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"As a reward for living your whole life without eating pork, here in Heaven you can eat all the pork you want! And yes, I'm delicious."
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Aug 9, 2015 06:14
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 "Daddy asked mommy to set up a 'Milking Table', honey."  "Donald Trump's new 2015 'Ms. Cameltoe' pageant was widely received as a huge success." "Would. Would. Wouuld. Naaah. Would. Nope. Would. Would. Only when drunk. Would. Would. ..."
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Aug 9, 2015 09:09
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 "I'm sorry honey, but I must stand by my hippopotamus oath"
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Aug 9, 2015 11:53
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Tace Vim posted:
"I'm sorry honey, I didn't realize that 'Hey, proof you're not heartless!' would be such a turnoff!"
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Aug 9, 2015 14:04
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 "...I dunno, 'allahu' something or other. I think it was a wrong number."
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Aug 9, 2015 14:31
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"It's a very complicated move! I couldn't remember it all."
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Aug 9, 2015 15:54
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"You're the one that suggested the 5 beads on my necklace could be used for other things..."
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Aug 9, 2015 20:35
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"This is the cheap model because the boobs are just giant eyes but it still gets me off"
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Aug 9, 2015 21:09
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 "Oh, me? Thomas. Who are you here to bribe?"
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Aug 9, 2015 21:36
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"I hate Bring Your Daughter to Work Day."
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Aug 9, 2015 21:40
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This is why we moved to Denmark.
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Aug 9, 2015 22:05
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 "I wanna dive into you like it's Normandy 1944...um, I mean...sorry, Janet, this was a lot more impressive in my head."
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Aug 10, 2015 07:45
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 "...for instance, I do this one part time gig for a deaf genie where he has me appear with this little piano and everything..."
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Aug 10, 2015 07:58
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"...well I try to break the ice at parties, while he provides the small talk"
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Aug 10, 2015 13:19
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Tace Vim posted:
heh, that's a really clever one.
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Aug 10, 2015 13:23
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"With him around, practically nobody notices my birthmark."
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Aug 10, 2015 13:29
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"Try and guess which one is a man. Ain't science great?"
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Aug 10, 2015 13:37
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 "What? No I'm not frightened by the rash of monster attacks in my neighborhood. I'd love to see one of those ugly motherfuckers try to show his face around here. I'd teach that stupid fat retard a lesson he wouldn't soon forget. You know why? because monsters are stupid. Stupid, ugly, clumsy, lazy, gay jerkoffs."
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Aug 10, 2015 14:12
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 "My wife was a slut too"
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Aug 10, 2015 15:28
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 "I mean look at this poo poo, you wouldn't believe what you can find on eBay!"
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Aug 10, 2015 16:06
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Zanzibar Ham posted:"J'accuse!" holy gently caress that's a good one
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Aug 10, 2015 16:23
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 "I don't see what the big deal is. My wife does this once a month."
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Aug 10, 2015 17:06
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 "Christ: what an rear end in a top hat!"
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Aug 10, 2015 19:13
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"You ever listen to K-Billy's 'Super Sounds of the Seventies'? It's my personal favorite."
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Aug 10, 2015 22:06
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I'm foregoing originality in favor of plagiarism  "Frankly you've got a lot of anger toward to the world to work out, Mr. Pembrose." "And this must be the little woman."  "Don't listen to him, he didn't catch it...the thing swerved to miss him and ran into a tree[/img]  "Have all the boids arrived?"  “Suddenly, Professor Liebowitz realizes he has come to the seminar without his duck."  "I've had it! I'm not getting into that thing one more time until you tell me why I'm always the back end!"  "What if we die and it turns out God is a big chicken? What then?!" "Boys blowing up our phones (phones)"
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Aug 10, 2015 23:04
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"I dont care if you get a free skydiving lesson, I still wont join the Jehovah's Witnesses. Now gently caress off!"
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Aug 10, 2015 23:51
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 "I have stock in that company."
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Aug 11, 2015 00:22
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C. Everett Koop posted:
lol
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Aug 11, 2015 00:28
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"So it's normal behavior for a pet monster to be loving a brick wall at 3 am?' "
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Aug 11, 2015 04:27
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"I know that Mother-in-Laws can be overbearing, but this is ridiculous!
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Aug 11, 2015 05:16
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If you think about it, humans are the REAL monsters!
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Aug 11, 2015 05:21
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 "Welcome back Mr. Johnson, May I call you Kirk? As you can see your medicine is ready. Now I'll just need you to remove your trousers and..."
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Aug 11, 2015 05:26
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"Yeah, send a cleanup crew - the dumbfuck cartoonist forgot to draw a ledge, this poor bastard's gonna pull a Wile E. Coyote any second now."
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Aug 11, 2015 05:39
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"Police? Yeah, Gumby overdosed on steroids again and is trying to gently caress the building to death."
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Aug 11, 2015 05:59
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Say Nothing posted:
"I'M.... GUMBY.... DAMMIT"
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Aug 11, 2015 06:39
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Say Nothing posted:
Making me lol way more than it should have
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Aug 11, 2015 07:30
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 "As America's new president, I think it's time we get serious about outlawing spiders and parallel parking. All in favor?"
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Aug 11, 2015 08:14
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"This week on To Catch a Predator..."
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Aug 11, 2015 10:33
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'I'm a big fan of 90's graphics.'
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Aug 11, 2015 12:37
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| # ? Jun 3, 2024 11:59 |
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"..now all in favor of removing the glass ceiling on the top floor?"
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Aug 11, 2015 13:28
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