tech bubble: Make someone ugly cry. Adobe can help.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > tech bubble: Make someone ugly cry. Adobe can help.

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syscall girl: Nov 7, 2009; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

Citizen Tayne posted:

Carnegie Mellon is in Pittsburgh.

i had a nerdy hs associate who went there

he was a bunk bed masturbator with yellow fever, about your height

saw him showing of his waifu and computer engineering degree a few years back

sounds like the place to go

# ? Jul 4, 2015 05:05

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# ? May 22, 2024 03:40

syscall girl: Nov 7, 2009; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

omg, sorry i thought i was caught up on this thread and that was the necro post from hades

you're probably all up in yuenglings now

it was supposed to be in the moment :negative:

ima stop posting

# ? Jul 4, 2015 05:06

Sniep: Mar 28, 2004; All I needed was that fatty blunt...

King of Breakfast

to be real that qualcom facility in la jolla or del mar or wherever that is up there in that spot far west mira mesa blvd, that area is fuckin beautiful

# ? Jul 4, 2015 05:09

PostNouveau: Sep 3, 2011; VY till I die; Grimey Drawer

Pinterest Mom posted:

oh, lol

accounting is weird

"we way overpaid for this piece of poo poo, but let's call it goodwill, optimistically"

I'm gonna write a paper establishing a Dipshit Threshold, the exact goodwill-to-asset ratio that, once crossed, signals that everyone at the top of the firm is too dumb to right the ship.

# ? Jul 4, 2015 06:10

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud: Apr 7, 2003

syscall girl posted:

i had a nerdy hs associate who went there

he was a bunk bed masturbator with yellow fever, about your height

saw him showing of his waifu and computer engineering degree a few years back

sounds like the place to go

I know three local dudes IRL who went to CMU

THey all have tech support jobs

# ? Jul 4, 2015 06:18

syscall girl: Nov 7, 2009; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

Citizen Tayne posted:

I know three local dudes IRL who went to CMU

THey all have tech support jobs

i hope they had scholarships and that the people who doled them out are kicking themselves, else

# ? Jul 4, 2015 06:30

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud: Apr 7, 2003

syscall girl posted:

i hope they had scholarships and that the people who doled them out are kicking themselves, else

I really feel like poo poo thinking about it, to be honest.

# ? Jul 4, 2015 06:32

atomicthumbs: Dec 26, 2010; We're in the business of extending man's senses.

I'm going to go to art school, get my art degree, have almost no student loans, and come out with a net zero re: my financial and job prospects.

# ? Jul 4, 2015 07:17

atomicthumbs: Dec 26, 2010; We're in the business of extending man's senses.

The upside of that: maybe I'll get grants someday, or someone will pay me for something I make for some reason.

# ? Jul 4, 2015 07:17

atomicthumbs: Dec 26, 2010; We're in the business of extending man's senses.

What the heck am I doin'

# ? Jul 4, 2015 07:18

carry on then: Jul 10, 2010; by VideoGames
(and can't post for 10 years!)

atomicthumbs posted:

What the heck am I doin'

funy computre

# ? Jul 4, 2015 07:18

syscall girl: Nov 7, 2009; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

atomicthumbs posted:

What the heck am I doin'

mario sex party for the wii xxx?

# ? Jul 4, 2015 07:19

syscall girl: Nov 7, 2009; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

there shall be no next gen consoles except that that they be for wizard gently caress

# ? Jul 4, 2015 07:20

atomicthumbs: Dec 26, 2010; We're in the business of extending man's senses.

carry on then posted:

funy computre

i guess i'll continue on my project of gettin' this amiga 2500 working so i can build a video toaster for arts

# ? Jul 4, 2015 07:22

atomicthumbs: Dec 26, 2010; We're in the business of extending man's senses.

what the hell this isn't the c[j|l]s thread

# ? Jul 4, 2015 07:24

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

fail

# ? Jul 4, 2015 07:26

Cold on a Cob: Feb 6, 2006; i've seen so much, i'm going blind
and i'm brain dead virtually; College Slice

Smythe posted:

fail

# ? Jul 4, 2015 17:30

Chill Callahan: Nov 14, 2012

eschaton posted:

Pando has a great article on Zappos and Holocracy if you're a subscriber

they literally have something called �mandatory weekly team fun�

somebody unlock this for me thank

# ? Jul 4, 2015 17:38

eschaton: Mar 7, 2007; Don't you just hate when you wind up in a store with people who are in a socioeconomic class that is pretty obviously about two levels lower than your own?

Anime Sandwich posted:

somebody unlock this for me thank

someone did

# ? Jul 4, 2015 17:43

Pinterest Mom: Jun 9, 2009

lol

quote:

So here are 11 things from the Zappos all-hands meeting that you probably won�t see at any other company�s staff gathering.

1. A mating call contest
As guests arrived at the meeting, an employee calling himself �Jungle Jim� asked them to identify animal noises for $25 Zappos gift cards. When someone got a tough one quickly, he exclaimed, �Oh my god, it is a zebra, how the hell did you know that?�

2. An opening number with employees in homemade animal costumes
The whole meeting had a safari theme, and it kicked off with a performance of �The Circle of Life,� the opening song from The Lion King, performed by the company�s choir�one of many groups of employees with shared interests, or �passions� in Zappos-speak.

�What�s really super cool about all hands is it�s really put on by our employees,� Hooper said. �Backstage we have hair and makeup being done by employees who are passionate about that. At the happy hour our DJ is usually an in-house DJ who is passionate about that.�

3. The C.T.O., sucking his thumb, in a loincloth
And nothing else. Remember how �The Circle of Life� ends with the presentation of Simba, the lion cub? That was chief technology officer Arun Rajan. Hsieh was the proud parent.

4. Ragging on an executive�s facial hair growth
During the Q&A session, one employee asked if one of the male executives was not participating in Movember�where men grow facial hair to raise awareness and money for men�s health issues�because he �can�t grow a real mustache.� He confirmed that was the case. (Other employees asked about stock grants, parking security, and marketing strategy.)

5. An employee eating worms
After a 12-minute break, Jungle Jim picked five volunteers to see who could be the first to swallow a bowl of 10 mealworms to win a $250 Zappos gift card. The winner lifted the bowl to her mouth with no hesitation but looked a little surprised by something as she tried to get them down.

6. An employee�s before-and-after weight-loss photos
This was part of a talk about the life coach Zappos keeps on staff to work with employees on personal goals.

7. An employee in cheetah print underwear over pajamas putting her arm in a box of tarantulas
Another contest. Another $250 gift card.

8. The C.E.O. punching Kanye West
Just three days before the meeting, the hip-hop star and fledgling fashion designer made some colorful remarks about the quality of Zappos products. The company responded with a joke product page that got a positive reaction and boosted Zappos Web traffic by 43 percent the day it was posted. In a skit during the meeting, Hsieh and an employee were performing a Taylor Swift song when another staffer interrupted them with �Imma let you finish��West�s famous MTV V.M.A. outburst�and Hsieh threw a fake punch at the Kanye impersonator. The crowd went wild.

9. Free DNA testing
The meeting had three guest speakers booked by Jamie Naughton, who oversees employee events as part of various human resources and company culture-related duties in her role as �speaker of the house.� Heath spoke about ideas from his book Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard (written with his brother, Dan). Sir Ken Robinson, whose TED Talk is the most viewed in TED history, with more than 20 million views, got laughs during a 40-minute talk about tenets from his book Losing Our Minds: Learning to Be Creative.

The most unusual talk was a presentation from Emily Drabant Conley of 23andMe, the genetic testing company that allows consumers to send away a tube of spit and get detailed information about their ancestry and health risks. After some pretty heartwarming tales of reunited relatives and averted medical problems, Hsieh joined Conley to announce that all Zappos would receive 23andMe�s $99 service for free.

10. An employee lying in a plastic box with tarantulas crawling over her
The final $250 gift card challenge.

11. Two managers dressed as Christmas elves�who don�t even get a reaction to from the audience
That�s just what you wear at Zappos to talk about how all employees�executives included�are required to man the phones for a few hours during the busy holiday season. That doesn�t get a laugh.

# ? Jul 4, 2015 17:53

fritz: Jul 26, 2003

Sniep posted:

well hey if you're an underachiever that's probably pretty good money if you consistently show up on time and sober

showing up on time and sober is a good way to not be an underachiever

# ? Jul 4, 2015 18:17

Nintendo Kid: Aug 4, 2011; by Smythe

at the date posted:

Like goddamn, make a pros and cons list like they taught you in gradeschool.

Real Name TOS Pros:

1. limits repulsive speech through public shaming
2. limits harassment by anonymous users

it doesn't limit poo poo because morons keep censoring out the names when they take screenshots

# ? Jul 4, 2015 19:06

poty: Jun 21, 2008; 虹はどこで終わるのですか？あなたの魂の中で、または地平線で?

Pinterest Mom posted:

lol

this is what i imagine hell is like

# ? Jul 4, 2015 19:07

atomicthumbs: Dec 26, 2010; We're in the business of extending man's senses.

https://www.brandwatch.com/2014/04/not-so-weird-twitter-when-surreal-beats-sincere/

# ? Jul 4, 2015 19:37

Chill Callahan: Nov 14, 2012

eschaton posted:

someone did

thank u

# ? Jul 4, 2015 20:36

DONT THREAD ON ME: Oct 1, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo; Floss Finder

eschaton posted:

someone did

thank you tyler riggs

# ? Jul 4, 2015 20:39

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

long article......

# ? Jul 4, 2015 20:57

Progressive JPEG: Feb 19, 2003

MALE SHOEGAZE posted:

thank you tyler riggs

# ? Jul 4, 2015 20:58

FAT32 SHAMER: Aug 16, 2012

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

the crash rating alone makes them worth it

From a while back but an AI regular just posted this

fjelltorsk posted:

So, i havent posted i a few days. needed to get my head sorted out. Me and the twin boys was in a fairly brutal car accident a little week ago. I was driving around a bend on a fairly narrow two lane road when i was faced with a semi in the opposite lane and an overtaking wanker in an audi in my lane. With a K barrier on my right and 50 tonnes of truck on the left i had nowhere to go. On of the boys broke his forearm and cracked some ribs, the other little dude was fine. I myself broke my nose and got some burns and cuts to the face from the airbags and shrapnel from the fuckers car. One of the occupants in the other car was entrapped and is probably never walking again. being a parent sucks when you are in an accident involving your kids. i have been struggeling with this feeling of guilt every time i see my boys, and i wake up at night in terror from dreaming about what the outcome could have been.

anyways, the tesla is totalled, the safety equipment worked flawlessly and i was able to knock another stanced audi of the planet.

now to figure out what car to get, if i stick with tesla or go with something cheaper or go for max fun.

its sunny out, my wife will kill me if i ride my bike.. but her being violent turns me on so...

fjelltorsk posted:

I might be slightly biased against the worthless douchnozzle, but it would be a bad choice 10/10 times. it was a blind left hander for him with poor viz due to trees and bushes. on a narrow road i consider overtaking in a blind turn pretty stupid.

The doctors commented on me having to stop running the doors down, and a friend of the wife told me that i had misunderstood how munchausen syndrom works. seeing my kid being rolled into a trauma bay might have hampered my sense of humour tho.

Car forums stuff.

the wait for another tesla is 6 months, we just recently swapped our nr 2 car to a used nissan leaf. this car is to small for family duty so i need something bigger. what to choose folks? 5 series, landcruiser or a merc or something...

edit: should i take the fact that this thing is for sale the same week as i total my car as an omen? http://www.finn.no/finn/car/used/object?finnkode=56978784&searchclickthrough=true

# ? Jul 4, 2015 20:59

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

Tusen Takk posted:

From a while back but an AI regular just posted this

so wait he and his kids survived a head-on collision in a tesla w/ only minor injuries? jfc that's outstanding

# ? Jul 4, 2015 21:09

crusader_complex: Jun 4, 2012

im haunted nightly by images of my family juxtaposed with twisted metal and smoke...

anyhoo, should i cop the lambo or no?

# ? Jul 4, 2015 21:32

JumpinJackFlash: Nov 15, 2001

eschaton posted:

Pando has a great article on Zappos and Holocracy if you're a subscriber

they literally have something called �mandatory weekly team fun�

don't forget the part about hiring the bum fights guy to do security and human skulls from Thailand

# ? Jul 4, 2015 21:41

FAT32 SHAMER: Aug 16, 2012

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

so wait he and his kids survived a head-on collision in a tesla w/ only minor injuries? jfc that's outstanding

Yeah, it's loving nuts

I'm eagerly awaiting the pictures of the wreck because holy poo poo that's amazing

# ? Jul 4, 2015 21:55

ultramiraculous: Nov 12, 2003; "No..."; Grimey Drawer

eschaton posted:

someone did

jesus

there's multiple available steps between "hey there's some organizational friction making it hard to push changes" and "tear it all down".

# ? Jul 5, 2015 00:40

MeruFM: Jul 27, 2010

I've had multiple nightmares of that exact scenario. That or the car stalling on an incline and hitting a rock. In dream world, they're both equally horrifying for some reason.

but lol at the lambo edit

# ? Jul 5, 2015 00:46

kitten emergency: Jan 13, 2008; get meow this wack-ass crystal prison

hololacracy

# ? Jul 5, 2015 04:07

Progressive JPEG: Feb 19, 2003

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

so wait he and his kids survived a head-on collision in a tesla w/ only minor injuries? jfc that's outstanding

# ? Jul 5, 2015 04:57

Progressive JPEG: Feb 19, 2003

MALE SHOEGAZE posted:

thank you tyler riggs

to reiterate this article is a really good read

# ? Jul 5, 2015 04:58

Progressive JPEG: Feb 19, 2003

MeruFM posted:

I've had multiple nightmares of that exact scenario. That or the car stalling on an incline and hitting a rock. In dream world, they're both equally horrifying for some reason.

but lol at the lambo edit

i have dreams of the brakes not working

i grew up with driving my parents' dodge minivan so it may just be a result of that

# ? Jul 5, 2015 05:00

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# ? May 22, 2024 03:40

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud: Apr 7, 2003

Tusen Takk posted:

From a while back but an AI regular just posted this

lol when did cars stop being "dropped" and start being "stanced"

# ? Jul 5, 2015 05:08

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > tech bubble: Make someone ugly cry. Adobe can help.

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