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Relax there buddy, you're on a comedy forum
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Jan 22, 2015 00:39
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Knyteguy posted:"Tired of Top Ramen... hungry... restaurant is close and it'll quickly satiate since I had to skip lunch." This can also be substituted for expensive groceries, since sometimes we'll just get groceries from the nearby mart and it's super expensive. Knyteguy posted:We spent $77 on groceries and we have enough food premade for the the rest of the month right now (since Saturday). I'm feeling confident about it. 
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Jan 22, 2015 00:39
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Old Fart posted:every now and again http://youtu.be/9NInDI8ChaU
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Jan 22, 2015 00:45
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Veskit posted:If the problem is Bipolar then you really need to speak with a psychiatrist instead. Counselors could easily skip over the symptoms if it appears you just have severe depression. People don't really go to the counselor to say "I'm super motivated, happy, excited to do everything and also irritated!". If it were that it would drastically help you with managing your impulse control and more importantly your need to spend. That's the only reason i bring it up in a BFC thread. Thanks Rhythmic. A lot of people actually have said "use the thread!" so that's what I was doing here. And I will continue to do it, even though I know it's going to turn out like this for awhile. Veskit it's not 3 steps backwards. I was willing to pay for the trip out of our discretionary. Look at how I budgeted the PS4 for contrast. I was simply asking if we could make it work within our budget. What made me think about it is DCB brought up the same thing and everyone was like "well ya that's probably alright". I know he makes more but at least people looked at the numbers. I don't have a chemical inbalance man can't we stop this poo poo? I am never severely depressed, nor over the top happy. My mother is manic depressive she has periods where she can't get out of bed for weeks. I'm nothing like that, not in any way or form. No one in the entire world including professionals (I wasn't even diagnosed with depression) and my closest relationships outside of these forums thinks I'm like that. It's just not there. And everyone realized my mother's symptoms long ago so it's not blindness. I know it's a less "tidy" reason, but I just suck with money. A little money management from my parents would have gone a long way. Old Fart posted:Yeah, I've been there. The take-out trap is a tough one. I used to eat take-out at least twice a day every day. I worked in gaming, so cash tips every day, and a cheap Chinese place was just at the end of the block. But when I stop relying on it as backup, then I get out of the habit. These days I hardly consider it an option. And then every now and again we'll go through a phase of take-out three days in a row. It just feeds itself. "Well, we were already lazy twice this week, what's once more?" Thanks yea the key is like everyone has been saying, and I think that's premade meals. We have a ton of (refrigerated, ready to eat) meals right now. The frozen stuff wasn't working as well, especially the crockpot, because we would have leftovers, get tired of them, not move the food from the crockpot, and be stuck without a way to cook our meals. Or just forget to defrost on schedule.
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Jan 22, 2015 00:48
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Knyteguy posted:We've got $7,300 in the bank right now (so enough to pay off taxes, and the apartment right now and be more than a month ahead), and a paycheck still coming this month, and all of our bills paid for the moment, It also doesn't take a full month's budget to get a month ahead. It's really only the consumables. You're probably budgeting February's rent check in January, right? Rent probably isn't due until the 1st or 5th. So that right there is already a month ahead. Bills are the same way. You might get the cable bill on the 18th, but it probably isn't due until the 7th of the next month. So those are already a month ahead, too. When you get a bill, set up your bank to auto-pay on the 1st, enter it in YNAB, and you're done. Even better, set up all your bills to auto-pay on the 1st. Since you're a month ahead, you don't have to worry about over-draft. Your checking account will be padded with all of February's paychecks, so the cash will be there on March 1st. There are many advantages to this. The biggest is that you no longer have to keep track of when the next paycheck is coming in. You have all your money at the beginning of the month, and all of your fixed bills are paid right away. Now all that's left is to divide the rest between consumables, savings, and discretionary. It's so much less stressful. It also feels a lot more secure. With a new baby, I'm pretty sure your wife would like a bit of security. And it might help your mindset as well. If you have the funds, do it. It removes a lot of stress and gives you a lot more control over your money. Looking at my YNAB graph, you can clearly see the change that happened once we got to Step 4.
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Jan 22, 2015 00:50
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With how much rice you eat, I hope you've realised that the giant 15-20lb bags are about half as much per pound as buying smaller bags. I don't know what places sell these in the US but if the stores you normally go to don't have them, check out an ethnic place. It would be interesting to see some of your grocery receipts, I think. And beer shouldn't be coming out of grocery budget, but that doesn't mean you can't buy beer at the same place you buy your groceries... toe knee hand fucked around with this message at 00:55 on Jan 22, 2015 |
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Jan 22, 2015 00:53
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http://youtu.be/JOoMxP8vl7c
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Jan 22, 2015 00:58
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Knyteguy posted:I know it's a less "tidy" reason, but I just suck with money. A little money management from my parents would have gone a long way. Thing is, most of what we've seen is not specific to money; it's impulsiveness in general. I grew up with impulsive kids who had all the money management skills and guidance provided by their parents - they still crashed and burned. I don't think pathologizing it will do you any good, but if you're interested in working on it you should check out mindful meditation along with keeping yourself accountable to the thread and your wife.
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Jan 22, 2015 01:04
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toe knee hand posted:With how much rice you eat, I hope you've realised that the giant 15-20lb bags are about half as much per pound as buying smaller bags. I don't know what places sell these in the US but if the stores you normally go to don't have them, check out an ethnic place.
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Jan 22, 2015 01:08
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I know. Almost Everyone (not you) was just being kind of crappy so I though people would laugh. Well played though.
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Jan 22, 2015 01:20
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Make a shitload of one-dish meals that you can freeze. The wife and I have a bunch of portioned-out meals like chicken spaghetti, chili, lasagna, ziti, red beans & rice (minus the rice which we make as-needed), soups, etc. that we turn to when we don't want to have to worry about ingredients and prep. On weekends we make double batches of recipes that serve 6-8 and freeze several 2 person portions. It feels really good to know that you could eat well for a couple of weeks without doing any shopping or anything other than throwing something in the oven. This is some 101 level poo poo that pretty much every family who doesn't have an in-home chef has figured out, but it seems like you're just coming around to it. The good news is that once you embrace it it'll make your life so much easier (and cheaper) than it is now. Crock pot meals are great but still require some planning and relatively fresh ingredients. Frozen meals keep for months and take 30 seconds to throw in the oven. A $100 budget for restaurants is excessive. $25 is reasonable but even then you should strive to spend $0. Doing what I said above is what will allow you to do this. It's an easy way to reduce spending. Budget alcohol separate from groceries. Discretionary should be like $25/mo apiece.
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Jan 22, 2015 01:34
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Knyteguy posted:We're going to stock up crockpot meals literally tomorrow for the impending birth, and we bought a bunch of frozen pizzas so those are on hand if we get the urge to order take out, As far as the grocery bills go we're going to cut meat out of our diet all but 1 meal a week to help save. We're going to try to go pretty extreme with food savings for now. We also added a restaurant/takeout line to the budget to help us track exactly what we're spending there so we don't blow our discretionary money for it all. I think we'll be less likely to spend it since it's a shared discretionary (we just took $50/ea from disc.). This was posted January 2nd, 2015. You stuck with this for literally 19 days.  It's almost as if you have a reoccurring problem with not thinking things through. Seriously though this thread is a joke. Congrats on having $7,300 in the bank when you owe $3,000 in taxes (ie not thinking things through) and $1,500 for breaking a lease (ie not thinking things through).
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Jan 22, 2015 01:51
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OF thanks we'll get back on that after the tax bill is saved for, and we're already close. We may be able to start again in Feb. Just being able to budget a month ahead would be helpful.toe knee hand posted:With how much rice you eat, I hope you've realised that the giant 15-20lb bags are about half as much per pound as buying smaller bags. I don't know what places sell these in the US but if the stores you normally go to don't have them, check out an ethnic place. Oh yea... right now we have a 30# bag we got for free (maybe 50#), but we're running out. We'll check out an ethnic store soon thanks. Bootson: I don't want to write off your suggestions, but I don't think we're that bad rear end. Even with a bunch of frozen meals I still think we'll be eating out next month. I think it's like my grandmother says: willpower and self control is like a muscle; you have to use it to make it strong. An iron will isn't built overnight. However! I like the food ideas. Forgetting to defrost is the problem we run into most often. Bugamol posted:This was posted January 2nd, 2015. You stuck with this for literally 19 days. Bugamol posted:This thread is insane. I'm stepping out for my own sanity. You must see the irony in calling me out on something that we at least tried really hard at (and succeeded at) for 19 days. And on top of that you once suggested to me a $500 grocery budget. Also didn't you admit yourself that you made the same mistake with taxes? What I was saying where you quoted me is don't feel sorry for me. Not oh poo poo we're rich what up.
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Jan 22, 2015 02:14
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Hey Knyteguy, I'm glad to hear you're thinking about postponing the trip. You should be careful about who your baby interacts with for the first few months until he has his first round of vaccinations (~2 months old). We're having a whooping cough epidemic in Southern California now and a 25 day old baby died of it last week in Santa Barbara. I get to worry about it because I'm pregnant and I live here, but I wouldn't bring my newborn here for a vacation.
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Jan 22, 2015 02:21
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So what really helped me lower my grocery bill was separating my purchases into protein, carbs, fats, and treats. It was a pain to split my receipts in ynab but it really spelled out how some chips and candy can really blow up your monthly grocery budget. If you have the time, consider doing the split like that. If not, maybe at least post your grocery receipts in the thread and I bet someone will separate it out for you.
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Jan 22, 2015 02:36
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Baja Mofufu posted:Hey Knyteguy, I'm glad to hear you're thinking about postponing the trip. You should be careful about who your baby interacts with for the first few months until he has his first round of vaccinations (~2 months old). We're having a whooping cough epidemic in Southern California now and a 25 day old baby died of it last week in Santa Barbara. I get to worry about it because I'm pregnant and I live here, but I wouldn't bring my newborn here for a vacation. Thanks. BFC Goons get the credit. Well jeez that's crazy with the whooping cough. Best of luck down there with your baby - hopefully the epidemic will have moved on by the time they're born.
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Jan 22, 2015 02:38
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Hawkgirl posted:So what really helped me lower my grocery bill was separating my purchases into protein, carbs, fats, and treats. It was a pain to split my receipts in ynab but it really spelled out how some chips and candy can really blow up your monthly grocery budget. OK I'll separate it out for a little bit at least, but I'll be happy to post our grocery receipts. I think we're generally pretty good with what we buy (my wife worked at Grocery Outlet for 7 years so she gets so mad at expensive groceries), but I'm sure there's some room and some help would be cool as long as everyone doesn't get too extreme. While I'm sitting here at work waiting for my ride, I can't help but feel like we're powerless to do anything financially meaningful right now. Like we can save $40 on groceries, or $50 on pet food, but ultimately we need time to achieve anything of note.
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Jan 22, 2015 02:43
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That is an important thing to note. Debt pay down and improved budgeting is a long man's game. You really need to buckle down and stick with it. It can be hard but when you stray from the path it can have big repercussions (as you have seen). Over time though the numbers go in the right direction and it is an awesome feeling.
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Jan 22, 2015 02:59
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spwrozek posted:I though people would laugh.
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Jan 22, 2015 03:30
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Knyteguy posted:You must see the irony in calling me out on something that we at least tried really hard at (and succeeded at) for 19 days. And on top of that you once suggested to me a $500 grocery budget. But what you're saying is that you didn't even make it 19 days because you've been eating out. You haven't even tried to followed through for a month.
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Jan 22, 2015 03:45
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Bugamol posted:But what you're saying is that you didn't even make it 19 days because you've been eating out. You haven't even tried to followed through for a month. ? I thought you were talking about the meat stuff. Eating out has not been our problem this month - we upped our grocery budget when we got too low this time instead, and made half a month's worth of meals. Eating out has been a problem historically. It's why I was talking about upping our grocery budget, because we actually needed to this month. However (and I know this was stupidly confusing) when we upped our groceries and had to go over budget, I made a meal plan for us as specified. What I'm hoping is that this new meal plan will be budget conscience enough that we won't have to up it, because what we've been doing since we started in the thread hasn't worked for our grocery budget. However if I can't make my meal plan + the suggestions work within the confines of $300 (refrigerated fresh, frozen meals, crockpot frozen meals), then we're going to have to increase our grocery budget, because it's apparent we need to, or we're going to waste money at the gas station as we have in the past. I'm earnestly doing my best here, but it's a little demotivating when I come at you all with my best, (trying to plan for stuff, asking if stuff is feasible like the trip, trying to make our budget work better), and a lot of people get extremely negative. I genuinely want to hit our budget lines moving forward, because emotionally I'm in a strong position to do so. However I feel that requires just a little more slight adjustment, like a home goods / grooming budget instead of having to use our discretionary there, an alcohol budget, and a little more. I've mentioned that I am willing to lower discretionary spending to meet these goals as well, which is another reason that it is disappointing to see people so hostile. Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 04:02 on Jan 22, 2015 |
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Jan 22, 2015 03:59
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Baja Mofufu posted:Hey Knyteguy, I'm glad to hear you're thinking about postponing the trip. You should be careful about who your baby interacts with for the first few months until he has his first round of vaccinations (~2 months old). We're having a whooping cough epidemic in Southern California now and a 25 day old baby died of it last week in Santa Barbara. I get to worry about it because I'm pregnant and I live here, but I wouldn't bring my newborn here for a vacation. I was worried about exactly the same thing. Regardless of finances, KG, you're supposed to minimize traveling with a newborn. Best case, your wife has an easy birth and is feeling up to travel (she probably won't; she'll be tired all the time, and she'll likely be in pain for weeks or months afterward, but the medications she can take will be limited if she's nursing). Even outside of the whooping cough epidemic or vaccinations, the flu will definitely still be going around at that point, and you just can't risk it with a newborn. A trip at this point would put your son's health in jeopardy. You've gone back and forth on a lot of things, but please don't go back on this one. The fact that you even considered a trip at that point in time is really scary. Also, newborn poop is punishment for everything you've done wrong in life. Not all of their body parts work properly at that point, and it really shows. Count your lucky stars if you never have to change your kid in your car.
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Jan 22, 2015 04:06
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Reading through this thread and I'm currently at July. Posting to get quick control panel updates. Curious to see how close you are to paying off your car loan. Your goal at the point that I'm at is to have it paid off in one year or less.
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Jan 22, 2015 04:38
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Baja Mofufu posted:Hey Knyteguy, I'm glad to hear you're thinking about postponing the trip. You should be careful about who your baby interacts with for the first few months until he has his first round of vaccinations (~2 months old). We're having a whooping cough epidemic in Southern California now and a 25 day old baby died of it last week in Santa Barbara. I get to worry about it because I'm pregnant and I live here, but I wouldn't bring my newborn here for a vacation. quote:On June 13, 2014, the California Department of Public Health (CDPH) declared that a pertussis epidemic was occurring in the state when reported incidence was more than five times greater than baseline levels. quote:In 2010, a whooping cough outbreak in California sickened 9,120 people, more than in any year since 1947. Ten infants died; babies are too young to be vaccinated.  OneWhoKnows posted:Reading through this thread and I'm currently at July. Posting to get quick control panel updates. 
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Jan 22, 2015 04:47
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Knyteguy posted:I'm earnestly doing my best here, but it's a little demotivating when I come at you all with my best, (trying to plan for stuff, asking if stuff is feasible like the trip, trying to make our budget work better), and a lot of people get extremely negative. I genuinely want to hit our budget lines moving forward, because emotionally I'm in a strong position to do so. However I feel that requires just a little more slight adjustment, like a home goods / grooming budget instead of having to use our discretionary there, an alcohol budget, and a little more. I can't speak for others, but I've been disappointed in this thread because it seems like you never really learn anything. You change your budget literally every couple of weeks, as if shuffling numbers on a spreadsheet saves you money. You justify expensive purchases today (the Kindle, this month's groceries) by rationalizing how much you will save tomorrow. But as your grocery budget shows, you don't actually reduce your spending in the coming months. Every few months you have a harebrained idea to upend your life. In addition to the moves and the car purchase you've brought up buying a house, retiring at 35, growing your small business, and moving to Florida/ Silicon Valley in the past year. Each of these things is something that requires weeks of thought, but you bring them up as if they are urgent needs that you need to accomplish right now. I don't think you are bipolar, but you clearly have problems with impulse management. And yet at the end of the day nothing really changes. You spend too much on restaurants or gifts. You don't plan for large purchases. You underestimate how much things cost while overestimating your ability to save in the future. Even when you do upgrade by moving to a house or buying a car, there's something else you need to spend money on to be happy. You aren't going to change your situation with some grand gesture, it's all about the day-to-day choices you make. The worst thing is, when people call you on it you get offended and lash out. Veskit and others may not be the most polite posters, but they have put a lot of hours into helping you. If you want to take your ball and go home, that's fine. But don't pretend that you've got everything figured out and it's the mean posters who are holding you back.
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Jan 22, 2015 05:08
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in_cahoots posted:I can't speak for others, but I've been disappointed in this thread because it seems like you never really learn anything. You change your budget literally every couple of weeks, as if shuffling numbers on a spreadsheet saves you money. You justify expensive purchases today (the Kindle, this month's groceries) by rationalizing how much you will save tomorrow. But as your grocery budget shows, you don't actually reduce your spending in the coming months. I'm just going to throw the following out there while hoping it's not some rambling mess: OK I can't get to everyone right now, (I'll get to some of them tomorrow), but I do want to get back to this one. I change the budget because we haven't had a budget that works yet. We didn't have a line item for clothes or vet bills at one point. That's a change that needs to be made. It's important to remember that there are two of us here. My wife wanted to move far more than I did. And it's been worth every single cent. It was the right choice. The apartment was the wrong choice. We spend NOTHING on gifts. That ZWife comparison was ludicrous. We spent like $100 on gifts at the most last year. For Christ's sake we made ornaments last Christmas and looked like assholes to people who spent $50 on each of us, and we spent like $60 this Christmas year on 3 kids and 4 adults. I have been trying to plan for large purchases. I can't even think of the last large purchase we bought. Restaurants has been a constant problem sure. I went literal years without eating a home cooked dinner outside of holidays. It's not easy to change these habits. I wish a lot of people would stop acting like it is, even if it is easy for them. Again if it wasn't for the 1) moving to the apartment 2) the car 3) the leaving the thread for 5 months, then we would have like $20,000 in the bank (really. I did the math just a few pages ago). If we stop making expensive (and I mean really expensive) decisions and mistakes then we're solid. That's all it takes. We've been accruing and saving pretty well. Those decisions have really set us back though. The taxes I won't count as we've discussed that. It's like I said our focus needs to be on not getting $0.01 more debt beyond the upcoming baby. Not $0.01. If we can do that, while continuing our current habits then we're going to be doing great. I think the energy from the forum is completely misplaced. It's not these small budget things that are hurting us, it's not going $25 on discretionary (and we haven't gone over on discretionary this month even while supplementing groceries), it's not "not sticking to the budget 100%", it's these expensive choices we keep making. I want people to stop assuming I go out and buy new crap every weekend, because I don't I haven't bought a video game since November, not a single new technology item since before that (the Kindle was the last thing there I think). Let me screw around with the small numbers on the budget, if you guys are tired of hearing it I'll just budget it and post it (while keeping it realistic and lean), and collectively if y'all are down for it let's keep the focus off of these expensive choices. I'll continue to be as accountable and available as I have been this month. I'll post expense reports. Crunch time at work is over. Progress will be made then, I can say that with 100% confidence. And yea sometimes I come up with these hairbrained ideas, and it's fun. I like the idea of working for some company and making 6 figures and moving across the country to the warm tropics, but I haven't actually done that. I didn't even ever imply that I would. No I don't blame a single poster here for our current state of spinning our wheels of course. However if someone is calling you a piece of poo poo it's kind of hard to look at the rest of their message, and then to go further and reply all amicable like. I've said it like 20 times I really appreciate the input. I don't know how much more clear I have to make that. I probably won't be nice if people are being huge turds either though, because there's no sense in it. I get absolutely nothing from it. Veskit has garnished a ton of respect from me and he knows that. I've probably listened to him more than anyone else in here. It doesn't mean I want to hear every page that my brain is broken. That's hosed up to hear, ya know? My wife is even like "why do they keep asking if you have bipolar?" like come on. Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 05:51 on Jan 22, 2015 |
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Jan 22, 2015 05:45
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So, you definitely did the right thing by posting here instead of just telling us "hey we're going on vacation with a newborn and planning on driving 8 hours one-way", and even if you did get a lot of negative responses, you should be happy that at least this time you made progress by taking a moment to get a second opinion before committing yourself to something that sounds unpleasant (being trapped in a car for 16 hours with a newborn), unsafe (exposing a baby to a bunch of possible things that could make him sick, because even a cold is insanely stressful when it's a baby), AND expensive (also, you can't even afford it). And I know it's upsetting that Veskit gets so frustrated with you. But you have literally not once mentioned this vacation before. You have no idea how your baby handles being in a car. You have no idea if you'll have enough money to go on this trip (you still haven't managed to consistently stick to a budget, so you have no way to anticipate how much you'll spend between now and when the vacation would be). You waited until everyone said it was a bad idea before explaining why it was so important to you that you go, when you should have opened with that. From the perspective of someone whose only knowledge about your life is through this thread, pretty much everything you say is "I want to spend more money", "I want this expensive thing I haven't mentioned ever before", "It is very difficult for me to not make impulse purchases", "I don't expect any common mishaps to happen so I haven't budgeted for them" followed immediately by "I had to break my budget because I forgot that clothes need maintenance, personal crises cause me to take my loved ones out for lunch, my loved ones have birthdays, and my sister is having a baby shower", and "I'm upset that people lash out in frustration at me when I consistently do things that seem impulsive and financially unwise." For every "I bargained my rent down by 200/month by promising to maintain the lawn" or "we're working on making frozen meals in bulk", we're hearing 3-6 instances of you wanting to make an impulse purchase, overspending, flippantly blowing people off when they try to make you take things more seriously (all the people freaking out about how your stress levels will be affected by the new baby come to mind), or otherwise saying/doing things that make it feel like you're taking one step forward and too steps back. You have a lot of ideas and plans and thoughts on what you're going to do with your money, but this thread has been going on for a long time and you have consistently failed to execute on those plans and any time a plan relies on you having self-control, it feels like it ends in failure. Personally, I can't loving believe you're still making gas station impulse purchases, let alone that you're still doing it so often that it's impacting your budget. If you absolutely can't control yourself, buy snacks or energy drinks or whatever you can't stop yourself from having in bulk from Costco and stick them in your trunk. Obviously, $7300 in the bank, that's $7300 more than you'd have if you weren't maintaining this thread and you weren't putting any effort into getting your finances under control. But a lot of your habits have not changed. Getting out of debt requires a lifestyle change in exactly the same way that losing a lot of weight and keeping it off requires a lifestyle change. You haven't actually changed your lifestyle or your mindset. You think just fiddling with the numbers in your budget will fix your problem but it won't. You spend too much money. Sometimes, I feel like you think if you just fiddle with the numbers some more, eventually you're going to hit some magic combination that lets you stick to your budget and everyone will be happy and you'll be able to buy whatever you want. That's not how it works. A budget isn't a magic spell. We've been trying this entire time to try and change the way you think about money and it doesn't feel like your mindset has changed at all. You're still being led by your impulses -- "I want this" -> "What can I do to get it?" -> "Then I'll do that without taking the time to think about the consequences". The biggest improvement I have actually seen you make is finally figuring out that if you post here after the "What can I do to get what I want?" step, goons will think through all the consequences for you and give you as much information as they possibly can, in hopes that it'll prevent you from strangling yourself with your own impulsiveness, and through enough savagery and research done on your behalf and capital letters they can sometimes change your mind. Which is great! Posting to ask others for advice and a fresh perspective and any personal anecdotes they can offer is great! But we want to take your thought process and turn it into "I want this" -> "What would I have to sacrifice for it?" -> "Are there more consequences, including long-term ones about my financial health, that I haven't thought through yet, let me ask the internet" -> "Is this actually worth it, or are my other goals more important to me?" How important is it that you're not underwater on your car? Would you rather have a paid-off car or would you rather go on a couple vacations, eat steak instead of chicken a few times, and drink 10 gas station energy drinks every month instead of four costco ones? Before people started yelling at you, you basically said that you wanted to spend the equivalent of an entire month's food budget on this trip (assuming $250 for a multi-day trip is even something you can stick to). Would you rather go on this trip or add 50 to your grocery budget for five entire months (that's almost half a year!)? That would easily cover the cost of a case of energy drinks and chips, or whatever you buy for impulse snacks. Or a new article of clothing every month. Or a big chunk of the tax bill you're going to owe the IRS. Obviously, I'm not saying you should spend your money on frivolous stuff. But I think you're approaching it from the wrong direction. You're trying to cut places you've already shown you're abysmal at actually cutting, and then you're going to break your budget and throw your hands up and go, "I had no way to know that I would feel too stressed out at not eating enough and it would cause me to order takeout at every opportunity instead". If you really want it, why don't you save up some slack for it first by being under budget on your existing budget for several months, and then look at all that sweet, sweet unbudgeted money you have lying around and see what you can afford. (I totally bought a nice kindle like this by trading in a bunch of coins I'd accumulated over the last few years, and it felt really loving good.) EDIT: lol I posted before seeing your last reply, but Your expensive decisions are a result of your impulsiveness and poor planning. You hated that apartment you moved into. So why did you move into it in the first place? How did you not know it was too small for you before? You act like "oh it's just these small mistakes I make, totally easy for anyone else to make, they're just really expensive" and the reality of the matter is no, that is not true. You bought a car without pricing it out. You bought a dog without pricing it out. You moved into an apartment without pricing it out. You got hosed by your landlord by not thinking it through. You have a problem with your impulsiveness. The only difference between your big mistakes and your little mistakes is the dollar amount. The behavior and the thought process is the same and by training yourself to stop making little mistakes, you will get into the mindset of not making big mistakes. You're the student who fails all the homeworks and midterms, then says that it doesn't matter because all you have to do is ace the final so there's no reason to criticize you for never studying. Colin Mockery fucked around with this message at 06:04 on Jan 22, 2015 |
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Jan 22, 2015 05:51
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Horking Delight posted:So, you definitely did the right thing by posting here instead of just telling us "hey we're going on vacation with a newborn and planning on driving 8 hours one-way", and even if you did get a lot of negative responses, you should be happy that at least this time you made progress by taking a moment to get a second opinion before committing yourself to something that sounds unpleasant (being trapped in a car for 16 hours with a newborn), unsafe (exposing a baby to a bunch of possible things that could make him sick, because even a cold is insanely stressful when it's a baby), AND expensive (also, you can't even afford it). Thanks for the post. Vacation: It's the first anyone ever heard because my wife and I had to consider our own possibilities. We showed initiative by speaking to other parents who had taken similarly long road trips with their newborns, I did some brief calculations, and then I consulted you guys as the final say. My wife didn't think it was a bad idea, my wife's mom didn't, my wife's sister (with 3 kids) didn't, I didn't, our two friends we spoke with last night about it didn't. And I did think about what I wanted to sacrifice. I was wondering if it was feasible to use our discretionary. Our decision making process needs some work as you said, however. But that's why I consulted you guys. I think that's progress, and I will attempt to do this on my own more and more as time goes on of course. Again it's not easy as shown by the conversations we had with others above. You're trying to cut places you've already shown you're abysmal at actually cutting, and then you're going to break your budget and throw your hands up and go, "I had no way to know that I would feel too stressed out at not eating enough and it would cause me to order takeout at every opportunity instead". If you really want it, why don't you save up some slack for it first by being under budget on your existing budget for several months, and then look at all that sweet, sweet unbudgeted money you have lying around and see what you can afford. I know! But I try to tell everyone in the thread that and it's not enough... like I should cut more in those places (but I admit it's my fault for not explaining this). Like I said at this point our bad spending habits is coming down pretty much 100% on food. I want to try my meal plan at $300 (not $200 like we tried this month) and then if we can't do that, then it needs to go to $400. This will seriously solve like 95% of our budget problems. We do decently enough on the rest of the stuff. I disagree that we spend too much money (at least this month) because all of our fun money is going to groceries. It's seriously not fun stuff we've buying, and hardly even any eating out. I'm committed to making the lifestyle change as you say (as I'm trying to do by eating healthier as well), but like I said it's going to take time. I guess what I'm saying is, at least I think, this month we're doing well. It makes the criticism harder to handle. Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 06:25 on Jan 22, 2015 |
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Jan 22, 2015 06:06
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Knyteguy posted:For Christ's sake we made ornaments last Christmas and looked like assholes to people who spent $50 on each of us  I know in the past you've mentioned a jealous brother-in-law and such, so maybe that's an unrealistic standard for your family.
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Jan 22, 2015 06:13
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Horking Delight posted:EDIT: lol I posted before seeing your last reply, but Same regarding the reply. Look we had 2 choices when we moved: 1) House for about what we pay now, but I wasn't keen on riding my bike (I didn't know if it was feasible), so probably like $1,400 a month, plus a $2,800 deposit, plus a pet deposit. 2) The apartment for $775 a month, a $500 deposit including pets, and that's it. We were limited to those 2 choices because we have 1 car and two different schedules, and my wife being pregnant would make walking very far impractical. The second nearest place to her work that was any bigger would have been 5 miles away. At least. We made this decision with the best of intentions, thinking we could make a small place work because we've made it work in the past. The numbers are right there. We were doing our best to loving save as much money as possibly could. Obviously it didn't play out that way. Those mistakes are not small, they're huge. Not the landlord that's not the big expense there, the lease break fee is the big expense there. The landlord doing that is just a nice big spit in the face on top of the rest of it. Anyway there's pretty much nothing else I can say at this point.
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Jan 22, 2015 06:14
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Star War Sex Parrot posted:If I were a loved one of yours and knew your financial situation, I'd think you were an rear end in a top hat for spending money on me. You come across as a pretty prideful guy, but it doesn't do any good to pretend to be something you're not to people who care about you. Hopefully those friends/family care about you and don't judge or hold homemade gifts against you. Well we don't talk to everyone about our financial situation (I genuinely wish my wife would talk to her family a little bit). They just see oh Knyteguy is a software developer probably making bank and KWife got a new job and look at this house they're in now they must be rolling. And then they get a $20 gift card and a lovely small jewelery box and get all upset (non-verbally, he had to walk out of the room in... anger?). That's after they spend a ton of time picking out cool stuff for us. I grew up without holidays and giving gifts on them, so it's not even hardly a thing for me, but sometimes ya gotta deal with family ya know? They're bad with money and yes the overspend on gifts because we're their kids, and also because I guess they also want more expensive gifts. They're hugely in debt of course, but I guess it doesn't tamper their expectations. Knyteguy fucked around with this message at 06:31 on Jan 22, 2015 |
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Jan 22, 2015 06:18
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Knyteguy posted:Well we don't talk to everyone about our financial situation (I genuinely wish my wife would talk to her family a little bit). They just see oh Knyteguy is a software developer probably making bank and KWife got a new job and look at this house they're in now they must be rolling. And then they get a $20 gift card and a lovely small jewelery box and get all upset (non-verbally, he had to walk out of the room in... anger?). That's after they spend a ton of time picking out cool stuff for us. Have you considered just straight up admitting that your finances are in a pretty bad state right now because you guys have a lot of debt and you've got a baby on the way, so you've had to tighten things up a lot? EDIT: Also don't try to keep up with the Joneses.
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Jan 22, 2015 06:51
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Horking Delight posted:Have you considered just straight up admitting that your finances are in a pretty bad state right now because you guys have a lot of debt and you've got a baby on the way, so you've had to tighten things up a lot? Yea I asked my wife to talk to her mom. Hey so I was speaking with my wife about what you said about small decisions being the same root cause of the bad decisions. Like the apartment was impulsive, the car was, (and we've fallen into that trap before) the trip was even though we thought about it we didn't think it through, the bass, the kindle, all of it. Hell even the animals were 1x1. Getting pregnant at the point in time we did was. Hell even my meal plan was but I can get behind that if it works I guess. Ok I'll work on that. However if we have to up groceries to $400 that will not be impulsive. 
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Jan 22, 2015 07:03
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Knyteguy posted:Well we don't talk to everyone about our financial situation (I genuinely wish my wife would talk to her family a little bit). They just see oh Knyteguy is a software developer probably making bank and KWife got a new job and look at this house they're in now they must be rolling. And then they get a $20 gift card and a lovely small jewelery box and get all upset (non-verbally, he had to walk out of the room in... anger?). That's after they spend a ton of time picking out cool stuff for us. This sucks, it really does. But if her family's love for you is dependent on $20 gift cards... well I don't have to finish the sentence. That $20 is a copay for a pediatrician's visit. It's a dozen baby books purchased from a used bookstore. Hell, it's pizza delivery in two months when you're both exhausted and the baby is crying. You can't have it all. At this point it's not about you any more, it's about how you want to raise your child. Is this really the example you want to set? That it's okay for a grown adult to walk out in anger on a family member because they didn't buy you an extravagant gift? That it's normal and healthy to be in debt, so long as everyone gets cool presents at Christmas? You said earlier that your wife is better with money than yourself. It sounds like she's unwilling to rock the boat, so to speak, with you or with her family. The two of you got into this mess together following years of bad decisions, and if you're not careful the pattern will rub off on your baby.
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Jan 22, 2015 07:36
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Knyteguy posted:Restaurants has been a constant problem sure. I went literal years without eating a home cooked dinner outside of holidays. It's not easy to change these habits. I wish a lot of people would stop acting like it is, even if it is easy for them. It is easy, though. At the end of the day, you are responsible for every decision you make. Before you reach into your pocket to pay for fast food, you make a decision. You can always choose not to eat fast food. Even if you're starving and it's 1am. Even if your coworkers all go out to lunch together. Even if you're really craving a hamburger. Of course it's easier, but you never have to pull into that drivethrough, or go to an Olive Garden. You can always drive right past it, go home, and make yourself some rice and beans, a pb&j sandwich, or heat up some frozen chili/soup/whatever. You can always pack a lunch. It's not like the Wendy's siren song is calling to you, or some Arby's goon is physically dragging you through the drivethrough. Every time you go, you decide to. Try to drag out decisions and give them a lot of thought. Every time you choose to get fast food, are you actually thinking about the food you might have at home? Can you really not wait the extra hour or whatever to drive home and cook yourself something? Yeah it sucks to have to decide to say no to the quick and easy in favor of the smart and fiscally responsible, but that's life. Wait to eat your marshmallow. Knyteguy posted:Well we don't talk to everyone about our financial situation (I genuinely wish my wife would talk to her family a little bit). They just see oh Knyteguy is a software developer probably making bank and KWife got a new job and look at this house they're in now they must be rolling. And then they get a $20 gift card and a lovely small jewelery box and get all upset (non-verbally, he had to walk out of the room in... anger?). That's after they spend a ton of time picking out cool stuff for us. This is genuinely lovely. Sorry to hear it. Families can get weird with money and gifts. My siblings all have a pact to not buy gifts after someone got butthurt, but the first babies are showing up and I think it's going to start all over. Inverse Icarus fucked around with this message at 09:57 on Jan 22, 2015 |
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Jan 22, 2015 09:47
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I dont have kids but every parent I know has just stayed at home with their first kid and barely left the house at all once it arrived. They pretty much just stay inside and got used to the child, some family/friends visit and they finally venture out in a few months. I could just know strange people, but you may just want to stay at home anyway Devious_05 fucked around with this message at 13:43 on Jan 23, 2015 |
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Jan 22, 2015 12:33
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A 16 hour trip with a newborn will be hell for both you and the newborn. Baby will need to eat every two hours. Baby will poop. My son screamed in his car seat every single time for the first 3-4 months. He did not like it at all. A 16 hour trip is going to be 20 hours minimum best case scenario. My kid slept a lot the first few months, but generally only in 20 minute to one hour blocks. A newborn cannot go longer than a few hours without food, so even if you get a magic sleeping happy baby you will still need to stop a lot to feed them. The need a lot of calories but their stomach, after the first couple weeks, is the size of an egg. It fills quickly and subsequently empties quickly. I had the easiest birth in the world-- no tearing, no complications, no pain afterward and the thought of newly post partum me wanting to make that trip is laughable. Not a chance in hell I had the energy or desire for it. The relatives, all of whom are a minimum 2.5 hours away came to us. We didn't even have to ask our phones were going crazy with offers to come visit (and bring food). Edit: we took a trip to my family that was 2.5 hours one way when baby was 4 weeks old and it was horrible. My husband and I were frazzled, exhausted, and stressed. I cried a lot. Baby cried 70% of the way because he just wanted to be held, not in the car seat. Definitely would not do again until baby was much older and OK with car if we have more children. sheri fucked around with this message at 15:49 on Jan 22, 2015 |
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Jan 22, 2015 15:46
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Yeah, you gotta stop worrying about other people and keeping up with them, man. I make a bit more than you, and limit myself to $250 in entertainment a month (bars, restaurants, etc.) after I spend an outrageous amount last year. Once that money is gone, I can't go out anymore. I get constant calls from friends saying to meet them out, you just have to be firm about it. You can't spend money to make someone else think better of you, or live up to their expectations. You only need to worry about providing for your wife and kid, nothing else at this point.
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Jan 22, 2015 16:36
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Knyteguy posted:Well we don't talk to everyone about our financial situation (I genuinely wish my wife would talk to her family a little bit). They just see oh Knyteguy is a software developer probably making bank and KWife got a new job and look at this house they're in now they must be rolling. And then they get a $20 gift card and a lovely small jewelery box and get all upset (non-verbally, he had to walk out of the room in... anger?). That's after they spend a ton of time picking out cool stuff for us.
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Jan 22, 2015 16:47
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Every day my husband calls me as he's heading home from work to ask if he should pick anything up. This could mean picking up items from the grocery store, or picking up fast food. He does this EVERY DAY. Every now and then I'll say, "Chick Fil A, please~" and he'll do it. But most of the time, it's "I need spaghetti sauce, waffles, and milk." I tell you this because it helps to have someone else make those decisions with you. He knows we shouldn't be eating fast food. I know we shouldn't be eating fast food. So we rely on each other to keep each of us in check. If I answer, "Chick Fil A please~" too many times this week, he'll call me out on it, and vice versa. You and your wife need to do the same. That's basically what you're doing with this thread. But we're not going to be there when you want to stop at McD's. That's why you need your wife's input. That's why you both need to keep each other in check and not just say, "Sure, honey" because you want the other person to be happy. I don't understand the moving out thing. The last place was too small? Was it because you have two people and five animals? How long did you live there? The place we're currently living sucks (for us). My daughter is getting bigger, she has more stuff, and she needs room to play. Our neighbors fight all the time and we've had to call the cops on them for domestic violence. We're lucky to get a parking spot near our place. The kids around here have been known to break aquariums on the playground, and repeatedly take pieces of the equipment. Every month something is breaking in this drat place (the sink, the hvac, the dishwasher, the fridge)... But we stayed for two years longer than we wanted, because it's what we could afford. And now we're finally in a financially better position to move. You need to harden the gently caress up and tell your family that no, you cannot afford to buy all the things for them. You are not loving Santa Claus. What worked for me and my family was all of us just saying, you know what? I don't have the money to do this right now. We'll do a Secret Santa, at most. The only person who never sticks with that plan is my mother, and that's because she's my mom and can do whatever the gently caress she wants. BUT she still knows we're not all buying gifts for each other. She understands we can't always afford such things because we loving talk to her about it. It sucks that you feel you can't talk to your family about this stuff, but you need to find a way. They need to understand that your well-being and the well-being of your family are going to come before their wants-- end of discussion. Having all those flights of fancy is fine and dandy. We all have them. I think the thread tends to freak out and overreact to these things because you present them as ideas you're considering acting upon-- which seems like it's not the case. Again, it's fine to have these ideas so long as you're not really considering doing something about them. When you get to the stage where you're actually trying to plan out how to get away with these schemes, that's really when you need to get your rear end in here and post about them.
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Jan 22, 2015 17:24
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