- Smasher Dynamo
- Oct 16, 2008
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Eternal Commissioner of the Super League. A new avatar. A new age, of the same old embittered Smasher that failed to escape the bonds of the SL, FM3, Johnny Hopp and Eri Yoshida "The Knuckle Princess". "The flames of Smasher's ire scorch the skies... Igniting St. Bellhorn's funeral pyre."
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Super-League XVII, Finals: RCMP vs. Chicago Southpaws
The RCMP are...wait, that's not right. Hold on. The RCMP are a team that...let me take one more crack at this. The RCMP are the Dynamo League Champions, a feat they achieved through, well, the process of elimination. I would say they had a pretty decent lineup, but DannoMack's latest lineup features Aaron Ledesma starting at least two games in this series. So, uh, I can honestly say it is perhaps the most improbable lineup I have ever seen. It's impressive in its own way. Also, DannoMack would like you all to know that he's not evil, just misunderstood! Like Hernan Cortes! Or Benedict Arnold! They won the Canadian Championship in the last round, so if they get swept, they'll lose it. That would make them sad. They'll be facing the Macho Men if they win.
The Chicago Southpaws are all lefties, all the time. Incidentally, the Latin word for left is "sinister". Funny how that works. In any event, they have romped to this point, and now stand just four games away from the Super-League Championship. Can they achieve it? Let's find out! They hold the Grand Slam Championships, and would lose them if they get swept, which is not going to happen. They will also be facing the Macho Men if they win, and I will murder them for no other reason than making me do an extra update.
Game 1: RCMP @ Chicago Southpaws (Series Tied 0-0)
Don May posted:
INEVITABILITY SETS IN, SOUTHPAWS WIN 9-6
Chicago- It's possible the RCMP did their best, and if they did, this series probably isn't going to last long.
The brutal math of the situation is that the RCMP need to win at least one game in the Leftorium to win this series. They can't afford games like this, where victory is, theoretically at least, possible, but not attained. The RCMP scored as many runs as they needed to win, as, realistically speaking, scoring six runs should win you most games, but Walter Johnson could not stand up to the methodical assault of the Southpaws lineup, giving nine runs, eight earned, as the Southpaw cruised to their sixth home playoff win of this postseason, against no home playoff losses.
"What did anyone expect?" Pander asked after the game. "I know that DannoMack reformulated hs lineups for this series, but look at what he did. He's bringing in Robin Yount and Gary Carter and Aaron Ledesma in his starting lineup. Aaron Ledesma. My team won 111 games this season, and DannoMack thinks he's going to beat me by starting Aaron Ledesma. well, actually, I have no idea."
"I'll give it DannoMack, I didn't really prep my pitchers for dealing with the awesome force that is Aaron Ledesma. I don't even know where I'd start with...actually, hold on, let me find out more about this amazing man." Pander took out his phone and searched for Ledesma's stats, "Let's see, he played an amazing five years in the majors, and never played more than 93 games in any regular season. He did have 44 walks, which would be not terribly impressive, and given that 44 walks is his career total, that's kind of stupefying, really. Aaron Ledesma had two career home runs. In 813 career plate appearances. That's inspiring. He also did manage to get a sterling SB/CS ratio of 11/8, which means that whenever he tried to steal a base, it was a net negative for his team. That's kind of amazing."
Pander put away his phone. "Actually, it's more than amazing. In a vacuum, starting Aaron Ledesma in the finals is amazing, don't get me wrong. It's astounding, incredible, life-changing, but we're not in a vacuum, this isn't a case where Ledesma was the best right-handed shortstop that DannoMack had, it would just mean that he was really loving bad at constructing a roster to find himself in that position. But that were it gets incredible, and I mean that in the old sense of the world, in that it simply is not believable." Pander could barely contain his spiteful glee, "Because DannoMack happens to have two different right-handed Hall of Fame players who spent half of their careers playing shortstop. He had Ernie Banks, who sat on the bench all game long, and he had Robin Yount, who he put at DH, and despite having all the advantages in the world, he was so terrified of the Leftorium that he looked at his roster, and said to himself 'yes, I will go with Aaron Ledesma. This is a good idea, eh?'"
"Now, you see that? That means that I've already won, I've gotten so far into the head of DannoMack that he can't even see straight. He's flailing around, doing unimaginably dumb things because he thinks that his team simply can't beat the Southpaws unless he does something completely insane. He's starting Aaron Ledesma. He's done, he's finished, he's toast. All of his brilliant trades, all of the things he did to get to this point, they're meaningless, because when the moment came, and he saw what he was up against, he curled into the fetal position and started crying. This series is over. Smasher, I'm going to do you one last favor before I run your Macho Men out of existence, and I'm going to kill DannoMack fast."
As for DannoMack, he seemed measured in his response, "Well, I don't think I quite curled into a ball and started crying. And I wasn't crying about that, it was something else. I was very emotionally invested in a film I had been watching." A reporter asked which film. "Uh, Cube, it was Cube. I was moved by the plight of all those people trapped in that giant cube. They just wanted to get out! But they learned that the true enemy was within them all long. Also, I guess, technically, the Cube did kill a few of them too. But I get emotional about things like that. I certainly wasn't crying about being afraid of the Southpaws! No, that's for sure! You put that thought right out of your head."
"After all, the people of the Cube died so that we could carry on!"
Game Two will take place at the Leftorium. Satchel Paige will try and do the impossible and get the RCMP a win at the Leftorium, while Sandy "Leftpocalypse Now" Koufax goes for the Southpaws.
GAME NOTES
-Aaron Ledesma had a single, so that's something.
-Gary Carter also had a single. See, it's not all bad! Those two also combined for four of the team's seven strikeouts, but lets focus on the postives.
-Babe Ruth made an error, and you could make the case that he really should have been playing DH, with Yount moving to SS, and someone not named Aaron Ledesma in RF, but, hey, hindsight in 20/20.
-You can't stop Dan Brouthers. Except for that time he got caught stealing. That did stop him.
Box Score
Game 2: RCMP @ Chicago Southpaws (CHS Lead 1-0)
Don May posted:
GREATEST MIRACLE IN CANADIAN HISTORY OCCURS, RCMP WIN 1-0!
Chicago- Truly, the events of this game will go down in the annals of Canadian history.
The RCMP did not get a lot of production from their offense. In fact, over the first ten innings, they failed to score a single run. But, fortunately for them, their pitching was up to the task, keeping the Southpaws off the scoreboard as well, sending the game into extra innings, where one run would be enough to change the course of the series.
The top of the eleventh did not start promisingly for the RCMP. Riggs popped out on the first pitche of the inning, and even though Babe Ruth took an easy walk, Al Simmons grounded to third for the second out. Wade Boggs, willing to wait Wagner out, took a walk, putting runners on first and second with two outs, but that hardly looked promising when noted Super-League disappointment strolled to the plate with a chance to take the lead for his team or end the inning. Given past history, the latter seemed more likely. But, in an amazing turn of events, Robin Yount hit a single, Ruth scored from second, and the RCMP took a 1-0 lead.
But the game was not yet over. The Southpaws, playing at home, would get their chance in the bottom of the inning. And, as seemed all too appropriate, the RCMP would be using a Billy Wagner of their own. The Southpaws soon, in an amazing development, found themselves in the same position as the RCMP: runners and first and second with two outs. Goose Goslin had one last chance to tie or win the game, but sliced a fly out to right, and the RCMP wrested home-field advantage away from the Southpaws.
"God drat it." Pander said after the game. "I'm not going to pretend that this loss isn't irritating. Of course, unlike your average Super-League owner, I understand why the loss happened, and I can accept it. The Southpaws' offense is all about consistently getting hits. Not power hits, usually, but hits. It's a tempo offense, we're not going to score a lot of runs on home runs, we'll need to string together a few hits in a row. And sequencing, that does, at its heart, come down to luck. I can stack the deck in my favor, but I can't eliminate random chance entirely, it just can't be done. And so, you have a game like this, where we clearly outhit the RCMP, I mean, we had almost twice as many hits, but we couldn't get them in quite the right order, so we lost. That's frustrating, but it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean that DannoMack accomplished anything."
"I mean, okay, fine, it means that if DannoMack wins all three of his home games, he wins the series. That's true, that's math. But he's not going to beat us three straight times." Pander brought out his Grand Slam championship belts. "Do you know why I'm holding these belts?" Pander asked. "It's because no one beats me three straight times. Not here in the Leftorium, not on the road, nowhere. These title belts are cold, hard proof that we're going to win at least one of the next three games. And when we do, that means that the road to the championship is going to once again run through the Leftorium."
"And then what, DannoMack?" Pander asked, clearly angry at the outcome of the game, "Then what? You think you're going to get another miracle? Let me tell you something, let me tell you all something. There are no miracles in life. If your life sucks, it's not going to magically get better. You find yourself on hard times, there's nothing in this world that's going to fix it except your own will to greatness. And my will is a hell of a lot stronger than DannoMack's. Anything can happen once, DannoMack, but it sure as gently caress isn't going to happen four times."
DannoMack didn't pay much mind to Pander's comments. "You know, this was the most important win that we're going to have this series. Pander is right, in that I'm not sure that we can beat him three straight times in Canada, but we don't have to. Today's game proves that with a little Canadian can-do attitude, that we can win games even in the Leftorium. And I'm not prepared to foreclose on the possibility of winning more games in this here stadium."
A reporter asked about the modifications that DannoMack had made to his own stadium for the series. "Well, sir, the Southpaws are not a power hitting team, so if you shorten up the fences, what should happen is that it will cut off their doubles and triples, which means that they've got singles and nothing else. You look at a game like today, and they weren't much for walking either. If we can turn the Southpaws into a bunch of slap hitters with nothing else to offer, I think that the RCMP's superior offense should shine through." It was pointed out the new stadium hadn't been field-tested. "I know, I know, but there wasn't time. I had to go with my gut. I know, that's not very Canadian of me. We Canadians believe in reason and consensus, not going with your gut, but I had no choice. And I stand by the decision that I made."
Game Three will take place in Toronto, which is the Canadian version of New York City, for good or ill. Mainly ill. Randy "Le Big Unit" Johnson will take the mound for the Southpaws, while Deacon "Vai Cavalo" Phillippe tries to give the RCMP a series lead.
GAME NOTES
-Ed Delahanty isn't going to be winning many gold gloves at first base. Then again, for a guy who's loaded off his rear end before every game, only making one error is that bad.
-Al Simmons decided to test Deacon White's arm. It was a poor decision.
-Aaron Ledesma had two walks! PROGRESS! Of course, he is still Aaron Ledesma. He's loving Aaron Ledesma. No, seriously, how the gently caress is Aaron Ledesma starting over Ernie Banks? What the gently caress are you doing, DannoMack? I am going to want an answer when all of this is over. And whether that comes in the form of you explaining yourself, or the Macho Men ripping apart your team like a distressing letter from a creditor remains to be seen.
Box Score
Game 3: Chicago Southpaws @ RCMP (Series Tied 1-1)
Don May posted:
RCMP LEARN CRUEL LESSON AS SOUTHPAWS WIN 5-4 ON BROUTHERS HR
Toronto- In theory, moving in all of the fences at RCMP's stadium seemed like a winning idea.
After all, it's not like the Southpaws were known for hitting home runs anyway. In fact, the Southpaws were deadlast in the Super-League when it came to home runs. Shortening the fences was not going to do them any favors. They didn't hit the ball hard enough that they were likely to hit a ton of dingers even with the fences pulled in, and the lack of space in the outfield meant that any base hits they knocked into the outfield would be more easily corralled, and their doubles and triples reduced accordingly. For that matter, the Southpaws used pitchers that would give up home runs. The RCMP used deadballers all the way. The Southpaws should have been in as much trouble in the RCMP's stadium as the RCMP had been in the Leftorium.
It was not a terrible plan.
But, in a flash, it all went to hell. The RCMP forced extra innings for the second straight game, and Dan Brouthers led off the top of the tenth for the Southpaws. Blly Wagner fired a fastball, and Dan Brouthers hit a fly ball to left field. Dan Brouthers is not a power hitter in the modern sense of the word. He is not looking to crush the ball, because, in his day, home runs were not practical, given the inferior quality of the baseballs at the time. Opposite field blasts were unheard of. In Brouther's time, an opposite field blast was sheer folly, the stuff of dreams, and the dreams of the mad, at that. To generate the power necessary to drive the ball across the field and over farthest fence from the batter could not be done. And so batters of his day, whatever their approach at the plate, never dared to attempt such an attack.
When Brouthers hit the ball, it was the result of mistiming. He was too slow on the draw, he did not make the right kind of contact, and the played sprayed towards left field as a result. It was a failure. Or, at least, in any normal stadium, it would have been. In a normal stadium, when a batter hits a ball 275 feet to left field, it's an easy out. Due to DannoMack's remodeling, however, it was a home run. The Southpaws took a 5-4 lead, and held off the RCMP in the bottom of the inning to take a 2-1 series lead.
"Was there ever a doubt?" Pander asked. "Seriously, like I said, we weren't going to lose three straight games. And we didn't. And now DannoMack is going to have to win another game in the Leftorium if he wants to win this series. And, I'll be honest, that's not going to happen. It's just not. We needed to win one game in Canada to ice this series. We did, series over. That's all there is. I know, I know, there is still the formality of us winning two more games, but after today, is there really any doubt?"
"Like I said after Game One, DannoMack is so scared of us that he's killing his own team. In any other stadium, Dan Brouthers doesn't hit that home run. But, nope, DannoMack is going to shut us down with a gimmick stadium! I suppose there's a lesson to be learned, there. How about, you should only mess around with gimmick stadiums if you know what you're doing. I mean, you can't just run off half-cocked, building some magic gimmick stadium and assuming that it's all going to work out. You need to do the math, you need to make sure that it's going to do what you think it's going to do. DannoMack failed to do that, because, like a lot of people I've faced in the Super-League, his ambitions don't match his competence. But, hey, I suppose that just like the world is always going to need baristas, the Super-League needs also-rans. I'm not so proud a guy that I'm going to insist that DannoMack give me a good challenge before I win the title, I'm happy to just win it any way I can get it."
DannoMack had his face buried in his hands before beginning his press conference, trying to process what had happened. "I talked to the prime minister just before coming out here," DannoMack explained, "He said that he knows that I did my best, but that he's disappointed in how it all turned out. Of course, you in the American press may not understand this, but that's actually the harshest rebuke that's allowable under the Charter of Rights and Freedoms." Reporters expressed confusion.
"The Charter of Rights and Freedoms is kind of like our Bill of Rights. You see, in 1982, we Canadians finally decided that it might be keen to get one of those Constitutions, partly because, up until then, our government was still organized under the terms of the British North America Act of 1867, which meant that, legally speaking, we couldn't amend the law that was effectively our Constitution, and that the British Parliament could do that. That was okay for a while, but by 1982, we felt that it might be a neat idea if we had control over our constitution, and, you know, even though Britain had no legal obligation to do so, they decided to let us do just that! By passing their own law, which was technically required, because we couldn't enact our reform unless they did so. But hey, I'm glad we were able to show that some revolution isn't the only way to get your independence. Sure, it may have taken us a couple extra centures, but we got to where we needed to be."
"Anyhoo, today was a setback, but the struggle continues. Going down 2-1 in a series doesn't mean that the series is over. We can still win. I really do believe that. Aaron Ledesma will guide us!" DannoMack smiled, "That was a joke, Canadians are capable of comedy, you know. It's just that most of our comedians get sucked down to America pretty quickly."
Game Four will take place in Toronto, home of the CN Tower, which, wait, it's only basically a broadcast tower? Seriously? Not even a real skyscraper? What the gently caress is that about? In any event, Steve "The Steve" Carlton takes the mound for the Southpaws, as Denton "Cy" Young will try and even up the series for the RCMP once again.
GAME NOTES
-Dan Brouthers is a hell of a hitter.
-Not much of a fielder, though.
-Neither is Deacon white, but it's not like Deacon White's forte is fielding balls cleanly. He can hit, and he eliminates the other team's running game. That is a trade-off that you can live with.
-Killebrew's defense at third is not ideal.
Box Score
Game 4: Chicago Southpaws @ RCMP (CHS Lead 2-1)
Don May posted:
SOUTHPAWS MOVE TO BRINK OF CHAMPIONSHIP WITH 4-0 SHUTOUT
Toronto- The RCMP tried.
You can say whatever you want about their strategy in this series, but the RCMP tried to beat the Southpaws.
To this point, it hasn't really worked out.
The Southpaws plan for their home games was to build a stadium that would boost dingers, something they had assumed that the Southpaws could not capitalize on. In fairness, most of the Southpaws have had some difficulty adjusting, but for Dan Brouthers, who now has two home runs in two games at the RCMP's new stadium, after hitting just 8 dingers in the regular season, it has been a revelation. That is fitting, since to the RCMP, Brouther's explosion must feel as though it came straight out of the Book of Revelation, and, barring a quick turnaround, it does appear that the RCMP's title hopes are marching towards Armageddon.
"The RCMP have lost this series." Pander said during the game. "At this point, they would need to win two games in the Leftorium, in a row, to make the comeback, and that's only if they first win Game Five at home. And, let's be honest, the RCMP haven't been doing too well at home in this series. We beat them in Game Three, and we beat them badly today in Game Four. I'm not sure they have what it takes to win a game at home. Maybe they're the sort of team that gets a bit nervous playing in front of their home crowd. I mean, I personally get a little freaked out being around this many Canadians, because they sit around, and they act polite, but, deep down, you wonder what's really going through their heads."
"Let's be honest, I want to believe that Canada is a nice, friendly place full of nice, friendly people, but what are we basing that on? I don't know. I just don't know. I guess it doesn't really matter, but it's the sort of thing you think about when you're bored watching your team torture and bury the opposition. The RCMP didn't score a run today. Hell, they didn't even really get that close. They had almost as many errors as hits, and that was entertaining to me, but it's not exactly threatening. But I didn't come into these finals looking to be entertained, or to entertain others, I came to win, not just for me, but because the rest of the league needs to understand that you can't luck your way into titles. You need to work hard, and build a good team. Don't be ForeverBWFC, don't be gingemidget, and please, please, please don't be mentholmoose. Be like me. Because I am great, and I am a great owner. Think about how to build a team. Don't just set there and make a million trades. That's just shuffling the deck chairs. Don't always try and just get better players and jam them into your lineup, think about how each player fits into the model of your team. And don't let the received wisdom of the Super-League mess with your head. How many of the people that say they know what they're doing have anything to show for it? Most owners in the Super-League have never come close to winning a Super-League title, because even at their best, they still didn't quite know what the hell they were talking about."
"This, ladies and gentlemen, is your masterclass on how to build and run a team! Enjoy it! Love it! You will never see something like this again! The next Super-League champion, well, we're running out of smart owners and good teams. Who knows what's going to happen once the Southpaws are gone? But for now, you can bask in the glory that is my master plan, executed to perfection. It's a hell of a ride!"
DannoMack denied that his team was doomed, "I mean, that's going a bit too far. Doomed implies that we absolutely can't win, and I don't know that that's the case! Sure, we've had trouble winning at home but, comparatively, we've had a lot less trouble winning at the Leftorium, so if we can win Game Five and force the series back to Chicago then, theoretically, we're not in terrible shape. Kind of."
'Okay, we might be a bit doomed." DannoMack conceded, "But that's okay. Being doomed doesn't mean that you can't still do some pretty neat stuff. Achilles was doomed, but he was still able to kill Hector and some other guys before he got killed off forever. Okay, that sounded better in my head. The point is, I'm not going to let this series end in Canada. Our fans deserve better, they deserve to have the Southpaws clinch somewhere other than my home field. And I'm going to make sure that happens."
Game Five will be the final game of the series in Canada, one way or another. Clayton Kershaw will try and mercy-kill the RCMP, while Walter Johnson seeks to prolong the season beyond all reason.
GAME NOTES
-The RCMP's infield made four errors in the game. That is impressive. Of course, given that the RCMP scored zero runs, it didn't really turn out to matter at all.
-Dan Brouthers is a serious hitter.
-Gary Carter is trying! He's trying as hard as he can! Okay?!
-Please let this series end in Game Five. Please, please, please.
Box Score
Game 5: Chicago Southpaws @ RCMP (CHS Lead 3-1)
Don May posted:
TORMENT EXTENDED AS RCMP FORCE GAME 6 WITH 5-4 WIN
Toronto- But for the Southpaws' gimmick, this series would be over.
The refusal to use any right-handed pitchers may be in keeping with the greater ideology of the Southpaws, but it is not a particularly smart thing on the micro level. Take a game such as this. The game is tied 4-4 in the bottom of the ninth, and the RCMP have three straight right-handed hitters due up. They are not good hitters, representing the bottom of the RCMP lineup, and it would not take a particular effective reliever to force extra innings.
But, the Southpaws only have left-handed relievers, so they would be giving up the platoon advantage. And things managed to get even worse as Ernie Banks reached first base on an error by Cecil Travis to start the inning. Billy Wagner, never anyone's idea of a controlled pitcher, then fired a wild pitch that moved Banks to second. On the plus side, that meant that when Wagner plunked Killebrew immediately after, that it didn't advance the lead runner any further. Gary Carter, in an act of extreme cruelty, then forced a Game Six with a game-winning RBI single that sent the series back to Chicago for Game Six.
"We did it!" DannoMack said, proud of his team. "We did it. A lot of people thought that we were completely doomed in this series and, well, actually, we might still be doomed, we are still down three games to two, and we have to play the last two games in the Leftorium, and I don't know that it's very likely at all that we'll win both games, but we're not doomed today."
DannoMack paused. "Okay, technically, because of how the concept of doom works, I guess we might still be technically doomed, in that, if you're doomed, the doom persists until you die, so, I mean, the only way to get rid of the doom for sure would be to win the series, but, well, you know how it goes. In any event, I think that we've done Canada proud so hard. That's two clutch wins we've had in this series, and who's to say that we can't have two more?"
"I am to say." Pander said later. "I say that I am tired of the RCMP and them not going away. How do you think this series ends, DannoMack? Do you really think you're going to win two straight games in the Leftorium? Is that what you really think is going to happen? Because if that's what you think, then I have grave doubts about the Canadian education system. I mean, I already had those doubts, but now I have even more doubts."
"You know what, gently caress it, I am not going to pretend that a guy who compares himself to loving Jughead is going to beat my team. First of all, I don't what the gently caress is happening in Canada, but are Archie comics really a thing up there? Seriously? It's loving Archie comics! And you also compared yourself to Al Borland, which makes me think that you guys just got Home Improvement there last year, and are trying to catch up with the rest of the world. I mean, holy poo poo, I joke about Canada being 20 years behind America, but I'm wrong, you guys have to be closer to 25 years back. God drat it!"
"You want to know something else? You know how JR Leap occasionally pops in and calls you guys nerds? Do you know why she's not here now? It's because I told her that the road games were in Toronto, and she immediately said that she was busy doing other stuff, because, holy gently caress, she would rather divorce me than have to go to Toronto. And I don't blame her. If I could divorce myself right now for having to come to this poo poo-hole of a city, I would, drat it! I hate this city, I hate this series, and I just want this whole thing to loving wrap the gently caress up already! I mean, come on, we know I'm winning, let's just end it already, for god's sakes, just let it end!"
Game Six will be in Chicago. Some pitchers will be pitching.
GAME NOTES
-See! Gary Carter was doing his best!
-Clayton Kershaw may not have been able to win the game for his team, but he did strike out 11, which is a lot in the Super-League.
Box Score
Game 6: RCMP @ Chicago Southpaws (CHS Lead 3-2)
Don May posted:
SOUTHPAWS FINISH RCMP WITH 3-1 WIN
Chicago- In the end, no one was surprised.
Given a chance to play in their home stadium once again, the Southpaws put the shackles on the RCMP's offense, allowing just two hits as they took an easy 3-1 win to clinch the series, the season, and the championship. In the end, there was not a great deal more to say about the game. The Southpaws scored a run in the bottom of the first, at their first opportunity, and never relinquished the lead as they finished off the RCMP in the sixth and final game of the series, clinching their first and likely only Super-League Championship and ending Super-League XVII, a season that was full of many things, some of which weren't even soul-shattering.
Pander ditched the usual press conference, and instead brought an acoustic guitar for the presser. He tuned it a bit, and then, satisfied, began playing, "Okay, now, I know that all of you know this song, so feel free to sing along, although, I guess you may not know most of the lyrics. I want to dedicate this song to my main man, DannoMack, who made this possible with his brilliant roster management."
"Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road/Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go/So make the best of this test and don't ask why/It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time/It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right/I hope you had the time of your life." Pander smiled "Come on, everybody, sing it with me!"
"So take the photographs and still frames in your mind/Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time/Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial/For what it's worth, it was worth all the while/It's something unpredicatable, but in the end is right, I hope you had the time of your life!" Pander taunted DannoMack as he played the bridge, "This one is going out to DannoMack, and his amazing band of C-Plus players! Gary Carter, Robin Yount, and the immortal Aaron Ledesma, I will never forget you guys or what you did for my team. Everyone, let's give it up for these guys!"
"It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right, I hope you had the time of your life!" Pander gestured to the audience, "Come on! One more time! It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right, I hope you had the time of your life!" Pander finished the song and put down the guitat. "I am the champion of Super-League XVII, there is no other. I beat all 23 other teams, and it wasn't really that hard. But, as we all know, there's still one thing left to do. One thing to prove that, once and for all, I am the best owner that ever was in this Super-League. I must do what no one else has ever done, and I must beat the Macho Men."
A crack of thunder was heard, and darkness fell over the room. When the lights came back on, Smasher Dynamo stood at the back of the room. "I would ask you to reconsider, Pander." He said. "You have come so far, but you are not ready for the nightmare that you seek to summon. Show patience, it is a virtue, prepare your team, ready yourselves, the Macho Men are not to be taken lightly. Your team has potential, but it's still raw. Joe Judge still starts at first base, Ken Oberkfell looms on the bench, you are not ready. Not yet. There is more work for you to do."
"Scared, Smasher?" Pander asked. "Scared that I've built a team that can take out your precious Macho Men? I don't blame you, of course. You've spent a lot of time building up the Macho Men as the best team that there could be, and if they lose, well, then all of that goes down the drain. But that's not the real problem, is it? After all, isn't it an unstated tenet of the league that people only listen to you because you understand how the league works better than anyone? But if I beat you, that means that's not true, is it? It means that I know the Super-League better than you do. And it means that I am smarter than you."
"You don't need to do this." Smasher warned. "Not now. Take your time, Pander, don't rush in. Your team isn't ready. You won't be the first gimmick team the Macho Men killed. We took out the Doppels, way back when, we can take care of your team. I'm not DannoMack, I'm not going to panic when I face you. You'll face us straight-up, and you can mess around with smoke and mirrors all you want, but you can't make me think that a powerless team, with shaky defense, and the pitching that you've got, is going to be good enough. It's not."
"Wrong!" Pander yelled. "It's absolutely good enough! Look at what we did to the league! No one could stop us! You think that the Macho Men are special? You think they can't be stopped? I'm the only one that's special, I'm the smart one, I'm going to be the best!"
There will be no Game Seven, or any further games in this series or in this season. It's over. Due to contractual obligations, however, the Macho Men will face the Chicago Southpaws in a best-of-nine series that will follow the traditional deathmatch rules. Only one team will survive.
GAME NOTES
-Game notes? You want Game Notes? I just finished the season, and now you guys want more from me? Well, you aren't going to get it. You want a game note? Here's a game note! No more games this season.
-I go now.
Box Score
Pander!
Prepare yourself for the end.
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Nov 18, 2015 16:42
TRADE 
