Let's Play the Grailquest series! (If this kills you, go to 14.)

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Let's Play the Grailquest series! (If this kills you, go to 14.)

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Ratatozsk: Mar 6, 2007; Had we turned left instead, we may have encountered something like this...

inflatablefish posted:

Then we'll try the church, then the smithy, then the apothecary, and hope that one of them lets us in.

ONLY A FOOL WOULD VISIT THE CHURH FIRST, but I'm otherwise fine with this.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 00:26

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# ? Jun 1, 2024 15:53

Mikl: Nov 8, 2009; Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

Alright, grand tour of the village start! We'll visit the church last, so let's head to the smithy and see if we can maybe buy some torches (smithies have plenty of wood to spare, right?).

Section 17 posted:

'Here, young 'un,' calls the Smith as you approach the forge, 'I hopes you don't want no armour made nor 'orses shod for I be werry late already.' He is a big man, like most smiths, dressed in a heavy leather apron and engaged in trimming the toenails of a placid carthorse.

'Werry - I mean very late for what, sir?' you ask politely.

'Pogolfit, of course. It be my innings soon, once I be finished with Betsy here.' (The horse turns and nods at you briefly at the mention of its name.)

'No, sir,' you say, 'I don't want any armour and I haven't got a horse. But I would like some information, if you have it.'

'If I have it, you shall have it and right willingly, young adventurer. Just so long as it does not take too long in the asking or the telling for it be important to me to make my innings.'

'I was wondering, sir, if you might by any chance know the way to the Gateway of the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead?'

But no sooner have the words emerged politely from your lips than the carthorse Betsy rears up violently with a fearful neigh and falls over on her back in a dead faint with all four feet in the air while the smith turns pale, then green, then clutches his throat, spins round several times and collapses in a heap beside her, quite unconscious.

What a mess this is, Pip. And such a pleasant man, too. (Quite a pleasant carthorse, come to that.) They're both in a dead faint at the mere mention of the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead. You could try to revive them, I suppose. A score of 10, 11 or 12 on two dice should do the trick and take you to 29. If you fail, perhaps its best just to creep away quietly, in which case you can take the road west out of the village (10) or try the provisions store (12) or the church (22) or the apothecary (27) or make for the wood to the east (42) or even take the Smith's innings at pogolfit (58).

Hey, mister, you alright? (3 + 2 = 5) Nope, out cold. Shame. Let's hope the apothecary is more helpful.

Section 27 posted:

What a funny place. The shop entrance is down a flight of eight stone steps and there are six more steps (wooden, this time) into the dim, musty interior. Mind your head on that stuffed crocodile hanging from the ceiling.

You walk down the creaking steps. As your eyes become accustomed to the gloom (and your nose to an almost overpowering smell of dried herbs) you can see the apothecary himself, a little wizened man in a skullcap, scrunched up on a stool behind the counter, fiddling with a jar prominently labelled 'Mummy Dust'. He peers up at you shortsightedly over the top of steel-rimmed bifocals.

'Who are you? You must tell me your name, otherwise I won't know who you are,' he says testily, with just a hint of a Welsh accent.

'Pip, sir,' you say, a little taken aback both by his attitude and your surroundings. What's more, there is something vaguely familiar about him, although you're sure you've never met him before.

'Pip? Pip? An odd name. Yes. Yes, indeed. Now stand still. Don't fidget. And tell me what you want.'

Stand still? Don't fidget? Merlin used to say that all the time. Could this be Merlin, metamorphosed into an apothecary?

Merlin, what the hell are you doing here? Now stand still so I can punch you for being a horrible jerk.

Section 27 posted:

'Merlin? Is that you, sir, ?' you ask, frowning.

'Davydd!' snaps the apothecary. 'Davydd ap Gwilliam, look you and mind your manners. Do I look like Merlin?'

'No, but you certainly sound like him.'

'That's because the young rapscallion is my brother,' says Apothecary Davydd. 'Did he send you to see me?'

'No, not exactly,' you say. 'He sent me to this district, but he never mentioned he had a brother living here.'

'Not surprised. Always was a forgetful boy. Used to wander out without his trousers - did he ever tell you that? And get lost. Of course he doesn't wear trousers now since he took up this magic business instead of learning an honest trade. It's all robes now and pointy hats. Yes. Yes, indeed. I suppose you're one of his adventurers? One of the ones who do all the dirty work while he gets the credit, eh?'

'Well, yes....' you say uncertainly, although you hadn't really thought of it that way.

Davydd, my man, I think we'll get along very well, on account of our mutual disrespect for Merlin.

Section 27 posted:

'Where's he sent you off to, then? Somewhere nasty, I'll be bound. Some dark castle or some
dragon's den, eh?'

'Actually,' you say, 'he's sent me looking for the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead.'

But no sooner have the words emerged from your lips than Apothecary Davydd turns pale, then green and abruptly disappears from sight as he falls off the stool behind the counter in a dead faint.

Oh come on! :mad:

Section 27 posted:

What a mess this is. In a dead faint at the mere mention of the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead. You could try to revive him, of course. A score of 10, 11 or 12 on two dice should do the trick and take you to 18. If you fail, perhaps it best just to creep away quietly, in which case you can take the road west out of the village (10) or try the provisions store (11) or the church (11) or the smithy (17) or make for the wood to the east (41) or even try an innings at pogolfit (58).

Roll: 2 + 6 = 8, nope this guy's out cold too.

(Also, note the mistake in the section numbering here: neither the church nor the provisions store are at 11, they're at 12 and 22, respectively. 11 Is something else, which we'll reach later on. Maybe.)

On to the church!

Section 22 posted:

It's a nice church. Small, but nice, surrounded by a nice graveyard. (Some graveyards can be very nice if you don't have to live in them.) There is a narrow winding path up to the front door, which is open, as church doors have to be in the Age of Chivalry, since you never know when you'll need to seek sanctuary from some chivalrous Knight who's gone bananas and wants to hack you into stock cubes.

You walk up that narrow, winding path, sniffing the scent of honeysuckle and columbine and wondering why you're going into a nice place like this when Merlin explicitly told you to keep going in the grotty direction.

Feeling a little guilty for going in a nice direction, you hesitate right at the church door. But not long, since a huge hand emerges and drags you bodily inside.

You find yourself facing a massive individual wearing a broadsword, chain mail, helmet, metal gauntlets, metal leggings, spike-toed metal armour boots and a dog collar. In his left hand he holds a spiked mace. In his right, he holds you. It seems you have met the vicar. One suspects he may be a member of the Church Militant.

'Have you come for Service?' asks the Vicar in the sort of" voice that rolls up from his boots and reverberates across distant hills.

'No, not exactly-' you begin.

'To make an Offering, then?'

'Well, actually-'

'Bury your dead? Get married? Steal some lead off the roof? Visit the crypt?'

'Not-' But you stop, as a thought strikes you. The crypt sounds a pretty unpleasant place and since you were feeling a bit guilty, you may be able to start moving in an unpleasant direction. You clear your throat. 'The crypt,' you say. 'That's it, Reverend Sir: I have come to visit the crypt.'

'Why?' asks the Vicar.

'Because I have an abiding interest in ancient monuments and historical matters pertaining to our Realm as presently established and the Roman occupation preceeding it,' you lie glibly.

'Come,' says the Vicar, a man of few words, as he turns and clanks off down the aisle.

Toddle along after him. He's heading for the crypt at 6.

Are we sure this is a vicar? I mean, this dude could probably close the gate to the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead by himself.

Section 6 posted:

This is better - the place looks positively dreadful. You follow the Clanking Vicar down a flight of rickety wooden steps while dusty cobwebs brush against your face, wait briefly on an equally rickety wooden landing while the Clanking Vicar lights a wooden tar-torch which splutters and spits and gives off a thick pall of heavy smoke and noxious fumes, but little enough light. Then you descend some more wooden steps, walk across a dusty stone-flagged floor and descend yet more steps, worn stone this time, into a musty, Stygian complex of interlinking chambers rather carelessly stacked with coffins, sarcophagi, urns, caskets, broken tombstones and the occasional headless marble angel.

'I'll leave you to your studies, Young Scholar,' says the Clanking Vicar, having obviously taken what you said earlier very much to heart. And off he clanks, fortunately handing you the torch before he does so.

As his footsteps receed, the place is suddenly very quiet. (Which may be only what you would expect, since everybody in the crypt is dead except you, but it is a bit unnerving all the same.) You look around you.

Certainly a lot more promising. Exactly the sort of place you're looking for if you're to find your way to the Gateway of the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead. But where do you go from here? That's the question. Ahead of you, a gloomy corridor leads to 28. To your right, an archway opens into 13. To your left is a large oak doorway, half hidden by a pile of coffins, on which (the doorway, not the coffins) is the tattered remnants of a notice scroll; all of which may be reached by way of 46.

All three paths look like they could kill us easily. Where do we go?

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 44/44
SPEED: 9/18
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 0
INVENTORY:
E.J. (hits on a 4 or higher, +5 damage, +10 damage against dragons), dragonskin jacket (-4 damage), Healing Potion x18 (heals two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), Healing Salve x5 (heals 3 LIFE POINTS), xylophone x1, Artifical Aardvark x1, bookworm x1, blue powder x1, clickstick x1, hammer x1, joke book x1, container of oil x1, gold braid x1, torch x1
MAGIC:
Pip's First Spellbook and Pip's Second Spellbook (costs 3 LIFE POINTS per spell, maximum 3 uses per spell, need roll 7 or higher on two dice or spell doesn't work), Lightning Bolt x10 (10 damage, automatic hit), Fireball x2 (75 damage, hits on a 6 or higher)
MONEY AND VALUABLES:
50 Gold Pieces
STATUS EFFECTS:
None

Mikl fucked around with this message at 20:11 on Jun 18, 2015

# ? Jun 18, 2015 18:01

FredMSloniker: Jan 2, 2008; Why, yes, I do like Kirby games.

Interesting! By diverging from Merlin's instructions somewhat, we've acquired a light source, which will be useful once we find the Kingdom of the Dead again. Page 46 looks the most interesting, and you can't go too wrong with coffins, so let's go that way.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 19:07

Explosions: Apr 20, 2015

The reference # for the Church jumped from 22 to 21 after we checked the provisions store and back to 22. Typo? Or church secrets?

46 has Fiend Crypt written all over it. Let's go see our buddy.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 20:07

Mikl: Nov 8, 2009; Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

Section 46 posted:

You clamber over the coffins then pause at the door to read the tattered notice scroll. It says:

CRYPT OF THE FIEND (Please Knock)

Do you really want to go in here? If so, knock politely, then turn to 37. If not, you can always change your mind and go through the archway (13) or take the gloomy corridor (28).

I'm not even going to bother asking what you guys want to do :allears:

Section 37 posted:

There is something decidedly familiar with this set-up. A touch of the old d�j� vu as Monsieur Sir Lancelot du Lac was wont to say in his native France. The Crypt of the Fiend, eh? Surely this can only be the ubiquitous Poetic Fiend, famed throughout the length and breadth of Avalon as the author of the worst verse that ever fell like a pound of suet on a human ear!

If it is, he's a dangerous character unless you're careful to praise his poetry. As against that, he can be very generous at times if you lie a little .

The Crypt itself is rather tastefully done in pink-veined marble with the odd purple velvet drape to break the monotony. The casket, set on a dais in the centre of the chamber, is a curious mixture of oak, ebony and walnut, with highly polished brass handles and a bronze plaque set into the lid.

You step inside, cautiously; and as you do so, the door swings closed behind you. You turn instinctively at the sound and find yourself reading a poetic poster pinned to the door by a dagger plunged into the wood. (Thrilling!) The poster reads:

Friend, or enemy
Well anyway,
You, who now read this script
Have entered in the marble crypt
Of Avalon's Poetic Fiend
Although it seemed
To him you cannot leave, go home or rest
Until you yourself have passed a test.

Quite a decent offering for the Fiend, really, which gives you some indication of the rubbish he usually writes. You try the door and sure enough, it is locked. So as the poem promises, you're in for some sort of test before you can get out again. (Hope you can pass it. The Fiend has a nasty habit of fanging adventurers who fail.)

You move forward cautiously to the casket, from which emerges just the lightest hint of snoring, and bend forward to read the inlaid brass plaque.

The wording, in ornate copperplate engraving, reads:

It isn't the cough
That carries you off
It's the coffin
They carries you off in

Which may be vaguely amusing, but it certainly doesn't get you anywhere. Fortunately, there is more to the engraving. Unfortunately, it seems to be some sort of mathematical formula:

(15+16+5+14+9+14+7) + (3+15+6+6+9+14)
= (19+5+3+20+9+15+14) + (6+15+18+20+25)
+ (6+15+21+18)

Now that's a sticky one. If you can solve the puzzle, you may be able to go on somewhere. If not you're stuck here until you die of starvation, in which case the only way out is the dreaded 14.

This dude, seriously :allears:

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 44/44
SPEED: 9/18
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 0
INVENTORY:
E.J. (hits on a 4 or higher, +5 damage, +10 damage against dragons), dragonskin jacket (-4 damage), Healing Potion x18 (heals two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), Healing Salve x5 (heals 3 LIFE POINTS), xylophone x1, Artifical Aardvark x1, bookworm x1, blue powder x1, clickstick x1, hammer x1, joke book x1, container of oil x1, gold braid x1, torch x1
MAGIC:
Pip's First Spellbook and Pip's Second Spellbook (costs 3 LIFE POINTS per spell, maximum 3 uses per spell, need roll 7 or higher on two dice or spell doesn't work), Lightning Bolt x10 (10 damage, automatic hit), Fireball x2 (75 damage, hits on a 6 or higher)
MONEY AND VALUABLES:
50 Gold Pieces
STATUS EFFECTS:
None

Roll of the dead posted:

Death the first: (poisonous) smoke inhalation

_{I realized I forgot to add the Roll of the dead at the bottom of the stat roll. Fixed.}

# ? Jun 18, 2015 20:22

FredMSloniker: Jan 2, 2008; Why, yes, I do like Kirby games.

Well, by my math, OPENING COFFIN = SECTION FORTY FOUR.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 20:32

Mikl: Nov 8, 2009; Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

FredMSloniker posted:

Well, by my math, OPENING COFFIN = SECTION FORTY FOUR.

Ding! Give this man a cigar.

Section 44 posted:

Something funny is happening. Well, perhaps funny isn't exactly the right word, since the lid of the casket is slowly opening and out of it is rising a slim, deathly pale figure in white gloves, evening suit and an opera cloak, staring at you with deep-set red eyes and smiling at you with top teeth so long they actually come down over his lower lip.

'Hail, Adventurer Bold,
Come in out of the cold
Having solved the formula
As swiftly as a primula,' he says.

Swiftly as a primula? You curb your natural revulsion at such bad verse and bow, for this is surely the Poetic Fiend.

'Well spoken!' you exclaim. Then, since you know which side your bread is buttered on, you add, 'And may I express my profound respect for the lyrical quality, scansion, style and meter of your words? Exquisitely poetic, I found them.'

'Why thank you,' says the Fiend, obviously well pleased by all this rubbish. 'I have been looking for an adventurer of your taste and discernment for a long time. I wonder if I might beg a simple favour from you?'

'Anything!' you cry, getting quite carried away.

'The fact is,' says the Fiend, 'that I am in quite urgent need of a poster to advertise my next Poetry Reading. Something simple, yet elegant, you appreciate, with perhaps some decorative drawing and wording stating that the Reading shall be in the Crypt on Thursday evening, Dress Optional. Do you think you could draw up such a poster for me?'

'Well, yes...' you say uncertainly.

'Good!' says the Fiend. And since advertising work is extremely well paid these days, you may take it that I will reward you handsomely for your endeavours.'

What an interesting development. Who would have thought an Arthurian adventurer would have ended up in the advertising business. Use the blank page opposite to design your poster for the Fiend's Poetry Reading, then, when you have finished, turn to 53.

Audience partecipation! :siren:

Time to let your artistic talents shine: draw the Poster for the Fiend!

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 44/44
SPEED: 9/18
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 0
INVENTORY:
E.J. (hits on a 4 or higher, +5 damage, +10 damage against dragons), dragonskin jacket (-4 damage), Healing Potion x18 (heals two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), Healing Salve x5 (heals 3 LIFE POINTS), xylophone x1, Artifical Aardvark x1, bookworm x1, blue powder x1, clickstick x1, hammer x1, joke book x1, container of oil x1, gold braid x1, torch x1
MAGIC:
Pip's First Spellbook and Pip's Second Spellbook (costs 3 LIFE POINTS per spell, maximum 3 uses per spell, need roll 7 or higher on two dice or spell doesn't work), Lightning Bolt x10 (10 damage, automatic hit), Fireball x2 (75 damage, hits on a 6 or higher)
MONEY AND VALUABLES:
50 Gold Pieces
STATUS EFFECTS:
None

Roll of the dead posted:

Death the first: (poisonous) smoke inhalation

# ? Jun 18, 2015 20:46

Mikl: Nov 8, 2009; Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

No takers for the poster? A shame, but let's move on. Let's pretend we did draw it and see what our reward is.

Section 53 posted:

The Fiend strikes his forehead violently with the back of his hand, gasps, reels and pales - all, apparently, because you have just shown him the advertising poster you drew up.

'Magnificent!' he exclaims. 'Superb! Or, in the idiom of the artwork, new and improved! What appeal! What enticement! What inducement to attend my reading. Dear friend, I am so excited, I can feel the Muse arising in me.'

Which is bad news since it usually means he is going to spout poetry; but there's no way of stopping him, so you stand quiet and smile grassily as he strikes a pose and declaims:

'Young Pip, an adventurer hearty,
Drew crowds to a Poetry Party
The Fiend was the host there
But it was Pip 's poster
That got them all coming so smartly!'

Not a bad little Limerick at all, especially when you remember the monstrosities the Fiend usually composes. You applaud enthusiastically and the Fiend makes a smiling, sweeping bow.

'Well now,' he says, 'this is all extremely jolly, but it won't get the bills paid. Starting with yours.' At which he produces from the folds of his opera cloak a small leather drawstring purse which clinks and chinks delightfully, strongly suggesting there is gold inside; and quite possibly a good deal of it. The Fiend drops the purse into your greedily outstretched hand. 'Here are one hundred golden pieces,' he tells you, confirming your suspicion that this is a fat-cat reward. 'Ninety-nine of them are perfectly ordinary spendable golden pieces which you may use for bribery or anything else you wish. But one is a magical gold piece. If you are lucky enough to find it, it could do you a lot of good in the trials and tribulations which undoubtedly await you.'

Sounds fascinating. Wonder what the magic coin does? But best find out if you can find it among all the others, Pip. Now pay attention, because this is a bit tricky. First, you must calculate your chances of finding the coin. You do this by using Professor Einstein's famous formula C = (P x D2)/(GQ x PA) where PA cannot be > 3. (Don't panic.) This formula, which very nearly led to the invention of an atomic pudding, means that the Chances of Pip finding the coin are equal to two dice rolls divided by the total number of Pip 's GrailQuest adventures. If this is your first adventure, go to 48. If it is your second, go to 49. If it is your third, go to 61.

The more mathematically-inclined of you might note that the more Grailquest books we played, the more chances we have to find the coin. Fortunately we don't have to do the math, the sections we're referred to do it for us.

Section 61 posted:

Third adventure, eh? You're getting very experienced in this sort of thing now. According to the atomic pudding formula, you should roll two dice. Score 7, 8, 9, 10,11 or 12 and go to 54. Score 2 to 6 and go to 62.

Roll: 2 + 5 = 7, let's go to 54.

Section 54 posted:

Frantically, you search through the coins, weighing them in your hands to find subtle differences in weight, biting them to see if one might be softer (or harder) than the rest, polishing them to find out if any one shines more than the others, testing their temperature to discover if one might be colder or hotter and generally making a completely logical approach to the problem before you luck out and find the magic coin!!!

And what an incredible little coin it is. It's actually alive (you feed it on cheese and breadcrumbs.) If you throw it at a monster during combat, it will add 5 whole points of damage to your score every time you have a successful hit with sword or spell. The coin cannot be destroyed and it comes back to you automatically after each fight. Put it away carefully and don't forget to use it when you 're in trouble. Now, since your business with the Fiend is finished, better toddle back to 6 and pick a different direction.

Status effect! And this one is actually the opposite of that one cursed emerald, we get +5 damage in combat. In theory you'd have to remember to use it, but I'll do it for every fight since it's not a consumable.

Now from section 6 we have two possible ways to go: down a gloomy corridor to 28 or through an archway to 13. Which way?

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 44/44
SPEED: 9/18
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 1
INVENTORY:
E.J. (hits on a 4 or higher, +5 damage, +10 damage against dragons), dragonskin jacket (-4 damage), Healing Potion x18 (heals two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), Healing Salve x5 (heals 3 LIFE POINTS), xylophone x1, Artifical Aardvark x1, bookworm x1, blue powder x1, clickstick x1, hammer x1, joke book x1, container of oil x1, gold braid x1, torch x1
MAGIC:
Pip's First Spellbook and Pip's Second Spellbook (costs 3 LIFE POINTS per spell, maximum 3 uses per spell, need roll 7 or higher on two dice or spell doesn't work), Lightning Bolt x10 (10 damage, automatic hit), Fireball x2 (75 damage, hits on a 6 or higher)
MONEY AND VALUABLES:
149 Gold Pieces
STATUS EFFECTS:
Magic coin: +5 damage in battle

Roll of the dead posted:

Death the first: (poisonous) smoke inhalation

# ? Jun 20, 2015 11:45

Junpei Hyde: Mar 15, 2013

Gloomy sounds good. 28

# ? Jun 20, 2015 13:45

Mikl: Nov 8, 2009; Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

Section 28 posted:

This corridor goes on forever! Gloomy, dank, smelly and dead straight. (Well, perhaps not dead straight: that was an unfortunate turn of phrase.)

You follow it with an increasing feeling of dread, noting that the floor seems to be climbing upwards gently as you continue on. Eventually you reach a heavily barred door. For a moment you hesitate, for the door is massive, bound in iron bands and obviously built to withstand the onslaught of a dinosaur, let alone the efforts of a single adventurer. But then it occurs to you that it has been barred on the inside, so all you have to do is slide back the bolts.

Which is what you do, of course, since you've never been one to make a sensible decision like going home to bed.

The great heavy door swings slowly open. . . .

Go to 24.

Section 24, you may recall, is the entrance to the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead, a.k.a. where we emerged after we were drilled into the ground while playing Pogolfit. There are three choices from here, casually sauntering up to the gate (which results in the guardian Thing pulling us in), attacking the Thing (which results in it running into the gate and Pip giving chase ending up in the Kingdom of the Dead), and asking EJ what he thinks (he thinks we should go home).

Therefore, we find ourselves back at Section 65!

As a reminder: every six squares walked in a corridor we must roll dice to see if we encounter a roaming monster; last time we visited sections 125 (10 Gold Pieces loot, now empty because it's our second way through), 70 (cursed emerald), and 75 (death by smoke inhalation).

Where should we go now?

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 44/44
SPEED: 9/18
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 1
INVENTORY:
E.J. (hits on a 4 or higher, +5 damage, +10 damage against dragons), dragonskin jacket (-4 damage), Healing Potion x18 (heals two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), Healing Salve x5 (heals 3 LIFE POINTS), xylophone x1, Artifical Aardvark x1, bookworm x1, blue powder x1, clickstick x1, hammer x1, joke book x1, container of oil x1, gold braid x1, torch x1
MAGIC:
Pip's First Spellbook and Pip's Second Spellbook (costs 3 LIFE POINTS per spell, maximum 3 uses per spell, need roll 7 or higher on two dice or spell doesn't work), Lightning Bolt x10 (10 damage, automatic hit), Fireball x2 (75 damage, hits on a 6 or higher)
MONEY AND VALUABLES:
149 Gold Pieces
STATUS EFFECTS:
Magic coin: +5 damage in battle

Roll of the dead posted:

Death the first: (poisonous) smoke inhalation

# ? Jun 20, 2015 15:17

Junpei Hyde: Mar 15, 2013

My gut tells me that 85 has something good.

# ? Jun 20, 2015 15:47

FredMSloniker: Jan 2, 2008; Why, yes, I do like Kirby games.

I also vote Section 85. We've already cleared the northwest and northeast doors, and this will clear the southeast.

# ? Jun 20, 2015 21:17

idonotlikepeas: May 29, 2010; This reasoning is possible for forums user idonotlikepeas!

85 is right there, so why the heck not.

# ? Jun 20, 2015 21:26

Mikl: Nov 8, 2009; Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

Section 85 posted:

You have entered a 30' x 40' chamber, not so big as the one you just left, but big enough and with a higher ceiling.

You have also walked into a web, the strands of which are thick as cables and very sticky. Spinning a new strand down from that high ceiling is a spider the size of a Great Dane.

Hey, EJ, it's your favorite, spiders!

Section 85 posted:

That's the bad news. The good news is that the Great Danish Spider hasn't reached you yet, so you have time to make a dice roll to find out if you're stuck fast in the web.

Score 1 to 4 and you're not stuck. Score 5 or 6 and you may as well go direct to 14.

Roll: 3, we're free.

Section 85 posted:

Even if you're not stuck, there's still that Spider, which is a lot nearer now. It has 15 LIFE POINTS, strikes on 5 or better and does +2 damage. Because of the situation, no Surprise is involved here on either side. EJ, who is afraid of Spiders, will score one less than his normal damage on account of shivering.

Go to 14 if the Spider kills you.

If you win, go back to 65. (There may be a lot of gold in this chamber, but you cannot search safely on account of the webs.)

Man up, EJ :colbert:

Pip's initiative roll: 4 + 6 = 10
Great Danish Spider initiative roll: 6 + 3 = 9

Pip attacks! 4 + 3 = 7, Great Danish Spider is hit for 3 + 5 + 5 - 1 = 12 LIFE POINTS and is knocked out.

That was easy.

Now we're at 65 again:

The remaining parts of this level are mostly linear, there are only four sections where we'll need to backtrack once we've reached it, so choose the order in which to visit them: 105, 95, 115 and 80. I'll take care of getting us there. (Of course, I'll stop and ask you if anything plot-relevant happens, like a decision point.)

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 44/44
SPEED: 9/18
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 2
INVENTORY:
E.J. (hits on a 4 or higher, +5 damage, +10 damage against dragons), dragonskin jacket (-4 damage), Healing Potion x18 (heals two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), Healing Salve x5 (heals 3 LIFE POINTS), xylophone x1, Artifical Aardvark x1, bookworm x1, blue powder x1, clickstick x1, hammer x1, joke book x1, container of oil x1, gold braid x1, torch x1
MAGIC:
Pip's First Spellbook and Pip's Second Spellbook (costs 3 LIFE POINTS per spell, maximum 3 uses per spell, need roll 7 or higher on two dice or spell doesn't work), Lightning Bolt x10 (10 damage, automatic hit), Fireball x2 (75 damage, hits on a 6 or higher)
MONEY AND VALUABLES:
149 Gold Pieces
STATUS EFFECTS:
Magic coin: +5 damage in battle

Roll of the dead posted:

Death the first: (poisonous) smoke inhalation

# ? Jun 20, 2015 22:12

Ghostwoods: May 9, 2013; Say "Cheese!"

Left to right: 95, 105, 115 and 80

# ? Jun 20, 2015 22:21

Glazius: Jul 22, 2007; Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.; Clapping Larry

Ghostwoods posted:

Left to right: 95, 105, 115 and 80

Sounds as deadly as any other way to me!

Good, I mean. I mean good.

# ? Jun 20, 2015 22:25

Mikl: Nov 8, 2009; Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

Alright then! From 65's southwest door to 90 there are exactly six squares' worth of corridor, so we have to roll once to see if we encounter anything.

Roll: 4 + 5 = 9, we meet two Nerds. (No, seriously, that's what the book calls them.) They each have 11 LIFE POINTS, hit on a 7 or better for +2 damage, and drop 10 Gold Pieces when defeated. Let's get to it.

Pip's initiative roll: 3 + 4 = 7
Nerds' initiative roll: 5 + 6 = 11
(We have to roll initiative for the whole group of enemies, not for each one.)

Lewis Skolnick attacks! 1 + 6 = 7, Pip is hit for 0 + 2 - 4 = NO LIFE POINTS.
Gilbert Lowe attacks! 2 + 3 = 5, miss.
Pip attacks! 4 + 3 = 7, Lewis Skolnick is hit for 3 + 5 + 5 = 13 LIFE POINTS and is killed.
Gilbert Lowe attacks! 6 + 6 = 12, Pip is hit for 5 + 2 - 4 = 3 LIFE POINTS and is down to 41.
Pip attacks! 2 + 2 = 4, Gilbert Lowe is hit for 0 + 5 + 5 = 10 LIFE POINTS, is down to 1 and is knocked unconcious.

Pip gains 1 EXPERIENCE POINT and finds 20 Gold Pieces.

Now let's open the door to 90 and see what we must face.

Section 90 posted:

Well, at least there's an exit door in this 50' x 20' chamber. There's also a funny-looking sort of mound in the middle of the floor. Curious, you move forward to inspect it, giving it a little poke with EJ.

Now there's trouble. You've disturbed a colony of ants!

Roll two dice and multiply the answer by 10 to find out how many are attacking you. Each has only one LIFE POINT, but is very hard to hit so you will need to score 8 or better to squash it. The ants, in their turn, score on a 6 and do 1 damage each successful strike, irrespective of what damage the dice show.

If you want to try for a Friendly Reaction, you must roll for each ant separately, so it hardly seems worth the trouble. Of course, if you happen to be carrying an Artificial Aardvark in your backpack, it will eat 20 ants every time you wind it up, which you can do by rolling a 6 or better.

If the ants kill you, go to 14.

If you survive, you may leave by either door.

Well isn't it fortunate we happen to have an Artificial Aardvark with us? Especially since we have to face 2 + 5 = 7 * 10 = 70 ants :stare:

But we're not out of the woods yet, we have to hope we don't mess winding up the Aardvark too many times (though this is very unlikely).

Pip's initiative roll: 4 + 4 = 8
Ants' initiative roll: 4 + 5 = 9

Ants attack! 6 + 1 = 7, Pip is bitten for 1 LIFE POINT and is down to 40.
Pip winds up the Artificial Aardvark! 2 + 6 = 8, success, 50 ants remaining.
Ants attack! 5 + 6 = 11, Pip is pricked for 1 LIFE POINT and is down to 39.
Pip winds up the Artificial Aardvark! 4 + 3 = 7, success, 30 ants remaining.
Ants attack! 4 + 4 = 8, Pip is munched for 1 LIFE POINT and is down to 38.
Pip winds up the Artificial Aardvark! 5 + 4 = 9, success, 10 ants remaining.
Ants attack! 5 + 5 = 10, Pip is snacked on for 1 LIFE POINT and is down to 37.
Pip winds up the Artificial Aardvark! 3 + 6 = 9, no ants remaining.

Now let's leave through the south door, which leads to 110.

Section 110 posted:

Make one Wandering Monster roll in this 10' x 10' chamber. If the dice show no monsters present or you win through the encounter, you may leave by any of the three doors shown.

Roll: 2 + 3 = 5, nobody's here. Let's go south to 95.

Section 95 posted:

There is only one door to this 30' x 30' chamber (the one you came in) and it swings tight shut behind you. Not that this should bother you greatly since your attention is taken up by the fact that the floor has just opened up beneath you, dropping you into a 20' deep pit. Deduct a double dice roll of damage from your LIFE POINTS (and go to 14 if this kills you) then sit down on the floor of the pit, which is littered with the dried bones of previous adventurers, and try to figure your best way out.

Roll: 5 + 3 = 8, we're down to 31.

Section 95 posted:

Try climbing out without ropes. To do this you roll two dice. Score 11 or 12 and you will succeed in getting safely to the top. Anything else and you fall, with a double dice roll of damage.

Use a rope if you've brought one. To do this, roll two dice. Score 2 to 10 and you make it out of the pit; 11 or 12 and you fall with a double dice roll of damage.

If you climb out safely, you may leave through the door.

If you kill yourself go to 14.

Nope, haven't got a rope.

There is another way of getting out that isn't mentioned in this section: a PIL spell, but that would mean the loss of half our life points even if successful. Since that's 15 (rounded down), and is more than the maximum damage we can get from failing to climb out, let's first try not to use magic.

Climb roll: 6 + 2 = 8, nope. We're hurt for 3 + 5 = 8 LIFE POINTS and down to 23.

Still, it's unlikely we're going to roll 12 on our next damage roll, so let's try to climb back out again.

Climb roll: 5 + 6 = 11, we made it.

Now we're back at 110, and we must make one more Wandering Monster roll.

Roll: 5 + 3 = 8, there's an Animated Skeleton here. This dude has 20 LIFE POINTS, hits on a 6 for +1 damage, and drops 10 Gold Pieces when defeated.

Pip's initiative roll: 3 + 6 = 9
Animated Skeleton's initiative roll: 3 + 3 = 6

Pip attacks! 3 + 6 = 9, Animated Skeleton is hit for 5 + 5 + 5 = 15 LIFE POINTS, is down to 15 and is knocked out (how does that even work? It's clearly undead, but the book treats it as a normal enemy :iiam:

)

Now, before we head down the corridor to 105, there are two things to note:

1. We have to heal, of course. How do we do this: by chugging down a potion, or by Sleeping?
2. By virtue of reading ahead, taking a closer look at the map's scan, and comparing it with my paper copy of the book, I realized I had made a mistake when I cleaned up the map (FredMSloniker is right, the scan is TERRIBLY hard to read), which I corrected in this one:

Note the difference with the previous one in room 105 and the corridor north of it. This is actually good for us, because it means that from 105 we don't have to backtrack to proceed forwards, but it's still a mistake which I freely admit, and I hope it didn't cause too much confusion.

This, in fact, turns the rest of the level into a straight run for section 80, with some side rooms to explore here and there, so that's what we'll do once we've healed.

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 23/44
SPEED: 9/18
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 5
INVENTORY:
E.J. (hits on a 4 or higher, +5 damage, +10 damage against dragons), dragonskin jacket (-4 damage), Healing Potion x18 (heals two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), Healing Salve x5 (heals 3 LIFE POINTS), xylophone x1, Artifical Aardvark x1, bookworm x1, blue powder x1, clickstick x1, hammer x1, joke book x1, container of oil x1, gold braid x1, torch x1
MAGIC:
Pip's First Spellbook and Pip's Second Spellbook (costs 3 LIFE POINTS per spell, maximum 3 uses per spell, need roll 7 or higher on two dice or spell doesn't work), Lightning Bolt x10 (10 damage, automatic hit), Fireball x2 (75 damage, hits on a 6 or higher)
MONEY AND VALUABLES:
179 Gold Pieces
STATUS EFFECTS:
Magic coin: +5 damage in battle

Roll of the dead posted:

Death the first: (poisonous) smoke inhalation

Mikl fucked around with this message at 17:38 on Jun 22, 2015

# ? Jun 21, 2015 14:17

Junpei Hyde: Mar 15, 2013

Chug a potion, I doubt we'll run out anyway.

# ? Jun 21, 2015 14:32

inflatablefish: Oct 24, 2010

Sleep! We need to see just how deadly this book's dreams are!

# ? Jun 21, 2015 15:25

Ratatozsk: Mar 6, 2007; Had we turned left instead, we may have encountered something like this...

Chug a potion then sleep. The best of both worlds (and then sleeping is less likely to kill us outright.)

# ? Jun 21, 2015 15:44

idonotlikepeas: May 29, 2010; This reasoning is possible for forums user idonotlikepeas!

Ratatozsk posted:

Chug a potion then sleep. The best of both worlds (and then sleeping is less likely to kill us outright.)

Sure, best of both worlds.

# ? Jun 21, 2015 16:54

Ghostwoods: May 9, 2013; Say "Cheese!"

Ratatozsk posted:

Chug a potion then sleep. The best of both worlds (and then sleeping is less likely to kill us outright.)

Sounds lethal. Bring it on.

# ? Jun 22, 2015 11:55

Mikl: Nov 8, 2009; Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

Let's chug a potion:

5 + 3 = 8, we're up to 31 LIFE POINTS.

And now, let's Sleep.

Roll: 1, looks like we're headed for the Dreamtime, more specifically for Dreamtime Section 6 + 5 = 11.

Dreamtime Section 11 posted:

You have been knocked unconscious during combat, but Merlin, who is a bit short-sighted, decides you are dead and arranges a decent burial. You come to in an extremely comfortable coffin as it is being lowered into the grave. You have only a very short time to attract everybody's attention before our air runs out. You can attract their attention by throwing a 6 on a single die. But unless you manage to throw that six in five or fewer attempts, you're dead from suffocation. Take up your die ...

Merlin

Roll 1: 1
Roll 2: 5
Roll 3: 6!

We wake up drenched in sweat, but at least we're still alive. We're still at 31 LIFE POINTS, but I think they're enough for now. (Let me know if you want to try sleeping again.)

We're currently at Section 110, to reach 105 we have to cross eight corridor squares, which means one random encounter roll.

Roll: 6 + 6 = 12, we're facing a ~~Gelatinous Cube~~ Creeping Jello: 30 LIFE POINTS and hits on a 5 for +4 damage. On the plus side, it drops 30 Gold Pieces when it dies.

Pip's initiative roll: 4 + 3 = 7
Creeping Jello's initiative roll: 2 + 4 = 6

Pip attacks! 5 + 3 = 8, Creeping Jello is hit for 4 + 5 + 5 = 14 LIFE POINTS and is down to 16.
Creeping Jello attacks! 1 + 3 = 4, a miss.
Pip attacks! 3 + 5 = 8, Creeping Jello is hit again for 14 LIFE POINTS, is down to 2 and is knocked out.

Now let's walk two more squares to 105:

Section 105 posted:

There are two archways in this 20' x 30' chamber, neither of which is closed off by a door. The room is empty, but you must make one Wandering Monster roll to cross it.

Roll: 2 + 5 = 7, nobody's in this room.

Now it's four more squares to Section 82, which when added to the two we had left from the previous corridor, total six squares, and another Wandering Monster roll.

Roll: 4 + 5 = 9, revenge of the Nerds (two of them, 11 LIFE POINTS each, hit on a 7 for +2 damage and each drops 10 Gold Pieces).

Pip's initiative roll: 6 + 1 = 7
Nerds' initiative roll: 5 + 6 = 11

Nerd 1 attacks! 1 + 1 = 2 :laugh:

Nerd 2 attacks! 5 + 4 = 9, Pip is hit for 2 + 2 - 4 = 0 LIFE POINTS.
Pip attacks! 6 + 5 = 11, Nerd 1 is hit for 7 + 5 + 5 = 17 LIFE POINTS and killed.
Nerd 2 attacks! 4 + 6 = 10, Pip is hit for 3 + 2 - 4 = 1 LIFE POINT and is down to 30.
Pip attacks! 2 + 3 = 5, Nerd 2 is hit for 1 + 5 + 5 = 11 LIFE POINTS and also killed.

Now let's pick up the 20 gp and go through the door to 82.

Section 82 posted:

An empty 10' x 10' room with two doors. Nice surprise: you don't even risk a Wandering Monster.

How nice

Let's go south to 97.

Section 97 posted:

There is a door in each wall of this 10' x 10' room. There is also a funny smell, similar in many respects to fish and chips.

Although the room seems quite empty, you search diligently and eventually discover in a crack in the floor, a cricket engaged in the unusual occupation of frying up a fish supper. (A very small fish supper - plankton mainly - since crickets have small appetites.)

If you happen to have a clickstick with you, go to 68.

Otherwise you may use any of the four doors since the cricket will certainly not launch a vicious attack on anything your size.

Good thing we took a clickstick with us I guess!

Section 68 posted:

Chirp! says the cricket. Chirp. Chirp-chirp. Chirp.

'The creature suggests yob might like to make your way to 80,' translates the clickstick in a rather academic Oxford accent. 'There you may find something of benefit to your current endeavours.'

Chirp! Chirp-chirp-chirp. Chirp-chirp.

'The creature appears to have formed some affection for you and has consequently suggested it should formulate a medicinal libation to aid you in this adventure,' translates the clickstick.

'Pardon?' you say.

'A healing potion,' sighs the clickstick. 'Do you want the little beast to make you a healing potion?'

'Yes please,' you say, healing potions being most useful things, not to say expensive and certainly safer than the Dreamtime.

In a moment the cricket hands you up a six-dose healing potion compounded from plankton, peanut butter and tomato ketchup. It tastes better than it sounds and will heal a double dice roll of LIFE POINTS each time you use it.

Return to 97 and use any door.

What a nice cricket. Much nicer than the other cricket we had to deal with in the village.

Let's try the door to 115 first.

Section 115 posted:

There's a chest in here, oak by the look of it, with brass banding. Want to open it? If so, roll two dice. Score 2 to 6 and go to 73. Score 7 to 12 and go to 134. If you decide not to open the chest, you can leave through the door by which you entered.

This update is already quite long, so let's stop here at this decision point. Do we open the chest or not?

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 30/44
SPEED: 9/18
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 7
INVENTORY:
E.J. (hits on a 4 or higher, +5 damage, +10 damage against dragons), dragonskin jacket (-4 damage), Healing Potion x23 (heals two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), Healing Salve x5 (heals 3 LIFE POINTS), xylophone x1, Artifical Aardvark x1, bookworm x1, blue powder x1, clickstick x1, hammer x1, joke book x1, container of oil x1, gold braid x1, torch x1
MAGIC:
Pip's First Spellbook and Pip's Second Spellbook (costs 3 LIFE POINTS per spell, maximum 3 uses per spell, need roll 7 or higher on two dice or spell doesn't work), Lightning Bolt x10 (10 damage, automatic hit), Fireball x2 (75 damage, hits on a 6 or higher)
MONEY AND VALUABLES:
229 Gold Pieces
STATUS EFFECTS:
Magic coin: +5 damage in battle

Roll of the dead posted:

Death the first: (poisonous) smoke inhalation

# ? Jun 22, 2015 17:58

Ghostwoods: May 9, 2013; Say "Cheese!"

What kind of question is that? Of course we open the chest. Cast PIP first though, in case of poison traps.

# ? Jun 22, 2015 18:49

Junpei Hyde: Mar 15, 2013

Ghostwoods posted:

What kind of question is that? Of course we open the chest. Cast PIP first though, in case of poison traps.

Yep.

# ? Jun 22, 2015 19:31

Ratatozsk: Mar 6, 2007; Had we turned left instead, we may have encountered something like this...

Ghostwoods posted:

What kind of question is that? Of course we open the chest. Cast PIP first though, in case of poison traps.

And then sleep some more. 'Twould be a shame to left anything left undreamt at the end of things.

# ? Jun 22, 2015 20:41

Mikl: Nov 8, 2009; Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

Pip casts PIP! Down to 27 LIFE POINTS, roll: 1 + 5 = 5, failed.
Pip casts PIP! Down to 24 LIFE POINTS, roll: 3 + 4 = 7, success.

Roll to open the chest: 2 + 1 = 3, we're off to 73.

Section 73 posted:

Mmm. Seems the chest was trapped, Pip.

Nothing serious - just a poison needle. It certainly hasn't killed you; not yet. The problem is you will now lose 1 LIFE POINT for every 10' you travel until you can find some sort of anti-poison potion or spell. Successfully Sleeping or a healing potion will restore LIFE POINTS but not cure the poison.

As a small consolation, the chest contains 50 gold pieces, a hunk of cheese and an old boot (left foot).

Return to 115 and take it from there.

I see you guys are starting to realize how this book thinks. Since we'd cast PIP, the poison doesn't work on us.

Section 73 is the "fail" result for that dice roll; if we'd succeeded we would have gone to 134, where the chest isn't trapped and contains 50 Gold Pieces and a scroll that teaches us a light spell, which can be cast the same as other spells in the two spellbooks, except that it costs only one LIFE POINT and has a permanent effect.

Now let's Sleep to recover some life points: roll 5, we're safe this time, and we've recovered 3 + 3 = 6 LIFE POINTS, bringing us back to 30.

Now let's see what's behind the door to 120.

Section 120 posted:

Trouble. There's a Shark in here, Pip. You discover it by falling into the pool which comprises the whole of this eccentric chamber.

You now have several interesting problems, Pip.

First roll one die to see if you drown. Score 1, 2 or 3 and you do. (Off to 14.) Score 4, 5 and 6 and you don't.

Next roll one die to see if you freeze, the water being very cold. Score 1 or 2 and you do. (Off to 14.) Score anything else and you don't.

Finally, see if you can cope with the Shark, which has 20 LIFE POINTS, hits on a 5 or better and bites +4 chunks of damage out of you.

If the Shark kills you, go to 14. If you kill the Shark, don't forget to pull its teeth which, when powdered, are a sure cure for poison.

This book

Even when it does a dick move (such as right now, for instance) it does it with style :allears:

Do we drown? roll: 4, we don't.
Do we freeze? roll: 4, we don't.

Pip's initiative roll: 2 + 1 = 3
Dungeon Shark's initiative roll: 3 + 2 = 5

Dungeon Shark attacks! 6 + 6 = 12 :stonk:

Pip is hit for 7 + 4 - 4 = 7 LIFE POINTS and is down to 23.
Pip attacks! 1 + 4 = 5, Dungeon Shark is hit for 1 + 5 + 5 = 11 LIFE POINTS and is down to 9.
Dungeon Shark attacks! 3 + 4 = 7, Pip is hit for 2 + 4 - 4 = 2 LIFE POINTS and is down to 21.
Pip attacks! 3 + 1 = 4, Dungeon Shark is hit for 0 + 5 + 5 = 10 LIFE POINTS and is killed.

Let's gather the shark teeth and get out of here, moving on to 100.

Section 100 posted:

There's a little old lady in here, Pip.

She's sitting in a rocking chair in the middle of this 30" x 30' stone-lined chamber, her little old feet resting on a sea chest and a long strip of Aran knitting trailing down from her lap. (She must be working on a scarf by the length of it. Either that or she's forgotten to cast off.)

She glances up at you as you enter, peering short- sightedly over the top of gold-rimmed bifocals. 'Hello, young stranger,' she greets you in a quavering voice. 'Who might you be then?'

'I am Pip the Adventurer, sent here by command of King Arthur and his wise advisor, the Druid Wizard Merlin, to close the Gateway to the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead and thus rid the realm of foul emanations,' you reply long-windedly. Then, remembering that you have not been formally introduced, you add politely, 'May I have the honour of learning who you are, Ma'am?'

'I'm the Little Old Lady Monster,' says the little old lady. 'It is my duty to guard this chest which contains a great many valuables. I suppose, as an adventurer, you'll be trying to steal it, won't you?'

'Oh no, Ma'am,' you reassure her. 'Nothing of the sort. I would never dream of such a thing.'

'Even if it happened to contain the Key to open the Gateway?' asks the Little Old Lady Monster slyly.

Which is an interesting point.

'Does it contain the Key?' you ask curiously.

'Not telling you!' says the Little Old Lady Monster smugly. 'Now you'll have to try to steal the chest. Come on, then - I haven't had a good punch-up in ages.' With which she produces a rolling pin from underneath her knitting and leaps up from her rocking chair shouting 'Banzai!!!'

So much for the Age of Chivalry. They don't seem to have learned the rules down here. But you're stuck with the fact of the matter and it's a nastier fact than you might have imagined, since that is a lethal rolling pin with +3 damage. The Little Old Lady Monster hits on only 3 first round, but needs a 6 thereafter on account of her eyesight. She has 50 LIFE POINTS and will batter you to death if she can.

If you survive the Little Old Lady, you can move on to 136 to open the chest. If not, you can think things over in 14.

This book

Pip's initiative roll: 1 + 3 = 4
Murder Granma's initiative roll: 2 + 1 = 3

Pip attacks! 2 + 4 = 6, Murder Granma is hit for 2 + 5 + 5 = 12 LIFE POINTS and is down to 38.
Murder Granma attacks! 1 + 2 = 3, Pip is hit for 0 + 3 - 4 = NO LIFE POINTS.
Pip attacks! 2 + 2 = 4, Murder Granma is hit for 0 + 5 + 5 = 10 LIFE POINTS and is down to 28.
Murder Granma attacks! 3 + 2 = 5, a miss.
Pip attacks! 4 + 1 = 5, Murder Granma is hit for 1 + 5 + 5 = 11 LIFE POINTS and is down to 17.
Murder Granma attacks! 1 + 1 = 2, another miss.
Pip attacks! 2 + 3 = 5, Murder Granma is hit for 1 + 5 + 5 = 11 LIFE POINTS and is down to 6.
Murder Granma attacks! 3 + 2 = 5, yet another miss.
Pip attacks! 2 + 2 = 4, Murder Granma is hit for 0 + 5 + 5 = 10 LIFE POINTS and will knit for the devil in hell from now on.

Let's open the chest and see what's in there.

Section 136 posted:

There's a key in here !

A huge brass key, attached to a huge brass keyring, with a huge brass plaque on which is engraved, in huge brass letters, 'Key to Gateway of the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead.'

You've found the key! (Without even having to fight the dreaded Black Knight either.) This is incredible! This is fantastic! The very Key you were looking for and here it is in the chest of the Little Old Lady Monster! Now all you have to do is zip out and lock the Gateway, get back to Camelot and pig yourself stupid at the festive banquet while everybody tells you what a good class of adventurer you turned out to be!

Wait a minute. You still have to get back to the Gateway. Wonder which way that is?

The doors in this room open (north) into 97 and (east) into a corridor.

"Where is the Gateway" is a really good question, actually. We were teleported to 65 when we crossed it, how do we back there?

The corridor to 80 is 30 squares long, and this means it merits no less than FIVE Wandering Monster rolls. Let's get to it.

Roll 1: 4 + 3 = 7, no one.
Roll 2: 3 + 4 = 7, no one (again).
Roll 3: 2 + 4 = 6, no one (yet again).
Roll 4: 1 + 1 = 2, still no one.
Roll 5: 3 + 1 = 4, the corridor was empty.

We were really lucky with those rolls. Now let's enter the door to 80!

Section 80 posted:

You find yourself in a dingy, rather cramped 20' x 20' room, stacked floor to ceiling with broken furniture (none of it particularly good-looking even when it was new, so far as you can judge).

Since there are no apparent exits, you turn to leave. But some instinct urges you to search around a bit.

Good instinct, Pip. You've found another piece of parchment with another map! (see Appendix, p. 221) And this map not only shows you two secret doors in Room 80, but also shows you a good few other rooms and corridors that werent on your first map.

Looks like the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead is a bigger place than you imagined. Study your new map, decide where to go . . . and good luck.

Thought we would be done when we reached 80? Tough luck :colbert:

Here's the new map:

Old map, for comparison:

What do we do now?

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 21/44
SPEED: 9/18
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 9
INVENTORY:
E.J. (hits on a 4 or higher, +5 damage, +10 damage against dragons), dragonskin jacket (-4 damage), Healing Potion x23 (heals two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), Healing Salve x5 (heals 3 LIFE POINTS), xylophone x1, Artifical Aardvark x1, bookworm x1, blue powder x1, clickstick x1, hammer x1, joke book x1, container of oil x1, gold braid x1, torch x1, hunk of cheese x1, old boot (left foot) x1, powdered shark teeth (heal poison) x1, key to the Gateway of the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead x1
MAGIC:
Pip's First Spellbook and Pip's Second Spellbook (costs 3 LIFE POINTS per spell, maximum 3 uses per spell, need roll 7 or higher on two dice or spell doesn't work, used: PIP x2 ), Lightning Bolt x10 (10 damage, automatic hit), Fireball x2 (75 damage, hits on a 6 or higher)
MONEY AND VALUABLES:
279 Gold Pieces
STATUS EFFECTS:
Magic coin: +5 damage in battle

Roll of the dead posted:

Death the first: (poisonous) smoke inhalation

# ? Jun 22, 2015 23:06

Added Space: Jul 13, 2012; Free Markets
Free People

Curse you Hayard-Gunnes!

Let's press on through 72, 133, and 66

# ? Jun 22, 2015 23:55

Jazzimus Prime: May 16, 2002; The Brothers Autobot

Added Space posted:

Let's press on through 72, 133, and 66

This, but quaff two healing potions first. And DON'T risk the Dreamtime. Too many chances of a bullshit instant death.

# ? Jun 23, 2015 00:39

Glazius: Jul 22, 2007; Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.; Clapping Larry

I still feel a bit of a varlet for beating up an old lady, even if she was a murderous old lady.

# ? Jun 23, 2015 02:32

Carbon dioxide: Oct 9, 2012

First thought:

Jazzimus Prime posted:

This, but quaff two healing potions first. And DON'T risk the Dreamtime. Too many chances of a bullshit instant death.

Thirded.

# ? Jun 23, 2015 21:16

Ratatozsk: Mar 6, 2007; Had we turned left instead, we may have encountered something like this...

Jazzimus Prime posted:

This, but quaff two healing potions first. And ~~DON'T~~ RISK the Dreamtime. ~~Too~~ Many chances of a bullshit instant death!

# ? Jun 24, 2015 02:09

Mikl: Nov 8, 2009; Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

Popular consensus seems to chug two potions, then go through 72, 133 and 66, in order, so we'll do just that!

Potion 1 roll: 6 + 6 = 12 (!), we're up to 33 LIFE POINTS.
Potion 2 roll: 3 + 4 = 7, we're up to 40 LIFE POINTS.

Now let's go to 72.

Section 72 posted:

Through the secret door merrily and into a huge 30' x 80' chamber full of pot plants.

Pot plants?

That's what they look like. Rubber plants and ferns and creepers, the occasional flowering cactus and stuff like that, all laid out neatly in aisles like some sort of underground greenhouse. The ceiling of the chamber has crystal globes imbedded - blue, green, pink and white - shining down on the plants to give them a bit of light.

This could be quite a pleasant place if it wasn't for the scruffy looking old fool shuffling towards you with a pitchfork.

You can either leap on him vigorously and get an automatic surprise attack by going to 103.

Or take a chance that he might be harmless (harmless!) at 132.

Never mind 133 and 76, we've got a decision to make right here! What shall we do with the old gardener?

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 40/44
SPEED: 9/18
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 9
INVENTORY:
E.J. (hits on a 4 or higher, +5 damage, +10 damage against dragons), dragonskin jacket (-4 damage), Healing Potion x21 (heals two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), Healing Salve x5 (heals 3 LIFE POINTS), xylophone x1, Artifical Aardvark x1, bookworm x1, blue powder x1, clickstick x1, hammer x1, joke book x1, container of oil x1, gold braid x1, torch x1, hunk of cheese x1, old boot (left foot) x1, powdered shark teeth (heal poison) x1, key to the Gateway of the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead x1
MAGIC:
Pip's First Spellbook and Pip's Second Spellbook (costs 3 LIFE POINTS per spell, maximum 3 uses per spell, need roll 7 or higher on two dice or spell doesn't work, used: PIP x2), Lightning Bolt x10 (10 damage, automatic hit), Fireball x2 (75 damage, hits on a 6 or higher)
MONEY AND VALUABLES:
279 Gold Pieces
STATUS EFFECTS:
Magic coin: +5 damage in battle

Roll of the dead posted:

Death the first: (poisonous) smoke inhalation

# ? Jun 24, 2015 17:58

Ratatozsk: Mar 6, 2007; Had we turned left instead, we may have encountered something like this...

Take the chance that he may be harmless, but do so vigorously.

# ? Jun 24, 2015 18:42

Mikl: Nov 8, 2009; Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

I'm sure he's just a regular old man, tending his plants. It's not like the last time we met a senior citizen they turned out to have murderous intentions, right?

Section 132 posted:

'What be 'e doing here, young adventurer?' asks the scruffy old man, setting the pitchfork down carefully on account of his bad back.

'I seek to find the route that will forever close the Gateway to this Ghastly Kingdom, Scruffy Old Sir,' you declaim politely.

'Ahr, that be what most of them be arter right enough. Does 'e like pot plants?'

'Ahr,' you reply, which he takes, quite correctly, to be an affirmative reply.

'So does I, ahr. Friendly things, pot plants, if 'e doesn't mess with them. Not like people, nahr. Nor monsters neither. Closing the Gateway, is it?'

'Ah-I mean, yes.'

'Won't manage that here, young 'un, nahr. The way be guarded. Guarded by the Black Knight hisself, ahr. But take this bottle of my patent weed-killer and rub some on your sword, ahr. It gives 'e double damage the first time 'e hits a vegetable monster and there be enough in the bottle for three applications, ahr.'

Which was, you must admit, a nice gesture on his part, and potentially a very useful gift if you happen to meet any vegetable monsters. Stow it away carefully in your backpack for now and return through the secret door to 80.

Surprisingly, the old gardener is actually an old gardener. Sometimes it pays being nice to your elders.

_{Wait, what was that about the Black Knight guarding the way to the gate?}

Anyway, let's walk from 80 all the way around to the door to 133. Those are sixteen corridor squares, and since sixteen is six plus six plus four it means we have to roll twice for Wandering Monsters.

Roll 1: 3 + 2 = 5, we meet nobody.
Roll 2: 2 + 5 = 7, we still meet nobody.

(Enjoy this while it lasts. Once we get to the second Wandering Monsters table - or, god forbid, the third - "empty" rolls are going to be very few and far inbetween.)

Section 133 ***B posted:

This 30' x 30' chamber looks as though it might have been used as some sort of reception room at some time, although the few scraps of wooden furniture are in a pretty ragged state now.

All the same, it's not entirely disused. There are two armoured guards at the door in the southern wall and, when you look carefully, you can see why - the door has a notice saying 'TREASURE ROOM'.

The only way through that door is past the guards, Pip. They don't look particularly strong - 15 LIFE POINTS each, which suggests somebody forgot to feed them for some time. As against that, they are each armed with swords and the armour they are wearing is very high quality, subtracting 3 from any damage scored against them.

There is a small section at the back of the book that has a list of weapons and armour, and says "unless otherwise stated in the Section you're at, use these stats for damage added by enemies' weapons or subtracted by enemies' armour". This is the first time this has come into play. Swords are +3.

Section 133 ***B posted:

The guards will not attack if you leave them alone, so you have a choice of simply returning back into the corridor. If you want to go to 66, however, you're into Bribery or a fight, or both.

Bribery is not an option for us, since we don't have enough money (three asterisks means 1000 Gold Pieces). We could try to offer them EJ, or our Dragonskin Jacket, but I strongly advise aganist it. Not when "murder our way through" is an option.

Of course we could simply leave the two guards alone and get ourselves to another section, per the map:

What do we do?

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 40/44
SPEED: 9/18
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 10
INVENTORY:
E.J. (hits on a 4 or higher, +5 damage, +10 damage against dragons), dragonskin jacket (-4 damage), Healing Potion x21 (heals two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), Healing Salve x5 (heals 3 LIFE POINTS), xylophone x1, Artifical Aardvark x1, bookworm x1, blue powder x1, clickstick x1, hammer x1, joke book x1, container of oil x1, gold braid x1, torch x1, hunk of cheese x1, old boot (left foot) x1, powdered shark teeth (heal poison) x1, key to the Gateway of the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead x1, Scruffy Old Sir's Patent Weed-Killer x3 (double damage for one hit versus plant enemies)
MAGIC:
Pip's First Spellbook and Pip's Second Spellbook (costs 3 LIFE POINTS per spell, maximum 3 uses per spell, need roll 7 or higher on two dice or spell doesn't work, used: PIP x2), Lightning Bolt x10 (10 damage, automatic hit), Fireball x2 (75 damage, hits on a 6 or higher)
MONEY AND VALUABLES:
279 Gold Pieces
STATUS EFFECTS:
Magic coin: +5 damage in battle

Roll of the dead posted:

Death the first: (poisonous) smoke inhalation

# ? Jun 24, 2015 22:18

Ghostwoods: May 9, 2013; Say "Cheese!"

Ratatozsk posted:

Take the chance that he may be harmless, but do so vigorously.

Yeah, precisely. I think we're buff enough to cope if he proves frisky.

# ? Jun 24, 2015 22:25

Carbon dioxide: Oct 9, 2012

Beat guards, get treasure. We didn't come all this way for nothing. And maybe the treasure room has a ring of +1 coolness or something.

# ? Jun 24, 2015 22:58

Added Space: Jul 13, 2012; Free Markets
Free People

Curse you Hayard-Gunnes!

Murder for Fun and Profit

# ? Jun 24, 2015 23:18

Mikl: Nov 8, 2009; Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

Pip draws his sword and pounces upon the two guards... Who had been eyeing him with suspicion, so they're ready for the attack. No surprise on either part this time.

Pip's initiative roll: 5 + 3 = 8
Guards' initiative roll: 3 + 5 = 8

Pip's initiative reroll: 4 + 4 = 8
Guards' initiative reroll: 3 + 6 = 9

Guard 1 attacks! 5 + 4 = 9, Pip is hit for 3 + 3 - 4 = 2 LIFE POINTS and is down to 38.
Guard 2 attacks! 4 + 3 = 7, Pip is hit for 1 + 3 - 4 = 0 LIFE POINTS.
Pip attacks! 6 + 4 = 10, Guard 1 is hit for 6 + 5 + 5 - 3 = 13 LIFE POINTS, is down to 2 and is out of the fight.
Guard 2 attacks! 6 + 3 = 9, Pip is hit for 3 + 3 - 4 = 2 LIFE POINTS and is down to 36.
Pip attacks! 2 + 5 = 7, Guard 2 is hit for 3 + 5 + 5 - 3 = 10 LIFE POINTS, is down to 5 and is knocked out.

Now let's loot that TREASURE ROOM! :dance:

Section 66 posted:

TREASURE ROOM

That's what it says, Pip! Right there on the door! Who knows what loot and goodies you'll get now to bring home to your adoptive parents with the story of how you eventually found the Key and closed the Gateway to the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead!

You rash in eagerly to the 10' x 30' room to find yourself confronted by a very thin, bespectacled Nerd wearing the traditional red cape and spats of the species, seated behind a wooden desk on which are papers and a large bell.

Oh, so THAT is what Nerds look like in the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead. Good to know.

Section 66 posted:

'Welcome,' he says. 'What treasure have you come to give me?'

'Give you?' you echo. 'Give you?' This isn't a real Treasure Room at all - at least not the sort you thought. This stupid Nerd wants you to give him treasure, while you were perhaps thinking there might be a bit you could nick.

'Your sword, perhaps - a magical item, I'll be bound if you've survived this far. Or you may have a Tinglering secreted about your person. Or-'

'I have not yet made up my mind to give you anything, Ignoble Nerd,' you tell him pompously, looking around for anywhere he may have concealed treasure, or possibly a key.

'In that case, I shall be forced to ring my bell,' says the Nerd. He blinks at you mildly. 'I'm sure you wouldn't want me to do that.'

Well, would you? Certainly you can't let him have EJ, but he looks the sort of Nerd that would accept a hefty bribe - a 100 gold pieces, say. Or you could always hack him into Nerd cubes before he has a chance to ring the bell.

Or you could let him ring the silly thing anyway and see what happens.

You can try to bribe the Nerd 100 gold pieces. If you succeed you may leave the room safely.

You can let him ring the bell and go to 101.

Or you can hack him into Nerd cubes at 124.

This section is not a "but thou must", by the way. In section 124 there's a check to see if we're fast enough to skewer this guy before he can grab the bell, and if we succeed we can slice and dice to our heart's content. (If we fail we get sent to 101.)

Pip's Stat Block posted:

LIFE POINTS: 36/44
SPEED: 9/18
EXPERIENCE POINTS: 11
INVENTORY:
E.J. (hits on a 4 or higher, +5 damage, +10 damage against dragons), dragonskin jacket (-4 damage), Healing Potion x21 (heals two dice rolls' worth of LIFE POINTS), Healing Salve x5 (heals 3 LIFE POINTS), xylophone x1, Artifical Aardvark x1, bookworm x1, blue powder x1, clickstick x1, hammer x1, joke book x1, container of oil x1, gold braid x1, torch x1, hunk of cheese x1, old boot (left foot) x1, powdered shark teeth (heal poison) x1, key to the Gateway of the Ghastly Kingdom of the Dead x1, Scruffy Old Sir's Patent Weed-Killer x3 (double damage for one hit versus plant enemies)
MAGIC:
Pip's First Spellbook and Pip's Second Spellbook (costs 3 LIFE POINTS per spell, maximum 3 uses per spell, need roll 7 or higher on two dice or spell doesn't work, used: PIP x2), Lightning Bolt x10 (10 damage, automatic hit), Fireball x2 (75 damage, hits on a 6 or higher)
MONEY AND VALUABLES:
279 Gold Pieces
STATUS EFFECTS:
Magic coin: +5 damage in battle

Roll of the dead posted:

Death the first: (poisonous) smoke inhalation

Mikl fucked around with this message at 23:44 on Jun 24, 2015

# ? Jun 24, 2015 23:36

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 1, 2024 15:53

FredMSloniker: Jan 2, 2008; Why, yes, I do like Kirby games.

It slices, it dices, it makes Julienne fries in seconds!

# ? Jun 24, 2015 23:39

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Let's Play the Grailquest series! (If this kills you, go to 14.)

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