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cash crab
Apr 5, 2015

all the time i am eating from the trashcan. the name of this trashcan is ideology


Captain Clown posted:

This is a quick blurb because it's my mom's experience, not mine, and I don't remember all the details.

Whenever my mom would take us to a movie theater when my siblings and i were kids, she would warn us to never get ice in our drinks, and would refuse to buy us popcorn. We were always curious about this, so she finally told us why. Basically, in the early-to-mid-90s, she worked at a budget movie theater. The popcorn was stored at the front of the counter in a clear glass case. It looked cool as a customer, since the entire front of the counter was just glass filled to the brim with popcorn. ...Or, should I say, it SHOULD have looked cool. The thing is, that thing rarely ever got cleaned. It was full of old popcorn butter and grease most of the time. So, one day, when my mom went to go get popcorn for a customer... she was met with the sight of pantry moths and their larvae crawling throughout the case to the point where it looked like the popcorn itself was squirming.

So, what about the ice? Sometimes, the soda fountain ice maker would get clogged. It happens, and there are clean ways to fix it. But that's not what the manager of the theater did. Nope, dude just used a plunger right from the bathroom to fix it! And apparently, that was a common occurrence. Once my mom saw that in action, she up and left.

This made me wish I were dead, I loving hate kitchen moths

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Radio Help
Mar 22, 2007

ChipChip? 

thiswayliesmadness posted:

It's pretty much how the poster above described. Soak with water and a bit of salt to leech out any blood, then rinsed till the water's pretty much clear. Sanitizing isn't the best word for it, but was how they referred to the method. Mostly keeps your fryer oil fresher for longer than anything else.

Oh, ok. Pretty much all you're doing is just rinsing off the excess chicken plasma slime and whatever loose protein is chillin on the surface of the wings. Definitely keeps the wings from sticking together in the fryer, at the very least. If you had management telling the rest of your staff that "sanitized" them, they were idiots. Never never never never tell hourly employees that raw chicken is anything other than completely covered in its own poo poo (unless you slaughtered the thing yourself and did it very, very competently).

Which brings me to...
TOTALLY STUPID/UNTRUE THINGS AUTHORITY FIGURES HAVE TOLD ME IN MY MANY YEARS AS A GLUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT/COOK

  • "You can sharpen a knife with another knife! This loving craaaaazy line cook showed me how to do it so it's true! Also it looks loving sweet when I do it!" No, it's not. All you just did was dull two knives and make yourself look like a fignut. Also, the loving cokehead shitheel lifer that taught you that probably meant to say that you can hone a knife with another knife, which is only potentially true if you're honing a carbon steel knife on a stainless steel knife, and even then that would require superhuman levels of finesse. And it would still make both knives duller.
  • "Why do we need a house whetstone? That poo poo is for dorks! Just sharpen your knife with the unglazed lip on the underside of a plate! I saw this Asian lady do it on youtube!" Yeah, I'm sure she can do it, but you are some schlub from Sacramento with severe DT's and you just wrecked some line beater Dexters trying to look cool/prove a point. Also you don't know how to use a whetstone.
  • "I worked on a line with Bourdain one time and it was craaaazyyyy" No, you didn't. You're 24. He was basically a full-time writer by the time you graduated middle school. Also you've never been to New York City. Also you have no idea how to dress a salad. Also you're a white guy with dreadlocks.
  • "Bacon doesn't go bad because it's a cured meat. Just cut the moldy parts off and it will be fine. Sure boss *surreptitiously throws spoiled bacon in the trash*
  • "The easiest way to clean off the blade on this slicer is to take all the blade covers off, turn it on, and rub it down with a green scrubby pad as it's spinning." Ok, honestly I have done this more times than I can count. In my defense, I have my own Kevlar glove and I was also completely aware of how insanely stupid I was being by doing it that way. Don't ever do this unless you're willing to cut off your finger off so you can go home 10 minutes sooner.
  • "Why are you throwing away those bell pepper cores/corn husks/lettuce heels/slimy cilantro/cauliflower leaves/gnarly old spring mix/rosemary stems/pumpkin guts? We can make veggie stock out of that!" This is the exact reason why most vegetarian soups taste like poo poo.
  • "Yeah I know this brunch special calls for the duck eggs that I dropped all over the inside of the walk in, but nobody really knows the difference anyways. Use chicken eggs instead." Yeah, you're probably right about that but you're still an rear end in a top hat.
  • "I've been thawing frozen chicken on the counter overnight for a million billion years. I haven't made a single person sick yet." Oh yeah, you're probably the reason why I got food poisoning so bad when I was 13 that I hallucinated Pikachu throwing gigantic boulders at my stomach. Which was totally crazy because to the best of my knowledge gigantic Pikachus aren't allowed in the pediatric ward.

quidditch it and quit it
Oct 11, 2012


Don't wash chicken, ever. All you're doing is spraying surface bacteria loving everywhere. In the UK, it's even part of the training courses I teach about Food Hygiene. A ridiculously high number of chickens from the supermarket over here have Campylobacter (78% of those tested from Asda, owned by Wal-Mart). Just cook the bacteria to death.

Here's another horrible story: I was working in a seaside town, at a busy pub, right on the edge of the harbour. The harbour liked to flood when the tide got too high, and there was a bit of wind. The pub where I worked was lower than the sloping road from the harbour wall. Can you see where I am going with this?

The place starts to flood. Okay, all the customers gently caress off, and we power everything down. Nothing that we can do but to wait it out. It's never flooded more than a few inches, so damage will be minimal.

Halfway through the day, water starts coming up through the very middle of the pub floor, it transpires that there is a flood drain there, which, due to every single place on the harbour flooding, is now kicking water back up into the pub. It also seems to have a hook-up to the sewerage somewhere, because all the water that is now rapidly coming out is brown, and stinking. The place floods to above ankle level with shitwater, including the kitchen, which is on the same level as the public area.

So the next few hours are spent trying to bucket poo poo water out of the back kitchen door, and then after that, sanitising the gently caress out of the kitchen. So far, so normal. I mean, what else can you do (apart from get some proper cleaners in). The entire staff are all there, mopping and bucketing and stinking.

It's about 3pm now, say. The boss comes up to me, in my poo poo-soaked clothes, and says "go upstairs to the public toilet, and have a quick wash, I have some socks you can put on, we're open for service tonight" - I point blank told them to gently caress off, under no circumstance was I touching an item of food until I'd gone home, had a shower for a Very Long Time and set fire to my chef whites.

And that confused me. I mean, due to the ripe stench of poo poo and cleaning products, it was fairly unlikely we'd be very busy for service, so why risk poisoning a whole load of holidaymakers for a poor day, takings-wise?

GOTTA STAY FAI
Mar 24, 2005

~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~
College Slice

Radio Help posted:

"You can sharpen a knife with another knife! This loving craaaaazy line cook showed me how to do it so it's true! Also it looks loving sweet when I do it!"

:argh: The noise these chucklefucks make while doing this serves as a sort of "idiot alarm."

Radio Help posted:

Also you're a white guy with dreadlocks.

This is the most horrific thing in that post

Danger Mahoney
Mar 19, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
I worked at CiCi's when I was 17. I tore my pinky nail off stretching dough on one of those pizza pans with the holes in it. The pizza went on down the line and on to the buffet, bloody nail cooked right into the underside of the crust. Someone either ate it or no one went for that particular pizza. Either way no complaints.

Thank you for reading my story namaste

Pipsies
Nov 14, 2014
My dad delivers pizzas. If they are really busy, he helps prepare them too. The thing is, he doesn't wear gloves, and this motherfucker has allergies BAD. He sneezes into his arm, but then he wipes his nose on his hand. And goes straight back to making your pizza :barf:

Refrigerapist
Dec 11, 2004

de la peche posted:

Don't wash chicken, ever. All you're doing is spraying surface bacteria loving everywhere. In the UK, it's even part of the training courses I teach about Food Hygiene. A ridiculously high number of chickens from the supermarket over here have Campylobacter (78% of those tested from Asda, owned by Wal-Mart). Just cook the bacteria to death.

So you're saying me washing some chicken off in the sink inches away from my drying rack full of clean, drying dishes was a bad move?

When I was a teenager, I used to work at a seafood restaurant as a dish washer. The place was half restaurant half fishing pier that offered chartered fishing trips out into the ocean. It very much gave off the impression of super fresh seafood. One night, while we were still open and serving guests, the kitchen flooded with dirty dish water and the water they used from cleaning up seafood. It flooded because the owners were cheap and never fixed the plumbing. They had us dish washers remove the water one shop-vac's worth at a time, carrying the dirty shop vac through the dining area outside to the docks and dumping the water into the ocean. In full view of customers. Rinse and repeat until the water was mostly gone. We were doing this until the place closed for the night (at its usual time) and then some, wound up being their until 1:30am on a school night. We got an additional 15 minutes of pay (on top of the pay we got for our actual time being there) as a bonus. "Hey, here's like 2 dollars. Thanks!"

Edit: I thawed the chicken in warm water too. Should I just check myself into the hospital now or wait for some symptoms to show up first?

Refrigerapist has a new favorite as of 18:24 on Sep 1, 2015

Schubalts
Nov 26, 2007

People say bigger is better.

But for the first time in my life, I think I've gone too far.

de la peche posted:

Don't wash chicken, ever. All you're doing is spraying surface bacteria loving everywhere. In the UK, it's even part of the training courses I teach about Food Hygiene. A ridiculously high number of chickens from the supermarket over here have Campylobacter (78% of those tested from Asda, owned by Wal-Mart). Just cook the bacteria to death.

Do you think people use pressure hoses to do it? The water doesn't need to be turned up that high to rinse off meat.

Dynastocles
May 29, 2009

"If you'll excuse me, my dinner time is six o'clock. Only gangsters eat at 9 o'clock, after some bootlegging and a hot game of craps."

I was reading "Down And Out in Paris and London" by George Orwell, and his description of working in a hotel restaurant matches almost exactly the experiences of everyone posting here. In the 1930s. And eighty years later my friends and family who've worked in restaurants say the same things happen.

Why, then, are restaurants almost universally filthy places staffed by desperate boorish alcoholics and run by sociopathic fascists?

Novum
May 26, 2012

That's how we roll

Dynastocles posted:

I was reading "Down And Out in Paris and London" by George Orwell, and his description of working in a hotel restaurant matches almost exactly the experiences of everyone posting here. In the 1930s. And eighty years later my friends and family who've worked in restaurants say the same things happen.

Why, then, are restaurants almost universally filthy places staffed by desperate boorish alcoholics and run by sociopathic fascists?

This is no longer the case as long as you are working in almost any half decent establishment. This is a horror story thread so it has the horror stories. Also many of you were bad cooks. Or at least teenagers working at a place you didn't give a poo poo about. The bleeding in the food stuff is pretty bad.

prayer group
May 31, 2011

$#$%^&@@*!!!

Schubalts posted:

Do you think people use pressure hoses to do it? The water doesn't need to be turned up that high to rinse off meat.

The point is that it serves no useful purpose outside of making it feel less icky to you during the thirty seconds you spend handling it before it goes in the pan.

Anyway, horror stories. Nothing springs immediately to mind for me outside of the couple dudes I've seen nodding out on heroin during the shift. One was Roman, whom I worked with at a semi-upscale seafood restaurant chain. He was a Russian immigrant and seven feet tall. I partied with him a couple times and his rate of substance ingestion was reminiscent of Andre the Giant. He also drove a VW Beetle, and it was absolutely hilarious watching him fold himself up to get into that car at the end of the night. Anyway, his claim to fame was that he used to deal coke in quantity to the band NOFX. He told me once that the power went out at a show they were playing, and they all ran on stage and did lines off the top of a guitar amp (the one on the cover of "I Heard They Suck Live!!") in the pitch dark, in front of the audience. Point of my story being, he nodded out during dinner service and nearly faceplanted on the grill.

ToxicSlurpee
Nov 5, 2003

-=SEND HELP=-


Pillbug

Dynastocles posted:

I was reading "Down And Out in Paris and London" by George Orwell, and his description of working in a hotel restaurant matches almost exactly the experiences of everyone posting here. In the 1930s. And eighty years later my friends and family who've worked in restaurants say the same things happen.

Why, then, are restaurants almost universally filthy places staffed by desperate boorish alcoholics and run by sociopathic fascists?

Upscale places are much nicer because they rely heavily on the staff actually giving a poo poo. The kind of places where they put out paper placemats are owned by people who only care about getting as many asses into the seats as possible, getting them out as fast as possible, and selling as much volume as possible. It's the difference there that matters; in a place that is fancy you're expected to hang around for over an hour and relax. High volume places you're told to get the food in front of the people as fast as possible so they can eat as soon as possible and free up the table.

The people that own the places are highly likely to be sociopaths that care only about how much money the store vomits out at the end of the day and that number is absolutely never big enough. Chain restaurants are the worst, really. They're heavily industrialized and view the people working there as nothing more than cogs in the machine. It's exploitive as all hell so they tend to attract people who are desperate for work. In a lot of cases this is also why drugs are rampant. The places will rarely, if ever, test for drugs and people that use drugs a lot are going to gravitate toward places that don't test. Of course this also turns into a way for low-end drug dealers to get a legit source of income to cover their activities/find new customers. In other cases it's teenagers that get hired because they want money for cigarettes and booze but then stay because they can't find work anywhere else and for some reason aren't going to college. Of course a lot of the part timers are, in fact, college students who are probably also doing drugs, not caring much about the job, and probably tired from studying for a bajillion credits.

Low-end places are just a perfect shitstorm of terrible in every way imaginable. They won't get better because they can't.

Gridlocked
Aug 2, 2014

MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves

Radio Help posted:


[list][*]"You can sharpen a knife with another knife! This loving craaaaazy line cook showed me how to do it so it's true! Also it looks loving sweet when I do it!" No, it's not. All you just did was dull two knives and make yourself look like a fignut. Also, the loving cokehead shitheel lifer that taught you that probably meant to say that you can hone a knife with another knife, which is only potentially true if you're honing a carbon steel knife on a stainless steel knife, and even then that would require superhuman levels of finesse. And it would still make both knives duller.


My little brother tried this when I was 11 and he was 8. I pissed him off about something or whatnot; and he decided it would be a great idea to grab two of the boning knives my old man had from his days in the meat works and do the menacing sharpen-them-on-each-other while crying and howling with rage about how he was going to kill me. The knives slipped after a few seconds and sliced through the joint between his thumb and finger on BOTH his hands. One trip to the hospital later for stitches and yeah he forgot whatever he was mad about.

OutsideAngel
May 4, 2008

Dynastocles posted:

I was reading "Down And Out in Paris and London" by George Orwell, and his description of working in a hotel restaurant matches almost exactly the experiences of everyone posting here. In the 1930s. And eighty years later my friends and family who've worked in restaurants say the same things happen.

Why, then, are restaurants almost universally filthy places staffed by desperate boorish alcoholics and run by sociopathic fascists?

I can't afford to eat at the restaurant I cook at.

Fo3
Feb 14, 2004

RAAAAARGH!!!! GIFT CARDS ARE FUCKING RETARDED!!!!

(I need a hug)

Schubalts posted:

Do you think people use pressure hoses to do it? The water doesn't need to be turned up that high to rinse off meat.

Not only that, but people are going to chop chicken on a cutting board and rinse that board anyway, and handle chicken and rinse their hands, and knives too.
Those who are saying don't wash chicken ever because it spreads bacteria are deluded. Rinse it if you want to, chicken bacteria is going to be spread anyway in a home kitchen.
Sometimes I buy chicken and it's a bit slimey, so I rinse it if it needs it

quidditch it and quit it
Oct 11, 2012


Fo3 posted:

Not only that, but people are going to chop chicken on a cutting board and rinse that board anyway, and handle chicken and rinse their hands, and knives too.
Those who are saying don't wash chicken ever because it spreads bacteria are deluded. Rinse it if you want to, chicken bacteria is going to be spread anyway in a home kitchen.
Sometimes I buy chicken and it's a bit slimey, so I rinse it if it needs it

But you're adding an extra step for cross-contamination to happen, for no benefit at all. You've got to chop chicken on the board, you've got to handle it, etc. But you don't have to wash it (I honestly can't believe people really wash chicken, I always thought that was a joke).

I do this thing when training people, where I spray their hands with a UV spray, get them to go and wash their hands, then hold a light over them, to highlight where most people are missing, it's always the same places. But then I go into the hand-wash area, and show them where the stuff has sprayed off their hands thanks to the water, and gone onto all the surrounding surfaces. It's usually a fair bit further from the sink. And that's not high-pressure either.

It doesn't matter what people do at home, you're not cooking for hundreds of people every hour that all might be one case of food poisoning from dying.

Mister Speaker
May 8, 2007

WE WILL CONTROL
ALL THAT YOU SEE
AND HEAR

I was working as a busser in a high-volume craft brewpub a few years ago. On my way to the kitchen to pick up some plates, I saw a guy heading to the washroom drop a baggie of something out of his pocket. Without missing a step, I picked it up. I entered the kicthen and opened my hand to reveal what was probably about an eightball of cocaine. It's been few and far between that I've ever partaken and at that time I was completely not into it at all...

So I sold it to one of the line cooks for like a hundred bucks. I felt really bad about it because they were all clearly coked out of their minds within a half hour. The food came out really fast that night - salty as hell, though.

Since I wanted to tell a friend's story about a loving psycho, this found-drugs story actually leads deliciously into that topic. One of said cokehead line cooks was an angry kid who loved to talk trash about his alleged fighting prowess and on multiple occasions said he could 'totally take me' even though he was emaciated and short. He literally foamed at the mouth and spat when he talked and was, in all likelihood, mentally ill. I'll call him Phil, because that was his name, and gently caress his privacy.

We had a system of pagers the kitchen used to call bussers, and there were three frequencies - one was the primary food runner and the other two were supplemental, their duties focused more on clearing tables and moving glassware unless there was a big push for food. We switched our pagers around as our shifts overlapped. If the line cooks paged our busser multiple times, it would queue, meaning the pager would continue to vibrate for minutes at a time.

I had switched out for the number two pager as my shift was nearing its end. The busser I switched with was, admittedly, kind of slow so I was picking up some plates. The cooks didn't know we had switched pagers and hit the #2 frequency a couple of times so I told them "actually I've got the #2 pager." Phil responds "oh, in that case," and hits the button easily a dozen more times to deliberately annoy me and says something angrily like "now get the gently caress out of my face." I told him to chill out, he told me to suck his dick, so I said "Phil, do you want me to get the GM to write you up... again?" Inferring that I had done so before.

Phil grabbed a knife and attempted to storm around the line, and another cook had to stand in his way. I laughed, walked the food out, told the GM and he was fired a week later. Last I heard, he moved to BC and was literally living in the woods.

Anyway, the story I wanted to segway into about another loving psycho that my roommate (whom let's call Neil) worked with: About two weeks ago they hired a guy, who was trans. I say that because all he ever talked about was being trans, with what sounds like a giant persecution complex. He was also a bit of a space-case, possibly from heavy drug use and/or mental illness. It became quickly evident that he was more than a bit unhinged: One night Neil and his coworkers went drinking in a park after work and the new guy tagged along. Another friend offhandedly used the word 'human being' as crass line cooks sometimes do, and the guy immediately stood up and started kicking him, then ran off crying when he was pulled away. Giant red flag.

His attitude at work degraded over the next few days, and he'd often accuse coworkers of being transphobic and talking behind his back. The last straw was a night he was working with Neil and - pure speculation on our part - must have been off his meds, because he was literally hearing voices. He thought Neil was calling him transphobic slurs under his breath. He accused Neil of "triggering violence in me" (WTF) and said "if you want this to get physical we can go right now, I've been in some hosed-up situations." Neil simply said "gently caress you" and walked out of the kitchen. Management got stories from everyone and fired the guy on the spot.

I had to give Neil a pat on the back for his composure when he told the story, as I probably wouldn't have de-escalated the situation and would have ended up severely hurting the guy.

Mister Speaker has a new favorite as of 19:50 on Sep 3, 2015

InevitableCheese
Jul 10, 2015

quite a pickle you've got there
Loving this thread so far.

I don't any really crazy stories, but I worked in McDonald's for a while back in high school, and that place just really seemed to bring in a certain type of person.

One guy, who we'll call Barkley, was probably the coolest guy there. He was the kind of guy that would cuss out a customer for being excessively rude (but they almost always deserved it), and he tended to sleep with most girls that worked there. He was eventually fired because it was discovered that he had spent several months (close to a year), exploiting the discount system on the drive thru that allowed him to give a small discount, charge full price, then pocket the difference. Guy got away with thousands of dollars, but he of course had to pay it back or get taken to court. I never heard what happened to him.

My fiance's aunt worked there as well, and was well known to be selling drugs out of the drive thru. She never got caught, and no one seemed to care, because she was a hard worker, and honestly a pretty decent manager and nice person.

We never tainted anyones food, but if they were especially douchey about what they wanted on their food, and sent it back more than once for no reason, we would exaggerate the heck out of their demands. "Not enough pickles" and "Extra extra onions" would become a handful of it. No one ever complained though.

The grossest things I witnessed on the job were pretty minor. Cooked patties and meats are supposed to be on a timer while in their heated tray. After the time is up, they are supposed to be thrown away, and replaced with freshly cooked foods. We rarelyyyyy ever did this, and I didn't know I was supposed to be doing it (I was always on grill) until about a month into my employment. The worst was probably that the fryers, and most rarely used areas in the place were only heavily cleaned on Labor Day (always deathly slow), or when someone from corporate was coming from inspection. Food prep, grill, and food storage was always pretty clean. My only recommendation is to not get the grilled chicken unless you ask for fresh. Because that poo poo is probably 10 hours old, and dry as hell. If it got too dry, they would just drop in the juice to look decent enough to send out.

Most people at my store had worked for the Burger King across the street, and I heard lots of horror stories of that place. All the spaces around the fryers were covered in a thick layer of grease, and the floors were hardly mopped unless the grill got extra greasy and visibly gross. It was a shame, too, cause I always thought their burgers tasted better.

thewireguy
Jul 2, 2013

cash crab posted:

Apparently, people shoving their hands into deepfryers to retrieve items is distressingly common.

A friend of mine grabbed the heating element in the Hobart dish washer on e.

thewireguy
Jul 2, 2013
People wild suck the whipped cream gas out and stumble around like an idkot, and when you go to make a piece of cake or whatever, that was so bad. Wipe it off and find another can that hasn't been sucked dry.

thewireguy
Jul 2, 2013
.before I ever did drugs but beer, at a Mexican restaurant, the waiters were playing dollar bill poker, I'll explain if you want, but he wore sunglasses his entire shift because he was rolling so hard his eyes were twitching all over the place. It freaked me out and wonder how you can actually function under the influence. (i know now)

Lord Lambeth
Dec 7, 2011


thewireguy posted:

People wild suck the whipped cream gas out and stumble around like an idkot, and when you go to make a piece of cake or whatever, that was so bad. Wipe it off and find another can that hasn't been sucked dry.

Cook at my last job got caught doing this on camera, in the boss' office, in the middle of our busiest day of the year. He got fired pretty much immediately. Which was a shame, because he always treated me nicely and did his job well.

BogDew
Jun 14, 2006

E:\FILES>quickfli clown.fli
I had to help clean this once in prep for a pop-up venue.


The gutted kitchen of at least 30 years of deep frying and cooking as a once swank jazz restaurant slowly crept into decrepitude as biker gangs took over and turned it into a shifty go-go club with a "pink room" and a drive through drug collection spot in the back alley, complete with doorbell.
Lots of hot water and bicarb soda and then a coat of paint. It took a few days by hand. Couldn't do much about the lingering smell when you went to restock bottles.

Sadly not much exciting stories from working behind a bar beyond the usual "sorry sir you've had too much, I can't serve you by law..." etc etc. Or prying off drunk women from celebrity comedians who had amazing grace and charm to deflect direct questions"you're a druggie aren't you?" Which is a silly question, as most comedians are on something slightly stronger than anti-depressants.
We had to make sure she didn't go into the performance as she was dead set on heckling with all the gusto two bottles of wine could bring.

Going back to the service story, the worst horror story I heard was from some woman who'd started at McDonalds and was presented with the usual challenge for all first-timers: the fountain of poo poo coating a bathroom stall.
When given crummy gloves to clean with she balked at this and was given some scoring gloves to get the job done. When asked "where did these come from" she was told "oh they used these to clean the grill".
She quit the next day.

PBJ
Oct 10, 2012

Grimey Drawer
So, a few weeks ago, my workplace hired a rather interesting man named Kenny. Let me tell you some things about him:

- Kenny looks like what happens when an emaciated alien tries to blend into human society. He also attempted to wear his fedora into his first day of work (we have corporate-provided visors).

- Kenny cannot do basic arithmetic, as we found out when we tried to teach him to work one of the registers.

- Kenny does not know the difference between grilled and breaded chicken breasts. When informed that grilled chicken breasts do not go in the pressure fryer, he then placed the raw chicken on the burger grill, cross-contaminating it in the process.

- Kenny does not know how to cook red meat, and attempted multiple times in a single hour to serve severely under-cooked burgers to customers. He was hired based on his supposed background as a cook.

- Kenny regularly drops items into fryers. We've gone through multiple plastic tongs in the last week because he's dropped them into the adjacent fryer and melted them. He also lost both his car-keys and his hat within the span of a week.

- Kenny is incapable of cleaning dishes unless directly aided by another coworker. If not. he'll just spray dishes with a jet of water for 10 seconds or so, before placing them back where they came from, chunks of food and all!

- Kenny is allergic to peanuts, and did not disclose this during the hiring process. We only found out when he had a reaction in the middle of this first shift, and ended up sneezing and slobbering all over the condiment station, which then had to be completely sterilized.

At this point, the other coworkers and I are taking bets as to when he'll be laid off. When I asked one of the late-night managers how long she thought he'd last, she replied: "He's white, middle-aged, and working the closing-shift at a fast-food establishment. He's gonna be here forever." :smith:

cash crab
Apr 5, 2015

all the time i am eating from the trashcan. the name of this trashcan is ideology


PBJ posted:

So, a few weeks ago, my workplace hired a rather interesting man named Kenny. Let me tell you some things about him:

- Kenny looks like what happens when an emaciated alien tries to blend into human society. He also attempted to wear his fedora into his first day of work (we have corporate-provided visors).

- Kenny cannot do basic arithmetic, as we found out when we tried to teach him to work one of the registers.

- Kenny does not know the difference between grilled and breaded chicken breasts. When informed that grilled chicken breasts do not go in the pressure fryer, he then placed the raw chicken on the burger grill, cross-contaminating it in the process.

- Kenny does not know how to cook red meat, and attempted multiple times in a single hour to serve severely under-cooked burgers to customers. He was hired based on his supposed background as a cook.

- Kenny regularly drops items into fryers. We've gone through multiple plastic tongs in the last week because he's dropped them into the adjacent fryer and melted them. He also lost both his car-keys and his hat within the span of a week.

- Kenny is incapable of cleaning dishes unless directly aided by another coworker. If not. he'll just spray dishes with a jet of water for 10 seconds or so, before placing them back where they came from, chunks of food and all!

- Kenny is allergic to peanuts, and did not disclose this during the hiring process. We only found out when he had a reaction in the middle of this first shift, and ended up sneezing and slobbering all over the condiment station, which then had to be completely sterilized.

At this point, the other coworkers and I are taking bets as to when he'll be laid off. When I asked one of the late-night managers how long she thought he'd last, she replied: "He's white, middle-aged, and working the closing-shift at a fast-food establishment. He's gonna be here forever." :smith:

:psyduck: but also :smith:

SHVPS4DETH
Mar 19, 2009

seen so much i'm going blind
and i'm brain-dead virtually





Ramrod XTreme

PBJ posted:

So, a few weeks ago, my workplace hired a rather interesting man named Kenny. Let me tell you some things about him:

- Kenny looks like what happens when an emaciated alien tries to blend into human society. He also attempted to wear his fedora into his first day of work (we have corporate-provided visors).

- Kenny cannot do basic arithmetic, as we found out when we tried to teach him to work one of the registers.

- Kenny does not know the difference between grilled and breaded chicken breasts. When informed that grilled chicken breasts do not go in the pressure fryer, he then placed the raw chicken on the burger grill, cross-contaminating it in the process.

- Kenny does not know how to cook red meat, and attempted multiple times in a single hour to serve severely under-cooked burgers to customers. He was hired based on his supposed background as a cook.

- Kenny regularly drops items into fryers. We've gone through multiple plastic tongs in the last week because he's dropped them into the adjacent fryer and melted them. He also lost both his car-keys and his hat within the span of a week.

- Kenny is incapable of cleaning dishes unless directly aided by another coworker. If not. he'll just spray dishes with a jet of water for 10 seconds or so, before placing them back where they came from, chunks of food and all!

- Kenny is allergic to peanuts, and did not disclose this during the hiring process. We only found out when he had a reaction in the middle of this first shift, and ended up sneezing and slobbering all over the condiment station, which then had to be completely sterilized.

At this point, the other coworkers and I are taking bets as to when he'll be laid off. When I asked one of the late-night managers how long she thought he'd last, she replied: "He's white, middle-aged, and working the closing-shift at a fast-food establishment. He's gonna be here forever." :smith:

I have so many questions about so many things you've said here.

1. Drugs. Not so much a question as an answer. He is on drugs. Take it from a cook. He's on drugs. Bad drugs.
2. Why isn't anyone asking him what the gently caress he's doing? Especially with regard to the dishing.
3. What does "cross-contaminated" mean to you? If it's above 350 (and god help you if it isn't) then the difference between raw and cooked is a few minutes at most
4. Why do you have plastic implements anywhere near a fryer?
5. In what world do fast food cooks get "laid off"? Non-US or something? Because this guy wouldn't last a week anywhere I've worked.

Also if you're US I'm willing to bet you work at Dairy Queen.

cash crab
Apr 5, 2015

all the time i am eating from the trashcan. the name of this trashcan is ideology


Cross-posted from IoSM:

Krispy Kareem posted:

Back when I worked at an all-you-can-eat soup and salad bar we had a customer who would go on bulimic episodes, eating plate after plate of food and repeatedly puking it up in the bathroom and making a horrific mess. So one day the manager had enough and just locked the bathroom. She hung out near the restrooms and would let people in one-at-a-time but when puking guy walked back there she disappeared. Imagine that scene from Alien, but no place for the xenophobe to go. I don't want to think what someone found in the parking lot that night.

Radio Help
Mar 22, 2007

ChipChip? 

SHUPS 4 DETH posted:

5. In what world do fast food cooks get "laid off"? Non-US or something? Because this guy wouldn't last a week anywhere I've worked.

I got laid off once when a quarter of the restaurant burned down due to an electrical fire, but that's just about the only situation I can think of where you'll actually get laid off in the US instead of getting straight up fired (if you're in a right-to-work state like me), or at least ghosted off the schedule.

That being said, fast food places in lovely towns (or that have lovely managers) can definitely get in a place where they won't fire an obviously crap employee just because it isn't worth the effort to find a replacement. Standards are loooooooow in some places.

ToxicSlurpee
Nov 5, 2003

-=SEND HELP=-


Pillbug

Radio Help posted:

I got laid off once when a quarter of the restaurant burned down due to an electrical fire, but that's just about the only situation I can think of where you'll actually get laid off in the US instead of getting straight up fired (if you're in a right-to-work state like me), or at least ghosted off the schedule.

That being said, fast food places in lovely towns (or that have lovely managers) can definitely get in a place where they won't fire an obviously crap employee just because it isn't worth the effort to find a replacement. Standards are loooooooow in some places.

Generally speaking the food service policy is to make the person's job so lovely that they quit themselves. It passes the blame and is very different from firing. I think there are some legal reasons too related to unemployment and whatnot. It's also literally impossible for somebody to try to sue or report it or whatever if they quit. Typically people will be cut to one day a week and left there until they leave. If they stay anyway it isn't like you're losing much. It's really, really hard to get fired from food service. You basically have to be caught stealing from the store or actively try to get fired. I remember seeing a girl just plain not show up for half her shifts last for two months.

MAKE NO BABBYS
Jan 28, 2010
Jesus Christ, DO NOT WASH THE CHICKEN. ffs.

Skippy McPants
Mar 19, 2009

MAKE NO BABBYS posted:

Jesus Christ, DO NOT WASH THE CHICKEN. ffs.

I still don't understand why people do this. With chicken or any other meat, really. What are you intending to rinse off that 450 degrees of heat will not incinerate?

SHVPS4DETH
Mar 19, 2009

seen so much i'm going blind
and i'm brain-dead virtually





Ramrod XTreme

Skippy McPants posted:

I still don't understand why people do this. With chicken or any other meat, really. What are you intending to rinse off that 450 degrees of heat will not incinerate?

eww it's just that icky slimy *hrnk* texture to it that you can safely remove with paper/tea towels or just wash your hands after handling it. ewwww!

Also you can wear gloves if you're that much of a babby about raw chicken but whatever.

RareAcumen
Dec 28, 2012




people get told this from their parents, their parents tell them to do it and then the cycle continues until evidence comes out that say, 'hey, actually you don't need to do this' it's not that complicated

plain blue jacket
Jan 13, 2014

IT DOESN'T STOP
IT NEVER STOPS
how do you sterilize an entire condiment station

:chanpop:

SHVPS4DETH
Mar 19, 2009

seen so much i'm going blind
and i'm brain-dead virtually





Ramrod XTreme

RareAcumen posted:

people get told this from their parents, their parents tell them to do it and then the cycle continues until evidence comes out that say, 'hey, actually you don't need to do this' it's not that complicated

The most common source of this is in fact Julia Child who, despite being amazing in a multitude of ways and a near-absolute authority on food, was dead wrong about washing the chicken.


plain blue jacket posted:

how do you sterilize an entire condiment station

:chanpop:

Locate its balls and cut them off. That or a giant autoclave which you'll find most reputable fast food establishments have on hand.

RareAcumen
Dec 28, 2012




SHUPS 4 DETH posted:

eww it's just that icky slimy *hrnk* texture to it that you can safely remove with paper/tea towels or just wash your hands after handling it. ewwww!

Also you can wear gloves if you're that much of a babby about raw chicken but whatever.

People feel safer about eating things if they do something that makes them feel like they're disinfecting it. Also I think it's a fear of salmonella or something.


SHUPS 4 DETH posted:

The most common source of this is in fact Julia Child who, despite being amazing in a multitude of ways and a near-absolute authority on food, was dead wrong about washing the chicken.

If that's the worst thing she was ever wrong about, I'd say that's a pretty good track record. People rinse their fruits, vegetables, and potatoes and now they're doing it to chicken and meat too?! Oh no the horror!

I'm being That Guy because I don't know the dangers you face by rinsing meat off before you cook it, as you can see.

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

There was a GHOST here.
It's gone now.

RareAcumen posted:

I'm being That Guy because I don't know the dangers you face by rinsing meat off before you cook it, as you can see.

There's no use explaining it. You're already dead. :ghost:

SHVPS4DETH
Mar 19, 2009

seen so much i'm going blind
and i'm brain-dead virtually





Ramrod XTreme

RareAcumen posted:

People rinse their fruits, vegetables, and potatoes and now they're doing it to chicken and meat too?! Oh no the horror!

I'm being That Guy because I don't know the dangers you face by rinsing meat off before you cook it, as you can see.

Washing raw meat aersolizes and sprays bacteria all over the place and doing so serves exactly zero purpose. It's making a safe process dangerous.

And yes Julia Child did this wrong and very little else, if anything.

Whiz Palace
Dec 8, 2013
Lidia Bastianich has a recipe for Grandma's Chicken and Potatoes that begins with "rinse the chicken pieces", which I assume is verbatim the way her grandma told her to do it since she doesn't do that in any other recipe.

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McSpergin
Sep 10, 2013

Radio Help posted:

"The easiest way to clean off the blade on this slicer is to take all the blade covers off, turn it on, and rub it down with a green scrubby pad as it's spinning." Ok, honestly I have done this more times than I can count. In my defense, I have my own Kevlar glove and I was also completely aware of how insanely stupid I was being by doing it that way. Don't ever do this unless you're willing to cut off your finger off so you can go home 10 minutes sooner.

Lol I did this for 3 years at a supermarket without gloves. There's careful and there's stupid

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