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Assless Chaps posted:I feel like people are going to be constantly asking me if we set a date (they've already started) and all that stuff, so I guess I'm just going to have to warn my family and friends, who are all very excited for me, that it's going to be a long process for us. Congrats! We started getting date questions like 20 minutes after we started calling people, it was crazy and exciting and also way ridiculous. 
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Mar 10, 2015 15:52
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ilysespieces posted:Congrats! We started getting date questions like 20 minutes after we started calling people, it was crazy and exciting and also way ridiculous. Yeah, pretty much this. It's probably annoying in a normal situation, but I think ours is going to be delayed longer than most, so it's going to be a constant theme in our lives. But thanks for the congrats! I'm very excited. I'm an old spinster (34 going on 35), so I'm a little late and extra happy.
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Mar 10, 2015 16:53
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life is killing me posted:Oh we are definitely having a wedding. She won't want to elope. Picking a date...the rest is fairly impossible to set without a date due to scheduling. Once to have a date or a general idea of a date I'd recommend Reception Location, Photographer and DJ as being first priorities. Caterer MAY be up there too if the Reception Location doesn't have one they use.
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Mar 10, 2015 18:15
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And "picking a date" really means picking a month, until you have a venue booked. Or even just a season, if you are talking about 2016. Like Fall 2016 is specific enough for now.
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Mar 10, 2015 18:26
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OssiansFolly posted:Picking a date...the rest is fairly impossible to set without a date due to scheduling. Once to have a date or a general idea of a date I'd recommend Reception Location, Photographer and DJ as being first priorities. Caterer MAY be up there too if the Reception Location doesn't have one they use. We had to do picking a date along with other things like picking a venue and getting the legals sorted. It was a bit of a ball-juggling situation, but we weren't too set on a specific date (although had a month in mind) and it was more about when the venue we liked was available, and whether the registrar was also free on that day at a time we liked. We're in the UK though where we are quite restricted on officiants. Sometimes when a venue is less horrifically expensive is also a consideration! I think our general order of decision making was: Set initial budget Venue/Date/Registrar Caterers/Marquee company Laugh hysterically at unrealistic initial budget, revise Photographer Bar hire Band Flowers Dress Everything else p.s I think I forgot to say congratulations life is killing me, and to you too assless chaps! Wedding planning is fun honest Actually I think I'm just impatient, once I've made a decision on something I want it to happen NOW so having to wait 6-12 months for anything we've planned to actually happen is torture!
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Mar 10, 2015 18:30
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Robot Mil posted:Actually I think I'm just impatient, once I've made a decision on something I want it to happen NOW so having to wait 6-12 months for anything we've planned to actually happen is torture! This was me. We planned everything, waited 10 months and basically reintroduced ourselves to every vendor haha
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Mar 10, 2015 18:31
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Bread Set Jettison posted:This was me. We planned everything, waited 10 months and basically reintroduced ourselves to every vendor haha I know, I keep thinking 'should I drop X or Y an email to let them know we are still alive and check that they still have us booked in??' I mean I'm sure they do but it is weird booking something with someone and then never speaking to them again for months on end. We are actually meeting with our caterers this week to have a tasting woo! It's a bit rear end backwards in the UK, caterers generally don't do tastings while you are choosing (unless you happen to go to a wedding fair at a venue that provides their own food), you have to book them without ever having tasted their food and then PAY to taste your specific menu! I guess to check that they can actually cook? Whatever, they had excellent reviews/feedback and their menus all looked delicious, I'm hopeful.
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Mar 10, 2015 18:37
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 SET YOUR BUDGET FIRST then set a date. Have a few backup dates in case vendors you want aren't available on your first choice date.If your budget is looking a little tight, look into booking an off-season wedding as most vendors offer off-season discounts and a hundred bucks or so here and there can make a difference. That is if you don't mind a fall/winter wedding. Only downsides to that are weather (a non-issue for an indoor venue) and the fact that it gets dark early so you have a limited amount of time for outdoor pictures. Pros are all your family and friends won't he going "ugh this is the 18th wedding I have to attend this summer" and you save money and vendors usually have more availability (IF you're not going for a Christmas/New Years/Valentines Day wedding).
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Mar 10, 2015 23:29
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Robot Mil posted:We are actually meeting with our caterers this week to have a tasting woo! It's a bit rear end backwards in the UK, caterers generally don't do tastings while you are choosing (unless you happen to go to a wedding fair at a venue that provides their own food), you have to book them without ever having tasted their food and then PAY to taste your specific menu! I guess to check that they can actually cook? Whatever, they had excellent reviews/feedback and their menus all looked delicious, I'm hopeful. We are dealing with the same thing in the US, so I don't know if it's UK only. And yeah, it seems odd, but our place is also well reviewed. But at least we only have to pay a reservation deposit of $2k rather than half the bill like some other vendors. I do think it is crazy how the photographer gets paid in full before the event, and then delivers the actual photos weeks or months afterwards. Not surprised at all that they take their time. Seems like that made more sense when they made their money from the albums and prints.
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Mar 11, 2015 12:41
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Is it weird to have co-best men? My parents are telling me it's weird. Is it weird? Meanwhile my fiancee just sent me an insanely complicated Excel spreadsheet she made herself. Part of it scrolls independently of the other. I have been instructed to input invitees for my side  Should I be concerned that my list is not even half as long as hers?
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Mar 12, 2015 00:43
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life is killing me posted:Is it weird to have co-best men? Not weird, I frequent the wedding planning subreddit and there are a good number of Co mohs and best men. You should discuss the cutoff for family/friends, like, 2nd cousins and beyond are axed, friends you haven't seen in however many months/years gone. Budget should be #1 though, especially if you're paying for it yourself. Then you have a better idea of how many people you can invite/what kind of venues you can even bother to look at. She sounds excited
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Mar 12, 2015 02:19
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A problem arose about an hour ago...after we spent 1.5 hrs talking on the phone about setting a date and had a plan about how to move forward, her brother, who is getting married in October, sent her a text. For context, he and his fiancee have been saying since before Thanksgiving that if we got married before them, they wouldn't mind. Now, he sends her a long block of text about how they have basically changed their minds. She's still in NYC, has been at work today for about 17 hours, and is furious. I don't know what to do with this, or if I even should do or say anything other than support her emotionally (obviously). She has two brothers, the aforementioned, and a middle brother who is already married. Now her dad is saying not to set a date too close to theirs, which we didn't want to do anyway because there is a group of people who would go only to one wedding or the other. But they don't want us to get married before them now, which to us means a year before we get married. Now I respect a lot of people do that, but we don't want to do that. Her dad is going to be paying for the wedding, and I'm definitely taking care to not opine about any of this to her or anyone else lest I get in anyone's line of fire (her family likes me a lot and I like them, and I'd like it to stay that way), but I really think we should step back and let her brother and his fiancee have their way. I don't want to wait a year, but if it means no feuds and bad blood and bitterness in her family over this, then I'm all for it. We're going to discuss it tomorrow when we haven't been working all day and have clearer heads, but I've spent most of the night trying to help her calm down. I have a feeling she will have a better perspective tomorrow after sleeping, but if not, what then? I'm conflicted because I want to get married when we discussed it, but also understand her brother's concerns--he may be backtracking on what he said originally, but that was before we were engaged, and honestly our engagement changes things in more ways than one. PS I feel like this post belongs in E/N but gently caress it life is killing me fucked around with this message at 04:35 on Mar 12, 2015 |
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Mar 12, 2015 04:31
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life is killing me posted:Is it weird to have co-best men? Not all that weird. My fiancé and I have reversed genders as your best man and maid of honor, so I have a best maiden and she has a man of honor. People always tell us it is weird, but the truth is you want someone that you trust and has been there for you. If two people fill that spot good for them because that means they get to split and share the work of being a best man  Your fiancé seems more tech gung ho than you...we just wrong names in the wedding planning notebook. I was afraid my fiancé would over complicate things.
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Mar 12, 2015 14:45
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If you want to do less traditional wedding parties, go for it. Usually people only do it when it's the best solution for their particular situation, so not choosing the best solution because it's "weird" or not "traditional" seems super dumb to me.
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Mar 12, 2015 15:09
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Well, we've probably got plenty more time to plan now, unless she wants to say gently caress what her family says and get married this year anyway. I really hope she doesn't do that, though. And I'm gonna keep the wedding party how it is since I had already spoken to my two closest friends about being the best men. Got an informal engagement party tomorrow at her parents' house which she is having second thoughts about since her brother said last night he and his fiancee don't want us to get married before them (they get married in Oct). Fun, fun, all it took was one text message to throw a wrench in our planning
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Mar 12, 2015 17:29
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life is killing me posted:Well, we've probably got plenty more time to plan now, unless she wants to say gently caress what her family says and get married this year anyway. I really hope she doesn't do that, though. I don't know...I am kind of a jerk, so once that ball was rolling I'd pretty much have no fucks to give about someone else's wedding. In the famous wedding words...Speak now or forever hold your peace. They missed out on speaking. Ask them how they would feel if you came to them and asked them to push their wedding up to be before yours. I bet they say they already have plans and a date and this done and that done...who likes having their heart set on something only to have it meet disappointment? I am sure a 1 on 1 discussion between her and her brother should resolve this...
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Mar 12, 2015 18:35
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OssiansFolly posted:I don't know...I am kind of a jerk, so once that ball was rolling I'd pretty much have no fucks to give about someone else's wedding. In the famous wedding words...Speak now or forever hold your peace. They missed out on speaking. Ask them how they would feel if you came to them and asked them to push their wedding up to be before yours. I bet they say they already have plans and a date and this done and that done...who likes having their heart set on something only to have it meet disappointment? Told her to sleep on it before responding to anyone and she said today she's still angry. Her mom even sent her a long, heartfelt email explaining how happy they are we are engaged but that there are a lot of events going on that time of year and how we'd originally talked about getting married earlier in the year and now we say we want to say end of Q3 or early Q4 so her brother was blindsided. I can understand this, but before we were engaged we were merely discussing and not actually PLANNING. I also understand because her dad is going to pay for it which goes a long way. I'm not wanting to insert myself into their family arguments because I'd only make it worse, and quite frankly they are welcoming me into their family so I don't really have the right to put my foot down where her family is concerned. Mainly I'm trying to be a voice of calm and reason so that she will stand down and get a new perspective so we can plan from there. I just don't think she's seeing through her anger right now and would rather not be the couple in the family who says, "gently caress you, we're getting married when we want and gently caress the feelings of everyone else including my parents who are paying for this whole thing and have two other children!" Really, on one hand I want to do this because we want what we want, and on the other hand I don't want us to be the assholes. No one told her brother when he could get married but he gets to dictate that to us and her parents are backing him up, and that does rub me the wrong way, mainly because that puts us in a difficult position.
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Mar 12, 2015 19:04
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To be perfectly fair, they did set their date first. They need to have a sit down in person and clear the air, and it sounds like you are a force for good in terms of trying to keep her from doing anything too rash. They have put down deposits, presumably, and honestly most people need a year or more to plan a wedding. As for the possibility of "gently caress you we're doing it anyway" option, lots of vendors will be booked for this fall already--maybe you could start doing some research into venues, caterers, photographers, and the like, and when you find a lot of them to be booked (as they must likely will be of you live in anywhere urban), that might help talk her down purely from a logistics standpoint?
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Mar 12, 2015 19:43
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Nicol Bolas posted:To be perfectly fair, they did set their date first. They need to have a sit down in person and clear the air, and it sounds like you are a force for good in terms of trying to keep her from doing anything too rash. They have put down deposits, presumably, and honestly most people need a year or more to plan a wedding. As for the possibility of "gently caress you we're doing it anyway" option, lots of vendors will be booked for this fall already--maybe you could start doing some research into venues, caterers, photographers, and the like, and when you find a lot of them to be booked (as they must likely will be of you live in anywhere urban), that might help talk her down purely from a logistics standpoint? Yes, and I'm waiting to see her tonight when I get her from the airport so we can discuss in person. Still trying to work out how I'm going to say this in the most tactful, still-on-her-side way possible.
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Mar 12, 2015 19:51
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life is killing me posted:Yes, and I'm waiting to see her tonight when I get her from the airport so we can discuss in person. Still trying to work out how I'm going to say this in the most tactful, still-on-her-side way possible. I mean, when were you planning for this anyway? If they're getting married in October and you wanted to do it before them in the first place, how much time were you giving yourselves to plan everything? If you were thinking spring/summer wedding, you may have to wait till 2016 anyway since that's peak wedding season and you may be hard pressed to find a venue/vendors who fit your ideas and are available. Maybe frame it that way, give yourselves some time to enjoy being engaged, take your time planning the wedding of your dreams, because frankly even planning to get married around the same time they are would be super stressful and consume everything, depending on how big you're going.
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Mar 12, 2015 19:54
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If you want to be officially married for tax reasons before 2016, I know couples who get married at the courthouse first so that the day of they don't have to stress about getting all the legal stuff in order and they just can have the ceremony.
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Mar 12, 2015 20:33
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I mean, if we were to use a wedding planner like she wants to do anyway, it might be possible to get married this summer. However, we do have to hope we got lucky with vendors and venues. But the thing is, she is already stressed out even if we were to get married later this year, and even if we use a wedding planner in that event.
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Mar 12, 2015 22:05
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I'm also concerned about vendor availability for you guys, even something like a wedding dress takes 6 months to come in so you're already running pretty tight on that one. I don't know the financial situations of you/your friends but planning a wedding in such a short amount of time means you're going to be emptying your bank accounts pretty much all at once instead of allowing time to recoup some costs before putting down the next big down payment; additionally if your bridal party is kind of strapped for cash telling them "hey drop a couple hundred bucks on a dress/suit/lodging RIGHT NOW" can be a little off-putting. We originally had a June wedding date and even planning a year out we were struggling to find vendors. If she's already stressed planning a wedding in a short timeframe isn't gonna help either. We were engaged for 14 months and it allowed us to plan at a leisurely pace without it seeming like we were waiting forever for the wedding to happen. IMO wedding planners are a waste of money unless you're exceptionally disorganized or don't even have enough spare time to spend an hour or two a week on planning it yourself.
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Mar 12, 2015 23:58
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:I'm also concerned about vendor availability for you guys, even something like a wedding dress takes 6 months to come in so you're already running pretty tight on that one. I don't know the financial situations of you/your friends but planning a wedding in such a short amount of time means you're going to be emptying your bank accounts pretty much all at once instead of allowing time to recoup some costs before putting down the next big down payment; additionally if your bridal party is kind of strapped for cash telling them "hey drop a couple hundred bucks on a dress/suit/lodging RIGHT NOW" can be a little off-putting. Good points all; I will say that she works for Accenture as a senior manager, and is out of town constantly. She works with international clients a lot and these things cause her to work about 75-80 hours a week. I'm in real estate and pretty consistently work about that much too. We spent 2 hours on the phone last night when we were both exhausted anyway trying to nail down a date only for her brother to tell her about his feelings AFTER that. The truth is, we just don't have a whole lot of time to plan it ourselves. She's been wanting to move to hospital administration which suits her skills and she won't travel as much but will make a comparable amount of money.
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Mar 13, 2015 00:04
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Obviously I don't know your fiancée but she seems to be the type who knows what she wants and doesn't like to compromise. Something's gotta give though, either your date or you being willing to have a wedding put on by people who mostly aren't your first choice vendors with her probably wearing a dress off the clearance rack at the bridal shop (nothing wrong with that but if she falls in love with a current style you have to order in advance she'll be disappointed). Basically you need to choose between the date you want with second-string vendors or a date farther out with everything just the way you want it. Problem! fucked around with this message at 00:20 on Mar 13, 2015 |
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Mar 13, 2015 00:17
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:Basically you need to choose between the date you want with second-string vendors or a date farther out with everything just the way you want it. I agree with this, you can't have it both ways and it doesn't even seem like you want a specific date, just that you want to do it asap, which means tons of sacrifices. Even with a wedding planner, planning a big traditional wedding, which it seems like you're going to do, takes a ton of time and money, even if it's not your own. You won't have time to shop around for the best deal and/or best vendor for your tastes because you only have a handful of months and every second counts. If you do a summer 2016 wedding starting planning now can get you on a more leisurely time line. Have her check out a practical wedding, look at some suggested timelines and think about why more have suggestions starting at 18 months out and moving closer. You'll have to take all the things listed from 18 months to 6 months and add them to the last minute things that need doing. Especially with how much you both work, will you be able to visit venues and try caterers and talk with florists and photographers?
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Mar 13, 2015 01:52
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It looks like finding vendors will be the kicker, but exactly what is so bad about having a wedding before the sibling's wedding? I mean, other than petulant toddler behavior, but I guess that's the course for weddings.
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Mar 13, 2015 01:54
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Weddings bring out the weirdest family drama. In the long run it doesn't matter but when you're wrapped up in planning Your Big Day lots of silly stuff seems like competition to upstage you and when you're stressed and jittery little things turn into UGH HOW DARE THEY. There was a giant rift in my husband's side's guest list over a Starbucks gift card for Christ's sake.
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Mar 13, 2015 02:03
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Robo Boogie Bot posted:It looks like finding vendors will be the kicker, but exactly what is so bad about having a wedding before the sibling's wedding? I mean, other than petulant toddler behavior, but I guess that's the course for weddings. I would never ask, at least not without him asking me first, but if my brother announced his engagement tomorrow I'd hope he would wait until after I got married to get married. It is ridiculous and I know it, we're not even doing a big to-do, but deep down I'd feel like he cut the line. I'm getting married in 7 months, most engagements last longer than that and we got engaged back in November.
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Mar 13, 2015 02:10
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For what it's worth, I've been engaged since August 2012, my younger brother proposed to his girlfriend December 2014, we don't have a date and their date is April 2016. Yeah, it does torpedo 2016 for us getting married, that kinda sucks, he didn't talk to me about it at all and I wish he had though lord knows we have been sleeping on it, but who gives a poo poo? It's not worth being mad at a brother whom I love. My husband and I will be married forever, we live together, who cares when the drat party happens? If you need to get courthouse married for whatever reason in advance, do it. But for the rest, chill the gently caress out. It's just a party. You're committing to each other forever. The wedding is superfluous. It really, really is. It doesn't make love more valid or real or anything more than what it already is.
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Mar 13, 2015 06:41
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She and I talked tonight when I picked her up from the airport. Well, she vented on the way back and I listened, then she asked for my opinions and I gave them, then we got home and basically fell into the couch and the real discussion started. We're now leaning more and more toward a small June wedding, and whoever doesn't come, doesn't come. We feel like anyone who really wants to come will make it. We know there are sacrifices and talked about what those would be and if we could handle them, and we agreed that we could. ilysespieces, you are right in that we do want to get married soon. We're not getting younger, and we want kids, but we also want to enjoy our marriage for a bit before we start trying. So she is worried about waiting another year to get married since we don't even know if we will be able to have kids, anything could come up, and we'd rather find out in a couple years than three or four years. She's the oldest of her siblings and the only girl, and I'm an only child and will be 31 this year. That's not old, but when we're in our mid-30s it could be harder to have children. At any rate, sure, her family will get over it, but until then she thinks it'll be ugly for 18-ish months between us and them. I saw her bros tonight and they didn't act like anything was wrong, and she might be blowing her family's emotions about it out of proportion. So June it is, probably. I think her emotions were due in part to being away from home for two weeks when she usually comes back every weekend, then working 80 hours this week and being exhausted, also stress from the wedding--and last but certainly not least, she just started birth control. I think being home, finally, did a lot for her state of mind and by the time we'd been home for an hour she was already getting back to her usual happy self. Thanks all for the insight. What a crazy way to start planning. e: I may have gauged her desire for a big wedding sort of wrong. She and I really both agree that the marriage itself is the most important part, which is why why tentatively decided on June. life is killing me fucked around with this message at 06:48 on Mar 13, 2015 |
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Mar 13, 2015 06:46
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^^^ That's good, it'll def be an exciting ride. From your posts it seemed she wanted big and awesome, which is stressful and takes time. Small and awesome, on the other hand, you'll still have less vendors and venues to choose from, but you'll be fine. I still suggest a Practical Wedding for you both to look through. And if you look at The Knot avoid the forums, they're an awful cesspool. On another note! Rings! Can we talk rings? I'm getting plain gold bands, my ring is gold, I don't want or need anything but plain gold and he doesn't care at all what we get so he's getting one, too. Anyone else going simple? If you're getting your rings engraved, with what? I'm so curious! ilysespieces fucked around with this message at 12:50 on Mar 13, 2015 |
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Mar 13, 2015 12:34
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I got her a fancy schmancy wedding ring from Brilliant Earth. I feel really happy that its a conflict free diamond, but honestly probably would have bought that ring if it was the bloodiest diamond because it was really unique and a perfect description of what she wanted :]. Her dad is making my ring which is super cool. I think it's white gold? It's got a small hammered strip in the middle, bordered by smooth texture raised a little bit above the middle strip.
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Mar 13, 2015 12:57
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:Weddings bring out the weirdest family drama. Tell me about it. My brother wants me to apologize to the horrible scum that is his GF because I don't like her. Sorry, but I'm not sorry. Apologies or not my wedding is happening and if she doesn't want to enjoy some free booze and good food because she currently sleeps with my brother then I don't care. ilysespieces posted:On another note! Rings! Can we talk rings? I'm getting plain gold bands, my ring is gold, I don't want or need anything but plain gold and he doesn't care at all what we get so he's getting one, too. Anyone else going simple? If you're getting your rings engraved, with what? I'm so curious! I went simple with a $20 Titanium Band with channel set CZs because I liked the way it looked (I'm a dude). My fiancé on the other hand decided for the first time since we met 6 years ago that she likes pretty things and wanted a custom made diamond band to fit with her engagement ring...now the wedding band costs more than the engagement ring...
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Mar 13, 2015 13:54
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OssiansFolly posted:now the wedding band costs more than the engagement ring... This is what I'm afraid of. We're looking at bands tomorrow. I'm definitely going with titanium or tungsten, not sure about frills. Although I could be convinced to go with platinum because if she wants some super duper wedding band to go with the engagement ring, I think I at least deserve platinum 
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Mar 13, 2015 14:02
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I will never stop recommending cobalt chrome for men's wedding bands. Looks like platinum, costs and wears like tungsten (maybe a little more). Durable, hefty, and has a nice luster to it.
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Mar 13, 2015 14:31
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life is killing me posted:This is what I'm afraid of. We're looking at bands tomorrow. This is the ring I got. It was cheap and looks like a wedding ring. Metal Masters Co. on Amazon has some interesting and nice bands for men at a good price. And since it is through Amazon if you don't like it when you get it the return process is easier.
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Mar 13, 2015 14:39
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What is like, an acceptable amount to spend on a wedding band? My fiance and I are kind of torn. One the one hand, they're pieces of jewelry that we'll every day for the rest of our lives. On the other hand, we will be making much, much better money in about 10 years. We're currently thinking about buying something relatively inexpensive and then replacing them with something more, er, luxurious?, for our 10 year anniversary. Is that a thing people do?
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Mar 13, 2015 21:44
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I know upgrading an engagement ring at milestone anniversaries is pretty common place. It really doesn't matter to anyone else the quality or price of your wedding bands though. If both of you are fine with cheaper ones for now with the plan to upgrade later, who can tell you differently. In wedding band talk, only had mine for 4 months and already lost it. Accidently got drunk and must have slipped off my finger when I was throwing beads off the float during mardi gras. Guess I'll have to order another from Boone
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Mar 13, 2015 21:59
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Most men's bands are pretty reasonably priced, $50-300. Especially since the techie / aerospace metals are popular now and they are pretty cheap. Gold is more expensive, platinum even more so, but who needs an $800 wedding band? For his wedding, my brother bought three $50 ones from China or somewhere, and just used the one he liked the best.
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Mar 13, 2015 22:03
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