Smythe posted:

*watching DBAN run on dead gramms compy* You're free now. Rest in peace, old friend.

Smythe posted:

*on my deathbed* son... pls dban my gaming rig. theres some poo poo on there u dont want to see.

Smythe posted:

son: dban? whats that???
me: fucktarded bitch.. how did you come from my loins.. casual fag. unbelievable
*machine flatlines*

Desuwa posted:

How do you prove that I exist? Likewise I cannot prove that you exist. I could be a brain in a jar being fed sensory information.

There are a lot of things, most "things" in fact, that you cannot prove beyond all possible alternative explanations. "Negatives" aren't special and don't exist as a set of things.

Even ignoring those kinds of things, it's possible to prove that physical unicorns don't exist in this universe. It's just not practical, as it would involve somehow confirming that no unicorn is present anywhere in the universe at once, but that's not "impossible", just impractical. It's very easy to change it (unicorns only exist sometimes, unicorns are not observable, etc) so that it's impossible to disprove but it's just as easy to make things that are impossible to prove.


As a simple proof, let's assume I can't prove "negatives."

So for every X I cannot prove "not X." Therefore I also can't prove "not not X" either, and since "not not X" is just "X" I can't prove anything, at all.

Eponine posted:

It's like Plato's cave except I'm on fire and screaming.

El Spider posted:

Make me the GBS moderator

Spanish Manlove posted:

Please don't do it.

sharktamer posted:

Posting actual jokes in GBS already seems high brow.

Non-EuclideanCat posted:

Only if it's made a rule that all posts end in "wakka wakka".

CowboyKid posted:

"Today my History class took a feild trip to the Museum of Tolerance. Its a museum showing kids not to be prejudice and all that good stuff. Anyways, one exhibit is two doors next to each other. One door has a sign hanging over it saying "Those with prejudice walk through this door" The other door's sign said "Those without prejudice walk through this door". Obviously the door for people without prejudice isn't openable because as the tour guide says "Everyone has prejudice". So, I start tugging on the door and say "What the hell is wrong with this drat door, did some drat Jew make this?" and the tour guide kicked me out and i had to sit in the bus for 15 minutes"

Big Mad Drongo posted:

I just want you to say you're a monster and thanks to you I went through a bunch of rigmarole to get this thing working last night and my wife made fun of me for going through the trouble for a game that, in her words, "looks so bad" and now I'm about to blow a bunch of free time playing a 20-year-old game when it could be wasted on Fallout 4 or something.

GreenNight posted:

Tell your wife that just because it looks bad due to it's age, doesn't mean you don't love it the same as when you first met it.

cheerfullydrab posted:

Does anyone have that quote where the guy related his pathetic and made up story about how he made a joke in a theater and and the whole place turned into an 'MST3K-style riff fest'?

I may have been reading that thread as it happened.

Mister Glockwork posted:

I saw Ghostrider with a bunch of my friends on opening night just to heckle it. We even held a contest to see who could throw out the best heckle.

Apparently my friend had the same exact idea as me because as soon as Ghostrider first appeared we yelled out "HOW'D IT GET BURNED?" in our best Wicker Man impressions. The audience loving lost it and the rest of the movie turned into a MSTK riff fest.

Falstaffs Honor posted:

I don't think this story is true, because I doubt most of the audience was familiar with internet videos about Wicker Man.

Adrianics posted:

Just like that time I went to see Atonement and when that faggy guy with the stupid moustache gave the chocolate to that kid I yelled 'YOU GONNA GET RAPED' and I swear that the audience was laughing so hard they had to stop the film for a few minutes

Mister Glockwork posted:

I saw Ghostrider with a bunch of my friends on opening night just to heckle it. We even held a contest to see who could throw out the best heckle. Apparently my friend had the same exact idea as me because as soon as Ghostrider first appeared we yelled out "HOW'D IT GET BURNED?" in our best Wicker Man impressions. The audience loving lost it and the rest of the movie turned into a MSTK riff fest.

Falstaffs Honor posted:

I don't think this story is true, because I doubt most of the audience was familiar with internet videos about Wicker Man.

Factor Mystic posted:

BUT IT WAS A MST3K RIFF FEST I TELL YOU

FitFortDanga posted:

When I went to see Schindler's List, the first time Amon Goeth appears onscreen, I shouted out "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!" and the whole audience cheered and asked for my autograph. It was awesome.

Adrianics posted:

Just like that time I went to see Atonement and when that faggy guy with the stupid moustache gave the chocolate to that kid I yelled 'YOU GONNA GET RAPED' and I swear that the audience was laughing so hard they had to stop the film for a few minutes

Zach Hoagie posted:

When I watched No Country for Old Men I yelled out "ADDITIONAL PYLONS" then Jesus came from heaven itself to give me a high-five and all the women in the audience formed a line to blow me.

jdwalsh posted:

Haha, yes. When I watched [POPULAR MOVIE] I yelled out [OBSCURE INTERNET MEME] and [POSITIVE FEEDBACK FROM AUDIENCE]

Falstaffs Honor posted:

This one time, I saw Meet the Spartans and I said "hey that's not funny" and the audience sacrificed a heifer in my honor

kickascii posted:

I was around 12 or 13 when I got a 300 baud modem for my commodore 64. Kid at school had access to pirated games aka “warez" and hooked me up with a list of BBS phone numbers. I finally successfully connected and got into filling out a registration form. I got stumped on the "ANSI or ASCII" question when suddenly the screen went blank and a message slowly scrolled across. It dawned on me that someone was typing the message out in real time and it terrified me for some reason. "you are the worst lamer i have ever seen. never call here again."

flakeloaf posted:

i wouldn't download a cat because i don't know how to set up a decent sandbox

Sleeveless posted:

Modern GBS is a Breitbart FYAD-light, there's no room for jokes.

ReelBigLizard posted:

We're howling down the 12 lane hyperway now, the old contraband R1 and me. An old crash-salvage track bike, it wasn't registered when the black boxes became mandatory and I managed to clone a licence chip from another registered bike of the same colour. I'm riding the faded painted remains of a lane divider, dead centre of the road, they painted them on when the road was new. They never bothered to re-paint them.

The regimented blocks of commuter pods split out of their high efficiency drafting algorithms like shoals of fish as the sensor packs pick up the speeding predator now amongst them. There's a swarm of high speed drones going full tilt behind me now but the bike has had a little work and it will push over 180mph on the latest synthetic fuels. They're no-doubt still flashing shutdown codes at me in futility as I pull away. Of course, the high altitude optical systems will have me by now, it's only a matter of time before a tech in a Kampala data-centre authorises the pods to perform a rolling roadblock. I tuck in hard and twist the throttle tube harder against the stops like it will make a difference, exit 0x2AF3 is my only hope now.

ALL-PRO SEXMAN posted:

This is a really bad quote.

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Those are riffs on an old Star Trek episode.

ReelBigLizard posted:

The old Yoshimura pipe is pumping out a high, flat howl somewhere behind me now. The speedo has all but frozen at 184mph and the commuter pods are struggling to get out of the way without jostling the digitally sedated inhabitants. I catch flashes of startled faces through toughened glass and allow myself a little smirk thinking about hot, spilled lattes flying around the cabins. A pole bristling with sensors and antennae marks 3 miles to the exit, one minute at this speed but I'll have to start slowing down before then. Exit 0x2AF3 is a rough splice onto an old section of legacy highway going east into the rough country and it's used so little that there is often a fine film of green moss on the surface.

Forty-five seconds. I look to my mirrors and immediately give up, the vibrations are turning everything behind me into a blur of road, sky and startled multi-colour blobs. I'll find out if the interceptor drones have given up soon enough. I feel my knuckles creak as I start to release the throttle tube. I've been holding on too tight because of the adrenaline and I'm lucky that I haven't sent the bike into violent headshake.

Thirty seconds, I can see the exit up ahead now. Still too fast, I rest a finger on the lever and start to apply pressure and I feel the sintered pads start to bite. With an almost telepathic push on the bars I point the bike towards the far lane where another big train of streamlined composite sheep are huddled. They start to shuffle as I approach, embedded systems frantically calculating and recalculating my changing trajectory until the hive mind makes the executive decision to split the herd to avoid a collision. The trailing group rapidly slows as the lead group adds a sudden burst of emergency acceleration from the torquey brushless motors to make a gap and I slide between them like I've got a force-field.

Fifteen seconds. I'm matching speed with them now and to my surprise the opaque rear glass on the pod in front of me flips to transparent as a sleepy-eyed child struggles to focus on the world outside. He blinks at the bike and suddenly the eyes are as big as saucers, mouth agape. He raises his hand to the glass and I go to give him a thumbs up when his gaze suddenly shifts to somewhere over my shoulder. I already know what I'm going to see as I twist my head to look. First Technician Mbire has come back from the snack machine and slammed the "Detain" button.

ReelBigLizard posted:

Seven or eight pods from the trailing group have split off into a C-shaped formation in my blind spot and now they're strafing towards me at an alarming speed. As I whip my head back towards the exit lane I'm left with the impression of faces obscured by various devices livecasting the imminent arrest, backlit by red interior lighting. The entertainment systems will be busy telling the occupants to remain calm while their vehicles are commandeered for important law enforcement business.

Zero. I give the bars a push and the bike tips into the turn like a fighter jet evading a missile. I cross onto the off-ramp much too fast and dangerously late, missing the divider by inches. It's only a gentle curve for the first hundred yards and I'm trail braking as hard as I dare, waiting for that stomach wrenching feeling of the front end starting to let go. A flash of red light in the mirror. poo poo, did one of them make the exit? I'm still too fast and I can see the deadly frosting of green on the bend ahead. I'm fighting the urge to keep staring at it, if I fixate now I'm hosed. I have to override the lizard brain, look to the exit. What exit?

A single, dangerous thought suddenly cuts through the wall of noise in my head. Not even a thought really, more like a sensation or a memory of a sensation; Dirt bikes in the fields, banked corners and ruts. I suddenly know that this isn't just the best chance I have, it's the only chance. I allow the bike to edge closer to the smooth concrete barrier until my world is filled with flying grit and gravel.

ReelBigLizard posted:

As the bike runs up against the barrier the bars twitch and I know I'm just along for the ride now. I keep the throttle steady as the corner tightens and I get pushed down into the seat, not daring to change a single input. As my head gets pushed down towards the tank I catch a glimpse of something in the mirror. It must be one of the pods, the red light is now complimented by orange hazard lights flashing as the traction control slowly loses the fight with the moss. In normal operations the TC in these things would have had no trouble but evidently the law enforcement protocols were overriding several safety interlocks for improved performance.

As I force my attention back to what is in front of me I can see the exit onto the old deprecated highway now, I can also see the rock. It's about the size of my fist, it's right in the gutter and there's no avoiding it. The suspension is already near bottom when the front wheel meets it and my chin bar smacks into the top of the tank. As it meets the rear the bike jumps under me and I'm out of the seat as the bike careens out onto the old tarmac across several lanes. The bike bucks one way and then the next underneath me and I do my best to go loose and let it right itself. I fall back into the seat just in time to avoid the central reservation when I hear a huge crash from behind.

I coast to a crawl and twist around to see the pod has flipped over the reservation and is now laying upside down amongst a thousand composite fragments, safety windows now nearly opaque but still intact. gently caress. I pull a u-turn through a gap in the reservation and set the bike, still running, on the kickstand next to the stricken vehicle. The emergency release cables for the door have been exposed by the breakaway covers and with the adrenaline still surging I rip at the handle, pulling the door open more violently than I intended.

ReelBigLizard posted:

In Kampala, First Technician Mbire finally remembers to breathe as the call gets auto-prioritised up to Task Co-ordinator Onek.

The inside of the pod looks like a grocery aisle exploded, it must have just been on a shopping run. Organic pasta sauce and smashed eggs coat the interior, but I'm relieved to see there are no human passengers. Did the pursuit algorithms take that into account? Risk the exit because no-one was in there? It's been a while since I really looked into the state of the technology in these things and they are always pushing down tweaks and patches.

I don't have time to think about it now, the high altitude systems will be watching all of this in glorious composite multi-wavelength and it will only be a matter of minutes before a second wave of Authority arrives. poo poo, maybe even a real live operator; I've made enough of a mess for sure. I swing a leg over the bike and I feel the heat rising up through the cowling vents into my perforated leather jacket. Real leather too, not the stuff made by algae. A long time ago this had been responsible for wrapping an actual cow. The trousers are synth of course, but what can you do? Since the production ban the genuine stuff has all but been priced out of reach of us mere mortals by collectors and the retro fashion crowd.

If I can make it to the gorge I might just lose my optical pursuers, they'd have to be right over head to maintain a fix in there and it's basically a radio dead zone to boot. I'm cruising at 150mph with only a fifth of a tank left when the shadow of the rapid response carrier flashes over me.

StringOfLetters posted:

Are they going to dramatically re-work the Stress system, or is that just how it is? A lot of it doesn't make much sense. After the fifth or sixth time getting a cup full of blood thrown at you, you know, you're going to be pretty soaked already, it's not going to keep being a startling new development.

Normal Adult Human posted:

Hey nerd im gonna give you six swirlies and each time you'll cry a little harder

Improbable Lobster posted:

The September 11, 2001 attacks drastically changed the fashion world. Denim became hugely popular, with almost all forms of it being distressed.

computer parts posted:

so i wonder which national crisis brought on yoga pants

theflyingexecutive posted:

the great pumpkin spice famine of 08

theflyingexecutive posted:

times were lean, woo girls were collapsing in their uggs, bodies of basic bitches bundled like the brawny man's bounty

ALL-PRO SEXMAN posted:

Another amazing Triticum Guzzler post.

infernal machines posted:

toronto lookin cyberpunk as gently caress

Moist von Lipwig posted:

lol i just realized i can see my girlfriends office in this pic

Hogge Wild posted:

the street?

Trig Discipline posted:

There's not much I like better in life than a cruel burn out of nowhere.

Snapchat A Titty posted:

gently caress everything.

VanSandman posted:

I see you take after your mother.

Snapchat A Titty posted:

9.1

Bertrand Hustle posted:

On the Richter scale, maybe.

coronatae posted:

I'd like to request that age-old quote about weight loss, it's in the form of the dialog of a lady on the phone with her friend Barb. She talks about what she ate all day (a ton of unhealthy poo poo) and then laments how the weight just won't come off!

Need it as motivation to mind what the hell I eat.

LadyAmbien posted:

For real. I would LOVE to see every response coupled with a picture of themselves.

numberoneposter posted:

ive been working out

a bone to pick posted:

mmm I love a hairless pussy

Germstore posted:

how can you tell he's bald with the bike helmet on?

many johnnys posted:

International Student: Snake... do you... like me?

Snake: What the!?

International Student: Do you like me? Hold me, Snake.

Snake: What's wrong?

International Student: Hurry... hurry! Make love to me!! Snake, I want you!!

(We now see The OP's Advisor behind International Student. He is controlling her.)

Snake: Who's that!?

Advisor: Huh? You don't like girls?

Your Dunkle Sans posted:

Meg From Family Guy posted:

The only time passion enters into his voice is when he mentions islam.

I bet by February 2017 the “announcement” will be made on the View or Oprah show that he’s “converted” to it

Chokes McGee posted:

Shut up, Meg.

Stereotype posted:

maniacdevnull posted:

*dives over pile of other posters and shouting* No ring

Sham bam bamina! posted:

ahaha what a thread