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There is no part of that story which isn't extremely loving stupid other than the part where you get medical attention and then don't cook for yourself. Well done I guess?
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Dec 17, 2014 20:17
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Canned chicken Holy poo poo, gently caress america
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Dec 17, 2014 20:20
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Preserved foods packaged securely? gently caress America!
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Dec 17, 2014 20:22
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Kaz, are you aware that you can have food delivered to your house over the internet? At the very worst, over the phone? Pizzas are tasty and filling and have absolutely no sharp edges.
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Dec 17, 2014 20:26
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He was too sleep deprived to consider that. The answer is clearly that he needs to be strapped to his bed at night so he doesn't wander off and hurt himself.
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Dec 17, 2014 20:31
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Remora posted:Kaz, are you aware that you can have food delivered to your house over the internet? At the very worst, over the phone? Pizzas are tasty and filling and have absolutely no sharp edges. Yeah that's how I've been spending the last few mostly-bedridden days. I think it's time to hang up the chef's hat for good.
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Dec 17, 2014 20:35
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Squeegy posted:Preserved foods packaged securely? gently caress America! Don't you dare call it food.
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Dec 17, 2014 20:43
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Also if you believe there's a reason to make preserved chicken bits then you're hosed in the head
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Dec 17, 2014 20:44
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Kazerad posted:with some canned chicken
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Dec 17, 2014 20:46
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Thank Christ you're here to inform us that increasing the shelf life on poultry is the work of Satan.
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Dec 17, 2014 20:47
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Kazerad posted:Yeah that's how I've been spending the last few mostly-bedridden days. I think it's time to hang up the chef's hat for good. I think you need a youtube channel of you trying to prepare even the simplest of meals. The profits can go to repairs and medical expenses.
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Dec 17, 2014 20:50
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When you think about it, Kazerad has a history of not understanding that the tools used by one field (e.g. gardeners) are not considered appropriate in the domain of another. (e.g. chefs)
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Dec 17, 2014 20:54
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Kazerad posted:SOMETHING AWFUL FORUMS, I am going to tell you the harrowing tale of my chicken nuggets. Oh dear god shut up.
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Dec 17, 2014 23:10
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That's a one-way trip to Stomachpumpopolis, and there ain't no coming back from that.
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Dec 17, 2014 23:14
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Afraid of Audio posted:Oh dear god shut up. How dare Kazerad tell the story people have been talking about for two pages! The nerve of some people!
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Dec 17, 2014 23:17
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cheetah7071 posted:How dare Kazerad tell the story people have been talking about for two pages! The nerve of some people! I know maybe people who right literal rape fiction shouldn't be allowed to write on Something Awful.
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Dec 17, 2014 23:32
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Kazerad posted:SOMETHING AWFUL FORUMS, I am going to tell you the harrowing tale of my chicken nuggets. "Your Alchemy skill increased."
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Dec 17, 2014 23:47
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Learn to loving cook for Christ's sake
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Dec 17, 2014 23:49
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Slicing your hand open might have been the better alternative to eating the bag of chicken mush you were going to microwave.
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Dec 17, 2014 23:52
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Afraid of Audio posted:I know maybe people who right literal rape fiction shouldn't be allowed to write on Something Awful. I disagree; they should be made mods
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Dec 17, 2014 23:56
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Kaz, you should probably stock your home with relatively healthy snacks that require no preparation in the event that you are hungry and it is late. I'd suggest protein bars to start. Atkins ones are actually pretty tasty. Depends on your budget, they can be kinda expensive.
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Dec 18, 2014 04:14
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jetz0r posted:Slicing your hand open might have been the better alternative to eating the bag of chicken mush you were going to microwave. This is exactly what I was thinking as I read, that poo poo sounded absolutely nauseating and I'd have taken stitches over eating canned chicken buffalo chex slurry any day. Kaz, you have no idea how lucky you were. Canned chicken is only to be used as a treat for cats and maybe for extremely low effort and tasteless chicken salad, if you're desperate. Though in hindsight considering your culinary disability I suppose it's also lucky you were only experimenting with that...concoction instead attempting to cook actual breaded chicken in an actual frying pan filled with hot oil. So, uh, seconding JT Jag's suggestion a thousand times over. If nothing else maybe buy some frozen dinners? (And keep us updated on any new and exciting ways you may find to seriously injure yourself using only a microwave.) Oh yes and for the goon freaking out about the very concept of canned chicken being a thing that exists: I have done this IRL. Zoe fucked around with this message at 06:11 on Dec 18, 2014 |
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Dec 18, 2014 06:00
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ANIME MONSTROSITY posted:Canned chicken You've never eaten fast food I take it.
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Dec 18, 2014 06:22
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Its a lot more convenient to use canned deboned chicken breast for salads and sandwhiches than to chop up a chicken breast, boil it, and then strain it. Are you also opposed to canned tuna fish?
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Dec 18, 2014 07:31
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Tuna doesn't come marinaded in slime. 
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Dec 18, 2014 08:33
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I gotta say, Kaz, that was a more magical journey than I could have imagined. How you've survived this long in a world full of kitchens is frankly a miracle.
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Dec 18, 2014 08:47
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Somebody find that gif of a canned chicken coming out of Shakira's butt.
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Dec 18, 2014 08:53
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There's also canned chopped deboned chicken breast, just imagine how it is with tuna only it looks white. I have cans of both, about 5 ounces each. The ingredients on a chicken can are chicken breast, water, less than 2% food starch, salt, sodium phosphate. The tuna is tuna, water, veggie broth, soy, and salt. Pretty comperable.
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Dec 18, 2014 09:41
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Anything that can be preserved should come in a can. No one's making you buy it. Canned food is a scientific blessing.
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Dec 18, 2014 13:13
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Kazerad posted:A beautiful experience This is amazing. You're amazing  Please make food more often.
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Dec 18, 2014 14:07
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ThaumPenguin posted:This is amazing. You're amazing Why do you wish him to cut his head off with a pizza?
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Dec 18, 2014 14:28
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Squeegy posted:Anything that can be preserved should come in a can. No one's making you buy it. Canned food is a scientific blessing. for the botulin producing bacteria to produce botulin in
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Dec 18, 2014 14:46
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I admit I'm kind of morbidly curious to try canned chicken chicken nuggets now. Just drain, rinse and dry it really well, add some salt, pepper, garlic powder and cayenne. Use an egg for binding instead of as a wash and just roll it in flour and fry...they might still disintegrate in the pan but I guess instead of coating the outside you could mix in some cracker crumbs and make passable chicken meatballs instead. ANIME MONSTROSITY posted:for the botulin producing bacteria Man you're right, the human race would be so much better off if we'd never learned to preserve food, it's just unsafe.
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Dec 18, 2014 15:19
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When I tried to open a can of those pre-made Bisquick biscuits for the first time I didn't know that they came with instructions on the back and all attempts to use a can opener on them bewildered me. I eventually resorted to stabbing the can with a spoon until it exploded. This was a while ago, mind, but cookery makes savages of us all.
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Dec 18, 2014 15:38
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i need to buy a can opener that works because right now i have to resort to basically perforating around the lid of the can with it and then tearing the lid off by levering a butterknife through the larger holes 
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Dec 18, 2014 16:02
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Oh! I remember this place! This is the thread with the Elder Scrolls MS paint catgirl who everything goes wrong for. I could catch up from where I left off but first I'll skip to the end and see what's going on right.... . . . .
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Dec 18, 2014 16:36
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^^^excuse me what is this 'comic' you speak of, you must be confused this is the cooking injuries and canned chicken thread Tollymain posted:i need to buy a can opener that works because right now i have to resort to basically perforating around the lid of the can with it and then tearing the lid off by levering a butterknife through the larger holes And yet you've never wound up in a hospital, amazing! I have a fancy one that slices the lid right off from the side of the can, it's nice because there's no sharp edges at all so afterwards you can safely use your can for storage or crafts if you're some kind of hoarder.
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Dec 18, 2014 16:39
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KayTee posted:Oh! I remember this place! This is the thread with the Elder Scrolls MS paint catgirl who everything goes wrong for.  ANIME MONSTROSITY posted:Canned chicken
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Dec 18, 2014 17:03
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Oh that wacky Kazerad, what will that scamp do next. I sure hope he doesn't get into any crazy hijinks that will stop him from writing his hosed up comic no siree.
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Dec 18, 2014 17:07
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Afraid of Audio posted:Oh that wacky Kazerad, what will that scamp do next. I sure hope he doesn't get into any crazy hijinks that will stop him from writing his hosed up comic no siree. Look we get it, Kazerad has ridiculously dumb opinions but your obsession with them is bordering on creepy and we don't need your regular updates on how dumb you think they are. Also this poo poo post adds nothing to the thread.
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Dec 18, 2014 17:21
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