quote:

I'll preface this by saying that my love for hot sauce borders autism.

fullroundaction posted:

Just shared on my FB feed.

http://www.tickld.com/funny/t/1063636

These are clearly just repackaged corny jokes but ughn the lovely title and insistence that they're real made me angry.

JGdmn posted:

Wait, who eats in a grocery store?

fronkpies posted:

Anyone who has even rubbed a small amount of chilli in there eyes by accident knows how awful it is, so after causing pretty serious injuries to a baby he still walks of with his salad and hot sauce in hand?

epopt posted:

Are you that desperate for upvotes and attention that you'd make up a story where you sound like a complete shitlord? At least pepper it with smug comebacks and witty bon mots, maybe toss one over your shoulder as you ride off on your rascal scooter with a wave, or something. But no, you choose to seek attention by making up a story about accidentally harming a child and then dumping coconut water on the kid's face (with chunks) and slinking off into the crowd with a mumble. That's how badly you crave them internet points?

seriously, gently caress reddit.

fronkpies posted:

Anyone who has even rubbed a small amount of chilli in there eyes by accident knows how awful it is, so after causing pretty serious injuries to a baby he still walks of with his salad and hot sauce in hand?

jabby posted:

Pretty serious injuries? What do you think the hospital did apart from 'rinse out eyes and wait'?

canyoneer posted:

I'm not a doctor, so I think we have something in common.

Comma Chameleon posted:

This guys entire account is all poo poo that didn't happen but this one really takes it.

http://imgur.com/gallery/VORwKcx

Biplane posted:

It's funny because disney cast members can not under any circumstances grab guests.

Tunicate posted:

capsaicin is pretty harmless.

Unless you inhale it and have asthma.

jabby posted:

I am actually a doctor. To the best of my knowledge there is no antidote or treatment for chili in the eyes besides rinsing them and waiting.

ReidRansom posted:

At high concentrations it can be quite dangerous and cause cell damage.

Comma Chameleon posted:

This guys entire account is all poo poo that didn't happen but this one really takes it.

http://imgur.com/gallery/VORwKcx

MinistryofLard posted:

Can someone explain this one to me? What was the kids mustang doing in the OP's driveway? Was the guy buying a kid who trashed his bike a mustang, only to take it away for the kicks?

ReidRansom posted:

At high concentrations it can be quite dangerous and cause cell damage.

Vanilla extract works. Capsaicin is alcohol soluble and vanillin can somewhat block it by binding to the same receptors. Though I guess you wouldn't want to put that in someone's eyes. Casein does a pretty good job too. Rinse thoroughly with milk. Vanilla milk if you've got it.

jabby posted:

A quick google reveals that eye damage from pepper spray is rare enough to make into a case study, and even that healed fine with minimal intervention. And that was from pepper spray, not hot sauce.

Also studies show that all the suggestions for various fluids to get rid of pepper spray burn make no difference. Water works as well as milk.

So while I can't believe we are still discussing this when it clearly didn't happen, hot sauce in the eye is incredibly unlikely to do anything but hurt for a while. An ambulance is overkill and the hospital wouldn't do anything but rinse and observe.

Combat Pragmatism posted:

This troper practices with a boken outside on a regular basis and developed a reputation for being a KnightInShiningArmor because of it. Some local toughs thought it would be a good idea to rough me up to show that that they were the biggest and baddest around. Multiple and assorted dirty tricks later they remembered a forgotten appointment.

quote:

This troper all the way. First fight she got in, she grabbed the hand mirror next to her, shattered it, threw the shards at the attacker and then presumed to grab the nearest hair spray bottle andbeat the attacker in the head with it. It ended with her forcing his arm behind his back. It was awesome.

quote:

this troper is setting himself up for this. He currently , whenever a situation starts looking ugly, reaches for his pocketknife. That motion alone shuts people up. When he reaches 21 He'll be getting his concealed weapons permit, a Sig-Sauer p229, and a hip holster. Then we all know what he'll be reaching for...

Dunno what trope, didn't pay attention posted:

Even more frightening, at least to this troper, is his tendency to have conversations ''with himself''. Even debates and arguments (which he loses with depressing frequency). His journal makes fascinating reading, as it is written from the point of view of his dominant personality fragment at the time of writing...which can change inside the same entry. He's even used the journal as a vehicle to have a conversation with himself.

quote:

As a side effect of his eidetic memory, this Troper frequently has flashbacks when under similar circumstances as he was when he first experienced the thing being flashed back to.

quote:

I used a dead baby joke in geometry to help a student understand rotations: "How do you get a baby to crawl in a circle? ... Nail one hand to the floor." Cue the entire class laughing so hard they can't breathe. My teacher's response? "Thats... horrible!" while trying to hold back her laughter. The look on her face is what really sold it as a CrowningMomentOfFunny, especially since absolutely no one in the room, not even the class clowns, had ever told a joke that dark, and no one dared to match it. Probably the only reason I was not punished at all was that before that point everybody had thought I was a serious student who was mildly rude on occasion to certain unliked people, and it came out of gorramn nowhere.

An Anime Character posted:

This troper plays with it, first appearing to be a bit of a dumb type, but that's because DumbIsGood nowadays. But if you bully my friends, well, I cannot guarantee I will be so gentle to you. You see,I have trained a while in how to utterly dismantle my enemy's will to fight through a series of attacks which cause them extreme pain. Over here in a gang pit, its really quite essential.

If you didn't groan out loud before, you'll groan at this posted:

I'm smart. Genius-level IQ. I'm in Mensa. Do I tell anyone this at work? No. I work a blue-collar job. You could call me an almighty front desk attendant. I only hold an associates degree. I don't want to finish college, I like what I do and I'm happy - Lots of time to read in my job. However I can't sayI'm smart, though lots of people point it out. People would think I'm lording it over them. My managers will think I'm vying for their jobs.I get barraged with questions about why aren't I a college professor,and I should go to college. I'll volunteer some bit of info about physics or something obscure and get asked "How would you even know that?" So I like being smart and all, but it's a bit of a curse, too.

quote:

This troper has limited empathic abilities, I mean, yeah, I can read peoples' thoughts to a certain degree and I can even drain energy from my surroundings into myself, but I can also feel peoples' physical pain. And I can read. peoples. thoughts. Think about the implications of that a bit. Now think about how I found out my last girlfriend cheated on me.

-Hello fellow empath. You're not alone. I hate to tell you, but as you get older and stronger it's only going to get worse. This troper has known several empaths who suffer the same thing, himself included. I come from a family of pretty strong empaths. High school sucked because of it. I could tell once when one of my friends was ridiculously amorous. I could feel it without even looking at her. Feeling people's physical pain too can make you sick. On one occasion, when a member of my school died in a car crash, I didn't even know the girl, and yet I was absorbing all the depression from the entire school. I felt like I was walking through mud the entire day. My friends claimed it was like I was acting like a shield and absorbing all the negativity so they wouldn't be affected.

-If we're going to venture into empathic territory, might I recommend learning to shield? Even if it's complete BS, it can't hurt.

-Second poster again. Trust me, it's not BS. It's the only way I survived Highschool without a massive psychotic break.

-Not empathic powers per se, but this troper has some psychic ability, namely forms of clairvoyance and aura-sense, and believe me, it is quite different from what those fakers claim. Such things can be useful in advising people, but he prefers to be stealthy about it to avert the You Have To Believe Me trope, and he only advises people such as his family (his mother is very spiritual, and his father is sort-of open to the possibility) with information gleaned through such methods. He has been having low-level visions of some sort of personal destiny, started by strange dreams, for the past eighteen months or so about some sort of future outlook which this troper would prefer not to elaborate on, except that even though it is a favourable i.e. relatively happy outcome, it is very different from his boring present and while he knows the events and possibilities of precursory events he can't pinpoint when. This hasn't been lifelong as such - the potential was likely there from the beginning but it took certain bad relationships and other events to awaken it more fully. But this troper is thankful he isn't living in the Deep South or similarly ultra-Christian area, otherwise he'd be fleeing riled-up mobs led by preachers with Torches And Pitchforks, or in an area where worse could happen, the ol' Burn The Witch type thing (though this troper is sort-of henotheistic but bordering on polytheism, but not Wiccan, funnily enough...), especially since he once saw a Roman Catholic priest's aura as showing he was possibly an unwitting agent for an evil red-eyed being from beyond death itself seen overlapping the priest's aura...

"I'm going to hell for this" seems to be mostly people trying to prove how hard they are. posted:

This troper, who considers himself a comedian, often has loud, off-colour conversations in the hallway of his high school with his friends. Said conversations are peppered with jokes about cripples, suicide, pot shots at my one black friend (who enjoys such jokes wholeheartedly, mind you), the flaws in organized religion, etc. Not to mention the fact that I am an atheist, an avid fan of George Carlin and Penn & Teller, I constantly swear like a man who dropped a bowling ball on his foot, and find every single Funny Aneurysm Moment throughout history to be completely hilarious. Kneel at the feet of the master, heathens. (Come to think of it, I would consider the trope title to be a Catch Phrase of mine.)

I definitely did these things posted:

This troper used to be very paranoid, though he's since beat it, without seeing a psychiatrist for help (which I'm very proud of. Seems you just need the right motivation and enough willpower). I'm now over most of my problems, but during the worst of it, I learnt to create weapons out of the most mundane objects, though thankfully I never actually used them on a living creature. My creations (all made from bits and pieces in the shed and my father's big pile of electronics) include:
A captive bolt gun.
A pnuematic speargun, firing sharpened rebar rods.
A crude musket, unrifled and inaccurate, and fueled by homemade gunpowder.
A prototype railgun, very low-powered unfortunately.
An Assassin's Creed-style knife rig that could be strapped to a forearm. Making the mechanism tough enough, yet light and concealable, was a problem I never quite solved.
Ther were others, but those spring to mind as the most impressive and memorable. I still make things occasionally, when I'm very bored and I have the shed to myself.

what the loving hell posted:

This troper has been faced with the dilemma of what to do when the child hits first. Due to being subjected to playground violence as a child, being hit by someone tends to make me react violently and instantly, without thinking. I'm in my early twenties now and have a niece who's a toddler that thinks she can get her way by hitting people who are much bigger and stronger than she is. It is exceedingly hard not to react violently back, but I do try not to give in to my urges to chokeslam her every time she hits me. He doesn't want to, and it's a reflex he's trying to unlearn.

Noyemi K posted:

Oh man, someone else found some INCREDIBLE ones back when the Troper Tales pages were still up (some are missing from the documents)

[ psychic tropers ]

ahhhh yesss that good poo poo posted:

This troper inverts this. He is quite handsome (think something between Sharurkh-khan and George Clooney) whenever people take the time to notice it. He avoids the noticing by being a geeky Shrinking Violet and willingly invokes Loners are Freaks, for example by always eating alone in the cafeteria. He also behaves, talks and uses face faults like an Anime character, which is helped by him havin facial elasticity on par with Jim Carrey. Add to this Insufferable Genius, Tall Dark and Snarky and Brilliant But Lazy tendencies, coupled with being a Love Freak and The Ditz and having Chronic Hero Syndrome and the Cape's mentality, and using Spock Speak by default except when combining it with Sophisticated as Hell and you get such a complicated, noisy, confusing mess the handsomeness is only noticeable when I'm gazing at the window or sleeping...

Noyemi K posted:

Oh man, okay, okay, one last one, and then I'm done with the Dom Tropen Tales:

Noyemi K posted:

Yeah, that's not a good way to get ventilated at all!

PUGGERNAUT posted:

Bertrand Hustle posted:

What the gently caress does "light deems" mean?