Ask a Cop - All Cops Are Beannieson - The Something Awful Forums

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Korgan: Feb 14, 2012

discarded box posted:

So I am a piece of poo poo heroin addict, tonight I was caught in possession of dope by the police. I was in cuffs and then one of them pulls me off to the side to tell me that I "can help myself" by cooperating with them in doing a controlled buy on the dealer I had just gotten the poo poo from. They said they would take the cuffs off and I could go home that night as long as I agreed to help, and that I would not be charged with possession or lose my license or any of that other stuff. This sounded pretty good to me so I just said yea sure whatever and off I went. Can they actually do this? If I was to follow through and do what they told me would what they said be true? It'd be like it never happened? I don't actually intend to follow through with this because it goes against everything I believe in. If I don't, are they just going to suddenly come arrest me and press the charges they could have before? I live in Massachusetts

In your professional opinion as cops, how hosed is this guy?

# ? Sep 16, 2015 13:11

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# ? May 26, 2024 19:08

Mr. Nice!: Oct 13, 2005; bone shaking.
soul baking.

Depends. Might end up like Rachael Hoffman.

# ? Sep 16, 2015 13:35

Branis: Apr 14, 2006

Yes they can do that. Yes he's hosed. Yes he'll do it because he's a junkie and jail sucks

# ? Sep 16, 2015 14:13

Smiling Jack: Dec 2, 2001; I sucked a dick for bus fare and then I walked home.

He might be looking at a whole 8 hours community service around here.

# ? Sep 16, 2015 14:16

Whip Slagcheek: Sep 21, 2008; Finally
The Gasoline And Dynamite
Will Light The Sky
For The Night

Branis posted:

Yes they can do that. Yes he's hosed. Yes he'll do it because he's a junkie and jail sucks

# ? Sep 16, 2015 15:58

Kawasaki Nun: Jul 16, 2001; by Reene

Korgan posted:

In your professional opinion as cops, how hosed is this guy?

He's stupid, a junkie, and seemingly a total pussy.

Guy's gonna go far

# ? Sep 16, 2015 17:06

Larry Parrish: Jul 9, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

He might lose his street cred as a junkie piece of poo poo if he cooperates with the 5-0 though. Gotta think about that guys.

# ? Sep 16, 2015 17:58

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Do goons hate heroine addicts or cops more

# ? Sep 16, 2015 18:08

Bernard McFacknutah: Nov 13, 2009

Two Finger posted:

Do goons hate heroine addicts or cops more

I'm addicted to Heroines, can't get enough of Amelia Earheart or Emmeline Pankhurst.

# ? Sep 16, 2015 18:28

Nostalgia4Infinity: Feb 27, 2007; 10,000 YEARS WASN'T ENOUGH LURKING

Two Finger posted:

Do goons hate heroine addicts or cops more

Heroine addicts at least provide some funny stories out of tcc.

# ? Sep 16, 2015 18:35

Kawasaki Nun: Jul 16, 2001; by Reene

Two Finger posted:

Do goons hate heroine addicts or cops more

You can tell heroin addicts to gently caress off but when I tell cops I'm a sovereign citizen they break my windows and taze me ACAB

# ? Sep 16, 2015 18:51

beanieson: Sep 25, 2008; I had the opportunity to change literally anything about the world and I used it to get a new av

Kawasaki Nun posted:

You can tell heroin addicts to gently caress off but when I tell cops I'm a sovereign citizen they break my windows and taze me ACAB

But they can't do that if you're a free man traveling on the land :argh:

# ? Sep 16, 2015 19:02

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Kawasaki Nun posted:

You can tell heroin addicts to gently caress off but when I tell cops I'm a sovereign citizen they break my windows and taze me ACAB

We need to buy p Barnes an account

# ? Sep 16, 2015 19:07

Skoll: Jul 26, 2013; Oh You'll Love My Toxic Love; Grimey Drawer

Two Finger posted:

We need to buy p Barnes an account

The one man I would create joinder with.

# ? Sep 16, 2015 19:19

Whip Slagcheek: Sep 21, 2008; Finally
The Gasoline And Dynamite
Will Light The Sky
For The Night

P Barnes is the mod we all deserve

N4i request name change to "Son of P Barnes" thx

# ? Sep 16, 2015 19:33

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Nostalgia4Infinity posted:

Heroine addicts at least provide some funny stories out of tcc.

Best tcc story is still the one where they were all eyeballing doses of some Russian drug and one blacked out for a week only to find a message from his girl's dad saying he would call the police if he ever contacted her again

# ? Sep 16, 2015 19:37

Skoll: Jul 26, 2013; Oh You'll Love My Toxic Love; Grimey Drawer

P Barnes wouldn't arrest a kid for making a clock.

# ? Sep 16, 2015 19:41

beanieson: Sep 25, 2008; I had the opportunity to change literally anything about the world and I used it to get a new av

Skoll posted:

P Barnes wouldn't arrest a kid for making a clock.

No, but he'd tase the kid for making a camera in the courtroom.

# ? Sep 16, 2015 19:43

goatsestretchgoals: Jun 4, 2011

Two Finger posted:

Best tcc story is still the one where they were all eyeballing doses of some Russian drug and one blacked out for a week only to find a message from his girl's dad saying he would call the police if he ever contacted her again

Archived thread: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3230894

My favorite poster:

Wickerman's posts posted:

12/1/2009 07:56
I canceled my capsule order because they hosed it up and it took ages (aka 3 weeks to even be ready to ship to me!)

So I mixed up a 2mg/ml solution and I'm going to drop 2mg before I go to work (t-minus 1 hour.)

---

12/1/2009 16:01
So I ended up dropping 1mg, waiting a half hour, then dropping 1.5mg. A lot of clumsiness, people accusing me of being drunk at work, etc. Not a whole lot in the way of memory loss. Considering dosing 4mg tomorrow morning first thing, thoughts?

---

12/1/2009 18:10
I'm gonna find out, dosing 6mg now.

---

12/3/2009 17:59
been in hospital past two days

no car now

---

12/4/2009 17:16
Apparently I got called to work Wednesday morning, got there, clocked in, took a few orders, was told to go home. on way home, I wrecked, flipping my car and breaking a wheel off. got taken to a local commmunity hospital, life-flighting to a bigger one and that takes up all of thursday. last night appartently i tried to kill myself with 12 percocets (i got them as pain meds for my wreck) and herei am now

no car, no pain meds, and no telephones

i flushed the rest of my phenazepam, gently caress that poo poo right good.

dont do this you just forget days of your life and get clumsy, not a fun drug

---

12/17/2009 16:42
Figured I'd follow up on this. Since I forget December 1st - December 4thish, here's the entire story.

I dosed 2.5mg on December 1st, and then went to work. I don't remember much else about this day, pretty sure nothing big happened.

Wednesday, 11:00am: I dose 6mg.

Wednesday, 11:40am: I leave my house in my work clothes, wearing no shoes.

Wednesday, 11:55am: I arrive at work, apparently after swerving all over the road and almost hitting a telephone pole near our local library.

The telephone pole is on the right side of the road, in-between the road and the library. According to a friend who witnessed me driving to work, he thought I was going to the library.

Wednesday, 12:00pm - 12:07pm: I apparently have not only fallen down, but passed out. The big cheese is at work currently, but from what I recall has said nothing to me. A lower manager asks me to go sit down because I am apparently hosed up. I, instead, walk out to my car and proceed to head home.

Wednesday, 12:13pm: According to the State Highway Patrol's report, I struck a deer and went off the right side of the road. I then took out a 10 foot tall advertisement sign, ramped my SUV (an Oldsmobile Bravada) up a dead tree, flipping it on its left side. I remember the car being sideways, and having a cracked windshield.

Wednesday, between 12:15 and 12:30pm: Someone helps me out my passenger door and sits me in their car until the squads arrive.

Wednesday, before nighttime: I call my work and tell them I got in a car accident, effectively freaking them out. I also threaten to kill my lesser manager for loving with my family (I have no clue how that even makes sense.) I am taken to [LOCAL HOSPITAL HERE], apparently complaining about stomach and elbow pains. Doctors fear internal injuries, and determine that I should be life-flighted to a bigger hospital. Bad weather prevents me from being flown, and I must be taken via ambulance to a bigger hospital.

Wednesday, during the transfer: Two paramedics administer 200mcg of Dilaudid to me, and I remember having a normal conversation with them, just not what it was about.

Wednesday, sometime between 3pm and 9pm, at [BIGGER HOSPITAL HERE]: I am admitted with bradycardia (HELLO OPIATES AND BENZOS) and vehicular injuries. Apparently my sister comes into my room, crying and screaming. I eject my family from my hospital room.

Thursday, 4:30pm: I am discharged from [BIGGER HOSPITAL HERE]. I remember not being able to lift my head, and being wheeled out of the hospital without moving any part of my body.

Friday, 1:00am: I consume 12 percocets (prescribed for pain) to try and kill myself.

Friday, 2:30am: I receive activated charcoal and get my stomach pumped.

Friday, 3:xxpm: I am threatened by the hospital's psych that if I don't take some Wellbutrin and Celexa (meds that I was previously on) that I would not be allowed to leave the hospital until the 72 hour observation period ended. I said, gently caress that poo poo and took them.

Friday, 6:30pm: I am discharged from [SMALLER HOSPITAL HERE].

All in all, my medical bills are something of $26,000 and my SUV is totaled. I blew the front two tires (THEY WERE LESS THAN ONE WEEK OLD ) I didn't break any bones, just a few bruises. No citation from the Highway Patrol, nobody else hurt, everybody's happy.

---

12/19/2009 08:56
Alright, so I decided on a route of encapsulation and simply just to see if I can do it, I ordered more. I know this is probably retarded, and I don't intend to consume it for awhile - only equal or less than 2mg/4days for situational anxiety.

I'll let you guys know how I do.

---

12/19/2009 10:14
It'll be fine. I know I dosed way too much previously, so if I encapsulate it it will never get to the "oh hey, one more dropper full won't hurt. Okay maybe one more." stage, as long as my capsules are the proper dosage.

Also, baggie guy added a 200mg baggie - that's what I ordered. So not too much extra product lingering.

THE JOOSE IS LOOSE

goatsestretchgoals fucked around with this message at 20:16 on Sep 16, 2015

# ? Sep 16, 2015 20:12

Groveling Toast: Jun 2, 2008

shiti'llneverunderstand.txt

Re: heroin guy

Four years to take a warrant out in my state, he's hosed

# ? Sep 16, 2015 20:20

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Lmfao
That wasn't the one I meant but it owns
There was also one where a dude ordered a grand piano or some poo poo
I get hosed up enough on booze no idea why you'd feel the need to do poo poo that does that to you

# ? Sep 16, 2015 20:29

The Shep: Jan 10, 2007; If found, please return this poster to GIP. His mothers are very worried and miss him very much.

Yeah and these fucks want single payer so we can foot the bill for their drug binges gently caress them.

Always arrest DUI drugs, always.

Had to waste a perfectly good dose of narcan on on a loving heroin addict the other day. Why do you idiots support legalizing any drugs? Let these idiots kill themselves on whatever home made poo poo they're constantly looking to inject, snort, inhale, etc...

# ? Sep 16, 2015 21:26

Woof Blitzer: Dec 29, 2012; [-]

Settle down Beavis

# ? Sep 16, 2015 21:40

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

loving druggies using up all the healthcare

# ? Sep 16, 2015 21:52

The Shep: Jan 10, 2007; If found, please return this poster to GIP. His mothers are very worried and miss him very much.

Teflon Don posted:

Settle down Beavis

Haha

# ? Sep 16, 2015 21:54

Branis: Apr 14, 2006

Legalize all drugs universal all healthcare. No gods no masters gently caress the state full communism glory to Stalin

# ? Sep 16, 2015 22:33

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Branis posted:

Legalize all drugs universal all healthcare. No gods no masters gently caress the state full communism glory to Stalin

P Barnes 2016

# ? Sep 16, 2015 22:47

Bernard McFacknutah: Nov 13, 2009

Who is P Barnes? I tried googling it but so much poo poo came up I couldn't make any sense of it

# ? Sep 17, 2015 11:33

Skoll: Jul 26, 2013; Oh You'll Love My Toxic Love; Grimey Drawer

Bernard McFacknutah posted:

Who is P Barnes? I tried googling it but so much poo poo came up I couldn't make any sense of it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ebt0l8s3aMQ

edit : Follow up of the video http://www.cdapress.com/news/local_news/article_9447b4f2-2efb-11e2-9acf-0019bb2963f4.html

Skoll fucked around with this message at 11:48 on Sep 17, 2015

# ? Sep 17, 2015 11:41

JayKay: Sep 11, 2001; And you thought they were cute and cuddly.

Skoll posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ebt0l8s3aMQ

edit : Follow up of the video http://www.cdapress.com/news/local_news/article_9447b4f2-2efb-11e2-9acf-0019bb2963f4.html

Article is worth a read. Dude almost got thrown in jail again for contempt when he was there for the original contempt/taser charge.

# ? Sep 17, 2015 12:55

Mr. Nice!: Oct 13, 2005; bone shaking.
soul baking.

He was a shithead from the moment he walked in the door that morning. There are three other videos of him just being a shithead leading up to the tasing. He showed up to court in his finest vibram five fingers, blue jeans, and a tshirt. He caused a ruckus at the security checkpoint and told p. barnes there that he was going to bill them for the unlawful search of a metal detector and xray. He then goes and sits in traffic court and is filming other people discussing their personal cases with the prosecutor. Multiple bailiffs come to tell him to turn off the camera or leave, and he refuses to do both. No one gets physical but they end up emptying the entire courtroom just to get him and his camera out. After the prosecutor tries to talk to him about his offense and he rambles on about some sovcit bullshit about how he has no name or isn't a US citizen. They used incredible restraint to deal with his rear end and they probably would have been justified using force and arresting him sooner.

# ? Sep 17, 2015 13:32

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

how do cop goons here feel about the arrest of 14-year-old Ahmed Mohamed?

# ? Sep 17, 2015 15:20

Smiling Jack: Dec 2, 2001; I sucked a dick for bus fare and then I walked home.

Volume posted:

how do cop goons here feel about the arrest of 14-year-old Ahmed Mohamed?

Brown skinned kid did science in Texas, he's lucky he didn't get life in the slammer :911:

god bless our freedoms

Inshalla :happyelf:

# ? Sep 17, 2015 15:58

Bernard McFacknutah: Nov 13, 2009

Volume posted:

how do cop goons here feel about the arrest of 14-year-old Ahmed Mohamed?

Why is he still breathing? Terrists get shot in this part of the world. Just look at Charles De Menezezs

# ? Sep 17, 2015 16:03

Fo3: Feb 14, 2004; RAAAAARGH!!!! GIFT CARDS ARE FUCKING RETARDED!!!!

(I need a hug)

I looked at the time here and it was 00:00 and nothing happened.
I felt ripped off.

e: That kid should really invent something.

Fo3 fucked around with this message at 17:07 on Sep 17, 2015

# ? Sep 17, 2015 17:04

beanieson: Sep 25, 2008; I had the opportunity to change literally anything about the world and I used it to get a new av

He's a little late on the clock idea, they've been around a while.

# ? Sep 17, 2015 17:14

DrakeriderCa: Feb 3, 2005; But I'm a real cowboy!

No surprise that oBummer invited him to the White House for their pagan prayers so he can build bombs there

~*~* G-d bless *~*~

# ? Sep 17, 2015 17:14

The Shep: Jan 10, 2007; If found, please return this poster to GIP. His mothers are very worried and miss him very much.

Volume posted:

how do cop goons here feel about the arrest of 14-year-old Ahmed Mohamed?

Fffffaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrttttttttttt

# ? Sep 17, 2015 18:14

Untagged: Mar 29, 2004; Hey, does your planet have wiper fluid yet or you gonna freak out and start worshiping us?

Volume posted:

how do cop goons here feel about the arrest of 14-year-old Ahmed Mohamed?

# ? Sep 17, 2015 18:52

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 26, 2024 19:08

Whip Slagcheek: Sep 21, 2008; Finally
The Gasoline And Dynamite
Will Light The Sky
For The Night

Allahu ackbar

# ? Sep 17, 2015 22:29

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