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Liquid Communism posted:Might be more relevant how long she has been there. just a few weeks, we are still 5 months or so from the actual divorce.
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Jun 17, 2015 04:40
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I feel like I have to be missing something, here. Your wife attempted to leave you homeless and broke in an unfamiliar city with no support network so that she could take your children away from you using her family's money and legal acumen, lied to her family and law enforcement about you abusing her, so that she could hook up with some dude from Texas? And you're hoping you can reconcile with her? And now she's taking the phone away from your crying children in the limited time you have to talk to them? This is some vile poo poo, and you would have to lack any sense of self worth whatsoever in order to go crawling back to someone who did that to you, ever. I feel like I'm angrier on your behalf than you are, and I don't know if it's because you're reacting from a position of emotional numbness, like an abuse victim, or because we're only getting part of the story. That being said, on the practical side of things, I strongly suggest going on her Facebook and preserving it. Go to the "Timeline" view, go year by year, makes sure you're viewing "all" and not just "highlights" ("highlights" is the default), and go to each entry and click "show all comments." Use Chrome's print to PDF to preserve it, do a PDF for each year. Do it now before it occurs to her to scrub it.
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Jun 17, 2015 20:04
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Thanatosian posted:That being said, on the practical side of things, I strongly suggest going on her Facebook and preserving it. Go to the "Timeline" view, go year by year, makes sure you're viewing "all" and not just "highlights" ("highlights" is the default), and go to each entry and click "show all comments." Use Chrome's print to PDF to preserve it, do a PDF for each year. Do it now before it occurs to her to scrub it. She must be feeling untouchable if she posted all that stuff to her Facebook, making it painfully obvious that she already had another relationship going on while she was setting up the OP to be left out in the cold. OP, use her hubris to her advantage while you still can!
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Jun 18, 2015 13:00
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Thanatosian posted:I feel like I have to be missing something, here. I think you've got it. At least, that's what I've gathered from the story. This isn't zaurg-funny, it's tragic-clown-sad. "My wife has spent (at least) the last six months riding (at least one) one other man's dick. She's lied to me, and arranged for me to be broke, homeless, and without any resources while she steals my children by lying to law enforcement about my supposed abusive behavior. She's willing to let me literally die in the streets, but just in case I don't, she's poisoning my kids against me and using them as a bludgeon to intimidate and control me until such time as she can use her family's money and resources to relegate me to one-weekend-a-month parenthood. We can get past this." I'm still hoping it's a troll, or he's completely full of poo poo about the circumstances. The alternative is depressing.
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Jun 18, 2015 17:09
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January posted:She must be feeling untouchable if she posted all that stuff to her Facebook, making it painfully obvious that she already had another relationship going on while she was setting up the OP to be left out in the cold. OP, use her hubris to her advantage while you still can!
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Jun 18, 2015 17:20
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I got conflicting advice at this point. "Whatever you do don't look at her social media accounts!" Vs "Screen cap everything!" Unfortunately I think documenting everything wins out but boy is that a soul killer. Sorry dude.
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Jun 19, 2015 20:34
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Thanatosian posted:Here's the thing: this is something he wants to do even if there's zero evidence of adultery on her Facebook page. She's already shown that she's willing to lie to all and sundry about a myriad of things, so you want as much documentary evidence as possible in case she starts lying about other things down the line. People who use Facebook a lot tend not to be too careful about what they post, and it makes it much easier to catch them in a lie, especially if they're making up lies now about something that happened months or years ago. True. He should probably do screen caps of her entire account history. For one thing, there's the date range when he supposedly put her in the hospital. It could be evidence she was OK/elsewhere at the time (in addition to there being no hospital records). For being so manipulative it certainly doesn't sound like she has much discretion, probably because she's so sure she'll get away with everything. Kind of like the villain who describes his entire master plot before he's about to kill the hero, but then the hero gets saved because the villain was wasting time gloating. Yeah. I just compared the OP's wife to a movie cliche.
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Jun 20, 2015 00:46
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r00tn00b posted:18 and 21 OP between you and your wife could you make a full set of teeth
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Jun 20, 2015 23:17
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Stoca Zola posted:I was having a read here http://courts.oregon.gov/OJD/OSCA/cpsd/courtimprovement/familylaw/pages/fl_divorce.aspx to see if there was any reason why she might have lured you to Oregon before trying to break it off with you...It doesn't look to me like there is any sneaky law there that can screw you over, it all looks pretty reasonable I would hazard a guess the reason she dragged him out to Oregon to break things off are 1) step dad is an attorney and has offered not only his services, but the services of the law firm he works for pro bono and 2) there's a good chance that if her step father is a former DA he may still have connections in the justice system and likely can pull strings on his stepdaughter's behalf.
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Jun 22, 2015 04:52
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Geoj posted:I would hazard a guess the reason she dragged him out to Oregon to break things off are 1) step dad is an attorney and has offered not only his services, but the services of the law firm he works for pro bono and 2) there's a good chance that if her step father is a former DA he may still have connections in the justice system and likely can pull strings on his stepdaughter's behalf. not works for, owns, he owns the law firm. I have not posted in a while as I was spending the last few days with my kids. It was fun we had a blast and I can't wait to see them again. I spoke to an attorney and while the legal custody of my children is not an issue, they are doubtful of the protection order being dissolved on my request as Oregon state would require me to prove proof that she is not telling the truth. It is hard to prove a negative and my lawyer feels the best route is to cut communication and focus on getting legal custody of the kids and more time with them rather than risk losing that battle and having further restrictions put against me (if we fight and lose it I cannot purchase guns or ammo for the rest of my life). So that's what we are doing, preparing a legal case to work on a custody arrangement where I can see my kids more often. As my wife doesn't have a place of her own or a job I have a pretty good case to be the custodial parent. I have accepted that reconciliation is not a likely outcome of this and her actions as of late have only driven that home. even at the exchange of the kids she was not seen. It is still something that I want to at least try, I still love her and know that some times people do stupid things.
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Jun 22, 2015 05:18
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Bill Pullman posted:I got conflicting advice at this point. "Whatever you do don't look at her social media accounts!" Vs "Screen cap everything!" Unfortunately I think documenting everything wins out but boy is that a soul killer. Sorry dude. Absolutely document everything, there's no way that can hurt you. The sever and block thing doesn't pertain to the sort of situation where there's going to be lawyers involved.
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Jun 22, 2015 07:23
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r00tn00b posted:not works for, owns, he owns the law firm. Stupid things are saying something a little callous or forgetting an anniversary. She moved you out to Oregon, refused to let you stay with her, accused you of threatening her, got an order of protection and is dangling your children over your head while moving on with the guy she flew out to gently caress. STOP DOWNPLAYING HER ACTIONS. She's diligently working to gently caress you over. The marriage is so far beyond done, they need a new word for it.
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Jun 22, 2015 12:18
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r00tn00b posted:not works for, owns, he owns the law firm. holy poo poo dude, are you trying to be stupid as you can possibly be with that last 2 sentences
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Jun 22, 2015 21:06
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OP just how many printers have you carried for this woman
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Jun 22, 2015 21:17
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r00tn00b posted:I have accepted that reconciliation is not a likely outcome of this and her actions as of late have only driven that home. even at the exchange of the kids she was not seen. It is still something that I want to at least try, I still love her and know that some times people do stupid things. drat dude, even after two weeks of this shitfest you are still delusional as hell. Nothing about what she has done is stupid - it is a careful, planned, deliberate, wholesale rejection of every role you have had in her life. Premeditated absolute rejection. This bears repeating, from page 1.. Blitter posted:This whole episode should be pointing out to you that you don't have a hot loving clue where your wife is at, no ability to understand what she now wants (not you) nor even judge if a chance existed (which it loving doesn't). You might be the E/N doormat champion; 'grats.
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Jun 22, 2015 22:17
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Thread title is misleading, as op was "abandoned " lol long before he moved cities.
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Jun 22, 2015 22:25
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r00tn00b posted:It is still something that I want to at least try, I still love her and know that some times people do stupid things. What she did to you is not a "stupid thing"... it's an "evil thing"! You have been - emotionally manipulated - led to move to another city under false pretenses - cheated on - lied about to the police and still you think it was just a stupid mistake on her part? Wake up! Don't be the person that goes back to the abuser and ends up with more black eyes and broken bones (metaphorically speaking, in your case). Many battered spouses feel that they have nowhere else to go, but you're in the opposite situation! Your abuser is actively trying to get rid of you and you want to go back! smh...
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Jun 22, 2015 23:00
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r00tn00b posted:I have accepted that reconciliation is not a likely outcome of this and her actions as of late have only driven that home. even at the exchange of the kids she was not seen. It is still something that I want to at least try, I still love her and know that some times people do stupid things. This is amazing. It's like Don Quixote hosed Euripides on a pile of Shakespearean tragedies, and gave birth to a series of E/N posts. If you're not trolling, at least stop telling us that you're thinking about reconciling. Pretend you're not, because it's painful for the rest of us to watch you wallow in what is starting to look like delusion bordering on actual mental illness.
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Jun 23, 2015 02:38
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Centripetal Horse posted:It's like Don Quixote hosed Euripides on a pile of Shakespearean tragedies This would make an awesome tagline for the movie of the OP's life. OP is apparently seeking therapy. Hopefully, his therapist will help him to discover self-worth (and possibly sanity) so he doesn't follow through on his delusions.
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Jun 23, 2015 12:59
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Centripetal Horse posted:This is amazing. It's like Don Quixote hosed Euripides on a pile of Shakespearean tragedies, and gave birth to a series of E/N posts. If you're not trolling, at least stop telling us that you're thinking about reconciling. Pretend you're not, because it's painful for the rest of us to watch you wallow in what is starting to look like delusion bordering on actual mental illness. I'm guessing both the OP and his ex-wife are both pretty hosed up people. When crazy and crazy get together and they have come from crazy families they often don't know it and think they are relatively normal.
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Jun 23, 2015 16:32
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Hey OP I thought about you today.quote:He still loves his wife, though he's mad at her, Mitchell said. But support her? "As of right now, I don't know what to think," he said. On the bright side, your wife hasn't tried to kill you yet!
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Jun 23, 2015 16:48
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i hope they reconcile is only because it will lead to more great threads
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Jun 23, 2015 17:34
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You guys, it's normal for someone to still desperately want to reconcile at the stage OPs at. Not everyone does, and a lot of people don't mention it because of the ridicule it can induce, but it's pretty loving normal. He knows what she's done, and he's holding out hope that her actions were the result of some sort of mental health issue. It's a hope. Hope is something that keeps us going when things are lovely. If he posts "She loves me again, I'm moving in with her and we're not getting counselling or addressing the cheating and lies" than yes, he's stupid. But he's not stupid for having hope. Chill out on him. I've talked with him, he is very much aware she's hosed him over repeatedly. Dude's allowed to have his tiny bit of hope that makes life a little less terrible.
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Jun 23, 2015 21:54
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Abandon your family OP
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Jun 25, 2015 23:24
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r00tn00b posted:...I still love her and know that some times people do stupid things. We all understand that you love her but her behavior is clear. It is also clear that you don't understand her behavior and that you are co-dependant. It is hard to separate, but sometimes you have to do just that. Let. It. Go. Worry about your kids. Not her. She's gone.
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Jun 27, 2015 16:24
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Your wife actively hates you and you're inability to understand why you should defend yourself is probably why she's leaving you. You are broken for thinking for a split second at this point there is any hope of fixing your marriage. Your wife wants you to gently caress off and if you died right now she would only be relieved. People go through bad relationships but if my wife actively left the state to cheat on me I wouldn't be discussing where we're moving to 'fix' anything. The only things that matter right now are your children and you. Do not give her any passes, she is trying to ruin you and if you kill yourself she would be loving glad because her plan is to be rid of you. She wants you gone, and doesn't care how. That's why she abandoned you in a place with no support after lying to lure you there. Honestly if she's told the cops about dragging you out there I wouldn't be surprised if everyone automatically believes the box cutter fake threat because most people would probably freak out a bit in your position and would probably do something stupid like that in a fit of rage. You're too whipped to know when you're not wanted. I know you said you're getting a lawyer, for God's sake follow up on that and protect yourself so in 15 years your kids will have a father they can respect. Don't let her ruin you over this, this is a good wake up call to find someone worth being with. I know this is hard but the only solution is to toughen up and deal with it. I'm sorry this is happening to you though. Your wife is a garbage person and I hope you can accept that as soon as possible because even being a passive sad sack, you are hundreds of times better than her.
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Jun 27, 2015 17:37
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As more details come out it honestly sounds like moving to another city and abandoning you was the only way your wife could get away from you. I mean she even flew out to cheat on you with another man and you still wouldn't let her go. It sounds more like she finally got rid of you rather than abandoning you.
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Jun 27, 2015 18:20
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The human condition is so fantastically tragic, it's hard to take it sometimes.
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Jun 27, 2015 21:38
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Specifically slow moving train wrecks like this, where there's signs all along saying "stop, abort, noooo" but we keep on truckin, inexorably pulled on down the path.
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Jun 27, 2015 21:49
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Update please OP?
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Jul 2, 2015 00:21
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a creepy colon posted:Update please OP? She realized the error of her ways and came crawling back. They are super happy now. Duh!
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Jul 2, 2015 04:04
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a creepy colon posted:Update please OP? There isn't much to update, I am seeing my therapist and working on raising more money for my lawyer. I am in a state of depression and I can't sleep unless I pass out from exhaustion and I only eat once a day because I know I need it to live. I still want to talk to my wife, even for any amount of closure over this whole thing because that's what I know I need. Even if its just so that she can tell me to gently caress off and get my own life I want to hear something from her. I understand her actions say something and its loud and clear but I still want to hear the words from her mouth. For now I am enjoying the small amount of time I get with my kids and I am trying to make new friends in the area. I have met up with a few goons for drinks and to get me out of the house. Distractions are the only thing keeping me from being in my bed all the time and staring at my text screen fighting with myself on weather or not breaking the restraining order is worth letting her know how she is making me feel. Don't worry the prospect of going to jail keeps me from doing it. She had a one of her family members text me about medical insurance for the kids which I cant loving afford as my job doesn't provide any assistance with benefits and I would have to pay them out of pocket, I tried explain that to them and got threaded with a court order and insulted for not caring enough about my kids to want to get them health insurance. That really pissed me off. A lot. I am paying all of my income to keep current on my house and my rent and paying for her cell phone and her other poo poo. I feel like I can't move on with my life yet and I am still stuck thinking that I can only be happy with her. She has been apart of my life for so long I am not just me in my head, I am US and I don't want to not be US still and I have to learn to let that go and be me again. just typing that made me cry a little. I get my kids this weekend and I am taking them to see fireworks and going to enjoy this as much as I can, I just have the terrible feeling that Friday when I go to get the kids I am going to be served with court papers for the hearing about our legal separation and I am having so much anxiety over that it causes my chest to hurt like a knife being slowly pushed through it.
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Jul 2, 2015 12:36
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something clever posted:She realized the error of her ways and came crawling back. They are super happy now. Duh! I still wish this would happen, not in this way and not how you think of it, it would be a long road of recovery that might not work, but I can dream, and I do.
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Jul 2, 2015 12:37
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You need to quit thinking that way, because it is a vulnerability that she WILL exploit. I went through a bad breakup recently, and that whole "need for closure" thing is nothing special to you, everyone feels it when they get dumped out of nowhere. There is no situation with you and her. There's no closure to be had beyond the fact that she's completely hosed you over and is actively trying to ruin you. Keep listen to your lawyer and do what they say. Do not respond to texts from her or her family unless it's specifically about logistics involving picking up or dropping off the kids. Treat them like the police; anything you say can and will be used against you. They are not communicating with you in good faith. They are trying to get a reaction out of you that they can use to screw you over.
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Jul 2, 2015 13:22
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r00tn00b posted:closure I am going to be That Guy. Closure does not exist. Stop searching for it. Every answer you get from here will simply open up new avenues for misguided, exhausting, misplaced hope. The only 'closure' you'll ever find will be the closure you create yourself when you learn to move on.
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Jul 2, 2015 13:44
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Jeherrin posted:I am going to be That Guy. ...er, I meant 'Every answer you get from her will simply...'.
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Jul 2, 2015 13:45
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r00tn00b posted:Distractions are the only thing keeping me from being in my bed all the time and staring at my text screen fighting with myself on weather or not breaking the restraining order is worth letting her know how she is making me feel. Don't worry the prospect of going to jail keeps me from doing it. This is creepy as gently caress.
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Jul 2, 2015 14:01
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Horrible Smutbeast posted:This is creepy as gently caress. I don't understand why that is creepy
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Jul 2, 2015 14:04
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It's not.
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Jul 2, 2015 14:05
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a creepy colon posted:It's not. You know that and I know that but I want to know why he dosn't know that.
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Jul 2, 2015 14:08
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