shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

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Lowly: Aug 13, 2009

Skeesix posted:

http://theconsentcrew.org/2015/12/12/youre-hurting-her-a-story-of-consent-in-the-santa-line/

And that's because Santa Claus... was actually a Marine.

Chatting about consent ... a thing that 7-year-olds do

# ? Dec 13, 2015 18:41

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# ? May 27, 2024 21:16

Zamboni Rodeo: Jul 19, 2007; NEVER play "Lady of Spain" AGAIN!

Skeesix posted:

http://theconsentcrew.org/2015/12/12/youre-hurting-her-a-story-of-consent-in-the-santa-line/

And that's because Santa Claus... was actually a Marine.

And the hero-child's name is "Sage."

There is no eyeroll big enough.

# ? Dec 13, 2015 19:27

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Knows about consent but doesn't know Santa isn't real. Right. Of course.

# ? Dec 13, 2015 22:08

oldpainless: Oct 30, 2009; This 📆 post brought to you by RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS👥.
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i like how the first words the kid says to her are a judgement on her physical beauty. Like if she was ugly he wouldn't be talking to her. This kids an rear end in a top hat.

# ? Dec 13, 2015 22:11

Mr. Belpit: Nov 11, 2008

Why call the kid "OB" while also revealing his name is "Scotty"?

# ? Dec 13, 2015 23:22

Marius Pontmercy: Apr 2, 2007; Liberte
Egalite
Beyonce

Mr. Belpit posted:

Why call the kid "OB" while also revealing his name is "Scotty"?

Because he'll be an obstetrician one day because of this interaction.

# ? Dec 13, 2015 23:31

Postal Parcel: Aug 2, 2013

Skeesix posted:

http://theconsentcrew.org/2015/12/12/youre-hurting-her-a-story-of-consent-in-the-santa-line/

And that's because Santa Claus... was actually a Marine.

-2 points for the mom not fainting at hearing another boy call her son pretty.

Mr. Belpit posted:

Why call the kid "OB" while also revealing his name is "Scotty"?

Obnoxious Bastard, I guess

# ? Dec 14, 2015 00:39

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

oldpainless posted:

i like how the first words the kid says to her are a judgement on her physical beauty. Like if she was ugly he wouldn't be talking to her. This kids an rear end in a top hat.

"I only saved you so you would consent to letting me touch your peepee behind Santa's throne..."

# ? Dec 14, 2015 00:50

CROWS EVERYWHERE: Dec 17, 2012; CAW CAW CAW; Dinosaur Gum

Samizdata posted:

"I only saved you so you would consent to letting me touch your peepee behind Santa's throne..."

A Nice Guy origin story.

# ? Dec 14, 2015 02:44

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

A Nice Guy origin story.

But one who truly understands what consent is all about.

# ? Dec 14, 2015 04:52

CROWS EVERYWHERE: Dec 17, 2012; CAW CAW CAW; Dinosaur Gum

From the illustrious front page of Imgur, hotbed of stdh.txt:

This one's got to be a parody of the other Satanic nosebleed one, right?

Absolutely happened

And a whole gallery of poo poo that didn't happen at school.txt

CROWS EVERYWHERE has a new favorite as of 05:36 on Dec 14, 2015

# ? Dec 14, 2015 04:53

Fathis Munk: Feb 23, 2013; ??? ?

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

Absolutely happened

Wanna meet that weirdly bro-y grandma.

# ? Dec 14, 2015 09:36

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Grandma grabbed her Capri-Sun and skateboarded out of the room

# ? Dec 14, 2015 12:48

DoctorWhat: Nov 18, 2011; A little privacy, please?

Grandma drinks her yogurt from a TUBE! :krad:

# ? Dec 14, 2015 14:23

canyoneer: Sep 13, 2005; I only have canyoneyes for you

DoctorWhat posted:

Grandma drinks her yogurt from a TUBE!

Grandma eats everything from a tube

# ? Dec 14, 2015 17:04

Thump!: Nov 25, 2007; Look, fat, here's the fact, Kulak!

canyoneer posted:

Grandma eats everything from a tube

Does that mean she's an astronaut!? :buddy:

# ? Dec 14, 2015 17:13

SEX BURRITO: Jun 30, 2007; Not much fun

From the comments on an article about how the Star Wars prequels weren't THAT bad.

Guy was so owned he didn't even respond.

# ? Dec 14, 2015 17:46

Hoover Dam: Jun 17, 2003; red white and blue forever

Thump! posted:

Does that mean she's an astronaut!?

Well she'll be leaving this world soon enough so sure

# ? Dec 14, 2015 18:04

Zaphod42: Sep 13, 2012; If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.

netally posted:

From the comments on an article about how the Star Wars prequels weren't THAT bad.

Guy was so owned he didn't even respond.

The next tweet was "Everybody clapped and then broke out into impromptu lightsaber battles right there in the store!"

# ? Dec 14, 2015 18:57

Ratjaculation: Aug 3, 2007

netally posted:

From the comments on an article about how the Star Wars prequels weren't THAT bad.

Guy was so owned he didn't even respond.

Wait I thought Jarjar was the father?

# ? Dec 14, 2015 19:00

Pththya-lyi: Nov 8, 2009; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

netally posted:

From the comments on an article about how the Star Wars prequels weren't THAT bad.

"Um, yeah. That movie basically said that Darth Vader is like Jesus. You better believe I didn't like that! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get some feminine products to donate to the women's shelter. Goodbye, and God bless you!"

# ? Dec 14, 2015 20:58

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

Pththya-lyi posted:

"Um, yeah. That movie basically said that Darth Vader is like Jesus. You better believe I didn't like that! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get some feminine products to donate to the women's shelter. Goodbye, and God bless you!"

You forgot to add 'this is not what I fought for in the war (as a marine)'.

# ? Dec 14, 2015 22:04

Pththya-lyi: Nov 8, 2009; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

Paladinus posted:

You forgot to add 'this is not what I fought for in the war (as a marine)'.

That's good, but now that I think about it I think it should have ended with "Then he told me about how Jesus died to save us from Hell, so I got down on my knees and said the Sinner's Prayer right there and then. Next week is our 5-year anniversary!"

# ? Dec 14, 2015 22:22

that one guy: Jun 3, 2005

Such wisdom:

quote:

The last wish
A death row inmate awaiting execution, asked as a last wish a pencil and paper. After writing for several minutes, the convict called the prison guard and asked that this letter be handed over to his biological mother.
The letter said ...
Mother, if there were more justice in this world, we would be both executed and not just me. You're as guilty as I am for the life I led.
Remind yourself when I stole and bring home the bicycle of a boy like me?
You helped me to hide the bicycle for my father did not see it. Do you remember the time I stole money from the neighbor's wallet?
You went with me to the mall to spend it.
Do you remember when I argued with my father and he's gone?
He just wanted to correct me because I stole the final result of the competition and for that I had been expelled.
Mom, I was just a child, shortly after I became a troubled teenager and now I'm a pretty malformed man.
Mom, I was just a child in need of correction, and not an approval. But I forgive you!
I just want this letter to reach the greatest number of parents in the world, so they can know what makes all people, good or bad ...is education.
Thank you mother for giving me life and also helping me to lose it.
Your child offender.
REFLECTION:
"He who spares the rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him promptly "(Proverbs 13: 24).
"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world. " (Nelson Mandela)

# ? Dec 15, 2015 00:49

Aleph Null: Jun 10, 2008; You look very stressed; Tortured By Flan

that one guy posted:

Such wisdom:

Is a modern parable, not intended to be read as a true story.

# ? Dec 15, 2015 01:08

that one guy: Jun 3, 2005

Aleph Null posted:

Is a modern parable, not intended to be read as a true story.

You could say the same about half the crap in this thread?

# ? Dec 15, 2015 01:11

Postal Parcel: Aug 2, 2013

that one guy posted:

Such wisdom:

So when it's a criminal, the "and that man was" changes to Nelson Mandela. Thanks for the racism :mad:

# ? Dec 15, 2015 01:20

Zipperelli.: Apr 3, 2011; Nap Ghost

that one guy posted:

You could say the same about half the crap in this thread?

No.

Most of the poo poo in this thread was said in earnest, and was attempted to be passed off as "totally real you guyzzz"

# ? Dec 15, 2015 02:24

that one guy: Jun 3, 2005

EZipperelli posted:

No.

Most of the poo poo in this thread was said in earnest, and was attempted to be passed off as "totally real you guyzzz"

Okay 30%? What's your point? And this one still frames itself as a story that happened. But they can't pull the wool over your eyes!

# ? Dec 15, 2015 02:48

EmmyOk: Aug 11, 2013

that one guy posted:

Okay 30%? What's your point? And this one still frames itself as a story that happened. But they can't pull the wool over your eyes!

A valiant attempt to be the most retarded person in this thread.

# ? Dec 15, 2015 03:11

Jay Rust: Sep 27, 2011

I think the phrase "Needless to say" should be banned from English

# ? Dec 15, 2015 03:17

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

that one guy posted:

Okay 30%? What's your point? And this one still frames itself as a story that happened. But they can't pull the wool over your eyes!

When outed as wrong, you don't need to dig in your heels and let every know you're really wrong

# ? Dec 15, 2015 03:20

goose willis: Jun 14, 2015; Get ready for teh wacky laughz0r!

# ? Dec 15, 2015 03:22

hyperhazard: Dec 4, 2011; I am the one lascivious
With magic potion niveous

EmmyOk posted:

A valiant attempt to be the most retarded person in this thread.

I hesitate to ask, but what the hell is a WR?

Also, the fact that "cubing" is a thing that exists... :suicide:

# ? Dec 15, 2015 03:29

Vulpes: Nov 13, 2002; Well, shit.

hyperhazard posted:

I hesitate to ask, but what the hell is a WR?

Also, the fact that "cubing" is a thing that exists...

World record... you really haven't heard that before?

# ? Dec 15, 2015 03:30

EmmyOk: Aug 11, 2013

Look not everyone can be an all-pro cuber or be familiar with the scene

# ? Dec 15, 2015 03:31

Electrical Fire: Mar 29, 2010

EmmyOk posted:

Look not everyone can be an all-pro cuber or be familiar with the scene

Have you heard of the Olympics? They use it there too.

# ? Dec 15, 2015 03:33

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Bitches love that poo poo :c00lbert:

# ? Dec 15, 2015 04:10

snergle: Aug 3, 2013; A kind little mouse!

EmmyOk posted:

Look not everyone can be an all-pro cuber or be familiar with the scene

speed running taught me what wr means. thanks agdq/sgdq now i feel weird

# ? Dec 15, 2015 04:18

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# ? May 27, 2024 21:16

CROWS EVERYWHERE: Dec 17, 2012; CAW CAW CAW; Dinosaur Gum

Cubers are awkward even for nerds. There was one in the first year of my Maths course who wore xkcd shirts and brought his various cubes to every loving lecture with him and kept trying to impress all the women in the room with his amazing cubing skills. Like, this is a Maths degree at uni, we have a wide selection of nerd guys to choose from here. Being a cuber isn't going to impress anyone.

# ? Dec 15, 2015 04:26

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

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