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  • Locked thread
Silverminnow
Feb 25, 2008
Shiniest fish in the sea!
Well, while we wait I'll go ahead and show my build.

Johnny Bravo is a male Human fighter of The Good, The Bad, And The Bravo.

Equipment:
Platinum War Hammer
Oak Wood Shield
Adamantine Cap
Leather Armor
Adamantine Mail Shirt
Adamantine Gauntlets
Adamantine High Boots

Skills:
Level 9 Fighting (Professional)
Level 9 Hammer (Professional)
Level 3 Dodging (Competent)
Level 6 Shield (Talented)
Level 1 Armor (Novice)

I admit that I didn't have much of a plan going in other than I wanted to use a warhammer. I figured I would have done more in the 3rd place match as hammers are real good at ignoring armor. However I had recently upgraded from a silver war hammer to a platinum one. Platinum is heavier but I think (just theorizing here) it might be too heavy for some races to reliably use? If I could do it again I would have stayed with the silver hammer and put the extra points elsewhere. Those of you who guessed Johnny Bravo was fully suited up in adamantine were correct! I was able to sell all his iron equipment and replace it with adamantine when we got the double points after the first set of fights.

I used this to decide what a "full suit" was:



I'm not sure if it's accurate anymore or to the tournament but it seemed like the only open gaps in my armor were my nose, eyes and ears.

After seeing that my teammates weren't suiting up in favor of more skill/adamantine weaponry I decided to be the "tank" of the group. I had a shield and in the end even a little dodging! I ran some one on one fights with my teammates and it was very hard to kill me with non-blunt weaponry. Overall I am happy with my build and I plan to use something similar in any other tanky needs.

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Astus
Nov 11, 2008
If we're showing off builds, Prancer III probably had one of the simplest builds possible:

Equipment:
Adamantine Large Dagger
Leather Low Boots

Skills:
Level 6 Fighting (Talented)
Level 7 Knife (Adept)
Level 2 Wrestling (Adequate)
Level 6 Dodging (Talented)

Can't really remember why I picked up some wrestling, probably just to spend some left over points. Same with the boots.

Honestly surprised he managed to actually contribute to the team as well as he did.

ZeeToo
Feb 20, 2008

I'm a kitty!

Silverminnow posted:

Platinum is heavier but I think (just theorizing here) it might be too heavy for some races to reliably use?

This, at least, used to happen! I'm not so sure it happens any longer, because I tested some antwomen with warhammers turned up to 100 times (the arena version of) slade's weight and they didn't seem to have issues with it, even besting a mirror team who swapped out that heavy material for normal silver. It does seem to be the case that silver is quite likely the best cost vs value for most purposes, though.

I'm not sure if this was due to being overly exerted or the weight:

quote:

Antman 2 bashes Antman 4 in the head with its neutronium war hammer, but there is no force!
Antman 3 bashes Antman 4 in the head with its neutronium war hammer, but there is no force!
Antman 2 bashes Antman 4 in the head with its neutronium war hammer, but there is no force!
Antman 3 bashes Antman 4 in the head with its neutronium war hammer, but there is no force!

As far as MISW, he's just a pretty standard shield-and-hammer minotaur:

quote:

ZeeToo, you are managing MatchlessIdealSublimeWarrior, a male Minotaur fighter.

This fighter is participating in the 1050 Unofficial Test League tournament as a member of Minotaur Mites.

He has the following equipment.
Silver War Hammer
Oak Wood Shield
Copper Mail Shirt
Copper Gauntlets
Copper High Boots

He has the following skills.
Level 1 Fighting (Novice)
Level 5 Hammer (Proficient)
Level 4 Shield (Skilled)

Even copper armor seems to do a little something good, especially on the big guys, but, uh... not so much here. MISW got his head handed to him reliably. Sometimes literally.

ZeeToo fucked around with this message at 02:51 on Sep 3, 2014

Galick
Nov 26, 2011

Why does Khajiit have to go to prison this time?
code:
Axel the Dark Hero is a male Dwarf fighter managed by you.

This fighter is participating in the 1050 Unofficial Test League tournament as a member of Team Tiny Arms.

He has 0 points currently available to spend.

He has the following equipment.
Copper Helm
Copper Mail Shirt
Copper Breast Plate
Copper Greaves
Copper Gauntlets
Copper High Boots

He has the following skills.
Level 5 Fighting (Proficient)
Level 3 Wrestling (Competent)
Level 8 Striking (Expert)
Level 5 Biting (Proficient)
Level 10 Dodging (Accomplished)
Level 5 Kicking (Proficient)
Pretty basic, though I probably should've dropped the points in wrestling and biting to get better armor or something.

Neurion
Jun 3, 2013

The musical fruit
The more you eat
The more you hoot

Axel the Dark Hero shall return as Axel the Prison Warden.

Locomotive breath
Feb 1, 2010
Aaah, sure, I'll engage in some sharing too! There's really not too much to say about my build, it's a pretty classic one.

code:
Paper Machete is a male Elf fighter managed by you.
He has the following equipment:
Iron Long Sword
Oak Wood Shield

He has the following skills:
Level 4 Fighting (Skilled)
Level 7 Sword (Adept)
Level 6 Dodging (Talented)
Level 7 Shield (Adept)
It's a standard "high skill, no armor" build, that I likely would have expanded into a better sword + better skills, had Spermy not ruined our wonderful team with his horrid, inferior moleman. :v: Still blame you. I will always blame you. Alwaaaays. But not you Tunicate. You're cool.

atomicthumbs
Dec 26, 2010


We're in the business of extending man's senses.
code:
atomicthumbs, you are managing Nibbles, a male Kobold fighter.

He has the following equipment.
 Steel Short Sword
 Oak Wood Buckler
 Iron Cap
 Leather Armor

He has the following skills.
 Level 3 Fighting (Competent)
 Level 9 Sword (Professional)
 Level 10 Dodging (Accomplished)
 Level 1 Shield (Novice)
 Level 2 Armor (Adequate)
:geno:

Jazzimus Prime
May 16, 2002

The Brothers Autobot
It looks like we'll do another test tournament after this one, since I've been way too busy lately to get all the stuff done on the site that I wanted for the official tournament. I do have the code finished for running fights out of order, though, so we won't be constrained by that anymore.

Which means that this next test tournament will probably be finished even more quickly, and then I still might not be done coding all the changes I wanted to make. :ohdear: Maybe I should have worked on another feature first. Too late now, I guess.

Spoggerific
May 28, 2009
The most recent devblog mentions fixing the firing rate for ranged attacks. Maybe waiting until the next version is out would be a good idea? He's been releasing them fairly quickly recently, so I imagine it wouldn't be too long of a wait.

The devblog in question:

Toady One posted:

  • Made chained animal checks respect z coordinate properly
  • Made dwarf children not seek their mothers when idle, especially in violation of area restrictions
  • Stopped brief necro master-apprentice relationships from forming in
  • Stopped other necro tower townish behavior like fake grazing disputes
  • Made flying adventurer able to fly over ramps without using them
  • Made strength/agility/tissue layer effects work for gaits (Quietust)
  • Fixed other issues causing dwarves to be able to prefer the wrong (generated) materials
  • Adjusted firing rate for projectiles again to make them more like the older versions
  • Discounted rust when listing relevant skill for squad candidate
  • Made adamantine clothing available in arena

Silverminnow
Feb 25, 2008
Shiniest fish in the sea!

Jazzimus Prime posted:

Which means that this next test tournament will probably be finished even more quickly, and then I still might not be done coding all the changes I wanted to make. :ohdear:

We could stick to more of a schedule. Perhaps one fight a day? Or are the participants too used to our blistering pace now? Keep in mind with the side tournaments going on in the new thread we'll be updating the main tournament slower than here probably. Unless of course we get more commissioners. What do you fine thread folks think? Do you want updates at the same speed as this test tournament or are you okay with one fight a day?

Tunicate
May 15, 2012

quote:

Tunicate, you are managing Love, a female Strangler fighter.

She has the following equipment.
Oak Wood Helm
Copper Mail Shirt
Leather Gauntlets

She has the following skills.
Level 4 Fighting (Skilled)
Level 1 Wrestling (Novice)
Level 14 Biting (Grand Master)
Level 10 Dodging (Accomplished)
Level 2 Armor (Adequate)

I'm actually curious how the opportunities randomly given by 'fighting' combine with the attack-choice on the AI. I wouldn't be surprised if having less fighting would result in better overall performance.

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous

Tunicate posted:

I'm actually curious how the opportunities randomly given by 'fighting' combine with the attack-choice on the AI. I wouldn't be surprised if having less fighting would result in better overall performance.

There's a 'sweet spot' for fighting, depending on your build. You're always better off with at least some skill in it, just don't ever raise it above your weapon skill.

edit: Unarmed fighters live and die based on their fighting skill.

Ramc
May 4, 2008

Bringing your thread to a screeching halt, guaranteed.

my dad posted:

There's a 'sweet spot' for fighting, depending on your build. You're always better off with at least some skill in it, just don't ever raise it above your weapon skill.

edit: Unarmed fighters live and die based on their fighting skill.

Why is that? (in both cases)

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous

Ramc posted:

Why is that? (in both cases)

1) No particular reason beyond being ridiculously cost ineffective. Attacks of opportunity are very useful against dodgy and heavily armored enemies, but points spent in weapon skill are much better than points spent in fighting. Tunicate was also right about too much fighting skill sometimes lowering battle performance, but that's dependent on luck and build. If you're a gremlin, you really don't want to punch people. But even a dwarf can dish out some serious damage with a punch to the gut. A bit of fighting skill always helps.

2) As for unarmed fighters, well, attacks of opportunity massively increase the strength of the blow. If you are unarmed, they are your best chance of breaking armor, and you don't care about occasionally ignoring your weapon because you don't have a weapon. I've seen tigermen liquefy limbs in a single blow and stranglers biting armored trolls hard enough to make them faint. More fighting skill = better chances of this happening.

Jack the Lad
Jan 20, 2009

Feed the Pubs

As I understand it, bonus attacks granted by Fighting are free - as in they don't replace an attack with your weapon you were going to make, they just happen, outside of the usual tick timer.

That said, I'm still not sure of its value as a skill and I didn't have any on my fighter.

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous
MASSIVE changes in the new devlog:

quote:

Made chained animal checks respect z coordinate properly
Made dwarf children not seek their mothers when idle, especially in violation of area restrictions
Stopped brief necro master-apprentice relationships from forming in towns
Stopped other necro tower townish behavior like fake grazing disputes
Made flying adventurer able to fly over ramps without using them
Made strength/agility/tissue layer effects work for gaits (Quietust)
Fixed other issues causing dwarves to be able to prefer the wrong (generated) materials
Adjusted firing rate for projectiles again to make them more like the older versions
Discounted rust when listing relevant skill for squad candidate
Made adamantine clothing available in arena

Spermy Smurf
Jul 2, 2004
My fighter, the Moleman after the first round of points since we never made it further.


He has the following equipment.
Iron Spear
Iron Spear

He has the following skills.
Level 2 Fighting (Adequate)
Level 8 Spear (Expert)
Level 1 Biting (Novice)
Level 1 Dodging (Novice)

Spermy has 5 points currently available to spend.

Dodging and biting was to blow the points because leather boots wouldn't have helped anything.

Khisanth Magus
Mar 31, 2011

Vae Victus
Khisanth magus, you are managing I'll strangle you, a male Strangler fighter.

This fighter is participating in the 1050 Unofficial Test League tournament as a member of Team Tiny Arms.

He has the following equipment.
Adamantine Pick
Oak Wood Shield
Oak Wood Shield
Bronze Cap
Copper Mail Shirt
Copper Breast Plate
Copper Leggings
Iron Gauntlets
Copper High Boots

He has the following skills.
Level 3 Dodging (Competent)
Level 3 Shield (Competent)
Level 5 Armor (Proficient)
Level 3 Misc. Object (Competent)

I grabbed the iron gauntlets to try and head off the pretty common hand injuries that cause you to drop your weapon. The pick was so no armor would stop me. The problem was my skills. I'm not sure the armor skill helped at all, and my low misc object skill meant I missed way too much. If I were to remake him I'd probably drop all the armor and armor skill and pump up my dodging and misc object skills.

Haystack
Jan 23, 2005





So, Urist the Boring was thrown together at the last minute with the basic idea that he'd have a very straightforward, dwarfy build. He ended up being a very effective glass cannon, especially with Johnny there to take hits and bruise people up.

pre:
By the semifinals he had the following equipment:
    Adamantine Great Axe
    Iron Helm
    Copper Mail Shirt
    Iron Breast Plate
    Iron Leggings
    Iron Gauntlets
    Iron High Boots

He had the following skills:
    Level 10 Fighting (Accomplished)
    Level 11 Axe (Great)
    Level 9 Dodging (Professional)
    Level 5 Armor (Proficient)

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker
Durm und Strangler, a male Strangler fighter.

This fighter is participating in the 1050 Unofficial Test League tournament as a member of Art, Politics and other Bull.

He has the following equipment.
Iron Scourge
Leather Gauntlets

He has the following skills.
Level 2 Fighting (Adequate)
Level 8 Lash (Expert)
Level 10 Dodging (Accomplished)

Durm und Strangler has 5 points currently available to spend.


Unarmoured dodger with a high damage weapon. Crippled a couple of fighters, but no acknowledged kills. Stayed conscious and alive in one losing fight long enough for a Molemarian to bleed out.

Ramc
May 4, 2008

Bringing your thread to a screeching halt, guaranteed.

Good work Jazz. Also it looks like we were so busy we missed the start of the Crawl 0.15 tourney. NEXT TIME!

Bad Munki
Nov 4, 2008

We're all mad here.


Y'all don't know how to build fighters.

Knuckle Dragger the Kobold posted:

He has the following equipment.
Slade Gauntlets

He has the following skills.
Level 4 Fighting (Skilled)
Level 14 Striking (Grand Master)
Level 12 Dodging (Master)
Level 14 Armor (Grand Master)

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous
Munki's post hides a terrible secret of space which nobody bothered to use in this tournament.

Ablative
Nov 9, 2012

Someone is getting this as an avatar. I don't know who, but it's gonna happen.

Bad Munki posted:

Y'all don't know how to build fighters.

Willow Rawhide posted:

She has the following equipment.
Adamantine Scourge
Oak Wood Shield
Steel Helm
Steel Breast Plate
Iron Greaves
Iron Gauntlets
Iron Low Boots

She has the following skills.
Level 5 Fighting (Proficient)
Level 9 Lash (Professional)
Level 5 Wrestling (Proficient)
Level 7 Dodging (Adept)
Level 7 Shield (Adept)
Level 10 Armor (Accomplished)

No, no I really don't. But I'm OK with that, because i got carried like a bitch.

Bene Elim
Feb 9, 2010

The beast from Crete that can't be beat!
That's a pretty good build, Ablative. The only vague mistake is all the points in armour. You could probably stopped at 6 points and spent the extra on an extra weapon point.

Seeing as the final fighters are locked in, here's mine;

Treeloved posted:

He has the following equipment.
Adamantine Spear
Oak Wood Shield
Steel Gauntlets
Steel High Boots

He has the following skills.
Level 4 Fighting (Skilled)
Level 14 Spear (Grand Master)
Level 5 Dodging (Proficient)
Level 11 Shield (Great)
Level 6 Armor (Talented)

sword spear and board with minimal armour. Works well as long as there's someone else to draw fire, and he doesn't get hung up on adamantine/steel helms.

Duckaerobics
Jul 22, 2007


Lipstick Apathy
Here's Sunny's build. I was originally going to use a war hammer, and I'm still not sure if it would have been better. The kicking and wrestling skills were to use up leftover points this final round.

Sunny posted:

He has the following equipment.
Adamantine Battleaxe
Copper Shield
Steel Helm
Steel Mail Shirt
Steel Gauntlets
Steel High Boots

He has the following skills.
Level 6 Fighting (Talented)
Level 8 Axe (Expert)
Level 1 Wrestling (Novice)
Level 2 Dodging (Adequate)
Level 3 Shield (Competent)
Level 4 Armor (Skilled)
Level 1 Kicking (Novice)

Ramc
May 4, 2008

Bringing your thread to a screeching halt, guaranteed.

Sure. Meat and Two Veg's building motto might have been 'put as many ranks into weaponskill as you are comfortable with, then add like 1 more rank.'

Compost Day started out-

Compost Day posted:

Weapon Skill(Sword) 8: 1080
Dodging: 5 300
Shield; 4 200
Fighting 3 90
Striking 1 10

Steel Longsword: 550
Oak Buckler: 90
Iron Gauntlets: 80

Quality weaponry, the skill to use it and some defense to avoid going down like a chump. Iron gauntlets were a hedge against getting disarmed by a hand-shot, the logic being if someone had a steel weapon they PROBABLY were equal-or-less weaponskill to me so more likely to get parried. Striking was to spend points and also get more out of the random punches and strikes I might make with Fighting.

As the tourney went on I mostly boosted my combat skills, favoring weapon skill, and picked up some steel armor along the way.

He has since evolved into

Compost Day+ posted:

Compost Day is a male Elf fighter managed by you.

This fighter is participating in the 1050 Unofficial Test League tournament as a member of Meat and Two Veg.

He has 7.4 points currently available to spend.

He has the following equipment.
Adamantine Long Sword
Oak Wood Buckler
Steel Helm
Steel Mail Shirt
Steel Gauntlets

He has the following skills.
Level 8 Fighting (Expert)
Level 14 Sword (Grand Master)
Level 2 Striking (Adequate)
Level 6 Dodging (Talented)
Level 4 Shield (Skilled)
Level 6 Armor (Talented)

Which I hope is enough.

Jazzimus Prime
May 16, 2002

The Brothers Autobot

Ramc posted:

Good work Jazz. Also it looks like we were so busy we missed the start of the Crawl 0.15 tourney. NEXT TIME!

Next time indeed. I didn't mind sitting this one out though.

Jack the Lad
Jan 20, 2009

Feed the Pubs

Okay folks, I've put together an edited arena map with 64 rings for your testing pleasure.

You'll need to save it as arena.txt and replace the file by that name in the data\init folder in your DF installation to use it.

Enjoy!

King Cohort
Mar 14, 2010



pre:
King is a male Tigerman fighter managed by King Cohort.

He has the following equipment.
Adamantine Helm
Adamantine Mail Shirt
Adamantine Greaves
Iron Gauntlets
Steel Low Boots

He has the following skills.
Level 6 Fighting (Talented)
Level 10 Wrestling (Accomplished)
Level 8 Striking (Expert)
Level 1 Biting (Novice)
Level 5 Dodging (Proficient)
Level 7 Armor (Adept)
Level 1 Kicking (Novice)
If Sunny is the Wild Animals' tank and Willie the team carry, King is the team support. He exists to get punched in the face and drag better fighters to the ground while the others do the real work. He's as armored as he is because you can't dodge while wrestling or being wrestled (or if you can, I've never seen it happen), so I needed something to keep me alive while I did my thing. Sunny and him especially both have a lot of Armor levels in order to let them reach the front line first, so they can soak up hits and the enemy fighters' attention while Willie does his thing.

Deciding what armor to upgrade has been my primary concern since the playoffs; his skills have changed very little from the first round. I started off with all iron armor except for a leather chestpiece, my logic being that the most crippling injury would be one to the feet or legs, preventing me from charging and wrestling as well. My last choice for the finals was whether to upgrade to adamantine boots or an adamantine helm, and I went with the helm in order to hedge my bets; even if King is knocked down (or out), the helm might be hard enough to penetrate that enemy fighters waste valuable time killing him while Sunny and Willie fight on. Hands and arms were less of a priority, since he has two arms, and he can wrestle with either of them.

Now that I know how the Fighting skill works, I would definitely throw in a few more Fighting levels for those sweet opportunity strikes, since King's punches can be a lot more deadly than I expected, but even without punching skill I think he'd fulfill a useful niche. My hyping up of King was mostly a smokescreen to distract people from the real threat (Willie), so let's hope it works out that way in the actual fight!

One more thing: being able to go without a weapon was a definite boon in terms of points, since Striking and Wrestling are so cheap. Potentially very effective for big guys like King, as we've witnessed, but might need a small nerf based on fighter size, much as I hate to say it.

Re: the earlier question on tournament pace, now that we have the ability to run matches out of order, and multiple commissioners (I'm going to ask to be one for the next tournament), it doesn't make sense to resume the glacial one-match-a-day pace. This is fine by me.

Maugrim
Feb 16, 2011

I eat your face
:siren: Test Tournament, Championship Match :siren:

Good afternoon and welcome to the Boatmurdered Arena. This is where it all began, ladies and gentlemen, and this is where it's likely to end in relatively short order, with or without elephants.

I say, John. What on earth are we doing here? I don't remember this from the script.

Oh, it's just a little idea I had for a new sketch. I'm presenting the grand final of this gruesome gladiatorial gala.

I'm not sure I see the comic potential.

There isn't any. It's all completely serious.

Completely serious?

Completely serious.

Righto. Break a leg and all that.

That'll be the least of it.


The Wild Animals vs Meat and Two Veg



You join us just as the fighters are lining up on opposite sides of the arena on another sweltering day deep in the bowels of the earth. We should be in for quite a spectacle and the fight will kick off in just a moment, so let's just run through the competitors.

On the left side of the arena we have The Wild Animals, featuring King, an anthropoid tiger with a bachelor's degree in breaking fingers; One-Eyed Willie, a trouser snake with a penchant for penetration; and Sunny, a molemarian who has never actually seen the sun but says he would like to visit it if he wins today. I'm sure we all wish him the best of luck with that.

Arrayed against them we can see Treeloved the elf, married to a very attractive bristlecone pine; Compost Day, another elf, who lost his sense of smell in a battle with a skunk titan and has been unpopular at parties ever since; and Onan, a human who I'm told religiously cracks one off before cracking heads. I've no idea which god's involved in that religion, honestly, but we can be sure he has his priorities straight.

Now they're all at the starting line, and there's a jolly good crowd here today.

Doctor! DOCTOR!

Oh good grief, not this one again.

Are you the brain specialist?

drat it, man, I said no Gumbies. This isn't the time or the place. Besides, I'm already ripping off a different sketch.

Oh, fine. What's going on here, anyway?

No-quarter interracial gladiatorial combat, just as soon as you lot let me get on with it.

Goodness. Is that a giant naked mole rat in steel armour?

With an adamantine battleaxe. Yes.

Carry on then.



And they're off! We have Meat and Two Veg all marching in disciplined lockstep, while Sunny lets his enthusiasm get the better of him and charges ahead of his comrades.



He pays for his rashness as Onan gets the first hit in on him with his platinum warhammer - he appears to have fractured a rear leg.

The mole doesn't seem to care much.

Those fellows don't feel any pain. You can chop all their limbs off and they'll still come at you.

That sounds terribly familiar.



Sunny's ignoring Onan and instead takes a swipe at Compost Day as he edges into range. Just a shallow slice to the neck through the steel mail - lucky he didn't have his head off with that axe.

I like all the glowing blue weapons. Very pretty.

A bit of feinting and dodging now - Treeloved in particular is looking quite limber, and handy with his oak shield - no relation to his wife, I'm told. Ah, here we go, Treeloved gets a good stab in on King - but it's deflected! The tiger has invested in an adamantine mail shirt, and it's definitely proven its worth there.

Compost Day, meanwhile, stabs Sunny in the arm with his adamantine longsword, and that's enough to make the molemarian drop his shield.

Now a bit more feinting and... ah!



Yes, it appears King has finally managed to get past Treeloved's shield and grabbed him by the throat. The elf could be in trouble here. He flails wildly with his spear but can't get through King's mail before getting put into a chokehold.



I'm back. How's the fight going?

Rather badly for whoever's hand just got chopped off, I suspect. Is that a giant naked mole rat in...

Steel armour. Yes. I'm surprised nobody's commented on the tiger man or the giant snake yet.

Naked mole rats have better shock value. Besides, a naked mole rat once bit my sister.

Wasn't that a moose?

Same thing.

But yes, it appears Sunny is in trouble now, having lost his right hand to Compost Day's glowing blue sword, along with his gauntlet and battleaxe. The molemarian will function purely as a punching bag from now on.

He's very good at that.



Hmm, I think King may have made a tactical error there, shifting from a highly advantageous chokehold to a slightly less secure grip on Treeloved's lower left back teeth. Still, that does allow him to wrestle the elf to the ground. Treeloved stands right back up, but is knocked to the ground again by a charge from King.



There goes Sunny's leg.

So it does. He's taking a pounding from Compost Day, who follows up with a deep slash to the heart. Sunny might not feel any pain, but he's not long for this world, alas.

King's wrestling is being rather ineffectual meanwhile, but he does manage to bruise Treeloved's spleen with a solid punch.

It's a good word, spleen. Words that force you to smile as you say them are the funniest. Sheep. Spleen. Cheese.

Cleese.

That bastard. No wonder he's everyone's favourite.



The first hint of a break for The Wild Animals now: Treeloved gets a good stab in on King's hand but then has his ribs broken by a flanking spear thrust from One-Eyed Willie. First useful action we've seen from the trouser snake.

Also, I think Sunny just got stabbed in the pancreas. This is quite the anatomy lesson.

I'd nearly forgotten about Onan, but the human has been manoeuvring and now swings his warhammer accurately, forcing One-Eyed Willie to drop his shield.



One more hit to the foot from Compost Day and Sunny has bled to death. Didn't see that one coming.

Poor chap never did get to visit the sun.

Well, this is going rather badly for the Wild Animals so far, but there's still a chance to pull it back if One-Eyed Willie can get another good hit in. He might have the opportunity as Treeloved is still struggling to get through King's armour. He appears to be ignoring the adamantine spear stuck between his ribs, which Willie is desperately trying to dislodge.



It's King's turn to take a beating now, mostly on his arms, which is probably sensible as they're his most dangerous asset. Onan breaks bones and Compost Day gets a good hit in that opens an artery and severs quite a few nerves, by the looks of it.

This whole thing seems a terrible waste of blood. We should report them to the Department of Health.



Whoops. The tigerman takes a solid slash from Compost Day there.

'Tis but a scratch.

A scratch? His arm's off!

No it isn't.

Well what's that then?



Before we end up re-enacting the entirety of that scene, I should confirm that yes, King has now lost an arm and things are looking extremely grim for the Wild Animals. Both King and Willie are armoured in adamantine and it's protected them innumerable times, but attacks are still getting through and they don't seem capable of retaliating. In desperation, One-Eyed Willie charges at Treeloved, who stands his ground as the trouser snake simply bounces off him.

Compost Day has now chopped off King's left arm. Definitely getting a sense of déja vu here.

Just a flesh wound.

Shut up or we'll be here all night. Look - Onan just bashed One-Eyed Willie in the forked tongue with his warhammer and the injured part exploded into gore.

Well I've certainly never seen that before. You live and learn.

Not to be outdone, Treeloved punches King in the tongue with pretty much identical results.

I'm really not sure what purpose this all serves.

Compost Day is the only one who appears to be focused on actually getting the fight over with. He stabs One-Eyed Willie in the hand, opening an artery and forcing the trouser snake to drop his spear and collapse in agony! The elf then turns his attention to King and kicks him in the eye, which promptly explodes.

...

Everyone is piling on King at this point, but the only attacks getting through the adamantine mail are Onan's warhammer strikes. Up until Treeloved decides to pulp the tigerman's ear with a punch, anyway.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm not sure I see the comedy here.

It's all about the black humour.

Onan bashes King in the mouth, which loosens his teeth sufficiently for Treeloved to reach in and rip out every single one.



I've just had a great idea for a dentistry sketch.

A great deal more violence takes place before King finally, mercifully passes out from exhaustion. A multitude of spear thrusts and hammer strikes bounce off his adamantine helm before he is finally struck down. Onan gets the killing blow.



Fortunately, we're spared a similarly sadistic display on One-Eyed Willie, as Treeloved turns to him and calmly stabs him through the head with his spear to end the fight. And now, gentlemen, if you don't mind, I'm going to go and rock myself gently in a corner somewhere.

Don't worry, he does that after most of our sketches.

Meat and Two Veg 3, The Wild Animals 0
Kills - Compost Day 1, Onan 1, Treeloved 1.

Combat Log

Maugrim fucked around with this message at 01:00 on Sep 4, 2014

Spermy Smurf
Jul 2, 2004
Bravo. Fantastic writeup. You made me look like an illiterate retard.

Made me laugh, nice way to end the tournament.

Edit: holy poo poo king lasted a long time after sunny died. Reading the combat log it's like 3/4 king taking a beating with the snake man just sort of chilling out next to him.

Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 00:39 on Sep 4, 2014

King Cohort
Mar 14, 2010

God, I can't believe how many attacks Willie missed that could have changed the fight around, especially compared to the massacres of his previous outings. Whiff after whiff after whiff! What exactly is the in-game cause of an attack simply "missing" rather than being dodged away from or blocked or parried?

Not to mention giving up the drat chokehold... :cripes:

Willie's inability to aim and eventually loss of his spear combined with Sunny losing his axe arm nearly instantly was a fatal blow for us. I thought at first that Compost Day's 14 levels in Sword were excessive, but it seems I was wrong. Well done, Meat and Two Veg. At least we were suitable final boss material for the tree-huggers!

King Cohort fucked around with this message at 01:10 on Sep 4, 2014

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker
Okay, who wants to rum a snakeman named Monty in the next test?

unwantedplatypus
Sep 6, 2012
A brilliant write up and appropriate for the final match.


Whip It Out May not have made it past the quarterfinals but at least I have my Monopoly money.

Maugrim
Feb 16, 2011

I eat your face
That's a lot of monopoly money. Congrats on winning the betting.

Pretty happy with my third place in the betting given that my own fighter was possibly the worst performer on the worst performing team in the tournament.

Ablative
Nov 9, 2012

Someone is getting this as an avatar. I don't know who, but it's gonna happen.
Dammit Maugrim, didn't your mother ever tell you to not make every other organiser feel entirely incompetent?


But seriously, that was loving great, and one hell of a match to boot. Congratulations to our champions, and well fought to all of you!

Maugrim
Feb 16, 2011

I eat your face
Thank you all for the nice words. Please don't feel discouraged, my Grand Final effortpost took about 5 hours and I'm definitely not planning to do something like it every time. The pace of this tournament has been great and every match has been fun to read.

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous
Well, at least the Platinum Helms enjoy the privilege of having utterly humiliated the tournament champions. :smug:





:(

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atomicthumbs
Dec 26, 2010


We're in the business of extending man's senses.
quick start the next one I have an idea for a yeti :unsmigghh:

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