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Dr Christmas
Apr 24, 2010

Berninating the one percent,
Berninating the Wall St.
Berninating all the people
In their high rise penthouses!
🔥😱🔥🔫👴🏻

I know it's in almost every page, but the "Wow" tag is somehow funnier on this one.

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flerp
Feb 25, 2014
Escaped Caterpillar On Rampage Through City

Yvonmukluk
Oct 10, 2012

Everything is Sinister



I'm not going to lie, I read it in the voice of Cecil from Welcome to Night Vale.

AgentHaiTo
Feb 7, 2003

Well, isn't this a coincidence? So, um, how you doing? You're busy, I know and I don't want to distract you, please, don't let me interrupt you.

Oh god, that reminded me of that manga with the man shaped holes. Everyone has a hole that is just for them.

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008

AgentHaiTo posted:

Oh god, that reminded me of that manga with the man shaped holes. Everyone has a hole that is just for them.

The Enigma of Amigara Fault by Junji Ito.

Tracula
Mar 26, 2010

PLEASE LEAVE
Is every single Clickhole tagged with 'Wow'? I would be surprised if it isn't.

Ugly In The Morning
Jul 1, 2010
Pillbug
http://www.clickhole.com/article/am...source=facebook

Something about the phrase "the rat-souled jackal man I live to throw bricks at" still has me chuckling. I can't put my finger on why it strikes me as so god drat funny.

LifeLynx
Feb 27, 2001

Dang so this is like looking over his shoulder in real-time
Grimey Drawer

Yvonmukluk posted:

I'm not going to lie, I read it in the voice of Cecil from Welcome to Night Vale.

After reading the article title, I immediately checked the date to see if the next episode was out yet, so you're not alone.

Arsonist Daria
Feb 27, 2011

Requiescat in pace.

Tracula posted:

Is every single Clickhole tagged with 'Wow'? I would be surprised if it isn't.

Someone said earlier in the thread that they aren't all tagged with it, but it's a very, very high percentage. I wouldn't be surprised if sometimes they just forget to include the tag.

prefect
Sep 11, 2001

No one, Woodhouse.
No one.




Dead Man’s Band

Ugly In The Morning posted:

http://www.clickhole.com/article/am...source=facebook

Something about the phrase "the rat-souled jackal man I live to throw bricks at" still has me chuckling. I can't put my finger on why it strikes me as so god drat funny.

Should have switched the authors; Hemingway was all about using as few words as possible. :spergin:

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008

A Woman As Beautiful And Intoxicated As Yourself Shouldn’t Be Drinking Alone, My Dear

yeah actually they will
Aug 18, 2012
http://www.usgamer.net/articles/video-game-cheats-n-beatums-17-dont-tread-on-my-hills

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008


Holy poo poo.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin
6 Things That Could’ve Been Bought With The $1.5 Trillion The Government Spent Developing The F-35 Fighter Jet

This one definitely fits the pattern of leaving the best for the end.

bamhand
Apr 15, 2010
How do I prevent the new Onion videos from automatically pausing when I switch tabs? Seems to have just started happening this week.

SpiderHyphenMan
Apr 1, 2010

by Fluffdaddy
An Oral History of Pixar

"I wrote a piece about a clump of rotting spinach stuck in a garbage disposal that comes alive for 12 seconds and then dies."

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


Report: White House Officials Deliberately Hid FDR’s Mechanical Spider Legs From Public

User-Friendly
Apr 27, 2008

Is There a God? (Pt. 9)

Lumberjack Bonanza posted:

Someone said earlier in the thread that they aren't all tagged with it, but it's a very, very high percentage. I wouldn't be surprised if sometimes they just forget to include the tag.

The "Next week on Clickhole" articles don't have it.

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


User-Friendly posted:

The "Next week on Clickhole" articles don't have it.

Nor do the "They Said What?!" pieces.

Bucswabe
May 2, 2009

Dr Christmas posted:

I know it's in almost every page, but the "Wow" tag is somehow funnier on this one.

I actually think the real gems in this one are the "Jim" and "Lisa" tags. I cracked up when I saw that.

I mean, why would anyone ever need a "Jim" tag?!

Fight Club Sandwich
Apr 29, 2006

you want a piece of me???
New Clickventure

DJ This Party

Jet Jaguar
Feb 12, 2006

Don't touch my bags if you please, Mr Customs Man.




Ending up as a construction worker is the best.

This was way too accurate for my day: Report: Putting Head In Hands And Moaning Quietly Still Best Way To Get Through Next Several Seconds

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


I ended up owning NASA, which is theoretically pretty sweet.

Zore
Sep 21, 2010
willfully illiterate, aggressively miserable sourpuss whose sole raison d’etre is to put other people down for liking the wrong things

I empowered the other DJ, and though I do not own the club I helped someone and am free to drop sick beats on Prague.

:unsmith:

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

Zore posted:

I empowered the other DJ, and though I do not own the club I helped someone and am free to drop sick beats on Prague.

:unsmith:

I got this ending too and I'm really happy.

Also I managed to inform people about the Challenger Disaster, so all in all it was a win-win evening for DJ Musik.

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008

The Onion Reviews 'Avengers: Age Of Ultron'

SpaceViking
Sep 2, 2011

Who put the stars in the sky? Coyote will say he did it himself, and it is not a lie.
I managed to talk my way into a desk job at the NSA after pulling off a music torrent nobody else thought possible.

ex post facho
Oct 25, 2007


Treasury Department Honors Women With First Female Currency

This is god drat brilliant.

Miles Vorkosigan
Mar 21, 2007

The stuff that dreams are made of.
Kentucky Sheriff On Suspect Shot By Deputy: 'We Are Glad That He Is White'

Oh wait. :v:

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


Ready To Feel Old? Kids Born In 2001 Are Already Getting Tried As Adults

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008

Sometimes the simplest Kellys are the best.

zoux
Apr 28, 2006



Looks like Clickhole didn't do their homework. Again.

KillHour
Oct 28, 2007


zoux posted:



Looks like Clickhole didn't do their homework. Again.

I'm waiting for someone to just run with it.

HackensackBackpack
Aug 20, 2007

Who needs a house out in Hackensack? Is that all you get for your money?

Evil Mastermind posted:

Sometimes the simplest Kellys are the best.



This is perfect.

The MSJ
May 17, 2010

Here's a shout out to kids like the Alexa Ray Joel and the Beckham siblings. And Louisa Gummer, who I can never date because I will only ever pretend to date your hot mom.
http://www.clickhole.com/article/things-only-people-incredibly-sexy-parents-will-un-2410

Something for dads.
http://www.clickhole.com/article/14-drawers-made-our-dad-roar-2424

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008


Study: Average Father Thinks About Sealing In Meat’s Juices 4 To 5 Hours A Day

Jet Jaguar
Feb 12, 2006

Don't touch my bags if you please, Mr Customs Man.




This almost didn't need the article as the headline is perfect, but I'm glad they wrote one anyway.

Melissa Gerard, Villanova University posted:

“Whether a father is at work, at home, or already marinating another meat, roughly every six seconds on average, his mind starts drifting to thoughts of using charcoal or gas flames to create an evenly browned surface on a cut of meat that traps the juices inside. In a lifetime, he might spend 15 years thinking about how to prevent those juices from escaping.”

Konec Hry
Jul 13, 2005

too much love will kill you

Grimey Drawer
Presenting without comment: Self-Deprecating Man Just Scratching Surface Of How Pathetic He Actually Is

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KillHour
Oct 28, 2007



gently caress. :smith:

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