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Applewhite posted:Wait a second we need to go back to the civil war for a sec. Caimen aren't known for their puritan sensibilities so I'm not surprised Crocwell wouldn't join the crew. Update Here's yesterday's completed page:   The thread takes exception to being telepathed at or threatened with a boarding. Like every other time this thread has taken exception, it takes violent exception. We're going to use the Orgasmotron we picked up in the last system and then blast these aliens while their pants are down.  We turn to 594:  That cost 5 ENERGY, yielded more useful info than we would have got by talking and luckily didn't harm anyone. Moving on to 273:  Again, a battle where our enemy is trying to flee. We need to do as much damage as possible and hopefully stop them fleeing. I give our weapons guy as much power as possible and use the coffee machine, but only give shields 5 ENERGY. Our shuttle is not shot down so Shakes lives on to fly another day. We go first (our sensor score is higher than theirs), hit with our weapon and get a lucky roll. With everything taken into account we knock out the shields and do 5 damage to the hull. We destroy the sensor array, kill the comms officer and wound both the shields and weapons officer but unfortunately do nothing that will stop the ship escaping towards Media. Energy use in this fight was 15 after using the coffee maker. We're now alone out here - what should we do next? Current Starship manifest:  E: As there was a spaceship battle I had to test the bridge crew for a CRAPULENCE increase and the valet went up. Total crapulence is now 5 (it should have been 4 yesterday but I forgot this valet had a crapulence score - I guess he's a Caiman even if only a dwarf one) Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at 02:38 on Nov 2, 2015 |
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Nov 2, 2015 02:12
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Let them go. Without precise calculations they'll probably fly right through a star or bounce too close to a supernova and that'll end their trip real quick.
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Nov 2, 2015 02:43
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Though I guess if they make it to media they could give away our position to the Threshers. Better not risk it. Shoot them.
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Nov 2, 2015 02:44
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Let them run, the Threshers can handle them for us. Let's just search their home world for usable loot, blast it to pieces for hassling us, and scoot on into the end game having done most of the Threshers' job for them.
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Nov 2, 2015 03:57
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It's almost like we are sexless threshers ourselves. Let us continue the tradition of crippling every species we encounter. Proceed to the planet.
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Nov 2, 2015 06:20
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Solice Kirsk posted:Let them run, the Threshers can handle them for us. Let's just search their home world for usable loot, blast it to pieces for hassling us, and scoot on into the end game having done most of the Threshers' job for them. I agree with this. We've crippled their starship, and the rules pretty much make it clear that each sentient race can only have one of those. I think the inedible crabs might still have some useful loot we can steal, even if we can't have a proper beach party and enjoy some boiled crabpeople. Otherwise nuke their home and move on.
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Nov 2, 2015 06:21
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Solice Kirsk posted:Let them run, the Threshers can handle them for us. Let's just search their home world for usable loot, blast it to pieces for hassling us, and scoot on into the end game having done most of the Threshers' job for them.
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Nov 2, 2015 07:37
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Destroy their planet, purely for spite's sake.
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Nov 2, 2015 07:41
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Is their planet environmentally friendly? If so wreck it, if not move along. Threshers will kill anyone that isn't in tune with their planet so eh. What we should do honestly is find a nice swamp planet and set up a con for the threshers when they come through to make it look like we're nature hippies and living in one with our environment.
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Nov 2, 2015 12:41
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the_steve posted:Destroy their planet, purely for spite's sake. They dared to try to take our drugs! Burn babies, Burn.
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Nov 2, 2015 13:50
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Al Borland posted:Is their planet environmentally friendly? You know that brings up an excellent point. We know from the Crabs' psychic scream that their planet is a frozen wasteland with ammonia seas and a nitrous oxide atmosphere. By our standards, it is hopelessly "polluted" and unable to sustain (our kind of) life, but to the crabs it is home sweet home. This makes the Threshers' crusade extremely chauvinistic because they are destroying planets for being "polluted," but one species's pollution is another's fresh air. Sure Caimen can't live on the Caiman planet anymore, but some carbon dioxide breathing monster could. Kind of wasteful, IMO. We should leave behind a message buoy for the Threshers, calling them out on their problematic behavior. We could drop it off in the wreckage of the Crab home planet with a message like "we destroyed this world because it was hopelessly polluted," and it would make the Threshers realize their hypocrisy.
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Nov 2, 2015 14:14
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Shouldn't we be careful about getting too close to the planet? If one ship's worth of psychic crabs can cause us telepathic angst, what can a whole planet's worth do? I say destroy them all at maximum range. Or maybe send a shuttle's worth of expendable idiots to take a closer look first.
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Nov 2, 2015 14:22
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huntergatherer posted:Shouldn't we be careful about getting too close to the planet? If one ship's worth of psychic crabs can cause us telepathic angst, what can a whole planet's worth do? Yeah don't get too close or they might use their powers to trap us in some psychic nightmare where we learn a lesson. Blow that poo poo up from as far away as possible.
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Nov 2, 2015 14:26
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Blast them, then their planet.
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Nov 2, 2015 14:30
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Spitefully destroy their planet at maximum range and avoid learning any meaningful lessons.
Outrail fucked around with this message at 17:00 on Nov 2, 2015 |
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Nov 2, 2015 14:56
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Outrail posted:Spitefully destroy the or planet at maximum range and avoid learning any meaningful lessons.
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Nov 2, 2015 16:19
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With the crocs, never learning any lessons is a given.
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Nov 2, 2015 16:20
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Hogge Wild posted:Blast them, then their planet.
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Nov 2, 2015 16:37
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Ha, nuke them from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
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Nov 2, 2015 16:53
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Outrail posted:Spitefully destroy their planet at maximum range and avoid learning any meaningful lessons. 
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Nov 2, 2015 17:13
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Looks like it'll be a long range-killing then! I guess we may as well finish this thing in the same style as we've been playing it.
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Nov 2, 2015 18:34
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Gilganixon posted:Looks like it'll be a long range-killing then! I guess we may as well finish this thing in the same style as we've been playing it. So you mean blowing up the planet will backfire in a hilarious way?
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Nov 2, 2015 18:40
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I feel sorta bad now. We missed a chance to bribe the telepathic customs crabs with our Bijou Gems.
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Nov 2, 2015 18:44
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yes, nuke the planet e: changing my vote to psychic fuckery actually take the moon fucked around with this message at 20:18 on Nov 2, 2015 |
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Nov 2, 2015 18:52
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Applewhite posted:I feel sorta bad now. We missed a chance to bribe the telepathic customs crabs with our Bijou Gems. Yes, but we were able to instead use a weapon called the Orgasmotron And those guys are jerks anyway and they'll all be killed by Threshers either way, so might as well fire up the planetkiller
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Nov 2, 2015 18:56
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HJE-Cobra posted:Yes, but we were able to instead use a weapon called the Orgasmotron You know what, though, I change my vote from blowing up the planet to going there and getting enthralled in whatever psychic nonsense they have planned for us. Sure blowing it up is the sensible option, but doing the wild thing is why CYOAs are fun. Dare to be Stupid Go to the crab homeworld and register a formal complaint against the use of excessive force on the part of their customs officials. See if we can spin this to our benefit. Describe the trauma we suffered and see if they'll settle out of court. Blow up the fleeing ship first, though.
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Nov 2, 2015 19:08
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What if the things the crabs consider contraband aren't drugs or weapons, but harmful thoughts? They are a psychic race after all. Maybe it's time to introduce their race to a little emotion we like to call "hate."
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Nov 2, 2015 19:10
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Exterminate the brutes.
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Nov 2, 2015 19:27
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Applewhite posted:You know what, though, I change my vote from blowing up the planet to going there and getting enthralled in whatever psychic nonsense they have planned for us. Sure blowing it up is the sensible option, but doing the wild thing is why CYOAs are fun. Applewhite posted:What if the things the crabs consider contraband aren't drugs or weapons, but harmful thoughts? They are a psychic race after all. well why not, i'm changing my vote from bombing to sending redshirts to their planet
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Nov 2, 2015 19:30
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Applewhite posted:What if the things the crabs consider contraband aren't drugs or weapons, but harmful thoughts? They are a psychic race after all. think they might have experienced that one when we sniped the entire bridge crew on their only starship but sure, why not?
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Nov 2, 2015 19:32
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Gilganixon posted:think they might have experienced that one when we sniped the entire bridge crew on their only starship but sure, why not? They might have been too scrambled by the orgasmatron to have picked up on it.
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Nov 2, 2015 19:38
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Ooh, you know what, the only thing the home planet would have heard from the fight is the psychic orgasm-scream of their customs ship. They don't know what else happened. We should go to the Crab planet and spin a story of how the Customs ship tried to rape us. We were acting in self-defense. We've suffered severe emotional trauma and require lots of money in compensation.
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Nov 2, 2015 19:41
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Applewhite posted:Ooh, you know what, the only thing the home planet would have heard from the fight is the psychic orgasm-scream of their customs ship. They don't know what else happened. and then nuke them
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Nov 2, 2015 19:59
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Hogge Wild posted:and then nuke them Well that goes without saying.
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Nov 2, 2015 20:04
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Applewhite posted:You know what, though, I change my vote from blowing up the planet to going there and getting enthralled in whatever psychic nonsense they have planned for us. Sure blowing it up is the sensible option, but doing the wild thing is why CYOAs are fun. Your words ring truer than a thousand bells! I revert my vote from having a good old fashioned planetary scale crab boil to this. We can have the crab boil later.
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Nov 2, 2015 20:19
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Jumping on the Applewhite bandwagon
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Nov 2, 2015 20:36
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Jenkem Delivery posted:Jumping on the Applewhite bandwagon Even with this weird change of heart I have something like 12 votes for blasting that planet vs 6 for messing with them and stealing whatever's worth stealing. I'm going to get the planetary obliteration pages scanned and try to get a refund for all the good and cool planetside adventures I already paid steve for  Don't worry though, this is the smarter option given all the crimes we've committed. Update in a bit
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Nov 2, 2015 21:17
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I'm disappointed, but we'd better get into some hijinks in the next sector.
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Nov 2, 2015 21:20
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Looks like I am too late, but I vote to Talk, with your mouth full Bite, the hand that feeds you Bite, off more than you can chew What can you do? Dare to be stupid!
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Nov 3, 2015 00:06
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My only regret is that I didn't know about that song until I started this thread, and if nothing else this thread has brought that song into my life.
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Nov 3, 2015 00:12
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