[APPLE] crAPPLE EVENT MARCH 9TH MEGATHREAD [OFFICIAL]

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > [APPLE] crAPPLE EVENT MARCH 9TH MEGATHREAD [OFFICIAL]

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Stymie: Jan 9, 2001; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

"good morning, after a period of self-reflection and business analysis led by the principles steve jobs laid down for this company, it is with great enthusiasm that we are announcing today that we will not be releasing the iwatch. we deeply regret initiating, developing and announcing a product that goes so far against the basic tenets of good product design and i, tim cook, would like to personally apologize for approving this concept.

effective immediately, i will be stepping down as ceo of apple as my conscience dictates. further, we are pleased to announce that johnny ives has sought other opportunities as a perpetually unemployed hack. now, i'm going to hand things over to our new ceo, scott forstall, who has some exciting announcements about the phase-out of the iphone 6 line and a classic re-design of ios that will restore the functionality and design that made it great"

# ? Mar 9, 2015 17:48

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# ? May 23, 2024 22:50

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

poty posted:

what time is it?

quote:
I know, because we measure; nor can we measure things that are not; and things past and future are not.

But how do we measure present time, since it hath not space? It is measured while it passeth; but when it shall have passed, it is not measured; for there will not be aught that can be measured.

In what space, then, do we measure passing time?

Is it in the future, whence it passeth over? But what yet we measure not, is not. Or is it in the present, by which it passeth? But no space, we do not measure. Or in the past, whither it passeth? But that which is not now, we measure not.

that might have been true in the year 32 or whenever the gently caress this was written but now the answer is: we measure passing time in switzerland

switzerland is the wealthiest country per capita in the world. it has the pointiest mountains in the alps. the most competitive economy. their army has the most crap tools on their knives. and it all rides on the back of one thing: the finest timepieces known to man

poty posted:

switzerland the day before the apple watch

but on september 9 2014 tim cook got on stage and announced:

"switzerland. is. hosed."

after nokia and finland apple has a new victim in their sights. something smells rotten in switzerland and its not their cheese.

switzerland the day after

today the swiss will gather in their mandatory nuclear war shelters to learn about something no bunker will protect them from: the apple watch. how many are we allowed to buy? how many X is apple gold better than normal gold? which would have been steves favorite watch? etc

take into account dst in the us the keynote is an hour earlier than usual for the rest of the world

# ? Mar 9, 2015 17:49

cremnob: Jun 30, 2010

Stymie posted:

"good morning, after a period of self-reflection and business analysis led by the principles steve jobs laid down for this company, it is with great enthusiasm that we are announcing today that we will not be releasing the iwatch. we deeply regret initiating, developing and announcing a product that goes so far against the basic tenets of good product design and i, tim cook, would like to personally apologize for approving this concept.

effective immediately, i will be stepping down as ceo of apple as my conscience dictates. further, we are pleased to announce that johnny ives has sought other opportunities as a perpetually unemployed hack. now, i'm going to hand things over to our new ceo, scott forstall, who has some exciting announcements about the phase-out of the iphone 6 line and a classic re-design of ios that will restore the functionality and design that made it great"

shut the gently caress up

# ? Mar 9, 2015 17:49

Pinterest Mom: Jun 9, 2009

tim~

# ? Mar 9, 2015 17:50

neutral milf hotel: Oct 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Pinterest Mom posted:

tim~

BeOSPOS posted:

Tom cook slept in til 4:30am like a slob

# ? Mar 9, 2015 17:54

LP0 ON FIRE: Jan 25, 2006; _{beep boop}

Pinterest Mom posted:

tim~

seriously if this isn't normal for you, you're not fit for working at the headquarters

# ? Mar 9, 2015 17:54

funeral home DJ: Apr 21, 2003; Pillbug

LP0 ON FIRE posted:

seriously if this isn't normal for you, you're not fit for working at the headquarters

i would love to work for apple but if that's honestly the case lol gently caress no

8-5 like a normal human being, thanks

# ? Mar 9, 2015 17:55

poty: Jun 21, 2008; 虹はどこで終わるのですか？あなたの魂の中で、または地平線で?

video is up

# ? Mar 9, 2015 17:55

Linguica: Jul 13, 2000; You're already dead

I really hate the sort of bullshit mythmaking about leaders who sleep 4 hours a day / regularly go for 15 miles runs / subsist on nothing but sunlight and a thin glucose-based syrup

# ? Mar 9, 2015 17:55

HAIL eSATA-n: Apr 7, 2007

trilljester posted:

Is it Jane Time yet?

ugh, text me

# ? Mar 9, 2015 17:56

poty: Jun 21, 2008; 虹はどこで終わるのですか？あなたの魂の中で、または地平線で?

its a bit silly. what good is having more money than god if you spend all day every day slaving away

# ? Mar 9, 2015 17:56

Vintersorg: Mar 3, 2004; President of
the Brendan Fraser
Fan Club

got some left over steak and stir fry, time to see some overpriced watches

lol 1st gen apple products

# ? Mar 9, 2015 17:56

neutral milf hotel: Oct 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Linguica posted:

I really hate the sort of bullshit mythmaking about leaders who sleep 4 hours a day / regularly go for 15 miles runs / subsist on nothing but sunlight and a thin glucose-based syrup

maybe it's cuz they all wear watches

# ? Mar 9, 2015 17:56

Dr. Phildo: Dec 8, 2003; Except the heaven had come so near,
So seemed to choose my door,The distance would not haunt me so; Soiled Meat

minutes to go!
rip poty
rip cremnob

# ? Mar 9, 2015 17:57

HAIL eSATA-n: Apr 7, 2007

Linguica posted:

I really hate the sort of bullshit mythmaking about leaders who sleep 4 hours a day / regularly go for 15 miles runs / subsist on nothing but sunlight and a thin glucose-based syrup

and "work" 20 hours a day where "work" includes "not work"

# ? Mar 9, 2015 17:57