Ryan North's To Be or Not To Be: The Adventures of Porkchop Weebottoms

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Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Ophelia's not going to risk suggesting that the ghost go and do some murders on his own. Best case scenario, a ghost murders someone; worst case scenario, a ghost murders someone and then gets encouraged and murders a ton of other people while he's at it. We've seen that happen once before, after all. The world honestly doesn't need any more ghostsplosion vigilantes running around.

quote:

This ghost is being pretty weird, and you're not even sure that Hamlet's dad would ever be that inconsiderate toward you. You know just what to do about him.

The only problem is, how? You're not even sure spectral beings can be damaged, let alone blown to tiny fragments. You don't know of any explosives that produce anything more than heat, shrapnel, and physical force. None of those are likely to damage a ghost. In fact, nothing at all is likely to damage a ghost, except... other ghosts?

That gives you an idea. It's a long shot, and it depends heavily on how extraordinarily creepy that one guy at university really is, but it just might do the trick. You get out your smartphone and navigate over to the icon for the loss.exe app, untouched since you installed under it that guy's constant pressuring. You take a deep breath, brace yourself, and tap the icon.

Instantly you wish you hadn't. The title screen names the app as "MISCARRIAGE SIMULATOR ALPHA 7." Worse, it doesn't even finish loading before your phone suddenly emits a double buzz, indicating a new text message. And it's him.

...or come near me again or I'm calling the king of loving Denmark, bye. Ugh. Maybe you'll hang back at Elsinore for another semester or two.

Hearing the ghost clear his throat, you remember the task at hand. You get the app running again and let it load all the way, fingers tightening on your phone. When it does load, all that appears is some kind of four-panel comic. There isn't any dialogue, just some guy in a hospital or something. You tap around it a little bit and nothing happens, until your finger comes to rest on the fourth panel. Text flashes onto the screen, rising upwards and fading away: "MISCARRIAGES: 1"

You try tapping a few more times. The same thing happens, only the number goes up by one with each tap. You're happy this thing isn't feature complete, whatever it is. But what features does it have? You wonder...

And then you're handing your phone over to the ghost and bidding him try the app out. He shrugs and takes the phone, and it phases partway into his ethereal body as he sets to tapping. Nothing seems to happen, at first, until a dozen or so times, when you start to hear a tiny wailing from beyond. You ask what's going on, and the ghost shushes you, muttering something about trying to get a high score, not noticing his ghostly body starting to balloon outward.

To his credit, he actually manages to get up to about 900 before he explodes asunder in a shower of ghost fetuses. The tiny, wispy things go flying in every direction until they're caught by the wind, mewling and puking little gobs of ectoplasm, pulled into a little vortex of disembodied torsos and twisted faces. Gradually an eddy lifts them up into the sky, and little by little they fade away in the moonlight.

You pick your phone up off the stone platform and check it for damage. There's a small dent on one corner but otherwise it's none the worse for wear. You delete the app immediately and turn to Hamlet, who's just staring up at the moon, aghast.

"C'mon, Porkchop. Let's go," you tell him. He shakes himself back to his senses and stares at you. "It was just a ghost."

"What... was that?" He asks, still dumbfounded.

"It's an app."

"What... kind of app?"

"The kind that's making heaven too loving crowded," you mutter as you descend the steps. You slip into your room, gulp down the contents of your thermometer prototype, and collapse into bed.

Oops, I think I transcribed that one wrong. Let's try again.

quote:

"Sup," says the ghost.

"How do we know you're really Hamlet Sr.?" you ask.

"Oh," says the ghost. "Oh. Um. I guess... ask me some things only Hamlet's dad would know?"

You do so (they're pretty boring questions about family junk, you're not missing out on anything by me not including them here), and the ghost answers them perfectly. Better still, he answers them as only Hamlet Sr. could answer them, and even makes a reference to a running joke you two had a few months ago. "I can't gobble this!" says the ghost, and then together the two of you shout, "It's tooooo spicy!!" and then you're laughing like what you just said is the funniest thing ever in time.

I don't get it. I guess you had to be there?

Anyway, this is totally the ghost of Hamlet's dad!! IDENTITY: CONFIRMED.

That's better. Wonder what jester got fired for that particular running joke.

quote:

"So Hamlet is supposed to murder Claudius," you say.

"Yes," Hamlet and the ghost reply, in unison. Then they notice they replied in unison and fist-bump each other. Well, the ghost's fist goes through Hamlet's fist and stops a little inside it, but you can see what they were going for.

"And then Claudius will be dead and Hamlet will be king," you say.

"Yes," Hamlet and the ghost reply, in unison again. And then they fist-bump each other again and it's even more off this time. They're not even aligned horizontally with each other. Come on, guys.

"So what's to prevent Claudius from becoming a ghost and seeking his own revenge?" you say, raising one eyebrow.

"Um," says the ghost.

"In fact, can ghosts kill each other? Because then the best case for us is that one of you ghost-kills the other and then considers himself revenged. Worst case is that you can't kill each other but instead exist as ghosts forever, which means that the two of you -- each with an endless list of sins from long before anyone left alive was born -- will continue to meddle in the living world, revenging yourself against each other, back and forth, for millennia to come."

"Oh, um, I think--" the ghost begins, then coughs. "No -- um, yeah, I think you only become a ghost under certain circumstances."

"Like being murdered when you still have things you want to complete on this mortal plane?" you ask.

"Oh. Right. That'd apply to Claudius too," the ghost says. "Huh."

Ophelia could very well nip this murder plot in the bud, for the way she's heading. Or does she want to backpedal?

Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

What'd you do to get your tindeck banned?

Prove your ghostliness Hamlet Sr.

Copyrighted material, according to the site owner.

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 19:32 on May 16, 2015

# ? May 16, 2015 19:25

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# ? May 20, 2024 23:08

Ignatius M. Meen: May 26, 2011; Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...

_{no lie the explosions are the best part of the LP}

*cough* Er, let's see where non-murder takes us.

# ? May 16, 2015 21:36

Decoy Badger: May 16, 2009

That loss.jpg spoof was pretty funny!

Murder!

# ? May 17, 2015 04:19

Glazius: Jul 22, 2007; Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.; Clapping Larry

Look, this is a play about murders, so let's get some murders up ins.

# ? May 17, 2015 22:48

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Thanks! I have a lot of fun writing those. Ophelia's going to have a lot of fun playing devil's advocate in a very literal sense, too.

quote:

(on the other hand, you say, meeting the gazes of both hamlet and the ghost)

The ghost blinks. He hadn't considered that.

"You're the first ghost I've seen, Hamlet Sr., and if ghosts lived forever I expect I'd already have been bothered by caveman ghosts long ago, each of them demanding that I go smash in some other caveman's descendant's head to make up for when THEY got their head smashed in hundreds of generations before I was even born. Old hatreds lasting forever, ancient slights never forgotten, the embarrassing prejudices of our grandparents multiplied a thousand times..." You trail off, imagining how frustrating it'd be to explain to an angry and confused and immortal pre-linguistic caveman who can walk through walls how to better cope with, say, the pangs of despised love, the law's delay, the insolence of office, and the spurns that patient merit of the unworthy takes.

"Right!" says the ghost, considerably cheered. He holds up one finger. "So either immortal ghosts have better things to do with their time, which is good," he says. He then holds up a second finger. "Or I'm the first immortal ghost, which is good because then they're really unlikely and we can't expect that Claudius would be the second one."

He pauses, then holds up a third finger. "OR I'm going to ghost-die one day, which is bad."

"Not that bad," you say. "After all, you've died once before and you came through it alright. You can float now."

"True," says the ghost, floating. "Okay. So! Are you guys in or what? Will you murder Claudius and avenge my death??"

Ophelia's little internal tangent there is pulled directly from Hamlet's "To be or not to be" speech in Act III of the play.

Speaking of which, is this murder plot to be, or not to be?

Pittsburgh Lambic fucked around with this message at 03:33 on May 18, 2015

# ? May 18, 2015 03:31

GenderSelectScreen: Mar 7, 2010; I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME; College Slice

Tell the ghost you are :gay:

# ? May 18, 2015 03:41

Decoy Badger: May 16, 2009

Go kill some dudes.

# ? May 18, 2015 03:52

Cowboy Otis: Feb 23, 2015

Let's say we are out.

# ? May 18, 2015 04:09

Ignatius M. Meen: May 26, 2011; Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...

We came this far already s0 we might as well go all in.

# ? May 18, 2015 07:29

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Ophelia has something very important that she needs to talk about before she can go through with this.

quote:

You start to say yes, but hesitate. You can't believe you let it come to this. Leading Hamlet along, sure, spending a lot of time closer to him than you're comfortable with, fine fine, but helping him murder a member of his own family? You can't do that for him while still pretending that the two of you have a future together. If Claudius really did do the things that his dead brother says he did, killing him might be justified, but you can't do that and then turn around and tell Hamlet that you really like him but will never be attracted to him. Despite how much Polonius leans on you to marry royal blood and get his bloodline into the royal family, you've never been able to feel that way towards a man, and last fall at college, you met this one girl in ballet who really seemed to like being around you, and she started coming over a lot, and... and...

You hear Hamlet clear his throat. You know they're still waiting for your answer, while your eyes are winced shut, trembling fingers clasped nervously together. How? How can you say this? How should you, how can you admit to the Prince of Denmark that you're really only into girls and you only spent time with Hamlet because your father threw you at him? How should you start? What words can you use to say this that won't explode in front of you? How, how, how are you going to--

"I'm gay."

The words sneak out of your lips before you realize you're saying anything. Your eyes snap open, your heart feeling like it wants to tie itself into knots. This isn't good. This isn't going to work at all. You can already see the shocked expressions of your boyfriend and his father, eyes drilling deep into yours, your lips still partly open.

It's Hamlet who breaks the silence. "Hey. Dad?" He turns to his ghostly father.

"Yes?" replies Hamlet Sr., his son's face suddenly curled into a huge, repulsive grin.

"I'm gay," Hamlet states, matter-of-factly. You don't even have time to gasp before his father responds, leaning forward and pointing a spectral finger right in Hamlet's face. They both start giggling wildly.

"I'm gay!" The ghost retorts, and there's something off about his tone -- like he's denying what Hamlet said and asserting it about himself.

"I'm gay." Hamlet responds, his voice whiny and pleading, like a child repeating his demand for a sugary treat, then snickering, that awful grin never leaving his face.

"I'm gay," Hamlet Sr. declares as he pumps one armored fist forward. A ghostly banner suddenly appears in his hand, the flag on top bearing an image of two strong hands pulling outward on what appears to be a ring. In fact, it looks almost like a -- no. You quickly avert your eyes.

Hamlet opens his mouth, but he hesitates upon hearing a set of armored boots clomping down the platform towards the three of you. You look, and it's the watchman Bernardo. He stops in front of the three of you, seeing the former King before him, and stands stiff at attention. Hamlet Sr. inclines his head toward him, as if expecting a report.

Bernardo registers this, and reads out his report at once: "I'm gay."

Hamlet and his father both laugh and slap their knees repeatedly; the ghost answers with an "I'm gay" toned as if in sudden understanding of something, and Hamlet chimes in happily as well with another "I'm gay." This continues for a few moments, until you hear an alarm bell tolling at one of the castle towers, instantly silencing the laughter. It's Marcellus, pulling frantically on the bell rope with one hand and waving for your attention with the other. Upon having all of your ears, Marcellus gives a long shout, in a tone typically only reserved for warning the castle of an imminent attack: "I'M GAAAAYYYY!"

Below you, in the great hall, you hear the chatter and merriment of the King's nightly feast suddenly cut to silence. Everybody who wants to be recognized as somebody in Elsinore is up late to drink and laugh with King Claudius, and every one of them is certain to have heard that. The silence persists as you creep down the steps and peer through one window. Everyone has in the hall has stopped mid-stride, staring blankly up at the ceiling or at the king.

And indeed, it's Claudius who's first to speak up, a single drumbeat announcing his intention to address the court. "My dear subjects, this night I do by royal decree pronounce:"

A drummer begins a slow, swelling roll.

"I'M GAY!" King Claudius shouts triumphantly.

"I'm gay," Lord Polonius adds.

"I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay," Osric clarifies.

"Gas," mutters Queen Gertrude as she drops a pearl into her flagon of Rhenish, swirls it around for a moment, and begins to chug fervently.

As she does, the great hall erupts into riotous laughter and shout after shout of "I'm gay!" rising above the din, everybody making sure they're heard loud and clear if only for a moment. You've either stumbled upon a catchphrase or unleashed some sort of verbal infection; either way it's all quite distasteful.

It doesn't stop, either. You start to fold your arms, intending to wait it out, when your senses are momentarily shattered by a deafeningly loud squish sounding on all sides. As you open your eyes, you find all of the air around you is suddenly green and smoky, filled with some sort of shifting, rolling fog -- and when you breathe in, you instantly double over with a strangled cry, searing pain shooting through your lungs. Poison!

Everything's a bright green, in fact, every stone of Elsinore Castle one of a few varying shades. You hear coughing and choking all around you. No one is safe from the toxic vapors; everybody is wheezing and falling to their knees, gasping for breath, writhing around on the ground in pain. Even Hamlet Sr. is stumbling and groaning in agony; the poison is somehow able to affect ghosts.

Your knees give way and you fall to the ground, resigned to your fate, not even trying to hold your breath anymore. By now the scorching pain is consuming your whole body; your lips and extremities are already going numb. Hamlet collapses a few feet away from you, retching, hands clasped around his throat. As he rolls to and fro on the ground, weakening, his consciousness quickly slipping away from him, he manages to croak out two last words. Those words are the last thing you hear before you too succumb to the gas:

"I'm gay."

THE END

On second thought, let's just forget that ever happened.

quote:

Hamlet nods. "The two of us will avenge you, Father," he says, solemnly.

"Neato," replies the ghost. "Two heads are better than one, right? Okay! Well, I'm gonna go now; be sure to let me know when he's dead!"

His transparent body is turning to leave when you realize something. "Wait!" you shout, and the ghost stops. "You can become invisible and walk around places, right? Float in the sky whenever you want, all that stuff?"

"Totes," says the ghost.

"Okay, well-- can you go do some reconnaissance for us? You know, follow Claudius around, let us know his habits? If we're going to kill him, it'd help to know where he usually hangs out."

"That's easy: he gets drunk in the same tavern every night," the ghost says. "Then he goes home and falls asleep." The ghost looks at you. "If I were you, I'd kill him while he's drunk and asleep," he says and disappears.

You and Hamlet are left staring at each other.

"Okay. Well. Let's make a list of all the ways to kill a dude," you suggest. You and Hamlet spend the next few days making up just such a list together, and now it's done! It's pretty cool! You should probably look at it!

Well then, let's see what happens when Hamlet and Ophelia put their heads together and collaborate on something other than central heating.

quote:

Poison in the Ear (Done before, we know it works.)

Stabs (Not always fatal: I saw a dude get stabbed in the leg and then pull out the sword, it was awesome. -Hamlet)

Stabs in Eye (Always fatal? Probably???)

Suffocation (Easy if Claudius is sleeping, hard if Claudius is awake and not wanting to suffocate, but easy again if Claudius is in space. -O)

Drowning (Requires: water.)

Explosion (Requires: explosions.)

Implosion (Even harder but might be fun?)

Bladder Explosion (Requires: water, no bathrooms, social pressure.)

Old Age (Requires: patience, liberal definition of "murder.")

Murder Him but Just Make It Look Like Old Age (Requires: makeup???)

Get Him to Read a Book That's Just Like the Murder He Committed and Then He'll Get Nervous and Confirm his Guilt and Then We Can Stab Him (Requires: book, also seems like "Stabs" would be easier?? -O)

Make Him Accidentally Pass a Law that Says He Has to be Murdered Before the Law Can Be Repealed (Note: Hamlet insists we put this here because It's Crazy Enough to Work. -O)

Blast Him into Space, Which the Ghost Came Back While We Were Writing This to Explain Is a Vast Vacuum Where There's No Air (See: suffocation.)

Stabs, as it's the simplest and there's swords here, like, everywhere.

Drowning, as you think you can make it look like an accident.

Blast Him into Space, because Hamlet insists on it.

and also the stupid book one because, again, Hamlet insists on it.

Hamlet's pretty satisfied with the list. "Your call, Ophelia," he says!

Thanks for visiting outer space for us, Hamlet Dad! How are we going to kill Claudius?

# ? May 21, 2015 02:40

GenderSelectScreen: Mar 7, 2010; I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME; College Slice

Oh my god, you magnificent bastard. :allears:

The book sounds like an idea that might work

# ? May 21, 2015 02:43

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

Blast that fucker into space.

# ? May 21, 2015 02:44

Ignatius M. Meen: May 26, 2011; Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...

I just wanted to go to space!

# ? May 21, 2015 03:19

Cowboy Otis: Feb 23, 2015

SPAAAAACE!

# ? May 21, 2015 14:46

Glaive17: Oct 11, 2012; What is there left to discover about donuts...?; Pillbug

I'm gay... for space.

# ? May 21, 2015 15:20

Decoy Badger: May 16, 2009

I'm gay for this LP :syoon:

Spaaaaaace!

# ? May 21, 2015 15:42

whitehelm: Apr 20, 2008

SPAAAAAAAACE

# ? May 21, 2015 19:11

Stallion Cabana: Feb 14, 2012; 1; Get into Grad School

2; Become better at playing Tabletop, both as a player and as a GM/ST/W/E

~~3; Get rid of this goddamn avatar.~~

Space, then the Book.

# ? May 21, 2015 19:33

Kangra: May 7, 2012

Why would a smart scientist like Ophelia believe a crazy ghost who says that the 'vacuum' exists? This 'space' thing is obviously not going to kill him, because space is not empty. Although I guess it could be filled with poison gas.

May as well choose space just to get it out of the way.

# ? May 21, 2015 22:34

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Let's start by spacing the King.

quote:

"AWESOME," Hamlet says. "I'm glad you chose this option!" So wow, it seems everyone is down with this course of action, Ophelia!

Okay so space travel hasn't been invented yet (IF IT EVER WILL BE, I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE I AM FROM HISTORY TOO) so this is going to be a bit -- tricky?

You and Hamlet spend most of your time trying to invent rocket ships, but this is with old-timey technology which is, like, tarps and stuff, so needless to say it doesn't work. However, a few months into your research you begin to think that if you can't reach the stars, second best isn't so bad and so you and Hamlet get Claudius drunk and put him in a giant wicker basket attached to a hot air balloon, which is a thing you did manage to invent!

Then you send him so far up he suffocates to death in the thin air up there, and then the balloon explodes due to the low atmospheric pressure, and then when his body hits the ground it explodes too, so I guess the saying is wrong after all -- and really, revenge is a dish best served at slightly below body temperature, dropped from a great height, and observed from a safe distance.

THE END

Stats this adventure:

Fists Bumped: 2

Stockings Befouled: 1

Choices Made: 16

Times You Were: 1

Times You Were Not: 0

Rosencrantzes: 1

Guildensterns: 1

GAME OVER

Our map has been updated!

That's a lot of blue uncovered. The adventure will continue in the next post.

# ? May 22, 2015 14:05

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Ophelia uses a 1-up! She has one remaining.

Instead of all that, we're going to try Hamlet's book idea, as voted on by Stallion Cabana and Ophelias Gay Secret. Where could Hamlet be going with this?

quote:

"We don't know any writers though," you say.

"Not a problem," replies Hamlet, "for among my princely duties is STUDYING ENGLISH LITERATURE. Also, Danish literature."

"I mean, that's great, but that doesn't make you a writer," you say. "Just like being a history major doesn't make you, I don't know, Julius Caesar."

"Please, Ophelia," Hamlet says, taking your hand. "Give me a week and you'll have your book."

So, you give him his week. In that week you stay mostly in your room and don't hear much from Hamlet. King Claudius seems happy that Hamlet has disappeared from view, so not much happens.

Oh! You do figure out a way to measure the specific gravity of alcohol while Hamlet's busy. That's pretty cool. All it requires is a flask that's weighed three times: once empty, once full of water, and once full of the liquid you're measuring, and then you can-- but why am I telling you this? You invented the whole technique!

ANYWAY. A week later, Hamlet runs into your room, clutching a manuscript. "I finished the book!" he says.

"Excellent! Can I read it?"

"Let me read it to you! You see, it's one of those amazing READ WHILE AN ADVENTURE IS CHOSEN novels. You choose what happens to the main character! Choose from over three different outcomes."

"Oh no," you say.

"Oh yes," Hamlet says and clears his throat, then holds out one hand in front of him. "Murder!" he shouts dramatically. "It is what you committed. Is this true??"

Hamlet stares at you expectantly. "Well, is it?"

"You want me to choose here?" you ask.

"Yes please," Hamlet replies. "Your options are yes or no."

Never stop, Porkchop. Never stop.

# ? May 22, 2015 14:07

Cowboy Otis: Feb 23, 2015

The idea is that we show this to Claudius, right? So we want to trick him into choosing yes?

# ? May 22, 2015 21:38

Stallion Cabana: Feb 14, 2012; 1; Get into Grad School

2; Become better at playing Tabletop, both as a player and as a GM/ST/W/E

~~3; Get rid of this goddamn avatar.~~

There is something incredibly endearing about Porkchop Weebottoms as a Loveable Buffoon.

I feel like Yorick was onto something.

# ? May 22, 2015 22:15

Ignatius M. Meen: May 26, 2011; Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...

I wonder what happens if we say no. It might not be a but thou must choice.

# ? May 22, 2015 22:21

dreezy: Mar 4, 2015; yeah, rip.

Ignatius M. Meen posted:

I wonder what happens if we say no. It might not be a but thou must choice.

My prediction is that Hamlet will say "Hmm... I hadn't thought of that" and if you say yes he will take that as a confession of killing his pops and kill you.

no

# ? May 22, 2015 22:58

GenderSelectScreen: Mar 7, 2010; I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME; College Slice

# ? May 23, 2015 08:46

Glazius: Jul 22, 2007; Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.; Clapping Larry

We should probably say no since Ophelia hasn't really killed anybody.

# ? May 23, 2015 09:20

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Ophelia's going to put this CYOA through some rigorous playtesting.

quote:

"Liar!" he shouts. "You totally killed your brother by poisoning him in the ear! You should admit it right now." He then looks at you. You stare back at him, evenly.

"Your choices are to admit it or not admit it," he finally says.

Hamlet's Choose-Your-Own-Adventure novel is just full of surprises! What's Ophelia going to pick next?

# ? May 23, 2015 16:01

GenderSelectScreen: Mar 7, 2010; I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME; College Slice

poo poo, he knows :tinfoil:

Admit

# ? May 23, 2015 17:22

Glazius: Jul 22, 2007; Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.; Clapping Larry

Porkchop, stick to studying. Don't admit it.

# ? May 23, 2015 18:27

dreezy: Mar 4, 2015; yeah, rip.

Don't admit it again.

# ? May 23, 2015 18:31

Ignatius M. Meen: May 26, 2011; Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...

We're not admitting a thing until our lawyer gets here.

# ? May 24, 2015 01:27

Pittsburgh Lambic: Feb 16, 2011

Ophelia briefly considers getting a bunch of people together to vote on which option she should choose, but decides to just deny murdering anybody instead.

quote:

Hamlet furrows his brow and turns to a different page. "Liar!!" he reads. "You totally killed your brother by poisoning him in the ear! We all know it. You should admit it right now. You should definitely do that." He looks up from the book.

You sigh.

"Your choices are to admit it or not admit it," he explains. "Listen, I'm just throwing this out here, but maybe you should admit it, okay? It would be super great if you did that."

Porkchop is leaning on Ophelia to choose specific options during her playthrough. That's pretty rude!

# ? May 24, 2015 05:33

GenderSelectScreen: Mar 7, 2010; I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME; College Slice

Since this is ancient Denmark, perhaps we should go with the norm and respect our boyfriend's wishes and admit it

# ? May 24, 2015 06:16

Added Space: Jul 13, 2012; Free Markets
Free People

Curse you Hayard-Gunnes!

Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

Since this is ancient Denmark, perhaps we should go with the norm and respect our boyfriend's wishes and admit it

MRA shitlord detected!

Admit nothing, break the patriarchy!

# ? May 24, 2015 06:19

GenderSelectScreen: Mar 7, 2010; I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME; College Slice

Added Space posted:

MRA shitlord detected!

It's called following the Rules of Jante, ~~human being~~ feminist scum.

EDIT: Wrong "f-word".

GenderSelectScreen fucked around with this message at 06:23 on May 24, 2015

# ? May 24, 2015 06:20

Ignatius M. Meen: May 26, 2011; Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...

This is going to end poorly but we'll roll our eyes and admit it.

# ? May 24, 2015 10:13

Stephen9001: Oct 28, 2013

Admit to nothing!

I can have moments of... eccentricity and sometimes be quite curious about things. Please forgive me if I do something foolish or rude.

# ? May 24, 2015 10:54

Thesaya: May 17, 2011; I am a Plant.

No.

# ? May 24, 2015 17:51

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# ? May 20, 2024 23:08

Cowboy Otis: Feb 23, 2015

Admit to nothing.

# ? May 24, 2015 22:59

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