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Inspired by the anonymous confession thread and participation promised by Solice Kirsk and others I think it's time again to purge ourselves of the embarrassing times we've had a sure thing, right in front of our faces, and completely blew it. I have several of these stories but I'll start out with the most popular one. A New Hardcore Champion is Crowned It was the dusk of my college career. I had already put in 3 and a half years and was starting to knock out the required classes I needed for my major. In the shuffle of changing majors and stuff it was determined that a general music class was required for my latest and last major. The first day of this music class it was hard not to notice that I was one of 4 guys in a class with about 15 girls. All of them are freshmen. I go through a few weeks of class being non-descript. I pipe up with a smart rear end remark every now and again and make the whole class laugh, but I'm not a try hard like the other 3 guys. By and by I find myself at a bar one night and one of the better looking girls in the class is also in attendance. We bump into each other and she reacts like I'm her best pal. She's all, 'HEEEEYYYYY GUUUUY You're in my music class! WHOOOOOO' I confirm to her that it is indeed me, that one guy from music class. We trade simple banter back and forth for a while until she asks me if I want to dance. Ugh. I hate dancing. At this point in time I'm 6'4 and about 160lbs. I imagine when I go out and dance I look like one of those inflatable things you see at car lots. The prospect of getting all up in this girl is too much for me to deny her my terrible dancing so we go out to the dance floor. Right away she gets all up in my crawlspace, she's riding my thigh like a mechanical bull. My leg was getting to 2nd base with this girl before I even had her home. I had some friends there who were finding the display most amusing and they showed their appreciation by pointing and laughing at us from a distance of about 3 feet. I asked her if she wanted to get out there. Back at my place we start making out as soon as we get through the door. We are all over each other, it's intense. At one point she suddenly stops and says she has to use the bathroom. I show her where it is and she does her business or whatever and comes back out. Now, when she comes back out she does the coolest thing I've ever had happen to me. While walking toward me, she stone cold just takes her shirt and bra off all at once, throws them on the floor, and JUMPS on me, wrapping her legs around my waist and starts tongue punching my mouth again. This kind of told me that this girl was ready to rock and I was going to do my best to pour the meat to her like no other. I kick open the door to my room and stumble toward the bed. When I reach the foot of the bed, I kind of lift her up under her arm pits and push her down like so her back would lay smack down on the bed and I would fall on top of her. That was what I THOUGHT I was doing. Where I was actually standing was at the foot of my rather large, octagon shaped table next to my bed that I was using as a nightstand. I had a small stereo boom box on there, a lamp, my alarm clock, keys, snuts, garbage whatever and I just powerbombed this girl through the loving center of it. It was a small explosion man, poo poo went everywhere. The table was broken into several pieces and she was loving dazed. Between laughs I help her up and brush her off. After verifying that she's ok she suddenly remembers that she has a boyfriend and that she shouldn't be doing this. I didn't even try to argue because after that, I doubt the night could get any better. The next story involves another girl from that class. I go 0-2.
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Dec 8, 2015 23:04
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| # ? May 10, 2024 04:35 |
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The subconscious part of your brain that knew you were gay sabotaged things so as not to cause you to cry in the shower.
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Dec 8, 2015 23:06
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to much words
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Dec 8, 2015 23:07
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I'm fairly sure I wouldn't make such a basic bitch mistake like that, but tbh it wasn't really your fault OP. You gave it the best you could and that's more than most can say. But yeah man that hand eye coordination and night vision can be improved upon with some practice.
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Dec 8, 2015 23:10
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One time I forgot the name of the girl I was making out with. In my defense, I called her Brianna and her name was Brianne, so she was just being a pedantic bitch.
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Dec 8, 2015 23:17
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i read all of that ( i said in an extreemly sarcastic tone of voice)
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Dec 8, 2015 23:19
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nice reddit copy paste op
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Dec 8, 2015 23:22
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A misanthrope posted:to much words
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Dec 8, 2015 23:22
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ghostter posted:i read all of that ( i said in an extreemly sarcastic tone of voice)
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Dec 8, 2015 23:25
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Cmon give it a chance you zero attention span having sperglord assholes
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Dec 8, 2015 23:31
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that time when I was born a white dude in America
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Dec 8, 2015 23:32
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One time I was dating this girl I met on OKCupid and we went out to see a movie and we were cuddling and smooching and doing the good stuff. after the movie I walk her to her car and she just opens up the backseat and pulls me in and we start going at it. I start to take her pants off and she stops me and tells me not tonight, because she was raped last week. So I uncomfortably made out with her for like 2 hours and then went home and jerked off. Then a few days later she texted me the lyrics to a high-school musical song to break up with me. Does that count for this thread OP?
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Dec 8, 2015 23:47
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Rurea posted:One time I was dating this girl I met on OKCupid and we went out to see a movie and we were cuddling and smooching and doing the good stuff. after the movie I walk her to her car and she just opens up the backseat and pulls me in and we start going at it. I start to take her pants off and she stops me and tells me not tonight, because she was raped last week. So I uncomfortably made out with her for like 2 hours and then went home and jerked off. Then a few days later she texted me the lyrics to a high-school musical song to break up with me. Very nice
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Dec 8, 2015 23:51
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The earliest one (of many) I can remember happening to me was after my freshman homecoming dance. I really felt like hot poo poo because not only was my cousin driving us around instead of my parents (score!), but I was dating a sophomore. Well, we had only been seeing each other for a few months, and at the time that meant that the most we had done was hand stuff, so I was not ready for her whispering into my ear in the backseat of my cousin's car that she brought a condom with her. I immediately blurted out, "but we haven't even been to third base yet!" Her face instantly went red, my cousin busts out laughing, and I immediately realize that sex was off the table. She asked to be taken home (didn't even wanna go to the group dinner we were on our way to) and she broke up with me the next day. Not only that, but I was too stupid to just keep the story to myself and her best friend broke up with my friend because I blabbed to him. I screwed up so bad it cost a third party sex. More to come! Solice Kirsk fucked around with this message at 23:55 on Dec 8, 2015 |
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Dec 8, 2015 23:53
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Rurea posted:One time I was dating this girl I met on OKCupid and we went out to see a movie and we were cuddling and smooching and doing the good stuff. after the movie I walk her to her car and she just opens up the backseat and pulls me in and we start going at it. I start to take her pants off and she stops me and tells me not tonight, because she was raped last week. So I uncomfortably made out with her for like 2 hours and then went home and jerked off. Then a few days later she texted me the lyrics to a high-school musical song to break up with me. she wanted you to rape her
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Dec 8, 2015 23:59
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I don't need to read all that poo poo to know goons are terrible at getting laid
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Dec 8, 2015 23:59
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Rape Stink posted:I don't need to read all that poo poo to know goons are terrible at getting laid This is a good username/post combo.
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Dec 9, 2015 00:01
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PureEvil6_13 posted:Cmon give it a chance you zero attention span having sperglord assholes Not gonna.
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Dec 9, 2015 00:09
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fart in her face
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Dec 9, 2015 00:11
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After a few awkward music classes I asked out one of the other girls in class. After making her dinner we were kicking it in the living room and i started giving her a back rub, which quickly evolved into massaging her fantastic tits. We start making out and she whispers to me, "Do you have any protection?" I said "aw yeah i do" and I get up searching for a rubber that I know I don't have. I have to tell her i don't have any and I offer to go buy some while she is in the bathroom. She comes out and tells me that she started her period and had to go. She never talked to me again.
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Dec 9, 2015 00:12
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Ok op. Here's my story. It was the dusk of my college career. I had already put in 3 and a half years and was starting to knock out the required classes I needed for my major. In the shuffle of changing majors and stuff it was determined that a general music class was required for my latest and last major. The first day of this music class it was hard not to notice that I was one of 4 guys in a class with about 15 girls. All of them are freshmen. I go through a few weeks of class being non-descript. I pipe up with a smart rear end remark every now and again and make the whole class laugh, but I'm not a try hard like the other 3 guys. By and by I find myself at a bar one night and one of the better looking girls in the class is also in attendance. We bump into each other and she reacts like I'm her best pal. She's all, 'HEEEEYYYYY GUUUUY You're in my music class! WHOOOOOO' I confirm to her that it is indeed me, that one guy from music class. We trade simple banter back and forth for a while until she asks me if I want to dance. Ugh. I hate dancing. At this point in time I'm 6'4 and about 160lbs. I imagine when I go out and dance I look like one of those inflatable things you see at car lots. The prospect of getting all up in this girl is too much for me to deny her my terrible dancing so we go out to the dance floor. Right away she gets all up in my crawlspace, she's riding my thigh like a mechanical bull. My leg was getting to 2nd base with this girl before I even had her home. I had some friends there who were finding the display most amusing and they showed their appreciation by pointing and laughing at us from a distance of about 3 feet. I asked her if she wanted to get out there. Back at my place we start making out as soon as we get through the door. We are all over each other, it's intense. At one point she suddenly stops and says she has to use the bathroom. I show her where it is and she does her business or whatever and comes back out. Now, when she comes back out she does the coolest thing I've ever had happen to me. While walking toward me, she stone cold just takes her shirt and bra off all at once, throws them on the floor, and JUMPS on me, wrapping her legs around my waist and starts tongue punching my mouth again. This kind of told me that this girl was ready to rock and I was going to do my best to pour the meat to her like no other. I kick open the door to my room and stumble toward the bed. When I reach the foot of the bed, I kind of lift her up under her arm pits and push her down like so her back would lay smack down on the bed and I would fall on top of her. That was what I THOUGHT I was doing. Where I was actually standing was at the foot of my rather large, octagon shaped table next to my bed that I was using as a nightstand. I had a small stereo boom box on there, a lamp, my alarm clock, keys, snuts, garbage whatever and I just powerbombed this girl through the loving center of it. It was a small explosion man, poo poo went everywhere. The table was broken into several pieces and she was loving dazed. Between laughs I help her up and brush her off. After verifying that she's ok she suddenly remembers that she has a boyfriend and that she shouldn't be doing this. I didn't even try to argue because after that, I doubt the night could get any better.
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Dec 9, 2015 00:14
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I won't post the whole story but to summarize I didn't even try to argue because after that, I doubt the night could get any better.
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Dec 9, 2015 00:21
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does being too drunk count
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Dec 9, 2015 00:21
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I was a solider in WW2 for the Soviet army, and my platoon and I were passing through a Polish village on the way to Berlin. The whole village is just rubble at this point. I see a little qt polish girl, must have been about 19, she's cowering behind a broken wall. Just as I'm about to point her out to my platoon, what happens? Ambushed by what was probably the last remaining German troops in Poland. Just my luck
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Dec 9, 2015 00:25
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Though I am in a committed relationship and have been for over 4 years, I still want to punch myself in the face every loving time I think of the following stories: Ok, so this one time in college I was kinda sweet on this girl I knew from a couple of my classes. Now, I'm certain that anyone reading this knows why I'm starting with a story from college rather than one from high school or even earlier (HINT: I was a repulsive, creepy nerd with sadbrains and pretty drat close to going the Jon Pop route), so I'll just say that I was really concentrating on being nonchalant and not caring too hard about it. Obviously this plan failed, but she was actually pretty into me before she really got to know how pathetic I was and stuck it out like a champ. The first inkling I got that sex was on the table was when she told me her sexual history during a casual conversation and capped it off with "I like to tell my sexual history to people I might have sex with." "Ok, she only said 'might' dude, don't press the issue but just admit that this is a definite positive sign and don't be a loving coward, for both our sakes!" said my penis. So, I continued to be a clingy nice guy pretending that I wasn't crushing like Windows 98 dual-wielding some shovels and kept an open mind. From then on, I had her alone in my room making doe eyes at me no less than 5 times, and each time I could have easily sealed the deal if I had made a move. We even took a walk one chilly night and stopped out next to a moonlit lake. She pulled my arms around her and nestled into my chest, which led to kissing back in my room. We fell asleep in each others arms. The next time she came over, she looked at me and said "Wanna have sex?" "Um...sure," was my response. So she waited for me to come over and when I didn't, she just walked out the door without a word. gently caress. gently caress a loving duck what stupid loon I was. Moron. *** I was working at K Mart doing overnight stock. We'd just had a crop of new hires come in, so I was not very surprised when I went on break one night and found pretty young woman I didn't know sitting in my usual booth. I was, however, extremely surprised when she looked up and smiled at me like I was the loving prom king or something. She quickly guessed that she had taken my seat and invited me to sit with her. What followed was the most effortless conversation with a girl I had ever been a part of up until that point. We sat together every night for about three months. Before long, I realized I really liked this woman and the time had come to make the usual choice: should I try and ask her out and risk rejection and humiliation (not to mention a friendship I enjoyed) or should I just admit I was a chubby nerdling playing out of my league and not own myself with some stupid romantic overture. In a strange twist of events, I didn't get the chance to decide. One night, the conversation turned to one of the managers and how he was obviously jealous that she and I were so buddy-buddy. He had kind of let it drop that he was interested. She turned him down. He didn't let it go. He wasn't really creepy about it per se, he was just kind of persistent. So, we're laughing about it and she says something along the lines of "What do I have to do? Maybe I should just gently caress him and get it over with. Maybe then he'll leave me alone." Then she locked her eyes on mine and wouldn't look away. DEAR VIRGOONS: WHEN A WOMAN SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THIS AND THEN WAITS FOR YOUR REACTION WITHOUT LOOKING AWAY OR BLINKING, IT IS BECAUSE KNOWING YOUR RESPONSE IS IMPORTANT TO HER YOU IDIOTS. In any case, I very vehemently voiced my displeasure, which was the correct response. For once. Several days later, she was complaining about her lack of ability to get laid and the general funk wafting through her life because of it. She'd been going on a six month dry spell and had gotten so desperate she was hanging out at the bowling alley with a pitcher of beer and a push-up bra. She said something along the lines of "You know, if I just had some sex I think my life would improve a lot." DEAR VIRGOONS: WHEN A WOMAN SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THIS AND YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO WOMEN, IF YOU SAY OR DO ANYTHING THAT DOES NOT RESULT IN GETTING LAID YOU SHOULD PROBABLY JUST CUT YOUR DICK/VAGINA OFF AND BURY IT UNDER THE LILACS NEXT TO THE OTHER FAMILY PETS. So of course I said "I hope that your search goes well." I will remember those words until the day I die, I think. She rolled her eyes and said "You too." We weren't really friends after that. Radical and BADical! fucked around with this message at 00:52 on Dec 9, 2015 |
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Dec 9, 2015 00:48
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Roy posted:I was a solider in WW2 for the Soviet army, and my platoon and I were passing through a Polish village on the way to Berlin. The whole village is just rubble at this point. I see a little qt polish girl, must have been about 19, she's cowering behind a broken wall. Just as I'm about to point her out to my platoon, what happens? Ambushed by what was probably the last remaining German troops in Poland. Just my luck drat that sucks bro
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Dec 9, 2015 00:56
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one time i was passed out at a party and this chick got completely naked and crawled on top of me. i was dating someone tho and she was at the party so i ran outside and smoke 6 cigatettes
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Dec 9, 2015 00:56
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this is a good thread
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Dec 9, 2015 01:05
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i was about to get laid and then accidentally hit the girl with a steel folding chair, then powerbombed her through a plate glass window. how embarassing!
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Dec 9, 2015 01:10
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One time I could have gotten laid but I messed it up in a funny way.
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Dec 9, 2015 01:15
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There was once a cute girl I worked with in college and I kind of thought she had a thing for me, but nothing ever happened - she also lived next door to me. So one weekend everyone is drinking and it's like 2 AM and I go back to my room but I didn't have my key. So I'm pounding on the door and yelling at my roommate, and she comes out from next door and asks if I need to sleep in her apartment for the night. I politely declined, but she was trying to insist, but in the end, I said no and made up some reason. The real reason that I wanted in my room so badly was so I could smoke some of the goddamn weed I had in there. And no, she didn't smoke so I didn't want to tell her the real reason or ask her to join me when I finally got in. I basically chose weed over a girl who very clearly wanted to have sex with me.
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Dec 9, 2015 01:15
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Dec 9, 2015 01:22
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This definitely doesn't top the powerbomb, but my worst was probably back in high school. A friend and I went on a double date at the local mall, where we found they had some of the primitive 90's VR arcade units setup, so we just had to try out the hang glider one. I'm laying there facedown in this setup, when I feel someone straddling my legs. I assume it's my friend trying to mess with me so go for a crotch kick, only to find out the hard way that it was actually my date. There wasn't a second date.
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Dec 9, 2015 02:01
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I've never had this happen, but i want to read about it.
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Dec 9, 2015 02:04
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Not quite a sure thing, but here's another embarrassing story for you guys. When I was 17 I was working at a Jewel (grocery store) in the bakery. It was just after everyone else had left and I was in the middle of setting up everything for the night crew to bake. Then this total smoke show knockout comes walking up to me and asks if I can take a cake order. Now I mean this was probably the prettiest woman I have ever seen so I decide that I'm gonna play it super loving cool and try to flirt with her. This comedy of errors is what came of me trying to be "smooth." I walked over to the cake area to take her order and decided to do a little flourish when I pulled my pen out of my pocket. I tried to twirl it between my fingers like I normally do, but wound up dropping it to the floor. I was horrified, here I was trying to look smooth and I just dropped my pen! I immediately bent down as quickly as I could to pick it up hoping to salvage the situation...and wound up slamming my head on the metal decorating table. And I mean slammed it hard. Made a clangy thud and everything. I got dazed, took a step back, and reached out to balance myself on something. That something turned out to be a cart full of french bread that was not at all ready to support my unbalanced falling weight. I grabbed the handle and immediately it tipped backwards onto me. I went crashing to the floor, followed by about 10 loaves of bread, then the cart. The girl, having stood there watching this entire event unfold leaned over and asked if I was OK. Granted at that point nothing I could have said would have saved me face....but saying, "Yeah, I do this all the time," is one of the few things I could have said at that moment that cost me even more. I did take her order, but there was really no coming back from that. The end!....of that one. I've got plenty more though.....
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Dec 9, 2015 02:30
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one time I did humps on a sex woman the end
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Dec 9, 2015 02:39
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naem posted:one time I did humps on a sex woman the end i doubt it bub 
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Dec 9, 2015 02:41
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naem posted:one time I did humps on a sex woman the end Just like doobie, Another unsatisfied customer.
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Dec 9, 2015 02:42
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naem posted:one time I did humps on a sex woman the end you're a sex woman
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Dec 9, 2015 02:52
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| # ? May 10, 2024 04:35 |
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This one time at a movie this hot girl had my wiener in her mouth and I was like, "yawwwwn" and put my arm around her shoulder like it was an accidental smooth move. She went, "garrpl?" so I took my arm off really fast. Then she left and I watched the rest of the movie alone. I thought about it later and realized I could've scored probably. The movie was Payback with Mel Gibson.
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Dec 9, 2015 03:06
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