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ActusRhesus posted:What a mature and thought provoking response. You have provided nothing of substance to which to respond :eyeroll: The funniest thing is you're coming at this as if the school has a vested interest in an ADHD diagnosis, when in fact everyone besides the teacher, from the psychologist up to the admin, had the exact opposite interest. But please, fill me in on the basis for your expertise in this subject since you clearly believe you know do much.
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Feb 22, 2015 18:09
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You know, if you'd thrown out that information at the start, you have gotten more responses like what you obviously wanted in the first place. Just going "Hey, kid's teacher says he's displaying some ADHD like behaviors, is this ADHD or is my kid just bright?" is only going to get you "Who the gently caress knows? Ask a doctor."
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Feb 22, 2015 18:10
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Papercut posted:You have provided nothing of substance to which to respond :eyeroll: What exactly is your expertise? Because you seem a little defensive.
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Feb 22, 2015 18:13
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ActusRhesus posted:What exactly is your expertise? Because you seem a little defensive. Changing the subject, very nice. If only I'd paid more attention in debate class I would have some Latin to throw at your obvious evasion. I am always on the offensive when it comes to people spewing ignorance.
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Feb 22, 2015 18:17
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Cimber posted:And here is the thing. My kids class room is being taught like a 5th grade class rather than a kindergarten. When I was in K and 1st grade we got 3 recesses a day. Two of them 15 minutes in length in the morning and afternoon, and a 30 minute after lunch. We had time to play and get all that energy out. This is insane, kids in finland don't start 1st grade until age 7 and that kind of schedule seems advanced even for them.
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Feb 22, 2015 18:22
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If my kid was getting an hour of homework a day when he starts kindergarten, I'd be tempted to do it for him. While ADHD medication can be helpful, I would try things before medicating my son. My brother was diagnosed with it when he was young and dealing with how he acted with his medication when we were kids really put a dent in our relationship as adults. I know a lot of it has to do with how my mother dealt with him, but its sort of soured me towards it without trying to find reasonable alternatives. If it is genetic, my kid has a lot stacked against him. Both my brother and father were diagnosed. My husband was, but he was never medicated. He was lucky and found an outlet in doing art from a young age and getting put into an honors school that challenged him.
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Feb 22, 2015 18:41
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Papercut posted:Changing the subject, very nice. If only I'd paid more attention in debate class I would have some Latin to throw at your obvious evasion. No, I really do want to know what kind of expertise you have. Because it's clear from your posts you see yourself as clearly more knowledgeable on the subject than I am such that personal insults are apparently warranted. I am not a child psychiatrist, nor have I claimed to be one. However, the notion of ADHD being over-diagnosed is hardly some novel controversial statement. NY Times has been covering that for at least 2 years.
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Feb 22, 2015 18:43
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Your responses have been seriously condescending in general to everyone who said "Hey maybe take what the teacher says into consideration", before guy decided to throw out the (maybe true, maybe not) accusations that the teacher is incompetent and biased.
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Feb 22, 2015 18:49
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AngryRobotsInc posted:Your responses have been seriously condescending in general to everyone who said "Hey maybe take what the teacher says into consideration", before guy decided to throw out the (maybe true, maybe not) accusations that the teacher is incompetent and biased. the problem with mis-characterizing my responses is I am capable of using a scroll button. I suggested this was normal five year old behavior and was immediately accused of wanting to be the most self-righteous on the facebook mommies page for suggesting that based on what the poster described, I don't think there is an issue apart from "he's five."
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Feb 22, 2015 18:53
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Papercut posted:But please, fill me in on the basis for your expertise in this subject since you clearly believe you know do much. ActusRhesus posted:In my case it's an extremely negative experience with a teacher who was, frankly, a bully and attempted to throw a personality disorder label on me to justify her abusive behavior. [...] I am, as a result of that experience extremely hesitant to take a teacher's word for something like this absent compelling indicators. See, the actions of that one teacher totally proves that all other teachers everywhere are utterly untrustworthy, and it logically follows that any evaluation suggested by a teacher will be a complete farce conducted by monkeys dressed up in white coats, whose greatest desire is to prescribe drugs, drugs, drugs!
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Feb 22, 2015 18:58
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Thank you for proving my earlier point re: who in this thread has been condescending and overly hostile towards differing opinions.
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Feb 22, 2015 19:00
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Until you said that, he didn't say any of the things that made it absolutely "Kid is probably five". He just threw out some behaviors that may or may not indicate ADHD, which can't be known without further evaluation by someone who knows what they're doing. Then you throw out things like ActusRhesus posted:This. Drugging a five year old for blurting answers and fidgeting seems stupid. This has gently caress all nothing with wanting to be the most righteous of internet mommies (And let me just say how deliciously ironic I find that accusation in this context) and everything to do with believing that affixing a behavioral disorder label to a child for acting like a child is asinine. ActusRhesus posted:"Hi Doc...my kid's teacher says he has ADHD because he fidgets in class." ActusRhesus posted:Maybe primary school teachers should stop treating little boys like defective girls. At five there is a marked difference between boy and girl maturity and behavior. Why should they rush to label their kid with a behavioral disorder? ActusRhesus posted:There's a difference between "blaming the teacher" and taking an objective and critical view when it comes to your child. I read your posts (each with more backstory trickling out) and I really don't see someone making excuses for his kid. I see someone recognising that things here don't quite add up. Of course we don't want to have blinders on when it comes to our kids, but I really don't get that impression from what you've written.
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Feb 22, 2015 19:04
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AngryRobotsInc posted:Until you said that, he didn't say any of the things that made it absolutely "Kid is probably five". He just threw out some behaviors that may or may not indicate ADHD, which can't be known without further evaluation by someone who knows what they're doing. it would help if you included context. I seem to recall there being plenty of antagonistic remarks prompting those responses.
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Feb 22, 2015 19:08
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You first reponse like that was to Slo-Tek in which there was absolutely nothing antagonistic at all.
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Feb 22, 2015 19:11
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Slo-Tek posted:In my experience, it is a hell of a lot better for my kid to not be in trouble all the time than it is for me to be the most righteous in the facebook mommy group. That's not antagonistic?
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Feb 22, 2015 19:12
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Read the order of the posts again. That came after your response, which heavily implies they 'rushed' to get their kid slapped with a label.
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Feb 22, 2015 19:14
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Wow, yikes. The reason I mentioned ruling everything else out first is the reason that ADHD is actually over diagnosed in kids; if you're an adult getting diagnosed, you can look back at your grades from your entire school career and provide anecdotal evidence that you might have it, as well as take the proper testing. You have more information to provide, you can take the tests and discuss your thought patterns after taking them with the testing psychologist and you can help suss out any comorbid problems that you might also have (like anxiety or depression). With kids, in most places they solely (or almost solely) rely on testimony and anecdotes from teachers and parents, and if you can't see the problem with that, then I'll outline it for you: Parents are biased, and often stressed and looking for anything that will solve this problem ASAP. They're not around at school to watch their kids all day, and don't necessarily have a clear picture of how their kid is acting in class aside from what their teacher, who is also biased, is telling them. Neither the teacher or the parent IS the person being diagnosed, so while it's easy to string together a bunch of events that will convince a psychologist (and yourself!) that your kid has ADHD, it might be influenced by bias or missing key information that only your kid could tell you but might not know how to articulate it. I've met a lot of people who were diagnosed as kids, spent a few years on medication and then were 'cured' and never had to worry about it again. The problem is that ADHD isn't something that, once your prescription is done, is gone forever. People who actually have it will probably need medication for the rest of their lives. If your kid really has ADHD and medication will help where no other option will, then get them on those Meds. But I'd want to make extra sure that my kid actually has ADHD first by ruling everything else out, because as someone who has ADHD and has experienced a lot of the side effects of medication, not eating and insomnia are something that you do not want a five or six year old to have. Kids need a lot of sleep. They need healthy food so they can grow. Insomnia, lack of vitamins and nutrition because your kid won't eat their lunch and possibly developing massive anxiety are all going to cause other issues in school that the ADHD medication is not going to help with, at all. Your kid may no longer be impulsive, but at this point you may just be trading impulsive up for perpetually tired, cranky, unable to focus because they're not getting enough sleep or food or other fun things like panic attacks. The meds can help, but they can also make things worse. I'm not saying don't test, testing is important, just eliminate everything else first if you can.
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Feb 22, 2015 19:15
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ActusRhesus posted:Maybe primary school teachers should stop treating little boys like defective girls. At five there is a marked difference between boy and girl maturity and behavior. Why should they rush to label their kid with a behavioral disorder? you mean this one? Which clearly references the OPs five year old and specific teacher situation and has zero commentary on Slo-Tek's kid?
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Feb 22, 2015 19:16
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ActusRhesus posted:you mean this one? Which clearly references the OPs five year old and specific teacher situation and has zero commentary on Slo-Tek's kid? It was in direct response to their post, talking about their kid, and their experience with behavioral issues in class and with medication. Is it really that much of a surprise that it could be read as a slight against them?
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Feb 22, 2015 19:17
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raaaan posted:Wow, yikes. Thank you for this. I don't think anyone is suggesting ADHD doesn't exist (unless there are scientologists lurking) or that medication is NEVER appropriate. I work in criminal justice. We have defendants who were diagnosed as straight up sociopaths at that age. But they were doing a lot more than fidgeting in class. This, to me, based on what little info has been given, and especially the parent's hesitation, sounds more like a teacher who just wants her day to be easier rather than dealing with the fact that five year old boys fidget. AngryRobotsInc posted:It was in direct response to their post, talking about their kid, and their experience with behavioral issues in class and with medication. Is it really that much of a surprise that it could be read as a slight against them? and yet, so far, Slo-Tek has not really been jumping on the insult train. (And to clarify, Slo-Tek, I was not discussing your kid. Do what you feel you have to do, you know your kid best. But since this parent is clearly not comfortable with his kid's situation as was read between the lines evident from the first post (and the behaviors described seem normal) I'm not sure the same approach is appropriate.)
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Feb 22, 2015 19:22
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I feel that both sides have come out swinging, when it really isn't necessary. I actually agree to not jump on medication right away. But also that an evaluation can't hurt. It just comes across to me as really odd that that information was left out of the initial post, and only posted when they got an answer that fell in with what they obviously wanted to hear. There are as many parents who go "Nope, not my kid, my kid can't have a ~disorder~" as there are parents who go "Medicate my kid into a zombie, just because." The information we were initially given was very vague. They could be symptoms of ADHD depending on severity, or they could be symptoms of "Is a 5 year old." We can't know. Even throwing out that the kid is bright. My scary smart brother has ADHD, and so had the lovely combo of being too advanced for the class and having his brain conspiring against him ever paying attention. My son has been on psychiatric medicines since he was five years old. It's been the best thing for him, but I fully admit it is not the best thing for everyone. None of us can know whether or not this person's kid has an issue or not. We're not there.
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Feb 22, 2015 19:30
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ActusRhesus posted:Thank you for this. I don't think anyone is suggesting ADHD doesn't exist (unless there are scientologists lurking) or that medication is NEVER appropriate. I work in criminal justice. We have defendants who were diagnosed as straight up sociopaths at that age. But they were doing a lot more than fidgeting in class. This, to me, based on what little info has been given, and especially the parent's hesitation, sounds more like a teacher who just wants her day to be easier rather than dealing with the fact that five year old boys fidget. Being diagnosed with ADHD =/= being put on meds. Sometimes all kids need is a bit of extra behavior therapy, and they are good to go. Or sometimes all they need is a reminder chart, where they get smiley stickers on their special chart if they remained focused throughout whatever lesson they are doing, or reminders of the expected behavior (things like 'stay in your sear during X' or 'no poking your tablemates with pencils' or whatever it is the kid has problems with). Or maybe they'll get extra breaks, or maybe they'll get a one-on-one, or whatever it is they need to succeed in school. Or, you know, they might NOT have ADHD, and your kid might just need behavior reminders anyway to stay focused, or something isn't right in their life and that needs to be fixed. If your kid is having diet issues, or if there's some other factor instead of ADHD that is making them act out, you know who would be able to help you figure that out? A doctor. Or hell, you could even talk to your kid's teachers about options you can try before doing an ADHD test, just to see if there's something that can be done. But you need to actually communicate with the school in some capacity in order to do any of these things. I am being serious here when I am telling you to at least go talk to your kid's teacher about what can be done. Even if you don't want to test for ADHD, at least talk with the school and see what options you have for helping your kid with the problems he is having at school. Because even if it's not being caused by ADHD, there is a problem there, and that problem needs to be solved.
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Feb 22, 2015 20:22
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All that presupposes that there is in fact a behavioral issue. I'm still not so sure that's the case. OP has anyone else in your kid's life had difficulty? Other teachers? Family? Coaches? After school care etc?
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Feb 22, 2015 20:36
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Would OP have come here if there hadn't been some kind of behavioral issue? Besides that, if the teacher is saying something, then the OP should definitely talk to the school. Because even if there isn't a problem with the kid, there is a problem in that class somewhere, and clearly something needs to change. Hell, having a second adult (not OP, kids act differently when their parents are around, but some kind of support staff or even another teacher) would help a ton, because they would at least be able to either validate what the teacher is saying, or be able to say "no, the problem is with the teacher, not the kid."
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Feb 22, 2015 20:45
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Can't speak for OP but it doesn't sound like he agrees that there is a problem
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Feb 22, 2015 21:08
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You seriously do not want to know the number of parents that have come to me or my teacher friends saying "I don't understand why my child is failing this class/getting suspended/having trouble in class/not getting along with their peers, they're a perfect little angel!"
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Feb 22, 2015 21:20
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I totally understand the feeling of not wanting your kid to be pigeonholed or labeled as a problem kid. One thing that I found helped me is to read blogs or books of adults who had the condition you suspect your kid might have to see their perspective on school, therapy, etc. The one that stands out to me was an adult with what was termed Aspbergers then whose single parent purposely did not seek any sort of therapy or extra anything from the medical profession, nor from the school district. The idea being if you treat my kid like he's 100% "normal" (believe me there is a big 'what the hell is normal' from me on that) he will rise to the expectations and turn out functional. This person was reflecting on his childhood and seeking therapy at age 30 or so for the first time in his life. He found it very enlightening and ended up really resenting his father for being so bullheaded about it. I think it's a balance. You're right to resist a diagnosis in some cases. In our school district, they specifically will not diagnose any condition. They do assessments but your end results will read something like "high probability of X Disorder". They also don't require a formal diagnosis for that kid to receive special services. The catch is that you're more likely to get better information about your child's brain from a private psych because the school district only has to meet large general categories of "probable" disorder.
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Feb 22, 2015 21:26
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ActusRhesus posted:No, I really do want to know what kind of expertise you have. Because it's clear from your posts you see yourself as clearly more knowledgeable on the subject than I am such that personal insults are apparently warranted. I am not a child psychiatrist, nor have I claimed to be one. However, the notion of ADHD being over-diagnosed is hardly some novel controversial statement. NY Times has been covering that for at least 2 years. I met my wife while she was in grad school for School Psychology. She has been a working school psychologist for the past 10+ years. I have no personal expertise other than talking to her 300+ days per year for the past 10 years about what she does at work. From your responses, it was very obvious that 1) you had no idea what the current standards are for evaluating disabilities, and 2) you were grossly mischaracterizing the motivations of the different actors involved. The teacher has very little if nothing to do with the assessment. In fact, usually teachers are in opposition to the people doing the assessments because they are one of the few adults involved who have an active interest in an overly aggressive diagnosis (basically, get this kid out of my class). The school psychologist, counselors, therapists, social workers, etc, if they have any bias at all, is to under-diagnose. All a positive diagnosis does for them is add an extra caseload to their already over-worked schedules. Similarly, administrators have no interest in over-diagnosis because it means extra time and resources they need to devote to a kid (per legal mandate). The funny thing about you talking about the over-diagnosis of ADHD is that parents are the impetus for it, not the people in schools who are actually responsible for making diagnoses. It's a bunch of doctor-shopping parents who aren't satisfied with "your kid is getting B's because that's the effort/performance they're putting forth" who insist there's no way their exceptional child doesn't have a disability. And the aversion to this entire process is born of the same conspiracy theory garbage as the anti-vaxxers. Never trust experts, this is all the nefarious plot of Big Pharma, my child is perfect just the way they are.
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Feb 22, 2015 22:16
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I suspected as much. I'd feel for you (by proxy) taking offense to your profession being disparaged. But welcome to my world.
ActusRhesus fucked around with this message at 23:49 on Feb 22, 2015 |
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Feb 22, 2015 23:47
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Papercut posted:I met my wife while she was in grad school for School Psychology. She has been a working school psychologist for the past 10+ years. I have no personal expertise other than talking to her 300+ days per year for the past 10 years about what she does at work. I will freely admit that there is perhaps a bit of 'my fruit of my loins can't be broken, its the sucky teacher' in my reluctance for ADHD. Intellectually I am trying to tell myself 'if he was bipolar would I be reluctant to treat him?' However I do also see that sometimes ADHD can be an excuse by teachers who don't have good classroom management skills. I also want to make the excuse for him that he was in an advanced preschool before going to Kindergarten where he was starting to read, and his first month of K he was bored out of his mind learning what letters were. The teacher does say he's in the highest math and reading groups, so there is that. Yet he doesnt listen when test instructions are given and he does poorly. So is it possible that he has ADHD? I suppose it is, but i am just reluctant to leap at that diagnosis when there could be other stuff going on. I guess the next step is to talk to his doctor and see what he says.
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Feb 22, 2015 23:51
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Cimber posted:I will freely admit that there is perhaps a bit of 'my fruit of my loins can't be broken, its the sucky teacher' in my reluctance for ADHD. Intellectually I am trying to tell myself 'if he was bipolar would I be reluctant to treat him?' Unfortunately, none of us are going to be able to tell you anything beyond personal anecdotes. Could he have ADHD? Sure. Could he also just be bored because he's ahead and schools seem to have cut down on recesses where kids can burn off energy? Could his teacher be kind of a dick who should be teaching older students? Both also possible. When I was a kid, my ADHD was completely overlooked because I was a girl. My grades went from 'way ahead of the curve, reading novels by grade 1' to 'doesn't hand assignments in, barely scraping by, how are you failing art class when all you do is draw' over the course of my education. No teacher ever had anything to say about how I couldn't pay attention, had the memory of a goldfish and did literally nothing, all because I tested well and somehow managed to barely keep my head above the 'we should be concerned' line. Nothing could hold my attention, no matter how diligent people tried to get me to be with agendas and list making. My mom believed me to be lazy and purposely messing with her when things I'd been apparently using would disappear and I'd have no memory of where I put them or that I'd even been using them in the first place. As a result, I was diagnosed at 28 after I started experiencing panic attacks for really arbitrary things. My comorbid anxiety was so bad that I couldn't pick up the phone even if the caller ID was telling me it was someone I knew. Getting on medication was like walking out of a thick fog, and to this day my mother still has trouble believing that ADHD is a real thing, despite the fact that I have been medicated and thriving for the last two years. It was and is really hard not to resent her for never looking into this. Anyhow, if he does have ADHD, it's not the end of the world. I hear a lot of 'don't want the stigma of head issues' talk around stuff like ADHD, but honestly it's only as much of a stigma as you make it out to be. If he does have it and you treat it like a big horrible dirty secret, he will absolutely pick up on that and feel horrible about it. If you treat it as just something that *is*, I doubt he'll care one way or the other. It can be challenging from a parents' perspective (my husband's parents have two children who were diagnosed in elementary school and one that just barely didn't qualify and was never medicated. Stories around the dinner table confirm that their household was nuts), but if you're doing everything you can to help him succeed, there's no reason he won't become a fully functional adult with a diploma and a career eventually. I went until 28 before seeking help and have a job, family, house, car, etc., so even waiting a bit for a more accurate diagnosis isn't going to be the end of the world if that's the route you go.
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Feb 23, 2015 01:54
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Cimber posted:I will freely admit that there is perhaps a bit of 'my fruit of my loins can't be broken, its the sucky teacher' in my reluctance for ADHD. Intellectually I am trying to tell myself 'if he was bipolar would I be reluctant to treat him?' Like raaaan said, none of us here are really qualified to say. But if it's something a teacher has brought up (because, let's face it, a teacher is seeing him 7+ hours a day, five days a week. After yourself, your partner, and possibly someone close to you who sees your kid every day, your teacher is probably going to know him the best), it's worth at least looking into. And tbh, from what you are saying, at the very least he sounds like he has trouble focusing on his work and following directions. Yeah, kids will be kids, but if he is performing outside of what his classmates can do (IE if all of the other students can sit still for five minutes and listen to the instructions before starting an activity, but he can't manage that), then SOMETHING is wrong, be it ADHD or just that he has poor impulse control or that the teacher honestly doesn't have control of the whole class. And like I said before, if you are questioning the teacher's methods, it's possible to have someone follow him and observe him throughout the school day, to see what his behavior is like. It's also possible to talk to the art/music/gym teacher, since they would see him once or twice a week, and would at least be able to tell you what he is like in their class. The principal is another good resource, if only because they are typically the first ones brought in the loop if there is a problem in a classroom.
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Feb 23, 2015 05:25
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Cimber posted:So is it possible that he has ADHD? I suppose it is, but i am just reluctant to leap at that diagnosis when there could be other stuff going on. I guess the next step is to talk to his doctor and see what he says. But you're not being asked to sign a paper stating that your kid has ADHD, they're suggesting having him evaluated for it. If he was feeling ill and you took him to the doctor, you wouldn't say "But I don't want you to test him for mono, I'm reluctant to leap at that diagnosis when there could be other stuff going on." If they do the evaluation and he doesn't have it, great! If they do the evaluation and they think he might have it, they'll do more tests, and if he does get a diagnosis of some kind, he can get help that'll make life easier for him  Talking to his doctor sounds like a good idea in any case, and as of bees suggested, to other teachers and the principal. Good luck!
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Feb 23, 2015 12:02
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e: nvm
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Feb 23, 2015 17:19
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Not a teacher, but I've worked with a lot of classrooms part time over the last five years and there have been several times at break where I've pulled the teachers aside and asked about it particular kid. It's not uncommon to hear, "Yes, we've known about this for several years and the parents refuse an evaluation because they don't want the label." The problem with this attitude is that it's not just the teacher who is impacted. It's the kid themselves and the other students. Not just the neurotypical kids either. My oldest son is autistic, and one of the problems that the other autism parents encounter is that while they might have a full-time aide for their child on paper, if there's an undiagnosed kid in the class (be it ASD, ADHD, ODD, etc.), the aide is often pulled away from their child to help with the other one. It's not fair. No funding is allocated for a kid without a dx or code, and no help is offered unless you have that. The other issue is when you look at the worst case scenario from both approaches. Worst case scenario, if your kid does not need the extra help, it's not going to be forced on them. School districts don't want to pay more for a service that's not needed. The IEP is constantly being reviewed. On the other hand, a kid who needs help might not get it. To me, that has far worse and long reaching consequences than someone getting more help than they need.
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Feb 23, 2015 21:40
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I don't get why people are equating going to the doctor with automatically getting prescribed drugs. My brother had ADD and they did some targeted therapy - not drugs. Drugs are always a last resort for the vast majority of actual psychiatrists. This is the dumbest loving argument i've seen in ages. Yes if a particular kid is being worse than the rest of the kids then maybe they need some targeted guidance. The earlier you work to fix bad behaviors the better off they will be in life. My husband grew up with absolutely crazy bad ADD and now AADD and he had only had to have medication during the absolute worst times in his life but the other 99% of the time he is able to be like everyone else via maintaining good habits and having someone tell him when he is going off into hyperfocus mode or lalaland.
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Feb 24, 2015 00:46
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As an update. We went and saw the endocrinologist and she was pretty much like "yeah, he's most likely a late bloomer and your ped was scaring you for no reason." No testing other than height and weight. We'll go back in 6 months and recheck his height and weight. Kinda annoying, but good that its nothing. I was worried it was my fault because I had thyroid issues when I was pregnant. My husband talked about it with his mom and she said she had the same problems with doctors around that age. They kept accusing her of not feeding him enough and were worried he was so small, etc etc. My husband was a late bloomer, he grew another 2" after he turned 18 to a final height of 6'5" so I guess Jasper is just a late bloomer too.
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Feb 24, 2015 01:32
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Oh cool, a bunch of posts in the Parenting Thread. Man, I know we're on the "no-tantrums" edition, so people aren't having petty semantics arguments and lots of ad hominem attacks, like what got the last thread shut down. There must be some really cool things people are talking about! ...  oh.Honestly, I'm discovering that parenting opinions are almost as bad as political opinions and religious opinions in terms of how vociferously people will defend them. Both on this forum and in real life. It kind of makes me want to shut my kids away and not be exposed to (what I consider to be) worse parenting than mine own. So, question: how the hell do people with more than one kid do it? Our second is five months, and it's hell and high water just to deal with both kids day in and day out. My wife and I are exhausted. Please tell me it gets better (until we have that third kid we've talked about)...
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Feb 24, 2015 03:55
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Axiem posted:Oh cool, a bunch of posts in the Parenting Thread. Man, I know we're on the "no-tantrums" edition, so people aren't having petty semantics arguments and lots of ad hominem attacks, like what got the last thread shut down. There must be some really cool things people are talking about! It gets tons better. How old is the big kid? You can get a surprising amount of work out of a 6 year old, they can put away dishes, switch laundry, feed themselves (wouldn't count on good decisionmaking here, but they won't starve), clean their rooms, all kinds of stuff, so don't be shy about delegating. Giving kids real responsibilities around the house makes them feel happy and productive, and keeps them out from under when you are taking care of the small one. Also, the sooner your kid can read, the less minute-to-minute attention they need, so that helps a ton as well. I feel like 2 kids has been less effort than one pretty much from potty-trained on, because they can amuse (and enforce, and rat on) each other. Helps to have them close enough together that you can put them in the same activities though. at 7 and 10 mine can be in the same robots league, and same soccer league (different teams, but same meeting dates and locations), and can both be dropped off at the skating rink when I go to the gym, and so on. This may fall apart when I've got a 10 and 13 year old, but right now they have similar enough interests and capabilities that there are a lot of things they can do together, which saves a lot of driving/planning. Slo-Tek fucked around with this message at 04:10 on Feb 24, 2015 |
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Feb 24, 2015 04:07
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Axiem posted:Oh cool, a bunch of posts in the Parenting Thread. Man, I know we're on the "no-tantrums" edition, so people aren't having petty semantics arguments and lots of ad hominem attacks, like what got the last thread shut down. There must be some really cool things people are talking about! I can't offer you any hope. Our two are 22 months apart, 3.5 and 1.5 and both are really needy and they are getting to the point where they do not care for one getting attention over the other. Trying to get them both involved in something is difficult, the older one actively seeks to cut his brother out, and the younger one always wants to do whatever the older one is doing. We usually divide and conquer because joint activities lead to someone becoming upset. Once our little one can do things like color on a page without constant attention to stay on the paper or not eat a crayon, or not eat the playdoh etc. it will get better. Once the older one is a little more comfortable with playing by himself occasionally that'll be nice too. They do sometimes play together etc. and it is fantastic when it happens. We try as hard as we can to set up situations by getting them each the same toy for example. We got some valentines day balloons on sale, the mylar ones and that went fantastic. They ran around the house with them bopping them etc. and it was great. I know this isn't helpful with your LO being 5 months, but its probably going to get harder before it gets easier. Like the other poster said, once your older one is old enough to do some more independant things that'll be great. The first 6-9 months were just tough, and the baby probably got the short end of the stick in some ways. He'd be in his rocker while we engaged our toddler rock him with your foot while you color with the other one, things like that. Try to take the older one out for mommy/daddy time, go to starbucks and get him a hot coco then go to the library so the other parent can maybe catch a nap while the baby sleeps or something.
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Feb 24, 2015 04:39
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