Geeky Star Wars Loser Thread Episode VII: Attack of the bugnest orgies

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > Geeky Star Wars Loser Thread Episode VII: Attack of the bugnest orgies

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Ensign_Ricky: Jan 4, 2008; Daddy Warlord
of the
Children of the Corn

_{or something...}

Oh, I almost forgot, I wanted to share this comment on my review of The New Rebellion:

quote:

I just found this after looking at some of the reviews on Amazon's kindle store. I did my own search in regards to read or skip this book and it was in the top 10 links the showed up. I read this whole article and from the 20-30+ star wars books I've read- some of this stuff was reiterated in the amazon reviews in regards to skipping this book and the bogus introductions of new things that don't make sense in the Star Wars universe in general.

I'm glad I read this instead of wasting my money.

*sniff* If all I do is help people protect their hard-earned savings, then everything will be worth it.

# ? Jan 22, 2015 07:34

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# ? May 15, 2024 17:39

Cross-Section: Mar 18, 2009

Casimir Radon posted:

You can play Dark Forces in XL Engine. There are still some bugs but it's completable as far as I know. Being able to mouselook really makes a difference, one time playing the original executable I'd lost a couple lives on Fest by tumbling of cliffs,

YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH *crunch*

Megachile posted:

I got Force Commander at the age where anything Star Wars was worth spending as much time as possible on, and before I was good enough at games that being able to progress in a reasonable time or even master the game mechanics didn't matter at all. So I love it in the abstract but having revisited it a few times since and not gotten far, I wouldn't recommend it.

That game had the best cheats; a typical play session for me essentially equated to "spawn in hundreds of stormtroopers/AT-ATs/TIE Bombers/Darth Vaders, watch game slow to 1-2 FPS, eventually crash". Also, it was because of Force Commander that kid-me managed convince my parents to buy a Voodoo 3 (in order to run the drat thing).

# ? Jan 22, 2015 08:17

Mukaikubo: Mar 14, 2006; "You treat her like a lady... and she'll always bring you home."

dublish posted:

No they don't. I've still got my disc.

I would beg for Rebellion on GoG because, while I still have the CD too, I have never gotten it to work on Windows 7/8.

# ? Jan 22, 2015 15:50

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

Mukaikubo posted:

I would beg for Rebellion on GoG because, while I still have the CD too, I have never gotten it to work on Windows 7/8.

Well you're in luck, today is your day. Also Empire at War and Rogue Squadron.

# ? Jan 22, 2015 16:46

Thwomp: Apr 10, 2003; BA-DUHHH; Grimey Drawer

Good news everyone!

Rebellion was just released by GOG today for $6!

e:f,b

# ? Jan 22, 2015 16:46

VAGENDA OF MANOCIDE: Aug 1, 2004; whoa, what just happened here?; College Slice

Time to relive my middle school days and build the ultimate Imperial fleet of death.

# ? Jan 22, 2015 17:26

General Battuta: Feb 7, 2011; This is how you communicate with a fellow intelligence: you hurt it, you keep on hurting it, until you can distinguish the posts from the screams.

X-wing Alliance is really loving fun. I miss the FreeSpace/TIE Fighter days.

# ? Jan 22, 2015 21:47

Megachile: Apr 5, 2014

Thwomp posted:

Good news everyone!

Rebellion was just released by GOG today for $6!

e:f,b

Is Rebellion actually playable/fun? I tried a couple times when I was pretty young and just got really frustrated with the clunky interface. I was never able to accomplish very much. Is that because I was a dumb kid and is it actually worth going back to now?

# ? Jan 23, 2015 02:38

brozozo: Apr 27, 2007; Conclusion: Dinosaurs.

Megachile posted:

Is Rebellion actually playable/fun? I tried a couple times when I was pretty young and just got really frustrated with the clunky interface. I was never able to accomplish very much. Is that because I was a dumb kid and is it actually worth going back to now?

I enjoyed it a lot as a kid, but that was after I used an editor to change all the ship costs to 1. Several years ago I bought a copy on eBay and played it as an adult, did the same thing :v:

For whatever reason, I always struggled with resource management in that game.

If you've got an itch for a Star Wars 4X game, Rebellion and Empire at War are the only games that can scratch that itch. There's always mods for other games though. I'm sure more recent games like Sins of a Solar Empire have a ton of Star Wars mods.

To be honest, I'm surprised there haven't been more attempts at 4X style games in the Star Wars universe. Seems like a no brainer to me.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 02:46

Cyberball 2072: Feb 17, 2014; by Lowtax

Megachile posted:

Is Rebellion actually playable/fun? I tried a couple times when I was pretty young and just got really frustrated with the clunky interface. I was never able to accomplish very much. Is that because I was a dumb kid and is it actually worth going back to now?

Depends on your idea of fun I suppose. It's not a very exciting game but scratches the itch if you like pushing armies around a big map. I found it on an abandon ware site awhile back and had a lot of fun with it, but it is quite old and clunky.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 03:05

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

brozozo posted:

To be honest, I'm surprised there haven't been more attempts at 4X style games in the Star Wars universe. Seems like a no brainer to me.

Just get Firaxis to do it.

Last time I tried to play I thought I was doing pretty good until a space battle started, then things went south fast when I realized I hadn't read the instructions for that.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 04:06

Drone: Aug 22, 2003; Incredible machine

Whoa, what? Rogue Squadron was out on PC?

http://www.gog.com/game/star_wars_rogue_squadron_3d

# ? Jan 23, 2015 15:29

jivjov: Sep 13, 2007; But how does it taste? Yummy!; Dinosaur Gum

Drone posted:

Whoa, what? Rogue Squadron was out on PC?

http://www.gog.com/game/star_wars_rogue_squadron_3d

Yup, at a buttery smooth 60fps too.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 15:53

Thwomp: Apr 10, 2003; BA-DUHHH; Grimey Drawer

Megachile posted:

Is Rebellion actually playable/fun? I tried a couple times when I was pretty young and just got really frustrated with the clunky interface. I was never able to accomplish very much. Is that because I was a dumb kid and is it actually worth going back to now?

I'm just going to cross-post from the GOG.com thread.

Thwomp posted:

Rebellion is a turn-based 4X game that has an attempt at 3D tactical space combat that generally falls flat on its face. it also has Hero characters with a light-RPG element to them.

However, the AI is pretty broken and I believe some of the stats listed in game for some special characters are flat-out wrong or bugged.

Story: Playing as the rebels, one of the objectives to win is to capture the Emperor. So I'm at the end of the game and I've got the Emperor cornered on a planet. I've got Luke all Jedi Master level and send him down to capture the Emperor. He fails. I send him again. He fails. Send again. He fails and is injured. I wait for him to recooperate and send again. He fails.

So I say gently caress it, who else do I have to send down? I've got Ackbar commanding the fleet blockading the planet. I'll send his rear end. Captured the Emperor on the first attempt. Some poo poo in Rebellion was really broken.

All that said, it's fun in the same way Risk can be fun. Also, you do get weird stories like the one I described above.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 15:56

SuperSpiff: Apr 4, 2007; Mentally retardation is such a strong word.

Also it's super entertaining to click the auto resolve button on space battles and watch your badass Rebel fleet that took you twelve hours to make, commanded by Ackbar, and has like 20 Min Cal cruisers that hose Bulwark battlethingies lose to two Victory classes and a troop transport.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 17:05

WhyteRyce: Dec 30, 2001

Thwomp posted:

I'm just going to cross-post from the GOG.com thread.

All that said, it's fun in the same way Risk can be fun. Also, you do get weird stories like the one I described above.

The capture/kill poo poo never worked the way it said it could. I had Wedge Antilles trapped on a planet I blockaded. I destroyed all troops and defenses and Wedge was even injured. I tried capturing him with my best infiltration dude with Noghri acting as decoys and they failed. Added more decoys, failed. Added my second best infiltrator as a decoy, still failed. Got pissed off and just invaded the planet and he escaped. The only drat way to capture anyone in that game reliably is to just capture every enemy planet and then invade the one they are on.

Auto-resolve battles suck but the 3-D battle mode was crash happy.

Multiplayer could be fun, but good luck getting anyone who show up again to finish the game.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 18:26

VAGENDA OF MANOCIDE: Aug 1, 2004; whoa, what just happened here?; College Slice

I don't think I've ever seen an autoresolve do something that wacky. Usually it's a fairly legitimate breakdown.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 20:40

Strobe: Jun 30, 2014; GW BRAINWORMS CREW

I got to see a Level 3 space station kill 24 Mon Cal cruisers by itself once. That was wacky.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 20:45

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

More games in three days, they're probably stringing this out until Grim Fandango Remastered. It'll be interesting to see if they manage to get Shadows of the Empire working in Windows 7, that would be a lot of work for a game that hasn't aged well.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:25

Chairman Capone: Dec 17, 2008

I replayed Shadows of the Empire N64 a year or so ago, and boy, there was some weird physics in that game. When you're on the train, when you jump, the train moves beneath you.

The IG-88 fight was still pretty fun, though.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 02:56

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

The thought just occurred to me that GOG might release a copy of Jedi Knight that isn't completely messed up.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 15:36

Nckdictator: Sep 8, 2006; Just..someone

It's the 1980's, you're publishing Star Wars comics in the UK, who do you get to write a few? Why, Alan Moore of course

Blind Fury

quote:

A young Luke Skywalker is training with a remote while blinded, imagining he is in hell, attacked by beasts, with his X-Wing on automatic pilot when suddenly he gets a distress transmission from a woman, only hearing the words 'Garn' and 'tower' before the signal degenerated into a battle of static.

When he reaches Garn, it seems as a diseased bloated world, and he hears terror in the woman's voice. Realizing that he heard of Garn before but not remembering what it was, Luke enters the planet. He sees the tower, jutting like a cancerous talon from the dismal landscape. As Luke enters the tower, the door closes behind him and he sees dark beasts. A man's voice welcomes him to 'the halls of his damnation'. Luke discovers soul-snares, capable of holding a life force for all destiny and then discovers Jedi Knights in armor.

The man speaks again claiming to be 'the vengeful remains of Rur, high shaman of the terrible glare', although these were supposed to be eradicated by the Jedi thousands of years ago. The man explains that his body was no more but that his mind was encoded and preserved within the devices of knowing and that he traced Luke because of his sensors detecting a lightsaber. Because Rur had been in the computer for so long, he lost track of time, thinking the Pius Dea crusades were only months ago, when they were actually thousands of years ago.

Understanding the danger he is in, Luke tells him that all the jedi are killed and that he got his lightsaber from the last one. Thinking Luke is lying the man checks his sensor but finds that Luke's pulse has indeed stayed calm. Realizing his vengeance is in vain, he destroys the labyrinth.

While watching the flames for a long time, Luke thinks of hatred and of obsession and blindness. That of Rur and that of his own.

Dark Lord's Conscience

quote:

On the planet Cheelit, Darth Vader accepts an invitation to a game of Firepath from the ruler Dhol. During the match the Dark Lord reveals he was also challenged by the Guild of Vindicators to another game of wits, believing they wish to kill him. Meanwhile, outside the Hive Palace, two stormtroopers stand guard against any trouble. Clat the Shamer appears from the night startling the two troopers. Before either of the troopers can fire at the mysterious shape, Clat used his powers as an empath to drive first one trooper, and then the other insane with the guilt of their past deeds.

After dealing with the troopers, Clat moves into the palace, interupting the game of Firepath to confront Vader. While trying to use his empathic powers on the Sith, the Vindicator moves onto the Firepath game board. Believing he had influenced his mind, Clat is surprised when Vader continues to call out a turn in his game. When he does so, the fire meant to consume the game piece burns him instead. After the death of his would-be assassin, Vader admits to knowing that Dhol assisted the Vindicators in luring him to the planet. Vader then executes one last move, burning Dhol to death as well.

Tilotny Throws a Shape

quote:

After being forced to land on an unidentified planet, Princess Leia Organa tries to escape from pursuing Imperial troops. She stumbles upon the remains of some Imperial stormtroopers that had been lying there for thousands of years. Meanwhile, a spirit called Tilotny "throws a shape" and is followed by three more spirits. Leia soon meets them, along with three stormtroopers. Tilotny decides to play with them, and kills one stormtrooper by turning him into a diamond. After that she turns Leia's heart into a diamond too and mixes the remaining stormtroopers together. After being tired from playing, Tilotny leaves the spirit called Splendid Ap to restore everything to normal. Splendid Ap revives the four beings, but not being aware of the concept of time, mistakenly places the stormtroopers eight thousand years in the past. It was the remains of these stormtroopers that Leia discovered.

I love how "Un-Star-Wars-like" these are, their like something out of '80's Vertigo Comics.

# ? Jan 25, 2015 00:39

Wheat Loaf: Feb 13, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

I want to observe that "the Order of the Terrible Glare" is a brilliant name. Seriously, it's great, even if I can't explain exactly why.

# ? Jan 25, 2015 02:01

Chairman Capone: Dec 17, 2008

I remember that the stuff from Tilotny Throws a Shape is mentioned in the Darth Plagueis novel. And that one of the last Essential Guides used the Order of the Terrible Glare also, though I remember it makes it a part of the Jedi who participated in a racist crusade or something dull like that.

# ? Jan 25, 2015 03:33

Megachile: Apr 5, 2014

Nckdictator posted:

'Rur, high shaman of the terrible glare'

Mortal enemy of Braco, guru of the healing gaze.

# ? Jan 25, 2015 06:04

Wheat Loaf: Feb 13, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

Those Moore stories also featured Wutzek, the last Force Demon, whose kind once ruled the galaxy millions of years ago.

# ? Jan 25, 2015 11:16

Grendels Dad: Mar 5, 2011; Popular culture has passed you by.

At this point, who didn't rule the galaxy millions of years ago?

# ? Jan 25, 2015 15:12

Ensign_Ricky: Jan 4, 2008; Daddy Warlord
of the
Children of the Corn

_{or something...}

Grendels Dad posted:

At this point, who didn't rule the galaxy millions of years ago?

The Gungans.

# ? Jan 25, 2015 19:25

Tensokuu: May 21, 2010; Somehow, the boy just isn't very buoyant.

Georgy-boy complains that Disney bought his Episode VII ideas and tossed them in the circular file.

There is a God.

# ? Jan 25, 2015 23:13

Chairman Capone: Dec 17, 2008

Tensokuu posted:

Georgy-boy complains that Disney bought his Episode VII ideas and tossed them in the circular file.

There is a God.

I honestly think this is a bad thing. I think the original trilogy showed that when Lucas came up with a general idea and then others wrote the script based on those ideas, they came out great.

Instead we now have the film being based entirely on what JJ Abrams, writer of such films as Armageddon and Gone Fishin', came up with.

# ? Jan 25, 2015 23:51

Nessus: Dec 22, 2003; After a Speaker vote, you may be entitled to a valuable coupon or voucher!

On the other hand, this means that if Episode 7 is bad, or doesn't stimulate the childhood reptilian hind brain in the correct way, people may have to come up with a new explanation why.

It will be "Disnification" combined with complaining about lens flare/camera shot swoopiness on Abrams' part. I have foreseen it.

# ? Jan 25, 2015 23:52

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

Chairman Capone posted:

I honestly think this is a bad thing. I think the original trilogy showed that when Lucas came up with a general idea and then others wrote the script based on those ideas, they came out great.

Instead we now have the film being based entirely on what JJ Abrams, writer of such films as Armageddon and Gone Fishin', came up with.

It will create a world where people will honestly exclaim "Disney ruined the franchise, they need to give it back to George Lucas"

# ? Jan 26, 2015 04:05

KurdtLives: Dec 22, 2004; Ladies and She-Hulks can't resist Murdock's Big Hallway Energy

Chairman Capone posted:

Instead we now have the film being based entirely on what JJ Abrams, writer of such films as Armageddon and Gone Fishin', came up with.

Lawrence Kasdan has a great track record so hopefully he will keep Abrams from going full retard.

# ? Jan 26, 2015 07:03

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

Apparently the next 3 Lucasarts games on Gog will be Jedi Knight, Starfighter, and Republic Commando. Jedi Knight might be exciting since the Steam release is such a mess.

# ? Jan 26, 2015 08:05

thrawn527: Mar 27, 2004; Thrawn/Pellaeon
Studying the art of terrorists
To keep you safe

Chairman Capone posted:

I honestly think this is a bad thing. I think the original trilogy showed that when Lucas came up with a general idea and then others wrote the script based on those ideas, they came out great.

Instead we now have the film being based entirely on what JJ Abrams, writer of such films as Armageddon and Gone Fishin', came up with.

He also wrote both Star Trek movies, the first two seasons of Alias, Super 8, Mission Impossible: III, and (if you're going back to Gone Fishin', so can I) Regarding Henry. Plus he has Lawrence Kasdan co-writing. I wouldn't worry just yet.

# ? Jan 26, 2015 17:29

Big Mean Jerk: Jan 27, 2009; Well, of course I know him.
He's me.

No point worrying until we've at least seen the first full trailer.

Also, everyone should play the Fantasy Flight X-Wing Miniatures game. It's :krad:

# ? Jan 26, 2015 17:31

Van Dis: Jun 19, 2004

thrawn527 posted:

He also wrote both Star Trek movies, the first two seasons of Alias, Super 8, Mission Impossible: III, and (if you're going back to Gone Fishin', so can I) Regarding Henry. Plus he has Lawrence Kasdan co-writing. I wouldn't worry just yet.

All of those are terrible

# ? Jan 26, 2015 18:02

Drone: Aug 22, 2003; Incredible machine

How much Beastie Boys and Slusho Cola can JJ fit into the new Star Wars?

# ? Jan 26, 2015 18:12

Cross-Section: Mar 18, 2009

Background cantina alien ordering a Slusho. The name even sounds Star Wars-ey.

# ? Jan 26, 2015 18:14

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# ? May 15, 2024 17:39

brozozo: Apr 27, 2007; Conclusion: Dinosaurs.

Casimir Radon posted:

Apparently the next 3 Lucasarts games on Gog will be Jedi Knight, Starfighter, and Republic Commando. Jedi Knight might be exciting since the Steam release is such a mess.

What's wrong with Jedi Knight on Steam?

# ? Jan 26, 2015 19:18

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > Geeky Star Wars Loser Thread Episode VII: Attack of the bugnest orgies

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