I've neutralized invading dynasty members like this before, giving them a random county or barony to prevent them from attacking.

# ? Aug 8, 2014 21:37

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 12:20

Kangaroo Jerk: Jul 23, 2000

Bort Bortles posted:

If you are not on Ironman I would save and find out. Could be a funny story.

Yeah, it's been a few years and he's totally chill and hanging out and researching better weapons and stuff. Weird.

# ? Aug 8, 2014 21:41

ninjahedgehog: Feb 17, 2011; It's time to kick the tires and light the fires, Big Bird.

Has anyone ever seen the Knights Templar and Hospitaller ruled by the same guy? Not as vassals of the king of Jerusalem, but literally one guy is the Grandmaster of both orders. Granted, in my game this guy is also the king of Jerusalem, but Jerusalem itself is a Seljuk province now and he's hanging out in Dover or something.

Incidentally, the Seljuks in this game are loving terrifying. Their empire goes from Afghanistan to Tunis to Belgrade, and the Byzantines literally hold a single province in Cyprus that I guess the Seljuks haven't wiped out yet. Their levies hover around 170,000 and they're horribly stable. The only small flicker of hope Christendom has at this point is that their invasion of Bavaria failed, but that's only because the four biggest Catholic powers (England, Italy, the HRE, and Francia (me)) managed the scrounge up enough men and holy orders to grind them down into a white peace.

# ? Aug 8, 2014 22:48

Inside Outside: Jul 31, 2005

My stack of 10,000 horse archer retinue units and an additional 7,000 Immortals just lost a battle against 6,000 Templars :argh:

Gumby posted:

This is all in Vanilla plus DLC:

I've got an adventurer due in about a year. What's odd is that his claim is on a county in France (two countries west of me, with no dynastic ties that I can see), he's accepted an invitation to my court, and has a great military stat. Should I assume that he's not really after my poo poo, that it's all a weird bug, and make him my marshal?

Or should I just assassinate him now that he's in my court?

Edit: Or I could just save and find out, I guess.

Edit: A year later, he's now my marshal, and the adventurer icon on the top of the screen went away. Odd.

The best adventurer I've ever had was a Karling living in Dehli who spent years marching from the Ganges to try to press his claim on Italy against me. Most of his army died of attrition just getting to Europe.

# ? Aug 8, 2014 23:00

AAAAA! Real Muenster: Jul 12, 2008; My QB is also named Bort

Gumby posted:

Yeah, it's been a few years and he's totally chill and hanging out and researching better weapons and stuff. Weird.

Niiiiice.

# ? Aug 8, 2014 23:00

WAMPA_STOMPA: Oct 21, 2010

I'm really annoyed by the mechanics for pressing a claim on someone's behalf. I've read the rules for it so many times and yet I have never waged a war using someone else's claim and gotten the title added to my realm. I just tried to do this with Portugal and wound up losing territory because some of my realm holdrings from Galicia flipped to Portugal after the war ended and some dude became king. I was sure I pressed the claim of my kinsman on the kingdom of Portugal, so why didn't I become liege of the new ruler? This is probably the most annoying part of the game for me.

# ? Aug 8, 2014 23:27

marktheando: Nov 4, 2006

WAMPA_STOMPA posted:

I'm really annoyed by the mechanics for pressing a claim on someone's behalf. I've read the rules for it so many times and yet I have never waged a war using someone else's claim and gotten the title added to my realm. I just tried to do this with Portugal and wound up losing territory because some of my realm holdrings from Galicia flipped to Portugal after the war ended and some dude became king. I was sure I pressed the claim of my kinsman on the kingdom of Portugal, so why didn't I become liege of the new ruler? This is probably the most annoying part of the game for me.

Were you an Emperor? If you are just a king, you cannot have another king as a vassal.

# ? Aug 8, 2014 23:30

WAMPA_STOMPA: Oct 21, 2010

I'm not emperor yet. Maybe that was it. Lame. I got Galicia through conquest and Castille by inheritance. So I guess I just have to get a claim and conquer it for myself.

# ? Aug 8, 2014 23:31

Captain Oblivious: Oct 12, 2007; I'm not like other posters

WAMPA_STOMPA posted:

I'm not emperor yet. Maybe that was it. Lame. I got Galicia through conquest and Castille by inheritance. So I guess I just have to get a claim and conquer it for myself.

If you press someone's claim, they will only be your vassal in two circumstances:

A) They're a member of your dynasty
B) You are their De Jure Liege

Both of these scenarios are contingent upon you being a valid liege. Equal ranks cannot be vassalized.

# ? Aug 8, 2014 23:53

ninjahedgehog: Feb 17, 2011; It's time to kick the tires and light the fires, Big Bird.

WAMPA_STOMPA posted:

I'm really annoyed by the mechanics for pressing a claim on someone's behalf. I've read the rules for it so many times and yet I have never waged a war using someone else's claim and gotten the title added to my realm. I just tried to do this with Portugal and wound up losing territory because some of my realm holdrings from Galicia flipped to Portugal after the war ended and some dude became king. I was sure I pressed the claim of my kinsman on the kingdom of Portugal, so why didn't I become liege of the new ruler? This is probably the most annoying part of the game for me.

They need to have some sort of extra text on the "press claim" tooltip that's actually useful. Just a simple "Will this add the county/duchy/kingdom of X to your realm Y/N" would be fine. The game already knows whether it will or not, why don't they just tell you?

# ? Aug 8, 2014 23:57

Broken Cog: Dec 29, 2009; We're all friends here

Does anyone know if Zoroastrianism has any unique events and stuff if you port them to over to Eu4?
Was thinking of converting my Ck2 zoroastrian world domination save.

# ? Aug 8, 2014 23:57

Knuc U Kinte: Aug 17, 2004

Captain Oblivious posted:

If you press someone's claim, they will only be your vassal in two circumstances:

A) They're a member of your dynasty
B) You are their De Jure Liege

Both of these scenarios are contingent upon you being a valid liege. Equal ranks cannot be vassalized.

C) You're already their liege.

# ? Aug 8, 2014 23:59

Captain Oblivious: Oct 12, 2007; I'm not like other posters

Knuc U Kinte posted:

C) You're already their liege.

Mmm, I'm not sure. If you have a vassal that's not of your Dynasty that holds a single county in Sweden and pressed their claim (while not the Emperor of Scandinavia) on the throne of Sweden, I thought they'd go independent even if you are their liege. Am I misremembering?

# ? Aug 9, 2014 00:01

ninjahedgehog: Feb 17, 2011; It's time to kick the tires and light the fires, Big Bird.

Knuc U Kinte posted:

C) ~~You're already their liege~~ They're already your vassal.

I think this is more accurate, because you're also the liege of people in your court, and they can go independent if you press their claim.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 00:02

Shnooks: Mar 24, 2007; I'M BEING BORN D:

Gumby posted:

This is all in Vanilla plus DLC:

I've got an adventurer due in about a year. What's odd is that his claim is on a county in France (two countries west of me, with no dynastic ties that I can see), he's accepted an invitation to my court, and has a great military stat. Should I assume that he's not really after my poo poo, that it's all a weird bug, and make him my marshal?

Or should I just assassinate him now that he's in my court?

Edit: Or I could just save and find out, I guess.

Edit: A year later, he's now my marshal, and the adventurer icon on the top of the screen went away. Odd.

I had this happen to me with all the DLC. It was my cousin, some prince in France, wanting some of my poo poo. I invited him to my court and gave him a ton of money and titles so he'd like me and in the end he still called his adventurers up and I lost

Good thing I saved.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 00:05

A Real Happy Camper: Dec 11, 2007; These children have taught me how to believe.

Captain Oblivious posted:

Mmm, I'm not sure. If you have a vassal that's not of your Dynasty that holds a single county in Sweden and pressed their claim (while not the Emperor of Scandinavia) on the throne of Sweden, I thought they'd go independent even if you are their liege. Am I misremembering?

As long as they're landed within your realm they will remain a vassal. I've put people in baronies in Spain as the king of Wales and pressed claims in Germany without issue.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 00:06

Edison was a dick: Apr 3, 2010; direct current only

Talky posted:

Speaking of Elder Kings, I want to try a game as the Dragur Dragon-Cultist king in Atmora where I invade Skyrim from across the sea.

The problem is that I can't give out holdings, because all my courtiers are also undead (and therefore unable to produce heirs, making them in-eligible to be granted holdings). This is a problem starting out (because you start out well over your demesne limit), and I expect it would be a headache as I continued to play. Does anyone happen to know of a way around this?

You can invite a courtier via decision while paused, and give them the title before the undead trait gets applied.

Your plans of invading the mainland won't work though, you can't get CB on anything that far away.

I know this because I wanted to do the same thing as you, even if you take all of Atmora, you've got nowhere to expand to.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 00:06

Kangaroo Jerk: Jul 23, 2000

Shnooks posted:

I had this happen to me with all the DLC. It was my cousin, some prince in France, wanting some of my poo poo. I invited him to my court and gave him a ton of money and titles so he'd like me and in the end he still called his adventurers up and I lost Good thing I saved.

First thing I did after making him Marshal was revoke his ability to lead troops; I don't know if that flipped a script switch somewhere to my benefit or not.

Funny thing is he ended up leading the troops against my entire extended family (half of Europe easy) in an Independence revolt, then died in bed at the age of 56.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 00:30

Knuc U Kinte: Aug 17, 2004

ninjahedgehog posted:

I think this is more accurate, because you're also the liege of people in your court, and they can go independent if you press their claim.

A liege is concerned with vassals. That's what it means. I think you're conflating it with "lord".

# ? Aug 9, 2014 00:31

ninjahedgehog: Feb 17, 2011; It's time to kick the tires and light the fires, Big Bird.

Knuc U Kinte posted:

A liege is concerned with vassals. That's what it means. I think you're conflating it with "lord".

I'm at work, or I'd boot up the game real quick to check myself (and then probably play for a few hours) but when you click on a courtier, doesn't it show their liege in the corner the same as a landed vassal?

This all pretty pedantic, of course, but now I'm curious.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 01:00

Knuc U Kinte: Aug 17, 2004

ninjahedgehog posted:

I'm at work, or I'd boot up the game real quick to check myself (and then probably play for a few hours) but when you click on a courtier, doesn't it show their liege in the corner the same as a landed vassal?

This all pretty pedantic, of course, but now I'm curious.

Yeah it does, but I suppose that's just the game not making the distinction. I don't think anyone who know's what liege means would say that you are the liege of your random unlanded courtiers.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 01:03

WAMPA_STOMPA: Oct 21, 2010

Why does my vassal trade republic have like 10 option for Wrong Government Type? Is that my government or his or what? I mean he was mad for Other Reasons and might kill me with his rebelling army but assuming I survive that

# ? Aug 9, 2014 03:04

SIGSEGV: Nov 4, 2010

WAMPA_STOMPA posted:

Why does my vassal trade republic have like 10 option for Wrong Government Type? Is that my government or his or what? I mean he was mad for Other Reasons and might kill me with his rebelling army but assuming I survive that

He's a republican and is unhappy to be under the yoke of some stupid nobleman. It would also be true if you were a king-bishop but theocracies are not playable. Basically, not the same government type bring in a penalty automatically.

I've noticed a funny little bug, if you look at a patrician's palace holding and he is the last of his family and gets murdered, the game will segfault.

Also I've got a few of the songs DLC and I want to listen to them but I'm kinda busy restoring Rome and crushing the world and even legacy of rome dot ogg gets a bit monotonous now. How do I modify the music file to make all the songs play? It only mentions the non DLC songs.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 03:16

WAMPA_STOMPA: Oct 21, 2010

Oh and I guess harsh city taxes applies to him too. Oops

# ? Aug 9, 2014 03:34

Tomn: Aug 23, 2007; And the angel said unto him
"Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
But lo he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands

SIGSEGV posted:

He's a republican and is unhappy to be under the yoke of some stupid nobleman. It would also be true if you were a king-bishop but theocracies are not playable. Basically, not the same government type bring in a penalty automatically.

It's also true if you happen to be a republican and somehow get a noble vassal. The penalty's -30, though - nobles REALLY don't like being ruled by commoners.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 07:26

Captain Oblivious: Oct 12, 2007; I'm not like other posters

Tomn posted:

It's also true if you happen to be a republican and somehow get a noble vassal. The penalty's -30, though - nobles REALLY don't like being ruled by commoners.

-30 is the opinion penalty for both scenarios. It's a generic "Wrong Government" malus.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 07:33

Deus Rex: Mar 5, 2005

Is there any way to keep my de jure duchies from using Gavelkind succession? It really screws with these powerful duchies I put into place so I'd have massive vassal levies.

Should I just be murdering all but one of their successors?

edit: never mind, it seems it's just because the new dukes like me a lot less. :doh:

# ? Aug 9, 2014 08:29

Strudel Man: May 19, 2003; ROME DID NOT HAVE ROBOTS, FUCKWIT

Yeah, your vassals using gavalkind is eminently desirable. Not only does it keep them from accumulating too much power, it even (to a limited extent) acts to keep internal borders slightly less untidy.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 08:47

Sir PigglyWiggly: Jan 12, 2013; I got lost in the woods.
Now I'm a tree!

How do I stop my self from impregnating my goddamn wife.

I have 22 kids, massive successions crisis on the horizon and he knocked her up again.

drat it Haldar you are 92 years old keep it in your pants! :argh:

How do you even regain the lustful trait so late in your life? Cause of your bullshit I have redheaded Turkish vikings asking for land and some black guy who owns Gao calls me grandpa and trys to call me into wars. And a question, why do they keep asking me to name so many children, don't they normally name them, themselves?

Also is there any reason why one of my sons would not appear on my list of electables. He was before and I had him set, then I created a pet republic and it made me rechoose all of the electable titles, and then he wasn't on it. His twin sister is however.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 10:57

MrBling: Aug 21, 2003; Oozing machismo

Sir PigglyWiggly posted:

Also is there any reason why one of my sons would not appear on my list of electables. He was before and I had him set, then I created a pet republic and it made me rechoose all of the electable titles, and then he wasn't on it. His twin sister is however.

If your son is part of the republic succession that removes him from all other title successions. It could also just a temporary bug, there are a lot of succession weirdness that fixes itself by saving and re-loading since it re-calculates successions on load.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 11:06

Kidd-Liggit: Sep 6, 2011; You mean I have to go to Philly?

I've had the same thing happen, just save and then load it back up to fix it.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 11:12

Sky Pilot: Feb 15, 2011

Update from the guy who got turned into a chicken: A year or so later, he turned back and now has the "Strange" trait, which gives -.01 prestige a year. Kinda disappointing, really.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 12:00

DrSunshine: Mar 23, 2009; Did I just say that out loud~~?!!!

Sir PigglyWiggly posted:

How do I stop my self from impregnating my goddamn wife.

I have 22 kids, massive successions crisis on the horizon and he knocked her up again.

drat it Haldar you are 92 years old keep it in your pants! How do you even regain the lustful trait so late in your life? Cause of your bullshit I have redheaded Turkish vikings asking for land and some black guy who owns Gao calls me grandpa and trys to call me into wars. And a question, why do they keep asking me to name so many children, don't they normally name them, themselves?

Also is there any reason why one of my sons would not appear on my list of electables. He was before and I had him set, then I created a pet republic and it made me rechoose all of the electable titles, and then he wasn't on it. His twin sister is however.

It's you! You're Walder Frey!

# ? Aug 9, 2014 13:59

Servetus: Apr 1, 2010

Sir PigglyWiggly posted:

How do I stop my self from impregnating my goddamn wife.

I have 22 kids, massive successions crisis on the horizon and he knocked her up again.

drat it Haldar you are 92 years old keep it in your pants! How do you even regain the lustful trait so late in your life? Cause of your bullshit I have redheaded Turkish vikings asking for land and some black guy who owns Gao calls me grandpa and trys to call me into wars. And a question, why do they keep asking me to name so many children, don't they normally name them, themselves?

Also is there any reason why one of my sons would not appear on my list of electables. He was before and I had him set, then I created a pet republic and it made me rechoose all of the electable titles, and then he wasn't on it. His twin sister is however.

Could this be added to the OP please?

This is one of those CKII stories that needs to be shared.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 15:59

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Servetus posted:

Could this be added to the OP please?

This is one of those CKII stories that needs to be shared.

Seconding this, there needs to be a collection of these in the OP. People need to understand that this is the true CK2 experience.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 16:03

Fuligin: Oct 27, 2010; wait what the fuck??

Sir PigglyWiggly posted:

How do I stop my self from impregnating my goddamn wife.

I have 22 kids, massive successions crisis on the horizon and he knocked her up again.

drat it Haldar you are 92 years old keep it in your pants! How do you even regain the lustful trait so late in your life? Cause of your bullshit I have redheaded Turkish vikings asking for land and some black guy who owns Gao calls me grandpa and trys to call me into wars. And a question, why do they keep asking me to name so many children, don't they normally name them, themselves?

Also is there any reason why one of my sons would not appear on my list of electables. He was before and I had him set, then I created a pet republic and it made me rechoose all of the electable titles, and then he wasn't on it. His twin sister is however.

There really needs to be a "I said NO you crazy Dutch/Persian/French/____ bastard!" option for rulers who won't stop begging you to let them marry your stable of breeding courtiers or batphoning you for assistance in their stupid wars.

# ? Aug 9, 2014 16:13

Luigi Thirty: Apr 30, 2006; Emergency confection port.

I thought I'd seen everything in this game, now West Francia lost Aquitaine to the Muslims in a holy war (legacy of Charles Martel ruined) and they were so distraught that... West Francia became France and is now a papal fief run by a lowborn pope. :wtc:

# ? Aug 9, 2014 16:50

paranoid randroid: Mar 4, 2007

Sir PigglyWiggly posted:

How do I stop my self from impregnating my goddamn wife.

I have 22 kids, massive successions crisis on the horizon and he knocked her up again.

drat it Haldar you are 92 years old keep it in your pants! How do you even regain the lustful trait so late in your life? Cause of your bullshit I have redheaded Turkish vikings asking for land and some black guy who owns Gao calls me grandpa and trys to call me into wars. And a question, why do they keep asking me to name so many children, don't they normally name them, themselves?

Also is there any reason why one of my sons would not appear on my list of electables. He was before and I had him set, then I created a pet republic and it made me rechoose all of the electable titles, and then he wasn't on it. His twin sister is however.

Now try that but as a muslim! Omar al-Fuckbrain has become decadent? Who the hell is that? My third half-grandson?

I imagine that once a day, some guy comes into court pushing a wheelbarrow full of reports on which family members are kicking it haraam.

e. the siege event notifications in my game seem to have reset themselves to being full pop-ups and that is really annoying. How do you set siege events to show in the high/low priority message tabs?

paranoid randroid fucked around with this message at 17:02 on Aug 9, 2014

# ? Aug 9, 2014 16:57

Captain Oblivious: Oct 12, 2007; I'm not like other posters

Luigi Thirty posted:

I thought I'd seen everything in this game, now West Francia lost Aquitaine to the Muslims in a holy war (legacy of Charles Martel ruined) and they were so distraught that... West Francia became France and is now a papal fief run by a lowborn pope.

But...how? :psyduck:

# ? Aug 9, 2014 17:05

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# ? Jun 4, 2024 12:20

DrSunshine: Mar 23, 2009; Did I just say that out loud~~?!!!

Another day another fix.

Sonendar 1.06.2

I hope this fixes a bunch of stuff!!

It would be really nice to have someone around to help with adding new provinces and so forth. :shobon:

# ? Aug 9, 2014 17:53

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