tech bubble: Make someone ugly cry. Adobe can help.

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Notorious b.s.d.: Jan 25, 2003; by Reene

Nelson MandEULA posted:

what else am i supposed to do? i need a home to go back to.

you're supposed to put your bulky possessions in storage, and stay in lovely transient housing whenever you're not on base. you know, like every other navy jerkwad.

you don't "need" a "home" to go back to that is a blight on your neighbors for the 10 months of the year you don't occupy it.

# ? Oct 24, 2015 18:34

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 13:15

Luigi Thirty: Apr 30, 2006; Emergency confection port.

Nelson MandEULA posted:

what else am i supposed to do? i need a home to go back to. i don't have any family in this country, i don't have a significant other. i live in london now and this is my home, so i'd like to be able to come back to somewhere familiar when i'm on leave. so this seems like a pretty decent option.

the only other sensible choice would be to rent a place in plymouth, but why would i want to spend my time off from the navy in the navy's home town? plus that doesn't even account for the time when i'd be at the academy in dartmouth.

literally and unironically disembowel yourself with a fork

# ? Oct 24, 2015 18:43

Nelson MandEULA: Feb 27, 2011; "...the biggest shitbag
I have ever met."

wow it's really great to be back in the pos guys!

# ? Oct 24, 2015 18:50

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

Nelson MandEULA posted:

i'd be most worried about keeping the flat in good order, but i figure i could let it out a week or less at a time and make sure its thoroughly cleaned and inspected between each stay.

how on earth would this work while you're, you know, out to sea

# ? Oct 24, 2015 18:50

Nelson MandEULA: Feb 27, 2011; "...the biggest shitbag
I have ever met."

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

how on earth would this work while you're, you know, out to sea

hire someone to do it?

# ? Oct 24, 2015 18:59

Nintendo Kid: Aug 4, 2011; by Smythe

Nelson MandEULA posted:

hire someone to do it?

do you really think you'd be coming out ahead on the deal?

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:03

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

how about you just not join the loving military? you'd simultaneously make the world a better place by slightly weakening the military-industrial complex, there's a much lower chance that you'd be ordered to murder civilians, and you could live in your house the entire year without running an illegal hotel!

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:04

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

i think he could make a poo poo load of money but then again hed also be basically darth vader. pwning ppl left and right with no mercy + cruel style

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:05

VAGENDA OF MANOCIDE: Aug 1, 2004; whoa, what just happened here?; College Slice

Smythe posted:

i think he could make a poo poo load of money but then again hed also be basically darth vader. pwning ppl left and right with no mercy + cruel style

you don't get to be darth vader tho

at best the guy darth vader chokes

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:07

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

what does britain's navy even do these days besides pretend to be a nuclear power with the trident missiles we gave them?

i'm genuinely curious, does it keep the channel free of pirates or something?

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:07

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

broken clock opsec posted:

you don't get to be darth vader tho

at best the guy darth vader chokes

i can settle for that

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:11

Luigi Thirty: Apr 30, 2006; Emergency confection port.

Parallel Paraplegic posted:

what does britain's navy even do these days besides pretend to be a nuclear power with the trident missiles we gave them?

i'm genuinely curious, does it keep the channel free of pirates or something?

shoots recruiting commercials, pretends to be Fat Russell Crowe

their subs are supposedly falling apart

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:13

SIGSEGV: Nov 4, 2010

Parallel Paraplegic posted:

what does britain's navy even do these days besides pretend to be a nuclear power with the trident missiles we gave them?

i'm genuinely curious, does it keep the channel free of pirates or something?

they have aircraft carriers made that only carry aircraft that can't take off (the f35) and also are diesel powered with a range inferior to that of an actual jet

also they have standing orders from maggie thatcher to nuke ireland and argentina should a nuclear war ever start that have never been repelled

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:14

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

SIGSEGV posted:

they have aircraft carriers made that only carry aircraft that can't take off (the f35) and also are diesel powered with a range inferior to that of an actual jet

also they have standing orders from maggie thatcher to nuke ireland and argentina should a nuclear war ever start that have never been repelled

finally, we can be rid of the 2 most vile living people: Valeyard and Adolf hitler

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:15

Asymmetric POSTer: Aug 17, 2005

SIGSEGV posted:

also they have standing orders from maggie thatcher to nuke ireland and argentina should a nuclear war ever start that have never been repelled

good

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:16

Nelson MandEULA: Feb 27, 2011; "...the biggest shitbag
I have ever met."

please dont besmirch the good name of the royal navy :britain:

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:16

Optimus_Rhyme: Apr 15, 2007; are you that mainframe hacker guy?

Why not do the opossite of your plan? Just rent a place for the time your not at sea. Problem solved.

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:23

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

nelson mandula i wish you good luck and i think u can make hojillion dollars even if you hire a professional manager and the occasion maintenance dude to fix your broken lovely london apartment that you rent to vacationing chinese. please know that you are casuing irreparable damaging the culture and personality of your neighborhood but that you stand to make fat stacks of literally criminal cash. you want to increase the amount u can charge ppl so i recommend "swagging" the place up with mid-century furniture and accouterments. my downstairs neighbor did that even with a 4.5k eames lounger and he rents his place for like a big % of monthly rent per weekend to traveling fucklords who i get to leer at and masturbate to the thought of their perfect bodies inviting me down to give their holiday a more authentic, local taste.

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:24

VAGENDA OF MANOCIDE: Aug 1, 2004; whoa, what just happened here?; College Slice

Smythe posted:

nelson mandula i wish you good luck and i think u can make hojillion dollars even if you hire a professional manager and the occasion maintenance dude to fix your broken lovely london apartment that you rent to vacationing chinese. please know that you are casuing irreparable damaging the culture and personality of your neighborhood but that you stand to make fat stacks of literally criminal cash. you want to increase the amount u can charge ppl so i recommend "swagging" the place up with mid-century furniture and accouterments. my downstairs neighbor did that even with a 4.5k eames lounger and he rents his place for like a big % of monthly rent per weekend to traveling fucklords who i get to leer at and masturbate to the thought of their perfect bodies inviting me down to give their holiday a more authentic, local taste.

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:25

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

SIGSEGV posted:

they have aircraft carriers made that only carry aircraft that can't take off (the f35) and also are diesel powered with a range inferior to that of an actual jet

also they have standing orders from maggie thatcher to nuke ireland and argentina should a nuclear war ever start that have never been repelled

they also have secret orders of what to do if britain has been reduced to a smoldering radioactive crater that can be anything and even include "fire all the nukes at everyone" with all the nuclear authorization codes and everything in the letter so they don't have to get permission first

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:28

fritz: Jul 26, 2003

Nelson MandEULA posted:

please dont besmirch the good name of the royal navy

[ ] rum
[ ] sodomy
[ ] disruption of the hotel industry
[ ] the lash

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:28

hobbesmaster: Jan 28, 2008

Parallel Paraplegic posted:

they also have secret orders of what to do if britain has been reduced to a smoldering radioactive crater that can be anything and even include "fire all the nukes at everyone" with all the nuclear authorization codes and everything in the letter so they don't have to get permission first

thatcher's apparently consisted solely of "Avenge us"

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:30

Nelson MandEULA: Feb 27, 2011; "...the biggest shitbag
I have ever met."

Smythe posted:

please know that you are casuing irreparable damaging the culture and personality of your neighborhood

you have literally no idea of the culture or personality of my city, let alone my neighbourhood

you're all talking like the hmo of celebration, florida. have any of you even been to east london?

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:36

Fuzzy Mammal: Aug 15, 2001; Lipstick Apathy

Trident whistleblower: nuclear 'disaster waiting to happen'

https://wikileaks.org/trident-safety/

lmao

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:37

Asymmetric POSTer: Aug 17, 2005

Smythe posted:

nelson mandula i wish you good luck and i think u can make hojillion dollars even if you hire a professional manager and the occasion maintenance dude to fix your broken lovely london apartment that you rent to vacationing chinese. please know that you are casuing irreparable damaging the culture and personality of your neighborhood but that you stand to make fat stacks of literally criminal cash. you want to increase the amount u can charge ppl so i recommend "swagging" the place up with mid-century furniture and accouterments. my downstairs neighbor did that even with a 4.5k eames lounger and he rents his place for like a big % of monthly rent per weekend to traveling fucklords who i get to leer at and masturbate to the thought of their perfect bodies inviting me down to give their holiday a more authentic, local taste.

its not his apartment

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:41

Luigi Thirty: Apr 30, 2006; Emergency confection port.

fritz posted:

[ ] rum
[ ] sodomy
[ ] disruption of the hotel industry
[ ] the lash

"It is odd how the law always harps upon the unnaturalness of sodomy," observed Stephen. "Though I know at least two judges who are paederasts; and of course barristers ... What will happen to him?"

"Oh, he'll be hanged. Run up at the yard-arm, and boats attending from every ship in the fleet."

"That seems a little extreme."

"Of course it is. Oh, what an infernal bore -- witnesses going over to the flagship by the dozen, days lost ... The Sophie a laughing-stock. Why will they report these things? The goat must be slaughtered -- that's but fair -- and it shall be served out to the mess that informed on him."

"Could you not set them both ashore -- on separate shores, if you have strong feelings on the moral issue -- and sail quietly away?"

"Well," said Jack, whose anger had died down. "Perhaps there is something in what you propose. A dish of tea? You take milk, sir?"

"Goat's milk, sir?"

"Why, I suppose it is."

"Perhaps without milk, then, if you please."

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:44

qirex: Feb 15, 2001

Nelson MandEULA posted:

have any of you even been to east london?

yes and half of it already looks like valencia street or williamsburg

e: I just checked and my favorite pub in shoreditch is now what looks like an office building :smith:

qirex fucked around with this message at 20:13 on Oct 24, 2015

# ? Oct 24, 2015 19:53

qirex: Feb 15, 2001

also lol uber needs more money 3 months after their last billion

quote:

Just three months after raising an enormous sum of money from investors, Uber is at it again.

Uber, a ride-hailing service, is planning to raise close to $1 billion in new venture capital from investors, according to people close to the matter. Investors are looking at a valuation of $60 billion to $70 billion.

If successful, the round of fund-raising would make Uber the world�s most valuable private start-up by far. A round this summer valued the company at more than $50 billion, a bit more than Facebook was valued at after its last big round of private capital fund-raising in 2011.

The furious pace at which Uber has been raising money is every bit as eye-popping as its soaring valuations. The latest round of financing will be the eighth that the company has sought over the last five years.

# ? Oct 24, 2015 20:08

FCKGW: May 21, 2006

Nelson MandEULA posted:

hmo of celebration

mods namechange

# ? Oct 24, 2015 20:13

FCKGW: May 21, 2006

uber ipo is when the bubble pops

# ? Oct 24, 2015 20:14

Dolomite: Jul 26, 2000; Cars & Legs

Parallel Paraplegic posted:

what does britain's navy even do these days besides pretend to be a nuclear power with the trident missiles we gave them?

i'm genuinely curious, does it keep the channel free of pirates or something?

the pirates are all on the navy ships

# ? Oct 24, 2015 20:19

Pinterest Mom: Jun 9, 2009

qirex posted:

also lol uber needs more money 3 months after their last billion

this is probably a "people are willing to give us money and who are we to argue" move, not a "we need the money" move

# ? Oct 24, 2015 20:33

Eugene V. Dubstep: Oct 4, 2013; Can't post for 8 years!

Luigi Thirty posted:

"It is odd how the law always harps upon the unnaturalness of sodomy," observed Stephen. "Though I know at least two judges who are paederasts; and of course barristers ... What will happen to him?"

"Oh, he'll be hanged. Run up at the yard-arm, and boats attending from every ship in the fleet."

"That seems a little extreme."

"Of course it is. Oh, what an infernal bore -- witnesses going over to the flagship by the dozen, days lost ... The Sophie a laughing-stock. Why will they report these things? The goat must be slaughtered -- that's but fair -- and it shall be served out to the mess that informed on him."

"Could you not set them both ashore -- on separate shores, if you have strong feelings on the moral issue -- and sail quietly away?"

"Well," said Jack, whose anger had died down. "Perhaps there is something in what you propose. A dish of tea? You take milk, sir?"

"Goat's milk, sir?"

"Why, I suppose it is."

"Perhaps without milk, then, if you please."

Reading this in Patrick Tull's voice.

# ? Oct 24, 2015 20:36

Pinterest Mom: Jun 9, 2009

yeah this is what i was thinking about. this is why uber is raising money.

Pinterest Mom posted:

man this interview with slack's ceo

quote:

Q. I�m surprised that you�re raising money, because last time we talked you said that you had enough money.

A. Do you have enough money?

Q. No. But it�s not free money, right?

A. It�s pretty straightforward. I�ve been in this industry for 20 years. This is the best time to raise money ever. It might be the best time for any kind of business in any industry to raise money for all of history, like since the time of the ancient Egyptians. It�s certainly the best time for late-stage start-ups to raise money from venture capitalists since this dynamic has been around.

And as a board member and a C.E.O., I have a responsibility to our employees, to our customers. And as a fiduciary, I think it would be almost imprudent for me not to accept $160 million bucks for 5-ish percent of the company when it�s offered on favorable terms.

We don�t have an immediate use for that money. But it increases the value of our stock and can allow potential employees to take our offers, and it reinforces the perception for our larger customers that we�ll be around for the long haul. All of that stuff.

Q. Is there any downside?

A. Did you watch the last episode of �Silicon Valley�?

quote:

Q. Are you saying that having the money in the bank in case the V.C. market turns bad � was that a primary reason to raise it?

A. It�s one of the best reasons. Let�s say we were a gold-mining business, or maybe just a person who had a whole bunch of gold. And gold prices are going crazy. Selling some of the gold now, so you have cash in the bank in case things change in the future, is not a bad idea.

It�s a hedge, and a hedge that�s unbelievably good for us. It�s a lot of money. In the case where everything turns to [expletive], we will look pretty smart.

Q. You�ve said before that valuations are �arbitrary.� Is Slack�s almost $3 billion valuation arbitrary?

A. Public investors often have some underlying rationale for getting to a decent price. In this market, there are bets about how big the company�s market can be, how good the team is � but there is also just a whole lot of supply and demand.

And there are a lot of investors who have a lot of money. So when I say arbitrary, I mean that it�s not coming from some airtight, textbook formula for how to value these types of companies. It�s based on how many there are � and there�s only one Slack � and if you would like to invest in this Slack, this is the price that it costs.

It�s very highly influenced by other factors: Interest rates being low, there�s a lot of money in V.C., funds get larger as a result, but the number of deals that they do remains about the same. So therefore the amount that they invest per deal goes up, which means the valuation goes up.

Q. So do you think Slack is worth $3 billion?

A. It is, because people say it is.

I�m not trying to be trite, and I know why you�re asking, but if you go down to the fundamental level, we all have an agreement about what things are worth � until we don�t.

Maybe the better question is, how great is the risk that the consensus about what Slack is worth will change dramatically?

There is a risk that investors will say, maybe this company, at this time, is only worth half what we thought. But since we came back from the holidays, everything doubled. That�s a crazy rate of growth, but it has remained constant since we launched. We can�t keep that forever � the law of large numbers, we�ll start to saturate markets. But obviously we�re not there yet. I don�t feel like there are any serious vulnerabilities in the business. So I think even if our valuation were to go down, it would go down until we catch up to it.

quote:

Q. But is it a great thing for the world? You�re getting a whole bunch of money you don�t really need that you probably won�t use. What is the use of giving you $160 million that you�re just going to keep in the bank for a rainy day?

A. Eventually, we will find a use for it, at least I hope we do. Now, as opposed to this money being used to house the homeless or feed starving children � but that�s not where this money would otherwise go. This is investment capital. One could certainly make the argument that investment capital has inflated out of proportion to the rest of the economy. But it�s not like if they hadn�t given the money to us, they would have given to a homeless person instead.

# ? Oct 24, 2015 20:39

Farmer Crack-Ass: Jan 2, 2001; this is me posting irl

Luigi Thirty posted:

"It is odd how the law always harps upon the unnaturalness of sodomy," observed Stephen. "Though I know at least two judges who are paederasts; and of course barristers ... What will happen to him?"

"Oh, he'll be hanged. Run up at the yard-arm, and boats attending from every ship in the fleet."

"That seems a little extreme."

"Of course it is. Oh, what an infernal bore -- witnesses going over to the flagship by the dozen, days lost ... The Sophie a laughing-stock. Why will they report these things? The goat must be slaughtered -- that's but fair -- and it shall be served out to the mess that informed on him."

"Could you not set them both ashore -- on separate shores, if you have strong feelings on the moral issue -- and sail quietly away?"

"Well," said Jack, whose anger had died down. "Perhaps there is something in what you propose. A dish of tea? You take milk, sir?"

"Goat's milk, sir?"

"Why, I suppose it is."

"Perhaps without milk, then, if you please."

god I love Aubrey and Maturin

# ? Oct 24, 2015 20:46

Luigi Thirty: Apr 30, 2006; Emergency confection port.

Pinterest Mom posted:

yeah this is what i was thinking about. this is why uber is raising money.

I wish I could get 3 billion dollars for writing a web based IRC client

# ? Oct 24, 2015 20:48

eschaton: Mar 7, 2007; Don't you just hate when you wind up in a store with people who are in a socioeconomic class that is pretty obviously about two levels lower than your own?

Luigi Thirty posted:

I wish I could get 3 billion dollars for writing a web based IRC client

there's probably room in the market for a couple "me too" companies that basically just copy Slack with a slight twist of you wanted to go that way, just like Box and Dropbox etc.

start work on a web-based IRC client and a server that runs on Linux and Windows and offers LDAP/AD integration, and will be offered as an on-site solution for teams that can't use a hosted one, and you could probably legit pitch your company to VCs as a potential unicorn ("like Slack for the intranet")

there's even �Zulip� for you to start from, if you didn't want to start with IRC or Jabber

# ? Oct 24, 2015 21:32