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Take the money, invest and forget about it. In thirty years when everyone's situation is different, you'll appreciate it.
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Nov 25, 2014 01:25
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When we were opening gifts we made sure no one but us saw the dollar amounts on checks to avoid stuff like that. The sum total of what we got monetarily in gifts is a number known only to me, my husband, and our financial institution. We just tucked it all away in an account to collect interest as a future house downpayment/rainy day fund.
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Nov 25, 2014 01:50
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Out of ~125 people at our wedding, 1 couple gave us only a card and 5 people gave nothing at all. Did you guys send thank you cards to people who didn't give gifts? I was also surprised that 3 people in our wedding party gave no card or gift at all, is that typical? I understand being in a wedding party is more costly then not, but it was a little insulting. Edit- should've picked my words better. I wouldn't say insulted, but I would never go to someone's wedding without so much as giving a card so I was surprised. The Shep fucked around with this message at 07:28 on Dec 10, 2014 |
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Dec 10, 2014 06:47
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Why is that insulting? None of my bridal party did either because they outlaid some costs (though I covered most of it) and they spent a lot of effort and time helping me and my husband with everything. I guess it can be something that just gets forgotten in the rush of things rather than purposeful but you sound kinda obnoxious about it. I would still send a card thanking them for coming if they travelled. If they didn't travel I probably wouldn't worry about it.
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Dec 10, 2014 06:53
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Cmdr. Shepard posted:Out of ~125 people at our wedding, 1 couple gave us only a card and 5 people gave nothing at all. Did you guys send thank you cards to people who didn't give gifts? I was also surprised that 3 people in our wedding party gave no card or gift at all, is that typical? I understand being in a wedding party is more costly then not, but it was a little insulting. Chill, give less of a gently caress about these things, and life will be happier. Be thankful for the gifts you receive rather than insulted (or annoyed, or whatever) by the absence of one. We had a bunch of people who attended our wedding who didn't give gifts, but so what? We invited them because we wanted them there. I did not send thank you cards to people who didn't give gifts, though I imagine I would have sent cards to anyone who had to travel or was in the wedding. I guess this is easy to say, though, when you have the opposite problem; we both get totally freaked out when people give us big gifts. We had one relative hand us $500 and we were begging them to take it back.
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Dec 10, 2014 07:48
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Probably 1/4 of my guests didn't bring gifts. I didn't send thank yous to those people. But I also didn't get mad about the lack of gifts. I invited them because I wanted them to come share the day with me, not because I wanted a gift. About half of my wedding party gave gifts because it was expensive enough for them to get the clothes and shoes and such. They're my best friends and I'm not going to hold it against them that they couldn't afford to get me something after being there on my most important day. Question for the other married goons, how long did it take you to get your photos/album? My wedding was Oct 25 and my photographer is saying he won't get our pictures to us until late January. He's emailed us a few (like 10) to try and pacify us but he says he won't be done "editing" or touching them up until later. It was also a huge struggle to get him to give us more than about 150 pics. He showed us over 300, and after we picked our favorite 250 or so he said we needed to select which 150 would go in the album and those 150 would also be the ones on the dvd we'll get. We asked him about the full 250 and he wants to charge us extra because he says he wouldn't feel comfortable giving us any photos he didn't "touch up" and it takes time for him to do that. Is this normal? It's really coming off to us like he's trying to give us as little as possible. And there was no timeframe on our contract. I want my pics now!
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Dec 10, 2014 14:57
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For some reason that reminds me of a photographer friend and his interaction with a model. The photography takes time in post (though October to January feels a little long to me) to clean things up in some instances... Photographer: "Can you take off that ring? It's a little distracting to the shot..." Model: "Can't you just remove in in Photoshop?" Photographer: "Yeah, or you can just, ya know, take it off." Edit: I read your post closer. That seems a little silly to me. If they're really that worried about his work being out there without touch up, then maybe allow them a disclaimer or something? Promise not to post them in huge public displays with their name all over it? Definitely a little bizarre. Scope out your contract again if all else fails. 19 o'clock fucked around with this message at 19:10 on Dec 10, 2014 |
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Dec 10, 2014 19:07
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Buggiezor posted:Question for the other married goons, how long did it take you to get your photos/album? My wedding was Oct 25 and my photographer is saying he won't get our pictures to us until late January. He's emailed us a few (like 10) to try and pacify us but he says he won't be done "editing" or touching them up until later. It was also a huge struggle to get him to give us more than about 150 pics. He showed us over 300, and after we picked our favorite 250 or so he said we needed to select which 150 would go in the album and those 150 would also be the ones on the dvd we'll get. We asked him about the full 250 and he wants to charge us extra because he says he wouldn't feel comfortable giving us any photos he didn't "touch up" and it takes time for him to do that. It does take time to edit photos, and you shouldn't expect unedited pics. Late January is pretty long, but the holidays could be a problem. 6-8 weeks is what I'd call a reasonable timeframe for a busy photographer. Your contract should have explicitly stated the number of photos you expected to receive to avoid this kind of problem.
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Dec 10, 2014 19:20
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We got married in late January and had our pictures mid-March, and that's including the whole month our photographer spent without internet or a decent computer in Africa doing a photo safari immediately after our wedding. October to January is stretching it a bit especially since that's not prime wedding season so he likely doesn't have a ton of other weddings to get through in addition to yours. Read your contract, most photographers have in their contract that they will get you your pictures within X number of days. If he's still within that all you can do is wait. Edit: just saw your contract doesn't have anything about a timeframe. That's real sketchy, my photographer gave us around 600 pictures. Photographers dicking you around afterwards isn't uncommon, unfortunately. One of my friends is getting ready to take her photographer to small claims court over something similar (he's trying to get them to pay an extra $500 to get their pictures, ANY pictures, and this was nowhere on their contract). As for gifts, chill out. Weddings are expensive to travel to/attend and no one is obligated to buy you a present. We invited 175 people, 100 attended, and I'd say only a 1/4 of the people attending brought a gift and about a dozen people who couldn't attend sent something. I wouldn't even know what to do with everything if every single person on our list got us a thing, and bitching at your friends/family for not getting you something is a real good way to ruin friendships and burn bridges. I didn't send thank yous to people who didn't give us gifts, mostly because my thank you card list was complied while opening presents and if we didn't get something from someone they simply weren't on my list. Most of our bridal party didn't get us presents which was totally acceptable because they had to spend more money than they'd probably spend on a gift traveling and buying clothes for our wedding. Problem! fucked around with this message at 00:47 on Dec 11, 2014 |
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Dec 11, 2014 00:43
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My fiancée and I were planning a wedding for summer 2016, but for a variety of personal reasons (it's not pregnancy) we want to get married now and then have the wedding serve as more of a party/celebration for friends and family who we would have had at our wedding anyways. For the marriage, we just want to get married in a courthouse, but I'm not sure how that works and I figured one of you goons have gone through this kind of thing. I'm in Pennsylvania and the state websites are not too helpful on that front. I see how we apply for a marriage license, but once we get copies of that, how do we go about actually getting married officially? Also, I'm taking her last name, but as a man, I don't think the provisions are there to make it straightforward like there are for women in similar situations. Have any men tried to do this? And is changing my last name going to be a huge pain in the rear end? It doesn't affect my decision, but I'd like to know what I'm getting in to.
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Dec 13, 2014 18:14
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Diabetes By Sundown posted:I'm in Pennsylvania and the state websites are not too helpful on that front. I see how we apply for a marriage license, but once we get copies of that, how do we go about actually getting married officially? Call the courthouse and you can set up an appointment to get married. Diabetes By Sundown posted:And is changing my last name going to be a huge pain in the rear end? Yes. It's not difficult, it's just a lot of steps and a lot of places where you have to show up in person and a lot of paperwork and you'll probably get some weird looks since you're taking her name and not vice versa. There's the obvious ones like the DMV, social security, your bank/credit cards, passport, etc then you start running into poo poo like frequent flyer mile accounts and store rewards cards and such that are just super tedious to change as you run into them. The biggest pain in the rear end was changing my name on my work email/phone because our IT department is staffed by morons, but YMMV.
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Dec 13, 2014 20:41
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Diabetes By Sundown posted:Also, I'm taking her last name, but as a man, I don't think the provisions are there to make it straightforward like there are for women in similar situations. Have any men tried to do this? Ha, that's awesome. I couldn't convince my husband to do exactly the same. We did like the double surname with no hyphen though, and for my surname to be the final one in the order so it's virtually the same thing. Means we both have to suffer with the paperwork. Having said that, it's been a year and neither of us have made a single move to change our names on anything so yeah. Maybe if/when we're pregnant 
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Dec 13, 2014 21:28
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:Call the courthouse and you can set up an appointment to get married. Even better, in PA you can do a self-uniting marriage where you just show up to the local clerk, get the license and fees, sign on the dotted line, submit it to the county, and bingo. No judge or anything, just two witnesses. My wife and I did it that way, although we signed the license at the ceremony. It basically allowed us to forgo having to get a licensed officiant and instead use a family friend. Thanks Quakers!
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Dec 13, 2014 21:54
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My fiance and I are ditching the 175-person party and going for a 25-person fancy dinner reception + awesome honeymoon. Wedding planning is suddenly fun and non-terrible!
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Dec 29, 2014 23:10
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I hate to ask this, but what do I do if I don't like my engagement ring? I told him not to spend a ton of money and I knew I wasn't getting a real stone, but the stone he went with is way too large and it looks tacky. Should I be honest or just roll with it?
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Dec 31, 2014 00:56
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I don't think there's one right answer to your question. There are probably cultural norms around gift giving and marriage that might influence what you choose to do. If I were in your shoes, I would think it makes sense to be honest with my partner and tell him that the ring isn't right for me. Why start off this new chapter of my life feeling like I can't be myself, or say what I think? Why wear a representation of our relationship that doesn't feel right to me? On the other hand, my relationship isn't summed up by some melted metal with stones sticking in it; it doesn't matter to me what the ring looks like at all. Maybe I know my partner and it's not worth hurting his feelings to get a ring I "want." You could weigh both sides of things, but ultimately, I think it makes sense to do what feels right to YOU in the context of YOUR marriage.
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Dec 31, 2014 04:27
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testifeye posted:I don't think there's one right answer to your question. There are probably cultural norms around gift giving and marriage that might influence what you choose to do. I have given it some more thought, and I realized that I am just happy that we are getting married, and I think my admission would hurt his feelings, and I don't want that.
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Dec 31, 2014 05:10
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Less than 4 months to go. We are just barely in budget without including tax returns and a stipend from my fiances work. Getting amped
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Dec 31, 2014 05:13
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Oh man, I have so much time. *looks at calendar* *counts days* AAAAAAAAAAAH less than two months to go, what do I do?! Seriously though, all the vendors are picked so I feel there is a lot of hurry up and wait going on.
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Dec 31, 2014 05:30
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... I'm getting married in 4 days... gah
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Dec 31, 2014 06:35
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remigious posted:I have given it some more thought, and I realized that I am just happy that we are getting married, and I think my admission would hurt his feelings, and I don't want that. My husband has given me two rings (though not an engagement ring, I'm the one who proposed) and while neither of them are my style, I still wear them often and they've grown on me a lot. If he didn't get a wedding band along with it, perhaps you could look into a band that's more your thing? Personally, my husband and I just got whatever we wanted for our wedding rings. Mine is a custom ring remade from my grandmother's wedding set - it's completely unique, I love it, and it was surprisingly affordable. My husband's wearing the One Ring. Very romantic!
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Dec 31, 2014 17:29
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I just ordered the invitations to our engagement party and the matching thank you notes, my fiance and I also agreed on a date for us to head down to City Hall and get married, so in less than 12 hours I can say we're officially getting married "this year". We probably won't have a reception until mid-2016, maybe we'll turn it into an anniversary party/vow renewal on the one year so at least there's some semblance of connection, but I am just too excited that we agreed on this and are actually moving forward with planning. We're both sad, only because we can't have our kitten be our flower girl, but I'm sure we'll survive :Premigious posted:I have given it some more thought, and I realized that I am just happy that we are getting married, and I think my admission would hurt his feelings, and I don't want that. I'm happy for you. When I first saw my ring I was surprised, only because it was pretty much the opposite of what I'd said I wanted for the longest time (I hate yellow gold and wanted not-a-diamond). He didn't think to consult my Pinterest board (that he knew about because I mentioned it every so often as a reminder) or best friend (who would have pointed him towards my Pinterest board with examples of rings I loved, all under $1k), he went on his own and picked out something he liked and after wearing it I am so in love with my ring because I am so in love with the man who gave it to me. It's not necessarily my style, but I've been trying to expand my horizons and now I honestly like yellow gold and am looking forward to picking out a yellow gold band to match it when the time comes. I haven't told a single soul IRL about my thoughts immediately upon seeing the ring, though, that's going to stay between me and the part of the internet he doesn't really read (ie not on Reddit because we know each other's main accounts there). Speaking of Reddit, whenever I think about that inkling of disappointment I had when I first saw the ring (and subsequent guilt because I love it now), I read this post. I showed my fiance this post when I read it and we both just said "How...I don't even...Why". The problem is OP disappeared and didn't say if there was a story or if he was being passive aggressive or what.
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Dec 31, 2014 18:28
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Holy poo poo, the ring from that reddit post is hideous. My man and I spoke last night, and it turns out his plan was to buy fancy wedding bands instead of blowing his wad on the engagement ring, and we are going to shop for those together.
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Dec 31, 2014 18:49
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I loving hate buzzfeed but http://www.buzzfeed.com/krystieyandoli/after-her-fiance-left-her-at-the-altar-this-bride-took-the-w#.euAJyomQWa this owns
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Dec 31, 2014 19:20
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remigious posted:Holy poo poo, the ring from that reddit post is hideous. My man and I spoke last night, and it turns out his plan was to buy fancy wedding bands instead of blowing his wad on the engagement ring, and we are going to shop for those together. Yeah, I do love how diplomatic everyone in that post was, but it was just awful and if that's not a troll bait post I feel terrible for that poor woman. The best part was the comment where someone looked up "~unique~" rings, some of the ones they posted were also terrible but super interesting too.
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Jan 1, 2015 16:04
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Well it's 2015, which means it's officially the year we are getting married! Everything has gone according to plan EXCEPT the hotel we were going to get a block of rooms at which is 1 mile from where we are getting married has been "temporarily" closed for about 4 months now. I hope they open up soon, there is nowhere else near the venue with enough rooms for all the guests, which means if they don't open back up soon everyone will have to drive 45 minutes down the hill in to town, the very thing I was trying to avoid in the first place. :-/
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Jan 2, 2015 16:29
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Porkchop Express posted:I hope they open up soon, there is nowhere else near the venue with enough rooms for all the guests, which means if they don't open back up soon everyone will have to drive 45 minutes down the hill in to town, the very thing I was trying to avoid in the first place. :-/ As a backup plan you could look into providing a shuttle service. We had a remote reception and ceremony but hired a school bus for the afternoon and evening. Not sure where you're at or how many people would be using it but it's possible to do something like that for between $200-1000 depending on the number of guests and the level of luxury you're looking for. On the low end you can rent a passenger van and hire someone you know (non guest) to drive.
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Jan 2, 2015 17:09
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LogisticEarth posted:As a backup plan you could look into providing a shuttle service. We had a remote reception and ceremony but hired a school bus for the afternoon and evening. Not sure where you're at or how many people would be using it but it's possible to do something like that for between $200-1000 depending on the number of guests and the level of luxury you're looking for.
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Jan 2, 2015 17:54
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LogisticEarth posted:As a backup plan you could look into providing a shuttle service. We had a remote reception and ceremony but hired a school bus for the afternoon and evening. Not sure where you're at or how many people would be using it but it's possible to do something like that for between $200-1000 depending on the number of guests and the level of luxury you're looking for. I had thought about it, but for the number of people we have we need a bus, which gives me the options of a charter bus or a school bus. My girlfriend doesn't like the school bus idea and charter buses might be too expensive, but I still need to price it out.
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Jan 2, 2015 19:25
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Regardless of the reception location if it's not a walkable distance from where the majority of the guests are staying you should always have a plan for shuttling drunk people back to their hotel. We had the local cab company's number handy as well as a handful of people who volunteered to DD plus a spare room at the inn on site for people who needed somewhere to hang out to sober up. You say you have enough people to need a bus, but in reality are ALL of your guests going to get so hammered they can't drive, and are none of them going to volunteer to DD or only have one or two drinks and be sober by the time they need to go home? And then they'll all want to leave at precisely the same time? A large passenger van doing a couple trips might be sufficient. In other news we just got word that our wedding is going to be featured as a Real Wedding on The Knot sometime in late February. Not bad for planning it all 100% myself long distance without ever having been involved in wedding planning before!
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Jan 2, 2015 20:20
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Well the original plan was to shuttle people the mile down the road with either designated drivers or talking the hotel in to using their shuttle bus, it's an Indian casino and I have heard you could usually talk them in to using it for a small fee, but that idea is out the window if they don't open up soon.
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Jan 3, 2015 01:54
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I thought I'd offer a tip that not everyone thinks of: Bring food to the park. A lot of times in the morning, people are too nervous to eat, or don't want to get anything on their dresses, so they'll skip breakfast. Even some quick sandwiches can make a world of difference. Otherwise, you can have people who are a little cranky during the park pictures, or even so hungry they stop for fast food and don't enjoy the awesome reception meal. It's a super quick thing, but it can make a lot of difference.
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Jan 3, 2015 02:06
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Writer Cath posted:I thought I'd offer a tip that not everyone thinks of: Truth. When I perform weddings I'm the first to arrive and last to leave. I always make sure to snag a solid lunch before kicking the day off. I pack a "go bag" with things I may need during the day and for others, too. Deodorant, sunblock, cologne, toothbrush/toothpaste, clothing bits, and of course food. Usually it's a couple granola bars but man, sometimes I start to fade after setup is finished and dinner is a ways off. Edit: Gum, too, especially. People come up and ask for things like this all the time during the reception. 19 o'clock fucked around with this message at 11:03 on Jan 3, 2015 |
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Jan 3, 2015 11:00
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So I was going to post in this thread a few months ago when trying to figure out when to propose, by my then-girlfriend/now-fiancée decided to talk about it for a while together and planned a romantic date where we both proposed to each other (and I got a sweet watch out of it too - all she got from me was some platinum/diamond thing that doesn't even tell what time it is!) The long and short of it is, we're getting married next December, just in time to have at least some of the holidays to ourselves and chill out for once. Anyway, we are both on the same page, more or less, about where to have the ceremony, where to have the reception, what kind of event for each, what colors, dress, etc. - but we're not sure about the time yet. On the one hand, a sunset or just before sunset ceremony followed by an evening reception has a definite appeal, because we want the reception to be "classy house party" in a Victorian house down the street from the church. On the other hand a morning or mid-day ceremony and afternoon reception would let us discreetly scoot off to a mountain resort that night, plus people might not have to spend two nights up there when coming from out of town (which is most of them). What are some other things we should be thinking about in this regard?
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Jan 3, 2015 15:22
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Where are you located? A sunset wedding in December in many locations will be cold as poo poo and will leave your guests trying to navigate to and from your reception location in the dark and on possibly icy roads. Plus you won't be able to do any outdoor pictures unless you do them all before the ceremony, then you run the risk of a windburned disheveled wedding party during the ceremony if it's windy out. (Source: I had an afternoon January wedding)
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Jan 3, 2015 17:09
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The reception venue is really close and in town, no worries about icy roads. But it will probably be very cold, since it will be in western MA and we are hoping for snow - my fiancée is from Florida and always dreamed about getting married in the snow. It will be cold either way, really. We'd both prefer a fall wedding but my sister is getting married in October and I don't want to have mine within two months of hers.
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Jan 3, 2015 17:54
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Apollodorus posted:The reception venue is really close and in town, no worries about icy roads. But it will probably be very cold, since it will be in western MA and we are hoping for snow - my fiancée is from Florida and always dreamed about getting married in the snow. It will be cold either way, really. It's always nice to have your engagement pictures be in a different season than your wedding ones. I'd go with a really nice fall engagement, so you get the benefit of both seasons. Outdoor wedding in December is super risky, especially if you've got grandparents, or older relatives. 19 o'clock posted:Truth. When I perform weddings I'm the first to arrive and last to leave. I always make sure to snag a solid lunch before kicking the day off. I pack a "go bag" with things I may need during the day and for others, too. Deodorant, sunblock, cologne, toothbrush/toothpaste, clothing bits, and of course food. Usually it's a couple granola bars but man, sometimes I start to fade after setup is finished and dinner is a ways off. I always have a tonne of mints on me; the grooms love it on the way to the ceremony and since they fade, there's no worry about disposing of it like gum.
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Jan 4, 2015 02:14
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Writer Cath posted:I always have a tonne of mints on me; the grooms love it on the way to the ceremony and since they fade, there's no worry about disposing of it like gum. Fellow vendor!? Any good war stories from the trenches?
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Jan 5, 2015 05:18
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Writer Cath posted:It's always nice to have your engagement pictures be in a different season than your wedding ones. I'd go with a really nice fall engagement, so you get the benefit of both seasons. We've already made it official and aren't planning to do any engagement pictures. We're actually not expecting to hire a professional photographer either, since each of has has two or three relatives who are amateur photographers that tend to take better shots than the professionals since they know most of the guests. But don't worry, we're definitely not doing it outside in December. People will just be able to drive 2 minutes from the church to the reception space, if they don't want a 10min walk.
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Jan 5, 2015 13:33
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| # ? May 10, 2024 14:13 |
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19 o'clock posted:Fellow vendor!? Any good war stories from the trenches? Here's a short one. Wedding Planner: Oh hey, since the groom's family is paying for everything, you don't need to take pictures of the bride's family. Me: 
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Jan 5, 2015 14:39
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