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Squalid
Nov 4, 2008

Sulla-Marius 88 posted:

Is there an ask/tell thread about ancient Rome where people know what they are talking about and actually answer questions, TIA

NO

the internet makes you stupid

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Teriyaki Hairpiece
Dec 29, 2006

I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.
I know about Roman things, let me tell you about the Emperor who was killed by lightning.

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Enjoy every sandwich.

Smellrose

cheerfullydrab posted:

I know about Roman things, let me tell you about the Emperor who was killed by lightning.

Man, the Final Fantasy series is getting really weird.

SlothfulCobra
Mar 27, 2011

How did the rest of the Italian peninsula get out from under Rome's (western flavor) control during the dying days of the empire?

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Enjoy every sandwich.

Smellrose

SlothfulCobra posted:

How did the rest of the Italian peninsula get out from under Rome's (western flavor) control during the dying days of the empire?

Pretty much by being conquered by whichever flavor of the week Germanic tribe was in charge of the peninsula that decade.

If that sounds flippant, remember that the Italian peninsula had been the core region of the empire for so long there was little effective cultural difference between it and the city of Rome by the time the Western Empire fell. What cultural differences there are today are mostly because of what happened in the 1500 years after the Western Empire collapsed.

Vincent Van Goatse fucked around with this message at 05:38 on May 19, 2015

Patter Song
Mar 26, 2010

Hereby it is manifest that during the time men live without a common power to keep them all in awe, they are in that condition which is called war; and such a war as is of every man against every man.
Fun Shoe

SlothfulCobra posted:

How did the rest of the Italian peninsula get out from under Rome's (western flavor) control during the dying days of the empire?

It...didn't, really. Italy stayed as more or less one entity through Odoacer's day and then in Theodoric's. It was the Byzantine-Ostrogoth Wars starting in the 530s that turned Italy into the charred hellscape no man's land we all think of...the aqueducts were cut in the 530s, for example, and Theodoric's court in the 520s still had a classically-educated Roman Senate that he appeased.

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?


Yeah a lot of it was the empire's fault. They reconquered Italy, then lost parts of it again. Then the local imperial overseers were given a lot of autonomy, which brings us excellently named entities like the Exarchate of Ravenna. Continual warfare slowly divides Italy into city states as the smallest stable units of society.

Jack2142
Jul 17, 2014

Shitposting in Seattle

Grand Fromage posted:

Yeah a lot of it was the empire's fault. They reconquered Italy, then lost parts of it again. Then the local imperial overseers were given a lot of autonomy, which brings us excellently named entities like the Exarchate of Ravenna. Continual warfare slowly divides Italy into city states as the smallest stable units of society.

Yeah, essentially Italy was the Byzantine version of Iraq, they went in hosed poo poo up and tore down the local power structure. After they pulled out alot of soldiers to deal with other poo poo the Ostrogoths rose back up, they surged in more troops and managed to defeat them after more fighting. Finally after they beat the Ostrogoth's down the Lombard's decided to come out of Italy and proceeded to conquer most of Italy besides a few places, and the Lombards were far less "romanized" than the previous goths. I was reading an interesting Byzantine history book which seemed to imply the Ostrogoths, Visgoths, Vandals and even the Franks paid homage to the Emperor in Byzantium, pretending to be the local representatives of the Roman Empire, while in actuality they were 100% independent while maintaining elements of Roman civilization. Justinian kinda soured that when he invaded them all and the wars followed by a plague almost as bad as the black death crippled western Europe.

Ofaloaf
Feb 15, 2013

Would sub-Roman Britain continue on the same trajectory to Welshness without the Anglo-Saxon conquests?

I'm running a small LP right now, playing a game focusing on 5th century Europe, with the intent to convert the game over to Crusader Kings 2 once it's done. Right now in the game, Britain has emerged from the WRE and has successfully repulsed the Angles, Saxons and Jutes. There's been some talk already about what their fate might be, and I'm not sure if an organized sub-Roman Britain is likely to be more Celtic or Romantic by the Middle Ages.

Was Britain Romanized to a decent degree anywhere by the late 4th/early 5th century? Without the conquest, would the Britons still end up speaking Welsh or something very close to it, or would there have been a larger Romanizing influence and the emergence of Brithenig or some such sort of British Romance language with a strong Celtic influence, rather than straight-up Celtic?

Nintendo Kid
Aug 4, 2011

by Smythe
Without the Anglo-Saxons, the Vikings would probably have still attacked most of the same places they did in reality, up to and including their long term rule of parts of the islands. Also, it's likely that the Normans would also have invaded eventually, due to sheer proximity in both cases.

The results would probably be that modern English ends up having much more Norse influenced basic language with the addition of significantly more celtic influence, and we still get about the same French influence after the Normans invade. And depending on how the dice land, there might have been more mixing of Latin influence prior to the booster shot of Norman French.

Ofaloaf
Feb 15, 2013

CK2 starts in 769, before the Vikings' attack on Lindisfarne or the Normans or any of those later movements, and it's that time, pre-Viking, I'm most interested in making into a half-decent start for a scenario. I can try to anticipate further Germanic movements later on, but I still got to have something good for a mid-8th century Britain sans the Saxons.

sullat
Jan 9, 2012
Therein lies the rub. Absent a Saxon invasion, does the Romano-British elite hold together their little kingdom in the face of Celtic revival? Probably, although a lot of it depends on how they fare in their confrontation with the expansionist Goths in Gaul. A long draining war means their power relative to the Celtic remnants is weaker. Having a unified Britain prior to the Viking invasions makes the Viking's job a lot harder, that's for sure.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

Patter Song posted:

Money got Crassus pretty far (why he kept getting so many chances as he did), but Crassus had little personal charisma (as the world's biggest slumlord inevitably wouldn't) and less military experience (especially since Pompey "the Great" kill-thieved Spartacus).

Also, didn't Crassus save Sulla's rear end during the Battle of the Colline Gate but never really receive his due for it? He was pretty much responsible for ending the Civil War and assuring Sulla's victory, but I don't think he ever got that Triumph he spent the rest of his career pursuing (along with lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of money).

Hamlet442
Mar 2, 2008
Unfortunate news. ISIS has captured about 1/3rd of Palmyra.

BravestOfTheLamps
Oct 12, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Lipstick Apathy
Jokes on them, someday the whole Earth will be ruins, and they won't be around to smash them. :smug:

communism bitch
Apr 24, 2009
Palmyra just fell. They got the whole thing.

achillesforever6
Apr 23, 2012

psst you wanna do a communism?

Oberleutnant posted:

Palmyra just fell. They got the whole thing.
I know that ISIS has done worse with murdering countless people and other human rights violations too numerous to count, but it still hurts to see priceless and irreplaceable historical buildings and artwork destroyed by barbarians who want to erase the past.

BravestOfTheLamps
Oct 12, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Lipstick Apathy

achillesforever6 posted:

I know that ISIS has done worse with murdering countless people and other human rights violations too numerous to count, but it still hurts to see priceless and irreplaceable historical buildings and artwork destroyed by barbarians who want to erase the past.

Don't worry, I'm sure some of it will show up on the black market, then when things calm down we can buy it all and rebuild it.

Crab Dad
Dec 28, 2002

behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB


BravestOfTheLamps posted:

Don't worry, I'm sure some of it will show up on the black market, then when things calm down we can buy it all and rebuild it.

Carpet bomb it now so we can at least kill them for their near future crimes.

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?


Should've let the Syrians keep their chemical weapons. This would be a perfect use for them.

Teriyaki Hairpiece
Dec 29, 2006

I'm nae the voice o' the darkened thistle, but th' darkened thistle cannae bear the sight o' our Bonnie Prince Bernie nae mair.
Breaking News: all members of Daesh suddenly fall victim to fatal illness called "Zenobia's Curse". IS sympathizers appear paralyzed, unable to accomplish even the most basic tasks, in what seems to be a parallel ailment known only as "Gallienus Syndrome".

Kellsterik
Mar 30, 2012
ISIS: the Fourth Rome?

Canemacar
Mar 8, 2008

Kellsterik posted:

ISIS: the Fourth Rome?

Dibs on Fifth Rome!

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?


I just read Justinian's Flea, and near the end it talks about Totila's taking of Rome, and how he started destroying monuments. Belisarius sent him a letter asking him to stop, saying that they were of value to all mankind and to future generations, who would curse him for destroying their heritage. He listened and stopped it.

'"Did Totila," the letter asked, "wish to go down to posterity as the man who destroyed the most glorious city of the world?"'

Woolie Wool
Jun 2, 2006


Considering that ISIS are basically the Islamic equivalent of Rapture Ready, I doubt they believe in future generations of mankind.

Safety Biscuits
Oct 21, 2010

Grand Fromage posted:

I just read Justinian's Flea, and near the end it talks about Totila's taking of Rome, and how he started destroying monuments. Belisarius sent him a letter asking him to stop, saying that they were of value to all mankind and to future generations, who would curse him for destroying their heritage. He listened and stopped it.

'"Did Totila," the letter asked, "wish to go down to posterity as the man who destroyed the most glorious city of the world?"'

gently caress yeah I wanna go down to posterity as the man who destroyed the most glorious city of the world! :black101:

MrNemo
Aug 26, 2010

"I just love beeting off"

Grand Fromage posted:

'"Did Totila," the letter asked, "wish to go down to posterity as the man who destroyed the most glorious city of the world?"'

Yeah but then a few hundred years later the Romans were totally smashing all the statues they could get to try and win victory against Islam. That said they then got pretty well edited out of history so I guess we can see if destroying idols and icons works out better for daesh or not.

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?


Belisarius was way better than those Iconoclast dicks though.

Disinterested
Jun 29, 2011

You look like you're still raking it in. Still killing 'em?

Grand Fromage posted:

Belisarius was way better than those Iconoclast dicks though.

sbaldrick
Jul 19, 2006
Driven by Hate

Jack2142 posted:

Yeah, essentially Italy was the Byzantine version of Iraq, they went in hosed poo poo up and tore down the local power structure. After they pulled out alot of soldiers to deal with other poo poo the Ostrogoths rose back up, they surged in more troops and managed to defeat them after more fighting. Finally after they beat the Ostrogoth's down the Lombard's decided to come out of Italy and proceeded to conquer most of Italy besides a few places, and the Lombards were far less "romanized" than the previous goths. I was reading an interesting Byzantine history book which seemed to imply the Ostrogoths, Visgoths, Vandals and even the Franks paid homage to the Emperor in Byzantium, pretending to be the local representatives of the Roman Empire, while in actuality they were 100% independent while maintaining elements of Roman civilization. Justinian kinda soured that when he invaded them all and the wars followed by a plague almost as bad as the black death crippled western Europe.

Basically everyone paid homage to the Byzantium Emperor till Charlemagne and some places paid it even nominally till the Battle of Mazikert basically crushed Byzantium power (Veince, Hungary, Serbia, various other Italian city states, steepe tribes would all pay homage form time to time)

Disinterested
Jun 29, 2011

You look like you're still raking it in. Still killing 'em?
The crusaders on the first crusade paid homage to the Emperor only for them to flip out and accuse him of breach of contract when his army ran away upon hearing the false news that the crusader army had been defeated.

MrNemo
Aug 26, 2010

"I just love beeting off"

In fairness it was less 'false news the army had been defeated' as 'the Emperor's legate was informed the Crusaders were going to kill him and kind of skipped town on the seige of Antioch, then the guy that informed him managed to make himself king of Antioch as the Emperor didn't have representatives at the conclusion of the seige.'

Possibly, turns out history is still very messy when it's relatively close. Unless you were thinking of the second Crusade?

Disinterested
Jun 29, 2011

You look like you're still raking it in. Still killing 'em?

MrNemo posted:

In fairness it was less 'false news the army had been defeated' as 'the Emperor's legate was informed the Crusaders were going to kill him and kind of skipped town on the seige of Antioch, then the guy that informed him managed to make himself king of Antioch as the Emperor didn't have representatives at the conclusion of the seige.'

Possibly, turns out history is still very messy when it's relatively close. Unless you were thinking of the second Crusade?

Yeah my retelling is simplistic, I don't think anyone can be sure of exactly what happened there except that relations between Taticius and the princes were extraordinarily bad already and so it was easy for him to believe people were going to kill him, and they definitely propagandised his departure as a way of giving themselves an excuse not to give back the land.

I was more just trying to point out that homage to the emperor was something that lasted after the translatio imperii in 800 in certain odd historical scenarios by transcribing the wiki page on it without trying to remember it better.

MrNemo
Aug 26, 2010

"I just love beeting off"

I think there was definitely an understanding that the East was still really the province of the 'Greeks', at that stage the cities of the Levant had been controlled by the Empire until fairly recently and I think that, while they might reject his authority over themselves, there was still a recognition that he had a strong claim to the land and that the Emperor was an authority figure.

But then it's very much getting into medieval politics and that's in some ways more confusing than the Roman Republic, weirdly.

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?


I believe there were people in the west giving nominal homage to the emperor right up to 1453. Most western rulers were doing so up until Charlemagne at the very least, then many switched to the HRE.

You can roughly track how well the empire is doing by how many people are bothering to give homage to Constantinople. Back in 700 they're still the big kid on the block who can gently caress you up if they really want to. By 1300... eh.

Disinterested
Jun 29, 2011

You look like you're still raking it in. Still killing 'em?
ofc even in 1100 in a some places the homage people were giving to even a local ruler was laughably notional at best

hello france

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?


I think it's really hard to understand premodern politics for us westerners because it's just so alien to think of these governments with no authority. The government may not be a daily concern for most of us most of the time but the idea of it simply being irrelevant, and having no means to assert itself in any way, is so weird.

Obviously there are people still living in those types of places. I'm just assuming everyone here is from some sort of functional country since we're sitting around on the internet talking about poo poo from thousands of years ago.

Kemper Boyd
Aug 6, 2007

no kings, no gods, no masters but a comfy chair and no socks

Grand Fromage posted:

I think it's really hard to understand premodern politics for us westerners because it's just so alien to think of these governments with no authority.

The best drinking game for pre-modern history is that every time a book mentions that a law was passed to deal with something but it had no effect, take a shot.

sullat
Jan 9, 2012

Kemper Boyd posted:

The best drinking game for pre-modern history is that every time a book mentions that a law was passed to deal with something but it had no effect, take a shot.

You could play that with the modern era as well, as long as you don't mind a little alcohol poisoning.

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MrNemo
Aug 26, 2010

"I just love beeting off"

Grand Fromage posted:

I think it's really hard to understand premodern politics for us westerners because it's just so alien to think of these governments with no authority. The government may not be a daily concern for most of us most of the time but the idea of it simply being irrelevant, and having no means to assert itself in any way, is so weird.

Honestly I find it weirder once you realise how government authority worked in the purely personal feudal sense. Really came home to me listening to the History of the Crusades podcast when Richard I comes along and supports Guy for the throne of Jerusalem because, while he wasn't of particularly high ranking nobility, was an indecisive, untalented and uncharismatic miliary leader and had just managed to screw up badly enough that he had lost nearly every city in Jerusalem aside from the one controlled by someone who was opposed to his rule; he was from the same area of France as Richard and so nominally owed fealty to him (and thus Richard had responsibility to him) and both claimed descent from a water fairy in French mythstory establishing familial ties.

Like, Patron-client relationship I can pretty much grasp. It's a relatively straightforward money/support relationship with some more complex sociological baggage. But I cannot really grasp how 'You're family is from an area I control and we both claim descent from a water fairy so I guess I have to overlook your incompetence, flimsy claim to the throne and the utter disaster you've helped bring about' works.

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