|
Stop panicking, people. All those Ds. Gah. Relax, we're good. Just got to monetize our children properly. £175m, C, C, D
|
#
?
Jan 31, 2015 14:43
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 29, 2024 08:52 |
|
|
Q1. Considering our financial situation, I am afraid to go "Shut up and take my money" on Wage/Transfer Budget. But I believe an increase is in order. (168m) Q2. Well we can't let the debt pile, so we gotta sell some players that most likely will never see the pitch for us. Otherwise we will end up selling our best players.(B) Q3. Q4. Seriously those addicts REALLY some help! (E) Dreamsicle posted:I'd rather have him taken down a peg via repeats of 2024-25 instead of running Wrexham like WCW. That mean Brown would start being like Eric Bischoff or even Vince Russo  Bailey isn't helping us. Said to say but we gotta sell him. habeasdorkus posted:respones to stab. I think he was joking.
|
|
#
?
Jan 31, 2015 19:11
|
|
|
180 mil C D D Also sell Thiago.
|
|
#
?
Jan 31, 2015 20:49
|
|
|
180 mil., B, D, B. Seriously, chill out everybody. The team will be fine, just needs a bit of fat-trimming. I suggest also selling Callum Allen, but keeping Thiago. Also, I think it's time to cut/sell Justin Bailey. The man is a legend, but he's just very expensive dead weight at this point. Get rid of him then give him a cushy coaching contract (that's still considerably less than his playing wage) in a few years. We didn't get to this point by being loyal to our players. Insertnamehere31 fucked around with this message at 21:37 on Jan 31, 2015 |
|
#
?
Jan 31, 2015 21:24
|
|
|
First of all, guys, you don't sell both your rotation options and your new kids. You do one or the other, and I think that overall, it's healthier for the club to get rid of surplus, older players so new guys have a chance to shine. Also, don't sell the arguably best striker in the world who we paid out of the rear end for, geez. Homegrow an acceptable alternative first and wait until Thiago is actually slowing down to sell him - Italy loves old, washed-up players, they'll be all over him. Taking that into account, I'll vote for a 170 mil budget, B, C and C .
|
|
#
?
Jan 31, 2015 21:36
|
|
|
Can we not sell Thiago? I'd rather we not become Spurs.
|
|
#
?
Jan 31, 2015 21:42
|
|
|
I dunno, I think Thiago is losing his heat. Time to kick him out and bring in some new hotness.
|
|
#
?
Jan 31, 2015 22:03
|
|
|
For my part, I like the look of the number 170 Million. For the other options let's go for C B C because I love home-grown Canadian content.
|
|
#
?
Jan 31, 2015 22:14
|
|
+ 
= 
|
Unless we can get 10 figures (which we wont), Thiago stays.
|
|
#
?
Jan 31, 2015 22:15
|
|
|
KDavisJr posted:That mean Brown would start being like Eric Bischoff or even Vince Russo He could also be Dixie Carter or '99 Kevin Nash who may have been a worse booker than '00 Russo. Bailey's like 33 anyway, he should be coaching at this point and whoever wins the prediction contest. should force him to retire and give him godly coaching stats.
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2015 00:52
|
|
|
£175m B C C
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2015 01:36
|
|
|
150m B C B Let's tighten the belts, but not sacrificing what's made us great in the first place.
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2015 07:35
|
|
|
habeasdorkus posted:Because you seem to think I'm stupid, I'm going to go through this point by point. The God-King is angered! Foolish criminals, you have stirred His rage for nothing, now it is time to run for your lives lest you get eaten by the Great Dragon! On a more serious note: 160 million proved enough to win plenty of silverware this year, no need for a raise just now since we're not in the best financial position. Need more money, sell more players B - let us sell some established, costly players - not necessarily 80 millions worth but let's trim the fat (especially those who get injured every 2 matches played) C - if we sell first team players, we have to make sure we can train better, younger ones B - let's try to get some more money in
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2015 10:47
|
|
|
KDavisJr posted:Unless we can get 10 figures (which we wont), Thiago stays.
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2015 11:06
|
|
|
£165m B C C
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2015 11:27
|
|
|
£160m B C D The fact is that we don't (yet) have the cash reserves and revenues of the long established clubs. And even being more established doesn't make financial disaster impossible as Man City have shown. I would like us to remain firmly within our means. I also think that we are better off selling more established players rather than the ones who have yet to develop their value. We have some interesting prospects coming up, some of whom have already put in good performances for us, and it would be a shame to waste them. Finally, I am happy to support Habeas with his little side project...
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2015 19:10
|
|
|
Munin posted:£160m B C D Well, long established clubs don't got much in terms of cash reserves, they're mostly broke as poo poo. I see your point tho.
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2015 19:27
|
|
|
stab posted:
No, I'm sorry. You were just trying to help and I was a jackass about it. When I play my next solo game I'll try the loaner thing, because I've never seen it work that way. But for this game, I feel like it'd take too much control out of the hands of the board (which already has too little control as is in the day to day running of the club). I wanted to give a voting update too, in case anyone wanted to change their vote. Question 1: Budget Currently stands at 162.85m after 30 votes. Question 2: Payfor a) Put it on the tab: 6 b) Sell off high priced first teamers: 11 c) Sell off reserves: 8 d) Firesale: 6 Any choice could still win this, but B picked up a lot of votes recently. Dreamsicle, I had to put you down as a D because it was the closest to any of the available options. Question 3: Youth stuff a) U15 Coaching: 1 b) U15 Recruiting: 1 c) Both: 20 d) Neither: 9 Looks like we're going to have top quality youth coming in. Someone asked how it was working out on the sales front, and I have to say we haven't had much chance to see it in action as just a few years ago it was still subpar. We're regularly getting several guys with 2 star potential, though, who are worth a couple million when they graduate from our academy. Question 4: Feeders a) Loaner: 5 b) Financial: 10 c) Youth System Improvement: 5 d) USMNT: 12 e) None: 3 A tight match here, the main reason I added the USMNT option was because a third of our ingame board are American:  And also because I'm tired of seeing 4 star potential players like David Hunt waste away at Westchester FC because the US teams are terrible at scouting their own nation. I should add that we've tried to get another financial link in the past, but that we've failed because the board couldn't find a worthwhile affiliate. I'm guessing that if we get one it'd be in China as we already have Chivas USA. habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 20:52 on Feb 1, 2015 |
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2015 19:39
|
|
|
I'm pretty sure the one thing I have voted for thus far was "sell Thiago", and that was probably counted as 2-B. So let's make it formal: 2) B. Sell off high priced first teamers 3) C. Both 4) D. USMNT (I am one of those American in-game board members, after all)
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2015 20:02
|
|
|
Chapter the Thirteenth: Bon voyage, Bruno Santos. April 25, 2027-May 18, 2027 We've already stumbled too much over the past month to even match Manchester United's record 100 point season. That leaves us with only one goal. Winning the Champions League. To do that we need to defeat Bruno Santos in his swan song.  I'm going to miss him. vs Chelsea, April 27, 2027 Champions League, Semifinal Home Tie  It would behoove us to get off to a fast start against Chelsea and bank several goals for our trip to Stamford Bridge. I really wish I could count on Thiago to provide us some offense, but he's only scored 13 goals since the start of 2027, and 3 of those came against League One Bury in the FA Cup. 10 goals against real opposition in 24 games is a huge decline in production. Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control Starting 11: Minami, Reed, Tounkara, Hammatt, Loseille, Laux, Shirra, Mercado, Allan, Mujkic (c), Stringel. Subs: Kocsis, Cirjak, Quiboulaz, Maloney, Ünsal, Parr, Thiago. Mujkic's discipline issues continue, he picks up a yellow card after tripping the Chelsea right fullback in the first couple minutes. A few minutes after that, though, we grab the lead with a sublime, marvelous bomb by Isaac Stringel, who pressed centerback Besar Lluca hard for the ball and then unleashed the mammoth drive with Lluca hanging all over him. Ten minutes later Loseille makes an inch perfect tackle at midfield, and Stringel's off to the races. He arrives in the box with four blue jerseys collapsing on him, so rather than taking the low chance shot he slides a perfect ball to the late arriving Callum Allan, who has all day to finish. We're blessed by more Stringel brilliance when Chelsea's defensive midfielder fails to control a throw from his keeper, Stringel's able to hustle to the ball and move it on to Mujkic, who has only daylight in front of him. It's three-nil after thirty-three minutes on the Meteor's 100th career goal for Wrexham. Four minutes later and String grabs his second goal of the game, this one created by Allan after a poorly aimed header by Chelsea's left midfielder gives our attacking midfielder room to run and plenty of space to pass ahead to our striker. Most delightful to me is that at halftime we've created two clear cut chances and two half chances, and scored four goals. It doesn't take long into the second half for Stringel to polish off his hat trick, as Mercado is able to get him the ball in the six yard box by somehow weaving a pass through four tightly packed Chelsea defenders. From there on out we slow down the pace and focus on keeping Chelsea from scoring, and finish out a resounding victory. Barring an act of divine intervention we're going to defend our Champions League title. Man of the Match: Isaac Stringel   Wrexham 5-0 Chelsea  Sure, blame your players. I bet they just love that. I hope they don't react poorly considering you're still fighting to qualify for the Champions League.  Oooh, Napoli managed to draw United in Manchester, and grab an away goal to boot. United are going to have to play well in the shadow of Vesuvius to book their own spot in the final. I'm hoping they fail, it would be nice to see someone other than Manchester United playing us for all the marbles.  Get your damned flu shots! Not for yourselves (although not getting the flu is nice) but for all the young kids and old people who could actually get seriously ill!  Bayern's Duhnke has recovered well from his torn hamstring, but I still don't see how he could be better than one of our players.  I'd say “Take that, Arfon Griffiths” but that dude not only coached the club but later became club president. I'd have to go another twenty years as manager before I even got close to his level of longevity. vs West Ham United, May 1, 2027 Premier League  With nothing on the line I'm going to be giving several of our younger players time on the pitch over our final four matches. I'm also going to give Thiago a chance to answer Stringel and show me why he should get his job back. Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control Starting 11: Kocsis, Cirjak (c), Tounkara, Quiboulaz, Mattuschka, Zouaghi, Ünsal, Moctezuma, Pickee, Damgaard, Thiago. Subs: Minami, Leandro, Marquez, Bailey, Bale, Alvir, Blyth. West Ham scores the first goal. Unfortunately for them, it was an own goal. The rest of the match is a desultory affair, but we never let the Hammers threaten and gave kids like Alvir, Marquez, and Mattuschka their first taste of the Premier League. Still nothing from Thiago, though. I really think he might have become Fernando Torres. Man of the Match: Dramane Tounkara   Wrexham 1-0 West Ham  The final loan report of the year comes in. While our players generally did well (with a couple exceptions... looking at you, Libor Ciganek and Keith Coleman) only Ellis Rickard had a very good season. He finished third in the Championship in goals scored, a solid total for a kid of twenty.  Super Mercado is calling it quits after a fifteen year career that saw him score 187 league goals, rack up 106 assists, win six La Liga titles and another two Premier League titles, two Europa League crowns, and possibly two Champions League trophies... not to mention being a four time Ballon d'Or winner, three time World Player of the Year winner, and innumerable other major honors. Hombre is going to go down as one of the best players of all time.  Napoli got me the greatest gift possible for my birthday, not having to play Man U for the fifth straight time in a major trophy showdown.  Let's hope United screw up the FA Cup final as badly as they did last year. I'd love for them to be shut out of the major honors. At Chelsea, May 5, 2027 Champions League, Semifinal Away Tie  All Chelsea can do is hope to restore some of their pride with a solid victory. I don't want to give Santos the pleasure, so we're going to come out and try to win this match. I won't be using James Loseille or Mateo Mujkic, however, as they're both one yellow card away from a suspension and it would be the height of irresponsibility to risk them for the final just to stick it to a retiring coach. Starting Formation: 4-5-1 Counter Starting 11: Minami, Reed, Hammatt, Laux, Quiboulaz, Maloney, Shirra, Allan, Parr, Damgaard, Stringel. Subs: Kocsis, Cirjak, Tounkara, Bailey, Ünsal, Mercado, Thiago. Chelsea start the match with more vim and vigor than they showed at the Racecourse, but we're still first to score thanks to a Shahed Parr strike from outside the area. Now Chelsea need seven goals to survive. That becomes eight when Wrexham whipping boy Bravo Lluca puts it into his own net, and we storm out to a two-nothing lead before the break. In the second half things get even worse for the home team, as Shahed Parr is tackled from behind in the penalty area after 55 minutes. It's an abject capitulation at Stamford Bridge, and Santos has fled to the far edge of the technical area to try and avoid my raucous laughter at his expense. The trip of Parr does make me pull him from the game, the last thing I need is him getting hurt in garbage time. We see the match out with class, but I make sure to pull a baseball cap low on my head and sneak into Bruno's post game press conference. Man of the Match: The Golden Boy   Chelsea (0) 0-3 (8) Wrexham  That felt so, so good.  With the final being held at the San Siro in Italy you'd expect Napoli to have some home field advantage, but I'm not sure the Milanese will be all that eager to see so many Neapolitians streaming up from the south.  The club will pick up another £5.5m for making the final.  Up the Swans! England will never have their precious Cup back! Now Ryan McLeod is left to explain to the press why the Community Shield is enough to merit calling his season successful. At Southampton, May 9, 2027 Premier League  Why yes, we are throwing this match in an effort to get Southampton into the Champions League. I'll be looking for my check in the mail, Sky Shadowing. If you can't beat a team where the oldest starter is Ali Bouzid, who turned 19 in February, I don't know what to tell you. I do know that you need to win this game to have any hope of catching Chelsea, who've opened up a five point lead on you with two games to play. If they beat Tottenham you're toast anyways. Starting Formation: 4-4-2 Vivace Starting 11: Landgraf, Leandro, Sadula, Spyropoulos, Mattuschka, Marquez, Bale (c), Lewis, Bouzid, Blyth, Moctezuma. Subs: Kocsis, Patel, Davies, Zouaghi, Alvir, Hubert, Yilmaz. Well, I don't know what to say. It was 22 minutes in and Ali Bouzid had just put Wrexham ahead one-nil. Then it was still one-nil at the half, and Chelsea were beating the tar out of Tottenham. Finally, it's two-nil after 78 minutes and a Rodrigo Moctezuma goal, while Chelsea are still up by three. I guess you could say you were let down by Noel Tosh again in the Chelsea match, but that would ignore the result on the field. Man of the Match: Mehmet Sadula   Southampton 0-2 Wrexham  Seriously, how do you lose to a group of teenagers? vs Derby County, May 12, 2027 Premier League  I'm going to try and avoid having our starters play more than one of the two matches we have left before the Champions League finale, I don't want a major cog in our machine getting broken when there's nothing on the line. Starting Formation: 4-4-2 Vivace Starting 11: Minami, Cirjak, Hammatt, Tounkara, Maloney, Mercado, Mujkic (c), Pickee, Stringel, Thiago. Subs: Kocsis, Quiboulaz, Laux, Zouaghi, Allan, Damgaard, Parr It's the 21st minute, and something wonderful has happened. Thiago's found the net again! Isaac Stringel adds a second, but takes a knock and I pull him in an abundance of caution. Thiago scores again late, and it's looking like he might have finally ended his months-long funk. Man of the Match: Thiago   Wrexham 3-0 Derby vs Leeds United, May 16, 2027 Premier League  A win will set a new club points record of 99. A win of two goals would set a new club record for goal differential, while a win by four goals would set a new Premier League record. A win or a draw would set a club record for fewest losses in a season. That's about all we have to play for. Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control Starting 11: Kocsis, Cirjak, Tounkara, Laux, Quiboulaz, Bailey (c), Ünsal, Moctezuma, Mercado, Damgaard, Thiago. Subs: Minami, Loseille, Hammatt, Zouaghi, Allan, Parr, Stringel. Goals from Dramane Tounkara in the first half and Thiago in the second allow us to close out the league season on a high note. Justin Bailey, who's been with us since the start, wins the man of the match award thanks to his two assists. Man of the Match: Justin Bailey.   Wrexham 2-0 Leeds   Ah, that's more like it. Once we get the rest of our Champions League money we'll be back in the black.  Everton finished 7th last season, and were in the Europa League this year. That's what they get for selling their star player to Manchester United on the final day of the transfer window.  Now Everton will lose their other star, defensive midfielder Andre Williams. I don't know that they're going to come right back up to the Premier League.  Noel Tosh does what he does best, leading his club to relegation for the seventh time in his career, and Tottenham are proven fools for trusting him. They suffer their first relegation since the 1970s for their foolishness. I couldn't be happier about it.  It's a far cry from the 40 goals he scored the previous year, but Thiago still wins the golden boot.  He also picks up the Player of the Year award, showing that the media have no clue what they're doing.  Meanwhile, James Loseille takes over for Isaac Stringel as the  And I get another bauble.  Only a handful of our players make the team of the year, though, which strikes me as odd. It is nice to see a player from a smaller club make it, though, as Crystal Palace's attacking midfielder Eddie Keevil did.  Godspeed, you crazy rear end in a top hat.  Chelsea are keen on the man who's lead Braga to the Portuguese title two years in a row.  But instead they go with their former coach, Victor Romanchuk, who had previously ditched them to coach the English national team to a first knockout round exit at the World Cup.  Take him. I can find someone better.  Or not. Darn. De Campos is our only coach who isn't a 4.5 or 5 star marvel.  Bring on El Tri! I want to avenge our U20 team.  Ah crud. I'd forgotten about this. He can wait for my offer until after the Champions League final, though.  Is it not enough that you took their other star? Must you steal Williams too?  Apparently so.   Now if you'll excuse me, I've got something to take care of in Italy. Hey, screw you buddy. Ryan McLeod would have been nice and friendly in the run-up to the final, but instead you had to make this personal.  So I just realized something at the press conference in Italy. Mexico called up Isaac Stringel to play in the Gold Cup. I figured that wasn't going to matter, the matches don't start until the second week of June. But no, he's already in their camp. So now we're going to have to play the Champions League final without him, because Mexico thinks their friendlies before the goddamned worthless Gold Cup are more important than the Champions League Final. I will grind your bones into powder for this, Mexico.  I will be doing a minute-by-minute of the Champions League final on this thread, as well as putting up a choppy, not very good stream on Twitch. That will take place on Monday at 3pm EST (8pm GMT/9pm CET) and will run for about two hours. Veni, vidi, vici!
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2015 20:48
|
|
|
I guess the awards are like the Oscars in that you get yours the year after you actually deserved it. Ain't that right Denzel?
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2015 21:24
|
|
|
habeasdorkus posted:Why yes, we are throwing this match in an effort to get Southampton into the Champions League. I'll be looking for my check in the mail, Sky Shadowing. If you can't beat a team where the oldest starter is Ali Bouzid, who turned 19 in February, I don't know what to tell you. I do know that you need to win this game to have any hope of catching Chelsea, who've opened up a five point lead on you with two games to play. If they beat Tottenham you're toast anyways. No check for not sealing the deal! 
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2015 21:35
|
|
|
Btw, on my sell older players vote I want to add that I would prefer us to keep our big stars obviously. Specifically I would be upset if we were to sell either Bailey or Mujkic. That said I would not be entirely averse to selling Thiago if a suitably stupendous offer came in (without soliciting it). With him now aged 29, following a by his standard mediocre season and also a more recent import I am more open for a sale. The price should be stupendous considering how good a player he is though.
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2015 21:35
|
|
|
C. Everett Koop posted:I guess the awards are like the Oscars in that you get yours the year after you actually deserved it. Ain't that right Denzel?
|
|
#
?
Feb 1, 2015 21:39
|
|
|
Should we expect an update anytime soon or are you like the rest of the Bostonians going on a week or two long bender?
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2015 06:07
|
|
|
I'm postponing the champions league final, as my computer has died. Hopefully a new power cord will fix the problem, otherwise this lp will come to an unexpected and unplanned pause.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2015 06:16
|
|
|
habeasdorkus posted:I'm postponing the champions league final, as my computer has died. Hopefully a new power cord will fix the problem, otherwise this lp will come to an unexpected and unplanned pause. You have it saved somewhere else, do you not?
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2015 06:29
|
|
|
No, because I am a dumb person. However, the power cord is definitely the problem, and I'll get my new one on February fourth. Also, as you pointed out, I'm on a week long bender, because gently caress yes Touchdown Tom, and gently caress yes New England Greatriots. I've been listening to nothing but Queen and Andrew WK since I got home two and a half hours ago.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2015 06:36
|
|
|
160 million B C B gently caress the pats
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2015 18:19
|
|
|
Good news everyone! I braved life and limb in a heavy snowstorm to get a new power cord, which means that the final will now take place Tomorrow at 2pm EST, 7pm GMT.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2015 18:51
|
|
|
Gonna suggest something a tad different for our budget woes: somebody use their boon to alter the population figures for our region in FM. Obviously we still wouldn't have the same sort of numbers as the Manchester or London teams, but between the decade of football greatness and the millions of dollars being added to the local economy directly by the club (to say nothing of the secondary effects as the money and jobs ripple outwards), I'd say an extra ten or twenty thousand people in the region might be a possibility. On a somewhat related note, when is the new stadium finally going to be done? The massive loan to build it can't be helping our debt situation.
|
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2015 18:54
|
|
|
The Sandman posted:On a somewhat related note, when is the new stadium finally going to be done? The massive loan to build it can't be helping our debt situation. I think it's done at the end of the current season.
|
|
#
?
Feb 2, 2015 19:19
|
|
|
Dale Ouise posted:160 million This sounds about right. Dreamsicle posted:I think it's done at the end of the current season. Well, that should help a bit with our income. habeas, what does our current stadium seat and what will the new one seat? Also, what's our ticket price for this year? I only see that price going up after this years successes.
|
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2015 08:30
|
|
|
Yeah, the new stadium will be finished in late June. We'll go from 28,000 seats to 39,500. The new stadium can also be expanded up to 60,000 seats. Our ticket prices are fairly high, I think something like 40 quid per ticket and 750 for season tickets. That's not Arsenal levels, but it's still up there. Rebooting my computer now and loading everything up for the stream. I'll have the post up soon.
|
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2015 19:49
|
|
|
Epilogue: Live from the San Siro in Milan, it's the Champions League Final MBM by the Guardian. May 29, 2027 Welcome everyone to the San Siro here in the heart of Milan! I am Athelton Crumblesnook, your leal guide to this matchup between the upstarts of Italy, Napoli, and the Welsh Dragons, Wrexham! Can Scott Brown's squad repeat as European champions, or will Italy claim the title away from the United Kingdom, which has seen a club playing in the English League win the competition for the last four years? You can follow the game live through our servers at https://www.twitch.tv/thehabeasdorkus, but be warned, we're still using 20 year old computers and it will likely be choppy. Napoli Starting IX: Byung-Duk, Marras, Cannizzaro, Michalik, Parisi (c), Castillo, Savioli, Ouattara, Tortorici, Martinelli, Rog. The Welsh boys will have to be on guard for Dante Tortorici, one of the best offensive midfielders in the game today. Wrexham Starting IX: Minami, Reed, Tounkara, Hammatt, Loseille, Laux, Shirra, Parr, Allan, Mujkic (c), Thiago. Napoli have to be breathing a sigh of relief that Mexico has forced Isaac Stringel to join them, as it leaves Brown's team diminished and without one of their best players! 1m: And we're off, with a free kick already being given when Thiago bumps a Napoli defender. 2m: A nice, flowing move by Napoli gets them upfield for a throwin, but no nonsense from Mathias Laux to push it away. 3m: First chance for the Italians, as Minami is forced to make a save! 4m: Thiago has a shot, after deaking his man out of his boots, but can't get the shot on target. 6m: Word from our production staff has come in, we hear that the feed is down and that the ancient technology it's run on has given up the ghost no matter how many blessings they attempt. Meanwhile, Napoli are looking pretty comfortable in possession now that the eyes of the world are no longer on them. 8m: This has turned into a midfield brawl, and the tackles are almost as vicious as the commentary coming in about the lack of video. We apologize again, but it is the Guardian's policy not to make deals with Baphomet to get things working again. Nor Baal either. 10m: Wrexham finally gets the ball over the midway line for the first time in what seems like forever, but Napoli quickly regain possession. Scott Shirra is carded for a hard challenge, and play resumes. 11m: A badly timed foul by Napoli concedes a free kick right outside of the penalty area, there's no way Thiago isn't going to shoot. 12m: GOOAAAAL! Thiago's free kick is centimeters too high, but the shot cannons off the crossbar and Ed Hammatt is the first to the scene! 1-0 Wrexham 13m: Alistair Crowley, who I thought was dead, has tweeted in that he is the one to thank for that Wrexham goal, because he "had to take matters into his own hands after the stream went dead." He adds that "Baphomet is a perfectly nice fellow once you get to know him." As I transcribe that, Mujkic almost finds Thiago in front of the goal, but Byung-Duk gets there first. 15m: Now it's Wrexham on the attack, and this time Mujkic DOES find Thiago in front of the goal! Wrexham up two in barely an instant! 2-0 Wrexham 18m: John l'Dark writes in to add "Oh, I had asked my neighbor Old Scratch for some help when the feed went down as well. That might be why things turned so sharply in Wrexham's favor." I'm not sure how this missive was delivered, it appears to be a parchment scroll with dark, almost black ink. But the point is well made, Napoli have been under siege these last ten minutes! 25m: One Mr. Aligheiri writes in from Ravenna and asks "Is Wales so truly a miserable place that one would delight in demonic neighbors? I've been working on a comedy trilogy, I might have to include that tidbit!" Meanwhile Napoli have recovered their footing, and have two corners but can make nothing of them. 27m: It's turned into a game of long balls over the top, for the last two minutes both sides have been content to let the keepers do the kicking and the pace of the game has slowed dramatically. 29m: Dueling yellow cards are handed out, one to defensive midfielder Mattias Laux and the other to defender Gianluca Savioli. 32m: We've got a note here that appeared in the studio in a puff of black smoke from a Mr. H. Sloane of Ohio, that fulminates "Mr. Aligheiri sounds like a Lega Nord member, so worried about a person's neighbors. I happen to live between a nunnery and a cabal of vegan cannibals, and let me tell you that both are perfectly good people in their own way!" As I read that, Thiago scores yet again, this time from a Parr cross, and Wrexham is running away with the match. 3-0 Wrexham 33m: It appears Mr. Sloane's message has departed in the same manner it arrived. No matter to the game, though, as Wrexham seems to have things well in hand! 36m: Wrexham are having the devil's own luck on crosses, it seems like Loseille, Parr, Reed, and Mujkic all are able to find Thiago striding into the middle almost at will. Napoli have a lot of work to do if they want to salvage their chances. As I write that another Napoli defender sees yellow after tripping Callum Allan. 37m: Oh so nearly a goal! Allan gets his head on the ball but can't get it under the crossbar! Still a three goal lead to the Dragons. 43m: A Mr. Lew Cypher has written in to call me on my use of stereotype in the term "the devil's own luck." He says "Those phrases are hurtful to all of us who, by sheer accident of our birth, are numbered among the Adversary. It's hurtful, and the Guardian should know better in this day and age." Well said, Mr. Cypher, and I apologize. 45m: For the first 10 minutes it was all Napoli, but those happy days for the Italian side are looking long gone as Napoli picks up a third yellow card- this time to their captain Libero Parisi. Parisi was at fault in Hammatt's goal, and has not played any better since. 45+2: Napoli mounts a bit of offense right before the whistle, but their shot sails errantly high and wide. And now it's halftime. Thoughts in a moment. Halftime: Well, Napoli are simply having a devil of a time with the Wrexham attack, as the statistics show that they've managed just 40% possession and four shots. Three of those shots went off Wrexham defenders, while the third was blasted into the upper deck. If things don't change dramatically Wrexham will cruise to their third European title and second in a row. 46m: And we're off again! Gianluca Savioli trips Scott Shirra 10 seconds into the match, and is very lucky to not pick up his second yellow card. If Napoli have a man sent off they're toast, and may the devil take the hindmost. 48m: Thiago so nearly had his hat trick, but his header bounced wide by meter millimeters. He's looking fantastic today and Wrexham has not missed Isaac Stringel one whit. 52m: I fear I've just been told that the Demonry Advocacy Group has demanded my termination due to my repeated use of slurs against them. But no fear, loyal readers, it won't be an issue for the rest of the match, I promise. 53m: We have our first substitution to report, as Mauro Leanza has come on for Napoli to freshen their attack. It works, too, as he helps win them a rare corner. 55m: Lower tempo here from Wrexham, as they seek to run out the clock on what has been an impressive display thus far. 56m: Scott Shirra so nearly made it 4-0 with a shot that clipped the crossbar as it passed over the goal. Dante Tortorici tears upfield on the goal kick, but good defense from Loseille means his run comes to naught. 60m: Wrexham continues to play with a devil may care freedom, and Napoli just have no answer to it after an hour. 65m: Hello, this is Bamberger Cabbagepatch. I regret to inform you that Athelton Crumblesnook is no longer your correspondent for this MBM, and we at the Guardian would like to deeply apologize for his unconscionable hate speech. We here at the Guardian do not judge a person by their origin, be it the high heavens or the depths of hell, and we stand firm in our commitment to fight such injustices. I shall be taking over for Mr. Crumblesnook, and can tell you that not much has happened over the last five minutes other than Dante Tortorici picking up Napoli's fourth yellow card of the day. 67m: Oh dear. It looks like Mateo Mujkic is being forced out of the game by injury. Claus Damgaard is running the sideline to come in for the Wrexham captain. Napoli are taking the injury timeout to replace both their captain and striker with fresh blood, it's getting to desperation time for them. 69m: A loose ball in front of the Wrexham net could have given the Southern Italians a breath of life, but typical Italian indolence lets the Welsh team recover and clear the ball away from danger. 74m: Beg your pardon, this is Benedict Cumberbatch. I was just in the studios for an interview about Peter Jackson's nine-movie remake of The Lord of the Rings, and they've asked me to take over the final twenty minutes of this minute-by-minute because it appears that their regular staff is incredibly and unrelentingly racist. The Guardian would like me to apologize for their insensitivity. 75m: Wrexham is going to it's bench one more, it looks like Jonathan Quiboulaz will be coming on for Dramane Tounkara to stiffen their defense over these final fifteen minutes. 79m: Scott Brown's boys seem content to wile away these last minutes with their lead well intact, and are dilly-dallying over every last pass an corner kick. 80m: A Napoli counter-attack looks promising until the last second intervention of Jonathan Quiboulaz. That leads to Wrexham taking it straight back up the field where Steve Reed is able to find James Loseille in front of the net for a simple finish. Wrexham are floating to glory. 4-0 Wrexham 85m: With five minutes remaining Mattias Laux is making his way off the field for Justin Bailey, as the long-time Wrexham man takes his place in the defensive midfield. It's safe to say that Wrexham are now a longer shot to win than I was when nominated for the Best Actor Oscar for the Imitation Game. 88m: Thiago makes one last effort to earn his hat trick, but is offside. He's still put in a man of the match performance. 89m: At this point all Napoli can do is deny Wrexham a clean sheet, and they appear eager to do so, throwing themselves into the attack with wild abandon, as if they were Martin Freeman at a Sherlock slash-fiction reading. 90m: We'll have 2 minutes of stoppage time, and then Wrexham will claim their second championship in a row. You can see manager Scott Brown looking at the clock and wondering when time will be called. 90+3: And that's it. Wrexham is once again your Champions League titlist! And I am out of here! For the Guardian MBM, and Lord Satan below, this is Benedict Cumberbatch. Wrexham 4-0 Napoli 
habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 22:20 on Feb 3, 2015 |
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2015 20:23
|
|
|
The actual twitch is http://www.twitch.tv/thehabeasdorkus, though not much doing yet.
|
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2015 20:30
|
|
|
It's busted  Sorry guys. MBM is the best I can do
|
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2015 20:33
|
|
|
Get in!
|
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2015 20:38
|
|
|
 THIAGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
|
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2015 20:38
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 29, 2024 08:52 |
|
|
Whoop whoop.
|
|
#
?
Feb 3, 2015 20:39
|
|