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Just a small update cause I'm tired as all hell. Dad the dad is homeless again - the restaurant where he used to work folded and the owner couldn't pay the back salaries which he owes to Dad. Dad didn't have any money to pay his rent so he was promptly kicked out - now he's couch surfing at his friend's place and looking for a new job. To add an insult to an injury, he still has to pay child support despite being in a dire situation himself.redreader posted:Yeah this is probably my favourite post and poster on the forums. You do a great job, ASF. Seriously, have you thought about writing a book? I don't like the book idea really - but some posters in this thread have said that they'd paypal me a few coins to keep the gravy train going. If the mods think it's kosher, I might open some sort of a paypal "tip jar."
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Dec 23, 2015 00:15
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GAY 4 ORGANS 
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What, like a camgirl? Are you going to camgirl for us?
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Dec 23, 2015 10:08
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Is there a patreon.com for opiates?
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Dec 23, 2015 10:18
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Does anyone in Croatia actually have any money? The entire country seems to run on debt.
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Dec 23, 2015 18:26
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I mean I don't really mind. At least here people know what their money is going to. (It's drugs, you guys.)
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Dec 23, 2015 18:30
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DM is croatian? The plot thickens.
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Dec 23, 2015 18:32
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In before OP turns into powerful drug lord thanks to SA.
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Dec 23, 2015 19:23
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NotAnArtist posted:DM is croatian? The plot thickens. Haha oh no I was just referring to ASF's PayPal thing but provided no context because I'm pretty much the worst mod/communicator.
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Dec 23, 2015 19:26
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I would donate $10 to ASFs bread loaves and drug habits before i would donate it to just about anything else.
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Dec 23, 2015 19:33
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Giving the huge drug addict a sudden influx of goonbux seems like a quick way to end this thread
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Dec 23, 2015 19:35
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i like nice words
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I'll donate a $20 loaf giftcard.
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Dec 23, 2015 19:45
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Anne Whateley posted:Giving the huge drug addict a sudden influx of goonbux seems like a quick way to end this thread Considering the mischief he gets up to living on scavenging from the trash, I think you're right
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Dec 23, 2015 20:10
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How many zlotys is one of those two liters of terrible beer in a plastic pop bottle? I'd buy you one of those.
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Dec 25, 2015 20:56
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Can we mail all of our empty bottles to Croatia instead?
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Dec 26, 2015 18:38
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change my name posted:Can we mail all of our empty bottles to Croatia instead? indiehobo
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Dec 26, 2015 19:08
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Geniasis posted:What, like a camgirl? Are you going to camgirl for us? Well if you're just dying to see a fat guy jiggle on camera, Chris-chan has recently released a horrifying video of him and his floppy manboobs. My moobs are hairy tho, I'm pretty sure nobody has to see that. change my name posted:Does anyone in Croatia actually have any money? The entire country seems to run on debt. You are completely, absolutely correct. Our governments are pulling herculean efforts to hide the fact that we're borrowing money from the foreign banks just to pay for our daily bread and butter, and have been doing so for the past twenty years and more. The Croatian people are too dumb to see that the emperor is naked (and has been naked for a really long time now) and the foreign banks are too dumb to see that they're issuing textbook examples of bad loans. The unemployment is really high, paradoxically, many Croats refuse to work on the grounds that they are lazy. This morning I was waiting for the shopping mall to open and I struck up a conversation with an old fella who was waiting for someone to meet him. He told me that he has a poultry farm with 20,000 chickens near Bjelovar and that he consistently has trouble finding people willing to work on the farm. Not even the high salaries are enough to move these lazy asses, so paradoxically, despite the fact that around 21 percent of the workforce is unemployed, Croatia is forced to import foreign workers. I told the guy that I personally would be willing to work for him, but god dammit, I regret being a city boy. I don't mind doing gross stuff, but you won't find such jobs in the city and moving to the boonies just to get a job shoveling roadkill is ludicrous (even by my standards.) detectivemonkey posted:I mean I don't really mind. At least here people know what their money is going to. (It's drugs, you guys.) Booze. And cigs. And then more booze. As far as the drugs are concerned, I'm riding a few scripts now which means that I'm getting my stash for free. Captain Yossarian posted:Considering the mischief he gets up to living on scavenging from the trash, I think you're right I loving HATE the holidays. All the stores are closed, nobody buys soft drinks (ergo no empty bottles in the trash.) I went out five times today on a trash prowl, yet I didn't recover a SINGLE drat bottle. I got a few cigarettes though. Christmas is a bad time for the bums - I now have around fifteen US cents in my wallet. Millow posted:How many zlotys is one of those two liters of terrible beer in a plastic pop bottle? I'd buy you one of those. At the current exchange rate, a 2L bottle of nasty hobo beer runs up to $1.86. change my name posted:Can we mail all of our empty bottles to Croatia instead? Ehh I wish you could, but the "sellable" deposit bottles have to be manufactured over here (or the beverage importer pays 0.50KN per bottle imported which is then redeemed at the recycling yard.) dex_sda posted:indiehobo The beer crowdfunding idea was mostly a joke, but neither indiegogo nor gofundme care to cater to third world countries such as Croatia. I suppose I could use Paypal which is something I've never done before, it's like some sort of sorcery to me.
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Dec 26, 2015 20:14
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ko-fi is a paypal hookup service that makes it really easy to toss people a few bucks i'd give you a couple bucks. this thread has been really entertaining to me and i learned more about croatia than i never realized i wanted to know
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Dec 27, 2015 00:04
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From what I understand, the European bottle money system is that you are paying a deposit on the bottle when you buy beer etc, and by returning bottles to those machines, you're just getting that money back. So only certain bottles will be accepted (ie, ones with deposits on them). This is why it is considered polite to just leave your empty bottles on the street curb or on top of trashcans. I was thinking a while back about sending money your way in exchange for one of those Croatian mangas. I like languages and helping people, so I figured I might throw you 25€ + manga cost + shipping cost if you spend it on food or electricity or Steam games or something not drugs - If that sounds like a good trade to you. In particular, do they have One Piece volume 1? (I have that in a bunch of languages already.)
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Dec 27, 2015 02:12
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Lol but really guys, he's gonna buy drugs if you send him money.
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Dec 27, 2015 02:14
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change my name posted:Lol but really guys, he's gonna buy drugs if you send him money. At least then it'll convert into great posts. I like to think of this thread as a redemption story. A story of rags to slightly cleaner rags to riches back to rags.
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Dec 27, 2015 02:19
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change my name posted:Lol but really guys, he's gonna buy drugs if you send him money. Yeah, we know?
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Dec 27, 2015 02:37
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change my name posted:Lol but really guys, he's gonna buy drugs if you send him money. he abuses xanax and trams. Its nothin. Do they do heroin in Croatia?
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Dec 27, 2015 04:08
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I'm going to send ASF some delerients and disassociatives that might result in good posts. He's pretty much invincible anyway.
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Dec 27, 2015 16:41
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Nerds love to throw money at crazy poo poo. Take advangage op.
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Dec 27, 2015 16:54
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Maybe ASF could open a jesus-themed hot dog stand
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Dec 27, 2015 18:40
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Rap Music and Dope posted:Do they do heroin in Croatia? I'm pretty sure ASF got off of H at some point before he made this thread. I remember him posting about it in another thread.
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Dec 27, 2015 20:43
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Shadow0 posted:I was thinking a while back about sending money your way in exchange for one of those Croatian mangas. I like languages and helping people, so I figured I might throw you 25€ + manga cost + shipping cost if you spend it on food or electricity or Steam games or something not drugs - If that sounds like a good trade to you. In particular, do they have One Piece volume 1? (I have that in a bunch of languages already.) I checked the website of a bookstore chain that used to sell mangas, looks like manga didn't really catch on because they have very few titles listed and all of them are out of stock. The whole 'comics' scene in Croatia sort of died out during the Yugoslav wars. Sure you can still buy good comics like Asterix but comics in general don't sell very well. In contrast, during the Yugo times, there were collectible sticker albums based on Macross, and kids used to consume comics by the truckload. Italian comics were by far the most popular of them all. change my name posted:Lol but really guys, he's gonna buy drugs if you send him money. Dude. Hey dude. duuuuuuude. How many times do I have to say that I'm not buying any drugs anymore? I went pro and I'm getting 'em for free.  ...and that's the reason I was actually happy when I got cancer and had to have one of my balls cut off - I knew that this would've been a ticket for free opiates by the truckload! Millow posted:I'm pretty sure ASF got off of H at some point before he made this thread. I remember him posting about it in another thread. This. I kicked the really hard opiates (H/subs) during my chemo in late 2013. Now DIY detox from subs is something I wouldn't recommend to anyone, but it's definitely doable. I was DYING for around 20-25 days, getting something like 45 minutes of sleep every third day (maybe), every molecule in my body hurt like hell and akathisia wouldn't let me lay still - I had to move around despite being terribly exhausted from chemo and being sleep-deprived to boot. I was constantly shivering and sweating like a pig, and to add an insult to an injury, the apartment heating conked out while I was detoxing and this happened during a very cold January if I remember correctly, so naturally I even got bronchitis because it was cold in my apartment and I was constantly sweaty. All of this was "fun" to say the least, and I was constantly praying for death just to release me from this neverending stream of agony. I managed to pull through. And now, story time! Our warehouse was a veritable zoo of sorts - we had mice, rats, cats and bats. The rodents fed on spilled flour and coffee (mice in particular are CRAZY about coffee for some reason), cats would feed on mice and bats fed on flies - at any given time there was something rotting somewhere so naturally this surprise carrion would attract flies. Now, we were actually okay with out little herd of cats. They kept the rodents at bay and there were cute little kittens year round. I'd go to work in order to drink beer and play with the kittens. Now, a small side story before I continue. We used to stock a lot of sugar. I mean a LOT. At any given time there was at least 150 metric tons of this stuff in stock. With so much sugar around, the floor around the sugar pallets being coated in sugar was something you'd take for granted, especially as the reach truck operators tended to accidentally punch holes in large 100lb bags of sugar. We the janitors were in charge of shoveling that sugar and getting rid of the torn bags. Now, back to the kitties. The cats spent most of their time indoors, and they soon figured out that sugar on the floor is a wonderful substitute for kitty litter (it's diggable!) and they'd routinely take steaming craps in our sugar. Now, the cat turds were easy to scoop out from the pile of sugar, but cat piss was a serious problem. Cat wee would melt the sugar, and this stuff would stick to the floor and soldify into some sort of cat piss candy. This stuff stuck to the concrete floors so tight, that there was no way you could remove that stuff with a shovel. Now, I had this long metal rod with which I'd chisel out the cat piss candy from the floor, and I did this every day because the floors would otherwise get incredibly grody in less than a week. And then there was an incident when I caught a mouse on a glue trap I made. I picked up the mouse and went to the bathroom to drown the fucker in the toilet bowl, but judging from a stream of heavy grunting emanating from the stall, the toilet was very much in use. I felt like a complete moron, holding a sticky mouse (everybody wanted to see the catch), so I just dumped the little bastard (mouse w/trap) right into the garbage compactor and got it over with.  ... I'm sort of highish right now. The next time I'll tell you how I defeated my autism using weed and anime therapy.
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Dec 28, 2015 18:27
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https://www.patreon.com/
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Dec 28, 2015 18:32
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:I'm sort of highish right now. The next time I'll tell you how I defeated my autism using weed and anime therapy. This isn't an emptyquote, honest
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Dec 29, 2015 15:21
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I wasn't sure anything would top your attempt to cook a chair but cat piss chisel just might have done it.
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Dec 29, 2015 20:31
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:Dude. Hey dude. duuuuuuude. How many times do I have to say that I'm not buying any drugs anymore? I went pro and I'm getting 'em for free. A Sweaty Fatbeard I'm pretty sure that you couldn't report Waldo missing because you spent the bus fare to the police station on Xanax-brand Alprazolam "Xanny footballs". Also, huge bags of rank tobacco and plastic bottles of beer are also drugs. What ever happened to Waldo anyway? Was he dead and you took all his poo poo? We really need a Dramatis Personae at this point for all the characters we've encountered. I can't keep Dad the dad, Waldo, nice kid, sheila, the evil aunties and whoever else straight in my head.
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Dec 30, 2015 01:24
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The Saurus posted:A Sweaty Fatbeard I'm pretty sure that you couldn't report Waldo missing because you spent the bus fare to the police station on Xanax-brand Alprazolam "Xanny footballs". Also, huge bags of rank tobacco and plastic bottles of beer are also drugs. I missed a lot of these characters' introductions as well. Can we get like a recap episode or something? I'm especially confused about the dad.
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Dec 30, 2015 03:33
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Shadow0 posted:I missed a lot of these characters' introductions as well. Can we get like a recap episode or something? I'm especially confused about the dad. Dad the dad was a tenant in one of his apartments. He was unemployed and thus struggling to come up with rent money since he had a family to feed. He eventually moved out but was owing ASF in unpaid rents. While living somewhere else, he divorced. Him and ASF met somewhere by chance and Dad decided to be a decent human being and pay off all the arrears on his (now defunct) rent. What a guy!
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Dec 30, 2015 10:04
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Was Dad the dad the guy who set up the deal with fatbeard that he'd pay him $X00 a month and in exchange fatbeard would sign over everything when he died? obviously was going to murder him, or was that someone else?
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Dec 30, 2015 21:05
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That was someone else, I think, though I'm a bit confused by who's who as well. I've seen several old threads linked, how many are there, exactly?
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Dec 31, 2015 01:58
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Yeah, that was someone called Nicholas who also tried to scam Fatbeard out of money for "faulty wiring" in one of his previous apartments. Fatbead got high and went to the police and they told him Nicholas was just talking poo poo. I was mistaking it with the time he was meant to get high and then go to the police about Waldo missing, but that time he spent his bus fare on xanny footballs instead. So did we ever find out what became of Waldo in the end? He just kind of vanished and fatbeard took his stuff? I would also be interested in previous threads
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Dec 31, 2015 05:16
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The Saurus posted:Yeah, that was someone called Nicholas who also tried to scam Fatbeard out of money for "faulty wiring" in one of his previous apartments. Fatbead got high and went to the police and they told him Nicholas was just talking poo poo. I could have sworn that Waldo returned at some point.
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Dec 31, 2015 05:50
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Geniasis posted:I could have sworn that Waldo returned at some point. Yeah, Waldo returned - he was at the hospital due to some sort of unspecified lung complaint. I didn't know this at the time, so I phoned his parents to ask about him, and it turned out they didn't know either. I visited Waldo at the hospital and at his insistence, took the rent money. I know it was in spectacularly poor taste, but yeah. As far as characters in these threads are mentioned, I'll try to give a quick rundown in order of appearance. Dad the dad: He was my tenant in the Large Apartment property for about a year and a half. The first year was not problematic, he paid all of his rent and the utilities, but then his wife lost her job and Dad the dad ended up having to feed a family of four on one minimum wage. This went about as well as you'd expect. Daniel and the Lady: Daniel is the son of my neighbor's. A womanizer. The Lady was his catch: he persuaded her to sell her apartment and then gradually spent her money before dropping her off at a homeless shelter. Nice kid: he was my tenant for about six years, never caused me any trouble. He expatriated and now lives in Ireland. Uncle Bruno: Lived his life like a goblin collecting trash, very much dead now. Blazeing with Jesus. Nicholas: A flipper. I sold my old Crackden property to this guy. As a poster above correctly mentioned, he tried to scam me over a damaged fusebox. Johnny: This guy introduced me to Nicholas. An antiques dealer. Waldo: Tenant in "property C", owes me rent money. Fighting tooth and nail just to survive, which makes me feel sorry for him. Susan: A new tenant in '"property A", the same apartment where Nice kid used to live. Not much to say about her yet. Now, for some actual content! Yesterday a mailman woke me up and brought me two letters! First, the good news is that I got my tax returns (two days before the end of the year, go figure  ) aaaaaaaaaaand an invitation to the court. I'm getting sued again, oh man! I see that a water utility company is suing me, but I have no idea over which property or why. I'm going to look into this in a few days, after the holidays - I have no intention of appearing before court since this can be solved peacefully. I think. Maybe. Heh. 
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Dec 31, 2015 07:13
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Just to add one thing; Nicholas is permanently salty because he bought my apartment at the height of a real estate bubble which broke in the following months, so one way or another he ended up losing a lot of money. He's currently MIA (sold and moved away from his office since there were apparently people coming by to ask where their money went, as reported by Johnny.)
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Dec 31, 2015 07:18
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A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:Uncle Bruno: Lived his life like a goblin collecting trash Ah, I see, it runs in the family  Don't miss your court date, dude. I mean, in the US they can issue a warrant for your arrest if you do, and I have no idea what the laws are like in Crazytown Croatia, but it still seems like a bad idea. Lay off the xanny footballs until you get it sorted out.
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Dec 31, 2015 07:52
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