TinFoilJoy posted:

(I’m waitressing at a small restaurant when a young mother with a toddler walks in accompanied by the mother’s grandfather. I seat them and they order. The grandfather orders the chicken fried steak which is soft enough that a knife isn’t necessary so one normally isn’t given with the meal. This happens as I drop off their plates.)

Grandfather: *looks at his plate then up at me angrily* “WHERE THE F*** IS MY KNIFE? HUH? HOW THE F*** AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT THIS—”

(Suddenly the mother slaps her hand onto the table hard enough that all the dishware jumps, the toddler yelps, and the grandfather is startled into silence.)

Toddler: “Uh oh. Mama MAD. Not me did it!”

Mother: *looks at the grandfather with a look of pure fury* “You do NOT speak to people that way! Do you understand? Now, I told you, if I’m going to take you out to eat then you WILL be on your best behavior. Now you will either apologize to this young lady or you can go sit in the car by yourself and be hungry. Everyone else in the family might be willing to put up with your attitude but not me! So you got two options: apologize or leave.”

Grandfather: *crosses his arms and sulks*

Mother: “Apologize or car. NOW.”

Grandfather: *sighs* I’m sorry for saying those things to you.”

Me: “Thank you for apologizing, sir. Now, that was a steak knife you needed?”

Grandfather: “Yes.”

Mother: *crosses her arms and raises her eyebrows at him*

Grandfather: *looking like he bit into a lemon* “Please.”

(The mother smiles and I turn my attention to her.)

Me: “And anything for you, ma’am?”

Mother: “More napkins, please.”

Me: “Okay! I’ll be right out with those.”

(The rest of the meal passes by in complete silence with the grandfather sulking the whole time. I drop off their check, the mother tucks it under her arm, drops a tip on the table, then turns around and helps her son put on his jacket. While her back is turned the grandfather quickly picks up the tip, stuffs it in his jacket pocket, and scurries out. Finishing with her child the mother leads him over to the counter and places the check on the counter. I’m struggling with myself on whether or not I should tell her about what her grandfather did.)

Mother: *watches me for a minute* “Well, you obviously want to say something so say it! I’m sorry for the way my grandpa acted. I’m working on teaching him manners. But, if you have something to say feel free to speak up. So long as it’s said respectfully I can listen.*

Me: “It’s… um… just that your… um, grandfather took the tip money while your back was turned.”

Mother: “HE WHAT?!”

(Leaving her son there the mother storms off back to the table, audibly gasps when she sees the lack of money, practically runs back to the register, scoops up her child, and leaves. Through the window I see her walk to the passenger side of the car, point to the grandfather, mouth the words ‘big trouble,’ and open the back-seat passenger door. The grandfather moves down in his seat a little bit, the mother calmly buckles her kid into the car, closes the door, then opens the grandfather’s door. I can’t hear what’s being said but it’s obvious that whatever she’s screaming has the grandfather shrinking in his seat until he is literally hiding his head in his jacket. The mother suddenly reaches forward, snatches something from him, slams the car door, and comes back inside.)

Mother: “The nerve of some people! My goodness! I am so so sorry for my grandfather’s antics. Thank you. though. for being honest. *I ring up her transaction* I was going to give you a bit for being so patient with him but I think you deserve a bit extra. As for him, well, he can stay home eating cold ham and cheeses sandwiches for a few days. We’ll see how well he likes that!”

(The mother tipped me generously then left. They did come in the following week but this time the grandfather was much better behaved!)

TinFoilJoy posted:

Toddler: Uh oh. Mama MAD. Not me did it

TinFoilJoy posted:

Zaphod42 posted:

Don't even know what to say to this.

Marley Wants More posted:

So, he has no filter because he's senile and the woman is abusing him? Nice.

Not to mention the kid sounds relieved that it's not him who's getting beaten up today.

dregan posted:

Ytlaya posted:

What kind of toddler says "not me did it." Toddlers aren't literally retarded.

dregan posted:

nearly 6000 likes posted:

Just A (Cast The First) Stone’s Throw Away From A True Christian
Grocery Store | AL, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Religion

(I live in the Bible belt of America, where homophobia is the norm. I’m a gay man and was outed by a previous coworker, so now I deal with two or three bigots per week. This takes place an early Sunday morning.)

Me: “Hello. Did you find everything today?”

Customer #1: *a bigot who frequents my lane just to insult me* “Everything except a good, god fearing cashier!”

Me: *scanning items and not paying attention* “Your total is $48.50, sir. Would you like to pay cash or credit?”

Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell, you know! You and all your godd***** f*****! Pick up a Bible and learn how to be a Christian!”

(He then proceeds to throw his credit card at me. I check him out while enduring his verbal abuse, as usual. Finally he’s gone to bag his groceries while the next customer comes up. He’s an elderly man, around 60, wearing a sweater and a large prominent cross. I fear the worst but he hands me a gift card.)

Customer #2: “Bless you, son. I’d like you to have this to make up for those of us who are less then their best.”

(Customer #1 has heard Customer #2 and starts yelling.)

Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell for supporting this f**! Learn how to be a good Christian!”

(Customer #2 removes his sweater to reveals he’s a priest. Customer #1’s eyes widen in shock.)

Customer #2: “Well, if I’m going to Hell I don’t believe there’s much hope for any of us now, is there?”

(He was the new pastor for the church and one of his first sermons was on spreading love instead of hate. I thank you, good sir, for reminding me what a real Christian is like.)

TinFoilJoy posted:

For example, this is indistinguishable from the parodies people sometimes post in here:

david... posted:

What is under his sweater to show he's a priest? Is it sweet Jesus tats?

CrotchDropJeans posted:

I thought only Catholic priests wore those? I live in the Bible Belt and Catholics aren't exactly beloved there.

david... posted:

What is under his sweater to show he's a priest? Is it sweet Jesus tats?

Fathis Munk posted:

Fathis Munk posted:

Bertrand Hustle posted:

It reads like it was written by someone who has never been to the South and is used to certain smallish New England towns where seeing Catholic and Episcopal priests around town wearing that white collar is not uncommon.

I grew up in Newport, RI and it wasn't terribly rare to run into a priest I knew at the grocery store.

CrotchDropJeans posted:

Yeah I grew up in the South and I've only ever seen priests in the wild here twice. One was at the movie theatre and one was riding a loving motorcycle.

Fathis Munk posted:

KiddieGrinder posted:

I think that person is getting schizoaffective disorder mixed up with dissociative identity disorder. A cursory search indicates they are known to hear voices, but it's not the type like the author suggests (using the term "six voices" suggests six unique identities or personalities having a conversation).

Kugyou no Tenshi posted:

I'm not trying to be mean, but you have the two conditions literally backwards.

TinFoilJoy posted:

I forgot to mention that the wacky grandad story has 2500+ likes and is in the NAR hall of fame. Yes, there's a hall of fame, and it's as horrible as you'd expect.

For example, this is indistinguishable from the parodies people sometimes post in here:


Only thing missing is the pastor officiating the cashier's wedding.

Paladinus posted:

Wacky. Quirky, even.

Fathis Munk posted:

jodai posted:

What is fp? I thought the meme was just some dumb joke but if the person is trying to play it off as a real thing that really happened, what were they reaching for? Do they carry a weapon? Pepper spray? It would have been kind of funny if they just pulled out gum or something.

KiddieGrinder posted:

Also how does one 'try' to feel someone up? You either grab someone's rear end/tits/dick, or you don't. How can you get caught 'trying' to feel someone up, without actually accomplishing your intent to feel them up?

axolotl farmer posted:

from the tumblr thread

AlbieQuirky posted:

I was going to say something super sarcastic, but maybe your reflexes are terrible and you don't see people's hands coming at you in time to deflect them before they actually connect with you? Trying to feel someone up is like trying to hit them; if you get blocked, it's still clear what you were doing.