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Okay this has to be a REAL CRIME, not "oh charging $10 for a forum har de har har." I think this is the perfect crime: throwing a bean at a dog. Because think about it, you hit the dog and then it eats the evidence. You just committed animal cruelty and the dog makes sure there's nothing to prove you did it (you would have to do it in the dark or in a field or an island or somewhere people won't see you). I don't think there is a more perfect crime than this, but you can try to prove me wrong.
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Aug 21, 2014 02:03
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stealing bread from a bird
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Aug 21, 2014 02:04
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i already did it but I'm not telling
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Aug 21, 2014 02:05
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Buying something from one side of a department store, and then putting unbought products into the plastic bags as you're making your way to the exit.
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Aug 21, 2014 02:05
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jacking off in the back seat of the minivan so mom doesnt know
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Aug 21, 2014 02:05
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Promising forums downtime, keeping everyone in a perpetual state of elevated panic as a smokescreen for nefarious gains. You could do anything anything I tell you, and no one would be the wiser.
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Aug 21, 2014 02:05
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subhuman filth posted:jacking off in the back seat of the minivan so mom doesnt know mom definitely knows..she's just afraid to confront you about it
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Aug 21, 2014 02:06
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stealing candy from a baby baby doesnt know english dad gets mad
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Aug 21, 2014 02:06
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murdering livestock on the way to the slaughterhouse
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Aug 21, 2014 02:08
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being rich and white, i guess. it's basically the umbrella crime so you can get away with pretty much any other one too.
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Aug 21, 2014 02:08
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I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
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Aug 21, 2014 02:08
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Imagine being able to ejaculate wormholes 15 years into the past. like you'd be having sex with someone who could legally consent at age 30, but climaxing into a minor
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Aug 21, 2014 02:08
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farting and blaming it on the dog
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Aug 21, 2014 02:09
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FartRomancer.EXE posted:I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier. 
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Aug 21, 2014 02:09
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not being at the something awful office at that time i stopepd by to visit you OP
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Aug 21, 2014 02:09
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Standing under a falling icicle. They can't prove it's a suicide attempt, because icicles fall all the time and you just happened to be walking under one at the time it fell, so if you live, you can't be charged. And if you die, it's what you wanted anyway. Win-win.
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Aug 21, 2014 02:09
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Copley Depot posted:mom definitely knows..she's just afraid to confront you about it the perfect crime
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Aug 21, 2014 02:10
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Stealing the gift of fire from the ancient greek gods, for sure. gently caress you Zeus we're gonna oxidize the poo poo out of whatever we want now
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Aug 21, 2014 02:10
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stealing candy from babies by moving it beyond their line of sight
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Aug 21, 2014 02:10
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Lollygaggin'
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Aug 21, 2014 02:10
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Murdering a black person in Florida
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Aug 21, 2014 02:11
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a starwar betamax posted:not being at the something awful office at that time i stopepd by to visit you OP
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Aug 21, 2014 02:11
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those fucks skimming pennies off of wallstreet are pretty smart.
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Aug 21, 2014 02:11
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Bottling tap water.
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Aug 21, 2014 02:11
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Lowtax has gone soft wtf
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Aug 21, 2014 02:13
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Dexters Secret posted:Murdering a black person in any red state
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Aug 21, 2014 02:14
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anime
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Aug 21, 2014 02:15
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i don't know about the perfect crime but this here verse is the perfect rhyme
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Aug 21, 2014 02:15
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watwat posted:Lowtax has gone soft wtf i'm pretty sure running somethingawful is equivalent to running a drug cartel. imagine trying to control all those uneducated fucks carrying around your drugs
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Aug 21, 2014 02:15
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Creating a Let's Play.
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Aug 21, 2014 02:15
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LOU BEGAS MUSTACHE posted:charging 10 dollars for an internet forum, and another 10 dollars if you get banned, and 10 more dollars for basic features all forums have Look how even more stupid you are by trying to edit it out
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Aug 21, 2014 02:16
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Going to a breakfast buffet and taking some bread to eat later for lunch.
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Aug 21, 2014 02:16
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Lowtax posted:Look how stupid you are he tried to commit the perfect crime.. and failed 
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Aug 21, 2014 02:17
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Lowtax posted:I was probably passed out somewhere else. it was the day the power went out on the whole city because you live in a shithole. probably one of the most disapointing days of my life because i didnt meet my idol. did you get my love notes i hope so
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Aug 21, 2014 02:17
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Lowtax posted:Look how stupid you are oh well i played a dangerous game
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Aug 21, 2014 02:17
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a starwar betamax posted:it was the day the power went out on the whole city because you live in a shithole. probably one of the most disapointing days of my life because i didnt meet my idol. did you get my love notes i hope so
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Aug 21, 2014 02:18
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making a kickstarter that entices autists and never delivering acceptable topics: - spaceships - hot dog - trans video games
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Aug 21, 2014 02:18
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Becoming a police officer so you could get away with killing people.
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Aug 21, 2014 02:18
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Lowtax posted:Look how stupid you are you gonna let him talk to you like that, lowtax?
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Aug 21, 2014 02:18
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| # ? Jun 11, 2024 08:58 |
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Printing supernotes I think is probably the perfect crime. The only reason they even know about one of the supernote operations is because they introduced a defect on purpose so the forgers wouldn't get it confused with real money. That's crazy. I guess the trick with counterfeiting is always to trade them for poo poo but if they're that good you can probably put them in a bank or whatever and no-one would ever know. Man you have to be crazy good to make a supernote though and if you're that could probably could more money doing something legal? I don't know, maybe not, there really isn't much call for super high end engravers or whatever any more. Street art is a pretty cool crime because if you're Banksy then you actually end up making the wall worth more than it was when you got there, so if they try and prove you devalued their wall you can say nuh I valued it, I'm going to sue your wall for defacing my art. Being a psychic (or a priest or whatever) is a realllly good crime because you can lie about whatever you want and make your marks believe what you're saying and make them give you all their money for a chance at talking to their dead relatives (or make them go to heaven or whatever) but you've got this huuuge magic asterix over your thing going FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY and you're golden.
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Aug 21, 2014 02:19
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