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We got a cleaning lady to come to our house starting within a month of our son being born. Best money we've spent. Edit: and you are crazy. Let the housework fights go, when the kid is 4+ there will be plenty of time for housework. Cleaning with a baby or toddler is hard.
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Jul 26, 2015 13:01
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His Divine Shadow posted:Well, this is a normal situation and nothing abnormal that either of you should feel bad about it. It's a phase that's part & parcel of having kids. I dunno but recognizing this is just a (temporary) fact of life that everyone with a family has to go through, has made things relatively easy for us. Just acknowledging that this is our situation, but we shouldn't feel bad about it, I mean, we got a kid, what'd we expect? Yeah we definitely are aware of it and its pretty much what helps it not ever lead to a fight.
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Jul 26, 2015 14:58
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I find being a SAHM really tough and I'm not doing it again. We're planning on having another in a few years, but my husband will take most of the parental leave. I can keep up with the kitchen, and I can usually fold the laundry before our drawers are empty, but vacuuming and mopping ha ha ha what are those. We take time together to tidy up if anyone is coming over, and no one judges us for anything we've missed because hey, baby! I can't imagine how lovely I'd feel if my husband was on my case to keep the house spotless, I feel bad enough at this as is. The baby's one nap a day is my sanity break. I'm back at work next week and I'm really looking forward to it! People keep telling me that I'm going to miss this time, but no. No. I love my son, but I've been teetering on the edge of depression for the past year. It's so draining. It took me about thirty minutes to write this post because: my 11mo son climbed on the couch and nearly fell off because he forgets there is an edge; then he fetched a book, climbed into my lap, and waved it in my face until I read it to him twice; then he crawled across the room, climbed onto the other couch, and danced until he fell over; then he slid off and played with his toys for thirty seconds until I thought it safe to look at my phone again, in which case he came over to try steal it.... etc, etc, etc. It never ends.
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Jul 26, 2015 16:08
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When my husband and I talked about getting married and having kids, I decided to approach my job as a SAHM as I would any other job. The house and the kid were my responsibility while my husband was at work, and once he got home from work we split everything 50/50. So he handles the nighttime routine (bath and bedtime) while I clean up from dinner. We split diaper duty. And we know our lives are different now, but once the kids get bigger you will have more to talk about. And you will have independent little boogers who can talk and help and participate in your world. It can suck right now, and resentment and missed expectations may linger and fester and boil over sometimes, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The kid will eventually be in school, you will eventually get some sense of your old life back, and hopefully you will have an awesome loving family to share everything with.
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Jul 26, 2015 16:52
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I don't read it as him expecting a spotless house, just that she do some chores - he goes to work somewhere else, her job is to be a SAHM, they should both take part in the daily chores that need doing. The whole getting some time alone/breastfeeding issue depends a lot on how old the kid is, so it's hard to advice on that, but yeah, pumping takes a lot of time and is hard to combine with a mobile baby. But I 100 % second the fact that babies/toddlers behave differently with different people. It's much easier for my husband to mind our daughter and get things done at the same time, because she's much less clingy and attention-seeking with him, whereas if she's slept poorly or is just having a bad day, cooking dinner is a nightmare for me, because she'll demand to be held or be nearby me ALL THE TIME, and one-handed cooking while trying to keep a two year old from grabbing something hot or sharp is drat hard. But again, depending on the age, involving toddlers in chores is awesome - yes, everything goes much slower, but things get done, and your kid learns important lessons of helping out and contributing to the family. Interactions with children don't have to be totally kid-centric to be entertaining and fun for them. But yeah, the first year or so is super hard. It's easy to loose your couple-ness and just become bone-weary sleepdeprived parents, and that breeds bickering, short tempers and frustration. But try to cut each other some slack, and sit down and have a big talk about what your mutual expectations are, and try to find compromises where you can. And for the love of god get some alonetime. Unless your kid is an infant, there will be a couple of hours during the day where boobs are not required for sustenance - get a sitter to watch the kid, and go do whatever. Don't make big plans, expecting an amazing romantic lovefest, just hang out somewhere without the kid  And it will get better, it really will.
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Jul 26, 2015 22:00
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Sockmuppet posted:I don't read it as him expecting a spotless house, just that she do some chores - he goes to work somewhere else, her job is to be a SAHM, they should both take part in the daily chores that need doing. This is exactly what I'm saying. We both work hard, but right now I'm having to do nearly all the housework. It's not unreasonable to ask that when you've used some dishes, you put them in the sink, or if you leave clothes on the floor, you put them away. I'm not asking her to clean the drat windows.
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Jul 27, 2015 00:45
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CelestialScribe posted:This is exactly what I'm saying. We both work hard, but right now I'm having to do nearly all the housework. Even those small things can seem monumental when she's the SAHM dude.
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Jul 27, 2015 01:15
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I have a 3 month old, and personally I feel that when I get a break during a nap or finally get to relax at the end of the day, usually the last thing I'm going to prioritize is housework. I try to make sure the dishes are done and there's not washing everywhere(on a good day these will happen), and anything past that can wait until I'm in the mood. Or until the weekend when dad is there and we're sharing the baby care. Who looks after the kid when you get home? Is she getting up at night too? These things add up. Why should she spend what little free time she has cleaning? How important is it really? If it's that important, hire a cleaner once in a while. Or a babysitter. Big Bug Hug fucked around with this message at 01:40 on Jul 27, 2015 |
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Jul 27, 2015 01:38
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Papercut posted:You're crazy if you let something like that ruin your relationship. Just let it go. BonoMan posted:Even those small things can seem monumental when she's the SAHM dude. From my own perspective, I am working right now and know what it's like to be on that side of the equation, but I also spent a month at home primarily taking care of the baby and then a month at home taking care of my baby AND the wife, which thankfully I got off work. If I had to do 90% of the housework on top of my actual work, now, that would be way worse than even being a combined stay-at-home-dad-medical-caregiver was. Now I work while she stays home, and we've figured out a way to divide the work that keeps us both sane, and when we inevitably fall behind we get help because once your behind the stress gets even worse. If his wife can't handle the stress, and he's building up resentment over her inability to cope with the workload because he has to shoulder the responsibilities, the solution isn't "get over it", it's "work on a plan" with a generous helping of "and get help". For my own part, having a messy house with things piling up was the absolute loving worst part of taking care of the two of them. Nothing stressed me out more... and by extension, left me exhausted and less productive. Getting someone to come in once a week to work on the house while I devoted my full attention to the wife/baby/myself was absolutely crucial to my being able to believe I could actually keep up the rest of the week.
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Jul 27, 2015 01:42
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GlyphGryph posted:This reads like "Ignore an on-going problem that's obviously straining the relationship". Letting it go instead of trying to address it is what will ruin the relationship. Well of course the solution is to work on it together, but that means he needs to get some perspective on what he's getting irritated over. He seems to think trivial tasks remain trivial, which is not the case.
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Jul 27, 2015 01:52
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GlyphGryph posted:This reads like "Ignore an on-going problem that's obviously straining the relationship". Letting it go instead of trying to address it is what will ruin the relationship. There's nothing about my posts that imply he should just ignore his problems. But from an emotional perspective, he's absolutely hosed if he lets trivial poo poo like the dishes cause serious problems instead of saving that energy for important things like finances, parental philosophy, housing, school, etc. The solution is express yourself, listen to your spouse's perspective, and then get the gently caress over it. CelestialScribe posted:This is exactly what I'm saying. We both work hard, but right now I'm having to do nearly all the housework. Perhaps people got confused because you implied that she should have the kitchen clean, vacuuming, sweeping, and mopping done (  to that), laundry, and the dishes done by the time you get home. It was an extremely unreasonable position.
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Jul 27, 2015 02:28
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Yeah sorry, I didn't mean to imply that. I was just saying that if I can get a shitload of work done at the same time as looking after a kid, I don't think it's unreasonable to pick up a few dishes or some clothes during the day. Nothing huge.
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Jul 27, 2015 02:34
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CelestialScribe posted:Yeah sorry, I didn't mean to imply that. I was just saying that if I can get a shitload of work done at the same time as looking after a kid, I don't think it's unreasonable to pick up a few dishes or some clothes during the day. Nothing huge. Ignore anything that sounds 'small to you' and gain some perspective, dude. See:last page of replies. Maybe help her with these things because she is already busy and stressed enough taking care of your spawn. Your stress over nothing huge is just going to build for both of you. poo poo ain't easy. If you care about these things do them yourself or give her at least an entire evening to both relax without taking care of the kid and also get that small poo poo done. Taking care of a kid is a fulltime job with zero breaks. You'd be surprised how hard it is for your wife to even get a bathroom break or have lunch when you can't totally let your kid out of your sight.
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Jul 27, 2015 03:14
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CelestialScribe posted:Yeah sorry, I didn't mean to imply that. I was just saying that if I can get a shitload of work done at the same time as looking after a kid, I don't think it's unreasonable to pick up a few dishes or some clothes during the day. Nothing huge. This could have been written by my husband a couple years ago. (If you ever say this to your wife, it will make her feel like absolute poo poo, BTW. Ditto for any sort of sentiments about things she could be getting done during her "free time" when the baby is asleep.) Of course he could get a shitload of work done at the same time as looking after the kids. It was a break from his regular office gig--it broke from his routine, and we all love a break from our routine, so he was all over it. If that was the reality of your entire existence, if that was what you woke up to every single day, cleaning and kid(s), you'd change your tune after a bit. No adults, no mental stimulation, no appreciation, no nothing. Cleaning and baby and house. No one wants to be defined by doing the same menial poo poo day in and day out, and for a SAHM, that can become the reality. Picking up the same goddamned stuff 10x a day, every single day, gets draining. Nothing's huge when you're on the outside looking in, but poo poo is way different on the inside looking out. I recommend a very sympathetic, heart to heart with your wife, where you don't at all talk about what she's doing (or not doing), but where you ask how she's doing. Ask her how she feels, and how she feels during the day, how she's adjusting to being home. And really listen to what she says. Remember this: She used to work and have a normal adult life, like the one you're still enjoying from 9-5, except hers has been completely upended. How would you feel? Being a SAHM is tough. Sometimes, it can be really tough. I especially love hearing "At least you don't have a job" or "It's not like you have a job" or, in response to idle chit chat about my day's worth of errands and cleaning "Must be nice to have rich people problems; you can afford to be at home after all." "Time away from what? It's not like you work or anything." It's all so degrading, and even if your partner isn't the one lobbing the jabs, the mentality is so pervasive, it eats at the back of your mind. Also, being home is draining. It's this closed off land of servitude that you are supposed to just LOVE; it's supposed to be this privilege with rainbow making GBS threads unicorns all the time because you're home with your precious child[ren]. Couple that with the self loathing that comes with the realization that you feel so dehumanized and depressed because of the very family you really do love more than anything. And maybe it is a privilege and you're just wrong to feel so depressed about cleaning the loving kitchen again. If you're not loving your SAHM privilege 110%, you're just wrong. You're depressed, and you're wrong for feeling depressed, which makes you more depressed. It's a big depressive, negative feedback loop. I used to count how many contiguous days it had been since someone, anyone, had called me by my actual name. (In the presence of the kids, we call each other Mom and Dad.) Or how many months it had been since I'd been out to eat, anywhere, sans child--eleven was the record. How nice it used to be to have a job where you were respected as an adult human being; where your time had value. Where you had vacation days, and could go to the bathroom alone. Where you worked actual hours, and your worked stopped at a certain time. Because now, remember, it's not like you have a job.  What do you have to take a break from after dinner? You didn't go to work all day. You just live where you work, and work where you live, and there's no distinguishing the two. Maybe I don't want to spend my "free time" without the kids catching up on laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, the kitchen, the litter box, etc... Maybe I'd like to do something...fun? for an hour. SAHMs are still people; not live in nannies and maids rolled into one. They're still a person, and they're your partner, not an employee of your household. This is their life. I used to strongly think about leaving for a few days, no warning. Pull some cash, turn off the phone, and hide for a weekend. When I was working through this, I told my husband this and he was surprised and said that I should just speak up, and he'd let me have time to myself. But I had to explain, he didn't understand; I didn't want to "ask" for time off, like an employee; I wanted to leave specifically without warning as a punitive measure. Because I was that low, and feeling that taken for granted and empty. It gets better. Encourage her to speak up for herself, and do something without the kids. No money? A walk around the block is free, and makes you feel better. So depressed you can't even remember if you ever even used to like to do anything? Been there. Find something that at least sounds mostly not terrible, and just do it. Force yourself to go; fake it till you make it. And if lifestyle changes aren't getting you there, there's no shame in turning to medical help. Better living through chemistry! Nothing to talk about over dinner, since your day was all about cleaning toilets, running laundry, going to the store, and basking in the glow of your kids Kids get older, you sleep better, you get a better grip, and it gets better. (My kids are 4 and 7.) Some lifestyle changes, some honest talks, some changes in communication styles, and things get much better.
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Jul 27, 2015 03:15
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notwithoutmyanus posted:If you care about these things do them yourself or give her at least an entire evening to both relax without taking care of the kid and also get that small poo poo done ..I do. Every night. Every night I come home, she takes a nap, and I look after him and do the kitchen, all the dishes, take care of the laundry, sweep, start dinner, etc. She goes to the gym. I do all the housework by myself. Most of Saturday and Sunday is me both taking care of our kid AND cleaning. All I'm asking is for poo poo like, "move two plates from the coffee table three metres to the kitchen bench". That isn't hard. Good advice from everyone here. Need to sit down and come up with some sort of plan. CelestialScribe fucked around with this message at 03:36 on Jul 27, 2015 |
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Jul 27, 2015 03:32
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CelestialScribe posted:Nothing huge. SAHM here. Anything can become huge when there's a baby constantly wanting to be held and nursed and kept safe ALL DAY. And constantly feeling like you're failing at a task when you just did today what you did yesterday can be depressing. "The baby's fine, he was fussy but we managed to read a book and get to the library today but I forgot to clear the lunch dishes again before I got so tired I nursed him and he fell asleep on me then I never got around to it I'm a horrible housekeeper oh well I'm exhausted, but I have no right to be why can't I get anything done, and why do I feel depressed when I get to stay home with a happy healthy baby?" Is frequently how I feel by the time my hubby comes home. What helps keep us sane with a 3-yr and 10-mo old is one night a week one of us gets the kids for at least a couple hours while the other takes off and gets a break. This can happen when nursing without pumping - especially at this point. Either time it between feedings or give him one feeding of applesauce or something - it won't kill supply or desire for milk. These days a trip to Target by myself can be so relaxing, though we usually use the time for an organized group meeting (choir practice or D&D). Inversely, taking turns over the weekend getting the kids out of the house while the other parent does a chore or project in the house is turning out to be a great idea too. We're lucky enough to have a set of grandparents in town, I can't imagine never getting away together as a couple, even for a few hours. Don't feel bad about just using a sitter for a few hours. If you're not comfortable with a teen then see if someone who's grandbabies are not in town wants to sit for a while! They might not even charge you much! It's hard to not have any network to fall back on, but it's also very normal to feel that way. Church helps us fill in the gaps - it's the only way we'd be in touch with teens to mow our lawn every now and then and parents of teens with mini vans to give us a ride to the airport!
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Jul 27, 2015 03:38
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CelestialScribe posted:Good advice from everyone here. Need to sit down and come up with some sort of plan. Does she have post-partum depression? Is it possible she is dealing with a mental health issue?
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Jul 27, 2015 03:48
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I honestly thought I'd hear a different reaction here. All of the SAHMs I know in real life are of the belief that they should do at least *something* to contribute to housework. Obviously, poo poo happens and sometimes things can't be done. That's life. But I don't know, I just don't think an attitude of, "the husband should work and also do 100% of the housework" is helpful either.
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Jul 27, 2015 03:49
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VorpalBunny posted:Does she have post-partum depression? Is it possible she is dealing with a mental health issue? No? She's completely mentally healthy and loves being a SAHM. She says every day she loves it more than working, even when it's difficult. Obviously this may be met with responses of, "she may be covering depression", but no. She knows it's difficult and she often gets frustrated, but she's quite well, both physically and mentally. Getting plenty of exercise and time to herself.
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Jul 27, 2015 03:53
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I would just ask yourself if it really matters that you do most/all of the housework. My wife's hours at work are terrible - easily a 10+ hours a day, plus commute, and often working from home after we put our daughter to bed or on the weekend. Since she'd actually like to interact with our daughter when she's home, I take care of the housework. This is on top of my full time job. There are times where I'm stressed out trying to juggle everything, but at the end of the day, it's not that big of a deal.
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Jul 27, 2015 04:40
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gninjagnome posted:I would just ask yourself if it really matters that you do most/all of the housework. My wife's hours at work are terrible - easily a 10+ hours a day, plus commute, and often working from home after we put our daughter to bed or on the weekend. Since she'd actually like to interact with our daughter when she's home, I take care of the housework. This is on top of my full time job. There are times where I'm stressed out trying to juggle everything, but at the end of the day, it's not that big of a deal. I wouldn't really care that much to be honest, but I work 50+ hours at my normal job, plus I do freelancing work which is easily another 25+ hours. Making sure some dishes are on the bench or some clothes on the floor put away isn't a lot, but it's a big help to me.
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Jul 27, 2015 04:48
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CelestialScribe posted:I honestly thought I'd hear a different reaction here. All of the SAHMs I know in real life are of the belief that they should do at least *something* to contribute to housework. She is contributing to housework. Cleaning up after a baby all day is housework. And secondhand stories from other SAHM might be embellished. You know what I did when I was on maternity leave for 3 months? I nursed and entertained a very fussy baby. If the kid happened to fall asleep not on me for a nap (a rare occurrence in the first year) I basically just sat my myself zoning out or reading a book. I needed the break. The housework got done by either me, my husband, or some combination after he got home from work. Eventually after a month or two we got a cleaning lady because we didn't want to scrub toilets or vacuum floors in the time we had to 'ourselves.' Worth every single penny.
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Jul 27, 2015 04:48
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sheri posted:She is contributing to housework. Cleaning up after a baby all day is housework. Well, that's the thing. She doesn't really clean up after him. Not that I blame her or anything - he's messy as poo poo. We'd get a cleaner but even two hours costs $50-60 bucks and I don't really want to spend that kind of money on stuff I can do myself. That's a lot of money we could have saved. CelestialScribe fucked around with this message at 05:25 on Jul 27, 2015 |
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Jul 27, 2015 05:15
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AlistairCookie posted:Words ... Oh AlistairCookie (insert real name) you continue to be my favorite poster in this thread. In other news I had a garage sale and tried to sell cloth diapers. I actually got one mom who was cloth diapering and got excited to see what I had so I cut her a great deal on my whole stash. Always fun to find someone else excited about cloth diapers. Doing it with 2 babies and being back at work was overwhelming me though. I guess I could've hired someone to do my diaper laundry ... I was trying to move away from the previous conversation but just saw the latest post while typing the above. Like I said earlier. Feel free to vent but realize that there are very good suggestions being offered. Yes a cleaning service costs money. Yes a sitter costs money. These things will make you feel better about your current situation in life. Also SA is free of Mom-lympics. The parents here tell it like it is. The people in the real world don't. Read alistairs post again. Let your wife read it. You've as much as admitted that a clean house would satisfy you. Pay the money to have a clean house. Alternatively. Stop doing freelance. You'll have more time to clean. Which 50-60 bucks is more important to you? (I'm assuming you make as much as a cleaning service)
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Jul 27, 2015 05:37
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My wife and I don't manage housework by how much of it each person does. We do it by how much break time each person gets. Both parents work all day. They both should get some time to relax and de-stress away from work/kid(s).
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Jul 27, 2015 06:12
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Stay at home parent to an almost two year old here. I suggest sitting down and deciding what is the bare minimum you both need to get done around the house to be hygienic, in clean clothes, fed and sane and figure out a way to get that stuff done as a team week to week. Beyond that, let it go. If you do end up doing "more" than you agreed upon don't keep score. Keeping a tally of what you did extra or what she should be doing on her end is only going to breed resentment. If you are in a position to hire a cleaner it sounds like a great option but not everyone can do that so if you can't or won't it's going to require a little more give and take on your part. 6 months is a really hard age. They require more attention and supervision than tiny newborns but they can't really entertain themselves yet. It does get easier. I also think that it couldn't hurt to see if there's something deeper going on like post partum depression and/or anxiety. I think some level of lowering your housekeeping standards is normal when your kid is a baby, but if she's feeling overwhelmed or depressed all the time, she should absolutely get help.
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Jul 27, 2015 16:10
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That's a great post. I as someone who doesn't know poo poo I think this is the best explanation of what goes on. Of course if you put some cameras in a house and recorded a SAHM you could probably point to a poo poo ton of times where she technically could have physically done X or Y, but the reality is much more complex than that. After reading this thread yesterday me and my GF (30 week pregnant) had a talk about this whole issue and it was great. I hope it's going to be helpful when we're in this situation in a few months. I'll make her read your post Alistair because it's awesome and it's a good summary of our soon-to-be parents uninformed opinion with some extra insights. That being said, I do think people are being a bit hard on Celestial. If she's not suffering from depression or something similar and what he says is all true, I think it's reasonable for him to feel like she should do a bit more. I think it's healthy to start with the idea that the guy should stop complaining and deal with it. But if the guy litteraly works 70 hours a week, does all the chores, let his gf have nights off every day/several days a week, does all the work on the weekends, etc. there might be some sort of problem. That being said, we obviously don't know exactly how things are going at their place and I might just be dumb because I never experienced this. I know I would not enjoy being a SAHD (mostly because it feels like it would be extremely hard mentally) and am certainly not saying anyone should expect the stay at home parent to do a lot of cleaning during the day/expect the house to be as clean as it was in the morning. This thread as a whole is awesome. I'm sure it's going to be a great help once I'm an actual parent. KingColliwog fucked around with this message at 17:09 on Jul 27, 2015 |
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Jul 27, 2015 16:51
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Hdip, KingColliwog...  Just being honest...  CelestialScribe posted:I honestly thought I'd hear a different reaction here. All of the SAHMs I know in real life are of the belief that they should do at least *something* to contribute to housework. It's not; not at all. Household work should be shared, though may not be shared equally all the time; that's part of the ebb and flow of a partnership. I don't think anyone really has that attitude, but are just offering insights as to what can be going on inside a person's mind that leads to things falling by the wayside, when all looks well and reasonable from the outside. (My husband works long hours, and I do 90% of the housework M-F, but it's much more equitable during the weekend. But, the kids are older now, and I'm not where I was a few years ago.) CelestialScribe posted:No? She's completely mentally healthy and loves being a SAHM. She says every day she loves it more than working, even when it's difficult. Never underestimate a person's ability to lie and hide what's going on inside. (I'm not saying that's the case; but it's a possibility.) If anyone asked me, I would say that too, to everyone--family, friends, even my husband. I can honestly say that my husband had no clue what was going on with me when inside I was literally about to pop--and we've known each other for 20 years. He was shocked, and concerned, when I finally started being honest. IT was tough; remember, it's supposed to be puppies and ice cream all the time for a SAHM, and that internalized pressure can eat at you. It makes it hard to be honest about it, because even then, what you hear in your head coming out of your own mouth is "Bitch and moan, what am I even bitching about? Mopping? I deserve nothing but scorn, for complaining." It's great that she gets exercise and time to herself. That's huge, it really is. I am in no way trying to bust your chops or saying that it's unreasonable for an adult to put dishes in the sink--because it really isn't (if that's really the level of household maintenance you're expecting.) I think the take home message is to have an honest talk about division of labor, and how she's really doing with the adjustment, without being accusatory in any way. Because she may be masking more than you think. And even if not, then it's still time for an honest, non-inflammatory talk about how to manage your household moving forward, post baby.
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Jul 27, 2015 18:00
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I'm hoping somebody can offer me some advice/encouragement/consolation regarding daycare. Our first baby will be born in October and the idea of putting him in the hands of strangers terrifies us. My wife and I both work full time. Our parents are willing to take our son 1 day a week each, which leaves 3 days of necessary daycare. A couple specific questions: What are the general thoughts on home daycare vs a daycare center? Should the absence of cameras in the daycare be a deal breaker? But more generally, I'm sort of looking for advice about how to feel less apprehensive about this. We've toured a KinderCare and it was just okay. We're touring another one later today. I'm wondering if ANY place will make me feel 100% at ease.
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Jul 27, 2015 18:45
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caiman posted:I'm hoping somebody can offer me some advice/encouragement/consolation regarding daycare. Our first baby will be born in October and the idea of putting him in the hands of strangers terrifies us. My wife and I both work full time. Our parents are willing to take our son 1 day a week each, which leaves 3 days of necessary daycare. You're going to find a lot of variability, both in price and quality of facilities so go see a number of locations. Also, get recommendations from other parents in the area, if you can. Most daycare locations will charge by the week so if you're looking to save by only going 3 days a week then make sure they charge by the day (which will typically end up being more expensive than weekly places). Home daycare will be much more expensive than a center. However, some parents pool their money and get 1 caregiver for their 3-5 kids together to dilute the cost. Can sometimes break even with centers but you'll really need some recommendations for specific caregivers.
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Jul 27, 2015 18:54
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caiman posted:I'm hoping somebody can offer me some advice/encouragement/consolation regarding daycare. Our first baby will be born in October and the idea of putting him in the hands of strangers terrifies us. My wife and I both work full time. Our parents are willing to take our son 1 day a week each, which leaves 3 days of necessary daycare. 1. Depends on what you mean by "home". A lady just running a daycare out of her house, with no staff? The problems I've seen second hand with that is reliability (what happens if she's sick? On vacation? etc), and they tend to not stick to regulations nearly as tightly as a staffed facility (for example, usually more than the allowed number of children per caretaker). But there is nothing wrong with a daycare run out of a house that has been converted properly, with all the staff and facilities that necessitates. 2. Seems like that's something you have to answer for yourself. The thought of that being a dealbreaker had never even occurred to me. Don't go to a daycare you aren't comfortable with. But in my experience, daycare is amazing. Made tons of friends with similar aged kids, kid loves the place and talks about his caretakers there all the time, the caretakers have done a better job scrapbooking his childhood than we have (they have a HUGE 3-ring binder with photos and anecdotes that they've been recording since he was 8 months old), he's learned a second language there, we volunteer at their garage sales and the like. It's awesome.
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Jul 27, 2015 18:54
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Papercut posted:Yes, every marriage with kids ever. My wife and I fought more in the first year than we had in our entire 10-year relationship prior. FYI, My kid is 5, and if you don't fix the constant bitching and fighting that happens in the first year after having kids, it will get loving worse and worse and when your kid is 5 you'll hate each other and it'll be unfixable. So do everything you can from day 1 to not have that happen. I wish I could give better advice, obviously I didn't do so well.
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Jul 27, 2015 19:15
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We went with an in home daycare, because of a great recommendation from a friend & the cost. In my area, home daycare runs $150/week while a normal daycare center is easily $200-250. He was at the first place for about a year until my neighbor had a spot open up in her home daycare. I walk across the street to drop off & pick up my son, which is amazing. He gets to play all day with other kids in the neighborhood & loves it. She is licensed & pays taxes, so we get the childcare benefit on our taxes. The major downside is that when she goes on vacation or is sick, we have to find backup care or stay home ourselves. It hasn't been too bad, but she's usually pretty healthy. We are planning on putting him in a pre-K program for a year before kindergarten, just to get him used to a more structured environment & being around larger groups of kids.
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Jul 28, 2015 00:59
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My mom ran a home daycare for about 15 years. She was licensed by the state and had regular inspections, and she had to submit menus and schedules to show what she was doing. I suppose it's easy enough to fudge that kind of thing, but there are good home daycares out there. The families were like an extended family to us, and the kids were like siblings to me. If you find a good one, it can be a great supportive environment for a kid.
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Jul 28, 2015 01:52
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Our daycare seemed pretty good at first, but then they started getting weird about things. They just said that our oldest kid had to leave effective Sept. 1st. They said it was because it wasn't a "good fit" for him, but I suspect that they just don't want to deal with his epilepsy. Got to find a place now that can handle that sort of thing.
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Jul 28, 2015 02:50
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Diaper questions: My old cloth diaper service let us put diapers in their own bags as needed and then toss them in the pail (in the bags) for pickup. New one says diapers should just be in the pail and nothing else. Which means this poo poo (literally) is going to stink by the end of the week. Is there something that can be used for this? Looks like this isn't diaper genie territory, apparently.
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Jul 28, 2015 16:11
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Rinse the diapers before throwing them in? Edit: you weren't removing the poop before sending them back previously? When we CD'ed, poop was rinsed off with toilet sprayer immediately after changing. I can't imagine leaving poop filled diapers sitting around for a week. D: sheri fucked around with this message at 17:22 on Jul 28, 2015 |
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Jul 28, 2015 17:17
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Yeah, I can't either. They say not to rinse em, though. I'm not sure exactly how we're going to manage this.
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Jul 28, 2015 17:56
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Disposable diapers. Greatest invention since sliced bread. Just throw it in the garbage.
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Jul 28, 2015 18:12
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| # ? May 14, 2024 08:24 |
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Well, I guess you could put them in bags and then empty the bags into the pail prior to pickup? That sounds kinda gross, but at least it wouldn't stink up the entire room and/or house. Alternately, I mean, they say not to rinse them, but how are they going to know? Unless they're trying to start a fresh-from-the-baby fertilizer business, they surely won't mind if there's less excrement involved. Right?
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Jul 28, 2015 18:19
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