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Darth123123 posted:Seriously you fucktards. legal separation, which has been filed and served. just waiting on a court date, in the separation I have asked for full custody, child support and for her to have a parenting and mental evaluation before she can have parenting time.
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Aug 26, 2015 09:14
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whoa RN, I hadn't been paying attention. Doesn't matter if this was her plan (loving off eventually) or if she thought she'd be happy in OR with you... ??? whereever. All the other poo poo was a bunch of signs she was too unstable to trust, the animal thing is cherry on the sundae. I'm glad she abandoned the kids, as tough as that's gonna be for them, because it sounds like her being around would be even worse. Also, for people hung up on the court thing: laws are not as flexible as they should be. Father of my kid got upset with me and went to the courthouse and filed for a protective order on me. He told me about it right after he did it, on a Friday afternoon. I went down there first thing Monday but it had already been approved. You can say whatever the gently caress you want on those, you may get charged with perjury later, maybe not. He made up some things and used selective reporting on others ("she's a drug addict," failing to mention I've been clean since two years before our kid was born, "she's been in an inpatient mental facility," again failing to mention that was two years before the kid was born, plus the fact that he'd been there less than a year ago from the date he filed). So, legally, I lost custody and wasn't allowed anywhere near either him or my son, even though I'd done nothing but irritate him. If I hadn't talked him into going back and asking to have the order dropped, I would have had to wait over a month for a hearing. RN is lucky he's in a situation where he has his kids now, tbh. I sincerely hope she's given up on being a mom. You might have to deal with her again, later, when she starts getting help (if that ever happens) and wants to mom again, but everything I know tells me she's not popping back soon. Maybe when they're teens. That doesn't mean you can slack in the legal department, which I know you know. Just hang in there and do everything by the book.
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Aug 26, 2015 23:01
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Got our court date today. They aren't hearing the case till next year. That seems like a long time its about 6 months from now.
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Aug 29, 2015 02:18
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r00tn00b posted:Got our court date today. They aren't hearing the case till next year. That seems like a long time its about 6 months from now. God drat, that's awful.  Can you at least get the kids into some kind of counseling til then?
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Aug 29, 2015 13:02
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CravingSolace posted:God drat, that's awful. they already are Right now I am more worried that she will come back and try to take them. I am waiting on a couple of her family members to write letters saying that they think she is unfit to be a parent to the children at this time and that I should be awarded custody. Once I have those in hand I am going back to court to file for custody AGAIN. this time under a different law than before that doesn't have the time limit on the children living with me. I just have to prove that they are in immediate danger physically/mentally from my wife. I will have to talk to the therapist and see if she feels that what she has seen in them would help that argument or not. She might be back in the next few days if what her lawyer says is true and that makes me nervous, yes she finally contacted her lawyer after i served her, go figure that legal things make her contact people more than her loving kids. So these next few days are going to be nerve wracking until I can get this filed and hopefully approved by the judge.
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Aug 30, 2015 19:22
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I've never understood why the idea that women are more likely to get custody is some MRA thing; US society is still very sexist and of course the old white men which overwhelmingly make up the judges that decide these things are going to be thinking woman = child bearer in the back of their mind - it's just another way gender roles rears its ugly head. Hopefully she doesn't challenge you on it if she really is unfit to be a parent, good luck.
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Aug 31, 2015 04:25
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tsa posted:I've never understood why the idea that women are more likely to get custody is some MRA thing; US society is still very sexist and of course the old white men which overwhelmingly make up the judges that decide these things are going to be thinking woman = child bearer in the back of their mind - it's just another way gender roles rears its ugly head. Yep. Patriarchy hurts men as much as women.
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Aug 31, 2015 04:29
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tsa posted:I've never understood why the idea that women are more likely to get custody is some MRA thing; Because, to my mind, it's one of the few legitimate points they actually have to stand on so of course they crow about it.
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Aug 31, 2015 10:43
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tsa posted:I've never understood why the idea that women are more likely to get custody is some MRA thing; US society is still very sexist and of course the old white men which overwhelmingly make up the judges that decide these things are going to be thinking woman = child bearer in the back of their mind - it's just another way gender roles rears its ugly head. It's actually statistically false if you control for the amount of men that actually seek custody, most don't. I don't recall exactly but men win a slight majority of custody cases where they actually attempt it.
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Sep 1, 2015 19:47
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DeadmansReach posted:It's actually statistically false if you control for the amount of men that actually seek custody, most don't. I don't recall exactly but men win a slight majority of custody cases where they actually attempt it. This is true and also thread of discussion can end now thanks everyone!
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Sep 1, 2015 19:58
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detectivemonkey posted:This is true and also thread of discussion can end now thanks everyone! thank you detectivemonkey.
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Sep 1, 2015 22:26
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r00tn00b posted:Got our court date today. They aren't hearing the case till next year. That seems like a long time its about 6 months from now. This may be standard procedure in your state. In California, I believe you have to wait 6 months before your case can go to a judge after serving divorce papers. Or something.
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Sep 1, 2015 23:46
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r00tn00b posted:Correct. Lawyer dad, he has been super frustrated lately and now I know why. She was looking after their dogs for a week and now they have a $6000 vet bill from injuries my wife can't or wont explain. jesus, starting on page one I never would have guessed these kinds of twists. What the hell even causes a $6000 vet bill
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Sep 2, 2015 11:07
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text editor posted:jesus, starting on page one I never would have guessed these kinds of twists. What the hell even causes a $6000 vet bill Leg injuries. They don't know how. The only real development is we now know she is in ohio for sure. That only makes me feel a little better. I just wish she would talk to the kids. They are beyond upset about this and seeing the pain in them is breaking my heart. They are in therapy but that can only do so much. If there was a small part of me that wanted to work things out with her. It is now dead. A quote from my oldest son "I miss mommy. How can she not miss us. Does she not love us anymore. How could she not miss me. " My youngest son cannot vocalize his feelings. He just looks sad sometimes. I asked him what was wrong one time when he was just sitting on the couch and he just hugged me and started crying. I had a small meltdown myself after a really hard day and couldn't stop crying for an hour over how much pain they are in because she is so much of a child she can't be a decent parent and talk to her kids. I want this nightmare to be over for the sale if my children.
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Sep 2, 2015 12:29
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r00tn00b posted:Leg injuries. They don't know how.
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Sep 2, 2015 12:30
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r00tn00b posted:I just wish she would talk to the kids. They are beyond upset about this and seeing the pain in them is breaking my heart. They are in therapy but that can only do so much. If there was a small part of me that wanted to work things out with her. It is now dead. It might be for the best though. Having a less-than-stable mother come back into, leave, come back, leave while telling them who-knows-what and dragging unimaginable drama with her is probably more traumatizing to kids than having mommy just disappear.
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Sep 2, 2015 13:43
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r00tn00b posted:Leg injuries. They don't know how. You are A Good Dad. It loving sucks that you have to go through this.
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Sep 2, 2015 16:35
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r00tn00b posted:Leg injuries. They don't know how. Jesus dude. Sorry.
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Sep 2, 2015 17:14
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I read through this entire thread in one sitting. I'd buy ya a beer and give ya a man hug if we lived nearby. This is one of the worst things I have ever heard of someone doing to another human being and the fact that you came out of it as mentally stable as you did speaks volumes about your personal strength. I am also glad you gave up on the whole "reconciling" thing. It was a function of your grieving process, and completely unnecessary to your growing process.
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Sep 3, 2015 23:41
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Checking up on this thread. I am concerned about the silence.
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Sep 7, 2015 09:05
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Mushmouth posted:Checking up on this thread. I am concerned about the silence. Thanks man, but nothing to worry about for right now, me and the boys have been doing okay. We have just been trying to take it one day at a time and we have yet to hear from my ex. I honestly can say that I never expected this from her, I thought she loved these kids, these human beings that we created together more than this, but it feels like she doesn't love them at all. They ask about her less and less every day and have just seemed to have accepted that she isn't in their lives any more. I try to keep them occupied when I can we went to a children's museum and a planetarium this weekend, and went school shopping for new clothes. I will update the thread when I have something more substantial to tell with a longer post, as of now thinks are okay and we are moving on with our lives.
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Sep 7, 2015 09:58
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Yay! I'd do my response all fancy like you did but I don't care to figure out how to do that at four in the morning, but I'm really happy things are even for the moment. You are good people.
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Sep 7, 2015 10:01
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r00tn00b posted:Leg injuries. They don't know how. Holy gently caress, this broke my heart. I can't imagine pulling the poo poo she's pulled as a parent. I can't fathom it. You're doing all the right things and I have no advice to offer, but I'm just so sorry you and the kids have to to through this.
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Sep 7, 2015 18:36
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text editor posted:It might be for the best though. Having a less-than-stable mother come back into, leave, come back, leave while telling them who-knows-what and dragging unimaginable drama with her is probably more traumatizing to kids than having mommy just disappear. Having been in this type of situation, I can attest that you are absolutely correct and the mother just staying away is better than the alternative.
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Sep 8, 2015 03:07
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This is just getting to much for me to handle, My oldest son is in his room right now holding a picture of his bother and sobbing into a pillow and I cant do anything to make him feel better. he just wants to talk to his mother and I don't think I can ever forgive her for what she is putting him through. This is making me more of an emotional mess than anything she did to me, this is the hardest thing I have had to deal with as a parent.
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Sep 9, 2015 05:25
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I'm so, so sorry that you and your kids are going through this. It's loving devastating and I can't even begin to imagine how you feel. gently caress.
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Sep 9, 2015 05:58
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r00tn00b posted:This is just getting to much for me to handle, My oldest son is in his room right now holding a picture of his bother and sobbing into a pillow and I cant do anything to make him feel better. he just wants to talk to his mother and I don't think I can ever forgive her for what she is putting him through. This is making me more of an emotional mess than anything she did to me, this is the hardest thing I have had to deal with as a parent. I'm not sure if you can do anything more than hold him and tell him you will always be there for and with him. I can only think of this in my own frame of reference. And I had one parent abandon and the other emotionally distant/absent. Be there for him when he misses her. You can't bring her around and eventually he will stop mourning her abandonment. But when he was needing comfort, he will remember that you were there for him. And again, using my own frame of reference, I truly hope she STAYS gone.
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Sep 9, 2015 06:13
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I hope you and the kids are okay, OP.
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Sep 11, 2015 21:59
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Have you looked into any counseling resources for you and your kids? If you don't know where to start, you could try to talk to their school counselor and see if they have any helpful information or suggestions for you. I don't know if your financial situation is still an issue currently, but the counselor might also be able to direct you to free or low-cost therapy (or you can even ask your in-laws to help with the boys at least?). Being there for your kids is very important right now, but there's only so much you can do, especially when you are still reeling from this yourself. Good luck.
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Sep 13, 2015 17:55
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Skutter posted:Have you looked into any counseling resources for you and your kids? If you don't know where to start, you could try to talk to their school counselor and see if they have any helpful information or suggestions for you. I don't know if your financial situation is still an issue currently, but the counselor might also be able to direct you to free or low-cost therapy (or you can even ask your in-laws to help with the boys at least?). Being there for your kids is very important right now, but there's only so much you can do, especially when you are still reeling from this yourself. Good luck. I don't want to be rude but if you read the thread you would see that me and my children have therapists we see weekly. I know that they need someone and as soon as I had them full time they were in therapy. They are doing okay, my friends in Portland have been a big help with my sanity and entertaining the kids. Life is about as normal as we could hope.
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Sep 13, 2015 20:16
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r00tn00b posted:I don't want to be rude but if you read the thread you would see that me and my children have therapists we see weekly. I know that they need someone and as soon as I had them full time they were in therapy. They are doing okay, my friends in Portland have been a big help with my sanity and entertaining the kids. Life is about as normal as we could hope. I have read the thread, so I don't know how I missed that!  Sorry about that. I'm glad to hear it's doing well though.
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Sep 13, 2015 22:40
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I feel for you and your kids, r00tn00b. Every time there is an update in this thread I get a sick feeling in my stomach because I don't want your kids to get kidnapped by your wife. She honestly sounds like she had a psychotic break which is no reflection on your worth or the worth of your kids, but clearly you have to sever with her. A friend of mine's husband had a psychotic break and propositioned her daughter. He had no idea he'd done anything wrong until he'd been medicated and counseled for a while, but he was clearly dangerous and she couldn't be with him any more. Brain problems of that magnitude cannot be coddled or worked with when your children are involved. I hope for the best for your children and you.
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Sep 14, 2015 19:52
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I feel like this might be digging this thread up for no reason but I want to keep you guys updated. I have a nanny now and she is wonderful for the kids, they are happier now that they have some female influence in their lives. I have not heard from my wife as of yet and it is coming close to the time where this nightmare will be over and I will get what I want for once! I feel stress melting off my shoulders every day as it gets closer and closer. its been nearly 2 months since we have heard anything from her at all and I can say with confidence I am glad about that. I hope the next update I have is in about a months time and with some good news! its almost time to close this thread and I hope we can as a success story.
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Oct 8, 2015 07:27
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That seems like just about the best news possible under the circumstances. Really glad it's continuing to turn around for you.
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Oct 8, 2015 18:06
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r00tn00b posted:I feel like this might be digging this thread up for no reason but I want to keep you guys updated. I have a nanny now and she is wonderful for the kids, they are happier now that they have some female influence in their lives. I have not heard from my wife as of yet and it is coming close to the time where this nightmare will be over and I will get what I want for once! I feel stress melting off my shoulders every day as it gets closer and closer. its been nearly 2 months since we have heard anything from her at all and I can say with confidence I am glad about that. I hope the next update I have is in about a months time and with some good news! its almost time to close this thread and I hope we can as a success story. Oh thank Christ. Every time I see this thread updated I fear the worst. Keep moving forward, r00tn00b!
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Oct 8, 2015 19:46
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Did you ever find out what happened to the dog your wife utterly failed to take care of?
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Oct 9, 2015 04:34
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beckyogg posted:Did you ever find out what happened to the dog your wife utterly failed to take care of? No one knows for sure, the dog has made a full recovery and is fine now! My relationship with her family is good, they even took the kids this past weekend so I could have a vacation!
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Oct 9, 2015 04:45
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So what's wrong with her, is she mentally ill or having some major melt down? She has to be seriously hosed to be doing all this and even alienating her parents. It's totally not your problem anymore, but I hope she gets the help she needs.
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Oct 13, 2015 00:42
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Baronjutter posted:So what's wrong with her, is she mentally ill or having some major melt down? She has to be seriously hosed to be doing all this and even alienating her parents. It's totally not your problem anymore, but I hope she gets the help she needs. Cluster B personality disorder. Until you've lived though a relationship like r00tn00b's it's hard to believe it could be real.
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Oct 13, 2015 00:48
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r00tn00b posted:I feel like this might be digging this thread up for no reason but I want to keep you guys updated. I have a nanny now and she is wonderful for the kids, they are happier now that they have some female influence in their lives. I have not heard from my wife as of yet and it is coming close to the time where this nightmare will be over and I will get what I want for once! I feel stress melting off my shoulders every day as it gets closer and closer. its been nearly 2 months since we have heard anything from her at all and I can say with confidence I am glad about that. I hope the next update I have is in about a months time and with some good news! its almost time to close this thread and I hope we can as a success story. Good to hear it mate.
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Oct 13, 2015 04:14
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