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CrazySalamander posted:... My soul did before I threw it all out and made another batch
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Jul 10, 2015 04:25
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Oh my god I misread that as "my son". Still, don't leave poo poo out overnight, it really does kill people.
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Jul 10, 2015 04:28
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Pooncha posted:Don't put salt in orange soda because you wanted a sweeter fix and didn't realize it wasn't sugar. I am guilty of all manner of food horrors in the name of personal taste, so I'm not judging, but: am I reading this correctly that you wanted to add sugar to orange soda?
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Jul 10, 2015 05:26
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JacquelineDempsey posted:I am guilty of all manner of food horrors in the name of personal taste, so I'm not judging, but: am I reading this correctly that you wanted to add sugar to orange soda? I'm hoping, hoping that it was a homemade orange soda that wasn't sufficiently sweetened or something, versus adding sugar to commercially available orange soda, which is already one of the sweetest fuckin' things you can buy.
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Jul 10, 2015 15:14
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CrazySalamander posted:Oh my god I misread that as "my son". Still, don't leave poo poo out overnight, it really does kill people. When I lived in Nebraska my favorite thing to do was put a giant pot of soup (with a lid of course) on the patio in winter overnight. Was actually probably safer than the fridge or freezer as it was able to cool it faster than a fridge.
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Jul 10, 2015 16:00
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When you can use "all of Earth's atmosphere" or even "the background radiation of the universe at 3K" (on a clear night) as your heat sink, it's a great idea to cool or freeze stuff outdoors in winter. In summer, I'm surprised you didn't mention the insects that must have been in there.
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Jul 10, 2015 23:58
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NVM
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Jul 11, 2015 02:34
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pumpinglemma posted:I can't even see how to do the second one without either lighting the pasta on fire by hand or only adding the water after the pasta has already caught. Either that or the other one where she just forgets about her pasta or rice until the water has boiled away and the pot has to be taken outside and shot.
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Jul 12, 2015 21:52
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The Midniter posted:I'm hoping, hoping that it was a homemade orange soda that wasn't sufficiently sweetened or something, versus adding sugar to commercially available orange soda, which is already one of the sweetest fuckin' things you can buy. You hoped correctly. A batch of orange soda ruined.  To be fair, I was little at that time and operated under the principle of "more sugar = GOOD" so that may have a hand in it.
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Jul 13, 2015 02:59
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A couple of weeks ago while having dinner guests, I cocked up the recipe for pizza dough. The pizza dough was two inches thick when done. Usually when i make it it's near paper thin, so naturally I had a really thin layer of sauce and toppings, and it wound up tasting nothing but bread.
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Jul 25, 2015 20:40
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Schnugaf posted:A couple of weeks ago while having dinner guests, I cocked up the recipe for pizza dough. The pizza dough was two inches thick when done. Usually when i make it it's near paper thin, so naturally I had a really thin layer of sauce and toppings, and it wound up tasting nothing but bread. Congratulations, you succeeded in making focaccia! kinda
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Jul 26, 2015 02:33
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I did that a few times when I didn't keep track of timing for my dough. Cooked sauces helped it not just be tomato flavored bread
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Jul 26, 2015 21:48
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I left a ziplock bag of vizzled chicken on the counter and went to take a shower. Came back to the cat licking the floor and chicken juice splatter all over the kitchen. Turns out knockoff ziplock seals aren't reliable.
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Aug 1, 2015 22:07
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I made chicken stock over the weekend in my brand new giant stock pot. I somehow managed to add way too many fresh herbs, which added enough chlorophyll to turn it this hideous blackish-green color. Now I have two and a half gallons of swamp water that tastes like chicken stock. My polenta is going to look like baby poop.
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Aug 3, 2015 18:12
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I used to make a bean salad using canned kidney beans, 2 other kind of beans and a bunch of other junk from the fridge. Decided the one time that I could just soak some kidney beans, boil them and add them to the other beans instead of spending extra money buying a can. My ex asked if he could make it since he was impatient and swore he knew how to make it from watching me several times before. He comes back a while later with a bowl of it and starts eating, loudly exclaiming that it tasted terrible and had the wrong texture. Turns out he didn't boil the kidney beans and was eating them raw. I tell him to stop and throw it all out but he kept loving eating it. Ended up finishing the bowl while I yelled variations of "you're a loving idiot stop eating that right now oh my god are you loving retarded" the entire time. It was a good 10 minutes of me screaming abuse at him while he chomped away with this big ol' sour frown on his face. The kicker is he tells everyone this as "the time I made really bad bean salad and forced him to eat it and he felt sick for days" rather than the truth. And that's why he's my ex.
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Aug 4, 2015 07:20
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Was beat last night after work and just wanted some simple linguine sprinkled with butter, parm, and black pepper to fill my belly before sacking out. Put water on to boil, go 4 feet away into the adjacent garage to have a cigarette. Suddenly something smells like burning, and it's not my cigarette. I go back to the kitchen and see a thin trail of smoke coming up from under the pot on the burner. Guess I something dripped on there last time I cooked; okay, keep an eye on it, it should just burn off, right? Suddenly the entire burner drip pan erupts into flame. Cover it with a pot lid, no joy (in hindsight: duh, it's still getting air from underneath). I'm tired and panicking and can't find the loving baking soda. Fortunately had a box of kosher salt right there from salting the pasta water, so I dumped it all over. It put the fire out, but the heat starts making the salt crack and jump like popcorn, so the pot lid goes back on. Immediate problem solved, but to add insult to stove injury, turns out my exhaust fan (which I haven't used in quite some time) isn't working. So I stand there fruitlessly trying to wave smoke out the window while listening to the "tink! tink!" of salt crystals bouncing like Mexican jumping beans off the pot lid. Kids, don't be like me: clean your drip pans on the reg, and have a box of baking soda right by your stove. Smutbeast: got a chuckle from your story, and now have a hankering for bean salad. It's 92 degrees where I'm at (so a nice chilly salad sounds good), I have many cans of beans, and this does not require a stove.
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Aug 4, 2015 14:34
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Found this photo making the rounds; I have no idea what they were trying to cook or how particularly it went wrong....
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Aug 25, 2015 07:30
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I call bs, where is the food shrapnel?
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Aug 25, 2015 07:56
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Maybe the idiot thought you have to pre-heat it/only had water inside, though it looks like there's gunk next to the hood filter. and some off-white speckles on the ceiling. And all over the oven display. Mister Facetious fucked around with this message at 08:01 on Aug 25, 2015 |
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Aug 25, 2015 07:58
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ColHannibal posted:I call bs, where is the food shrapnel? Mister Macys posted:Maybe the idiot thought you have to pre-heat it/only had water inside, though it looks like there's gunk next to the hood filter. and some off-white speckles on the ceiling. It's all over the ceiling, you can see the only place food didn't spray as a white stripe above the cabinets. Zoom in and you can also see debris over most surfaces. This is a great picture. :-)
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Aug 25, 2015 13:59
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Doesn't look like Boston to me, I call fake.
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Aug 25, 2015 14:06
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It was a nice weekend out so I decided to light up the grill and make some Brats. Everything was going to plan until I attempted to bring the Brats back into the house. My bulldog was chilling in the living room and suddenly ran up and head butted my knee just as I cleared the door way. All but one brat slid off the platter and landed on the floor.
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Aug 25, 2015 15:42
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Smart dog.
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Aug 25, 2015 16:24
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We had some friends stay for a couple of weeks and one night Dad and I weren't allowed to cook. They would do roast chicken. SO: 8 people, 8lb bird, nope, make that 2 4lb birds so we are all thinking along the lines of dinner is at 8 so two mini birds should be around the 1hr40 -2 hr mark with our weird oven. Wander into the kitchen at 4 and witness birds being put into the oven at 220C... What the hell? Answer from cook: But I am cooking two birds at the same time so they need twice as long.  Dad & I requisitioned the kitchen at that point and took over. Better, the next weekend when I was roasting a monster Gammon joint she came in and tried to a) not let me rest it, b) turn temperature up to 200C from 150C, c) cook it for twice as long
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Aug 26, 2015 12:46
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hjp766's post reminded me of another fiasco at my infamous in-law's. When I made a(n aforementioned) roast, I loosely covered it with foil and left it to sit on the counter to rest. Leave the kitchen to let myself rest for a few, come back in to find my extremely well-meaning but absolutely clueless grandmother sopping up the juices with a bunch of paper towels. No gravy for us.
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Aug 28, 2015 09:49
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I didn't know there were grandmothers who didn't know how to make gravy.
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Aug 28, 2015 20:52
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CrazySalamander posted:I didn't know there were grandmothers who didn't know how to make gravy. My grandmother makes gravy from a packet, and stuffing from a box. She has as long as I can remember. Thanksgiving never meant good food to me...
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Aug 29, 2015 01:20
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My grandma's gravy was always from scratch, but really loving salty. I believe her cooking has something to do with my love of all things salty. My other grandma made Italian gravy. I never tried it myself, but I hear it's not good. Probably had something to do with sitting cold on the stove all day before being cooked an hour before dinner.
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Aug 29, 2015 01:30
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My Arian youth grandmother's idea of matzo ball soup she used to make my grandfather was equivalent to a soggy balled up piece of wonder bread floating in water and oil. Not everybody is blessed with a grandmother who can cook.
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Aug 29, 2015 03:29
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ColHannibal posted:My Arian youth grandmother ColHannibal posted:matzo ball soup You might have to unpack this a little.
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Aug 29, 2015 18:37
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Dogfish posted:You might have to unpack this a little. Maybe it was an intentional mockery of a soup
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Aug 29, 2015 18:46
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Matzo balls made with the fat of real judenschweiden
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Aug 29, 2015 18:55
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Dogfish posted:You might have to unpack this a little. Been reading the Roman History thread, and I admit that this was my first thought: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arianism
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Aug 29, 2015 19:58
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Dogfish posted:You might have to unpack this a little. Naw it's pretty simple, Grandma was a Nazi, Grandpa was Jewish.
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Aug 29, 2015 22:22
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My life is a sitcom too
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Aug 29, 2015 22:26
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Pre-emptively posting here in case this becomes my last words. I'm grilling some basic grocery-store sausages, and the internet has been extremely unhelpful in answering a simple (sounding) question: how long? I get lots and lots of "internal temperature 160 F" which is clearly just basic CYA boilerplate, and nothing more than "low and slow" without details. I don't have a meat thermometer, so I'm just gonna cut one in half after they look done-ish and hope for the best. 
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Aug 30, 2015 02:43
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I have eaten three week old pork before you'll be fine you big baby
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Aug 30, 2015 03:00
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ExecuDork posted:Pre-emptively posting here in case this becomes my last words. Internal temperature is really the best way of gauging doneness. Otherwise, you can poke them with a fork or give them a quick squeeze. I'd ask in the GWS General Questions thread, though.
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Aug 30, 2015 03:04
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ExecuDork posted:Pre-emptively posting here in case this becomes my last words. If its grocery store brats or sausages please don't throw them raw on a grill. the fat will flare up and you will have charcoal that is full of raw pork. Get some cheap beer and some chopped onions, boil your brats in the beer and onion mixture then finish them on the grill.
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Aug 30, 2015 04:25
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I lived! And they were pretty drat tasty, actually. I'm sure I'll find another way to gamble with food disiasters this week. Sorry for crapping up the thread with a non-story.
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Aug 31, 2015 05:00
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