Let's Read the Sword of Truth books! (Or not. Can we not?)

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > Let's Read the Sword of Truth books! (Or not. Can we not?)

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TheCenturion: May 3, 2013; HI I LIKE TO GIVE ADVICE ON RELATIONSHIPS

Perestroika posted:

It kind of pales next to all the , but drat this is some lazy-rear end writing. Mord-Sith are completely in control of any kind of magic, including the sword's. However will our brave hero get out of this? Nah nevermind, he breaks free because somethingsomething other side forgeveness. Oh no, Kahlan's power is exhausted and she's up against people with special protection, what now? Ah nevermind, she just pulls some super-duper power out of her rear end that handily nullifies all that. Maybe it's because some of the context/background is missing, but it seems like half the time Goodkind is just handwaving things by the skin of his teeth without ever really bothering about whatever rules he's established.

Actually, it does kinda make sense, or at least, he retcons it well. And it fits right in with objectivism.

Richard is a super-duper 'War Wizard' to whom the laws of magic both don't apply, and perfectly apply, but everybody's been misinterpreting them the whole time. He's also fulfilling prophecy, by ignoring, circumventing, and outright defying prophecy, but that's actually what the prophecy said he'd do, and everybody just misinterprets it.

It really helps to realize that this is a post-apocalyptic/after the fall story, and by the standards of the old Wizards, even Zedd would be considered a drooling idiot. Richard is kinda like the Connecticut Yankee in Darken Rahl's Court.

Somebody mentioned how did Zedd raise the barriers; same way he does anything else at all impressive and large scale; he found something awesome in the Wizard's Keep and pushed the big red button.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 14:10

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# ? Jun 2, 2024 09:12

Esser-Z: Jun 3, 2012

Spoilers Below posted:

This entire thing is terribly under developed:

-They have utterly alien customs, yet everyone speaks the exact same language? In the real world before television, regional dialects sprung up between different cities, let alone geographically distinct regions that were magically separated from one another. Even with one or two generations of separation, Kahlan should sound very weird to Richard's ears and vice versa.
-Elaborating on this, everyone on each side of the wall has the exact same name for each of the three realms? Why?
-No one lost contact with relatives living on the other side of the Wall? His world isn't exactly huge, and given the sheer number of small towns that dotted the landscape (all conveniently less than 1 day's travel from one another) in the pre-automobile period...
-What happened to the settlements that were located right by the Walls? Was there some sort of "Right of Way" or "Eminent Domain" established to clear out those areas first?

And all of these questions I find way more interesting than bad S&M.

The answer is wizards.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 14:18

Dr.Magnificent: Dec 24, 2007; Comes with hands on care.; Fun Shoe

TheCenturion posted:

Actually, it does kinda make sense, or at least, he retcons it well. And it fits right in with objectivism.

Richard is a super-duper 'War Wizard' to whom the laws of magic both don't apply, and perfectly apply, but everybody's been misinterpreting them the whole time. He's also fulfilling prophecy, by ignoring, circumventing, and outright defying prophecy, but that's actually what the prophecy said he'd do, and everybody just misinterprets it.

Dick's actual super-power is that he is the world's greatest rules lawyer. Its how he overcomes nearly every antagonist in the series.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 20:21

Night10194: Feb 13, 2012; We'll start,
like many good things,
with a bear.

Perestroika posted:

It kind of pales next to all the , but drat this is some lazy-rear end writing. Mord-Sith are completely in control of any kind of magic, including the sword's. However will our brave hero get out of this? Nah nevermind, he breaks free because somethingsomething other side forgeveness. Oh no, Kahlan's power is exhausted and she's up against people with special protection, what now? Ah nevermind, she just pulls some super-duper power out of her rear end that handily nullifies all that. Maybe it's because some of the context/background is missing, but it seems like half the time Goodkind is just handwaving things by the skin of his teeth without ever really bothering about whatever rules he's established.

I see you do not read many fantasy novels. This poo poo is pretty much par for the course in my experience. Which is a good reason not to read many fantasy novels.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 20:30

TheCenturion: May 3, 2013; HI I LIKE TO GIVE ADVICE ON RELATIONSHIPS

Dr.Magnificent posted:

Dick's actual super-power is that he is the world's greatest rules lawyer. Its how he overcomes nearly every antagonist in the series.

That's an excellent way of putting it. And forever more, I will view Richard Cypher acting exactly as Phoenix Wright, Ace attorney.

"I have taken your sword's magic, and there is now NO WAY YOU CAN DO ANYTHING I don't allow."
"OBJECTION!"

# ? Nov 26, 2014 21:29

Mors Rattus: Oct 25, 2007; FATAL & Friends
Walls of Text
#1 Builder
2014-2018

Well, he certainly shoves his ~~badge~~ sword of office into faces a lot.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 21:58

AVeryLargeRadish: Aug 19, 2011; I LITERALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO NOT BE A WEIRD SEXUAL CREEP ABOUT PREPUBESCENT ANIME GIRLS, READ ALL ABOUT IT HERE!!!

Night10194 posted:

I see you do not read many fantasy novels. This poo poo is pretty much par for the course in my experience. Which is a good reason not to read many fantasy novels.

I have read many fantasy novels and no way are they anything near as bad as this poo poo. I mean they are not high art or anything, and there is plenty of schlock out there just like any other genre but SoT is exceptionally bad from what I have seen itt.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 22:10

shitty poker hand: Jun 13, 2013

AVeryLargeRadish posted:

I have read many fantasy novels and no way are they anything near as bad as this poo poo. I mean they are not high art or anything, and there is plenty of schlock out there just like any other genre but SoT is exceptionally bad from what I have seen itt.

The series ages like milk: the longer it goes on, the worse it gets! Just imagine six or seven books from now!

# ? Nov 26, 2014 22:19

Night10194: Feb 13, 2012; We'll start,
like many good things,
with a bear.

Well, yes, this is obviously an extreme example.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 22:28

Ergonomix: Apr 14, 2009; pffffff

Lay on Hands posted:

The series ages like milk: the longer it goes on, the worse it gets! Just imagine six or seven books from now!

As poorly as I remember this book, I could at least remember the basic plot structure. The entire rest of the series is just a huge blur to me, aside from a few stand out moments that have already been mentioned a couple times in the thread. I'm looking forward to that, assuming DDP hasn't died from overexposure by then.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 22:28

PeterWeller: Apr 21, 2003; I told you that story so I could tell you this one.

I only ever read WFR. How many books until the chicken-that-is-not-a-chicken?

# ? Nov 26, 2014 22:45

That Old Tree: Jun 24, 2012; nah

PeterWeller posted:

I only ever read WFR. How many books until the chicken-that-is-not-a-chicken?

One or two, I think. It's right at the beginning of whatever book it's in.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 22:46

alarumklok: Jun 30, 2012

Literally the only thing I remember about any of the books past the first one is Dick's marble statue. I remember later seeing the cover of Atlas Shrugged and briefly connecting the dots.

^^^ What the gently caress is that supposed to mean? Spoiler it, but I need to know.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 22:53

PeterWeller: Apr 21, 2003; I told you that story so I could tell you this one.

It is an abomination against Objectivism.

I don't even think that's a joke.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 23:02

Raygereio: Nov 12, 2012

alarumklok posted:

^^^ What the gently caress is that supposed to mean? Spoiler it, but I need to know.

Future book stuff:
It's a reference to a scene that's often quoted as a example of Goodkind's talents as a writer. It's a bit where Kahlan confronts an evil entity. Said evil has taken the shape of a chicken.
Here it is, if you can't wait. I think the intention was for the scene to be scary and unsettling, but... well... it's a chicken.

PeterWeller posted:

I only ever read WFR. How many books until the chicken-that-is-not-a-chicken?

Soul of the Fire, the fifth one.

Raygereio fucked around with this message at 23:17 on Nov 26, 2014

# ? Nov 26, 2014 23:10

thespaceinvader: Mar 30, 2011; The slightest touch from a Gol-Shogeg will result in Instant Death!

alarumklok posted:

Literally the only thing I remember about any of the books past the first one is Dick's marble statue. I remember later seeing the cover of Atlas Shrugged and briefly connecting the dots.

Sadly for me, I actually quite liked the whole bit with the marble statue. I had no loving clue what it meant then I guess. Still don't and am kind of looking forward to the analysis in this thread...

# ? Nov 26, 2014 23:40

neonchameleon: Nov 14, 2012

Masonity posted:

Okay, a few pics as promised.

This is a lesson to all of you. Never ask if there are pictures of magic dildo dominatrices online. The answer is always yes.

You can really tell who's basing things on the (vastly superior - not that that says much) TV series. I think that's the only one of your pictures that was. For reference (Denna and Richard, of course - although she survives)

And the d�colletage version is based on a renegade/recovering Mord'Sith from Season 2 who becomes the fourth of our merry band of heroes. By S2 they'd basically thrown the books out and were running a just about passable cliched high fantasy adventure/quest series in a setting inspired by the books.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 23:53

Mors Rattus: Oct 25, 2007; FATAL & Friends
Walls of Text
#1 Builder
2014-2018

Deciding to get rid of the star-and-crescent was probably one of the show's better decisions. I say this knowing nothing about the show.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 23:55

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

What's Richard doing while Kahlan goes on a death-march to D'Hara? I am not even loving with you when I quote this:

quote:

Richard smiled. "You are the most beautiful beast I have ever seen." Still panting as he tried to catch his breath, he pointed to the plateau. "Scarlet, I need to get to the People's Palace. Will you take me? Please?"

NO. GAME. WHATSOEVER.

He gets hauled back to D'Hara too, because this is the second to last chapter, and this book ends abruptly, so he needs to be there for the scene. In the process, he intuits something via the Wizard's First Rule, and holy poo poo it is gonna make some of you so mad. But we aren't told what it is yet.

Meanwhile, the other three are in the palace now too. Because. At least we learn something cool about the place!

quote:

Kahlan stopped and turned her green eyes to the wizard. "Which way?"

Zedd pointed down a hall to the right. Kahlan started off without hesitation.

"How do you know where we're going?" Chase asked.

"Two ways. First, the People's Palace is built on a pattern I recognize, the pattern of a magic spell. The entire palace is one giant spell drawn on the face of the ground. It's a power spell, meant to protect Darken Rahl, keep him safe here, amplify his power. It's a spell drawn to protect him from other wizards. I have very little power here. I am next to helpless. The core of it is a place called the Garden of Life. Darken Rahl will be there."

Chase gave a troubled look. "What's the second."

Zedd hesitated. "The boxes. Their covers are removed. I can sense them. They, too, are in the Garden of Life." Something was wrong. He knew what it was to sense one of the boxes, and two should be twice as strong. But the feeling wasn't; it was three times as strong.

Once upon a time I would have found this nifty, but at this point I basically think of "[place] built in the shape of a spell" as the sign of very, very bad things to come. See also: Dragon Age II.

The final chapter begins with everyone in the garden. Zedd and Chase stay the gently caress back, Kahlan sees "Rahl" and goes right for him, and when she uses her power, he immediately drops to his knees. Which is when the real Rahl decides to make an entrance.

quote:

Zedd stood frozen. Despair crushed the elation of Richard being alive. A vine-covered door in a wall to the side opened. The real Darken Rahl emerged, followed by Michael and two big guards. Kahlan blinked in confusion.

The enemy web wavered, and in a shimmer of light the one who had been Darken Rahl was returned to who he really was. Richard.

Kahlan's eyes went wide in horror as she backed away. The power of the Con Dar faltered, and extinguished. She screamed in anguish at what she had done.

The two guards stepped behind her. Chase reached up for his sword. He was frozen in place before his hand reached it. Zedd brought his hands up, but there was no power left. Nothing happened. He ran for them, but before he could take two steps, he hit an invisible wall. He was encased in it, held like a prisoner in a stone cell. He railed in rage at his own stupidity.

At seeing what she had done, Kahlan yanked a knife from the belt of a guard. With a cry of anguish, she held it up in both hands to plunge it into herself.

Michael grabbed her from behind, twisted the knife from her hands, and held it to her throat. Richard launched himself in a fury at his brother but crashed into an invisible wall and was knocked back. Kahlan had expended all her energy in the Con Dar, and was too weak to fight back; she collapsed in tears. One of the guards tied a gag to her mouth, preventing her from even mumbling Richard's name.

Richard, on his knees, fell against Darken Rahl, gripping his robes, pleading up to him. "Don't hurt her! Please. Don't hurt her."

Darken Rahl put a hand on Richard's shoulder. "So glad to see you have come back, Richard. I thought you might. I'm glad you've decided to help me. I admire your devotion to your friends."

Now, keep in mind, this is the first time most of these characters have met the entire novel. This is the climax. So how is it spent?

quote:

"Don't hurt Mistress Kahlan," Richard cried. "Please."

"If you do as I say, I will do as I promised, and she will be treated well. I may even turn you into something pleasant, something you would like to be, maybe a lapdog. I may even let you sleep in our bedchamber so you might see that I keep my word. Maybe I will even name my son in honor of you, for helping me. Would you like that? Richard Rahl. Sort of ironic, don't you think."

"Do whatever you want with me, but please don't hurt Mistress Kahlan. Tell me what you want me to do, please."

Darken Rahl patted Richard's head. "Soon, my son, soon. Wait here."

Darken Rahl left Richard on his knees, and glided around the circle of white sand to Zedd. The blue eyes locked on the old man as he came. Zedd felt hollow, empty.

Rahl stopped in front of him and licked his fingers, stroking them over his eyebrows.

"What is your name, Old One?"

Zedd stared back, his hopes destroyed. "Zeddicus Zu'l Zorander." He held his chin up. "I am the one who killed your father."

Darken Rahl nodded. "And do you know that your wizard's fire also burned me? Do you know it almost killed me when I was but a child? And that I spent months in agony? And that to this day I carry the scars of what you did, both those on the outside, and others on the inside?"

"I'm sorry I hurt a child, regardless of who the child was. But in this case, I would call it premature punishment."

Rahl's face remained pleasant, the hint of a smile still on his lips. "We are going to have a long time together, you and I. I am going to teach you of the pain I endured, and more. You will know what it was like."

Zedd gave a bitter look. "Nothing could match the pain you have already given me."

Darken Rahl licked his fingertips as he turned away. "We will see."

Banter for this long, and then nothing but Zedd crying. Zedd cries, and Richard recites the entire Book of Counted Shadows.

This goes on. For. EVER. And then finally...

quote:

Rahl nodded. He gave a wave of his hand to Michael. Michael relaxed the knife. Kahlan closed her eyes as tears ran down her cheeks. Rahl turned to the boxes, letting out a deep breath.

"At last," he whispered. "The magic of Orden is mine."

Zedd couldn't see it, but he knew that Darken Rahl lifted the lid on the middle box, the one with two shadows; he could tell by the light expanding from it. Golden light lifted and as if it were a great weight, it settled over Master Rahl, lighting him in a golden glow. He turned, smiling. The light about him moved with him as he moved. He lifted slightly into the air, enough to take the weight from his feet, and floated to the center of the sorcerer's sand, his arms extended, the light beginning to swirl slowly around him. He faced toward Richard.

"Thank you, my son, for coming back, for helping Father Rahl. You will be rewarded for helping me, as I promised. You have delivered to me that which is mine. I can feel it. It's marvelous. I can feel the power."

[...]

Bathed in the golden light, Darken Rahl slowly rose a few feet off the ground, above the white sorcerer's sand, a satisfied grin on his face, his blue eyes sparkling. His head rolled back in rapture, his eyes closing, his blond hair hanging away. Sparkles of light rotated about him.

The white sand turned a golden color, continued turning darker, to a burnt brown. The light around Rahl darkened to amber. His head came down, his eyes coming open, his smile fading.

The sorcerer's sand crisped to black. The ground trembled.

A smile spread on Richard's face. He went and retrieved the Sword of Truth, the anger of the sword's magic flooding into his gray eyes. Zedd came to his feet. The light around Darken Rahl turned an ugly brown. His blue eyes went wide.

A wailing roar came from the ground. The black sand under Rahl's feet split open. Violet light shot up, engulfing him. He twisted in it, screaming out.

See, Richard totally punked everyone.

quote:

"Richard!" Rahl shrieked. "What have you done!"

The Seeker stepped closer to the circle of black sand. "Why, only what you wanted, Master Rahl," he said innocently. "I have told you what you wanted to hear."

"But it was the truth! You told the words true!"

Richard nodded. "Yes, I did. I just didn't tell you all of them. I left out most of the paragraph at the end. Be cautioned. The effect of the boxes is fluid. It shifts with the intent. To be Master of all, so you may help others, shift one box to the right. To be Master of all, so all will do your bidding, shift one box to the left. Rule as you have chosen. Your information was correct; the box with two shadows was the one that would kill you."

"But you had to do as I said! You were touched by a Confessor's power!"

Richard smiled. "Was I? Wizard's First Rule. It's the first rule because it's the most important. You should have guarded better against it. That's the price of arrogance. I accept my vulnerability, you don't.

"I didn't like the choices you gave me. I couldn't win by your rules, so I made some new ones. The book said you had to confirm the truth with the use of a Confessor. You only thought you had done that. Wizard's First Rule. You believed because you wanted to. I have beaten you."

"It can't be! It's not possible! How could you have known how to do this!"

"You taught me: nothing, including magic, is one-dimensional. Look at the whole, you said; nothing that exists has only one side. Look at the whole." Richard shook his head slowly. "You should never have taught me something you didn't want me to know. Once you teach me something, it's mine to use. Thank you, Father Rahl, for teaching me the most important thing I will ever learn� how to love Kahlan."

Darken Rahl's face distorted in pain. He laughed and screamed.

Richard looked around. "Where's Kahlan?"

Zedd pointed a long finger. "I saw her leave that way."

Richard slid the sword back into its scabbard as he turned his eyes to the figure held in the shadows and light. "Good-bye, Father Rahl. I trust you will die without my watching it."

It gets dumber than "I am immune to love because of love", though.

quote:

"Zeddicus Zu'l Zorander, you have won this much of it, but maybe not all of it."

"Arrogant to the end?"

Rahl smiled. "Tell me who he is."

Zedd shrugged. "The Seeker."

Rahl laughed, struggling in pain. The blue-eyed gaze came back to Zedd. "He is your son, isn't he? I have at least been defeated by wizard blood. You are his father."

Zedd shook his head slowly, a wistful smile coming to his lips. "He is my grandson."

"You lie! Why put a web around him, hide his father's identity, if it is not you!"

"I put a web around him because I did not want him to know who the blue-eyed bastard was who raped his mother and gave him life."

Darken Rahl's eyes widened. "Your daughter was killed. My father told me so."

"A little trick, to keep her safe." Zedd's expression darkened. "Though you didn't know who she was, you hurt her. Without intending it, you also gave her happiness. You gave her Richard."

"I am his father?" Rahl whispered.

"When you raped my daughter, I knew I couldn't harm you, and my first thought was to comfort her, protect her, so I took her to Westland. She met a young man, a man widowed with a baby son. George Cypher was a good, kind man; I was proud to have him as my daughter's husband. George loved Richard as his own, but he knew the truth, except about me, who I was; that was hidden by the web.

"I could have hated Richard for his father's crimes, but chose instead to love him for himself. He turned out to be quite a man, don't you think? You have been defeated by the heir you wanted. An heir born with the gift. That is rare. Richard is the true Seeker. From the Rahl blood, he has the rage of the anger, the capacity for violence. But it's balanced with Zorander blood, the capacity for love, understanding, and forgiveness."

Darken Rahl shimmered in the shadows of the magic of Orden. He twisted in pain as he became transparent as smoke. "To think, the Zorander and Rahl bloodlines, joined in one. Yet he is still my heir. In a way," he managed, "I have won."

Thaaaaaaaat's right, everyone. If you didn't click that hint I left at the end of last post, here it is again.

He's not Dick Cypher.

He's Rick Rahl.

# ? Nov 27, 2014 00:15

Masonity: Dec 31, 2007; What, I wonder, does this hidden face of madness reveal of the makers? These K'Chain Che'Malle?

Dual wielding? Someone's into double painetration.

# ? Nov 27, 2014 00:16

theshim: May 1, 2012; You think you can defeat ME, Ephraimcopter?!?

You couldn't even beat Assassincopter!!!

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

Thaaaaaaaat's right, everyone. If you didn't click that hint I left at the end of last post, here it is again.

He's not Dick Cypher.

He's Rick Rahl.

On behalf of everyone reading this thread:

:vince:

# ? Nov 27, 2014 00:44

DrPossum: May 15, 2004; i am not a surgeon

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

He's Rick Rahl.

thank you DDP, this was awesome

edit: no wait! there's still one more chapter, right?! hero gets the girl :wiggle:

finally got game, ricky? :f5h:

DrPossum fucked around with this message at 01:04 on Nov 27, 2014

# ? Nov 27, 2014 00:53

I Love You!: Dec 6, 2002

It's me, Austin

# ? Nov 27, 2014 00:54

Otherkinsey Scale: Jul 17, 2012; Just a little bit of sunshine!

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

Thaaaaaaaat's right, everyone. If you didn't click that hint I left at the end of last post, here it is again.

He's not Dick Cypher.

He's Rick Rahl.

Oh god drat it.

# ? Nov 27, 2014 00:59

Hodgepodge: Jan 29, 2006; Can't post for 207 days!

Note that in the show, Darken is Richard's uncle or something.

Also, Richard's mother is never named. Despite being a primary relative of two main characters, she was merely the first soil in which the wondrous Rahl seed sprouted, I guess.

# ? Nov 27, 2014 01:26

Karatela: Sep 11, 2001; Clickzorz!!!; Grimey Drawer

theshim posted:

On behalf of everyone reading this thread:

I'm glad the last decade dulled the memory of this poo poo away to "That's the lovely book with the rape, right?", because it means that we have reached the peak, right here, and I could enjoy it.

DDP, I am so, so sorry for your psychiatrist bills.

# ? Nov 27, 2014 01:57

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

I've been waiting the entire novel to use that one stupid loving pun, by the way.

# ? Nov 27, 2014 02:09

Hodgepodge: Jan 29, 2006; Can't post for 207 days!

Terry Goodkind, retroactively to be credited with the world's first Rick Roll.

# ? Nov 27, 2014 02:15

Bucnasti: Aug 14, 2012; I'll Fetch My Sarcasm Robes

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

He's Rick Rahl.

This whole thread was just a setup for that one line wasn't it. Well played sir. Well Played.

# ? Nov 27, 2014 02:18

alarumklok: Jun 30, 2012

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

He's not Dick Cypher.

He's Rick Rahl.

I understand now how you had the fortitude to wade through so much poo poo.

# ? Nov 27, 2014 02:25

Stallion Cabana: Feb 14, 2012; 1; Get into Grad School

2; Become better at playing Tabletop, both as a player and as a GM/ST/W/E

~~3; Get rid of this goddamn avatar.~~

I vaguely remembered this twist but for some reason thought they were brothers.

# ? Nov 27, 2014 02:28

Domus: May 7, 2007; Kidney Buddies

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

I've been waiting the entire novel to use that one stupid loving pun, by the way.

Well played indeed!

You know what bothers me more than the pain-rape-stick, more than the stupid "Magic has two sides" bullshit Richard pulls out of his rear end? That his characters use the insanely cliche "mistress" and "my son" to address people. I hope this book was written before the 70's, because drat is that poo poo old. That's fan-fiction level writing right there.

# ? Nov 27, 2014 02:31

Libertad!: Oct 30, 2013; You can have the last word, but I'll have the last laugh!

Domus posted:

Well played indeed!

You know what bothers me more than the pain-rape-stick, more than the stupid "Magic has two sides" bullshit Richard pulls out of his rear end? That his characters use the insanely cliche "mistress" and "my son" to address people. I hope this book was written before the 70's, because drat is that poo poo old. That's fan-fiction level writing right there.

First book published in 1994. The final book, Confessor, was published in 2007.

I still find it hilarious that the book's title is mage-speak for "people are stupid." It's surprisingly indicative of the story's characters.

# ? Nov 27, 2014 02:32

Libluini: May 18, 2012; I gravitated towards the Greens, eventually even joining the party itself.

The Linke is a party I grudgingly accept exists, but I've learned enough about DDR-history I can't bring myself to trust a party that was once the SED, a party leading the corrupt state apparatus ...; Grimey Drawer

So, the stupid reveal is finally over. Good god, I can't count the times I've been close to accidentally posting a spoiler because my faulty memories had repressed everything about Richard Rahl being called "Cypher" back in book 1. Every goddamn time I had to stop myself "Nope, we still haven't reached that point yet, we're still pretending his name is Cypher."

And if you guys think that thing about Richard being immune to a confessor because of love was stupid, you're in for a hell of a ride when the future books roll around.

# ? Nov 27, 2014 02:34

Hyper Crab Tank: Feb 10, 2014; The 16-bit retro-future of crustacean-based transportation

You know what? I just can't get over how bland and stupid this book is, and I'm not even talking about the stupid objectivism or the stupid pain dildo dominatrices, or the stupid characterizations or any of that. It's how flat the writing is. You can't even look at this and go "Wow, this has some really awful, rapey poo poo in it, but at least it's well written and exciting!"

For instance, look at Zedd's little exposition about the building there.

quote:

"Two ways. First, the People's Palace is built on a pattern I recognize, the pattern of a magic spell. The entire palace is one giant spell drawn on the face of the ground. It's a power spell, meant to protect Darken Rahl, keep him safe here, amplify his power. It's a spell drawn to protect him from other wizards. I have very little power here. I am next to helpless. The core of it is a place called the Garden of Life. Darken Rahl will be there."

It's just a list of statements. There's no tension, or really any explanation... Zedd just states facts for a paragraph, and in short, stunted sentences too. Then:

quote:

Kahlan's eyes went wide in horror as she backed away. The power of the Con Dar faltered, and extinguished. She screamed in anguish at what she had done. [...] Zedd brought his hands up, but there was no power left. Nothing happened. He ran for them, but before he could take two steps, he hit an invisible wall.

It's as if this entire scene was written by some guy sitting in a corner of the room, dutifully recording everything that happens in a little protocol. It's the driest, blandest writing I've ever seen, and this is ostensibly supposed to be the climax of the book?

E: Oh, by the way, what the hell is up with this?

quote:

Be cautioned. The effect of the boxes is fluid. It shifts with the intent. To be Master of all, so you may help others, shift one box to the right. To be Master of all, so all will do your bidding, shift one box to the left. Rule as you have chosen.

This doesn't read like ancient prophecy governing fantastic cosmic power from the underworld, it sounds like instructions for a kitchen appliance or something. Not to mention it's another idiotic "Gotcha!" trap in an already ludicrously designed procedure. Goddamnit.

Hyper Crab Tank fucked around with this message at 03:31 on Nov 27, 2014

# ? Nov 27, 2014 03:27

Zereth: Jul 9, 2003

So Dick Rahl is the grandson (great grandson?) of Penis Rahl. :dong:

# ? Nov 27, 2014 03:59

Nihilarian: Oct 2, 2013

Stallion Cabana posted:

I vaguely remembered this twist but for some reason thought they were brothers.

I wanna say they changed the relationship in the show so that they were brothers.

# ? Nov 27, 2014 04:23

That Old Tree: Jun 24, 2012; nah

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

I've been waiting the entire novel to use that one stupid loving pun, by the way.

This makes me glad.

Thanks for doing this! I hope you continue to torture yourself for our enjoyment.

# ? Nov 27, 2014 04:54

ConfusedUs: Feb 24, 2004; Bees?
You want fucking bees?
Here you go!
ROLL INITIATIVE!!

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

I've been waiting the entire novel to use that one stupid loving pun, by the way.

It was worth it. I laughed.

# ? Nov 27, 2014 05:04

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 2, 2024 09:12

Domus: May 7, 2007; Kidney Buddies

Wait, wait, I just noticed something else:

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

"Don't hurt Mistress Kahlan," Richard cried. "Please."

"If you do as I say, I will do as I promised, and she will be treated well. I may even turn you into something pleasant, something you would like to be, maybe a lapdog. I may even let you sleep in our bedchamber so you might see that I keep my word. Maybe I will even name my son in honor of you, for helping me. Would you like that? Richard Rahl. Sort of ironic, don't you think."

So he's saying he's going to sleep with Kahlan. The Confessor. You know, who can't loving touch anybody or they become her slave. Keep track of your own rules, book!

Also, isn't Richard going to be eaten in 6 days by a dragon?

# ? Nov 27, 2014 05:10

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > Let's Read the Sword of Truth books! (Or not. Can we not?)

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