Tokyo Sexwhale posted:

shut the gently caress up bill

mpaarating posted:

Again, you nerds need to join blops if you want PvP outside of wartime. They can teach you to be less dumb than you ever imagined. God bless tib.

Tokyo Sexwhale posted:

shut the gently caress up bill

Huge_Midget posted:

Wtf did I just read on the past two pages?!? Are we at war?

Loden Taylor posted:

That's kinda the problem. The wars are the part I miss.

avatarinwin posted:

ya bill ur a giant piece of poo poo no lie

Bigbillthaboss posted:

who are you?

mpaarating posted:

Doan be salty bill, we lu u

avatarinwin posted:

ya bill ur a giant piece of poo poo no lie

Viva Miriya posted:

WARNING TO NITPICKING MANGOS: Dates are skewed, I don't keep a log of my eve life, and not all details are covered, as the lives of the poor innocent newbeans must be spared from the "WE'RE GONA gently caress THEM TILL THEY'RE DEAD" of the mittani.
.
PRESCRIPT: PH/WF/PL/BNI/Others denied Mitten's deal which would begin a sort of war game to promote content in eve or someshit like that. (lol promote content, more like promote book). And Imperium was probably preeeetty upset that this book was failing horribly and SMA was getting ruined by PH on a daily basis for weeks on end.

November 14: Pandemic Horde gets solid intel that goons want to invade something

November 15-16: It becomes pretty obvious that cloud ring was the target, Plans were made and preparations for a seamless evac begin

November 16: Imperium got ahead of themselves and revealed the SOTG time way too early [1]
Analyzing all vulnerability timers at that date and time, PH realizes that their vulnerability timer is just ~1.5hr after the speech. Knowing that based mittens loves to make his speeches then go immediately into battle [2] , PH decides that they will be the target and actions needed to be taken.

Before Downtime, November 16: Pandemic Horde, Waffles, and Brave set their vulnerability timers to AUTZ, 30 mins before downtime, with capital systems having an ADM of 6.0. This would mean that downtime would interrupt entosising of capital systems, allowing more people to gtfo. On top of this, the time and date set for the glorious war speech was out of sync with original plans. (More on this later)

November 16-17: New capital system targeted, assets were seeded just in case goons started hellcamping PH into station earlier than expected (More on this later). PH/Waffle dirs thought that the most probable causus belli would be to promote mittens' lovely book or something stupid, may as well try to hype up the Imperium even more, right?
PH begins evacuating assets out of Cloud ring.

November 17: Thanks to tappits, unbeknownst to dank imperium intel, work began on capturing PH's new staging system in. As rumors do, they spread to other alliances, and the dir team started getting messages asking what was going to happen, what should they do to help, and is the Imperium really serious? Admiral Goberius, CEO of PH, needed a solid way to stop false stories from spreading and attempt to hide what PH was planning on doing. So he went and found the biggest troll in all of eve to help him, my ceo, penifSMASH.

THIS IS THE GOOD PART

The orders of the silver tounged Indian were simple; Because BNI/TEST are the leakiest faucets in all of eve, intentionally leak false intel to them, as it will surely find its way to the imperium quickly. So we told them that PH/PL/NC./NARM/everyoneTbh were forming a megacoalition to take down goons, staging out of cloud ring, and that the coalition needs all the help they could get. Welp, we all know that the intel did eventually get to Mittens. tybni

November 18: As usual, this date was the "Calm before the storm". Not much happened, a few roaming gangs of goons were slaughtered in W-4NUU, and final preperations were completed for a full evac.

"D-Day"(lol): Around an hour before the great Mittani's speech, Admiral Goberius formed 150 PH/Waffles in feroxes, and sat in station, waiting. Next door, in okagaiken, a 200 man Imperium Tengu fleet was reinforcing poses, and being harrased by some waffles. Lelob, of ElitistOps, had formed catalysts to kill some tengus (which ended up being successful) and piss them off. Eventually, the speech began, and the PH plan was put into action.

The Imperium Tengu fleet next door was chased off by merlins, forcing them to dock ( I poo poo YOU NOT ). This allowed the PH fleet to move with impunity. PH/PL had a wormhole chain scanned from A-ELE2, PL's home, all the way to just a couple of jumps out of W-4NUU, and so they undocked, and started moving as Mittani's speech was underway.

Mittens sounded furious, adding smug and hype to the imperium hype train. He went on explaining how PANDEMIC HORDE, 2,000 MAN NEWBEAN ALLIANCE HAD PLANS TO FORM A MEGACOALITION AND TAKE ON THE IMPERIUM AND ASSAULT THEM FROM THEIR DOORSTEP, CLOUD RING. Yup, they fell for it.

Then this happened [3]

At this point, PH was already far from W-4NUU, leaving only a few director alts behind to convo the new players about how their alliance was moving, and to help them along. About halfway to destination, Mittani dropped the bomb. THE IMPERIUM IS GOING TO WAR, AS SOON AS WE'RE DONE HERE, THERE WILL BE MOVE OPS AND ESCORTS TO RAIN HELL UPON THESE HEATHENS. WE ALREADY HAVE BOYS OUT THERE SETTING BUBBLES UP OFF OF THEIR STATION (which is false, I brought down 350 bubbles and bubblefucked the entire region before we left, those are my bubbles, gently caress you mittens) AND HELLCAMPING THEM IN. He is referring to his brave forces, the 200 tengus, docked in okagaiken station after being chased off by a merlin fleet. PANDEMIC HORDE'S VULNERABILITY TIMER COMES OUT IN JUST OVER AN HOUR, WE WILL BE THERE, READY TO STRIKE (here it comes). IT SEEMS AS IF THE VERY CLEVER RESIDENTS OF CLOUD RING HAVE CHANGED THEIR VULNERABILITY TIMERS ( lmfao ). "CLEVER GIRLS".

Riding on the false intel line straight to smugville, mittens crashed his hype train right into a 100ft thick steel wall. W-4NUU's vulnerability timer was set to 11 hours from this point. His hypey crew of goons now has absolutely nothing to do, and the relatively large PH force which he thought had formed to fight the imperium was safely docked in Pandemic Legion's home in delve. No fights for the imperium, a very boring and tedious week of grinding a region for no reason, all assets were evacuated, not a single shot was fired at the DANK NEWBIE MEGACOALITION ATTEMPTING TO DETHRONE THE IMPERIUM AS KING OF EVESPACE.
Oh and best of all, the imperium is now sitting in cloud ring, doing absolutely nothing for the next 11 hours, bashing the non existant towers that PH owns, in a completely deserted region.

Checkmate, BUY MY EVEBOOK GUYS.

Thanks for reading. Some dates obviously skewed because I dont keep a diary or anything, so dont publish this in some book or something. Not all details are covered either, need to keep the newbeans safe from the venerable mittani.

PS: Feel free to deploy to wipe PH off the face of the eve, 14 mids away from Deklein and under PL's nose. o7 to the toonies in the goonies.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z34-oolsEnM

Viva Miriya posted:

WARNING TO NITPICKING MANGOS: Dates are skewed, I don't keep a log of my eve life, and not all details are covered, as the lives of the poor innocent newbeans must be spared from the "WE'RE GONA gently caress THEM TILL THEY'RE DEAD" of the mittani.
.
PRESCRIPT: PH/WF/PL/BNI/Others denied Mitten's deal which would begin a sort of war game to promote content in eve or someshit like that. (lol promote content, more like promote book). And Imperium was probably preeeetty upset that this book was failing horribly and SMA was getting ruined by PH on a daily basis for weeks on end.

November 14: Pandemic Horde gets solid intel that goons want to invade something

November 15-16: It becomes pretty obvious that cloud ring was the target, Plans were made and preparations for a seamless evac begin

November 16: Imperium got ahead of themselves and revealed the SOTG time way too early [1]
Analyzing all vulnerability timers at that date and time, PH realizes that their vulnerability timer is just ~1.5hr after the speech. Knowing that based mittens loves to make his speeches then go immediately into battle [2] , PH decides that they will be the target and actions needed to be taken.

Before Downtime, November 16: Pandemic Horde, Waffles, and Brave set their vulnerability timers to AUTZ, 30 mins before downtime, with capital systems having an ADM of 6.0. This would mean that downtime would interrupt entosising of capital systems, allowing more people to gtfo. On top of this, the time and date set for the glorious war speech was out of sync with original plans. (More on this later)

November 16-17: New capital system targeted, assets were seeded just in case goons started hellcamping PH into station earlier than expected (More on this later). PH/Waffle dirs thought that the most probable causus belli would be to promote mittens' lovely book or something stupid, may as well try to hype up the Imperium even more, right?
PH begins evacuating assets out of Cloud ring.

November 17: Thanks to tappits, unbeknownst to dank imperium intel, work began on capturing PH's new staging system in. As rumors do, they spread to other alliances, and the dir team started getting messages asking what was going to happen, what should they do to help, and is the Imperium really serious? Admiral Goberius, CEO of PH, needed a solid way to stop false stories from spreading and attempt to hide what PH was planning on doing. So he went and found the biggest troll in all of eve to help him, my ceo, penifSMASH.

THIS IS THE GOOD PART

The orders of the silver tounged Indian were simple; Because BNI/TEST are the leakiest faucets in all of eve, intentionally leak false intel to them, as it will surely find its way to the imperium quickly. So we told them that PH/PL/NC./NARM/everyoneTbh were forming a megacoalition to take down goons, staging out of cloud ring, and that the coalition needs all the help they could get. Welp, we all know that the intel did eventually get to Mittens. tybni

November 18: As usual, this date was the "Calm before the storm". Not much happened, a few roaming gangs of goons were slaughtered in W-4NUU, and final preperations were completed for a full evac.

"D-Day"(lol): Around an hour before the great Mittani's speech, Admiral Goberius formed 150 PH/Waffles in feroxes, and sat in station, waiting. Next door, in okagaiken, a 200 man Imperium Tengu fleet was reinforcing poses, and being harrased by some waffles. Lelob, of ElitistOps, had formed catalysts to kill some tengus (which ended up being successful) and piss them off. Eventually, the speech began, and the PH plan was put into action.

The Imperium Tengu fleet next door was chased off by merlins, forcing them to dock ( I poo poo YOU NOT ). This allowed the PH fleet to move with impunity. PH/PL had a wormhole chain scanned from A-ELE2, PL's home, all the way to just a couple of jumps out of W-4NUU, and so they undocked, and started moving as Mittani's speech was underway.

Mittens sounded furious, adding smug and hype to the imperium hype train. He went on explaining how PANDEMIC HORDE, 2,000 MAN NEWBEAN ALLIANCE HAD PLANS TO FORM A MEGACOALITION AND TAKE ON THE IMPERIUM AND ASSAULT THEM FROM THEIR DOORSTEP, CLOUD RING. Yup, they fell for it.

Then this happened [3]

At this point, PH was already far from W-4NUU, leaving only a few director alts behind to convo the new players about how their alliance was moving, and to help them along. About halfway to destination, Mittani dropped the bomb. THE IMPERIUM IS GOING TO WAR, AS SOON AS WE'RE DONE HERE, THERE WILL BE MOVE OPS AND ESCORTS TO RAIN HELL UPON THESE HEATHENS. WE ALREADY HAVE BOYS OUT THERE SETTING BUBBLES UP OFF OF THEIR STATION (which is false, I brought down 350 bubbles and bubblefucked the entire region before we left, those are my bubbles, gently caress you mittens) AND HELLCAMPING THEM IN. He is referring to his brave forces, the 200 tengus, docked in okagaiken station after being chased off by a merlin fleet. PANDEMIC HORDE'S VULNERABILITY TIMER COMES OUT IN JUST OVER AN HOUR, WE WILL BE THERE, READY TO STRIKE (here it comes). IT SEEMS AS IF THE VERY CLEVER RESIDENTS OF CLOUD RING HAVE CHANGED THEIR VULNERABILITY TIMERS ( lmfao ). "CLEVER GIRLS".

Riding on the false intel line straight to smugville, mittens crashed his hype train right into a 100ft thick steel wall. W-4NUU's vulnerability timer was set to 11 hours from this point. His hypey crew of goons now has absolutely nothing to do, and the relatively large PH force which he thought had formed to fight the imperium was safely docked in Pandemic Legion's home in delve. No fights for the imperium, a very boring and tedious week of grinding a region for no reason, all assets were evacuated, not a single shot was fired at the DANK NEWBIE MEGACOALITION ATTEMPTING TO DETHRONE THE IMPERIUM AS KING OF EVESPACE.
Oh and best of all, the imperium is now sitting in cloud ring, doing absolutely nothing for the next 11 hours, bashing the non existant towers that PH owns, in a completely deserted region.

Checkmate, BUY MY EVEBOOK GUYS.

Thanks for reading. Some dates obviously skewed because I dont keep a diary or anything, so dont publish this in some book or something. Not all details are covered either, need to keep the newbeans safe from the venerable mittani.

PS: Feel free to deploy to wipe PH off the face of the eve, 14 mids away from Deklein and under PL's nose. o7 to the toonies in the goonies.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z34-oolsEnM

Viva Miriya posted:

I still find Pandemic Horde blueballing THE IMPERIUM to be amusing as poo poo alongside THE MITTANI getting angry that some people in EVE Online didn't play it their way. Reddit excuses aside.

Kiryen posted:

I hear autistic people really have a hard time understanding tone and inflection. Just to help you out in the future, that wasn't a tone of anger.

Kiryen posted:

I hear autistic people really have a hard time understanding tone and inflection. Just to help you out in the future, that wasn't a tone of anger.

mpaarating posted:

Also check your reg priv nig, jesus

crew posted:

Apparently there is another grassroots attempt at forming an anti-imperium coalition with Ncdot firing up Northern Army again and people reaching out to shitlers like MC so the plan is to push them out or back to Fountain and then purge enemy moons wherever they may lie in lowsec.

avatarinwin posted:

ya bill ur a giant piece of poo poo no lie

Viva Miriya posted:

Kiryen posted:

I hear autistic people really have a hard time understanding tone and inflection. Just to help you out in the future, that wasn't a tone of anger.

Tokyo Sexwhale posted:

this thread and the entirety of the eve population

mpaarating posted:

It was kind of a tone of boredom if anything. It sounded like "gently caress me, I have to spout this poo poo again, bleeegh"

Viva Miriya posted:

True story I only post ITT whenever CFC idiots do stupid things that are big enough for me to notice. I make a few shitposts and walk away to the tune of new fucks defending their spaceship empire on a comedy forum. Truthfully there is literally nothing I can mock y'all for that's a bigger joke than what y'all have done in the past and will do now. gently caress all eve goons.

Dalael posted:

One day, someone will have to do a write up of "The Dozer Saga" for those of us not old enough to know wtf is wrong with him.

Dalael posted:

One day, someone will have to do a write up of "The Dozer Saga" for those of us not old enough to know wtf is wrong with him.

Viva Miriya posted:

One day you'll make a good post.



Just kidding you'll always be a piece of poo poo.

Viva Miriya posted:

what a thrill

Tokyo Sexwhale posted:

Isn't anything wrong with him,

Viva Miriya posted:

The only good goonfleet is the goonfleet that died when SMASH smashed deadtear's titan.