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SIR FAT JONY IVES posted:I have so many stories. Sorry to keep telling anecdotes, but one time a hedge fund I worked for called me at 6am. I happened to be at another client nearby. The elevator had broken so they couldn't get into their office. There was a door by the back entrance up the fire stairs, but it didn't open from the outside. The guy said "I don't care what you have to do, but we need to get into the office so we can trade!" I asked him why he called his IT guy of all people, and his answer was basically "you solve problems. so solve this one." I'm pretty sure this is an example of a time when you just laugh and hang up the phone.
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Apr 14, 2015 17:41
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Ynglaur posted:Sure thing. While we're busy doing jobs that aren't our own, here are my car keys. Please have my car pulled around at 5:00pm sharp. I'm sure I've told this story before. At the old company before our merger, the Chief um... Governance Officer I think (we called him the Chief Executive of catering and Bus tours) came by Helpdesk on a sunny Thursday afternoon. He wanders in and finds Ken, one of the meekest, nicest people I have ever met. Puts $20 on the table along with his car keys and says, I poo poo you not, "I need you to wash my car and get it filled up, I'm leaving for the day in an hour" and walks away. Ken, being meek and nice, just...goes and does it. No questions asked. I like to think if it had been me, I would have re-enacted the parking attendant scene from Ferris Bueller. Anyway, a happy ending - The exec got his rear end chewed out by our CEO over it when found out. A less than happy final scene though - the exec quit later that year, and is now serving on our board of directors and making a run for MLA in Alberta.
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Apr 14, 2015 17:45
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Antioch posted:I'm sure I've told this story before. I would have done it but hit every loving red light camera and speed trap I could find.
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Apr 14, 2015 17:57
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m.hache posted:I would have done it but hit every loving red light camera and speed trap I could find.
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Apr 14, 2015 18:09
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Many years ago, I worked for a CPA firm that The next day, the managing partner called me into his office to tell me that he was just asking me for a favor and didn't expect me to do that as part of my job. Yeah, listen, buddy - when a business owner tells an employee to do something, it's not 'asking for a favor', it's giving an order. Not sure why he needed the gas anyway - most of the time I worked there, he was too drunk to drive.
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Apr 14, 2015 18:13
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anthonypants posted:Why bother doing something illegal when you could just fill his car with diesel? Gotta make it back to the office somehow. Also he'll get the tickets in a few weeks and if he wants to blame me for it, he'll have to go through the boss which will get him called on his bullshit.
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Apr 14, 2015 18:18
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SIR FAT JONY IVES posted:The ticket for that one was equally interesting: 4HR: Watched a video of a bag blowing around by a brick wall until I cried. 
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Apr 14, 2015 18:24
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I love to imagine that every problem is an endlessly complex web which only I can untangle. This is not always the case. Which is to say that the 15 minutes I just spent dissecting a stored proc and checking SQL and AD replication, would have been better spent realizing that, oh yeah, I don't have an account in this environment.
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Apr 14, 2015 18:31
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Che Delilas posted:Pissing me off today: Update: Out of the half-dozen job applications I sent out around the same time, the one that inspired the above rant was the first to contact me for a phone screen. The system works! 
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Apr 14, 2015 18:56
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SIR FAT JONY IVES posted:I ended up getting a sludge hammer (there was construction going on in another floor) and beating their door down so they could enter the office. I made sure the owner was there, so when the alarm went off and the police arrived I wasn't arrested. Today's equipment order; x1 Monitor x1 DVI Cable x10 Patch cables x1 USB Stick x1 Stick of RAM gently caress I should've ordered a big rear end hammer! Antioch posted:I'm sure I've told this story before. Even better, take the  and call up a mobile cleaning business, give em the keys and have them invoice the company from doucebag's name.
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Apr 14, 2015 19:15
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SIR FAT JONY IVES posted:I know, I used to have a screen shot of the ticket printed out. 1HR: Beat down fire door with sludge hammer.  +  
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Apr 14, 2015 19:38
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SIR FAT JONY IVES posted:I ended up getting a sludge hammer (there was construction going on in another floor) and beating their door down so they could enter the office. I made sure the owner was there, so when the alarm went off and the police arrived I wasn't arrested. SIR FAT JONY IVES posted:I know, I used to have a screen shot of the ticket printed out. 1HR: Beat down fire door with sludge hammer. Do you mean the weird water treatment system, or the heavy metal band from Toronto? Either way, sounds messy.
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Apr 14, 2015 19:42
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An Angry Bug posted:Do you mean the weird water treatment system, or the heavy metal band from Toronto? Either way, sounds messy. Or the least popular member of the Toxic Avengers?
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Apr 14, 2015 19:48
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Percy Sludge is awesome. Oh yeah that other guy named Percy Sledge died today... 
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Apr 14, 2015 20:20
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Trastion posted:Percy Sludge is awesome. RIP guy that hosed up episode of The Pacific was based on A  who has spent the last three years trying to get Sharepoint going finally got far enough that he needs Infopath installed (don't ask) but all we had was a KMS hostkey for it, so I loaded it on our KMS host and told him "Microsoft has a minimum client request limit before it will actually activate clients in KMS, so if it doesn't activate you'll have to install it on 5 more computers and get them to activate before it will actually work."10 minutes later, an email! quote:I just installed it and it's not activating. Why is not activating?
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Apr 14, 2015 22:23
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spiny posted:just keep printing something to it that says 'low toner, please call IT' and someone will ring soon enough That, or lock it out in its web management tool.
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Apr 15, 2015 01:52
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Started looking over the existing infrastructure today at the new job. I'll just be over here, in the corner, with my scotch. There's over 2PB of 3-5+ year old storage platforms, attached to ageing server and network infrastructures, scattered all over the US. Welp. At least I kind of knew what I was getting myself into.
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Apr 15, 2015 02:11
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the spyder posted:Started looking over the existing infrastructure today at the new job. hire me to help fix it with you. Let the migrations commence!
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Apr 15, 2015 05:18
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One of the HVACs in the main server room is defective, and the head of Maintenance hasn't done anything about it because "It's IT". Now he's touring the department in search of someone who will agree with him - except everyone is telling him it's his problem, and we don't even want to talk about it, just get it loving fixed already. If he's so eager to push the bill around we can fight about that later. The saving grace is the fact that our IT manager quit in January and we're temporarily managed by the City Manager/Municipality Chief Executive, and he's going to flip his lid when he finds out. 
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Apr 15, 2015 07:40
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If anything in a server room is IT's problem then anything in maintenance must be his problem, so he can probably reset his own password next time he calls IT.
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Apr 15, 2015 08:11
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MC Fruit Stripe posted:If anything in a server room is IT's problem then anything in maintenance must be his problem, so he can probably reset his own password next time he calls IT. I am a fan of your combination of vindictiveness and being right.
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Apr 15, 2015 08:52
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anthonypants posted:Why bother doing something illegal when you could just fill his car with diesel? I would have washed his car very thoroughly. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=png5BFnwg1I KozmoNaut fucked around with this message at 09:49 on Apr 15, 2015 |
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Apr 15, 2015 09:45
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MC Fruit Stripe posted:If anything in a server room is IT's problem then anything in maintenance must be his problem, so he can probably reset his own password next time he calls IT. Right now it's a desperate case of him holding a hot potato and no one to toss it to. We have plenty of CYA mails warning him about the failure and consequences if the second HVAC fails. If that happens we're quite ready to lean back and watch the fireworks.
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Apr 15, 2015 09:58
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I feel bad that I kind of want the other HVAC to fail just to see what kind of hell he'll catch, even though it'll make your job harder 
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Apr 15, 2015 10:50
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Found out why my supervisor wants to remove DHCP from our branches: the branches are not trusted to power in their own workstations. So each morning, a huge script - a mess of PowerShell, netsh, and regexes - runs to grab workstation names, IPs, and MACs from DHCP, output to CSV, then uses that to send the Wake-on-LAN magic packet. Same CSV is then used to turn them off at night. I'm not seeing anything in the WOL part of the script that needs the IP address. I think a static CSV of names+MAC would work if anything needs to be static.
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Apr 15, 2015 11:38
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Venusy posted:Found out why my supervisor wants to remove DHCP from our branches: the branches are not trusted to power in their own workstations. So each morning, a huge script - a mess of PowerShell, netsh, and regexes - runs to grab workstation names, IPs, and MACs from DHCP, output to CSV, then uses that to send the Wake-on-LAN magic packet. Same CSV is then used to turn them off at night. 
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Apr 15, 2015 12:05
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Well then. We just need one more batshit DHCP story this week to fulfill the prophecy. Swink fucked around with this message at 12:45 on Apr 15, 2015 |
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Apr 15, 2015 12:40
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Not something that pisses me off, just something that's a little sweet. One of my (female) Indian colleagues has an out-of-office autoreply on her mail, that ends with "for anything urgent, please give me a ring." I'm sure that would definitely get her attention 
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Apr 15, 2015 12:43
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Venusy posted:Found out why my supervisor wants to remove DHCP from our branches: the branches are not trusted to power in their own workstations. So each morning, a huge script - a mess of PowerShell, netsh, and regexes - runs to grab workstation names, IPs, and MACs from DHCP, output to CSV, then uses that to send the Wake-on-LAN magic packet. Same CSV is then used to turn them off at night. 
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Apr 15, 2015 12:47
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KozmoNaut posted:please give me a ring. So that's what you're doing this Thursday?
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Apr 15, 2015 13:24
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Crappy ancient ERP system magically will require you to log in with your username in all caps. But only your account not everyone else.
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Apr 15, 2015 13:32
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Crowley posted:So that's what you're doing this Thursday? Nah, she's really sweet and all (I met her when I was in Kolkata a couple of weeks ago), but I'm done with long-distance relationships. One of her colleague is totally Bollywood star levels of hot, though. It's completely ridiculous.
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Apr 15, 2015 13:34
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Venusy posted:Found out why my supervisor wants to remove DHCP from our branches: the branches are not trusted to power in their own workstations. So each morning, a huge script - a mess of PowerShell, netsh, and regexes - runs to grab workstation names, IPs, and MACs from DHCP, output to CSV, then uses that to send the Wake-on-LAN magic packet. Same CSV is then used to turn them off at night. I.... I'm suddenly happy my current IT problems are not this 
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Apr 15, 2015 13:51
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Current piss off thing: When my application specialists misconfigure a tomcat servlet and then ask me to fix it. When I ask them what they were doing before it broke the answer is always nothing. What are they doing all day? The servlet started up fine and logged no errors when I installed it and set it up for them three weeks ago, if they've done "nothing" then why did it suddenly crash? Oh, you changed the entire configuration? Did you happen to maybe check for an error in your config? Second piss off thing: When I my application specialists can't fix a problem, and I do a quick grep through their xml files for incorrect variables, and I find a handful of them. When I show them the errors, now I have to figure out what problem having those typos could cause. Why not just fix them? How am I supposed to know what having $REPOSITORY instead of $REPOSITORY1 will do, I'm not an application specialist, I just know there's a problem because in the log I see the servlet trying to connect to http://:9090/servlet instead of http://repository1ip:9090/servlet, and I can guess that's a problem. How do I prove this negative? Why am I standing at your cubicle for an hour while you argue amongst yourself about it? Just let me fix it. Third piss off thing: When my application specialists ask me to make a change to the environment variables on a server, I do, and I ask them to test it since it's 6:00pm and I want to go home. They assure me they don't need to test it and I can leave, and then at 7:00pm they call me and ask why "X is broken". Why didn't you test it before I left?
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Apr 15, 2015 14:36
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Venusy posted:Found out why my supervisor wants to remove DHCP from our branches: the branches are not trusted to power in their own workstations. So each morning, a huge script - a mess of PowerShell, netsh, and regexes - runs to grab workstation names, IPs, and MACs from DHCP, output to CSV, then uses that to send the Wake-on-LAN magic packet. Same CSV is then used to turn them off at night. Eject!
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Apr 15, 2015 14:49
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Venusy posted:Found out why my supervisor wants to remove DHCP from our branches: the branches are not trusted to power in their own workstations. So each morning, a huge script - a mess of PowerShell, netsh, and regexes - runs to grab workstation names, IPs, and MACs from DHCP, output to CSV, then uses that to send the Wake-on-LAN magic packet. Same CSV is then used to turn them off at night. My old hedge fund had about 40 traders in a smallish office. Each trader had 2PCs at their desk, each PC powered atleast 2 30" monitors. Some of the desks had 6 30's. 4 monitors*40 traders=160 total monitors, in a space with insufficient cooling. They paid a guy to come in every night and power all the monitors off after the traders left and then to power them back on in the morning before they arrived. If they didn't, when they came in each morning the office was about 95 degrees.
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Apr 15, 2015 14:56
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SIR FAT JONY IVES posted:
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Apr 15, 2015 14:58
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Venusy posted:Found out why my supervisor wants to remove DHCP from our branches: the branches are not trusted to power in their own workstations. So each morning, a huge script - a mess of PowerShell, netsh, and regexes - runs to grab workstation names, IPs, and MACs from DHCP, output to CSV, then uses that to send the Wake-on-LAN magic packet. Same CSV is then used to turn them off at night. That;s the kind of setup that requires a can of petrol and a match to upgrade.
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Apr 15, 2015 15:13
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EAT THE EGGS RICOLA posted:This kind of sounds like a problem that fixes itself when you tell everyone to stop being a dick and turn off their monitors because that's why it's so hot. You've never worked at a hedge fund, I take it. You don't tell a room full of 35 year old trust fund babies that each make 500k/year to turn off their monitors. You hire someone to come in and do it for them. When I supported their training floor, I had to be in at 730am, and go through a checklist of items before any of them came in to verify everything was good. First item on the list: turn on all the TVs and set them to CNNMoney and Bloomberg TV. If this was not done, there was an angry email sent to my manager. Let me also clarify that these guys were actually really nice, and treated me very well and respectfully. They paid a premium white glove service. From an IT perspective, it was a really good place to work.They'd give me projects with no budget restrictions just an understanding that they wanted it done, and done right. They also had a fully stocked galley kitchen, catered lunches and dinners, and would often take me and the other IT consultants out to really nice dinners when they celebrated milestones in the funds performances. Yes, these were the guys that asked me to beat down a door with a sledgehammer (lol misspelled before), and at $250/hour, I'd do it again in a second.
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Apr 15, 2015 15:31
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SIR FAT JONY IVES posted:My old hedge fund had about 40 traders in a smallish office. Each trader had 2PCs at their desk, each PC powered atleast 2 30" monitors. Some of the desks had 6 30's. 4 monitors*40 traders=160 total monitors, in a space with insufficient cooling. They paid a guy to come in every night and power all the monitors off after the traders left and then to power them back on in the morning before they arrived. WallachBeth is like that, a prime Wall St address and a broken cooling system, fans attached to every inch of wall space.
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