LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

Thin Privilege posted:

My eyes rolled out of my head.

and why #funny pictures ? For views?

canyoneer posted:

Did Rasputin have a notable schlong or something? Is there some truth behind that stupid Boney M song?

EmmyOk posted:

all mock threads should be gassed for 6-12 months before being restarted because they are all more full of "this could totally happen" "I am most/least grossed out by this" circlejerking and terrible reddit level repeated jokes.

quote:

The Art Of Parenting
ART GALLERY | BRISBANE, QLD, AUSTRALIA | BAD BEHAVIOR, CRIMINAL/ILLEGAL, FAMILY & KIDS
(I work as a security guard for an art gallery that features paintings by local artists. Today, we are auctioning off some of the older paintings to make way for some newer ones. The paintings that will be auctioned are displayed in one particular room, and I am the guard for this room. When this happens, there are a few customers already here. A well-dressed lady with her young son in tow enter. She leaves her child unattended while looking at the paintings.)

Me: “Ma’am, may I request that you keep an eye on your son? We wouldn’t want him to get in any trouble, would we?

Lady: “Yes, yes, I know.” *returns to paintings, disregarding child*

(I think nothing of it, as the child is only a few meters away from the mother. But, a few minutes later, as I am distracted with another customer asking about the auction, another customer starts shouting.)

Me: “Sir, can you…”

Male Customer: “Mister! That child is drawing on one of the paintings!”

(I immediately turn around in horror, to see the little boy scribbling on one of our prized pieces with a white-out pen.)

Me: “Ma’am! Please get your son under control! He is defacing the painting!”

Lady: “Whatever. Leave me alone. Can’t you see I’m trying to appreciate the art?”

(I walk over to the young boy, who can’t be older than five, and gently take his hand. Speaking soothing words, I lead him over to his mother.)

Me: “Ma’am, I would like you to keep your child under control.” *I let go of his hand and he clings onto his mother*

Lady: *gasp* “How DARE you touch my son! He didn’t do anything wrong! I’m going to call for security!”

Me: “Ma’am, I AM security. Your son was scribbling on this painting, and I stopped him.”

Lady: “Well, I never! I am never coming back here! The paintings are s***ty, the security is terrible, and I bet your artists are poor homeless f***s who splat paint on canvas for a penny an hour!”

Me: “…. Ma’am, the painting your son just defaced—”

Lady: *snorts* “Defaced?! These paintings are so bad, he probably made it better!”

Male Customer: “Miss! I have been quiet up until now, but you are being a right b**** to this guard!” *to me* “Show her the painting!”

(I lead her other to the painting. It happens to be a beautiful oil painting of the city, now with a white scribble across it.)

Me: “If you would just look at the plaque, this is a oil painting by [Respected Local Artist] that would have been auctioned at around $7500. Now, you will have to pay for it, since your son defaced it.”

Lady: *obviously recognising the name, turning deathly pale and sputtering in horror* “You should have told me to keep an eye on my child! This is NOT my fault! You hear me?! NOT MY FAULT!!”

(She gave us an answer soon enough. She grabbed her son’s arm and dashed away to the exit. Luckily, the guards outside caught her. She ended up paying $7500 for the painting, and was banned from the gallery. The kicker? She filed a complaint on our website for “not warning her of the danger of children in a gallery.”)

Khazar-khum posted:

Art.

Weatherman posted:

No one involved in that "story" -- the writer, the characters, the editor, the owners of the art gallery, the innocent bystanders -- have ever been to Brisbane, let alone Australia, or could even identify Australia on a map. Nothing in that story makes sense for Brisbane. And now someone can quote this post in the schadenfroody thread because I'm getting riled up by poo poo that didn't happen.

Catnipped posted:

The comments:

Khazar-khum posted:

Art.

Testekill posted:

Brisbane doesn't have respected local artists, they don't have respected local anythings. It's Brisbane, the place is loving lame.

Khazar-khum posted:

We wouldn’t want him to get in any trouble, would we?

Solice Kirsk posted:

My roommate almost hit a 20 something year old guy with his car when he was parallel parking the other day. Dude walked right in between our car and the one we were slowly backing up to. My roommate honked and the kid flicked us off. I got out, grabbed the phone he was texting on, and threw it into the park. He called me mean names as I walked away.

MariusLecter posted:

Solice Kirsk posted:

My roommate almost hit a 20 something year old guy with his car when he was parallel parking the other day. Dude walked right in between our car and the one we were slowly backing up to. My roommate honked and the kid flicked us off. I got out, grabbed the phone he was texting on, and threw it into the park. He called me mean names as I walked away.

Na'at posted:

How did the AUG thread get gassed but this one is still going strong after the previous 900 pages of "ZOMG Albert Einstein Lol guys"

flosofl posted:

The mod was... Albert Einstein.

flosofl posted:

The mod was... Albert Einstein.

Rickycat posted:

*stands up and claps*

Rickycat posted:

*stands up and claps*

Na'at posted:

Liberal ACLU! HAHAHAHA Get it

Na'at posted:

Liberal ACLU! HAHAHAHA Get it

goose fleet posted:

Na'at posted:

How did the AUG thread get gassed but this one is still going strong after the previous 900 pages of "ZOMG Albert Einstein Lol guys"

https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromRetail/comments/3pke2q/spoiled_brat_and_the_awesome_dad/ posted:

MediumSpoiled Brat and the Awesome Dad (self.TalesFromRetail)
submitted 1 day ago * by DPNovitzky

Greetings, TFR! It's DPNovitzky, back again with another rousing tale from the auto sales part of retail. So park your butts on the floor, chair, heck, stand there if you want! It's story time!

Dramatis Personae
Awesome Dad........................................................Robert Downey, Jr.
Spoiled Brat...........................................................Julia Childs
Me........................................................................John Cho

We now join our hero as he attempts to beat his head into the desk sell SB a vehicle...

Me (Standing next to a used 2012 BMW 328xi Coupe): As you can see, this is going to be the best fit for your budget and needs, not to mention some of the high end features you were looking for.

SB: I don't want a used car, I ONLY get new cars.

Dad (Giving me an exasperated look): Sweetie, I don't know WHAT your mom told you, but I am not buying you a new car. Besides, you don't get ANY cars. This is your FIRST ONE.

SB (Whining): But SUSAN got a brand new Mercedes for her graduation!

I stared at her, mentally banging my head against the glass of the BMW. I imagined it shattering and killing me in the process.

Me: Yes, but your dad told me that he has a certain budget to work with. This is a very nice car, with less than 20,000 miles on it. It runs and drives like new. (Turning to dad) Wow, that sounded cliche. I apologize!

Dad (Laughing): Sure was, but I think that I'll take it despite your cliche outburst!

We headed inside while SB tapped away angrily on her phone.

<Insert boring negotiation montage here>

Dad: Well, I think that does it, I think we have a deal. Thank y---

SB(Annoyed): Are you <ducking> serious? Dad I am not driving some used car. Even Miranda, the poor girl got a new Toyota.

Dad(Angrily): I am not buying a new car. Maybe you can ask your mom to do that. Oh wait, she would rather spend her money on a vacation to Italy and NOT take her daughter!

SB launches into a tirade of cursing, screaming and generally throwing a tantrum. Dad stands up calmly, shakes my hand and apologizes.

Dad: Well, /u/dpnovitzky. It looks like my daughter has a lot to learn about appreciating free things. Maybe her friends will let her ride in their new cars, cause she will be taking the bus. And she'll need to get a job now to pay for that.

SB(Eyes wide): I'm sorry daddy, I want the car now....

Dad: Too late, SB. You just dug yourself into a hole. Better ask your mom in two weeks when she gets back from Italy.

SB proceeded to run outside crying, while her dad shook my hand. Oddly, I felt something crinkle into my palm and I looked down to find that he shoved a hundred dollar bill in there.

Dad: That's for wasting your time and costing you money. But that spoiled girl isn't getting a car from me. Let her stepfather get her one.

Me: Thanks. I definitely appreciate it. And best of luck.

He walked out and got into his car, then they both took off again. Not two weeks later the spoiled brat came back, and was driving a broken down old Honda. Turns out that that is the car her new dad got her, paid a whopping $500 for it and it needed service.

She didn't even look at me as she walked in.

Score: Awesome Dad - 1,000,000 points | SB - One hefty repair bill.

Edit: it was indeed a 328xi coupe. I sell new Mazdas, so BMW naming conventions are beyond me.

quote:

Me: Yes, but your dad told me that he has a certain budget to work with. This is a very nice car, with less than 20,000 miles on it. It runs and drives like new. (Turning to dad) Wow, that sounded cliche. I apologize!

Dad (Laughing): Sure was, but I think that I'll take it despite your cliche outburst!

quote:

Won’t Be Tricked Out Of His Treat
HOME IMPROVEMENT, RETAIL | CHICAGO, IL, USA | AWESOME WORKERS, FOOD & DRINK, HOLIDAYS, THEME OF THE MONTH
(I am shopping with my parents at a home improvement store during the Halloween season. There is a skeleton on display that has candy on it.)

Dad: *reaches for candy*

Mom: “Don’t take that! It’s for display!”

Dad: “It looks like samples to me.”

(We head to the cash registers to make a purchase. A woman who appears to be the manager is with the cashier.)

Dad: “Just curious, is the candy on the Halloween display free?”

Manager: “I would expect…”

Dad: *to Mom* “Ha! I told you!”

Mom: “You gonna go back and get some?”

Dad: “Nah.”

Manager: “I’ll go get you some.”

(The manager actually goes and gets us some candy.)

Dad: “Thank you!”