NCAA Offseason N/V: Yet Another National Champion From The SEC

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NCAA Offseason N/V: Yet Another National Champion From The SEC

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Declan MacManus: Sep 1, 2011; damn i'm really in this bitch

It's also illegal to drink in high school and lord knows plenty of us have managed that

# ? Jul 3, 2015 03:55

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# ? May 23, 2024 11:47

That Works: Jul 22, 2006; Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy

MourningView posted:

No one actually gets eaten by sharks you nerds, and if one every tries to eat me I will punch it right in the dang face to teach it a lesson. I fear no fish.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 03:56

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

ITT a bunch of scaredy cat doofuses who think Jaws was a documentary

# ? Jul 3, 2015 04:06

pillsburysoldier: Feb 11, 2008; Yo, peep that shit

What incoming freshmen have a great chance of starting for your teams?

# ? Jul 3, 2015 04:07

Grittybeard: Mar 29, 2010; Bad, very bad!

^^Terry Beckner and...well Drew Lock probably won't but I hope he pushes Maty Mauk.

MourningView posted:

ITT a bunch of scaredy cat doofuses who think Jaws was a documentary

I watched a documentary on the USS Indianapolis which was mentioned in Jaws, I can be scared of sharks if I want to :colbert:

Don't click that link, just ignore Sash's posts telling everyone about it and know that sharks are terrifying.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 04:24

FeedingHam2Cats: Nov 10, 2009

MourningView posted:

No one actually gets eaten by sharks you nerds, and if one every tries to eat me I will punch it right in the dang face to teach it a lesson. I fear no fish.

Lotta gibbis Nuke The Ocean sentiment itt. Not that I'm surprised

# ? Jul 3, 2015 04:29

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

The only sea creatures worth being scared of are dolphins

# ? Jul 3, 2015 04:31

Crotch Bat: Dec 6, 2003; Much like with everything else in life, the Euros seem to have more sense on how to do things in a fun atmosphere without sucking the soul out of the event.

pillsburysoldier posted:

What incoming freshmen have a great chance of starting for your teams?

None, thank goodness. Not a statement about the incoming class but VT finally has experience at nearly all positions.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 04:33

I. M. Gei: Jun 26, 2005; CHIEFS

BITCH

Sharks are basically just underwater puppy dogs. But instead of using noses and paws to investigate things, they use mouths full of teeth.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 06:01

computer parts: Nov 18, 2010; PLEASE CLAP

pillsburysoldier posted:

What incoming freshmen have a great chance of starting for your teams?

Kyler Murray to continue the QB carousel at Texas A&M.

Hopefully our defense is ok enough that it doesn't matter.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 06:43

KKKLIP ART: Sep 3, 2004

pillsburysoldier posted:

What incoming freshmen have a great chance of starting for your teams?

Terry Godwin because invariably Malcom Mitchell will blow out his knee dancing in the end zone and Justin Scott-Wesley will smoke weed.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 13:22

Henchman of Santa: Aug 21, 2010

So I get a lot of random emails and press releases because I used to write for a news blog in Detroit, even though I haven't lived in Michigan since October. Just got this one from PETA. I know the Fulmer Cup is dead but illegal wallaby possession and sale has to be worth something. Emphasis theirs.

quote:

Dear Travis,

I've got a story for you about some University of Michigan (UM) players who appear to be in possession of, and trying to sell, a wallaby, illegally.

On June 30, PETA found an advert posted by UM football player Jack Wangler for a wallaby for sale on the website Exotic Animals for Sale. That ad listed a phone number, which we later learned belongs to UM hockey player Cutler Martin, and stated that the animal is located in East Lansing. Laws in both Ann Arbor and East Lansing prohibit the possession of exotic animals such as wallabies (Ann Arbor Mun. Code s. 9:38(1); East Lansing Mun. Code s. 4-4(a)). We have .pdf files of all of these ads.

A PETA Foundation attorney contacted Cutler to discuss the surrender of the wallaby to the Detroit Zoo. PETA agreed to provide Cutler with $500 in exchange for surrendering the animal to the Detroit Zoo and agreeing not to own exotic animals in the future. Cutler initially lied about his identity and provided a false email address to the attorney. Later that day, after the attorney told Cutler that PETA may be forced to pursue alternate means of ensuring that the animal is properly surrendered, Cutler called and identified himself.

On July 1, the PETA Foundation attorney spoke with Cutler again and although he had agreed to the $500 figure the day before, Cutler stated that he now did not think that $500 was enough money to compensate him for surrendering the animal and stated that he wanted more. Cutler also stated that he was considering selling the animal to a roadside zoo that was interested in purchasing the animal. The attorney pointed out to Cutler that [b]federal law requires a U.S. Department of Agriculture Animal Welfare Act license in order to legally sell a wallaby.[/]b

Also on July 1, PETA submitted a letter to UM President, Dr. Mark S. Schlissel, informing him of the situation, including the fact that Cutler had offered the animal for sale despite being advised that doing so would be illegal.

Please let me know if you would like to speak to PETA's Deputy Director of Captive Animal Law Enforcement who has been working on this case and has all the information you will need.

PETA has offered Martin a happy ending to this story, for both himself and the wallaby. High-profile animal acquisitions such as this one serve to endorse private exotic-animal ownership and support the cruel exotic-animal trade. As a result of crowded living conditions, poor ventilation, and a lack of food, water, and basic care, many animals exploited in this trade die in the clutches of breeding facilities and dealers before they ever reach a pet store. Those who survive often die because caretakers are unprepared to take on the huge task of caring for an exotic animal.

Thanks for your time and consideration. Do let me know if you would like any more information.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 14:24

Kidd-Liggit: Sep 6, 2011; You mean I have to go to Philly?

pillsburysoldier posted:

What incoming freshmen have a great chance of starting for your teams?

CJ Conrad a 4* TE, probably going to start because he's good and we have no eligible tight ends except for Darryl Long who redshirted last year.

Derrick Baity a 3* DB, May start because he has size and athleticism and our CBs are a disaster

Chris Westry a 3* DB, (see Derrick Baity)

George Asafo-Adjei a 4* OL, may start because he's been way better than expected and our OL is still not really set.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 14:35

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

MourningView posted:

No one actually gets eaten by sharks you nerds, and if one every tries to eat me I will punch it right in the dang face to teach it a lesson. I fear no fish.

i am martin brody in this gif

you're the kid lol

# ? Jul 3, 2015 15:10

Anals of History: Jul 29, 2003

Henchman of Santa posted:

So I get a lot of random emails and press releases because I used to write for a news blog in Detroit, even though I haven't lived in Michigan since October. Just got this one from PETA. I know the Fulmer Cup is dead but illegal wallaby possession and sale has to be worth something. Emphasis theirs.

Here's his original ad: http://www.exoticanimalsforsale.net/wallabies-for-sale.asp Not much to see there, other than the fact that there are apparently lots of people out there looking to buy, sell, or trade wallabies.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 15:22

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

Ehud posted:

i am martin brody in this gif

you're the kid lol

Nah, man, I'm not some bitch rear end tuna or something, I would give that shark the Stone Cold Stunner.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 16:00

RumbleFish: Dec 20, 2007

pillsburysoldier posted:

What incoming freshmen have a great chance of starting for your teams?

We've got a handful of first-year guys who will likely start for us but they're JUCO/transfer players, so I guess that doesn't count. The only true freshman who has a chance at starting is probably DE Dexter Wideman. We were a pretty young (and stupid) team last year, so I'm glad there's not as much youth in the picture.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 16:11

KICK BAMA KICK: Mar 2, 2009

pillsburysoldier posted:

What incoming freshmen have a great chance of starting for your teams?

DE Byron Cowart and CB Tim Irvin look like the best candidates. Cowart I'd expect to have a first year that looks like Carl Lawson's and Montravious Adams', plenty of playing time but they don't become the top guy overnight; timetable might be pushed up with Elijah Daniel's dismissal. Irvin might be starting sooner rather than later with some major depth issues in the secondary.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 16:18

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

MourningView posted:

Nah, man, I'm not some bitch rear end tuna or something, I would give that shark the Stone Cold Stunner.

Here's to swimmin' with bow-legged women!

# ? Jul 3, 2015 16:21

dirty shrimp money: Jan 8, 2001

pillsburysoldier posted:

What incoming freshmen have a great chance of starting for your teams?

Ask me this time next year.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 16:25

General Dog: Apr 26, 2008; Everybody's working for the weekend

Ehud posted:

i am martin brody in this gif

you're the kid lol

Brady Hoke and Shane Morris

# ? Jul 3, 2015 16:41

Detroit_Dogg: Feb 2, 2008; Aaron Rodgers is gay and lame and oh please cum in me Aaron PLEASE I NEED IT OH STAFFORD YOUR COCK IS NOT WORTHY ONLY THE GAYEST RODGERS PRICK CAN SATISFY MY DESPERATE THROAT

I uh I didn't see the shark attack, the uhm the lifeguards uh that's under their uhm its the lifeguards job

No uhm no I dont think a walkie talkie will help at all

# ? Jul 3, 2015 16:43

General Dog: Apr 26, 2008; Everybody's working for the weekend

We took all the proper precautions before allowing him to return to the ocean

# ? Jul 3, 2015 16:49

Groucho Marxist: Dec 9, 2005; Do you smell what The Mauk is cooking?

Detroit_Dogg posted:

I uh I didn't see the shark attack, the uhm the lifeguards uh that's under their uhm its the lifeguards job

No uhm no I dont think a walkie talkie will help at all

So you're saying Brady Hoke is Mayor Larry Vaughn

# ? Jul 3, 2015 17:18

Mike_V: Jul 31, 2004; 3/18/2023: Day of the Dorks

Grittybeard posted:

^^Terry Beckner and...well Drew Lock probably won't but I hope he pushes Maty Mauk.

I watched a documentary on the USS Indianapolis which was mentioned in Jaws, I can be scared of sharks if I want to

Don't click that link, just ignore Sash's posts telling everyone about it and know that sharks are terrifying.

I'm holding out hope that Maty Mauk somehow puts it together this year because I am an idiot.

Also, I'm trying to go to a game this year, my options are SEMO/UCONN/South Carolina. Obviously South Carolina is preferable, but if I can't swing that should I go see SEMO get sandblasted or UCONN get killed?

# ? Jul 3, 2015 17:23

JesustheDarkLord: May 22, 2006; #VolsDeep; Lipstick Apathy

Well, gently caress UCONN forever if that helps.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 17:24

Pakled: Aug 6, 2011; WE ARE SMART

A Look at 2014 Stadium Ejections, Arrests and Incidents From Big Ten Fanbases

The disparity in some of these stats leads me to believe that schools/PDs are reporting them differently.

Also, scroll down and read the Iowa section.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 17:46

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

Let's go Hawks, Bitch

quote:

Notable reported incidents include:
11 cases where patrons were found either inside or near a bathroom stall, or standing or kneeling next to a trashcan, either dry heaving or vomiting onto themselves or the ground, toilet or waste receptacle;
A 21-year-old male attempting to prove he wasn't drunk to a police officer by placing a dollar bill in his wallet, only to be unable to do so;
A 20-year-old male accused of groping females in the stands while intoxicated prior to his arrest;
A 19-year-old male admitting not knowing where he was when found in someone else's seat covered in mud after drunkenly confessing to falling in a creek;
A 22-year-old male walking around the outside of Kinnick Stadium drinking an open bottle of Fireball;
A 50-year-old male accused of purposely pouring beer on the keyboard of another patron's laptop at a tailgate after asking them to turn down their music and then claiming it was an accident;
A 35-year-old male drunkenly attempting to enter Kinnick Stadium without a ticket, instead handing the ticket taker a $20 bill only to be denied;
A 25-year-old female slapping an officer's hand and refusing to heed his assistance as she drunkenly fought with her boyfriend;
A 41-year-old male falling asleep in the stands after drunkenly vomiting all over himself and others;
A 23-year-old male drunkenly standing and dancing in front of heavy traffic, causing a backup after a game; and
A 25-year-old female blew a .273 into a breathalyzer, the highest reported blood-alcohol level from Hawkeye home games.

.273 being the highest is honestly a little disappointing, Vodka Sam was like a .34 or something

MourningView fucked around with this message at 17:56 on Jul 3, 2015

# ? Jul 3, 2015 17:52

whos that broooown: Dec 10, 2009; 2024 Comeback Poster of the Year

pillsburysoldier posted:

What incoming freshmen have a great chance of starting for your teams?

Ohio State - None, we're loving stacked. :smugdog:

# ? Jul 3, 2015 18:09

HOTLANTA MAN: Jul 4, 2010; by Hand Knit; Lipstick Apathy

MourningView posted:

Let's go Hawks, Bitch

.273 being the highest is honestly a little disappointing, Vodka Sam was like a .34 or something

That was probably vodka Sam being a repeat offender.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 18:39

Rad Valtar: May 31, 2011; Someday coach Im going to throw for 6 TDs in the Super Bowl.

Sit your ass down Steve.

A ton of the arrests are people trying to bring alcohol into the stadium so basically nothing new or shocking.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 18:55

Thoguh: Nov 8, 2002; College Slice

MourningView posted:

A 35-year-old male drunkenly attempting to enter Kinnick Stadium without a ticket, instead handing the ticket taker a $20 bill only to be denied;

I could see how this would make a lot of sense to somebody who was blackout drunk

# ? Jul 3, 2015 19:14

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

Dude who fell in a creek would have had to stumble a pretty long way covered in mud to get to the stadium, I admire his dedication.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 19:27

General Dog: Apr 26, 2008; Everybody's working for the weekend

MourningView posted:

Dude who fell in a creek would have had to stumble a pretty long way covered in mud to get to the stadium, I admire his dedication.

He poo poo himself dawg

# ? Jul 3, 2015 20:00

an adult beverage: Aug 13, 2005; 1,2,3,4,5 dem gators don't take no jive. go gator -US Rep. Corrine Brown (D) FL

MourningView posted:

A 21-year-old male attempting to prove he wasn't drunk to a police officer by placing a dollar bill in his wallet, only to be unable to do so;

that loving owns.

Here's another Iowa arrest report:

quote:

Fernandez was lying flat on his back and appeared to have soiled himself. Fernandez was unable to stand without assistance. Fernandez blew .203 PBT.

an adult beverage fucked around with this message at 20:42 on Jul 3, 2015

# ? Jul 3, 2015 20:37

Thoguh: Nov 8, 2002; College Slice

Frackie Robinson posted:

He poo poo himself dawg

Naw, there's a creek just to the west of the parking lots adjoining Kinnick. He legitimately probably tried to take a shortcut and fell in.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 21:05

anne frank fanfic: Oct 31, 2005

finally Baylor Bears Natinoal Championship year they better do it because its only a matter of time before theys uck again like they arleady do or the big 12 breaks up or the fat dude who can run and catch blows out both knees and dies and Baylor Bitch (time to win) (gently caress tcu too) gently caress

# ? Jul 3, 2015 22:49

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

The Iowa City Police report the day after an Iowa game has been the pro-est of clicks for years.

# ? Jul 3, 2015 23:15

buddhanc: Feb 16, 2010

pillsburysoldier posted:

What incoming freshmen have a great chance of starting for your teams?

Malik Jefferson, Connor Williams, Kris Boyd, and Holton Hill. They are all pretty much ready to start

# ? Jul 3, 2015 23:21

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# ? May 23, 2024 11:47

Thoguh: Nov 8, 2002; College Slice

anne frank fanfic posted:

finally Baylor Bears Natinoal Championship year they better do it because its only a matter of time before theys uck again like they arleady do or the big 12 breaks up or the fat dude who can run and catch blows out both knees and dies and Baylor Bitch (time to win) (gently caress tcu too) gently caress

# ? Jul 3, 2015 23:26

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NCAA Offseason N/V: Yet Another National Champion From The SEC

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