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Why not just do heroin, instead? OP, you are the Pierre Bezhukov of abject squalor. I admire your questing spirit. Don't die, please.
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Oct 28, 2015 01:07
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Please don't say "chimp out". Or take drugs before you go to the police station.
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Oct 28, 2015 01:44
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detectivemonkey posted:Please don't say "chimp out". Or take drugs before you go to the police station. Point taken. I've been thinking about selling the apartment where Waldo used to live. Croatian people are generally too poor to afford both the rent and the utilities, and the type of studio apartments I have generally rent to the working poor class. I might get another tenant, just to have the same escapade repeat itself, not to mention that I'm deep in the red, both from the utility companies and the friends who borrowed me money (a lot of money.) It's my friends who in particular don't deserve this poo poo - one guy borrowed me no less than $1200 and I have absolutely no means to repay him this money at the current rate. Even if I got a job, it would take me nearly a year to save up enough money just to break even. I have wonderful friends, and they really don't deserve to be caught up in the quagmire of tenant-landlord relations. I can sell the apartment and make a tidy profit on it since I fixed up the place, and I would give the brand-new TV set from the apartment to my grandma. If I sold that apartment, my finances would actually recover. By the way, I'm aggressively looking for a job, applying to all the janitor job openings. Idle mind is the devil's playground and I'm unhappy when I'm not working. Some company is looking for a part-time janitor and I think I just might get that job. 
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Oct 28, 2015 04:55
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GAY 4 ORGANS
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Godspeed, you magnificent Croatian bastard. You could literally post about taking a poo poo and I would read it, because I'm convinced that making GBS threads is a radically different experience in Eastern Europe. What is the toilet paper like?
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Oct 28, 2015 05:01
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Is everyone in your social circle constantly borrowing money and repaying one another in tiny increments or ripping one another off by refusing to pay rent or vanishing into thin air?
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Oct 28, 2015 05:22
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Croatia is literally a pyramid scheme of a country.
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Oct 28, 2015 05:49
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When you talk money are you putting it in USD or Croatian money?
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Oct 28, 2015 06:58
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ItsNotAGirlName posted:When you talk money are you putting it in USD or Croatian money? I'm pretty sure he converts from HRK to $ which is around 7 times stronger. So $50 is 350 HRK.
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Oct 28, 2015 11:33
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Disco Infiva posted:I'm pretty sure he converts from HRK to $ which is around 7 times stronger. So $50 is 350 HRK. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Today I paid the heating bill in full, only to realize that I'm facing another foreclosure over the cable internet/TV thingy. Waldo still can't be reached by phone. I took the opportunity to change the locks on his apartment so if, and the word is if he decides to show up again, he won't be able to access the apartment without me. Later today I'll phone his mom and ask her if someone from the family will come to pick up Waldo's stuff - which is mostly clothes and cookware. If not, I'm going to stash his stuff in plastic garbage bags and put them in the basement, not much to do with this stuff. I also discovered a large stash of empty PET bottles in the apartment - I'll take those for recycling money since I'm down to $4 again.
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Oct 28, 2015 12:47
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OP what are the chances you murdered Waldo while high on croatian drugs
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Oct 28, 2015 13:42
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My favourite part of these stories is the warm optimistic note so many end on about his finances where everything is sorted, yet without fail the next one begins with finances in complete disarray and on the brink of disaster. Like some sort of Kafkaesque nightmare, or long running sitcom where everything has to go back to normal each show, and nothing good can last.
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Oct 28, 2015 14:32
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Jeza posted:My favourite part of these stories is the warm optimistic note so many end on about his finances where everything is sorted, yet without fail the next one begins with finances in complete disarray and on the brink of disaster. Like some sort of Kafkaesque nightmare, or long running sitcom where everything has to go back to normal each show, and nothing good can last. It is a Croatian housing version of the Jim Anchower articles ("The Cruise") in The Onion.
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Oct 28, 2015 17:54
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Jeza posted:My favourite part of these stories is the warm optimistic note so many end on about his finances where everything is sorted, yet without fail the next one begins with finances in complete disarray and on the brink of disaster. Like some sort of Kafkaesque nightmare, or long running sitcom where everything has to go back to normal each show, and nothing good can last. No doubt finally selling one of these studios will lead Fatbeard to taking up an unmissable deal on fixerupper one bedroom when the seller offers to throw in a two pound bag of amphetamines and a stack of vintage slavic porn. Love the thread OP keep it up.
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Oct 29, 2015 07:24
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Uhhhhhh. It's done, the awesome kid returned the apartment keys to me and now I officially have two empty apartments collecting dust. The awesome kid spent five years at my place and he was not once late with the rent and kept the apartment as if it were his own. I have to come to the terms with the fact that I'll probably never have another tenant that'll be as good as him. He left me some pasta and booze in the fridge. Oh boy. I'm now walking with a profound limp because I once again wrecked myself the other day. I bought some xanny footballs and yes - I gobbled them all down as if they were candy. Normally this sort of thing would have you knocked out completely, resulting in a 28-hour long sleep but no: for some reason I decided to stay up and get things done. A goon suggested a key leash. I took an old shoelace and turned it into a makeshift necklace containing my apartment keys. I seem to lose poo poo when I'm high (which is a surprise to nobody) but this time the tactic backfired. I went out to collect cans and bottles and stopped by the kiosk to chat with the seller lady. She later told me that I looked as if I was about to collapse, it's a major miracle I didn't wake up in the drunk tank. I went home, miraculously got the floor right but then got stuck at the doors: I forgot I had the keys hanging round my neck and realized that I must have lost the keys because my pocket was empty. I threw away my jacket in fury and tried to sleep in the stairwell but it was cold and miserable so I apparently decided to kick the door in just so I'd get to my god damned bed and call it a night. I worked up a horrible racket trying to break down the door, kicking and cursing, I even picked up someone's old chair and hurled it at the door - to no avail. I got completely owned by a piece of plywood. My hapless neighbors came out their apartments to see what the gently caress is going on, and someone must have pointed out that dude your keys are hanging round your neck. I woke up two days later. There is a nasty gash on my left knee (more like a coin-sized chunk of skin missing) and I must have done something to the ligaments in my right foot while kicking the doors because now it's hurting like hell to walk. I still haven't made a missing person report about Waldo. I don't have $2 to pay for the bus fare - the closest police station is five bus stops away from my place. Heh. 
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Oct 31, 2015 18:51
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Lol please stop doing drugs u dumbo
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Oct 31, 2015 20:15
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:I still haven't made a missing person report about Waldo.
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Oct 31, 2015 23:42
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You know what you must do
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Nov 1, 2015 01:48
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Eventually you're gonna do so much xanax you're going to forget where your apartment is, it's gonna keep escalating until you end up in Serbia or something, dude.
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Nov 1, 2015 06:07
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Croatia is great. Xanax too. Makes u think
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Nov 1, 2015 19:15
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How much did those Xanny footballs cost you, because I'm pretty certain that if you had not bought them you would have the $2 available for the bus ride
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Nov 2, 2015 03:02
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The Saurus posted:How much did those Xanny footballs cost you, because I'm pretty certain that if you had not bought them you would have the $2 available for the bus ride But then he wouldn't have been able to get high. Please knock off the trolling.
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Nov 2, 2015 03:53
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I finally have some good news! Waldo came back. Turns out he was on a vacation, staying at his brother's and neglected to tell anyone (including his mom) about his absence, which is pretty childish but oh well. I'll get two months worth of rent from him on Monday. I rented out the other apartment to a nice lady, her name is Susan and she's 53 years old. She owns a flat in the boonies and decided to move here since her workplace is ten minutes by bus from my apartment, she used to travel by train to her workplace which is both unreliable, slow and very expensive. We're now fixing up the apartment, doing small but important repairs since she already paid the rent in advance. I'm sure she'll be a good tenant, just like the awesome kid. Funny thing is that when I ran an ad in the papers, the phone was ringing off the hook and I had a waiting list (with 10+ people) in a matter of MINUTES. I was in a very fortunate position to pick and choose to whom I'll rent my apartment, and I chose Susan. I'm celebrating the occasion with a lil' bit of Tramadol. This time I have a legitimate medical use for it because my right foot is hurting like a motherfucker and ibuprofen does jack poo poo for this kind of pain. The Saurus posted:How much did those Xanny footballs cost you, because I'm pretty certain that if you had not bought them you would have the $2 available for the bus ride I paid $3 for xannies at the pharmacy. Yay universal healthcare!
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Nov 6, 2015 23:20
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:I finally have some good news! Be careful with Tramadol man that poo poo will give you seizures if you take too much.
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Nov 9, 2015 01:43
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I love this thread. Fatbeard, your life sounds like hell and I couldn't live it, but props to you for being happy.
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Nov 9, 2015 08:45
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DismemberedLemon posted:I love this thread. Fatbeard, your life sounds like hell and I couldn't live it, but props to you for
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Nov 9, 2015 10:23
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You are my hero fatbeard, don't ever change.
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Nov 10, 2015 06:45
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Please report back when a normal hard-working 53 year old woman witnesses your drug-induced mental meltdown for the first time. Preferably when you're back home after spending the night at the arrest with a court date already set.
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Nov 10, 2015 12:24
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I'd say there's better odds he somehow tries to cook and eat the 53 year old woman but fails when he loses his keys once again and gets locked out of the country.
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Nov 10, 2015 13:02
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Hey guys, remember Nicholas, the guy to whom I sold my old crackden apartment and who attempted to extort money from me? My friend and I are going to nail the fucker because he's a professional conman. My friend is called Johnny, and he's an antiques dealer. I sold him my grandpa's certificate of Aryan heritage from 1942, got something like eighty bucks for a dingy piece of paper which is great. Nicholas and Johnny used to be business partners: Johnny would scout apartments for sale and Nicholas would buy them - he's a real estate agent. The deal between these two guys is that Nicholas was supposed to pay a provision from the profits to Johnny, but he never kept the promise and he now owes a serious sum of money to Johnny, and Johnny is not willing to humor Nicholas' bullshit anymore. Johnny and I are going to lawyer up and sue Nicholas for fraud. I'm probably going to testify at the court and there might be some money in it for me. Hell, even if I don't get any money I'm still going to testify against Nicholas because he is a piece of human garbage. Today I gave some documents to Johnny (a bank statement) which will help him to build a case against Nicholas. Johnny already reported him to the police and he's going to lawyer up these days - unless Nicholas somehow gets a sudden change of heart and decides that it's better just to pay what he owes to Johnny and get it over with. Anyway, exciting things are right behind the corner. Will keep you updated.
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Nov 11, 2015 23:13
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You pawned off your Aryan ancestry and Nicholas is going to have you killed, great going.
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Nov 11, 2015 23:21
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Do you think maybe Nicholas and Johnny are working together, and you just gave away your main piece of evidence against Nicholas to his partner, Johnny, and now you have no case at all? If not, then good for you, I hope you nail that guy. I hate lying scumbags.
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Nov 12, 2015 03:14
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redreader posted:Do you think maybe Nicholas and Johnny are working together, and you just gave away your main piece of evidence against Nicholas to his partner, Johnny, and now you have no case at all? They used to work together in the past - but their relationship has soured and now Johnny doesn't exactly pick kind words when speaking about Nicholas. Remember, it's Johnny who's the plaintiff, not me. I only wrote an eloquent statement in which I described in detail how the problem came into existence, and included a bank receipt - which I got for free anyway. If Johnny wants to sue Nicholas, I'm not going to try to stop him. Nicholas really has it coming because he's a con artist and a lying gently caress.
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Nov 12, 2015 03:57
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Forgot to add something; I'm glad I finally got Nicholas out of my hair. There is a lot of friction between him and Johnny, and I don't mind testifying in court against Nicholas because I smell a lot of money.
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Nov 12, 2015 04:02
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:Forgot to add something; I'm glad I finally got Nicholas out of my hair. There is a lot of friction between him and Johnny, and I don't mind testifying in court against Nicholas because I smell a lot of money. To clarify, if the court orders Nicholas to pay what he owes to Johnny, he and I are going to split the loot because I'm Johnny's key witness. Sorry for three posts in a row, I miss the post editing function
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Nov 12, 2015 04:11
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Good luck Op. Im going to Crotia sometime during the summer 2016.
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Nov 12, 2015 08:42
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Croatia is a great place to live. Wow.
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Nov 13, 2015 01:34
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Flatbread do u remember when I said you need to stop being so trusting when finding tenants? Do property management companies exist in Croatia?
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Nov 14, 2015 19:22
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Captain Yossarian posted:Flatbread do u remember when I said you need to stop being so trusting when finding tenants? Captain Yossarian posted:Do property management companies exist in Croatia?
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Nov 14, 2015 21:10
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I guess I saw some googling, but I honestly don't know if I would trust them or not sorry man. I really like your stories I just wish you had good luck ever
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Nov 14, 2015 22:46
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:To clarify, if the court orders Nicholas to pay what he owes to Johnny, he and I are going to split the loot because I'm Johnny's key witness. Um, do you have any kind of guarantee that Johnny will share with you or are you just kinda hoping it will happen? It kind of sounds like you're putting in a lot of effort for something that will likely only benefit Johnny in the end.
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Nov 15, 2015 01:23
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