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TOILETLORD posted:wait i'm just checking everyone knows i made that poo poo up about vader right? The EU is so dumb that poo poo sounded plausible. Even if you think you made it up it still probably happened.
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Dec 4, 2014 07:01
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Woolie Wool posted:I wonder if that ridiculous stereotypical drug dealer with the stupid name from Episode II has an EU backstory. he completely rethought his life and then did the exact same thing
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Dec 4, 2014 07:02
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What? You expect Star Wars to actually stick to its own plot progression and not endlessly rehash the same plot over and over again? Surely you jest. There's going to be wars between the heroic Jedi and space democracy with X-Wings one one side and the evil Dark Side empire of doom with TIE Fighters on the other until the heat death of the Star Wars universe. They won't let any of the main characters retire, nothing ever gets better, the war never ends, it's the same. loving. story over and over and over and over again. Even the Usury Bong were just a substitute empire to drop into the basic Star Wars structure. E: the galaxy is Somalia and the New Republic is the Transitional Federal Government. Woolie Wool fucked around with this message at 07:16 on Dec 4, 2014 |
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Dec 4, 2014 07:12
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Woolie Wool posted:I wonder if that ridiculous stereotypical drug dealer with the stupid name from Episode II has an EU backstory. Holy poo poo, I was literally going to mention sleazebaggano after i read otisburg's post  is this...is this what it's like to meet your soulmate?
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Dec 4, 2014 07:15
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Sleazebaggano is my go-to example for terrible George Lucas characters. The guy comes out of nowhere and is an irredeemably obnoxious waste of screen time who serves no purpose in the movie whatsoever while playing to a bunch of tired '80s stereotypes.
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Dec 4, 2014 07:17
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Woolie Wool posted:What? You expect Star Wars to actually stick to its own plot progression and not endlessly rehash the same plot over and over again? Surely you jest. There's going to be wars between the heroic Jedi and space democracy with X-Wings one one side and the evil Dark Side empire of doom with TIE Fighters on the other until the heat death of the Star Wars universe. They won't let any of the main characters retire, nothing ever gets better, the war never ends, it's the same. loving. story over and over and over and over again. Even the Usury Bong were just a substitute empire to drop into the basic Star Wars structure. can someone explain the u-tsang vong for me or whatever the gently caress they're called because they seem really stupid and nobody has really gone into why
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Dec 4, 2014 07:21
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Sleazebaggano jesus christ what is wrong with george lucas, he is a grown rear end man.
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Dec 4, 2014 07:28
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ThePutty posted:can someone explain the u-tsang vong for me or whatever the gently caress they're called because they seem really stupid and nobody has really gone into why imagine aliens so evil that they're not even dark side, they're anti-the force and they're so mysterious that they're not just from a remote planet, they're from a different galaxy entirely also they all look like extras from one of the hellraiser sequels oh and their ships are made of skin or something??
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Dec 4, 2014 07:29
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They're these aliens who come from beyond the galaxy and are super into body modification so they cut their noses and lips off and stick pieces of metal inside themselves and replace body parts with weapons and stupid poo poo. They don't believe in technology because of their stupid loving religion so all their poo poo is alive and they especially hate droids. They're also not part of the Force and hate Jedi because of some stupid backstory poo poo that I don't care about. They infiltrate the galaxy and cause a bunch of chaos, kill Chewbacca, and use Luddite terrorists to advance their goals, but this is only a prelude to when they invade the galaxy with a giant fleet of coral reefs that shoot lava (I'm not kidding) to conquer the galaxy and enslave all other species because reasons. They turn Coruscant into a jungle and nearly conquer the entire galaxy despite not being all that numerous or powerful because the New Republic is completely useless. Then a bunch of poo poo happens with a living planet and their hidden supreme leader who is actually a Dark Jedi Vong who's a member of the Vong equivalent of untouchables but rules the whole species behind the scenes anyway and geriatric Luke Skywalker kills him and the Vong sign a peace treaty and the New Republic becomes the Galactic Federation of Free Alliances (geddit) and everyone lived happily The New Jedi Order is terrible, don't read it.
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Dec 4, 2014 07:29
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Dec 4, 2014 07:31
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Cut your lips off because dry mouth and tooth decay are awesome. They must have the most hilarious accents after they mutilate the parts of their faces needed to articulate speech. E: They also gave Mara Jade a uterus infection because they're evil. I don't remember it actually really do anything but make her sit around moping about her uterus. Woolie Wool fucked around with this message at 07:34 on Dec 4, 2014 |
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Dec 4, 2014 07:32
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ThePutty posted:can someone explain the u-tsang vong for me or whatever the gently caress they're called because they seem really stupid and nobody has really gone into why They basically prove that the Force, instead of being a unifying, uh, force, of the universe is instead just an artifact of that galaxy. The Vong are from outside the Galaxy so they aren't affected by the Force. They also think non living machines are evil and use nothing but biological things which would be okay, I guess, if it wasn't so stupid. Also they torture the gently caress out of each other and everyone else to the point that it was ridiculous torture porn. I'm vaguely remembering like three books here because I gave up not far into the Vong invasion due to the fax tat the only way to keep up with the plot was to follow a bunch of characters I didn't give a poo poo about.
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Dec 4, 2014 07:32
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i still have no idea what the gently caress they are and i've just had it explained starwarsEU.txt
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Dec 4, 2014 07:35
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They're space ISIS but with S&M.
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Dec 4, 2014 07:36
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but if the good guys won and nothing changed why did they even bother writing a story about them what's the point of the EU if there's no consequences at all ever
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Dec 4, 2014 07:37
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To tell the same story over and over and over to succeeding generations of 12-year-old boys who will realize within a few years what a loving abomination the whole thing is and move on to books that aren't terrible. Rinse and repeat. The horrible rat king of continuity is for the sort of manchildren that are the cause for continuity in comic books. E: Come to think of it Star Wars books are a lot like superhero comics without the pictures. Woolie Wool fucked around with this message at 07:42 on Dec 4, 2014 |
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Dec 4, 2014 07:38
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did anyone ever write a story about luke skywalker or han kickin the bucket? like, the balls on that guy im just kidding lucas would never ever put a main character in mortal danger, qui-gon was the closest he got and he only put that dude in one movie.
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Dec 4, 2014 07:44
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According to the wiki Luke Skywalker is still doing adventure stuff at age 64. He should be full-time in a zimmer frame by now. E: And Han Solo is 74 for Christ's sake. Woolie Wool fucked around with this message at 07:53 on Dec 4, 2014 |
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Dec 4, 2014 07:51
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Well, if they're really interested in looping the story, Luke should turn to the Dark Side (again) and become the new Emperor, since he can do ridic poo poo with the Force. Han Solo's melted candle face can be Admiral Akbar.
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Dec 4, 2014 08:04
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Leia can be Yoda. I haven't read much EU and certainly not in the last 20+ years, but I'm sure she's a loving Jedi master, too.
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Dec 4, 2014 08:06
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i hope the new movies rewrite starts with chewie dropping a cinder block on hans foot so everyone knows why harrison ford is limping.
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Dec 4, 2014 08:06
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Han's Alzheimer's leads to a tragic lightsaber accident. "AAAAAAH GREEDO ON MY FOOT"
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Dec 4, 2014 08:08
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no re create the accident han and chewie are fleeing from a group of storm trooper and a door closes on his foot.
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Dec 4, 2014 08:09
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Then Han limps home to his space apartment and Carrie Fisher is leaning against the hearth trying to be sexy in the Jabba slave outfit. All across America, shocked and unexpectedly erect nerds drown in movie theaters filled to the ceiling with vomit.
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Dec 4, 2014 08:11
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Solid Poopsnake posted:Then Han limps home to his space apartment and Carrie Fisher is leaning against the hearth trying to be sexy in the Jabba slave outfit. All across America, shocked and unexpectedly erect nerds drown in movie theaters filled to the ceiling with vomit. have you seen carrie fisher lately? spoiler alert: would
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Dec 4, 2014 08:15
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shiksa posted:have you seen carrie fisher lately? I actually have not. I assumed she was doughy and sagsville. Okay I looked and while that's not true, she looks like Kurt Sutter.
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Dec 4, 2014 08:21
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shiksa posted:did anyone ever write a story about luke skywalker or han kickin the bucket? Lucas won't allow any of the big 3 characters to be killed in a book. Which theoretically means without Disney stepping in Luke could still be doing poo poo at 245
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Dec 4, 2014 08:26
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Sombrerotron posted:I forget, what happened if you picked the/a neutral option? "Good" is giving him credits and "Bad" is choosing to not give him credits. The only way to pick a neutral option would have to be to show up without any credits on you at all, because otherwise you're stuck with two KOTOR options. I've never done that, because I've never had 0 credits in that scene (the guy only asks for 5). The chats are similar and instead of making him a target, you make him angry so he goes and beats up somebody else. Whatever it is, the lesson is that Kreia is lying, and the black-and-white morality system of KOTOR I was stupid.
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Dec 4, 2014 08:53
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TOILETLORD posted:wait i'm just checking everyone knows i made that poo poo up about vader right? The EU is so dumb that poo poo sounded plausible. I believed it and the vast majority of knowledge I've retained as an adult is Star Wars facts I engorged on as a lonely child
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Dec 4, 2014 09:20
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shiksa posted:Sleazebaggano Lol at the people who think "darth icky" and "darth insanius" were masterful owns by Lucas on the nerds who made force unleashed and not actual things from a guy who turned alien aunt jamima into a galactic senator
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Dec 4, 2014 09:27
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Woolie Wool posted:I wonder if that ridiculous stereotypical drug dealer with the stupid name from Episode II has an EU backstory. I'd roleplay a sarcastic tweaker jedi
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Dec 4, 2014 09:30
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meesa propose a vote of no confidence
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Dec 4, 2014 10:28
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platedlizard posted:They basically prove that the Force, instead of being a unifying, uh, force, of the universe is instead just an artifact of that galaxy. The Vong are from outside the Galaxy so they aren't affected by the Force. They also think non living machines are evil and use nothing but biological things which would be okay, I guess, if it wasn't so stupid. Also they torture the gently caress out of each other and everyone else to the point that it was ridiculous torture porn. I'm vaguely remembering like three books here because I gave up not far into the Vong invasion due to the fax tat the only way to keep up with the plot was to follow a bunch of characters I didn't give a poo poo about. My Q-Face posted:"Good" is giving him credits and "Bad" is choosing to not give him credits. The only way to pick a neutral option would have to be to show up without any credits on you at all, because otherwise you're stuck with two KOTOR options. I've never done that, because I've never had 0 credits in that scene (the guy only asks for 5).
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Dec 4, 2014 10:29
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Sombrerotron posted:Guess not. What's Kreia specifically lying about in that instance, though? She's just telling you "have you even considered what might happen next you dimwit", isn't she? Yeah afaik either option just ends up with her going 'do you even consider the consequences of your actions or are you just farting around 24/7?' platedlizard posted:They basically prove that the Force, instead of being a unifying, uh, force, of the universe is instead just an artifact of that galaxy. The Vong are from outside the Galaxy so they aren't affected by the Force. yeah that was really strange and dumb imo. moreso because the jedi would go 'oh no we can't TK or force push them!' but dumbfucks why don't you just use the force to launch rocks at their heads at high speeds or make the ground under their feet explode you don't have to directly affect them with the force to hurt them
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Dec 4, 2014 10:35
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Sombrerotron posted:One of the more prominent characters of the Bounty Hunters trilogy is a genuine-article space spider sitting in a space web spun in the vacuum of space, which creates smaller and stupider spiders to perform very specific tasks, kind of like the societal setup of Brave New World, which are helpful to it in its job of being a galactic information broker. Eventually the smartest of the little spiders, called "Balancesheet" because it was made to be a little accountant, kills daddy/mommy/parent spider and takes over its job. It was actually a pretty cool trilogy,I loved that spider.
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Dec 4, 2014 11:26
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Mara Jade literally spends most of her time in Vector Prime moping about her infected uterus.
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Dec 4, 2014 15:30
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Did anyone here read the book where a thirty year old woman obsessed with a Ben Skywalker's dead cousin dressed up like a stripper and proceeded to molest Ben when he was 14 years old? While torturing his best friend to death in front of him? Yeah it was a Troy Denning book.
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Dec 4, 2014 15:47
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Woolie Wool posted:Mara Jade literally spends most of her time in Vector Prime moping about her infected uterus. Did the emperor give her a Sith yeast infection?
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Dec 4, 2014 15:48
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Arcsquad12 posted:Did anyone here read the book where a thirty year old woman obsessed with a Ben Skywalker's dead cousin dressed up like a stripper and proceeded to molest Ben when he was 14 years old? While torturing his best friend to death in front of him? Haha wtf
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Dec 4, 2014 15:57
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I read NJO when i was unemployed in 2009. I only read the hardcovers (which seem to cover major plots, the soft covers are just filler) because that's all the library had. I've never read it but I hear the following saga, Dark Nest, was worse. EDIT: Why look who wrote it quote:The Dark Nest Trilogy is a series of novels written by Troy Denning. They take place from 35-36 ABY. The novels detail how Luke Skywalker and his New Jedi Order confront the mysterious insectoid Killiks, who are a hive-minded species intent on conquering the galaxy. One sub-plot is the Skywalker family finding information on their ancestor, Padmé Amidala. Another sub-plot is the capture of Jaina Solo and Zekk and also features the birth of Allana, the daughter of Jacen Solo and Tenel Ka. It also shows Jacen's first abuses of power, that would later form the basis of the Legacy of the Force series. Bonzo fucked around with this message at 16:18 on Dec 4, 2014 |
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Dec 4, 2014 16:15
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