kazil posted:

Yeah right, next you'll tell me that The Rock isn't his real name.

NtotheTC posted:

The new STDH craze that all the kids are talking about. Is your Facebook feed looking dull and uninteresting? Not many likes? Write a hilarious story on a piece of card and hold it up next to your dog! People will HAVE to believe it cos like.. the dog is right there man, why would he make it up?

http://news.distractify.com/fun/fails/dogs-who-are-shamelessly-proud-of-what-they-just-did/

kinmik posted:

Dave loving deserved it. He was probably doing it to console the dog, but you just don't leave an animal loose on your lap in a moving vehicle.

Serperoth posted:

Wikipedia says his actual name is David Michael Bautista, Jr. Batista is his ring name.

quote:

Oh My favourite kind of stupidity/sexism....
Smelly man sits next to me on the bus, I am reading a book (as per usual its a horror/thriller my favourite)
Man: Hey baby, What you readin?
Me: its a book about a series of complex murders in the south east of England.
Man: (looks confused and sniggers) what you doin reading scary poo poo like that?
Me: because I love to read and it just so happens its a genre that fascinates me.
Man: but its boy stuff, that poo poo is scary. i thought you lot liked magazines and poo poo
Me: i don't like Magazines, I read books
Man: poo poo Girl, why would you?! Why would a pretty girl like you need to read...
Me:(takes deep breath and represses desire to thrust in to his chubby jaw)
Well I read so that when ignorant, stupid, narrow minded, smelly pricks such as yourself try and make convocation with me I can use Big words Like Coccydynia, Microphallus, Hircismus and Gargantuan to insult them ..... and hopefully it confuse you/them so much that they will run away or in a more desirable outcome, their head will explode.....
Man: (confused like a fly who has met a window for the first time)
Me: aw bubbles, sugar plum honey pot, next time I will make sure to bring my "How Not To Be A Sexist Prick" Pop up book for you to play with...
Man: Fuckin Dyke....
Me: oh sorry what gave me away?
Was it the well known fact that Only Lesbians can read,
or the impossibility of me being attracted to men, (because of course if I do not desire you, how could I possibly desire another man)
or simply did I forget to wash my hands this morning
Man:(tries to speak, notices the whole bus is watching him... scrunches face... I await the coveted Head Explosion.... And runs off bus)
Old lady in front of me turns round smiles and says "Must be a very good book"
Today's fun factor : 9/10

Bertrand Hustle posted:

She writes like she's only ever heard second-hand descriptions of human conversation convocation and has no idea how people talk.

quote:

(I work in the meat and seafood section of my store. My department closes at 10 pm, but the store itself is open until midnight. It is 10:15 pm and I am finishing cleaning when a customer approaches.)

Customer: “Can I get two pounds of catfish?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We’re closed.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me. The doors aren’t locked, the lights are still on, and you’re still here. I want two pounds of catfish.”

Me: “The store is open until midnight, yes. But my department closes at 10 o’clock.”

Customer: “I thought I told you not to lie to me! That’s the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard! The department closing before the store does; do you think I’m stupid or something?!”

Me: *trying not to take the bait* “I’m afraid that’s just how it is, sir. Seafood counter closes at 10.”

Customer: “DON’T F***ING LIE TO ME! YOU HAVE TO SERVE ME! I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE!”

Me: “Yes, I can see that you’re standing right there. However, your standing there has no bearing on the time we shut down this department.”

Customer: “I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE! YOU HAVE TO SERVE ME! I WANT TWO POUNDS OF CATFISH!”

(I put a sign that says CLOSED on the counter. The customer screamed in inarticulate rage and punched my glass display case. He screamed again in pain and ran away clutching his hand, shouting about how he would sue me for assault.)

Khazar-khum posted:

Go fish.

Bertrand Hustle posted:

I work part-time in a supermarket bakery that closes an hour before the store does on weeknights. No customer who has ever asked me when we close and gotten that answer has ever raised a stink.

I will grant that customers can and will act like entitled shitheads from time to time, far more often than I would like, but the vast majority of people I've encountered are completely fine with the concept of individual departments closing before the whole store.

quote:

I was visiting So. Cal with my girlfriend of two years and we decided to make a trip to Disneyland for the day. That morning, she had packed us a nice lunch with lots of veggies and healthy poo poo. I had no objection to eating healthy for once, as the majority of my meals in LA consisted of Taco Bell and In-N-Out (I'm Canadian so I have to take advantage of this whenever possible)

Throughout this vacation, her and I constantly made back-and-forth jokes about our lovely eating habits and how we had left our healthy lifestyles back at home.

Well, that morning, she packs a big bag of spinach for us to munch on. Spinach is my favorite healthy snack. However, she did not take into account the fact that it would be sitting in the bottom of her backpack, squished by the weight of other various fooditems, for several hours in the Anaheim heat.

So I'm standing in line for the Indiana Jones ride, it's about 5 o'clock and I'm starting to feel snackish. So I reach into her backpack and pull out this gnarly looking bag of spinach. Most of the leaves had already turned into that flaccid combination of very dark green/brown pulp, not appetizing at all.

Feeling disappointed, I turn to my girlfriend and say jokingly, "Everyone here should just leave their vegetables at home. They have no reason to be at a place like this." She laughed and my heart melted a little bit.

"EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?"

I turn around and a mother with her severely disabled daughter is standing right behind me in line. Both are wearing bright orange shirts with some charity's logo on it and "DISNEYLAND 2014" in boldface across the chest. Then I look behind them. There is a large group of people wearing the same shirts. And they all have the same expression of disgust on their faces.

"My daughter is not a vegetable! She is the sweetest, kindest thing ever! Yatta yatta yatta. How DARE you tell me where I can and can't take my own child!"

Realizing what she thought I meant, I quickly tried to cover up my rear end.

"Oh no. No. No. No. I didn't mean it that way! I was just referring to this rotten bag of spinach!"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL HER?"

I pull out the bag of spinach from the backpack. One of the guys from the group walks up to me and says "You think you're funny? Try taking care of a child with cerebral palsy, let alone suffer from it! I'm sure you wouldn't be loving laughing."

Before giving me another chance to explain myself, he walks between my girlfriend and I as to cut off our spot in line. Then he signals for the rest of the group to walk right by us. I had already waited in line for approximately 40 minutes, and now a group of 20+ people felt they had the right to budge us in line because of a simple misunderstanding.

"What do you think you're doing?" I ask him

"We're going on this ride before you."

"What gives you the right to do that?"

"You loving insulted my niece, that's what!"

My girlfriend is telling me to let it go, but I'm not letting this douchebag get away with this. So I walk ahead to the front of the group to reassert our position in line. The mother says "no, you're gonna have to wait in line like everybody else."

WTF?

I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. People from the group were forcefully pushing me to the back of the line. My brain was about to explode from the absurdness of the situation. Without thinking, I immediately turned around and swung at the douchebag who cut us off, hitting him square in the jaw. By this time, the rest of the people in line were watching us.

My girlfriend rushed over and pulled me out of there before I heard one of the ladies from the group scream "I NEED A CAST MEMBER!"

Two park employees came running up to us asking what all the commotion was. The mother of the handicapped girl told them how we had PERSONALLY insulted her child, as well as other disabled children in general. Then they said that I had tried taking their place in line because I thought their group was too large. THEN the one d-bag showed the staff his swollen cheek, saying how I turned violent when I wouldn't return to my place in line. That part was true, but the way he explained it to them made it seem like I went Marsellus Wallace on his rear end.

Then I told them my side of the story. They didn't believe it. A nice cast member by the name of Carl escorted us out of the park. I am now banned from all Disney parks for life.

We went to Knott's the next day without any incident or vegetables.

TLDR; my spinach went bad, some crazy woman assumed I was insulting her disabled daughter and I am now no longer allowed to visit the Happiest Place on Earth.

edit 1: The staff at Disney showed us the footage of the incident before we were escorted out. I did punch another man in the face, and that's probably the main reason why I am banned. I hosed up there but I choose not to dwell on it."

Torquemada posted:

Liked this morning by two people on facebook...


Where is my 'dislike' button, Zuckerberg you prick.

PUGGERNAUT posted:

quote:

"Everyone here should just leave their vegetables at home. They have no reason to be at a place like this."

Roro posted:

quote:

Why the gently caress would you ever phrase a sentence like that?

Roro posted:

kazil posted:

Who the gently caress has spinach for a snack?

Roro posted:

Why the gently caress would you ever phrase a sentence like that?

Turtlicious posted:

I actually did have someone bitch me out once for buying stuff with foodstamps. I just told them to gently caress off and bought my stuff.

Errr I mean I judo chopped the cashier and forced the ignorant hill billy to succumb to my manhood as defender of the poors.

Fool and the World posted:

Spinach That Didn't Happen

Araenna posted:

People who are trying to "cleverly" make a joke that'll be misinterpreted, so they can hold up the bag of spinach smugly, and totally own those parents of disabled kids.

Edit: Broke the quote.

Obsolete posted:

I was just at the grocery store. The person in front of me used her EBT to pay for groceries. They wanted to buy some $2 Hello Kitty straws and they apparently weren't covered. Neither the person nor the cashier figured this out until the EBT went through and the bill was $2 short. After a couple minutes of them trying to remove the straws from the bill, I just stepped up and offered to pay for the straws. It went through and the person said "oh bless you, thank you so much." It was hard* not to lay down some sick /r/atheism burns.

*false

By the way, a big part of these stories is how everyone behind ARE HERO cheers. You know what people behind me did here, and in almost all other situations? They saw the line was moving slow and just went to another line.

sweeperbravo posted:

That's what bugs me about it too (ignoring it even happening)

Ha! ha! Bout time someone took those spoiled folks down a peg.

The Ape of Naples posted:

FYI, that was very nice of you and this is one of those cases when someone should applaud and cheer. And I'm sure they're kids were happy to have some fun straws. We should all be doing poo poo like this.

Captain Bravo posted:

For some poo poo That Did Happen, I once interviewed a guy with the local food bank, on the air, about their food drive. He asked people if they wouldn't mind donating some sugary cereal, beef jerky, fruit snacks, etc. He said they already had received a bunch of donations of canned vegetables and dry pasta and stuff, but he'd like to have more things they could give out which the children of poor families would really enjoy eating. People got pissed, and a few actually called in to complain. He was called everything from a socialist, to an ungrateful bastard, for daring to suggest that maybe poor people should get something other than the cheapest, blandest poo poo available.

quote:

Q.
Can I bring outside food and beverages into Disneyland Park or Disney California Adventure Park?
A.
At the present time, you can enjoy your own food and beverages in an ideal setting at the complimentary picnic area—conveniently located outside the Main Entrance to Disneyland Park.

However, with the exception of food items for Guests with specific dietary restrictions, outside food or beverage items are not permitted in either of the Disneyland Resort theme parks.

The Disneyland Resort features a variety of great dining options for almost every taste and budget—including a wide range of choices to help accommodate Guests with food allergies or intolerances.

newreply.php posted:

Bertrand Hustle posted:

I was all set to say that nobody who is nasty to customers lasts long in retail but I had a coworker with a nasty streak a mile wide who was there for years before she quit in a huff over being spoken to by the store manager for doing a lovely half-assed job on a task she was asked to do. Of course, she never actually verbally abused a customer that I saw, but she blew up at several coworkers and snapped at customers on multiple occasions. With my current manager she'd have been chewed out so loving hard I kind of wish we'd had him back then.

But I digress. I would think if you owned the store you wouldn't put up with somebody bitching out your friend and wouldn't need to call a manager over to fire them. Just be all "yo, I own this company and we do not tolerate employees who treat our guests with such open hostility, so get your poo poo and get out" and just explain it to the manager later. If she's that awful the manager's probably been itching to find a reason to get rid of her anyway.