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ExtrudeAlongCurve
Oct 21, 2010

Lambert is my Homeboy

Funhilde posted:

Congrats Ishamael!


I'm finding the 2nd trimester to be a bit of a challenge mostly due to being impatient. I want to start knowing for sure that I'm feeling her move and not just having weird gas bubbles or something. I'm almost to 20 weeks so I know it should start happening soon. We also go in for our next ultrasound in a week and I have been finding the week before an appointment to be the most stressful times for me. I just want everything to be tip-top. Has anyone else had this experience?

Yup, just went through this (23 weeks right now). I was told I had an anterior placenta at my 12 week ultrasound which meant I would start feeling the baby later than most (maybe as late at 24 weeks). Didn't stop me from panicking hugely at around 21 weeks though since it was going to be another week before the next checkup and I was just so afraid that something had gone wrong and I would have no idea.

Luckily it was right when I literally couldn't sleep because I was getting so worked up that I felt him kick for the first time. :3: Now I get the daily reassurances of "ow, he kicked somewhere uncomfortable" and that's been really nice but I was a huge mess around 20-21 weeks because I'm barely showing and I couldn't feel him yet.

If you do start panicking so much that it's affecting you a lot, I would definitely call the OBGYN/midwife office. Mine told me at my 22 week appointment that they are more than happy to reassure me or even let me come in early if I am really freaking out that bad.

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Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009

Totally 100 % normal even for expecting couples with no health concerns, so you're actually allowed extra wigging :v:

But seriously, congratulations, crossing my fingers that everything goes well for you guys.

Funhilde
Jun 1, 2011

Cats Love Me.

ExtrudeAlongCurve posted:

Yup, just went through this (23 weeks right now). I was told I had an anterior placenta at my 12 week ultrasound which meant I would start feeling the baby later than most (maybe as late at 24 weeks). Didn't stop me from panicking hugely at around 21 weeks though since it was going to be another week before the next checkup and I was just so afraid that something had gone wrong and I would have no idea.

Luckily it was right when I literally couldn't sleep because I was getting so worked up that I felt him kick for the first time. :3: Now I get the daily reassurances of "ow, he kicked somewhere uncomfortable" and that's been really nice but I was a huge mess around 20-21 weeks because I'm barely showing and I couldn't feel him yet.

If you do start panicking so much that it's affecting you a lot, I would definitely call the OBGYN/midwife office. Mine told me at my 22 week appointment that they are more than happy to reassure me or even let me come in early if I am really freaking out that bad.

I think I have felt her so that is a bit of a relief. I just don't know For Sure. I definitely look pregnant now but I'm not quite big enough to fit into maternity jeans.

Ishamael
Feb 18, 2004

You don't have to love me, but you will respect me.
Thanks guys! It's nice to be able to talk about it, and I appreciate the well-wishes. We've got some time before the first ultrasound (we are only 5 weeks along), so there is plenty of time for existential crises between now and then.

cailleask
May 6, 2007





Useful diagnostic tool in the baby-or-gas question: lay down flat on your back and put something light and rigid on your belly (like the TV remote). If it moves in a way you can't account for with breathing, then it's baby!

Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009

cailleask posted:

Useful diagnostic tool in the baby-or-gas question: lay down flat on your back and put something light and rigid on your belly (like the TV remote). If it moves in a way you can't account for with breathing, then it's baby!

And later on you can reenact the vibrations-in-the-water-glass scene from Jurassic Park! :iia:

Funhilde
Jun 1, 2011

Cats Love Me.

cailleask posted:

Useful diagnostic tool in the baby-or-gas question: lay down flat on your back and put something light and rigid on your belly (like the TV remote). If it moves in a way you can't account for with breathing, then it's baby!

Alright I will try this !

Omg it totally worked. My husband saw it too- a great big push up. Thanks so much for that tip.

Funhilde fucked around with this message at 06:14 on Oct 17, 2014

cailleask
May 6, 2007





Funhilde posted:

Alright I will try this !

Omg it totally worked. My husband saw it too- a great big push up. Thanks so much for that tip.

Ahaha awesome! That was the only way I could prove to my husband that the baby was moving around, because until well into the third trimester she would stop what she was doing if he came anywhere near with a hand. It was actually pretty funny.

ExtrudeAlongCurve
Oct 21, 2010

Lambert is my Homeboy

cailleask posted:

Ahaha awesome! That was the only way I could prove to my husband that the baby was moving around, because until well into the third trimester she would stop what she was doing if he came anywhere near with a hand. It was actually pretty funny.

Mine did the same! Every time I go, "NOW! He's moving now!" and my husband puts his hand on my belly, it's like suddenly he just lost all interest in moving. Eventually he got to feel the moving but it took a lot of "Why do you hate daddy" before that. :)

kells
Mar 19, 2009

Sockmuppet posted:

And later on you can reenact the vibrations-in-the-water-glass scene from Jurassic Park! :iia:

http://youtu.be/vkxkDpawgrU

catamar
May 23, 2008
Hi, I'm pregnant. Things have been going really well, I'm 19 weeks and I've only barfed once! They forgot to draw blood for the trisomy tests when I went in for a 12 week ultrasound but my OB called yesterday and said it came back with a 1:5000 chance of chromosomal abnormality so I feel a lot better.

I found out that it's a boy last week and my husband is a little upset that I was disappointed we won't have a daughter. I've gotten used to it now and am very excited to have a son, but I think my husband hasn't forgiven me for my initial reaction. Will he probably get over this?

Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009

catamar posted:

Will he probably get over this?

He's a moron if he doesn't. Being disappointed when you find out the sex is completely normal - it doesn't mean that you don't love your baby, just that it's sad to be told that the little girl you've been imagining, doesn't excist. I was so sure I was having a girl, I'd dreamed about her (even years into the past, if I dreamt about having a child, it was always a girl), and I just had this unshakeable feeling of "girl!". If the ultrasound had revealed that I was having a boy, I'd have been devastated! Because it would have meant the loss of that girl child that I'd already started preparing for and thinking of names for and, well, loving. But then I'd have gotten used to the idea that my little girl turned out to be imaginary, and started preparing for and thinking of names for and loving my very real little boy :)

You should definitely talk to him, because right now he's resenting you for having a perfectly normal reaction, but it sounds like he just doesn't realise how normal it is. Maybe you can look up articles or stories or just talk to friends who have had babies.

And congratulations!

Pendragon
Jun 18, 2003

HE'S WATCHING YOU

Sockmuppet posted:

He's a moron if he doesn't.

Seconded. My wife wanted a girl. I wanted a girl. I had all these visions of raising a girl to be a scientist/tomboy. My wife had visions of raising a pretty princess. We had names picked out. We couldn't wait.

The powers that be laughed and gave us twin boys.

I basically mourned the loss of that girl that never would be for a week. My wife took even longer to get over it. However, you move on, and we now love our two little boys. I may not get that girl that will break glass ceilings with giant sledgehammers, but my boys are awesome and I wouldn't want to be without them.

My sister-in-law went through the same thing when she had boys for her two pregnancies. She still loves the little guys to death.

Basically tell your husband to shut up because you're still going to love your son.

Ishamael
Feb 18, 2004

You don't have to love me, but you will respect me.
So my wife has been looking into natural childbirth stuff recently, and I realized that I don't know a single person in real life who didn't have some kind of medication during labor. Does anyone here have experience with natural childbirth? Was it worth the extra pain? Would you recommend it to a first-time mom who has not historically dealt well with pain?

Thanks!

BonoMan
Feb 20, 2002

Jade Ear Joe

Ishamael posted:

So my wife has been looking into natural childbirth stuff recently, and I realized that I don't know a single person in real life who didn't have some kind of medication during labor. Does anyone here have experience with natural childbirth? Was it worth the extra pain? Would you recommend it to a first-time mom who has not historically dealt well with pain?

Thanks!

My wife, while not necessarily wanting "full natural childbirth" (at home with a midwife, etc) was hesitant about getting an epidural and definitely wanted to experience the pain. She isn't the best about dealing with pain historically either.

We ended up having to induce and strong contractions started almost immediately after breaking the waters. That lasted abouttttt an hour before "HOLY loving poo poo GIVE ME THE loving EPIDURAL!" kicked in. She was in some pretty intense pain.

skeetied
Mar 10, 2011

Ishamael posted:

So my wife has been looking into natural childbirth stuff recently, and I realized that I don't know a single person in real life who didn't have some kind of medication during labor. Does anyone here have experience with natural childbirth? Was it worth the extra pain? Would you recommend it to a first-time mom who has not historically dealt well with pain?

Thanks!

I've done it both ways (both midwife-delivered, doula-assisted, hospital births) and I don't consider myself particularly tough. It hurt like hell but when I started demanding drugs, I was ready to push. That also hurt like hell but the endorphins after were amazing. I suggest being prepared for a natural birth (doula, classes, etc.) and then keeping an open mind. For my first, that's what I did and I ended up opting for a very low dose epidural (you don't have to be completely numb) when I went straight into contractions with no break between them. For my second, I had a much better doula and she kept me together.

Funhilde
Jun 1, 2011

Cats Love Me.

skeetied posted:

I've done it both ways (both midwife-delivered, doula-assisted, hospital births) and I don't consider myself particularly tough. It hurt like hell but when I started demanding drugs, I was ready to push. That also hurt like hell but the endorphins after were amazing. I suggest being prepared for a natural birth (doula, classes, etc.) and then keeping an open mind. For my first, that's what I did and I ended up opting for a very low dose epidural (you don't have to be completely numb) when I went straight into contractions with no break between them. For my second, I had a much better doula and she kept me together.

Yeah I think I'm going to go with a doula and see how that works out. Met with her yesterday and had a nice chat.


Had our 20 month ultrasound. Everything is looking good except she had her hands over her face the whole time.

kells
Mar 19, 2009

Ishamael posted:

So my wife has been looking into natural childbirth stuff recently, and I realized that I don't know a single person in real life who didn't have some kind of medication during labor. Does anyone here have experience with natural childbirth? Was it worth the extra pain? Would you recommend it to a first-time mom who has not historically dealt well with pain?

Thanks!

I went in wanting an epidural but my labour was too fast and I had to get by with just gas and air. Once they broke my waters it got pretty bad but I made it through. I didn't find it 'rewarding' at all but then I wasn't planning on a 'natural' birth anyway. I guess it depends on how interested your wife is in you/doctors/midwives seeing her rolling around out of her mind in pain :P

I'd say don't make any decisions about what MUST happen because it might not end up going your way anyway.

On the bright side, I started forgetting the pain pretty much immediately once I was done.

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

I had a completely unmedicated birth. I delivered in a hospital,had a doula, and had a great overall experience. Yes, it was painful.

I really hate needles so the thought of avoiding a giant needle in my spine helped. My doula was also pretty great in knowing where to massage, where to apply counter pressure, etc.

Ishamael
Feb 18, 2004

You don't have to love me, but you will respect me.
Thanks for all the replies, my wife read them with me and it has given us a lot to talk about.

Unfortunately, today we heard from the natural birthing center nearby and they have rejected her as being too high-risk due to all her medications. So I guess we will be looking for a normal doctor now. I am fine with that but I know she wanted the option of having a midwife or doula instead of a doctor.

There are so many doctors though, I have no idea how we will choose (we moved recently and so we are not near her old OB/GYN, who she never liked anyway)

superbelch
Dec 9, 2003
Making baby jesus cry since 1984.

Ishamael posted:

Thanks for all the replies, my wife read them with me and it has given us a lot to talk about.

Unfortunately, today we heard from the natural birthing center nearby and they have rejected her as being too high-risk due to all her medications. So I guess we will be looking for a normal doctor now. I am fine with that but I know she wanted the option of having a midwife or doula instead of a doctor.

There are so many doctors though, I have no idea how we will choose (we moved recently and so we are not near her old OB/GYN, who she never liked anyway)

A doula is not an "or" - she's a dedicated support person who is specifically not there in a medical role. Regardless of where she gives birth or whether a CNM or MD provides her care, she can definitely still have a doula. - http://www.dona.org/mothers/

Check around with the local groups - there may be some groups of MDs that collaborate with CNMs.

If you want, you can PM me the area you're in and I can see what I can find.

Funhilde
Jun 1, 2011

Cats Love Me.
Yeah. I go to a regular doctor but will likely have a doula there as well.

zonohedron
Aug 14, 2006


Ishamael posted:

Thanks for all the replies, my wife read them with me and it has given us a lot to talk about.

Unfortunately, today we heard from the natural birthing center nearby and they have rejected her as being too high-risk due to all her medications. So I guess we will be looking for a normal doctor now. I am fine with that but I know she wanted the option of having a midwife or doula instead of a doctor.

There are so many doctors though, I have no idea how we will choose (we moved recently and so we are not near her old OB/GYN, who she never liked anyway)

I gave birth without pain medication (I had antibiotics, so not strictly unmedicated - not that I'd want to avoid antibiotics! - and I had local anesthesia when I was getting stitches afterwards) at a normal hospital, with a doctor from a practice that presumed that most of its patients would want an epidural 30 seconds after walking through the door. A birthing center is not at all required!

I don't know if I would say that "the extra pain was worth it" - I don't feel like I'm tougher or better because I did it, and I don't think I would have failed if I had asked for pain medication. But I do think that planning for labor without pain medication was the right choice for me; I don't like being even partially numb, I tend to deal with pain by moving and walking where possible, and I wanted to give birth squatting, all of which would have been precluded by an epidural. (I did eventually give birth holding on to a squatting bar that attached to the standard hospital bed. My husband says I was smiling between pushing - I certainly don't recall that, but endorphins are quite a thing.)

kbdragon
Jun 23, 2012
Both my deliveries were at a hospital, with a doctor, and without pain meds until after baby was out. Neither was without medication - I can't seem to get into active labor without petocin, ugh. So it is even possible to be induced/augmented and still be "natural" to some degree. The reason I did it that way was not for the intense contractions and painful delivery, it was for mobility during labor, a swift, alert recovery, and to not expose baby to that stuff. I really, instinctually wanted to walk/stand/sway during labor and only got into bed both times after transition. This also allowed my hubby to massage and apply counter-pressure on my back where I felt the contractions the most. After delivery I was able to move around and be completely alert which I really appreciated. Babies were also nice and alert. If you are really prepared with a natural birth mindset and have practiced a technique or two you think will work for you, I'd say go for it. I will also note that I have high pain tolerance and serious child-bearing hips - my total active labor time for both kids is 10 hours. When looking for a doctor mention that you are considering a natural birth - some are more supportive than others. Finally, even with preparation don't get your heart set on any one way - there are so many different possible experiences out there. I'm sure if I had more than 12 hours of intense labor I'd be asking for an epi, and a C-section can be needed fast even if mom is super prepared for something else.

Avalinka
Nov 4, 2009
I feel really proud of my mostly natural birth (does gas count?), but mostly because I have chronic fatigue syndrome and epilepsy so I wasn't sure how I'd go. I really didn't want an epidural because needles scare me, but I knew I'd take it if I needed it.

That said, I had a really fast labour. Non-painful braxton hicks type contractions for about 7 hours getting more frequent, then my waters broke and I had a baby 3.5 hours later. I remember being at the hospital thinking 'I'm only 2cm, I should still be able to walk around' but it hurt too much to. Then it all hurt like hell and I begged for help and my midwife talked about getting the paperwork sorted for an epidural, and I agreed, but that never happened because I progressed too quickly. I had the gas, and it was amazing. It didn't take the pain out of the peak of the contractions, but made coming down and resting between way better.

Anyway, I'd say go in with an open mind. You can plan for a natural birth, but if it doesn't happen that way, just look at your baby and be happy, because that's what matters.

Ambystoma
Oct 22, 2008

At least I looked like a popular idiot.
I'd say definitely get a doula, I thought about getting one but didn't and I regret not having one. Even though I didn't get the natural birth I wanted, I could have really used the extra support - my poor partner just wasn't able to be very helpful because he was totally overwhelmed and I ended up feeling kind of alone and crap.

SwissDonkey
Mar 29, 2007

Well here goes: my fiance is pregnant and I'm making GBS threads bricks. She's 6 weeks, and we've known for two weeks so far thanks to her taking a random pee test. And for what it's worth, those blue line tests suck. She took two and the line was so drat faint. I doubted it even existed. A couple days later she took a pink line test and holy poo poo it was definitely a strong line. Anyway moving on to the questions :

I get freaking out is pretty normal, except I feel my level of freaking out is a bit overboard. For reference, we're both 23. I keep 'moodswinging' in that I either feel intense joy and excitement over becoming a dad, to sudden bursts of "holy poo poo I might have ruined my life", and quite frankly it's emotionally exhausting and making me a little depressed. Is this normal? And any advice otherwise? For what it's worth, I've wanted kids for a few years now, just didn't expect it so soon.

Question 2, over the next 8 or so months, how do I best support my beautiful fiance while she builds bub? I want to do my best to make sure she's as comfortable and as happy as possible throughout her pregnancy. A quick month by month or trimester run down is basically what I'm after. I'm so oblivious to this stuff because I never expected it would happen as she had been told by a (incompetent) doctor that she'd never get pregnant. New doctor has since explained how wrong he was.

SwissDonkey fucked around with this message at 13:19 on Oct 24, 2014

Sweet Gulch
May 8, 2007

That metaphor just went somewhere horrible.
I went in with an open mind and asked for an epidural after a few hours of labour, buuuut the anesthesiologist was busy with another patient and it ended up being two hours before he got to me. They gave me some morphine in the meantime, which hardly even took the edge off the pain but really relaxed me between contractions. Another couple hours later, they discovered the baby had turned his head and was trying to come out face-first. There was another lady whose baby was in distress and was obviously more of a priority, so I got to wait for my c-section, too. That was a fun two hours listening to my baby's heart rate plunge with every contraction.

For our next baby, I definitely want a doula. I think I could do with just morphine in a case like that. It's really funny how I was in so much pain at the time, but now I just don't care and look back on my labour fondly!

hookerbot 5000
Dec 21, 2009
Of my four labours three of them were just with gas and air for pain relief and one of those labours I only got the gas and air ten minutes before Connor was born because they didn't believe I was in labour and gave me a couple of paracetamol. For the fourth I had an epidural and all the pain medicine I could convince them to give me. The circumstances were very different for the fourth (I'd been stuck in hospital for weeks, I knew they were going to take the baby away as soon as she was born to NICU, I'd been awake for 36 hours) but I don't think it really mattered as far as the whole birth experience goes and it most definitely doesn't affect my feelings for my children.

I certainly didn't feel any more in control or happy or connected about the whole thing without painkillers. But I don't have any deep feelings about giving birth, for me it's just a necessary evil if you want to have children. Other people feel completely differently though, it's a very individual thing.

Rathina
Jan 8, 2001
I've had both a drug free birth (3 days of hell), and a Pitocin/Epidural birth (12 hours of wonderful bliss, 30 minutes of Super Hell when I dislodged the Epidural by projectile vomiting, but baby was ready to come anyway).

I'm pretty much open to anything this time around, just depends on how things progress. I do know I can do it all on my own, but just depends on if I have to be induced or not.

If you have to be induced, get the epidural. For me it seemed like the Pitocin contractions started before they stopped, I felt like I was on a rollercoaster I couldn't get off on, whereas with natural contractions, I feel like I had time to rest and breath in between even if they were only a minute apart.

potatocubed
Jul 26, 2012

*rathian noises*

SwissDonkey posted:

I get freaking out is pretty normal, except I feel my level of freaking out is a bit overboard. For reference, we're both 23. I keep 'moodswinging' in that I either feel intense joy and excitement over becoming a dad, to sudden bursts of "holy poo poo I might have ruined my life", and quite frankly it's emotionally exhausting and making me a little depressed. Is this normal? And any advice otherwise? For what it's worth, I've wanted kids for a few years now, just didn't expect it so soon.

Question 2, over the next 8 or so months, how do I best support my beautiful fiance while she builds bub? I want to do my best to make sure she's as comfortable and as happy as possible throughout her pregnancy. A quick month by month or trimester run down is basically what I'm after. I'm so oblivious to this stuff because I never expected it would happen as she had been told by a (incompetent) doctor that she'd never get pregnant. New doctor has since explained how wrong he was.

Bearing mind that my wife is only at 30 weeks today, this is what I've got for you so far:

I was a bit 'oh god my life is over' for a while, and then a bit 'oh god what if I hate/resent my kid I'm going to be a terrible parent' but I've come around to the idea over time. Now I'm looking forward to being a dad! (In fact, I think 'embarrassing dad' is the role I've been practising for my whole life. :v:)

So just let time take its course there. It's ok to have concerns, but you'll adjust. You haven't ruined your life.

It's a bit tricky to tell you what to expect over the next 8 months because every pregnancy is unique. My wife spent the first trimester exhausted but otherwise okay, the second trimester slightly less exhausted, and is now going back to being exhausted all the time. On the other hand, she's largely skipped all the nausea. One woman in my social circle had such terrible nausea and blood pressure problems that she was basically signed off work from month 5 or so.

What I'll say is this: Starting now, you're going to have to take responsibility for more and more as the pregnancy progresses. Because most chores involve something pregnant women aren't meant to do (handling harsh chemicals, rooting around in the garden, interacting with cats, lifting things, etc.) they're pretty much all yours, as of today.

Oh, and so is the job of remembering the big list of things pregnant women aren't supposed to eat. Memorise it now (and/or bookmark it on your smartphone) because you will be quizzed on it later.

As the second trimester progresses, your other half might start finding standing and walking difficult, and driving can be uncomfortable as well. This means things like grocery shopping and running errands are yours as well.

And the third trimester is a bit of a mystery, to be honest. Mrs. Potatocubed is starting to develop pregnancy brain, so I'm now also in charge of arranging and remembering midwife appointments, social events, etc. etc.

I do feel stretched a bit thin, sometimes, but I figure it's all good practice for having kids.

For general support, make sure to attend as many of the scans and midwife appointments and such as you possibly can. The scans are pretty awesome so you'll want to be there for them anyway, but it's important you go to the midwife meetings so you can bring up anything your other half forgets or glosses over. (Mine doesn't like to admit when she's struggling, so part of my job is keeping her honest when the midwife asks how she's doing.)

What else... oh yeah, vet any media the two of you are watching/listening to/whatever for bad things happening to children, born or unborn. Do nice things for her - get her flowers, give her massages, whatever. Make sure to remember to maintain your relationship - she's still your fiancé as well as an impending mother.

Oh, also: she's your fiancé. If you're invested in getting married before the baby arrives, do it early and keep it simple. You can have a giant party with all the trimmings in a few years, but right now you don't have the time to organise something like that. My wife and I (who were engaged when she got pregnant) just had a quick registry office do for our immediate families followed by a meal at a fancy restaurant and it was still a colossal ball-ache to get everything lined up and everyone's families in the same place at the same time.

Asnorban
Jun 13, 2003

Professor Gavelsmoke


Ishamael posted:

Thanks for all the replies, my wife read them with me and it has given us a lot to talk about.

Unfortunately, today we heard from the natural birthing center nearby and they have rejected her as being too high-risk due to all her medications. So I guess we will be looking for a normal doctor now. I am fine with that but I know she wanted the option of having a midwife or doula instead of a doctor.

There are so many doctors though, I have no idea how we will choose (we moved recently and so we are not near her old OB/GYN, who she never liked anyway)

If your profile is correct, my wife and I live in the area and she is a Doula. I could put you guys in touch if you are looking, and she could also probably help out with finding resources in the area.

She is actually pregnant right now also, we're doing it at the Birth & Wellness Center but she has attended births in quite a few places in the area and has an idea of which are great for mother/child care and which leave a lot to be desired.

SwissDonkey
Mar 29, 2007

What an awesome reply, thank you so so much for that. I'm a worrier by nature so I guess my reaction was to be expected to some degree. I've been reading silly lists like '10 great things about being a dad' and that's definitely making me feel better about the scenario, to the point I can be super excited for it. Good news is for those first trimester suggestions, I'm already on the right track. Giving her space to sleep more when she needs it, cooking meals and picking up slack with other chores. It's so easy to see just how over tired the poor girl is. Pregnant goons, you've definitely got my sympathy.

She's been up and down as much as I have, I can be pretty vocal with my feelings which I could see upset her at times. I made sure she understood that in no way was I unhappy with her or our baby, just my lack of forsight into what it would actually be like. Now I keep it a bit more to myself and share all of my happy feelings and thoughts with her and that seems to be helping a great deal. She so deserves to be happy about this, she's always wanted kids and I know she'll be a fantastic mother.

I plan to go to every scan and midwife appointment as well. I've discussed it with my boss and she's happy to pay me for the time off, it's great to have a supporting workplace, especially as a male when it comes to this stuff. A lot of places are so female centric policy when it comes to having kids.

Thanks again for all of that information and mental support, it really is helpful for a dude going in blind. Exciting times!

Edit: on the marriage front, we'll be getting married after baby swiss is born. No big ceremony, just immediate family. :)

Ishamael
Feb 18, 2004

You don't have to love me, but you will respect me.

SwissDonkey posted:

What an awesome reply, thank you so so much for that. I'm a worrier by nature so I guess my reaction was to be expected to some degree. I've been reading silly lists like '10 great things about being a dad' and that's definitely making me feel better about the scenario, to the point I can be super excited for it. Good news is for those first trimester suggestions, I'm already on the right track. Giving her space to sleep more when she needs it, cooking meals and picking up slack with other chores. It's so easy to see just how over tired the poor girl is. Pregnant goons, you've definitely got my sympathy.

She's been up and down as much as I have, I can be pretty vocal with my feelings which I could see upset her at times. I made sure she understood that in no way was I unhappy with her or our baby, just my lack of forsight into what it would actually be like. Now I keep it a bit more to myself and share all of my happy feelings and thoughts with her and that seems to be helping a great deal. She so deserves to be happy about this, she's always wanted kids and I know she'll be a fantastic mother.

I plan to go to every scan and midwife appointment as well. I've discussed it with my boss and she's happy to pay me for the time off, it's great to have a supporting workplace, especially as a male when it comes to this stuff. A lot of places are so female centric policy when it comes to having kids.

Thanks again for all of that information and mental support, it really is helpful for a dude going in blind. Exciting times!

Edit: on the marriage front, we'll be getting married after baby swiss is born. No big ceremony, just immediate family. :)

My wife got me a pretty amusing book called "Dude You're Gonna Be a Dad", and it has some good advice about how to help support your partner as she does all the hard stuff and you try to avoid drinking in front of her.

Link here.

Thanks to everyone for the info about doctors and doulas, I guess I thought it was a mutually exclusive thing. This is all really interesting info and we will read it together tonight when we are at home. This thread seriously rules. Also, it was the "trying to get pregnant" thread that led us to Fertility Friend, which ended up being exactly what we needed to conceive. Go goons go!

Asnorban posted:

If your profile is correct, my wife and I live in the area and she is a Doula. I could put you guys in touch if you are looking, and she could also probably help out with finding resources in the area.

She is actually pregnant right now also, we're doing it at the Birth & Wellness Center but she has attended births in quite a few places in the area and has an idea of which are great for mother/child care and which leave a lot to be desired.

That is really cool, and I am sure she would love to have that resource. Thanks so much! I don't have PMs, if you could email me at gone now that would be awesome. I should probably stop being a cheap bastard and get plat.

EDIT: Also it's fun to say doula.

Douladouladoula.

Ishamael fucked around with this message at 18:23 on Oct 24, 2014

BonoMan
Feb 20, 2002

Jade Ear Joe

SwissDonkey posted:

What an awesome reply, thank you so so much for that. I'm a worrier by nature so I guess my reaction was to be expected to some degree. I've been reading silly lists like '10 great things about being a dad' and that's definitely making me feel better about the scenario, to the point I can be super excited for it. Good news is for those first trimester suggestions, I'm already on the right track. Giving her space to sleep more when she needs it, cooking meals and picking up slack with other chores. It's so easy to see just how over tired the poor girl is. Pregnant goons, you've definitely got my sympathy.

She's been up and down as much as I have, I can be pretty vocal with my feelings which I could see upset her at times. I made sure she understood that in no way was I unhappy with her or our baby, just my lack of forsight into what it would actually be like. Now I keep it a bit more to myself and share all of my happy feelings and thoughts with her and that seems to be helping a great deal. She so deserves to be happy about this, she's always wanted kids and I know she'll be a fantastic mother.

I plan to go to every scan and midwife appointment as well. I've discussed it with my boss and she's happy to pay me for the time off, it's great to have a supporting workplace, especially as a male when it comes to this stuff. A lot of places are so female centric policy when it comes to having kids.

Thanks again for all of that information and mental support, it really is helpful for a dude going in blind. Exciting times!

Edit: on the marriage front, we'll be getting married after baby swiss is born. No big ceremony, just immediate family. :)

Yeah it's totally normal to freak out! I'm a huge worrier myself, and now having a 10 week old I find that a.) it actually helped me get over a lot of my life fears because "ain't nobody got time for that poo poo" and b.) it's an amazingly experience that absolutely without-a-doubt is so much more unbelievably rewarding than any doubts I had in my brain. It's seriously awesome.

And hey, you'll have some youthful energy that will definitely help with the first few months! We had our first kid at 35 and man, sometimes I'm like "goddamn I wish I was in my 20s."

You'll be fine! As far as partner support, just realize that her emotions and hormones could go just hog wild. Don't try to reason with them. Just support them. Ride those emotional ups and down like a surfboard and you'll be fine.

And yeah don't drink in front of her (if y'all are drinkers) if you can help it!

SwissDonkey
Mar 29, 2007

You guys are just awesome, really. Neither of us drink, so that's not an issue. And yep, I've already come to grips with that she's gonna think I'm the world's biggest rear end in a top hat at times, I know she won't be able to help it. Can't thank you all enough for the advice, you guys have seriously eased a lot of my fears. :)

Edit: BonoMan, hearing that it can be rewarding even in early weeks makes me feel a hell of a lot better. All I seem to see usually is how great it is when the kids about 9 months on, and that first couple of months are hell. I expect them to be rough, but hearing that it's rewarding even that early has made a huge difference

SwissDonkey fucked around with this message at 17:28 on Oct 24, 2014

Asnorban
Jun 13, 2003

Professor Gavelsmoke


Ishamael posted:

That is really cool, and I am sure she would love to have that resource. Thanks so much! I don't have PMs, if you could email me at nicholas dot heim at gmail dot com that would be awesome. I should probably stop being a cheap bastard and get plat.

EDIT: Also it's fun to say doula.

Douladouladoula.

Awesome! I passed it along. She'll shoot you an email some time today or tomorrow.

Funhilde
Jun 1, 2011

Cats Love Me.
I don't mind if my husband drinks in front of me. I don't really miss drinking all that much.

Ishamael
Feb 18, 2004

You don't have to love me, but you will respect me.

Funhilde posted:

I don't mind if my husband drinks in front of me. I don't really miss drinking all that much.

That's what my wife says too, but I still don't want to "taunt" her with stuff she can't have.

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1up
Jan 4, 2005

5-up
The only time I felt "taunted" during pregnancy was at the end when I was on a restricted carb diet due to GD. I cried hysterically once because all I wanted was a baked potato.

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