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Fathis Munk
Feb 23, 2013

??? ?

ibntumart posted:

Assuming this is the US or another country under common law, then you're mixing up criminal and civil cases. A private citizen cannot press charges: only the state (usually in the form of a district attorney or US attorney) can do that.

But anyone can sue anyone else. They might get their case thrown out right away, but they can still file a lawsuit as they like.

Yeah I just mean that sometimes the state itself will sue even if the victim will not. Also nope, not the US :v:

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RenegadeStyle1
Jun 7, 2005

Baby Come Back
Aren't your knees supposed to hurt when you use stairs?

Zaphod42
Sep 13, 2012

If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.

He's not even using the meme right. How do you make up a story and then not even... ugh. :doh:

tater_salad
Sep 15, 2007


Re assault chat

Domestic violence ia usually not the same as assault... in DV cases anyone who caused physical injuries is subject to charges.. cops got tired of pulling couples appart only to come back an hour later to do it again

Assault is a bit different I dont think they are required to chsrge if the victem doesnt request it.. ive seen lots of times where they ask if they want to press charges.

Source: I watch a fuckton of cops.

Lowly
Aug 13, 2009

Bonster posted:

We use a system called Cholestech at work for health screenings and get the results back in five minutes. It only does very specific things (total, HDL, LDL, triglycerides, blood glucose and total cholesterol/HDL ratio), but it's quick and accurate.

If it's a woman, her blood work isn't exceptional. Her HDLs should be above 50, not 40. 40 is for men. Triglycerides of 119 are kind of meh - decent but not enormously fantastic. If she's at 170 total, then her LDLs (which she didn't list) are going to be slightly above 100, which is borderline high. Diet and exercise would help the numbers improve!

Her numbers are within a healthy range according to what my health care provider uses, but mine are better. :) Even so, it's totally possible to have cholesterol and BP levels in normal range if you are fat. Only about 70% of obese people have high BP/cholesteral. The problem is that being overweight and staying overweight, especially being obese puts you more at risk for a bunch of health problems, including high cholesterol and high blood pressure. The longer you stay fat, the more likely this stuff will happen because the excess fat is putting a strain on your system.

A doctor is not very likely to act the way they did in the story, but they are going to recommend losing weight to someone who is obese, regardless of their current numbers and they will be perfectly right to do that, because regardless of whether you are healthy right NOW, being obese and staying obese all but guarantees some sort of health problem eventually. No doctor is going to look at an obese person and go "Oh your numbers look fine today, so just carry on!"

Tunicate
May 15, 2012

quote:

A Dashing Hero
Restaurant | ME, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I worked at a Chinese restaurant where many people would dine and dash on the owner, who they knew couldn’t catch them due to having bad arthritis in both hands. This happens one day when I have just come into work.)

Old Lady: *comes in with her granddaughter and granddaughter’s best friend*

Me: “Just three, miss?”

Old Lady: “Yes.”

Me: *takes them to a table* “Anything to drink while you decide what you would like?”

Old Lady: “Pepsi.”

Granddaughter: “Sprite.” *giggling*

Me: “We have Sierra Mist. Is that all right?”

Granddaughter: “Yes!” *laughs*

Me: “…and you, miss?”

Granddaughter’s Best Friend: “I’ll have the same.” *smiling in an odd way*

Me: *nods and gets their drinks*

(They take another 10 minutes whispering before they ordered. They take a half hour ordering food which costs over $100.00. By now I’m suspicious.)

Me: *comes out of the other dining area in time to see them leaving without paying* “HEY!”

Granddaughter: *laughing and running*

Me: *grabs her by the upper arm* “Oh, H***, no! You will NOT dine and dash on MY shift, LADY!”

Old Lady: *comes in and hits me with her bag* “LET HER GO, YOU B****.”

Granddaughter: “OWWW! YOU’RE HURTING MEEE!”

Me: “I’m only squeezing enough to hold you! Now, lady! If you don’t stop hitting me, I will call the police!”

(An officer just happens to come in and I know him.)

Officer: “[My Name], are you having trouble?”

Me: “Can I do it just once?”

Old Lady & Granddaughter: *both pale and stop what they were doing*

Officer: *laughs* “Yes.”

Me: *I grab both women and yank them outside where I swing the granddaughter out, and release the old lady* “Your choice.”

(The old lady gave me the money for the bill, and a tip! The officer was laughing and my boss gave me a gift certificate for a free meal for my entire family!)

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

There was a GHOST here.
It's gone now.
What was the point of adding and forgetting the granddaughter's friend?

PureEvil6_13
Jun 1, 2004

I LIKE PETA AND THINK THAT SCIENCE IS EVIL

jodai
Mar 2, 2010

Banging with all due hardness.

I don't understand what's even happening. The way it's written it sounds like they order some bunch of food and then try to leave? Then the "can I do it just once?" Line is probably a reference to something, then (s)he takes them outside? You'd think that if someone's making up a story anyway they'd bother to make it a little bit coherent.

Mr E
Sep 18, 2007


I bet she was born in the wrong generation and everything.

ibntumart
Mar 18, 2007

Good, bad. I'm the one with the power of Shu, Heru, Amon, Zehuti, Aton, and Mehen.
College Slice

Das Boo posted:

What was the point of adding and forgetting the granddaughter's friend?

What is the point of any Not Always Right narrative choice, really? I've read some of the raw submissions and the NAR staff's "punch-up" is always a cavalcade of poor editorial decisions.

Tunicate
May 15, 2012

jodai posted:

I don't understand what's even happening. The way it's written it sounds like they order some bunch of food and then try to leave?
yeah, a dine and dash is when someone eats (shoots) and leaves before paying

BrigadierSensible
Feb 16, 2012

I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

Tunicate posted:

yeah, a dine and dash is when someone eats (shoots) and leaves before paying

When and where I grew up it was always called "doing a runner".

cage-free egghead
Mar 8, 2004

BrigadierSensible posted:

When and where I grew up it was always called "doing a runner".

My grandparents just told me it was a first degree felony and I'd be drawn and quartered after I was hung.

AlbieQuirky
Oct 9, 2012

Just me and my 🌊dragon🐉 hanging out
"chew and screw"

trickybiscuits
Jan 13, 2008

yospos
What is "self-insured"? Is it like "not having insurance"?

Anil Dikshit
Apr 11, 2007

trickybiscuits posted:

What is "self-insured"? Is it like "not having insurance"?

That's exactly what it is.

Fathis Munk
Feb 23, 2013

??? ?

Zaphod42 posted:

He's not even using the meme right. How do you make up a story and then not even... ugh. :doh:

You know if you want to get into the subject of proper meme usage, the confession bear one is used for most stdh on imgur and barely ever the way it's intended too, as most of those stories are just humblebrags. Improper même usage is kinda part of the imgur stdh formula imo.
:goonsay:


Haha, yes love that one. The little tumblr reblog talking about ageism makes this one.

Khazar-khum
Oct 22, 2008

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
2nd Battalion

AlbieQuirky posted:

"chew and screw"

That's East Coast. In California, it's 'dine & dash'.

In any event, I'm not sure how the owner's arthritic hands would prevent him from giving chase. Unless he has no feet and walks on his hands, but then he could play Jackie Chan and still get them.

walrusman
Aug 4, 2006

I think that dine and dash story gave me asterisk poisoning. And I still have no idea what the resolution was supposed to be.

Ailumao
Nov 4, 2004

Mr E posted:

I bet she was born in the wrong generation and everything.

If she's buying CDs she definitely is.

jodai
Mar 2, 2010

Banging with all due hardness.

Tunicate posted:

yeah, a dine and dash is when someone eats (shoots) and leaves before paying

I know what that is, especially the panda version. What I meant was the author makes it sound like they take a long time to order and then try to leave before the food comes out. Like the joke is to make people make the food but run away before getting it served to them. Maybe I was just being deliberately obtuse because on another read I can infer what's happening. It's just written really poorly. Here is my attempt to make sense of it:

This older lady and two kids try to skip out on a $100 bill. I come into the dining area just in time to see them leaving and grab one of the kids. The old lady doubles back and starts hitting me with her purse. Just as I threaten to call the police, an officer walks in. (This is where I get lost in the narrative) Then I drag them both outside and tell them "Your choice."(I guess indicating either pay the bill or get arrested? That makes sense) The old lady pays up and tips me, the officer laughs the whole time and may very well still be laughing and I got a big reward for just doing my job.

I think it's just the horrible dialogue that gives me problems with NAR. Is it really necessary for us to know they have Sierra Mist instead of Sprite?

Gyro Zeppeli
Jul 19, 2012

sure hope no-one throws me off a bridge

jodai posted:

I think it's just the horrible dialogue that gives me problems with NAR. Is it really necessary for us to know they have Sierra Mist instead of Sprite?

One of the easiest ways to spot if someone's lying is when they include more detail in their story than is necessary.

KiddieGrinder
Nov 15, 2005

HELP ME
And why would someone write "Old Lady: *comes in with her granddaughter and granddaughter’s best friend*" instead of "Two older women walk in with what I assume is their granddaughter"? :confused:

And don't forget the *giggling* *laughs* and *smiles in an odd way*, does this waiter never get people who are talking and joking among themselves? Is this some sort of Kafka-esque establishment which forbids laughter or happiness of any kind?

"Three people came in laughing and smiling, I knew they were up to something, so I kept my eye on them."

EmmyOk
Aug 11, 2013

Jesus christ it's two little girls and one old lady, loving goons.

Kimmalah
Nov 14, 2005

Basically just a baby in a trenchcoat.


walrusman posted:

I think that dine and dash story gave me asterisk poisoning. And I still have no idea what the resolution was supposed to be.

Yeah I don't get the "Can I do it just once?" thing or what the hell they were trying to describe after that.

Marley Wants More
Oct 22, 2005

woof

Kimmalah posted:

Yeah I don't get the "Can I do it just once?" thing or what the hell they were trying to describe after that.

She grabbed them and "swung them outside" or whatever, and that would be assault. So I guess she was asking for permission to commit assault in the presence of a police officer without being arrested? That's all I got.

PureEvil6_13
Jun 1, 2004

I LIKE PETA AND THINK THAT SCIENCE IS EVIL

Mr E posted:

I bet she was born in the wrong generation and everything.

She's an old soul godammit!

sweeperbravo
May 18, 2012

AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

jodai posted:

I think it's just the horrible dialogue that gives me problems with NAR. Is it really necessary for us to know they have Sierra Mist instead of Sprite?

I honestly think that the way a lot of STDH is born is people just start writing the beginning of an interaction, stilted stream-of-consciousness style, until they figure out what they want the antagonist of the story to do. Most STDHs have those long introductions where nothing's really happening yet whereas the whole story can be summed up like how you had it in a simple paragraph without the need to quote everyone's every response in a script form since most of the information is negligible and unnecessary.

monny
Oct 20, 2008

dollar dollar bill, y'all
> shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: [My Name], are you having trouble?

alternatively,

> shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: Oh, H***, no!

Bonster
Mar 3, 2007

Keep rolling, rolling

Lowly posted:

Her numbers are within a healthy range according to what my health care provider uses, but mine are better. :) Even so, it's totally possible to have cholesterol and BP levels in normal range if you are fat. Only about 70% of obese people have high BP/cholesteral. The problem is that being overweight and staying overweight, especially being obese puts you more at risk for a bunch of health problems, including high cholesterol and high blood pressure. The longer you stay fat, the more likely this stuff will happen because the excess fat is putting a strain on your system.

A doctor is not very likely to act the way they did in the story, but they are going to recommend losing weight to someone who is obese, regardless of their current numbers and they will be perfectly right to do that, because regardless of whether you are healthy right NOW, being obese and staying obese all but guarantees some sort of health problem eventually. No doctor is going to look at an obese person and go "Oh your numbers look fine today, so just carry on!"

Oh, the numbers are fine (HDL in the first case is a little low, fine the second measure, borderline at any rate, LDL is not great but would be close to 100). She said they were exceptional. They're definitely not, they're just acceptable.

Sentient Data
Aug 31, 2011

My molecule scrambler ray will disintegrate your armor with one blow!
I think "swing outside" is supposed to mean literally throwing someone like this, but I took me at least 3 readings of that section to figure out what the hell was supposed to be going on. And if its like this, I'd imagine that's also battery since physical harm came to the victims (and even the threat itself to the old woman is assault)

Pistoph
Jul 4, 2014

monny posted:

> shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: Oh, H***, no!
You rang?

Sentient Data posted:

I think "swing outside" is supposed to mean literally throwing someone like this, but I took me at least 3 readings of that section to figure out what the hell was supposed to be going on. And if its like this, I'd imagine that's also battery since physical harm came to the victims (and even the threat itself to the old woman is assault)


Assault and battering ram.

Kimmalah
Nov 14, 2005

Basically just a baby in a trenchcoat.


Sentient Data posted:

I think "swing outside" is supposed to mean literally throwing someone like this, but I took me at least 3 readings of that section to figure out what the hell was supposed to be going on. And if its like this, I'd imagine that's also battery since physical harm came to the victims (and even the threat itself to the old woman is assault)



I kind of figured it was something like that. It just didn't make much sense to me since the cop knew what they were talking about without explanation, unless they've previously been telling this guy all about their fantasies of kicking out a customer. Also because it looks like they kicked them out of the restaurant before the people paid off the bill, which seems like it would defeat the purpose of the whole thing.

Araenna
Dec 27, 2012




Lipstick Apathy
When I was morbidly obese, no one was ever shocked at my blood pressure being in the normal/low normal range. I also don't think a doctor has taken my blood pressure in my entire life.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Porpoise noise continues.

behind bullshit ovens posted:


I worked at a great restaurant in Denver that has since closed. It was owned by a guy that had a great love for the place, the food, and the staff, and working there was probably one of the best jobs I ever had. But despite the wonderful environment, I did run into the occasional rear end in a top hat customer(s).

Friday and Saturday nights we had live entertainment, and the place was always packed. I had just recently decided to try my hand at waitressing (I usually bussed tables and bar-backed), and it was my first Friday and I was really nervous. I got seated a table of six big and burly douche-bros who proceeded to complain about everything. First I was too slow getting their drink order. Then they claimed the drinks weren't right. Then I took too long to take their food order, etc.

About the time they were ready for their second round of drinks, the ringleader thought it would be funny to refer to me as "Bitch", as in "Yo bitch! I need another beer." Soon all the others start to chime in as well with a chorus of "Hey bitch! Where the hell is our food?" or "My burger is cold, bitch, go get me another one." And so on, and so on. By this point I was nearly in tears, and the table behind them had called the owner over to complain on my behalf. He came back to the kitchen to find me, and I confirmed what my good samaritans had told him.

In an absolute rage, he went over to their table, slammed their check down, and demanded they pay it immediately and leave, or he was going to call the cops. He thundered at them that NO ONE abuses his staff like the way they've treated me, that they better leave a good tip, and that they were hereby banned from ever coming back to his establishment. Meekly, they paid the check and left.

End of story? Not hardly.

That night after my shift was over, I was sitting at the bar having a much needed drink. It was about 1:00 am, and I was in no mood to be messed with. In swaggered the ringleader from earlier with a couple of his boys, only now they were even drunker and more belligerent than before. He spotted me at the bar and came over, resting one foot on the rung of my barstool. He leaned in and casually remarked, "So, how's it going....bitch."

I looked down at where his foot was, gauged just how drunk he was, and glanced at the bartender who was keeping a close eye on things, having heard about these guys earlier. He winked at me to let me know he had my back if I needed him.

I carefully hooked my foot behind the one he was resting on my barstool and jerked it forward suddenly, knocking his foot off my stool, which caused him to lose his balance and topple over backwards. He landed hard on his rear end, and his friends started to laugh. Furious, he sat up and grabbed for me, and I kicked him in the chest. By then the bartender and kitchen staff had made their way around to our side of the bar, picked the guy up, and literally threw him out of the restaurant. As he stood and brushed off the snow, the bartender remarked, "Looks like the only bitch around here is you. You've been told twice now that you're not welcome here. Don't make us tell you a third time."

The rear end in a top hat threatened to call the cops, but in the end his friends talked him out it, as it would mean having to admit a woman half his size had gotten the best of him. And God forbid he have to do that.


You kicked his leg forward from the barstool- at the bar- and you had enough force and clearance that he fell backwards. Okay?

I don't get why she didn't marry the bartender.

Sneaksie Taffer
Sep 21, 2009

bringmyfishback posted:

You kicked his leg forward from the barstool- at the bar- and you had enough force and clearance that he fell backwards. Okay?

I don't get why she didn't marry the bartender.

That manager sucks. Oh, you want to try your hand at waitressing on our busiest night? Sure, go ahead. Don't bother shadowing someone, just go all in!

KiddieGrinder
Nov 15, 2005

HELP ME
I love how it starts out she's a meek quiet little girl "I'm SOOOOOO nervous!!!" *teehee* :blush: and then starts crying when the big bullies start being mean and needs the owner to rescue her, but then when the script calls for it I mean then she suddenly has some sort of awakening and becomes rear end kicking tough gurl that doesn't take poo poo from any loving MAN. :arghfist::byodame:

It's like a character arc that movies would stretch for years to develop and cultivate, but here it's a few hours. From being physically unable to tell drunk assholes to shut the gently caress up, to physically assaulting them with zero fucks given, truly a miracle.

edit: I'm surprised she gave the part of the sick burn ending line "looks like you're the bitch now" :smuggo: to the bartender, and not herself.

KiddieGrinder has a new favorite as of 18:18 on Feb 19, 2015

Fathis Munk
Feb 23, 2013

??? ?

bringmyfishback posted:

You kicked his leg forward from the barstool- at the bar- and you had enough force and clearance that he fell backwards. Okay?

This bothered me a lot too on reading it, how is this supposed to work ?

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sweeperbravo
May 18, 2012

AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)
Nothing about that sounds particularly stdh to me, a bit self-congratulatory what with the meme and all but like you know

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