Boofchicken posted:

She actually just wrote a new one this year, so I guess money is more important than your beliefs.

Edit: Beaten

Zaphod42 posted:

Yeah it looks like she's still Christian but she's no longer hardcore and has actually distanced herself from Christianity as an organization, while still proclaiming to be true to Jesus.

Which is pretty sensible.

Glad to hear she wrote another, maaaaybe I'll get around to it at some point but probably not.

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

It was a joke in response to his joke

e: I cannot find any adequate stdh tagged "vampire," this is disappointing.

Zaphod42 posted:

snergle posted:

I feel like they made sure everyone knew it wasn't a real child doing it when they referenced

jodai posted:

Go to NAR, type vampire, sort through 900 boring "twilight sucks" ones and also a couple about people throwing garlic at each other.

quote:

Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
Restaurant | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Top

(I have albinism, so I have very pale skin, white hair, and red irises.)
Me: “Hi. What can I get for you?”
Customer: “Are…are you a vampire?”
Me: “Well, my dad is half-vampire.” *laughing*
Customer: “Please, don’t bite me.”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m not going to bite you.”
Customer: “Don’t put any blood in my food either. I don’t want to be a vampire.”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m not going to put blood in your food. I’m not a vampire. We serve regular food here.”
Customer: “Let me speak to your manager.”
(I go and get my manager, and fill him in on what’s going on.)
Customer, to my manager: “Is your vampire waitress going to bite me?”
Manager: “Only if you don’t tip her well.”
(The woman looks completely horrified, but finally ends up ordering and leaving me a 21% tip.)

quote:

It Must Have Been A New Moon
Bookstore | Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

(This particular customer is a semi-regular who tends to loiter around the new age and paranormal sections. She has knee-length flowing blonde hair and is fond of hippyish clothing. Tonight, I notice her staring at me from a distance for a few minutes with a subtle, knowing smile.)
Me: “Hello, how are you today? Would you like any help?”
Customer: “Good, quite good. I don’t need any help, but can I just talk to you for a minute?”
Me: “Sure. What would you like to talk about?”
Customer: “You. I just have some questions about you. You work here quite a lot, don’t you? At night. I see you every night I come in.”
Me: “Yes, I do tend to work here Thursday and Friday nights.”
Customer: “I notice cause you’re so pretty. Such long dark hair and pale skin.”
Me: “Umm, thanks.”
Customer: “What’s your name?”
Me: “It’s [my name].”
Customer: “That’s a lovely name. A very old fashioned name. You don’t really hear it anymore.”
(By this point, I’m getting confused as I didn’t think my name was that uncommon. I’m not sure what point she’s trying to make.)
Customer: “What else do you do, other than working here?”
Me: “I’m in my fourth year of uni. My major is Science, but I do some electives in Literature and History.”
Customer: *smiles* “Ahhh. So you’re quite educated, as well.”
Me: “I guess you could say that.”
Customer: “Well, I had better not waste any more of your time. But I just want to tell you that I understand now, and I won’t tell anyone.”
Me: “Ah, ok. About what?”
Customer: “Your secret. That you are one of them. A vampire.”
(The customer leaves while I just stand there confused.)
Coworker: “What’s up?”
Me: “I ****ing hate Twilight…”

quote:

More Daylight, Less Twilight, Part 6
Video Game Store | Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Top

(I’m helping a customer in her early teens.)
Customer: “Hey, I’m trying to find a game for my boyfriend. Could you help me?”
Me: “Yeah, sure. What sort of—”
Customer: “Oh, the guy on this is hot! What’s this like?”
Me: “Oh, that’s the new Castlevania game. Basically, it’s about killing vampires and werewolves.”
Customer: “What!?! Why would anyone buy this?! Vampires and werewolves are cool and hot! You make me sick selling this! Haven’t you ever seen Twilight!? Vampires are like people!” *runs out of the shop with tears in her eyes*
Me: “I feel so sorry for her boyfriend.”

Murphy Brownback posted:

How could anyone that stepped foot in a university think that "Science" is an actual major/degree you can get?

Murphy Brownback posted:

How could anyone that stepped foot in a university think that "Science" is an actual major/degree you can get?

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

Customer: “What!?! Why would anyone buy this?! Vampires and werewolves are cool and hot! You make me sick selling this! Haven’t you ever seen Twilight!? Vampires are like people!”

A Classy Ghost posted:

This sounds like a quote from Tommy Wiseau.

Dogfish posted:

Humans with albinism usually have blue eyes, so, uh, I guess the main character in that first story actually IS a vampire?

A Classy Ghost posted:

This sounds like a quote from Tommy Wiseau.

Domus posted:

You know how in all the STDH happen things involving homeless people, the homeless guy is always so thankful for the small kindness, and then ends up getting his life together? Today my boss was watching our security cameras, and noticed someone prone on the sidewalk, not moving. So we went out and I shook the guy on his shoulder, and asked "Hey dude, are you ok?" He mumbled something I didn't catch, and I said "We saw you on the security camera, and we just wanted to make sure you're ok? What's the matter, do you need anything?" The guy springs awake and goes "Yeah, the problem is I'm loving exhausted, and you won't let me sleep. I don't need anything! I need some loving respect! Here, take this!" And he dug into his pocket, and tried to give me a dollar. Then he sprung up and wandered off, and we went back to work. And I felt like an rear end in a top hat for the rest of the day.

And then Albert Einstein married my boss.

Samizdata posted:

Who was a conservative, religious Marine home from duty overseas?

jodai posted:

“What!?! Why would anyone buy this?! Vampires and werewolves are cool and hot! You make me sick selling this! Haven’t you ever seen Twilight!? Vampires are like people!"
"Oh, hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you."
"That's me. Here you go, keep the change. Bye, doggy."
"You're my favorite customer."

Bobby Digital posted:

The homeless guy WAS the marine.

sweeperbravo posted:

“What!?! Why would anyone buy this?! Vampires and werewolves are cool and hot! You make me sick selling this! Haven’t you ever seen Twilight!? Vampires are like people!"
"Oh, hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you."
"That's me. Here you go, keep the change. Bye, doggy."
"You're my favorite customer."

EZipperelli posted:

Literally the best 15 seconds of any movie. Ever.

quote:

definitely not the author posted:
(I’m working the register at the local library. We have a program where we help aspiring writers get their names out there by printing previews of the first few chapters of their book for local review before they send it to major publishers. One of said aspiring writers is talking with some people about his book, a long and detailed story with a vampire and werewolf as dual protagonists. Comparisons with Twilight have been drawn by several people, and he calmly explains the (myriad) differences, usually ending with a blunt jab about Twilight being “ploddingly written garbage.”)

kinmik posted:

Serious question, are there any parents that actually give that much of a poo poo what their kid likes to play with?

TheKennedys posted:

It's got everything except marriage and Einstein.

TheKennedys posted:

It's got everything except marriage and Einstein.

System Metternich posted:

Men are a race now?

Josef bugman posted:

It has to fight hard against the whole "Its bullshit, I didn't hit her, its bullshit I did naaat. Oh hai Mark" bit.

TheKennedys posted:

It's got everything except marriage and Einstein.

Fathis Munk posted:

Wait can you ever use objective in that sense in English?

Because else the idea of objective, no sorry OBJECTIVE attraction is kinda funny to me.