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OssiansFolly
Aug 3, 2012

Suffering at the factory of sadness every year.

Squack McQuack posted:

Interesting idea. I'm willing to invest all the time and effort in the world. Money however...


Sorry to hear that. Which vendor did you purchase from?

Hopefully bashing doesn't get me in trouble, but it was Kay Jewelers (Sterling Jewelers). I went with them for a couple reasons...they had what my fiance wanted (black diamond), they offered me a credit line (which reports to credit agencies to help me rebuild my credit [and it did]), and the local store made it sound like I had all kinds of coverage on the warranty (which isn't true at all...their language will get you).

Luckily my agency I work for insures like 50 jewelers, so fixing the ring wasn't that bad. I just won't be using Sterling Jewelers for anything.

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FogHelmut
Dec 18, 2003

AbandonShip posted:

My fiancee and I are in the same boat. Just engaged in August, I want to get married next year, but since we are in NJ (also not cheap) and want to keep it under $20k we are pushing it out until fall 2016 so we can put money down as we go. But I feel like a long engagement will be nice for other reasons too. I have more than enough time to plan but not go too nuts (though I'm sure I still will!)

I googled "NJ wedding venues under $100" or some such, and found a few forums that had a LOT of nice venues and suggestions that we are going to check out. I'm also fairly crafty and will be DIY'ing a lot of the wedding, which will save some money. So do a ton of research, and if you don't mind traveling a bit (a few of my choice venues are about an hour or so away in PA, but are much cheaper) that's an option too.

Where in NJ? We got Bellview Winery (super far south Jersey) for something around $1000 for the venue. We have to provide everything ourselves, but they've been really nice and helpful, especially for people who are simply providing a piece of land. I'm ballparking here, but rentals and catering are somewhere around $4k each for around 100 guests. Also we are providing alcohol, bartender, DJ, photographer, hotel shuttle. It can be tough getting it all together, but most of the people we are working with are really professional and have a lot of experience. Only the one vendor is a complete shithead and is bad at communicating and we are basically fighting him to let us pay him for his services.

LogisticEarth
Mar 28, 2004

Someone once told me, "Time is a flat circle".
If you're in northwestern/central Jersey, I can suggest an amazing venue on the PA side of the river near Frenchtown that really worked with us. It's a B&B/restaurant and (at least when we booked it), they didn't charge for the venue reservation, just treated it as a private party at the restaurant.

AbandonShip
Dec 25, 2007

FogHelmut posted:

Where in NJ? We got Bellview Winery (super far south Jersey) for something around $1000 for the venue. We have to provide everything ourselves, but they've been really nice and helpful, especially for people who are simply providing a piece of land. I'm ballparking here, but rentals and catering are somewhere around $4k each for around 100 guests. Also we are providing alcohol, bartender, DJ, photographer, hotel shuttle. It can be tough getting it all together, but most of the people we are working with are really professional and have a lot of experience. Only the one vendor is a complete shithead and is bad at communicating and we are basically fighting him to let us pay him for his services.

I'm in Central NJ, so in an area that's a bit expensive but it's not a stretch to go an hour or so away to get somewhere beautiful/cheaper. The renting is awesome and something we have definitely considered. I'm only leaning more towards a one-stop-shop venue because like you said - coordinating it all will probably be a bit tough. Some places I've looked at will include a day-of wedding coordinator, cake, decorations, some even flowers - i'm sure it's all extra somewhere, but I don't mind it for the peace of mind. I guess overall we are looking to spend around $10k or so on venue/food/rentals and the rest on DJ, photos, rings, etc. I considered renting a house for a weekend, and the winery is a great idea. I'm a big fan of unique/rustic venues that you won't need to decorate much.

quote:

If you're in northwestern/central Jersey, I can suggest an amazing venue on the PA side of the river near Frenchtown that really worked with us. It's a B&B/restaurant and (at least when we booked it), they didn't charge for the venue reservation, just treated it as a private party at the restaurant.

Yeah, absolutely! So far on my to-visit list is Peddler's Village in PA, Stroudsmoor in PA, Brownstone in Paterson NJ, and the Bethwood in Totowa.

I can't wait to pick a date so we can get going on the rest of the planning! The only bummer is my fiancee is off on weekends and i'm off during weekdays, so it'll be tough to get days off to go together - but i'm assuming booking a time with a venue will be much better during the week.

Shbobdb
Dec 16, 2010

by Reene
I did the black tux for my wedding and I'd highly recommend them. Better quality, better fit and better price than other big box competitors. Super perfect for a wedding involving people from all over with normal incomes. Great stuff. Just know you might have to get another suit sent to ensure best fit. Also, if you don't plan on wearing your jacket all night and you aren't in good shape, or have an unusual body type consider getting your own tailored shirt.

LogisticEarth
Mar 28, 2004

Someone once told me, "Time is a flat circle".

AbandonShip posted:

Yeah, absolutely! So far on my to-visit list is Peddler's Village in PA, Stroudsmoor in PA, Brownstone in Paterson NJ, and the Bethwood in Totowa.

I can't wait to pick a date so we can get going on the rest of the planning! The only bummer is my fiancee is off on weekends and i'm off during weekdays, so it'll be tough to get days off to go together - but i'm assuming booking a time with a venue will be much better during the week.

We had our wedding at The Golden Pheasant, here's their website:

http://www.goldenpheasant.com/

They're not a traditional wedding hall, so you don't get the big giant space with the bridal party table, but they really worked with us and provided way better service and food for the price compared to a place that really markets to weddings. They list a max of 100 people, but that's for placed seating. We had about 115 people, and did a semi-formal buffet/cocktail atmosphere and it worked out very well. We also didn't have to worry about bullshit regarding fees for chair covers, table clothes, etc. since the place was already decorated. There are a few decent places for ceremonies close by as well, and you can do it on site although the location isn't ideal.

Not sure about their current prices, but if I recall correctly I think we ended up with about $70-75/head for hors d'oeuvres, dinner, wine service and champagne, and about 6-7 hours of open bar (we went with the "per drink" price option, usually much cheaper than a flat rate). And by open bar I don't mean sketchy guys in club jackets that look at you cross-eyed if you ask for anything more complicated than a rum and coke, but an actual, skilled bartender and top quality spirits. They renovated the place in 2012, and we started looking at them before they had re-opened, so I'm not sure if we got good pricing on the food because they were looking to get business, but the actual wedding was a year after that (September 2013), and we paid the prices off their party menu, so I think that's it. Once you strip off all the fees that a dedicated "wedding venue" tacks on, you can get a great value. For a place like this, they look at it as having a guaranteed full house for one night, which is good business anyway.

LogisticEarth fucked around with this message at 15:17 on Sep 12, 2014

Bread Set Jettison
Jan 8, 2009

Shbobdb posted:

I did the black tux for my wedding and I'd highly recommend them. Better quality, better fit and better price than other big box competitors. Super perfect for a wedding involving people from all over with normal incomes. Great stuff. Just know you might have to get another suit sent to ensure best fit. Also, if you don't plan on wearing your jacket all night and you aren't in good shape, or have an unusual body type consider getting your own tailored shirt.

Yeah they seem pretty legitimate. My only concern now has nothing to do with them, is more to do with my brother not inexplicably losing his suit or not ordering it in time or something equally stupid.

Also I emailed them with the fact I was concerned about seeing the quality and how it looks on me and they do a non-advertised 40$ suit-only trial.

So if anyone else is concerned, you can probably get them to do that for you. Now I just need to figure out if I want to do a light grey or charcoal suit, or go with a tux. Its a rustic wedding so light grey was recommended and plus we don't want to do super duper formal. Still, I kind of want to wear a darker suit/tux with a bowtie for whatever reason.

Bread Set Jettison fucked around with this message at 13:34 on Sep 12, 2014

Problem!
Jan 1, 2007

I am the queen of France.
If you're worried about your brother doing something dumb, casually mention it to your parents and if they act like typical parents around wedding time they'll make sure he gets it ordered. If my MIL hadn't taken responsibility for making sure my brother in law got his tux ordered on time I don't think he would've done it. She even had it delivered to her house so there was no risk of him losing/forgetting it.

Bread Set Jettison
Jan 8, 2009

Yeah, I think my sister and her husband (who are both in the wedding) will be able to make sure he gets it. Still worried but Im sure it will be fine. Everyone else will get it.

E: Also another thing I was thinking about doing is buying everyone the bowties they're gonna wear as part of their groomsmen gift. Tacky or no?

Bread Set Jettison fucked around with this message at 14:20 on Sep 12, 2014

OssiansFolly
Aug 3, 2012

Suffering at the factory of sadness every year.

Bread Set Jettison posted:

Yeah, I think my sister and her husband (who are both in the wedding) will be able to make sure he gets it. Still worried but Im sure it will be fine. Everyone else will get it.

E: Also another thing I was thinking about doing is buying everyone the bowties they're gonna wear as part of their groomsmen gift. Tacky or no?

I wouldn't say "tacky", but how likely are they to ever use them again? Or do you mean put them in a nice mountable shadow box with your names and a date?

Bread Set Jettison
Jan 8, 2009

I have no idea! It was just a thought so I could have a better matching bowtie than just a random rental. It wouldn't do it if I do go with tuxes, because the bow ties would probably be solid black. If I go with suits I'd want to match whatever purple the bridesmaids are doing and buying the bowties would make matching a bit easier.

Also it wouldn't be the only groomsman gift.

Shbobdb
Dec 16, 2010

by Reene

OssiansFolly posted:

I wouldn't say "tacky", but how likely are they to ever use them again? Or do you mean put them in a nice mountable shadow box with your names and a date?

That is why I used a regular tie. That way everybody got a nice silk tie they can wear for other occasions.

Max
Nov 30, 2002

I never checked in here, but I got engaged this past July. Our wedding is set for June, and I'm starting in on figuring out logistics for my side of things.

On the topic of suits: I have two women in my party. One refused to wear a suit the moment I asked her to be in the party, so we'll just find a dress that matches. The other really wants to wear a suit, and I'm having a hell of a time finding a place to (hopefully) rent a suit. Specifically light grey, I've already found plenty of black ones. Does anyone have any experience with this?

Problem!
Jan 1, 2007

I am the queen of France.
If you haven't ordered them yet, I'd have her go pick out a women's suit she likes in the color you want at a regular store like The Limited or a department store, then pick out suits for the guys that match the suit she got. Trying to do it the other way around will be a long and painful process.

JohnnyRnR
May 16, 2004
Beer Ninja

Squack McQuack posted:

I'm looking around for an engagement ring - a square cushion cut diamond with a platinum halo band.

The hidden fees you're describing sound like the normal costs to modify the ring to take a different shaped diamond. The jeweler will normally need to add a different shaped head. Each diamond shape uses a different head to make sure the diamond is held securely. I charge in the $250 range for that modification as well. It's a pretty standard charge to cover the labor and parts involved.

Henri Daussi is a branded line so their products will be a bit more expensive than comparable goods. But they are very nice cushions. Because they're lower depth they will have a larger surface area than another types of cushion diamond of the same carat weight. Older cushions were cut very deep so their surface area was pretty small.

Sharks Below
May 23, 2011

ty hc <3
Yeah I don't think that the fees you described JamesAllen as having are unfair. That's where I got my engagement ring and I love it to bits and found them incredibly good to deal with (we chose / designed it together)!

Echeveria
Aug 26, 2014

I got married about a month ago. The total cost was somewhere in the ballpark of 14k.

We've been together 9 years, and got engaged last fall. I was insistent I wanted a square or radiant cut sapphire. He searched, and finally ended up at a local independent jeweler. He found a unique colored 1.8 carat radiant cut stone and had it set for me. Because it was a more bizarre color, it was 900 bucks, plus the setting and side stones, and my engagement ring cost 1500. My wedding band ended up having to be custom made to fit around the stone. It ran 800 bucks. His is tungsten and was 200 dollars.

I hunted and hunted for a place that was ideal for our wedding. We did not want a church wedding, which meant we could have the ceremony and dinner in one location. I started looking for the venue right away so that I could have my first pick. I ended up picking a golf course with very lovely gardens. We go married in the gardens, then moved inside for dinner. The staff cleared away the ceremony decor and put out patio tables for guests to lounge at.

My dress was a lace gown I got at a bridal expo. I have no idea what brand it was, but the original price tag was $2500 and I paid $800. It was a simple a-line lace gown with a bit of a train. I ended up having to shorten it, and because it was all one piece of lace, I paid $500 for that and the bustle. Yikes!

Dinner cost a fortune, but thankfully it was really delicious and they catered to the multiple food allergies we had at no extra cost. It was a 3 course plated meal, with the option of chicken, fish or veg. I'm allergic to dairy, and various members of my family are also dairy free. I had a few celiacs and crohns guests, and a severe peanut allergy. The three course meal, including tax and gratuity, worked out to about 60 bucks a person (100 guests). This was on the higher end of average, locally, but the meal is (to me) a very important part of the wedding. Why bother feeding people if you're going to feed them garbage?

A cousin of mine made our cupcakes (dairy free) as a wedding gift, and they were loving amazing. Mocha and Coconut cupcakes. We had a candy bar instead of favors, and we had miniature Chinese take out boxes so people could take some home.

I hunted for a florist who was independent and could give me what I wanted. I actually didn't have to hunt far, her shop is right near my work and close to a friend's house. I was quoted around 1500-2000 dollars from a few chain stores for what I wanted. I think I ended up paying her about 800 for my bouquet, 5 bridesmaid bouquets, the bouts and the corsages for groomsmen, parents, grandparents, and bulk succulents and 100 bulk purple carnations to use as centerpieces.

Plus booze and various decorations, paperwork blah blah.

In the end we had a 5 minute ceremony, an hour long cocktail hour so we could grab some family portraits (we did the rest of our photos beforehand), then dinner interspersed with speeches, and the dance. No first dance, no father-daughter dance, no bullshit. It went very smoothly and then I proceeded to gorge on candy and booze.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND doing your photos before the ceremony. That way your guests aren't left idle for 4 or 5 hours between the ceremony and dinner. No one likes that. We still managed to do a reveal for the photos, and his face still lit up when I walked down the aisle. It also kills the ceremony nerves, I think. To see each other and talk before the ceremony.

VivaNova
Sep 12, 2009

The most epic adventure ever undertaken
Question:
Going to a formal November Sat. night wedding- afternoon church service, 2 hour break, cocktails/reception. Should I change outfits between the two events??

VivaNova
Sep 12, 2009

The most epic adventure ever undertaken

AbandonShip posted:

I'm in Central NJ, so in an area that's a bit expensive but it's not a stretch to go an hour or so away to get somewhere beautiful/cheaper. The renting is awesome and something we have definitely considered. I'm only leaning more towards a one-stop-shop venue because like you said - coordinating it all will probably be a bit tough. Some places I've looked at will include a day-of wedding coordinator, cake, decorations, some even flowers - i'm sure it's all extra somewhere, but I don't mind it for the peace of mind. I guess overall we are looking to spend around $10k or so on venue/food/rentals and the rest on DJ, photos, rings, etc. I considered renting a house for a weekend, and the winery is a great idea. I'm a big fan of unique/rustic venues that you won't need to decorate much.


Yeah, absolutely! So far on my to-visit list is Peddler's Village in PA, Stroudsmoor in PA, Brownstone in Paterson NJ, and the Bethwood in Totowa.

I can't wait to pick a date so we can get going on the rest of the planning! The only bummer is my fiancee is off on weekends and i'm off during weekdays, so it'll be tough to get days off to go together - but i'm assuming booking a time with a venue will be much better during the week.

Hi NJ goonbride w/o PMs!

I went to an open house recently here: http://foursisterswinery.com/private-events-weddings/
They seemed like they recently decided to get into the private affair biz and were very interested in getting the word out. Something to look into?

I got married at http://www.mountainlakesclub.com/ - $100pp, inclusive, May. Very happy with it!!

My cousin is having his at http://www.centrebridgeinn.com/, same price, November.

Yeah, this area can kinda suck if you are on a budget, but there's deals to be had on vendors! Good Luck~~

AbandonShip
Dec 25, 2007

VivaNova posted:

Hi NJ goonbride w/o PMs!

I went to an open house recently here: http://foursisterswinery.com/private-events-weddings/
They seemed like they recently decided to get into the private affair biz and were very interested in getting the word out. Something to look into?

I got married at http://www.mountainlakesclub.com/ - $100pp, inclusive, May. Very happy with it!!

My cousin is having his at http://www.centrebridgeinn.com/, same price, November.

Yeah, this area can kinda suck if you are on a budget, but there's deals to be had on vendors! Good Luck~~
Woohoo! Thanks a ton! Will look into these for sure!

couldcareless
Feb 8, 2009

Spheal used Swagger!
2 months left, woohoo!

Now venting time. My parents and the future inlaws came to an agreement ages ago (it's been a 2 year engagement) that going over the allotted invite allowance, you would pay for your heads. Well, my parents opted to send out to 13 more people past their limit. I tell my dad that the future inlaws need the payment for 13x cost of head soon because they need to finalize the payment for the venue. He doesn't take this well as apparently 5 of the 13 additional guests were courtesy invites that they don't expect to show. I try to explain that is beside the point, the people have invites and can show whether you expect them to or not and we had agreed this is how we would do it to be as fair as possible. That's not flying.

I should have eloped.

OssiansFolly
Aug 3, 2012

Suffering at the factory of sadness every year.

Echeveria posted:

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND doing your photos before the ceremony. That way your guests aren't left idle for 4 or 5 hours between the ceremony and dinner. No one likes that. We still managed to do a reveal for the photos, and his face still lit up when I walked down the aisle. It also kills the ceremony nerves, I think. To see each other and talk before the ceremony.

That would be great if all the ceremony venues did have times requiring you be done by 3pm at the latest, and reception venues opening up at 6pm at the earliest...

There's no way around it, so the time in between is a good time for people to go check into the hotel and start pre-gaming...


couldcareless posted:

2 months left, woohoo!

Now venting time. My parents and the future inlaws came to an agreement ages ago (it's been a 2 year engagement) that going over the allotted invite allowance, you would pay for your heads. Well, my parents opted to send out to 13 more people past their limit. I tell my dad that the future inlaws need the payment for 13x cost of head soon because they need to finalize the payment for the venue. He doesn't take this well as apparently 5 of the 13 additional guests were courtesy invites that they don't expect to show. I try to explain that is beside the point, the people have invites and can show whether you expect them to or not and we had agreed this is how we would do it to be as fair as possible. That's not flying.

I should have eloped.

We did something similar except we are paying for all of the wedding, so we told parents that we don't mind if they have people they'd like to be present as a courtesy but they would have to pay for them. So far the number is minimal and my fiance and I are hoping that even with those invites we will be under our 150 estimate. You will have to let us know if those people actually show up or not ;)

Problem!
Jan 1, 2007

I am the queen of France.
What crazy photoshoots are you doing that take 4-5 hours? Pictures take 60-90 minutes tops, and that's what the cocktail hour is for.

couldcareless
Feb 8, 2009

Spheal used Swagger!

OssiansFolly posted:




We did something similar except we are paying for all of the wedding, so we told parents that we don't mind if they have people they'd like to be present as a courtesy but they would have to pay for them. So far the number is minimal and my fiance and I are hoping that even with those invites we will be under our 150 estimate. You will have to let us know if those people actually show up or not ;)

I tried my hardest to explain to him that whether you intend for them to show up doesn't matter. His problem is that he thinks he is paying for the other half of the wedding's invites if some of his don't show.
I don't even know what to do at this point. I never fight with my parents so it's causing a lot of unwanted stress.

Jamais Vu Again
Sep 16, 2012

zebras can have spots too

Aquatic Giraffe posted:

What crazy photoshoots are you doing that take 4-5 hours? Pictures take 60-90 minutes tops, and that's what the cocktail hour is for.

I want to drink at my cocktail hour. But we're planning to do photos before - we have the site starting at 2pm, ceremony is at 4pm, and then having a strolling reception. Our site is an old home-cum-art museum, so I want it to feel like a house party with fancy dresses.

I also like a more photojournalist style, so I'd rather the bulk of the photography time to be spent not posing.

Bread Set Jettison
Jan 8, 2009

Yeah we're also planning on doing our photos before. When my fiance told me about the "first look" idea I initially hated it because I thought it ruined the surprise. The more I thought about it, the more I came around to the idea because it's pretty practical and still a great moment. Plus, it'll kill a lot of nerves before the big ceremony!

Sharks Below
May 23, 2011

ty hc <3

Bread Set Jettison posted:

Yeah we're also planning on doing our photos before. When my fiance told me about the "first look" idea I initially hated it because I thought it ruined the surprise. The more I thought about it, the more I came around to the idea because it's pretty practical and still a great moment. Plus, it'll kill a lot of nerves before the big ceremony!

I had the same thought process. "NO!.... wait" now I am super excited for it and so is he :)

AbandonShip
Dec 25, 2007

Sharks Below posted:

I had the same thought process. "NO!.... wait" now I am super excited for it and so is he :)

Third! Pretty much up until a week ago when I asked him which way he wanted to do it I was totally against it. He on the other hand was totally against not being at cocktail hour, and the more I think about it the more I agree with him. Some extra time to mingle is indeed a good idea.

Robot Mil
Apr 13, 2011

Is it weird/a thing/not a thing to be around before the ceremony to greet and mingle with guests?

We're having a late afternoon wedding (4pm) and I like the idea of serving canapes and cocktails before the ceremony as guests arrive but would actually like to enjoy these myself! The wedding will be small and in a vineyard, and we'll likely be staying on site the night before so we will already be there anyway. It's not like I have to make some grand formal entrance into a church or anything and I'm not bothered about not being seen by the groom before the ceremony. However, I'm wondering whether it would be really weird and awkward to be hanging around in my fancy dress and stuff chatting to people and then go into the ceremony from there.

Echeveria
Aug 26, 2014

Robot Mil posted:

Is it weird/a thing/not a thing to be around before the ceremony to greet and mingle with guests?

Meh. If that is what you want. I would personally like that idea if I were a guest. If you wanted, you could be all done up but be wearing a different dress, then change into your dress for the ceremony and dinner. It would be a simple matter of running upstairs to change while guests took their seats. I thought I had plenty of time to get myself hidden before the ceremony, but almost all my guests came early. People like to chat before the ceremony. They want to tell you how nice you look and ask if you're nervous.

C-Euro
Mar 20, 2010

:science:
Soiled Meat
It's cool if I'm freaking out more and more as I approach my target proposal date/window, right? The setting I want for the ring is at the jeweler, and I just got a call that the stone is here too. I just have no idea how I'm going to do it. I'm also off my game because her mom said last night that if we get engaged, she wants us to do a traditional engagement ceremony this December in her home country of Thailand, which means a lot of the money I've been saving for the ring has to be re-routed into that plane ticket (got approved for a credit card with the jeweler, at least). Someone talk through what I'm feeling right now, I still want to do this but it just got a lot more real in the last 24 hours and it's a bit of a shock to the system.

OssiansFolly
Aug 3, 2012

Suffering at the factory of sadness every year.

C-Euro posted:

It's cool if I'm freaking out more and more as I approach my target proposal date/window, right? The setting I want for the ring is at the jeweler, and I just got a call that the stone is here too. I just have no idea how I'm going to do it. I'm also off my game because her mom said last night that if we get engaged, she wants us to do a traditional engagement ceremony this December in her home country of Thailand, which means a lot of the money I've been saving for the ring has to be re-routed into that plane ticket (got approved for a credit card with the jeweler, at least). Someone talk through what I'm feeling right now, I still want to do this but it just got a lot more real in the last 24 hours and it's a bit of a shock to the system.

I know you like to appease parents but this is YOUR day and YOUR life. Do what makes you happy. This is going to be one of only a few things you get full control of as the one doing the act of proposing.

When I proposed I actually bought a candy machine and custom printed M&Ms that had rings on them, said I *heart* U and Will you marry me? on all of them.

Do what makes you happy, and if the parents are angry you didn't propose how THEY want they are missing what is really important here.

19 o'clock
Sep 9, 2004

Excelsior!!!

C-Euro posted:

It's cool if I'm freaking out more and more as I approach my target proposal date/window, right?

I think it would be strange if you weren't freaking out more and more. It means you care :).

Regarding the other stuff I say don't worry about it right now. The important part is asking your girlfriend if she will marry you.

You'll be fine.

LogisticEarth
Mar 28, 2004

Someone once told me, "Time is a flat circle".

C-Euro posted:

(got approved for a credit card with the jeweler, at least). Someone talk through what I'm feeling right now, I still want to do this but it just got a lot more real in the last 24 hours and it's a bit of a shock to the system.

Uhhhh...that's kind of a financial red flag that you're getting a credit card via the jeweler. I have no idea what your situation is like but don't let all the shock of going through the process cloud your judgement. There is a LOT of pressure to forget about costs and "just make everything perfect". You don't want to start off your marriage dealing with a lot of financial baggage and regret.

Problem!
Jan 1, 2007

I am the queen of France.
IMO if she wants you to fly to Thailand she can foot the bill or at least help out somewhat financially.

Never plunge yourself into debt for your wedding. If it means having a longer engagement to save up and spread out the cost more, then do that. Once ours got over budget suddenly everything including guests turned into dollar signs and it definitely put a damper on things.

C-Euro
Mar 20, 2010

:science:
Soiled Meat
Sorry, I was unclear about that- I'm proposing to her here, but then her parents also want us to do an engagement ceremony there too. Her parents both have 7+ siblings and she would be the first of her familial generation to get married, so it's a big deal. I wouldn't be paying for that ceremony other than the airfare to go.

My girlfriend also agreed right off the bat to pay for half my ticket, and as far as the ring goes I have more than half of the cost of my target already saved up. The card is mostly there to cover the last few hundred I don't have, and if I keep being good with my money it should only take me a couple payments to close that one out. It's just that right now I don't know if I could comfortably afford both the ring and a plane ticket so close to each other. This is also the one time a year she can fly home, so it's either now or next year. Maybe once the ring is on her finger I can talk her into staying and doing it next year, or tell her parents "you want proof of financial security? BOOYAH" and they'll cover another part of my ticket. They like me and at this point really want grandkids so it's worth a shot? :v:

I don't know. I have to think about, and I get anxious if I have to spend more than $100 on a given purchase so that doesn't help, and I may be better off than my nervousness makes me feel. And I can't tell her why I'm anxious about buying a plane ticket now because while she suspects I'm proposing sometime this year, I don't think she knows I'm days away from doing it.

C-Euro fucked around with this message at 18:46 on Sep 18, 2014

BRAKE FOR MOOSE
Jun 6, 2001

C-Euro posted:

and if I keep being good with my money

You mean if you start?

JohnnyRnR
May 16, 2004
Beer Ninja

C-Euro posted:

The card is mostly there to cover the last few hundred I don't have, and if I keep being good with my money it should only take me a couple payments to close that one out. It's just that right now I don't know if I could comfortably afford both the ring and a plane ticket so close to each other.

If your in-laws want an engagement ceremony with family then let them pay for it. This is a great time to learn how to say "No" to your in-laws. You'll be doing it a lot over the next 30 years so you might as well start now.

Sounds like you're just using a little bit of credit to smooth the ring purchase out. That's a fine way to do it so long as you don't wind up paying on it forever. Never go too deep, and just buy the ring you can afford.

OssiansFolly
Aug 3, 2012

Suffering at the factory of sadness every year.

C-Euro posted:

Sorry, I was unclear about that- I'm proposing to her here, but then her parents also want us to do an engagement ceremony there too. Her parents both have 7+ siblings and she would be the first of her familial generation to get married, so it's a big deal. I wouldn't be paying for that ceremony other than the airfare to go.

My girlfriend also agreed right off the bat to pay for half my ticket, and as far as the ring goes I have more than half of the cost of my target already saved up. The card is mostly there to cover the last few hundred I don't have, and if I keep being good with my money it should only take me a couple payments to close that one out. It's just that right now I don't know if I could comfortably afford both the ring and a plane ticket so close to each other. This is also the one time a year she can fly home, so it's either now or next year. Maybe once the ring is on her finger I can talk her into staying and doing it next year, or tell her parents "you want proof of financial security? BOOYAH" and they'll cover another part of my ticket. They like me and at this point really want grandkids so it's worth a shot? :v:

I don't know. I have to think about, and I get anxious if I have to spend more than $100 on a given purchase so that doesn't help, and I may be better off than my nervousness makes me feel. And I can't tell her why I'm anxious about buying a plane ticket now because while she suspects I'm proposing sometime this year, I don't think she knows I'm days away from doing it.

So your FIANCE is going to use YOUR money to pay for half of the ticket? Once you are engaged begin thinking that ALL money is COMMUNAL money. There is no my money or her money...there is only OUR money. It will teach you to think twice about buying things just for yourself and help with the saving. Decisions involving purchases and spending should be discussed as you move forward with planning a wedding and your life together.


JohnnyRnR posted:

If your in-laws want an engagement ceremony with family then let them pay for it. This is a great time to learn how to say "No" to your in-laws. You'll be doing it a lot over the next 30 years so you might as well start now.

Sounds like you're just using a little bit of credit to smooth the ring purchase out. That's a fine way to do it so long as you don't wind up paying on it forever. Never go too deep, and just buy the ring you can afford.

I have to agree with this sentiment. If the in-laws want something special that is using your money you will use for a wedding ceremony and reception you need to tell them it isn't in the budget and they need to make the step to either pay for the trip or put money towards the wedding celebration to make up what you are losing for paying for the trip.

As for credit on the ring...if you are going to use ANY credit on the ring make sure the percentage is REALLY low AND make sure if it is a proprietary card that the company reports to credit agencies. If you are using credit there is no point in doing so if it doesn't help build up your credit (sole reason I put my whole engagement ring purchase on a card).

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LogisticEarth
Mar 28, 2004

Someone once told me, "Time is a flat circle".

JohnnyRnR posted:

Sounds like you're just using a little bit of credit to smooth the ring purchase out. That's a fine way to do it so long as you don't wind up paying on it forever. Never go too deep, and just buy the ring you can afford.

Eh.... this is ok as long as 1.) He already has an OK emergency fund going and 2.) he uses some regular credit card and one not specific to the jeweler. Unless they're giving him some big discount or amazing rate for signing up for their card, what reason is there to use a card through the jeweler itself, rather than just a generic credit card with reward points or something? More importantly, why doesn't he already have a credit card with enough available credit to float the purchase? That's the red flag.

I mean, we're straying into BFC territory here but one of the things that is really important in wedding and engagement planning is managing the finances of the whole undertaking.

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