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I think my minotaur is performing about as well as the actual Rob Ford would.
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Dec 7, 2015 09:43
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Can someone on Team Laser Explosion please use the participation bonus points to buy a drat dagger or something.
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Dec 7, 2015 11:17
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Maugrim posted:Can someone on Team Laser Explosion please use the participation bonus points to buy a drat dagger or something. "Weapons are for cowards" I say, ignoring my 1-kill count over 5 rounds
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Dec 7, 2015 11:54
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Urist with his zero kill count agrees. Heck he was practically MVP in the last round~ 
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Dec 7, 2015 15:08
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Pittsburgh Lambic posted:We'll just have to see how he fares against the FARTSTORM when the two meet. I'll say it again, skillful leather-clad hammer elves are terrifying. Unless we leg you. I hope we leg you. Dance out there ahead of your team and eat iron.
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Dec 7, 2015 19:28
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 Round 5, Fight 3 Worse Munki is on the left side of the arena. Experiment Twenty-Two (fallingdownjoe) is a female tigerman. She wields a copper long sword and a copper shield and wears a copper helm, an iron mail shirt, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots. Strangler Than Fiction (Tunicate) is a female strangler. She is empty handed and wears an iron helm, leather armor, a platinum mail shirt, a copper mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and copper low boots. SRIRACHA FARTSTORM RETURNS (Pittsburgh Lambic) is a male elf. He wields a silver war hammer and wears leather leggings and leather high boots. Chaz Steadyfist (Segway Rave) is a male werewolf. He wields an iron halberd and a wooden shield and wears a silver helm, leather armor, leather leggings, and leather gauntlets. Subterranean Animists is on the right side of the arena. Braun Strowman (Frozen_Flame) is a female soldier ant woman. She wields a copper short sword, a copper short sword, and a copper short sword and wears an iron helm, a copper mail shirt, iron leggings, and iron gauntlets. Baldwin (captaindirtnap) is a male dwarf. He wields an iron spear and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm, an iron mail shirt, and iron gauntlets. Qwarf (C7ty1) is a male dwarf. He wields an iron spear and a wooden shield and wears an iron helm, an iron breast plate, iron greaves, and iron gauntlets. Dusseldwarf (decoy badger) is a female dwarf. She wields an iron spear and a wooden shield and wears iron gauntlets and iron low boots.  Subterranean Animists is a 1.48 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 9564.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 6467.00 dwarfbucks for Worse Munki.  The team that is totally all dwarves march in a straight line, Worse Munki charges haphazardly.  This picture is very wrong. That's not Baldwins hand up top, it's Qwarfs. Dusseldorfs hand is flying on the bottom. Strangler than Fiction makes the first decisive blow by biting Qwarf on the arm. Qwarfs gauntlet protects him from damage from the teeth, but Chaz Steadyfist swings and takes off Qwarfs hand. Another swing moments later takes off his forearm at the elbow. Fartstorm slams a war hammer into Dusseldorf's leg and the moment the dwarf turns to engage the elf, Chaz Steadyfist swings from the side and takes off his hand. Two iron spears clatter to the floor leaving the two dwarves with no weapons. Baldwin is tearing it up wherever he is. He sends Strangler to the floor with a shattered leg. I'm glad at least one of the dwarves is doing well because the Subterranean Animists is really taking it in the rear end right now.  The image is wrong. That's not Qwarf dying. It's Dusseldorf Chaz Steadyfist takes the head off of Dusseldorf with a single swipe. Baldwin continues on his streak of "all my team is down so just swing at anything standing" and his spear shatters Chaz Steadyfists kneecap and leg in rapid succession. Chaz can't take the pain and passes out. Dusseldorf is nearly avenged!  Strangler than Fiction bites the downed  Holy poo poo I got a picture correct! Too many loving dwarves. The 3 remaining fighters team up on Baldwin. Fartstorm, Experiment, and Strangler all take shots at the lone standing dwarf. Experiment 22 finally gets through his defenses and takes his foot, sending him to the floor. Before he even hits the floor his other foot goes flying to the tigerwomans sword. Qwarf tries to help from the floor, but there isn't much to be done at this point.  I don't like how this works, but Baldwin bleeds to death. The kill goes to Fartstorm in the reports, but everyone else chopped off limbs which led to the bleeding to death.  Qwarf dies in the exact same manner. Fartstorm gets the kill again somehow. Worse Munki win with a surprising (to me at least) 4-0 victory. Kills: Sriracha Fartstorm: 2 Strangler than Fiction: 1 Chaz Steadyfist: 1 Combat Log Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 16:34 on Dec 8, 2015 |
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Dec 8, 2015 16:31
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Yes, I hosed up the pictures. I believe I corrected it all via text, but I dont know and dont care anymore.
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Dec 8, 2015 16:34
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Wooo I won one of my longshot bets!  Was getting worried that I was gonna be totally out of the betting by the end of this round! Also congrats to jon joe who made nearly 4000 dwarfbucks on the fight! For reference that's more dwarfbucks than the person in 6th place has altogether.
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Dec 8, 2015 17:27
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A first defeat and a whitewash at that for Subterranean Animists, with Worse Munki overtaking them in total kills. both Chaz Steadyfist and Sriracha Fartstorm Returns ascend to the highest tier of eight kills apiece, but no-one has as yet claimed their ninth despite numerous potentials in that last fight alone. The last fight of the round will see Hell's Dentists versus the Plump Helmets: In like Flynn needs two kills to emerge as the sole 9-for, whereas Dory would need to execute the whole opposing side by himself to claim top spot.
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Dec 8, 2015 17:27
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Despite not getting any kills, Experiment 22 managed to hack off 4 feet in that fight, with at least 3 of them coming after she'd been brought to the ground by a good stab. What a good tiger.
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Dec 8, 2015 18:05
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AJ_Impy posted:The last fight of the round will see Hell's Dentists versus the Plump Helmets: In like Flynn needs two kills to emerge as the sole 9-for, whereas Dory would need to execute the whole opposing side by himself to claim top spot. Well you heard the man, mydad. 
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Dec 8, 2015 18:14
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No, my dorfbucks!  What a completely unexpected rout.
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Dec 8, 2015 20:55
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Ramc posted:Well you heard the man, mydad. drat it. The man in this case made a fundamental error. Dory needs to kill everyone by herself. Sorry.
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Dec 8, 2015 21:00
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Boatmurdered is clearly the best Division. All hail.pre:pct Boatmurdered 2.4 Syrupleaf 2.35 Gemclod 1.75 Bronzestabbed 1.6 kill diff Boatmurdered 14 Syrupleaf 10 Gemclod -10 Bronzestabbed -14 Dirty Frank fucked around with this message at 21:50 on Dec 8, 2015 |
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Dec 8, 2015 21:40
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Dirty Frank posted:Boatmurdered is clearly the best Division. All hail. Other important stats: pre:dicks chopped off Boatmurdered 1 Syrupleaf 0 Gemclod 0 Bronzestabbed 0
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Dec 8, 2015 22:16
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LorrdErnie posted:Other important stats: Thanks LorrdErnie, how could I forget the all important gelding stat. Seriously, Boatmurdered is the best.
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Dec 8, 2015 22:25
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I look forward to the post-tournament fight where every division fights their naming LP's ancestral enemy.
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Dec 8, 2015 22:34
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Dirty Frank posted:Boatmurdered is clearly the best Division. All hail. Hey now, there is one more Gemclod vs Syrupleaf fight this round!
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Dec 8, 2015 23:31
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Ramc posted:Hey now, there is one more Gemclod vs Syrupleaf fight this round! Sadly, it's one which I expect us to lose.
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Dec 8, 2015 23:33
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Braun is disappointed and upset by the events that happened. She will return stronger and better with
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Dec 9, 2015 00:43
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Round 5, Fight 5 Hell's Dentists is on the left side of the arena. Madmartigan (gbuchold) is a male molemarian. He wields an iron pick and a wooden shield and wears no armor. The Abominable Gladiator (Pickled Tink) is a female yeti. She is empty handed and wears a copper mail shirt, a copper mail shirt, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots. In Like Flynn (grobbendonk) is a male dwarf. He wields an iron pick and a wooden shield and wears a copper helm, an iron mail shirt, a copper breast plate, copper greaves, copper gauntlets, and copper high boots. Krog Bonesmasha (astus) is a male elf. He wields a copper war hammer and wears an iron helm, leather armor, iron greaves, iron gauntlets, and iron high boots. The Plump Helmets is on the right side of the arena. Dory (my dad) is a female minotaur. She wields a copper spear and wears a bronze cap, a bronze mail shirt, bronze gauntlets, and bronze high boots. James LargeSausage (Afriscipio) is a male human. He wields an iron halberd and wears a copper cap, an iron mail shirt, iron leggings, iron gauntlets, and leather low boots. Josie the Bludgeonatrix (Ramc) is a female elf. She wields a copper mace and a wooden shield and wears leather armor, leather gauntlets, and leather high boots. Return of Panty Thief (Mr. Vile) is a male yeti. He is empty handed and wears a bronze helm, a bronze breast plate, bronze greaves, bronze gauntlets, and bronze low boots. Hell's Dentists is a 1.00 to 1 betting favorite in this match with 5087.00 dwarfbucks in total bets placed on them, compared to 5086.00 dwarfbucks for The Plump Helmets. You couldn't get a more even betting match without it being exactly equal. Both teams have a yeti as an anchor, too, and an elf as a breaker. We'll see how they fare against each other.  Josie is the fastest runner, but Panty Thief is the slowest. Both of these fighters have been real crowd-pleasers in previous fights, but will either get a chance to show off, or will Dentistry run rampant over them? James draws first blood, chopping off Madmartigan's tail. The elves meet. Krog shatters Josie's arm. Her shield drops. Flynn chops off her booted foot. This elf is not doing so well. Let's check on the other one. Oh, look, Krog has bitten Panty Thief in the eye. and is staying there. James hits Madmartigan again. That's a broken bone. Josie isn't out, mind. She trades body blows with Abominable, both of them suffering some damage from it. Panty Thief snatches at Krog's teeth. I mean, I guess there's people who aren't elves and yetis, but let's focus on what's important.  The fight is terribly compressed. Not a lot of visuals I can offer here. Anyway, Madmartigan drops his pick when his weapon hand becomes detached, courtesy Dory. Dammit, Dentists, I can't afford for you to go down here. Madmartigan bites Dory in the eye again. I guess eyes are a delicacy. James removes more of the same arm. Abominable bites, too. Delicious Josie-flavor elf thighmeat. James lashes out again. That halberd is scary. Madmartigan's spine is severed. Josie's leg shreds, blood spraying everywhere. Also for some reason people keep trying to hit Panty Thief in the head, but that bronze helmet has negated three shots so far.  Madmartigan is still suffering (under James there). Halberd strikes rain down on him. Dory contributes a bit, tossing in a bit of rib breaking. Flynn shakes up his attack on Panty Thief by trying a neck shot. Bronze breastplate still protects him. That's what armor does for a big guy. Abominable is still throwing Josie around. The elf is still trying to resist. Panty Thief is doing... less well against Krog. Panty Thief has had his skull and neck broken by the elf's hammer. His foes are adapting to that bronze armor. Finally, James slices Madmartigan and the mole is slain outright. That's the first kill. Oh, and Panty Thief has passed out. It's anyone's game. But now Josie is bruising Abominable's spine.  Josie decides it's time for a little more elven pain venom. She bites Abominable in the neck. In response, Abominable mulches her foot, then neck muscles bulge out and elf teeth slip away. What did you expect? Mind you, it's not just Josie here. Dory is pitching in, and her spear is too much. Abominable is also unconscious from pain. Five active fighters remain. People beat up on the broken yetis for a while. It's the sort of thing everyone can get in on. Panty Thief dies first; Krog crushes the giant skull. Mere moments later, Dory splits Abominable's head.  That's the cripples dealt with. The fighters size each other up again. James severs Krog's spine. He yanks his halberd out, spins it around, and decapitates the elf. That leaves only Flynn to fight the Plump Helmets. Of course, he's fresh, while Josie is an utter mess. And, uh, I guess Dory has some bruising. So he's really only got a two-to-one fight.  Wait, what? I thought that had been removed. So Flynn is in a martial trance. He tears out Dory's guts.  Krog's head is still rolling along the floor. Dory finds herself in posssession of a skull fracture. She gives in to pain. Flynn breaks James's spine. One pace from Flynn, Josie bleeds to death, posthumous revenge from Abominable. Moments later, Flynn puts his pick through Dory's skull. That's three dead on each side, but the martial trance isn't abating. Flynn dances away from every attack James can make. He hits James in the lip, and the human is out, too. His head comes off. Final Score Hell's Dentists: 4 The Plump Helmets: 3 Kills In Like Flynn: 2 Krog Bonesmasha: 1 The Abominable Gladiator: 1 James LargeSausage: 2 Dory: 1 Combat Log Congratulations to Coward for doubling his money.
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Dec 9, 2015 05:53
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MARTIAL TRANCE 
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Dec 9, 2015 05:58
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That's why you would pick a dwarf, i thought?
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Dec 9, 2015 06:01
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Er... I thought martial trance was supposed to be removed? Oh well, c'est la vie.
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Dec 9, 2015 06:03
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Look at you and your martial trance. Should've picked a dwarf robot. Not like Apeliminator can do that. Ultimate combat machine, pfeh.
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Dec 9, 2015 06:08
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 I was real worried there for a second!Though I only made just short of 4000 dorfbux this round, breaking 20k. It's okay, I guess. On the plus side, I have proven myself fail-able and wealth has been redistributed slightly better; 30 people now have at least 1k each, and only 7 of those are filthy non-bettor. With this I should gain more money in future rounds. All according to plan.
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Dec 9, 2015 06:24
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ZeeToo posted:Congratulations to Coward for doubling his money. Woohoo! Taking the risk paid off!
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Dec 9, 2015 06:51
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Hooray! I killed someone. I really killed someone 
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Dec 9, 2015 09:01
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James' best performance, cut short by a stinking dwarf hopped up on mushrooms. There ain't no justice!
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Dec 9, 2015 09:41
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In like Flynn has done it! After five rounds, we have a new leader on the kill tally, that martial trance taking him right to the top of the standings. The leaderboard after 5 rounds: 9 kills: In like Flynn (Hell's Dentists, Gemclod) As many kills as Team 13: Heavyweight Horrorshow. 8 kills: Stumpy (2 Chicks with Dicks, Boatmurdered), Chaz Steadyfist, Sriracha Fartstorm Returns (both Worse Munki, Boatmurdered), Albrik the Insignificant (Worker Cooperative, Syrupleaf) As many kills as This Bites. 7 kills: Three Gremlins in a Blender (Spooky Scary Skeletons, Gemclod), Turquoise Tonic (Team Laser Explosion, Syrupleaf) 6 kills: Knife Toseeu (This Bites, Boatmurdered) Richard Kyanka (2 Chicks with Dicks, Boatmurdered), Dory (The Plump Helmets, Syrupleaf), Dusseldwarf (Subterranean Animists, Bronzestabbed) 3 Wolf Moon Shirt (Go Big and/or Go Home, Bronzestabbed) As many kills as Cool Rad Awesome Pals or A Tarantino Film. 5 kills: Candy Corn Tiger (Spooky Scary Skeletons, Gemclod), Antwoman (the Petting Zoo, Gemclod) James LargeSausage (The Plump Helmets, Syrupleaf) Jameson the Unruly (Worker Cooperative, Syrupleaf) Qwarf (Subterranean Animists, Bronzestabbed) 4 kills: Eight Gladiators. 3 kills: Three Gladiators. 2 kills: Nine Gladiators As many kills as Lightly Whipped or a Furry, Farmer and 2 Cows. 1 kill: Sixteen Gladiators The unblooded: 11 disgraces to their profession.
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Dec 9, 2015 10:31
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AJ_Impy posted:
Name them, call out their owners so we can all point and laugh.
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Dec 9, 2015 11:40
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I lost all my bets. nuts.
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Dec 9, 2015 11:59
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GreyPowerVan posted:That's why you would pick a dwarf, i thought? Yup, I made In like Flynn a dwarf specifically for that reason, thinking to armour him up to give it time to kick in, but this is all theoryfortessing because I do no testing at all
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Dec 9, 2015 12:33
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what's up, do no testing and get good results buddy
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Dec 9, 2015 13:18
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In the next iteration you might want to consider toning down martial trances. Even just +1 to all skills in combat would be huge, considering how the first 3 rounds shook out for home teams. I don't remember the trance skill bonus as-is but iirc it is pretty high, especially in the point-starved world of point buy skills.
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Dec 9, 2015 15:11
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grobbendonk posted:Yup, I made In like Flynn a dwarf specifically for that reason, thinking to armour him up to give it time to kick in, but this is all theoryfortessing because I do no testing at all I also picked a dwarf largely for the trance, because, I mean.........my team......... but look how well that worked out! Cut down the moment it engaged. 
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Dec 9, 2015 15:15
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That was the first interesting fight in quite some time. We've had wayy too many completely one sided massacres, the twist ending was good. Don't nerf martial trances, they're a rare treat. If you have to, just balance dwarves a bit more
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Dec 9, 2015 15:15
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my dad posted:Er... I thought martial trance was supposed to be removed? Oh well, c'est la vie. Jazzimus Prime posted:Dwarf
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Dec 9, 2015 15:32
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Spermy Smurf posted:Name them, call out their owners so we can all point and laugh. They don't deserve names yet. One belongs to the Petting Zoo, one besmirches the Spooky Scary Skeletons, one befouls Cool Rad Awesome Pals, one blights A Tarantino Film, two cripple a Furry, Farmer and two Cows, two execrate the name of This Bites and three render Lightly Whipped even more of the ultimate laughing stock. Until any of them kill someone, they are dead to me. (Except my teammate. They alone have merit amongst the unblooded.)
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Dec 10, 2015 01:14
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AJ_Impy posted:(Except my teammate. They alone have merit amongst the unblooded.) The Only Moral Unblooded Is My Unblooded.
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Dec 10, 2015 01:46
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