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Gilganixon posted:You'd be better off getting hit by those nukes than trying a blind jump. There's a table for it and it's usually presented as an option if the book thinks you might lose a fight, but we're meant to win that one pretty easily. Well there's at least got to be a clever way of solving the nuke problem without taking the direct approach. Can't we like, reverse the polarity of our jump field to send the nukes somewhere random?
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Sep 20, 2015 04:07
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Edit: Scratch, this.
Fellbat fucked around with this message at 04:16 on Sep 20, 2015 |
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Sep 20, 2015 04:10
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Applewhite posted:Well there's at least got to be a clever way of solving the nuke problem without taking the direct approach. I resolved the nuke combat already, the planet is defenceless. It was just a tutorial battle.
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Sep 20, 2015 04:13
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Gilganixon posted:I resolved the nuke combat already, the planet is defenceless. It was just a tutorial battle. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Gotcha. Well, teleport the president up to the holodeck and make the holodeck up to look like hell and then tell him the gods are very upset with him. E: if we don't have teleporters then reverse the polarity of our jump field and jump him up.
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Sep 20, 2015 04:21
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>REOPEN COMMUNICATIONS "Alright, we'll level with you. We're not "GODS" in the mythical, religious, "guy in a white robe with a beard" sense. But our technology so far outmatches yours that we might as well be. So you've got once chance: load up whatever pitiful sublight starships you have with your brightest minds, most advanced technology, tastiest foods and hottest babes. Send them up to us, and join our fleet. You're also invited, Tricera-prez. Do this or we'll obliterate your planets and grab what we want from your leftovers. You've got one hour. Here's proof that we can, and will, do this." Then, transmit footage of some random planet being destroyed. If we don't have any, send over a clip from our VHS copy of "World's Funniest Planetary Disasters!"
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Sep 20, 2015 04:26
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Show them footage from Crocdependence Day which is just like Earth's movie Independence Day only with crocs.
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Sep 20, 2015 04:28
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They seem like a scrappy enough bunch - how about trying to kidnap an army of CHILD SOLDIERS? It might be good to have some cannon fodder.
Ponderous Saxon fucked around with this message at 04:36 on Sep 20, 2015 |
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Sep 20, 2015 04:30
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We should hit their ego where it hurts. If they're super atheist, they'll be shocked that their epic love for science and bacon wasn't enough to destroy the threat. Humiliate them by gloating about how Crocodile Jesus stopped the missiles because He's real and also evolution is a lie. Then zap all their textbooks with a ray that makes them creationist textbooks and only offer to turn them back in return for a hefty sum and some slaves.
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Sep 20, 2015 04:36
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Ponderous Saxon posted:They seem like a scrappy enough bunch - how about trying to kidnap an army of CHILD SOLDIERS? It might be good to have some cannon fodder. Land and take their children, to raise as soldiers who worship you as gods and glady die in battle to go to "Crochalla.". The non children shall be taken as foodstock. Scan the planet for anything of value after you eat the president on live radio broadcast.
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Sep 20, 2015 04:43
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Al Borland posted:Land and take their children, to raise as soldiers who worship you as gods and glady die in battle to go to "Crochalla.". The non children shall be taken as foodstock. Scan the planet for anything of value after you eat the president on live radio broadcast. This is the best option
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Sep 20, 2015 05:29
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Beam up some hookers and blow, grab kiss for our child army, blow that mother fucker up, and scavenge whats left.
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Sep 20, 2015 05:42
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Since the God-Grift didn't pay out, maybe it's time to run a scan to see if there is actually anything worthwhile here at all. If there isn't, broadcast "YOU HAVE FAILED YOUR GOD!" to the whole planet before summarily cutting it into pieces with the meson beam.
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Sep 20, 2015 06:01
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They look like a race of plant people or something and are probably stringy and tasteless. Not even worth eating. I vote we cook the atmosphere and float around in the smoke to check if we can get a halfway decent high (after all, plant-people). If not, just chop up the planet with the old death laser and leave.
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Sep 20, 2015 06:23
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drat horror queefs posted:They look like a race of plant people or something and are probably stringy and tasteless. Not even worth eating. Hey now their children can see be used as suicidal soldiers, and vegetables go good in a soup. We just need to find some meaty races to eat.
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Sep 20, 2015 07:52
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Al Borland posted:Land and take their children, to raise as soldiers who worship you as gods and glady die in battle to go to "Crochalla.". The non children shall be taken as foodstock. Scan the planet for anything of value after you eat the president on live radio broadcast. No way man, we don't want to manage a for-real boots-on-the-ground occupation. That'll take years and our crew is obviously less competent than the Bush administration. They spurned us, we can't let that slide. Smite them, take what we can, and get out. Edit: Can we like melt the icecaps or something? Wanna leave some people left alive as a warning to other passersby. Dogstoyevsky fucked around with this message at 09:50 on Sep 20, 2015 |
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Sep 20, 2015 08:11
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Fire a warning shot into the second largest piece of civilization you can see. And then hall them with your demands and threats
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Sep 20, 2015 08:13
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Let god (us) sort em out
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Sep 20, 2015 08:40
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Dogstoyevsky posted:No way man, we don't want to manage a for-real boots-on-the-ground occupation. That'll take years and our crew is obviously less competent than the Bush administration. this isn't boots on the ground. This is a smash n grab. We grab a bunch of kids and children, the adults we eat and take along like cattle. We grab anything valuable we see and we leave everything burning in flames.
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Sep 20, 2015 10:43
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maybe we can teleport up their leader and hold him for ransom or something, theres gotta be some way to make scratch off this planet alternately get sentient space plant baked like drat horror queefs said
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Sep 20, 2015 12:44
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demand a sacrifice (meal) for every crewman
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Sep 20, 2015 13:14
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I'm confused everyone kept talking about some Drinky bird guy yet I see no scan of him. Just a shut in guy. Where is the Drinky bird guy damnit.
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Sep 20, 2015 13:48
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Bum the Sad posted:I'm confused everyone kept talking about some Drinky bird guy yet I see no scan of him. Just a shut in guy. Where is the Drinky bird guy damnit. Here's the guy, one of the worst crew members in the game:  So far it looks like we're going for the smash & grab : beam down, swipe somethings(s) or someone(s) and haul tail. We'll need an away team for this mission - have a think about who we're sending down there while I scan in the pages. The game usually lets you send four crew and they either have to be serving bridge officers or redshirts, who have default (lovely) stats. If you think the Caiman officers are worthless, wait until you see the B-team.
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Sep 20, 2015 14:09
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Oh I'm retarded. This is what happens when I wake up half drunk at 6am and try to follow this thread on my phone.
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Sep 20, 2015 14:17
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I propose we send: Ghengis Rex (for muscle) Blind Pew (for his expertise in treasure hunting) Chubbs McKenzie (so he doesn't blow up the planet accidentally during the mission) and one redshirt. Are Redshirts chosen randomly from the deck or can we pick? If we can pick I choose Earl Lord Sir Billingsbert Wertwhistle Pewterghast IV ESQ. his exceptionally high inbreeding coefficient makes him very expendable.
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Sep 20, 2015 15:28
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Update Found the options for the last page:   One thing I forgot is that after every battle you roll for the "command issue" for every bridge member. That's Crapulence for crocs. For each crew member you roll 1d6, and if it comes up equal to or lower than their current CRAPULENCE you add their initial CRAPULENCE to their current CRAPULENCE (I enjoy writing this word). This can only go up once per crew member per sector unless the text specifies, but you often have to test for it several times a sector. Initial scores of 2 or above are pretty dangerous if you want to keep the crew member around for long - the consequences of a higher CRAPULENCE score than the captain can handle are pretty awful. I checked for all crew and our Engineer (with 2 crapulence) failed. He's now Crapulence 4. Once he gets to 6 he will automatically increase by 2 each sector, making crisis inevitable (more on this later). Our total CRAPULENCE is now 9, which is still safe, but watch that engineer. Anyway we decided to issue a few threats and get down to the planet to claim our prizes. This involves turning to 81:  That's a result. Turning to 180:   It takes a day to prep and launch an away team. Most significant actions in this game take a day for one reason or another. It's now 2047.256 - two days in. We still have 8 days to clear beyond the first white line and only one more system on the way there. Once the hangovers clear and we get planetside it immediately turns into a disgusting mess, of course. This is a tutorial fight - it shows you what's going to happen on the same page you pick your away team and the enemies are pretty weak. Don't get used to this kind of treatment. Anyway we need to make three decisions to get past this page: 1. Who's going on the away mission?Any crew you take down will need to take another crapulence test, aside from the captain who will lose personal energy (and the engineer, who's as crapulent as he gets for now). We have to bring at least 1 bridge member, which can include the Cap'n. 2. What two items are we going to take if (when) we win that fight? 3. What's the next move once we're back aboard? I remember the book giving up the option to blast the planet or walk away, but there might be another option I've forgotten. Starship Manifest:  ------ Applewhite posted:I propose we send: Redshirts are random lesser Caimans that are lurking around the ship. They benefit from crew weapons but have worse stats overall. Caiman crew members usually have a combat expertise of 5, redshirts have 4. They're supposed to be expendable and you bring them along to avoid exposing your decent crew members to instant death on strange worlds. After this battle we will have covered all the main mechanics of the game so it won't get a pile more complicated from here on out. Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 12:55 on Sep 21, 2015 |
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Sep 20, 2015 21:12
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Do we just pick any item from the deck as loot?
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Sep 20, 2015 21:58
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Applewhite posted:Do we just pick any item from the deck as loot? As usual there's a list but that dickhead Two-Fisted Steve ripped off that bit of the page. Still looking for it, sorry. E: just go from memory or pick whatever might be fun from the deck if you can't recall what's on offer Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 22:12 on Sep 20, 2015 |
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Sep 20, 2015 22:04
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chubbs mckenzie and three redshirts will get the job done
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Sep 20, 2015 22:17
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Well it's a primitive planet so it probably only has poo poo-tier loot. There's no way we'd draw The Coat of Many Colors or Staff of Summon Scorpions here. If we go digging there's a chance we might find a random Infinnial Artifact but those are really rare. I say we grab a few thousand pairs of bluejeans to trade on primitive planets later and also some slaves.
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Sep 20, 2015 22:22
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Grab whatever primitive alien rotgut looks expensive, maybe it'll keep the bridge boys in check. When you give it to them call it "vintage" or "artisan" or something. My granddad always said you don't need to be a spacefaring civilization to make some good booze.
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Sep 20, 2015 22:25
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I think we should go for the nuclear steam-powered battle armor to give a redshirt on away teams better stats. I'm sure we could cram one of the smaller crocs into it.
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Sep 20, 2015 22:29
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Rex and some redshirts. Their planets most holy artifact (even if it's useless playing croc is about prestige), and their brightest minds. Even if backwards these guys are on the up and up. Promise them salvation from the oncoming threat. Speaking of which, don't waste the energy on blowing them up. That'll happen anyways... unless you guy want to salt the earth. That is viable.
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Sep 20, 2015 22:30
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Do they have computer games? A race of atheists has probably made tremendous advancements in dating sim technology. We could distribute them to pacify some of our more crapulent crew members.
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Sep 20, 2015 22:31
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Wait are these guys plants? maybe we just smoke them in a different way. edit: this will definitely help our navigator's crapulence. Fellbat fucked around with this message at 22:35 on Sep 20, 2015 |
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Sep 20, 2015 22:33
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Fellbat posted:Rex and some redshirts. Seconded don't waste any time blowing them up, but do warn them of the oncoming threat so their society's last days will be ones of chaos and panic.
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Sep 20, 2015 22:35
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I vote we bring the Cap'n, two redshirts and that Crapulent Engineer. After we're safe and we've got our loot, order the redshirts to shoot the engineer, then shoot each other. Then beam back to our ship, make up some story about the savages we encountered, and meson beam the whole system to cover our tracks. So long, Crapulence!
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Sep 20, 2015 22:50
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Since inheritance defaults to the captain in the event of lack of successors, we should send Chubbs Mckenzie with three redshirts. The recent events of near-genocide have rendered him without viable heirs or successors for estate proceedings, and he also happens to be fourth by wealth on the ship. No matter the events that unfold on the planet's surface, it will be win-win. Edit: Changed crew member to send because I misremembered some of the crew member backstory comedyblissoption fucked around with this message at 00:12 on Sep 21, 2015 |
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Sep 21, 2015 00:02
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If the armor isn't available, then the Nuclear Steam-powered Espresso Machine would be a good option, too. I can't remember if it can be used for an energy boost or crapulence reduction, but I recall it being useful, too. If memory serves it can produce Nuclear Caramel Macchiatos every 2 days or so.
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Sep 21, 2015 00:08
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RE: Page 83 It's B5. Always choose B5. B5 is the superior station.
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Sep 21, 2015 03:08
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Applewhite posted:RE: Page 83 But D9 is real! Don't you understand? It's REAL!
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Sep 21, 2015 03:52
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