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Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

Oh hey, thread. How ya doing? Ready for more BAPction?

I am

#bapisback

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Kyrosiris
May 24, 2006

You try to be happy when everyone is summoning you everywhere to "be their friend".



Hell yes I'm ready. :getin:

Corsair Pool Boy
Dec 17, 2004
College Slice

Hockles posted:

Oh hey, thread. How ya doing? Ready for more BAPction?

I am

#bapisback

Only if Hugo gets to leave Portland.

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

All-Star Break 2023 Update

All-Stars
West -- Fred Lemur (2nd Line Center)
West -- Milkbags O'Leary (3rd D-Pairing)
East -- Pablo Sanchez (2nd Line Right Wing)
East -- Jamwad Hilder (4th Line Right Wing)
East -- Aaron Athanatos (3rd D-Pairing)


Notable Stats
Lemur is 4th in Points; Athanatos is 8th
Lemur leads the league in Goals; ThinkTank is 5th
Athanatos is 5th in Assists; O'Leary is 8th
Picklechips is 5th in +/-
O'Bourke leads the league in PIM; Windros Jr is 2nd; Picklechips is 3rd
Delacour is 4th in Wins; Orphansbane & Zip are 5th
Delacour is 7th in GAA; Orphansbane is 8th



Transaction News
10/28/22 -- ARZ gets: 2023 2nd Round Pick, a prospect
10/28/22 -- NJD gets: Hugo Chavez

12/21/22 -- BUF gets: Spec Samuelsson
12/21/22 -- CHI gets: Junior Webb (81 OVR)


12/1/22 -- BUF gets: 2023 2nd Round Pick (PIT), 2023 2nd Round Pick (NSH), a prospect
12/1/22 -- PIT gets: Zemgus Girgensons

12/6/22 -- LAK gets: Bobby Ryan
12/6/22 -- OTT gets: 2023 2nd Round Pick, 2 prospects

12/24/22 -- BUF gets: 2023 1st Round Pick, a prospect
12/24/22 -- CAR gets: Mark Pysyk


Injury Report
MIN -- The Crushinator is out with a Separated Shoulder. Expected return is 4/11/23
NJD -- R. Picklechips is out with a Hernia. Expected return is 2/7/23
TBL -- P. O'Bourke is out with a Fractured Jaw. Expected return is 1/29/23






Comments
More goon movement!
Everyone has now played in the NHL!


http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2015 for Complete Stats

Corsair Pool Boy
Dec 17, 2004
College Slice

Hockles posted:

Transaction News
10/28/22 -- ARZ gets: 2023 2nd Round Pick, a prospect
10/28/22 -- NJD gets: Hugo Chavez

I take it back, I take it back.

Portland is a lovely town.

Kyrosiris
May 24, 2006

You try to be happy when everyone is summoning you everywhere to "be their friend".



Hockles posted:

Delacour is 4th in Wins; Orphansbane & Zip are 5th
Delacour is 7th in GAA; Orphansbane is 8th

Yes. YES! :hellyeah:

(although props to Kilza for five shutouts, drat)

Kilza
Oct 4, 2013

Why is Pittsburgh so bad. :negative:

Kyrosiris posted:

(although props to Kilza for five shutouts, drat)

Yeah, I'm surprised I have the most shutouts amongst all the goon goalies right now.

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

2023 All-Star Game Results




Scoring Summary
1st Period
5:53 -- (East) S. Stamkos (J. Drouin, B. Mann-Dixon)
14:03 - (West) T. Seguin (R. Nugent-Hopkins)

2nd Period
16:12 - (West) N. MacKinnon (T. Rattie, P. Kane)

3rd Period
2:12 -- (West) T. Seguin (J. Morrissey, M. Mueller)
19:55 - (East) J. Drouin (G. Bouramman)


Penalty Summary
1st Period
4:26 -- (West) O. Ekman-Larsson -- High Sticking (Minor)

2nd Period
0:57 -- (East) M. Del Zotto -- Holding (Minor)
10:14 - (West) F. Lemur -- Hooking (Minor)

3rd Period
1:14 -- (West) G. Landeskog -- Interference (Minor)
11:54 - (West) Z. Werenski -- Hooking (Minor)


3 Stars of the Game
1) (West) Tyler Seguin (2 goals, +2)
2) (West) Eric Comrie (30 saves, 2.00 GAA, .938 SV%)
3) (East) Jonathan Drouin (1 goal, 1 assist)



.Spec
Oct 4, 2001

12/21/22 -- BUF gets: Spec Samuelsson
12/21/22 -- CHI gets: Junior Webb (81 OVR)

Really? Just as soon as the Hawks turn back in to a non-poo poo-team they ship me off to Buffalo. Great, super awesome.

JawKnee
Mar 24, 2007





You'll take the ride to leave this town along that yellow line
First season St. Louis has not-poo poo goaltending, and it looks like Wang got bumped up a line :getin:

THE MACHO MAN
Nov 15, 2007

...Carey...

draw me like one of your French Canadian girls
I like to think Ewic broke O'Bourke's jaw in a fight, and then concussed himself tripping in the penalty box

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

End of 2022-23 Regular Season Update

Notable Stats
Athanatos finished 4th in Points; Lemur is 5th
Lemur finished 2nd in Goals; ThinkTank is 3rd; Satonaka is 8th
Picklechips finished 2nd in +/-; ThinkTank is 6th
Longrod finished 5th in Hits
O'Bourke lead the league in PIM; Picklechips is 3rd; Windros Jr is 4th
Delacour is 8th in Wins;
Orphansbane is 5th in GAA & SV%


Transaction News
3/3/23 -- PHI gets: Ewic Windros Jr
3/3/23 -- TOR gets: 2023 2nd Round Pick, a prospect

3/3/23 -- BUF gets: 2023 2nd Round Pick, a prospect
3/3/23 -- NYI gets: Frederik Andersen (84 OVR)


Injury Report
MIN -- C. Buttworth is out with a Torn Groin. Expected return is 5/9/23
OTT -- S. Satonaka is out with a Broken Toe. Expected return is 4/16/23





Comments
Ewic Windros is home.
Eichel had 72 goals. Lemur had 70. ThinkTank had 63 without an assist. :stonk:
Athanatos should pick up another Norris Trophy


http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2015 for Complete Stats

JawKnee
Mar 24, 2007





You'll take the ride to leave this town along that yellow line
oh hey, Wang is suddenly a 30 goal scorer at 13 minutes a night, on only a 4 minute per night increase! :mad: St. Louis is so dumb

Kilza
Oct 4, 2013

Well, I played the most games out of all the goon goalies, and got the most shutouts, so...hooray? :confuoot:

ThinkTank
Oct 23, 2007

drat it only 4 short of the record for most goals in a season without surpassing 100 points. C'mon Think, keep reaching for that rainbow!

Athanatos
Jun 7, 2006

Est. 2000
What the hell, our team sucks

Pleads
Jun 9, 2005

pew pew pew


Now's the year, Winnipeg. I feel it.

Also, 51 points, hell yeah.

MononcQc
May 29, 2007

Whoa how did LA fall so much in one season?

Bitdiddle is not even playing 70 games a year anymore :(

Kyrosiris
May 24, 2006

You try to be happy when everyone is summoning you everywhere to "be their friend".



I am okay with this winning attitude I'm a part of in Tampa.

E: Though, this universe is a dark one as a Dallas fan...

Top Hats Monthly
Jun 22, 2011


People are people so why should it be, that you and I should get along so awfully blink blink recall STOP IT YOU POSH LITTLE SHIT

Kyrosiris posted:

I am okay with this winning attitude I'm a part of in Tampa.

E: Though, this universe is a dark one as a Dallas fan...

its actually cool and good, along with the wild winning the cup!!

Kyrosiris
May 24, 2006

You try to be happy when everyone is summoning you everywhere to "be their friend".



Top Hats Monthly posted:

its actually cool and good, along with the wild winning the cup!!

All part of your thousand years of socialist Minnesotan darkness plan, eh?

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

Athanatos posted:

What the hell, our team sucks

Buffalo was near the bottom during the last update, and at some point during these last games, they won 15 games in a row.

ThinkTank
Oct 23, 2007

Hockles posted:


Ewic Windros is home.


WindTank Assemble!

Athanatos
Jun 7, 2006

Est. 2000

Hockles posted:

Buffalo was near the bottom during the last update, and at some point during these last games, they won 15 games in a row.

Someone isn't pulling their weight, and it's not the 5 time all-star :colbert:

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

End of 2022-23 Season Update

Playoff Results
NSH def SJS in 7
VAN def EDM in 5
CHI def WPG in 5
STL def COL in 5

TBL def MTL in 6
OTT def FLA in 7
CBJ def CAR in 7
NJD def PHI in 6

VAN def NSH in 5
CHI def STL in 7

OTT def TBL in 5
NJD def CBJ in 4

CHI def VAN in 4
OTT def NJD in 7

OTT def CHI in 5


NHL Awards
Stanley Cup Champions
Ottawa Senators

Presidents Trophy (Best Regular Season Record)
Carolina Hurricanes

Clarence S. Campbell Bowl (Western Conference Champion)
Chicago Blackhawks

Prince of Wales Trophy (Eastern Conference Champion)
Ottawa Senators

Art Ross Trophy (Most Points)
Jack Eichel -- New Jersey Devils

Hart Memorial Trophy (League MVP)
Jack Eichel -- New Jersey Devils

James Norris Memorial Trophy (Best Defenseman)
Aaron Athanatos -- Buffalo Sabres

Lady Byng Memorial Trophy (Best Sportsmanship & Gentlemanly Conduct)
Jack Eichel -- New Jersey Devils

Calder Memorial Trophy (Rookie of the Year)
Gordon Hutchings -- Chicago Blackhawks

Conn Smythe Trophy (Playoff MVP)
Robin Lehner -- Ottawa Senators

Vezina Trophy (Best Goaltender)
Jack Flinn -- Carolina Hurricanes

William M. Jennings Trophy (Goalie(s) on team with fewest Goals Against)
Jack Flinn -- Carolina Hurricanes

Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy (Perserverence, Sportsmanship & Dedication to hockey)
Jake Bean -- Washington Capitals

Frank J. Selke Trophy (Best Defensive Forward)
Jack Eichel -- New Jersey Devils

Ted Lindsay Award (League MVP as voted by NHLPA)
Jack Eichel -- New Jersey Devils

Maurice "Rocket" Richard Trophy (Most Goals)
Jack Eichel -- New Jersey Devils


Comments
Satonaka brings a cup back to Canada
Athanatos brings home another Norris trophy
Goons could potentially test the free agent market now...


http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2015 for Complete Stats


Upcoming Free-Agents
ARZ -- F. Lemur (UFA)
CHI -- R. Cola (UFA)
COL -- W. Van Steamsdyk (RFA)
EDM -- E. Rutkowski (UFA)
EDM -- R. McPhallus (UFA)
EDM -- Yokozuna (RFA)
LAK -- S. McStabson (UFA)
MIN -- C. Buttworth (RFA)
MTL -- C. Clemens (RFA)
NSH -- Zip (UFA)
NJD -- R. Picklechips (RFA)
NJD -- H. Chavez (RFA)
NYR -- A. Robertson (RFA)
OTT -- F. Stats (UFA)
OTT -- I. Strelkov (RFA)
PHI -- ThinkTank (UFA)
PHI -- E. Windros (RFA)
TBL -- T. Delacour (UFA)

Kyrosiris
May 24, 2006

You try to be happy when everyone is summoning you everywhere to "be their friend".



Yikes, my playoff stats were garbage.

E: also holy poo poo calm down Eichel

Pleads
Jun 9, 2005

pew pew pew


gently caress you, Winnipeg. Relocate this poo poo franchise.

THE MACHO MAN
Nov 15, 2007

...Carey...

draw me like one of your French Canadian girls
I'm home! I wove Philwy. I could stay on this ice forever



ThinkTank posted:

WindTank Assemble!

I will be your guiding elbow on your question to score the most goals without an assist in a season!

ThinkTank
Oct 23, 2007

THE MACHO MAN posted:

I will be your guiding elbow on your question to score the most goals without an assist in a season!

Think has already shattered that record, he's currently attempting to score the most goals without breaking 100 points (currently 66) a record held by his idol/substitute Dad Lanny McDonald.

Although he's going UFA for that sweet sweet cash this summer. Back that truck up, he's already got his cup ring so he's available to the highest bidder.

Do you need a 50 goal scoring stanley cup winner?
Do you want that 50 goal scorer to be temperamental, whiny, take lazy penalties and possibly spend his evenings under an overpass?
Do you hate assists and believe that teamwork is overrated (for 50 goal scorers only - everyone else should pass Think the loving puck)?
Can you play down accusations of petty theft and minor battery over stolen cans of beans by a star quality 50 goal scorer in the press?
Do you require your 50 goal scorers to be able to read the playbook?

If you answered YES to all these questions (except the last one) then we've got a FIFTY PLUS GOAL SCORING STANLEY CUP WINNING winger for you!*

*Winger may not be eligible for season start due to pending assault charges

ThinkTank fucked around with this message at 21:50 on May 5, 2015

Athanatos
Jun 7, 2006

Est. 2000
3 Norris, not even sniffed a Cup

Stiev Awt
Mar 20, 2007


Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

I just happened to check the google doc, and I noticed that the spreadsheets now have the color under them. I brought it up before, but it never carried over from my Excel doc. Now it does.

Awesome. :unsmith:

Deus Ex Macklemore
Jul 2, 2004


Zelensky's Zealots
Please, some team get me out of Arizona.

Dubious
Mar 7, 2006

The Heroes the Vikings Deserve
Lipstick Apathy
Chap Buttworth's tenure in his home state was really awful and he's getting ran out of town

no more tater tot hotdish and Grain Belt for ole Chap

Fat Lowtax
Nov 9, 2008


"I'm willing to pay up to $1200 for a big anime titty"


1 Stanley Cup in 1 NHL season, loving owned :hehe:

If the Sens just started me in the playoffs we would have won two cups

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

Flyinglemur posted:

Please, some team get me out of Arizona.

There is no way ARZ lets you walk.

e: :laffo: from the future

Hockles fucked around with this message at 22:20 on May 6, 2015

fancy stats
Sep 9, 2009

A man's man, wears a lot of denim, tells long stories and has oatmeal saved from this morning.

Is it time for my "knows how to win" pay cheque?

Stickarts
Dec 21, 2003

literally

Pleads posted:

gently caress you, Winnipeg. Relocate this poo poo franchise.

Trade me right loving now.

Stickarts
Dec 21, 2003

literally

Now hang up the phone.

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Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

2023 Offseason News

Notable Retired Players
Marc-Edouard Vlasic
Phil Kessel
Patrice Bergeron
Sidney Crosby
Drew Stafford
Mike Green
Brent Seabrook
Milan Lucic
David Krecji
Matt Niskanen
Mark Giordano
Marc Staal
Kris Letang
Keith Yandle
Martin Hanzal
Patrik Berglund
Erik Johnson
Jamie McGinn
Michael Frolik
Paul Statsny
Zack Smith
Artem Anisimov
Steve Downie
Carl Gunnarsson
Michael Grabner
Kyle Quincey
Riley Nash
Alec Martinez
Jake Muzzin
Danny DeKeyser
Richard Panik
Cory Conacher
Jordan Szwarz
David Schlemko
Brian Flynn
Ben Bishop
Cory Schneider
James Reimer
Ben Scrivens


Transaction News
ARZ -- re-signed F. Lemur to a $85mil/8yr contract
CHI -- re-signed R. Cola to a $10.1mil/2yr contract
COL -- re-signed W. Van Steamsdyk to a $1.5mil/1yr contract
EDM -- re-signed E. Rutkowski to a $6.8mil/2yr contract
EDM -- re-signed R. McPhallus to a $11.4mil2yr contract
EDM -- re-signed Yokozuna to a $23.5mil/3yr contract
LAK -- re-signed S. McStabson to a $44.6mil/5yr contract
MIN -- re-signed C. Buttworth to a $2.6mil/2yr contract
MTL -- re-signed C. Clemens to a $18.5mil/3yr contract
NSH -- re-signed Zip to a $19.5mil/3yr contract
NJD -- re-signed R. Picklechips to a $10.1mil/1yr contract
NYR -- re-signed A. Robertson to a $4.3mil/2yr contract
OTT -- re-signed F. Stats to a $6.8mil/2yr contract
OTT -- re-signed I. Strelkov to a $1.1mil/1yr contract
PHI -- re-signed ThinkTank to a $24.9mil/4yr contract
PHI -- re-signed E. Windros to a $6.4mil/2yr contract
TBL -- re-signed T. Delacour to a $14.6mil/3yr contract

TBL -- signed (RFA) H. Chavez to a $2.8mil/2yr contract.
No compensation was given to NJD
(Lowest compensation is this year's 3rd Round Pick, at $1.55mil/yr)

ARZ -- signed R. Grimaldi (86 OVR) to a 4yr contract
BUF -- signed N. Scherbak (87 OVR) to a 4yr contract
CHI -- signed L. Schenn (85 OVR) to a 3yr contract
NYR -- signed A. Ekblad (91 OVR) to a 6yr contract
VAN -- signed S. Voynov (87 OVR) to a 3yr contract


Top 10 Forward Salaries
  1. Jack Eichel -- $11.665mil
  2. Jonathan Droin -- $10.740mil
  3. Fred Lemur -- $10.630mil
  4. Connor McDavid -- $10.625mil
  5. Ralph Waldo Picklechips -- $10.100mil
  6. Nathan MacKinnon -- $9.845mil
  7. Kerby Rychel -- $9.565mil
  8. Mika Zibanejad -- $10.020mil
  9. Tyler Seguin -- $9.080mil
  10. Steven Stamkos -- $8.845mil

Top 5 Defenseman Salaries
  1. Ryan McDonagh -- $11.030mil
  2. Victor Hedman -- $9.180mil
  3. Hockles -- $9.030mil
  4. Jakub Zboril -- $9.010mil
  5. Gustav Bouramman -- $8.935mil

Top 5 Goalie Salaries
  1. Blade Mann-Dixon -- $9.410mil
  2. Michael McNiven -- $9.315mil
  3. Bradley Van Schubert -- $9.215mil
  4. Trevor Martin -- $8.915mil
  5. Felix Orphansbane -- $8.865mil

Huge Salaries in AHL
CHI -- Niklas Hjalmarsson (79 OVR) -- $3.990mil
CBL -- Cody Porter (83 OVR) -- $3.685mil
LAK -- Jonathan Quick (80 OVR) -- $6.345mil
MTL -- Carey Price (79 OVR) -- $7.620mil
TOR -- Jori Lehtera (78 OVR) -- $2.5mil
WSH -- Braden Holtby (82 OVR) -- $2.750mil
WPG -- Alex Dubeau (86 OVR) -- $5.510mil
WPG -- Bryan Little (80 OVR) -- $3.710mil


2023-24 Opening Night Info
ARZ -- F. Lemur -- Starting Center
BUF -- S. Samuelsson -- 2nd Line Left Wing
BUF -- A. Athanatos -- Starting D-Pairing
BUF -- Hockles -- Starting D-Pairing -- Alternate Captain
CGY -- T. Kingston Kid -- Starting Center -- Alternate Captain
CHI -- RC Cola -- 2nd D-Pairing
COL -- W. Van Steamsdyk -- 3rd Line Right Wing
CBJ -- R. Peters -- 2nd Line Center
CBJ -- J. Longrod -- Starting D-Pairing -- Alternate Captain
EDM -- E. Rutkowski -- 3rd Line Right Wing
EDM -- R. McPhallus -- 2nd D-Pairing
EDM -- Yokozuna -- Starting Goaltender
FLA -- P. Sanchez -- Starting Right Wing -- Alternate Captain
LAK -- S. McStabson -- Starting Right Wing -- Alternate Captain
LAK -- B. Bitdiddle -- 2nd D-Pairing
MIN -- T. Crushinator -- Starting Right Wing -- Alternate Captain
MIN -- C. Buttworth -- Backup Goaltender
MTL -- C. Clemens -- 2nd Line Center
NSH -- L. Alger -- 3rd Line Left Wing
NSH -- Zip -- Starting Goaltender
NJD -- W. Clarkson -- 3rd Line Left Wing
NJD -- R. Picklechips -- Starting Right Wing -- Alternate Captain
NYR -- A. Robertson -- Starting Goaltender
OTT -- S. Satonaka -- Starting Left Wing -- Alternate Captain
OTT -- F. Stats -- 3rd Line Right Wing
OTT -- I. Strelkov -- Backup Goaltender
PHI -- ThinkTank -- Starting Left Wing
PHI -- E. Windros Jr -- 2nd Line Left Wing
PIT -- A. Kilza -- Starting Goaltender
STL -- P. Wang -- 2nd Line Left Wing
TBL -- B. Banton -- 2nd Line Right Wing
TBL -- P. O'Bourke -- Starting D-Pairing
TBL -- T. Delacour -- Starting Goaltender
TBL -- H. Chavez -- Backup Goaltender
TOR -- F. Orphansbane -- Starting Goaltender
VAN -- J. Helar -- Starting Left Wing
VAN -- M. O'Leary -- 2nd D-Pairing -- Alternate Captain
WSH -- J. Hilder -- Starting Right Wing -- Alternate Captain
WSH -- S. Pepperdick -- Starting Goaltender
WPG -- S. Saskatanov -- Starting Right Wing
WPG -- L. Gallant -- 2nd D-Pairing


Line spreadsheet: http://bit.ly/1GShsJ5


Comments
Everybody is still too valuable to their team to let go
Except Chavez.

Hockles fucked around with this message at 02:13 on May 8, 2015

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