Lawyer & Law School Megathread #12: Started Out Barrister, Ended Up Barista

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Lawyer & Law School Megathread #12: Started Out Barrister, Ended Up Barista

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Soothing Vapors: Mar 26, 2006; Associate Justice Lena "Kegels" Dunham: An uncool thought to have: 'is that guy walking in the dark behind me a rapist? Never mind, he's Asian.

My secretary refers to my bourbon drawer as "the Friday Drawer." Little does she know it is also the Saturday through Thursday Drawer

# ? Dec 12, 2014 18:41

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# ? May 16, 2024 21:37

evilweasel: Aug 24, 2002

Folly posted:

Use "committee.." or "committee--" or whatever special character you choose like you use ss (whole word only) to change into the section symbol.

Edit: oh ya, now I remember. When it autocorrects and you don't want it to, I'm pretty sure you use ctrl+Y to set it back to normal and it won't try it again.

This requires me to memorize what even has an abbreviation, something I'm also not interested in doing :v:

# ? Dec 12, 2014 19:23

Mr. Nice!: Oct 13, 2005; c-spam cannot afford

Macs own for some things. alt+6 give you �

# ? Dec 12, 2014 19:49

evilweasel: Aug 24, 2002

Mr. Nice! posted:

Macs own for some things. alt+6 give you �

I just set shift-ctrl-s to give me that in Word, you can assign your own hotkeys.

# ? Dec 12, 2014 20:12

Phil Moscowitz: Feb 19, 2007; If blood be the price of admiralty,
Lord God, we ha' paid in full!

Mr. Nice! posted:

Macs own for some things. alt+6 give you �

Thanks, just switched to Mac a few moths ago and I've been using my old "sec " autocorrect.

# ? Dec 12, 2014 20:23

ActusRhesus: Sep 18, 2007; "Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."

In other legal news.

Never mind. Discretion prevailed. Nothing to see here.

ActusRhesus fucked around with this message at 20:54 on Dec 12, 2014

# ? Dec 12, 2014 20:37

Mr. Nice!: Oct 13, 2005; c-spam cannot afford

Phil Moscowitz posted:

Thanks, just switched to Mac a few moths ago and I've been using my old "sec " autocorrect.

There are tons of little features like that around. You can get almost every special character that way. Accenting letters and typing special characters are super easy in all contexts on osx.

# ? Dec 12, 2014 21:04

SlyFrog: May 16, 2007; What? One name? Who are you, Seal?

Mr. Nice! posted:

Macs own for some things. alt+6 give you �

alt-21 (21 on the keypad) gives you the same thing on Windows.

# ? Dec 12, 2014 21:58

WhiskeyJuvenile: Feb 15, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo

Folly posted:

Use "committee.." or "committee--" or whatever special character you choose like you use ss (whole word only) to change into the section symbol.

jesus, just type alt+0167 for �

alt+0182 for �

# ? Dec 12, 2014 22:38

WhiskeyJuvenile: Feb 15, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo

the uspto form paragraphs call it 35 USC 102, and I used to go through and change it to 35 U.S.C. � 102 and then I realized I don't give a gently caress :colbert:

# ? Dec 12, 2014 22:39

patentmagus: May 19, 2013

Roger_Mudd posted:

Find the way another case cites to your case.

In google scholar I click "How cited" and then randomly pick one of the citing cases. What makes my life sooooo difficult is having to use "paste special" to get rid of the hyperlink and then go back and add the italics.

ActusRhesus posted:

I also love when completely on point case-law is ignored, allowing me to write

"As this Court noted in State v. Blah blah blah, a case not cited in the defendant's brief..."

AR - credit yourself another 0.2hr for mentoring.

WhiskeyJuvenile posted:

the uspto form paragraphs call it 35 USC 102, and I used to go through and change it to 35 U.S.C. � 102 and then I realized I don't give a gently caress

Meanwhile, I go through and change "� 102" to "�102" because, I dunno :stare:

.

Hey - why are we getting calls about allowable subject matter and examiner amendments all of a sudden? I thought y'all's fiscal year end Sept. 30.

# ? Dec 12, 2014 23:20

Nitrousoxide: May 30, 2011; do not buy a oneplus phone

Is it weird that I'm enjoying being a team lead on a doc review project?

I mean, designing the QC searches is like the most enjoyment I've had in any legal job.

# ? Dec 12, 2014 23:24

Soothing Vapors: Mar 26, 2006; Associate Justice Lena "Kegels" Dunham: An uncool thought to have: 'is that guy walking in the dark behind me a rapist? Never mind, he's Asian.

pre:

Diagnostic criteria for 301.7 Antisocial Personality Disorder


A. There is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights
of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by the following: 

(1) failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as 
indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest;

(2) deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or 
conning others for personal profit or pleasure; and

(3) uttering the phrase, "designing the QC searches is like the most enjoyment 
I've had in any legal job."

# ? Dec 12, 2014 23:34

MoFauxHawk: Jan 1, 2007; Mickey Mouse copyright
Walt Gisnep

Omerta posted:

Currently working on an ERISA case. Probably my least favorite area of the law other than Title VII.

Easier just to write it out. Nobody cares if you write "publishing" instead of publ'g.

I save my shortcuts for form stuff: summjstandard, mtdstandard, 1331jx, 1332jx, and stuff like that makes it way faster to finish the procedural stuff than hunting through past orders.

I'm doing a lot of ERISA stuff at my job and ERISA sucks.

And regarding fantasy football, I finished the regular season with the second highest score in my league and still got bumped out of the playoffs, so no $1000 first prize for me. Next season I'm going to do an "All Play" league where you play every team each week. The matchup system is stupid. I never really liked the dynamic of the standard matchup system before, but this was enough to make me realize that it's dumb that I do it this way.

And the guy who didn't set his team, most leagues have their playoffs start in week 14. In a 12-team league, you usually have three weeks of playoffs (13, 14, and 16) with six teams making the playoffs.

# ? Dec 12, 2014 23:51

Jeb Bush 2012: Apr 4, 2007; A mathematician, like a painter or poet, is a maker of patterns. If his patterns are more permanent than theirs, it is because they are made with ideas.

Given how much you all seem to love formatting, you'd think lawyers would have started to learn LaTeX by now.

# ? Dec 13, 2014 00:07

LeschNyhan: Sep 2, 2006

You poor American suckers -- Canadians can pinpoint cite cases and legislation with 'para' and 's' for paragraph and section, and they even removed all the superfluous periods in the last round of amendments to the citation rules.

# ? Dec 13, 2014 00:11

ActusRhesus: Sep 18, 2007; "Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."

LeschNyhan posted:

You poor American suckers -- Canadians can pinpoint cite cases and legislation with 'para' and 's' for paragraph and section, and they even removed all the superfluous periods in the last round of amendments to the citation rules.

but you're still canadian.

overall, I win.

# ? Dec 13, 2014 00:14

Petey: Nov 26, 2005; For who knows what is good for a person in life, during the few and meaningless days they pass through like a shadow? Who can tell them what will happen under the sun after they are gone?

Jeb Bush 2012 posted:

Given how much you all seem to love formatting, you'd think lawyers would have started to learn LaTeX by now.

If the anal-retentive rule-driven types who go into law were capable of writing code, why wouldn't they just be programmers instead?

Petey fucked around with this message at 00:24 on Dec 13, 2014

# ? Dec 13, 2014 00:15

patentmagus: May 19, 2013

Petey posted:

If the anal-retentive rule-driven types who go into law were capable of writing code, why wouldn't they just be programmers instead?

Programmers are merely antisocial. Lawyers also have a cinder of hate consuming their souls. Even if you start out as a programmer you gravitate toward law as your soul is consumed.

# ? Dec 13, 2014 00:51

ActusRhesus: Sep 18, 2007; "Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."

patentmagus posted:

Programmers are merely antisocial. Lawyers also have a cinder of hate consuming their souls. Even if you start out as a programmer you gravitate toward law as your soul is consumed.

Shortly after I met my would-be husband, he told me that cynicism was the smoke rising from the ashes of burnt hopes and dreams. We started dating the next day. Soulmates. I'm surprised he's not going to law school.

# ? Dec 13, 2014 01:08

patentmagus: May 19, 2013

ActusRhesus posted:

Shortly after I met my would-be husband, he told me that cynicism was the smoke rising from the ashes of burnt hopes and dreams. We started dating the next day. Soulmates. I'm surprised he's not going to law school.

But did he have the cynicism to refer to marriage as a peculiar institution?

# ? Dec 13, 2014 01:32

ActusRhesus: Sep 18, 2007; "Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."

patentmagus posted:

But did he have the cynicism to refer to marriage as a peculiar institution?

not then. probably now.

# ? Dec 13, 2014 01:35

Residency Evil: Jul 28, 2003; 4/5 godo... Schumi

ActusRhesus posted:

Shortly after I met my would-be husband, he told me that cynicism was the smoke rising from the ashes of burnt hopes and dreams. We started dating the next day. Soulmates. I'm surprised he's not going to law school.

This explains so much about my life. Thank you.

# ? Dec 13, 2014 02:00

The Warszawa: Jun 6, 2005; Look at me. Look at me.

I am the captain now.

Things that are nice: when a partner suddenly starts spelling your name exactly right and then offers to help you out with a personal goal of yours.

Because it's 5 am and you're both working.

# ? Dec 13, 2014 02:18

Phil Moscowitz: Feb 19, 2007; If blood be the price of admiralty,
Lord God, we ha' paid in full!

The Senior Partner put his pencil down and looked up, and the Warszawa smiled.

"The S comes before the Z," said the Senior Partner, a playful glint in his eyes. He laughed, holding up the pad of yellow lined paper they'd been working on since midnight. Line after line, page after page, the young catamite's name scrawled again and again in graphite but every time spelled wrong...until now.

"I hear from the junior partners that you have personal goals," said the Senior Partner as he rolled his leather executive chair around the desk. The Partner's legs fit perfectly around the Warszawa's, two knobby sharkskin knees against the young man's Tom Ford-clad thighs. "Tell me about them."

The Warszawa licked his lips. This was as good a time as any, the sky outside the Senior Patner's windows a deep purple as the sun threatened to rise. The Warszawa slowly slipped to his knees and thought how far he'd come, how few others could say they'd seen their name spelled correctly on the Partner's pad.

"I do have a goal," he said, looking up into the Partner's face. "And that goal is yourggllmfffgglllllffff..."

# ? Dec 13, 2014 02:51

ActusRhesus: Sep 18, 2007; "Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."

Phil Moscowitz posted:

The Senior Partner put his pencil down and looked up, and the Warszawa smiled.

"The S comes before the Z," said the Senior Partner, a playful glint in his eyes. He laughed, holding up the pad of yellow lined paper they'd been working on since midnight. Line after line, page after page, the young catamite's name scrawled again and again in graphite but every time spelled wrong...until now.

"I hear from the junior partners that you have personal goals," said the Senior Partner as he rolled his leather executive chair around the desk. The Partner's legs fit perfectly around the Warszawa's, two knobby sharkskin knees against the young man's Tom Ford-clad thighs. "Tell me about them."

The Warszawa licked his lips. This was as good a time as any, the sky outside the Senior Patner's windows a deep purple as the sun threatened to rise. The Warszawa slowly slipped to his knees and thought how far he'd come, how few others could say they'd seen their name spelled correctly on the Partner's pad.

"I do have a goal," he said, looking up into the Partner's face. "And that goal is yourggllmfffgglllllffff..."

you owe me a new keyboard. That poo poo was gold.

# ? Dec 13, 2014 02:56

The Warszawa: Jun 6, 2005; Look at me. Look at me.

I am the captain now.

Phil Moscowitz posted:

The Senior Partner put his pencil down and looked up, and the Warszawa smiled.

"The S comes before the Z," said the Senior Partner, a playful glint in his eyes. He laughed, holding up the pad of yellow lined paper they'd been working on since midnight. Line after line, page after page, the young catamite's name scrawled again and again in graphite but every time spelled wrong...until now.

"I hear from the junior partners that you have personal goals," said the Senior Partner as he rolled his leather executive chair around the desk. The Partner's legs fit perfectly around the Warszawa's, two knobby sharkskin knees against the young man's Tom Ford-clad thighs. "Tell me about them."

The Warszawa licked his lips. This was as good a time as any, the sky outside the Senior Patner's windows a deep purple as the sun threatened to rise. The Warszawa slowly slipped to his knees and thought how far he'd come, how few others could say they'd seen their name spelled correctly on the Partner's pad.

"I do have a goal," he said, looking up into the Partner's face. "And that goal is yourggllmfffgglllllffff..."

the truth is somehow actually worse than this

# ? Dec 13, 2014 02:58

The Warszawa: Jun 6, 2005; Look at me. Look at me.

I am the captain now.

Also lol at the idea of the sun rising before 7am or my wrists opening to gush blood.

# ? Dec 13, 2014 03:00

Probad: Feb 24, 2013; I want to believe!

Phil Moscowitz posted:

The Senior Partner put his pencil down and looked up, and the Warszawa smiled.

"The S comes before the Z," said the Senior Partner, a playful glint in his eyes. He laughed, holding up the pad of yellow lined paper they'd been working on since midnight. Line after line, page after page, the young catamite's name scrawled again and again in graphite but every time spelled wrong...until now.

"I hear from the junior partners that you have personal goals," said the Senior Partner as he rolled his leather executive chair around the desk. The Partner's legs fit perfectly around the Warszawa's, two knobby sharkskin knees against the young man's Tom Ford-clad thighs. "Tell me about them."

The Warszawa licked his lips. This was as good a time as any, the sky outside the Senior Patner's windows a deep purple as the sun threatened to rise. The Warszawa slowly slipped to his knees and thought how far he'd come, how few others could say they'd seen their name spelled correctly on the Partner's pad.

"I do have a goal," he said, looking up into the Partner's face. "And that goal is yourggllmfffgglllllffff..."

This is excellent.

# ? Dec 13, 2014 03:18

The Warszawa: Jun 6, 2005; Look at me. Look at me.

I am the captain now.

God the use of the word catamite brings a single tear to my eye

# ? Dec 13, 2014 03:26

ActusRhesus: Sep 18, 2007; "Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."

You really should just quit law and start writing smut.

_{I'd read it.}

# ? Dec 13, 2014 03:30

sullat: Jan 9, 2012

ActusRhesus posted:

You really should just quit law and start writing smut.

_{I'd read it.}

Probably more lucrative and definitely more respectable than lawyering.

# ? Dec 13, 2014 04:39

Soothing Vapors: Mar 26, 2006; Associate Justice Lena "Kegels" Dunham: An uncool thought to have: 'is that guy walking in the dark behind me a rapist? Never mind, he's Asian.

Phil Moscowitz posted:

The Senior Partner put his pencil down and looked up, and the Warszawa smiled.

"The S comes before the Z," said the Senior Partner, a playful glint in his eyes. He laughed, holding up the pad of yellow lined paper they'd been working on since midnight. Line after line, page after page, the young catamite's name scrawled again and again in graphite but every time spelled wrong...until now.

"I hear from the junior partners that you have personal goals," said the Senior Partner as he rolled his leather executive chair around the desk. The Partner's legs fit perfectly around the Warszawa's, two knobby sharkskin knees against the young man's Tom Ford-clad thighs. "Tell me about them."

The Warszawa licked his lips. This was as good a time as any, the sky outside the Senior Patner's windows a deep purple as the sun threatened to rise. The Warszawa slowly slipped to his knees and thought how far he'd come, how few others could say they'd seen their name spelled correctly on the Partner's pad.

"I do have a goal," he said, looking up into the Partner's face. "And that goal is yourggllmfffgglllllffff..."

the old man's still got it

# ? Dec 13, 2014 04:45

Alaemon: Jan 4, 2009; Proctors are guardians of the sanctity and integrity of legal education, therefore they are responsible for the nourishment of the soul.

ActusRhesus posted:

*pulls obligatory prosecutor's bottle of scotch out of drawer and pours*

Sounds legit.

That takes us back to the greatness of Jack McCoy!

# ? Dec 13, 2014 05:01

I wish ERISA were that sexy.

# ? Dec 13, 2014 05:36

Hot Dog Day #91: Jun 19, 2003

MoFauxHawk posted:

I wish ERISA were that sexy.

You're literally doing the exact job you wanted to do though, right?

# ? Dec 13, 2014 17:48

Green Crayons: Apr 2, 2009

Never leave us, Phil.

# ? Dec 13, 2014 18:02

Elotana: Dec 12, 2003; and i'm putting it all on the goddamn expense account

I have a biglaw interview :ohdear:

Any tips to not gently caress up as a lateral candidate

# ? Dec 13, 2014 19:21

Phil Moscowitz: Feb 19, 2007; If blood be the price of admiralty,
Lord God, we ha' paid in full!

Elotana posted:

I have a biglaw interview

Any tips to not gently caress up as a lateral candidate

See my post, above

# ? Dec 13, 2014 19:35

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# ? May 16, 2024 21:37

Feces Starship: Nov 11, 2008; in the great green room
goodnight moon

HE'S ON FIRE

# ? Dec 13, 2014 19:51

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Lawyer & Law School Megathread #12: Started Out Barrister, Ended Up Barista

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