johnfw50 posted:

Pick'em
Bombers take, rest retain

e: Pick'em Standings https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1clENZgLQ6sQfSOMxGPUgHR1PndyW9qDO525Ayjd99kk/edit#gid=206936001

FairGame posted:

I do love Olerud, and Palmeiro can pretend to play LF. Let me think on this. The offer is fair, but I'm not real sure how much it helps me this season. So I'm inclined to wait until after the season to figure out a plan.

Mentholmoose, as you might imagine, "olerud and Palmeiro" is a better offer than "olerud or old musial." If I could play Musial at DH I'd probably consider it, but then that leaves me with Ross Barnes in the field and gently caress that.

Keith Wuncler CXXXIV posted:

CHERRY PIES GO BACK TO BEING BAD, SADLY LOSE BELTS TO MONATHIN

Howston -- If these teams were going to get relegated, it was clear one was taking the path of resistance, fighting every step of the way and raging against that good night. The other, already in an opiate fugue state, opted to up the dosage on the narcotics and slip away painlessly oblivious to all around them. So when the Hol Horses swept the Cherry Pies and took the European title, it was less a contest than an act of grave robbing.

The last game of the series, clinching the title for Triple H, is scarcely worth the trouble of writing about. Aside from a half-hearted run in the 1st, and an RBI single in the 4th, the Cherry Pies came up to the plate, stared vacantly at the pitcher and slapped at the ball with the full force that the track marked arms of a long time heroin junkie can muster. The Hol Horses, full of masculine vigor that even this jaded reporter cannot deny, hit with apparent impunity, driving in 6, as if they needed more than the pair of runs in the 2nd to win. They did it because they could, to merely emphasize the point that they were not dead and would not die if it could be so helped.

Monathin, attempting to heft the belt as only an otaku raised on a diet of Pocky and Mountain Dew could, finally had Gehrig assist him in lifting it over his head. "Hey, look I'm grateful that the Cherry Pies rolled over like an adorable dog in one of my Japanese animes, but to survive in this place you have to show more heart than that!" Inexplicably taking the time to pose in a bodybuilder stance and making Gehrig distinctly uncomfortable, he continued: "this series was so dull! I tried to make Chuck [Klein] do a bat flip when he hit that dinger but he wouldn't have any of that.

"This is a fantastical place where you can meet Babe Ruth, have Willie Mays be an underachiever, and even get Lou Gehrig!" Monathin nodded at Gehrig as he said this, who in turn shifted awkwardly in place. "There aren't even any bench-clearing brawls. The divisional series was more exciting!" Arms finally exhausted, Monathin dropped them to the side, leaving Gehrig to clutch the belt by himself. "Meanwhile Smasher writes this fantastical piece mixing iambic pentameter with today's post-modern sensibility with regards to making meta statements about the genre. I'm sure the hack recording this is going to make me look like some clichéd geek.

"Come on! Surely something can be done about the dreadful poo poo that gets put out as a game recap! Put in a poem or something, I dunno."

Kouerson was going to be consulted but that would involve trying to unravel what the gently caress the second season of Twin Peaks was about and no one has time for that.

GAME NOTES

- As if to emphasize how boring this game was, it took all of two and a half hours to complete.

- Really, there's nothing to discuss here. A bunch of players got some hits, the Cherry Pies popped out.

- Fine, be that way:

An Ode to the Sub-Par
Cherry Pies are red
Hol Horses aren't really blue
if you were expecting good poetry, gently caress you.

The Pan Man posted:

CAMPAIGN SHAKEUP AS FIGHTING ROMNEYS WIN AGAIN!

Wherever The Gay Agenda are Based - It was a surprise to one person, at least.

(SENATOR RAND PAUL heaves another tired sigh. He provides one last minor adjustment to the lineup from the CAMPAIGN BUS: a dilapidated 1977 Volkswagon Transporter. The webcam on his laptop lights up as he begins his weekly podcast on the state of the OUTSOURCING KINGS, RAPPING WITH RAND.

: Boy. Some other owners are questioning this team, wondering if we're even here. If I'm even a manager.

: Let me tell you, if I wasn't a manager, I wouldn't be doing this dumbass podcast.

: At least the owner's back now though, and actually making picks. If we're gonna keep this campaign going, we're going to need...


SENATOR PAUL frowns as he sees #ROMNEY blowing up on TWITTER. A picture rises to the top of his feed.




: Uh oh.


A press conference begins. FORMER GOVERNOR OF MASSACHUSETTS AND TEAM PRESIDENT MITT ROMNEY begins addressing a curious crowd of reporters.


: I would like to thank you all for coming out to see me, it's great to feel loved like this!


The assembled reporters inform MITT that they do not, in fact, love him, and only showed up because their producers had been promised a newsworthy story.


: I understand. I deserve that. The managing of my team has always been short of the lofty goals I set for myself and for America.

: This time though, it's different. A man has been leading my team for the last few months, a man of vision and greatness. A man filled with patriotic fervor.

: Finally, some goddamn respect and appreciation!

: Donald Trump!

: Thank you Mitt. I am very glad you have brought me in to make the Outsourcing Kings great again.


HUMAN CANCER DONALD TRUMP wags a finger at the assembled reporters, jaws agape in surprise.


: Make no mistake, they will be great again, if for no other reason than because I'm now a part of it. I'll make them so great they won't even outsource any more, other countries will outsource to US.

: Isn't he great? Ha ha ha!

See now look at this game here, today. It was my first one as manager. It was against a pretty good team, the Gay Agenda. And I mean it makes sense, they all have fabulous hair, like you and me, Mitt.


Everyone froze in place until MITT ROMNEY realized he was supposed to laugh in the brief pause.


: Ha ha ha too true!

: So as you all know, I know pitching. I know pitching real well, I know it when I see it, I've done it before...

: See! It's easy!

: So I pointed at Adam Wainwright and said "Hey, Waino, how bout you pitch good?" And he said "sure, for you Donald." And so he did!

: We are talking about a yooge effort here, 7 innings, only one run. See, that is pitching under a Trump managed team.

: And Troy Glaus, he said he wasn't sure how to do it, so I told him to hit the ball hard. A double and a homer later, boom. Two RBIs. One more than we needed!

: I think it's clear that there's only one leader who has the guts and vision to bring us to the promised land, past the finish line. A real straight shooter.

: You know I'm good because I'm so rich I don't need this job. I could walk away at any time. If we look like we're losing, I'll just walk away. I don't need this.

: Wait what?

: We're going to win so big, you don't worry.

: Oh, ha ha ha! Okay!

: Well poo poo.

: I guess I need to find a new way to make my dad proud.

GAME NOTES

- Mark Buehrle has a happy ending in fantasy land, at least

- Superleague ace Adam Wainwright? Really? Huh. Okay.

Mick Freese posted:

DIAMOND DOGS CAP OFF STUNNING WEEK, BEAT MIKES IN GRAMATIC FASHION

Akabira - This was not a week that the moribund Diamond Dogs were looking forward to. Firmly entrenched in last place, they had to play possibly the two scariest teams in the Sub-Par League in succession. Vegas decided that, instead of offering odds on each game, they would simply allow bettors to pick whether the Dogs would win 1 game or not.

So the fact that grinnblade's squadron was sitting at 4-1, with a chance to sweep the Killer Mikes out of town, was a bit of a surprise. grinnblade was certainly happy about it, but not as happy as he could be, what with facing the top strikeout artist in the Sub-Par League (non-Schilling division) in Rube Waddell. And indeed, after six innings, the Killer Mikes held a 1-0 lead, well on their way to a close, but easy win.

Then the Diamond Dogs scored 9 runs in the seventh inning.

grinnblade managed to stay in his chair just long enough to put Tom Acker in the game before falling backward out of it. So he didn't really notice when Acker gave up three home runs. Then he let more runners on base. Then he let more runs score. Finally, it became a SAVE SITUATION, and grinnblade decided it was time to bring in Hoyt Wilhelm, who closed out the game with no further damage.

"Unfortunately, winning is one of those things that gets easier the more you do it," grinnblade lamented after the game, "I just lost my head out there for a minute. It's easy to forget what a win is in the middle of the battlefield. But sometimes, everything just goes right. It wasn't exactly like one of my Japanese animes, but we got through in the end with the victory." Grinnblade paused, taking a long drag of his cigarette. "This game didn't much matter. None of our games will. That's just the way it is for my teams. But what little time we have left will be spent playing... as a beast. A shadow... of the Potatoes."

tatankatonk was much less deep. "gently caress rear end poo poo. You guys realize we would be in first place right now, right? If we could win ONE loving GAME AGAINST THE DIAMOND DOGS? Jesus Christ. We were there, at the top. And you guys know that All Day I Dream About Striking down CraigK. So forgive me for being a little frustrated right now." tatankatonk sighed. "Back to work. Patience. Soon we'll be back in the Super-League."

"Super-League??" grinnblade responded. He then went into a 45-minute-long speech, giving tatankatonk enough time to escape before GenericGirlName came to yell at him about the Winners.

GAME NOTES

- Tulo is good at defense. And also at hitting! At least in this game.

- Rube Waddell normally would have been happy to strike out more than a batter per inning. Then he gave up 7 hits in one.

- Gramatic (adj.) - Of or relating to Bill Gramatica. Gramatica is most well-known for tearing his ACL in celebration of a meaningless field goal, basically causing the end of his NFL career after just 13 games. Quite an accomplishment.

Ice To Meet You posted:

Diamond Dogs go 5-1 on the week, including a sweep of the Killer Mikes

Monicro posted:

Expansion Cup XVI April: Kensei Dies At The End

kensei posted:

I don't even know what that is supposed to be, but if you don't want me here just say so

Smasher Dynamo posted:

Super-League XVII, Week 19 Injury Report

Chicago Southpaws
Randy Johnson (SP) (You were right to be concerned) - 12 days

Monicro posted:

It is a gif of a grumpily cheering rays fans because all the rays on your team are bad so far

Archie Goodwin posted:

Pete Ladd posted: